Tara Barthel -- Considerable Grace

Mommas Don’t Let Their Babies Grow Up to be PASTORS

2008-11-21T08:54:19

Pastor Anyabwile has been cracking me up over at PureChurch and today was no exception.

I LOVED this song when I was a kid – well, the original version (a la cowboys). I think it was the only career advice I ever received from my parents and HEY! Look! Now I’m a lawyer living in Montana surrounded by cowboys.

Blessed Friday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Overlooking an Offense (HT: Tim Challies)

tarabart (mailto:tara@tarabarthel.com) — 2008-11-20T08:19:01

Tim Challies has a great post on overlooking that I encourage you to read:

Overlooking an Offense

His main points are:

1. Examine Yourself

2. Examine Yourself Again: Are You Right?

3. Determine the Importance

4. Look for Patterns

5. Be Sensitive

6. Seek Counsel

And I’ll close with his closing words (on seeking counsel) to tempt you to (hopefully) click on through:

"It may be valuable to seek the counsel of other mature Christians before pursuing confrontation. You will want to ensure that this is not simply an opportunity to gossip and vent, after which you will feel better and let the matter drop. But discreetly seeking wise counsel may be a very good way of “error-checking” your assessment of the previous four steps.

If, after such an assessment of your own heart, the offender, and the offense, you still feel confrontation is necessary, you will want to pursue forgiveness and reconciliation in the way Jesus outlines in Matthew 18.

However, far more often than not, I think you will find it is wise to let the matter go. And here you will need to release your pride and outrage. You will need to be willing to let the matter well and truly drop, not telling others about it and not letting it fill your mind and outrage your heart. It is the glory of a man to overlook an offense; it is a foolish and prideful man who feels every little offense is worthy of confrontation."

Making the easiest ("real") dinner ever ...

2008-11-20T08:17:50

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know that cooking does not come easily to me. (We’ve eaten a lot of bowls of cereal for dinners over the years.)

But God is graciously growing me up and by the time I reach 40, I think that I may even have a few “easy” meals in my cooking repertoire. (Hooray!)

One of them is A Year of CrockPotting’s Brown Sugar Chicken–easily one of the easiest recipes I’ve ever made in my life (especially when you use a crockpot cooking BAG so there is literally NO clean up).

Add in Costco’s organic brown rice medley and yum yum! I feel so domestic AND I get to serve my family (and a guest too!). What a grace.

Please check it out and let me know if you ever make it. I – even I, Tara of “I never have recipe components in my shelves because I don’t cook a lot” Tara-ness – had all of the ingredients without having to shop.

Yum yum! No cereal for dinner tonight – for the first time since we’ve been home this week! (Oh, oh ... poor Fred. Glad he’s such a gracious, grateful hubby.)

Happy Thursday!

Love,
Tara B.

CakeWrecks

2008-11-20T06:19:22

Hysterical post today over at CakeWrecks:

Undeserving of Congrats

Enjoy!

Friendship

2008-11-19T08:10:08

Many people asked where Sophia was during our time at the CCEF Conference. Well ... she was incredibly blessed to spend the five days with our dearest friends, the Lyndes.

It’s really “roughing it” to be at the Lynde home in beautiful Montana ...

No fun at all, right?

I drove over the mountains on Monday morning to pick her up–and I am chagrined to admit that initially, I had planned to scoop her up and book it back to Billings for gymnastics, violin, and co-op. Gotta scratch that stuff off of my to-do list, eh?

But Fred wisely counseled me last week to CANCEL all of our to-do’s and just spend TIME with our friends when I went to pick up Sophie. (Not just grab the kid and run? What a good idea!) In retrospect, I can’t believe that I thought of doing anything else.

I just LOVE spending time with these friends. Time flies. Laughter abounds. The conversations and the silences are both comfortable. I always learn something new. My gratitude to God for Who He is grows. It’s just so fun!

Time with the Lyndes is truly a snapshot of the C.S. Lewis quote:Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.”
After staying up way to late talking Monday night, we all walked Eleanor Scout the two blocks to school Tuesday morning ...

Such sweet fellowship reminded me of just how hard it was when they moved away from Billings–but also, how grateful I am that we have remained friends. I am keenly aware of the truth of that old saying that some friends we have “for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Rare is the lifetime friendship that stays close at the conclusion of a shared project, season of life, or after a geographic move.

I’m so grateful for these dear friends who share my burdens and “redouble my joy” (to quote Bonhoeffer).

Blessed Wednesday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Personality

2008-11-18T23:53:20

My daughter is four years old and I am almost forty–but in so many ways, we face similar situations and temptations in life. Especially regarding personality and temperament:

1. We are home bodies. We like to be at home with Fred and our Golden Retriever and each other. It takes effort to go out and engage. We are “introverts” by nature–we don’t get energy from interacting with people; we get energy from being alone or with one or two good friends (including Goldens). But people don’t think this about us because we are both choleric in temperament–we are quite comfortable “out there” in front of a group, leading away. (But of course if you think about it, talking to one person isn’t that different from talking to 1,000, right? It is the interaction with 5 or 6 that is hardest for introverts.)

2. In a group of people, we are most comfortable around the friends we know and love the most. It is easy to become “cliquish” and huddle up with our “best friends”. Why go through the inconvenience of small-talking with strangers? Why move out of “your” space in the pew and engage with the person who is talking to no one? (More or less the “high maintenance” person or the person you “just don’t get”.) Isn’t it more fun to hug your buddies and laugh comfortably with people you know you enjoy and trust? Who doesn’t like to be with people who love them?

3. Both Sophia and I are given to passionate swings of emotion. Up and down; up and down; we engage at the heights of joy and we crash to the depths of sadness–especially sadness that isn’t really tied to anything. ("Mom? I’m sad, but I don’t know why.") That’s us. We are the anti-Fred in this regard. (Steady Freddy = the perfect representation of a phlegmatic personality. You could easily and comfortably float on the arcs of his emotional oscillations; they are like gentle waves; never very high and never very low.)

I think it was that last category that sparked our recent series of conversations about temperament.

I wanted Sophie to know that it was normal ("OK") to sometimes feel sad “for no reason.” I explained that, while everyone feels sad when sad thing happen (that makes sense to her of course), some people have very passionate personalities that can sometimes feel sad “for no reason.” I normalized it for her. I told her that I understand! I told her that God created her this way and that HE understands. That, while it may not always be easy to go “up & down” in how she feels, God will give her the grace. And we will help her too. That having such a personality is not only “hard,” it also has incredible blessings too–like being able to create such beautiful music on the violin and piano, writing poetry, creating art. (Oh! And then we sat and listed out some of her favorite people who have “strong” personalities–Auntie Kali, Uncle TJ, me; and “gentle/steady” personalities–Daddy, Auntie Samara, Auntie Kerry.)

Of course, the second category described above is one that is ever before us–at church, the playground, in gymnastics class ... just life. We are constantly faced with opportunities fixate on our own comfort and surround ourselves with only our friends. After all, didn’t Jesus say that even the pagans and tax collectors love those who love them? Yes, He did. But He was not holding that tendency up as an ideal! It was in the context of His call on our lives to love even our enemies. One of the things that Sophie and I talk about and pray about before these social situations happen is how we are called to love in a way that is markedly different from the world. Motivated by the gospel–by how God in Christ loves us–we are to live out two goals: love God and love neighbor. Nowhere in His list of greatest commandments did Jesus ever say, “Think first of yourself and your own comfort and do what most easily makes you happy.”

Which leads us to the first category ... our personalities/temperaments. Oh, how often people use personality as an excuse to sin! "That’s just the way that I am!" I often paraphrase Patsy Clairmont who says, "Didn’t Jesus come to save you from that, ‘Just the way that I am!’"? He did! He did! Our lack of love and commitment to relationships is not excused away because we are quiet. Or loud. We don’t get to stay home from church events because we are “introverts.” And we don’t get to dominate every Bible study group because we are “extroverts.” Sure, we can (and should!) understand our temperaments. It is good to know our innate strengths and weaknesses–that’s wisdom! But we don’t use personality as an excuse. Faith is doing what often seems unnatural. Love may call us to speak up! And love may call us to be quiet. But either way, love calls you to die to self (and live to Christ).

So ... does that mean we never have ANY friends we simply ENJOY? Absolutely not!

I’ll post more on that topic tomorrow.

Hope you enjoyed a lovely Tuesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Summaries and then I’ll be OFFLINE for a couple of days ...

tarabart (mailto:tara@tarabarthel.com) — 2008-11-17T09:17:55

Hi again, friends!

Just a quick note to let you know that I’m working furiously to write some quick summaries from the CCEF Conference and then intersperse them back over the last five days in between the applicable Live Blogs.

So ... if these topics are of interest to you at all, please jump back to last Thursday (November 13) and look for the summaries (especially if you’ve been scared off a bit by my 60,000 word count on the actual Live Blogs! I assure you that my summaries are much shorter). You may need to click on the “archive” section of my blog to read all of them.

UPDATE - You can easily find all of the CCEF Conference Live Blog transcriptions and my summaries by clicking on my new blog subcategory:CCEF Conference Live Blogs and Summaries

Hope this is helpful to you! It’s very helpful to me because this is really the way I process material. I write. And then I think. (Or at least I think I think.) Fellow INTJ’s will relate, eh?

Oh–and once I get these done, I’m heading over the mountains to go and get my lovie-bug Sophia Grace and spend time with my bestest friend, Samara, and her family. And I’m even going to leave my laptop at HOME! 48 hours without technology. VERY VERY STRANGE for me. (That’s not a good thing.)

So please bear with me if it takes a smidgen longer for me to respond to any comments or emails.

Lilikoi is cuddled right here with me and sends you her Golden Retriever lovies too!

Happy Monday to you all!

Yours gratefully,
Tara B.

CCEF Conference Reflections (& Pictures)

tarabart (mailto:tara@tarabarthel.com) — 2008-11-16T14:18:56

Fred and I are sitting on the floor of the Philadelphia International airport (because that is the only way we could plug in our laptops), just about to board our first flight home.

Fred is pulling off all of my live blog texts from the CCEF Conference so that, hopefully, I’ll be able to re-read through them (without a live internet connection) and possibly write some reflections on our flights home.

(Ummmm ... I just love being able to work on airplanes. Not only do I hope to get these posts written, I also have a bunch of actionable emails that I just haven’t been able to get to in the last week weeks. So hooray for long flights home and Bose earphones!)

UPDATE - You can easily find all of the CCEF Conference Live Blog transcriptions and my summaries by clicking on my new blog subcategory:CCEF Conference Live Blogs and Summaries

This was such an encouraging and refreshing time and I am just so grateful that we had the opportunity to go. Probably the most edifying aspect of the entire conference for me was getting to interact with such godly, passionate, interesting, and enjoyable people.

Hi Emily, Amy, Diane, Kim, Barbara, Tosha, Pastor Dave & your deacon brother (sorry! can’t remember his name), Tim-Bob's-son, Bob himself, Lynn, Kathy’s husband, Pastor & Mrs. Wells, and I could go on and on! I am just so grateful to have spent time with you all.

To paraphrase what Fred said over lunch ... this weekend has really emphasized just how much we need to pray for friends and take steps to work to develop friendships. Again. Boy! I think this is just an ongoing discipline and act of faith and obedience for a couple of ol' introverts like Fred and me.

But real change happens in community–in the local church. And so we must be faithful to do our best to build authentic, redemptive, gospel-infused relationships.

I have to run now, but I’ll close with my last three photos from the conference.

The first is a picture of the lovely family of Winston Smith (Hi Kim, Charlotte, Sydney & Gresham!) ...

The second is of a workshop that was held at the hotel this past weekend, but was NOT a part of the CCEF Conference ...

(The title made me chuckle every time I walked past it.)

And the final one is of the fearless leader of CCEF, Dr. Tim Lane:

(No, no, I’m just kidding. That’s not Tim Lane–but doesn’t it kind of look like him?? )

Hope you are enjoying a restful and worshipful Sabbath!

Yours gratefully,
Tara B.

PS
In case any of you are curious, I typed 58,987 words Live Blogging the CCEF Conference. Twelve sessions and 165 pages of notes (when copied into Word). Fun stuff!

Summary of Tim Lane’s Plenary: “Godly Intoxication” (CCEF Conference Live Blog)

2008-11-16T07:07:35

Well ... it was very hard to see the CCEF Conference coming to an end. But it’s not hard for me to come to the end of typing these summaries! I am just chomping at the bit to get to my darling Sophia.

Before I go, however, please enjoy just a few notes from Dr. Tim Lane’s plenary, “Godly Intoxication”:

For the most part, we’ve been working within the context of our first part of our mission statement–restoring Christ to counseling. There has been this emphasis of trying to think of how the wisdom and breadth and depth and grace and redemptive message of the Bible intersect into this world of addictions, life dominating sins. We have, hopefully, not been reductionistic. We have acknowledged and spoken to the physiological and sociological aspects. But we have acknowledged the primary place of the heart and worship: addiction is a worship disorientation.

We have sought to strike a note that brings us back to that utterly unique message that is alone found in the Christian Scriptures—the gospel; the narrative, the Real Story of a God Who loves us and intervenes to save us.

We haven’t mentioned the gospel as a quick panacea; “just believe” and you’ll ratchet up to this level of victory and you won’t struggle any more. As Winston reminded us, God is with us in our relapse. We have a Redeemer Who oftentimes uses our relapses to remind us of our ongoing dependence on Him.

Today, I am as dependent on the grace of God as when I first put my faith in Christ 30 years ago. We have not weaned ourselves at all off of his grace, power, and presence.

So to close our time together, I would like to discuss how we restore the change process to the church.

Where can the addict go for help? Where can the addict find help? Find a place where they are going to be welcomed in, encouraged, and strengthened? Go to find the strength they need to grow in grace? Where can we as sinners find assistance on this journey we call growth in grace?

Is the church evidencing the reality of the gospel in such a way that it becomes the default place in the addict’s mind to go for help? Is that the place they go?

I’m friends with a lot of addicts; family members; a lot of friends. Oftentimes, the church has been the LAST place that the addict in my family, friendships, life ... the church is the last place he or she thinks about finding help.

Please turn with me to Ephesians 5. Our goal is to restore the change process to the church; not to the exclusion of other resources available to us–gifted professional counselors, medical care when needed. But where is the fundamental, primary community? The Church.

Ephesians 5:18-21
"And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Look at the broader context of this passage. The first three chapters are all about this wonderful grace that has come to us. Then Paul turns a corner in Chapter 4; where this newfound power and grace and liberty begins to be worked out–the Body of Christ.

He begins to use several metaphors for understanding the Christian life within the context of the Christian life.
- New things replacing old things
- Truth and love replacing falsehood and bitterness
- Obedience replacing disobedience
- Light replacing darkness
- Wisdom replacing folly
- Sobriety replacing drunkenness
He is using this metaphor of drunkenness and sobriety–another way to look at what it looks like to live the Christian life.

Romans 1:25 ... something in creation morphs and becomes the “creator” in our life; we become intoxicated by something in creation (chemical, success, a relationship). We come under their influence and become intoxicated by them and it leads to a life of recklessness, darkness, drunkenness, folly.

That’s the dynamic and we are commanded to “not be drunk with wine.” Not to become intoxicated by anything in creation; but to become intoxicated by–to come under the influence of–the Spirit. To “let the Spirit fill us.” Passive. Humble ourselves and cry out for mercy. Continue to be filled with the Spirit; not once for all; present tense; ongoing; past experience that is to continue from past into the present and future. Continually be under the influence of the Spirit.

As you are continually under the influence of the Spirit, you become “wide awake.” Like U2’s song, “I’m Wide Awake!” I’m not drunken in darkness; I am living with eyes wide open.
“Don’t be drunk with wine which leads to reckless living; but continually let the Spirit fill you.”
This is what will encourage that kind of filling; he puts it within the Body of Christ. Look at the evidences of the Spirit’s work; and the way that he describes the life and pattern of what it looks like to be a part of the Body of Christ.

These four things ought to be marks of our individual local churches where we worship and grow. Four participle phrases that grow out of this command in vv 18-21:

1. Speaking (v19): Paul is calling for a speaking that goes beyond a superficial speaking. Bonhoeffer, “Life Together.” "Disillusionment and disappointment with my brother is a salutary moment ... the gospel has this wonderful opportunity to express itself in ways that far exceed the ways that the gospel expresses itself when things are going well."

How are we doing with regards to one another when disappointments come? Salutary moments? The gospel can shine? Winston reminded us that God is present with us in the relapse. How can we, as the Body of Christ, be with one another in the relapse? In that moment of discouragement, disillusionment?

2. Singing (v19): We are to have a vertical orientation as we assist one another to worship. How do we get reoriented vertically? Our tendency is to get disoriented; but worship reorients us. Worship is a vital component of what it means to grow in grace. Are we helping people to understand worship as a lifestyle? We don’t behave ourselves into sin; we worship into sin.

3. Giving thanks (v20): That means giving thanks for blessings and when tempted and it is difficult to obey. Blessing and prosperity tempt us to think that we don’t need God. We are like Israelites ... the temptation you will face when you enter the land is to think that we rightfully deserve this because we are a great and moral nation. God says, “No. It is because I am a covenant-making and covenant-keeping God Who gives it to you.”

Philippians 4:11-12 calls us to “Learn contentment ...” No matter what the blessing, difficulty, joy; no matter what the experience or circumstance. I’m not duped. I don’t think that the blessing is my life; I don’t think that the curse is my life. Giving thanks that God is conforming us into the image of Jesus (Philippians 1:6).

4. Submitting (v21): Paul actually brings us back to Ephesians 4:2. We are submitting to one another. One of the great marks of a vibrant church is this quality of submitting to one another. Ask yourself:
-Are we teachable?
- Are we listening?
- Are we willing to heed other people’s counsel?
- Are we willing not only to speak, but to listen and submit?
- Do we allow people to challenge and correct us?
You will find no greater evidence of the Spirit’s work than humility and submitting to one another.

“Father, we want to be individuals who reflect your transforming grace; but we are praying now that we would be part of communities of grace that speak, sing, give thanks, and submit. That those would be characteristic marks of the churches in which we worship ... that our churches would be an outpost of Your grace. Would you do that for Jesus' sake. Amen.”

CCEF Conference Sunday AM Plenary: Godly Intoxification (Tim Lane)

2008-11-16T06:03:44