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Not Excusing — But Grieving and Forgiving
Recently, I was hurt deeply by a family member who used to be close to me. It would not be appropriate to go into the details in this public forum, but suffice it to say, my heart was gravely wounded. The hurt was so deep, in fact, that at first I did not even understand it myself. Like a bad cut with a sharp knife—it doesn’t even hurt at first. You can see both sides of your living flesh split open and for a millisecond there isn’t even blood, but then. But then. The blood starts to gush and the pain is extreme and you know that this is not…
- Fear Not!, Hope in Suffering, Redeeming Church Conflicts, Redemptive Relationships, Relationships & Peacemaking, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Apart from a miracle, a good relationship with this person is probably never going to happen. That’s OK. Grieve it. And LET. IT. GO.
I once received an email from a good friend (let’s call her “Mary”), who wanted to know if I had any ideas for how she could minister to someone in her workplace (a Christian parachurch ministry) who was suffering greatly because of a difficult relationship with her parents. Apparently, this coworker was “terrified” of this relationship (to use her own words); she was “distraught” and “destroyed” over how they treated her. Knowing that some of us have similar difficult relationships in our lives, I thought I would redact the identifying information and share some of my response with you. I hope it is a blessing to you! Sending my love—…
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How far we have come since her first little 1/32nd-sized violin (when she was 2.5 years old)!
The Red Lodge Music Festival Honors String Ensemble rehearsing Dvorak’s String Quartet in F Major, Opus 96. How far we have come since her first little 1/32nd-sized violin (when she was 2.5 years old)! 😉 Hope you enjoy …
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Spiritual Mothering? Mentoring? How can we possibly let someone into the muck and mire of our lives if we won’t even let them into the piles of chaos behind our closed doors?
Discipleship? Spiritual mentoring? How can we possibly let someone into the muck and mire of our lives if we won’t even let them into the PILES OF CHAOS behind closed doors? (Yes. Yes. That is a photo from MY real house. It’s been a booger of a year. How ‘bout you?) Of course, some of us do try the whole discipleship thing. Spiritual sisters. Brothers in Christ. Etc. We tiptoe out a tiny bit and risk. We share of a habitual sin or temptation in our lives. We whisper a sincere question or doubt. AND THEN BAM! Rebuke without hope. Judgment without deliverance. Gossip in the name of prayer. Silence…
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Are you fearful and guarded after repeated times of getting kicked down, gracelessly criticized, and alienated by professing Christians? Could you use a little comforting and assurance? If so, then William P. Smith’s new book is for you!
As he has done so often in his previous writings, William P. Smith gets right to the cry of my heart in his latest book: “Assurance-Resting in God’s Salvation.” Rather than toying with my minor fears or batting a few Scriptures in the general direction of my lesser concerns, Smith instead begins by expounding on a number of substantive passages about God. And once he has our hearts focused on exactly where they ought to be, he then asks the million dollar question for all of us who struggle with weak faith and loud, distracting doubts: “Are you used to thinking of God as someone who cares about doubters…
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I could have SUED and WON. Almost guaranteed. All it would have cost me was my integrity.
Yesterday, I strongly urged my friend to speak with a lawyer before accepting or declining a financial settlement she was offered after she was gravely injured in a retail business. Our conversation reminded me of this post from way back in 2015 … The entire situation was so strange—but also, I did see many evidences of God’s grace at work in the story. It was good to pause, remember, and make a little e-stone-of-remembrance so that one day, like Samuel in 1 Samuel 7:12, my family and I can raise our Ebenezer to God’s gracious provision in helping us. (Plus, there are elements of the story that are just plain funny. So I…
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What I Tell My Pre-Teen About Porn
Yesterday, I did a quick check-in with my preteen daughter about how her heart and mind were doing re: inadvertent exposure to sexual or violent images. I use different words, of course. Otherwise, the very act of asking about things could create trouble—and I surely don’t want to do that! But as we were there, nose-to-nose, snuggling and talking about important things, I asked if she had seen anything troubling or tempting on any technology or on a bookshelf at a friend’s home or in a store, etc. She mentioned how the title “The Lady with the Dragon Tattoo” had created in her a desire for a second glance when she saw…
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What do you want us to do when your heart stops beating?
I am a strong proponent of basic estate planning, including discussions and documents (powers of attorney / living wills) re: end-of-life decisions. It seems to me that being an adult means that you invest a little bit of time and money to keep track of (and distribute) your assets and liabilities, ensure clear guardianship for your minor children, and empower the people you want to handle medical and financial decisions for you in case of your incapacitation/death. And I’m not saying that just because I am an estate planning attorney. I sincerely think these things are important and worth the investment of time and money to have handled correctly. But today, in…
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Some Things that have Helped Me in My Struggle with Anxiety
If you ever want to see who your true friends are, struggle through trauma therapy after being assaulted. Man. Real friends can BRING IT. Love. Anger. A text that actually makes you laugh out loud moments after you were just wondering if you’d ever laugh again. Prayer. Presence. Sure, an occasional link to a helpful article or sermon. Cards, books, and one friend in the last two years even sent a meal! (Big T!!) But really, the mark of love for me has simply been when people felt the awkwardness of what happened to me and then the REALLY awkward reality of my physical and emotional collapse—and they didn’t necessarily…
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Peeling Back the Layers of our Complex Pain: Our past is important, but not determinative
Angry people are sometimes sinfully angry; and sometimes angry people are fearful people who have no idea how frightened (and frightening) they are. Avoidance of duties may be sinful laziness and sloth, but sometimes it can be genuine exhaustion that comes from our trying (consciously or unconsciously) to stomp down and avoid deep grief and pain. Some of us are sinfully proud and foolish re: receiving criticism; but some of us want to listen to criticism and want to be readily teachable and growing in wisdom, but the graceless criticism of today sometimes presses on a shaming memory with such ferocity that even we are shocked by how quickly and high we “jump” or “kick” emotionally in response. Like…
