considerable grace

Or are they holding their behavior together just long enough to get AWAY from their homes and churches because the “moralistic therapeutic deism” they been faking for years a) holds no interest to them and gives them no purpose for life; b) answers none of their questions or fears; and c) keeps every relationship on some sort of performance level that has no connection to real life?

More Teens Are Becoming “Fake” Christians

OR ...

Can your teens “articulate a personal story about God they can share; do they have a deep connection to a faith community, a sense of purpose, and a sense of hope about their future?”

I don’t think that this article clearly states the best solutions; but the research is worth the read. The following video, I think, does a much better job of articulating “the solution.” It’s directed at pastors in particular, but that’s a good thing. Every resource doesn’t have to be directed at every person. I think any God-centered woman, child, or non-ordained layman who watches this will also be convicted and encouraged in his or her own life. But wow! I think it will also motivate us to pray for our church leaders and serve them well.

And men? ALL men who read this blog? You should watch this video:



(HT and happy anniversary to PureChurch!)

Thanks for all of the kind words and encouragement (and great advice too!) re: the kid photo thing. Sorry that I sounded overly self-critical with the “worst mother” comments. I was actually laughing at myself and not really feeling that self-critical (most just poking fun at myself), but I see how I sounded that way (!). Sorry about that.

Want to REALLY see how I’m the worst mother in the world, though? (j/k! j/k!) Check out these photos of poor Ella (or “Bruiser” as I keep thinking of her every time I see her poor, cut, bruised little face):



The photos really don’t do her justice. She pretty much looks like Rocky Balboa at the end of some sequel, poor dear. And both injuries were received when she was RIGHT with us. I just think that her professional job right now is falling down—and if there is something in between her and the end of the pull of gravity (like the corner of a table), BAM! Injuries galore.

Oh, well. Babies get owies. She really doesn’t seem to mind too much—these photos were taken the very same day:





Which, of course, was big SECOND-GRADER Sophie’s first day of school:



So lots of exciting things happening around here re: domestic diva duties. We even baked SCONES today!

Hope your week is off to a good start too.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

Fred and I have had a rough couple of days. It has to do with us connecting (or not connecting) on some important conversational topics related to our marriage, parenting, the school year, my upcoming (intense!) season of travel to serve at out of state events, Fred’s pressures and stresses at work, etc. etc.

What makes it all particularly painful is that I was really excited about us connecting about these topics. And if I had to guess, I would say that, on some deep level, he probably felt good about it all too. God has been so gracious and kind to our family! Foundationally, we are extremely grateful. But when we tried to talk about things, everything “went south in a fast direction” to quote a favorite WW malapropism of mine.

He was hurt. I was hurt. He was afraid. I was afraid. The more we tried, the worse things got. He tried hard to persevere. (Good job, Fred.) I just felt like giving up and pulling back emotionally. I tried a little bit to persevere. (Good job, Tara.) But that only seemed to make things worse.

It’s one of those relational situations that just sucks the joy right out of you. It takes time and effort and it’s so stinkin' unpleasant that it sours the morning / afternoon / evening and splashes emotional gunk onto precious little ones who are gracious and kind (Sophia) or thankfully pretty clueless but still affected by tone (Ella).

But this is real life. Real relationships. Not all finishing each other’s sentences and snuggling under a blanket at a football game while holding hands and feeling all lovey-dovey. Nope. A lot of the time our closest relationships are just extremely accurate idolatry-revealers. And where’s the fun in that?

To try to re-orient my heart this morning, I’m really praying for a Kingdom-sized picture of my Real Life (that has a few momentary years in this world and an eternity in the next). I’m praying that I will remember that Fred is not only my husband, he is my neighbor and my brother and even if at times he feels as though he is my “enemy,” he is not. (But I can preach some good truths to my messed up heart even if I FEEL like he is my enemy—truths like loving him, praying for him, doing good to him, blessing him and never cursing, etc. etc. Pesky ol' Luke 6:27-28 and Romans 12.)

Plus, I am really crying out to God for HELP. Not for Fred to change but for MY HEART to change. I don’t need a good idea or a mixture of psychobabble and ethos-laden drivel. I need a Savior! I need rescue.

So I sat down and read an old, long, classic David Powlison article:

Idols of the Heart and Vanity Fair

It’s really long and might feel academic to some of you. (I’m fairly certain it was first published in CCEF’s old scholarly-level Journal of Biblical Counseling.) But it was just the right combination of insight, conviction and encouragement for me this morning when I woke up in Day 2 of my funk.

I think it was this quote that got me:

"We fail to love people because we are idolaters who love neither God nor neighbor. We become objectively insecure because we abide under God’s curse and because other people are just as self-centered as we are. We create and experience estrangement from both God and other people. The love of God teaches us to repent of our “need for love,” seeing it as a lust, receiving merciful real love, and beginning to learn how to love rather than being consumed with getting love."

And this quote that encouraged me, but only because I took the time to read the footnote, weirdo that I am:

"Christ powerfully meets people who are aware of their real need for help." ("29 Hebrews 4:12-16; Matthew 5:3-6; Luke 11:1-13; Matthew 11:28-30; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10; indeed, the entire Bible! Christ’s forte is our acknowledged need in the face of compulsions from within and pressures from without." Footnote 29)

So here I sit, trying to will myself to get out of bed, acknowledging my need in the face of “compulsions from within and pressures from without.” Please help me, Lord.

Striving to remember Christ’s forte—

Your friend,
Tara B.

One last reminder that tomorrow I have to take down the sale price on my video series. (My contract with Peacemakers requires me to match their price online. They had a sale this month, so I got to have a sale too.)



It’s a good deal and I really hope that a few more people might take advantage of it. Maybe just to check it out for your church? Put it in a church library? Send to encourage a missionary or shut in? Any sales would really help with the ol' Barthel cash flow this month—and hopefully be a blessing to the people who study the material too.

Thanks for considering a purchase, friends, and maybe even sharing about the sale with others? I’d be ever so grateful.

Happy Tuesday,
Tara B.

Wow. I can’t believe I’m about to say this—but our experience at Kiddie Kandids was even WORSE than the “Sears Portrait Studio.” To quote Fred, “That’s really saying something.”

So I’m officially the worst mother ever—I’m meeting all of the stereotypes for the “Second Child Syndrome” ... a zillion (adorable!) photos of Sophia as a baby, hardly any of Ella. As a second child myself, I really thought I wouldn’t fall into that, but sure enough, I did.

In my defense, I’ve tried all of the affordable (for us; read “CHEAP”) places that worked great for Sophia and they’ve been TERRIBLE for Ella. Really really awful. Ella would be slack-jawed and staring. CLICK. Looking over to the left. CLICK. Eyes half-closed. CLICK. Oh! Hooray! There’s my sweetie pie’s adorable smile. (Silence. Silence. NO CLICK. No photo.) And THEN, you just can’t believe what they wanted for those (terrible!) photos.

I mean, seriously, I snapped these pics in 30 seconds just waiting in the mall for our appointment. Don’t you think they could have gotten ONE decent photo in the 45 minutes we invested, exhaustedly, in the photo shoot?



Crazy. And what a waste of TIME on a day that I really didn’t have time to waste. I even IRONED Grandma Chris’s adorable first birthday dress for Ella to wear in her “just Ella” shots. Me. Ironing! I should’ve just sat around for all the good it did me.

(Sorry to be such a grouch. I know this is NOT important in the scheme of things. It’s not even a minor inconvenience! But I’m just having a really grouchy day today so this photo fiasco is just adding to that stress.)

Bottomline? I’m taking Sarah Phillip’s recommendation and hiring Brooke Moore to do a real family shoot for us in a couple of weeks. I really liked these photos of children in Montana that she took. If ours were 1/100th as cute as these, I’d be thrilled. Plus, I talked about it with Fred, and we’d rather invest in ONE set of nice photos than have 5 sets of BLECH.

Still, I’m a month and a half late for Ella’s official first birthday photos. And I feel terrible about that1 But like I said—I’m the worst mother and I’ve just totally blown it. I hope Eleanor can be gracious to me as she ages and sees my many deficiencies.

One thing I’m excited about, even at the end of this pretty awful day? My sister bought the girls matchy Hannah Anderson dresses and bright tights. (Brooke said bright tights photograph really cute down at River Front Park where we will be taking the photos.) This is the photo from the site of the dress in blue (for Sophia)—and I got pink for Ella with matchy zig-zaggys tights:



I think they’re cute and I hope they look nice in the photos. (Please! Someone who is good at shopping and picking out cute things for little girls, please tell me that you think those dresses and tights will work. I really have no taste about these things and my confidence is SHOT after this stressful day.) Now if I can just lose 50 lbs in the next two weeks. (JUST KIDDING!)

With that, I’m heading into our nighttime routine now.

G'nite and God bless and avoid Kiddie Kandids—at least in Billings!

Yours,
Tara B.

I (happily) had to put in another order with Westminster Books because our fall women’s study on the Psalms has so many women signed up. I actually teared up when one woman told me yesterday how she is inviting four friends to join us (one of whom is 95 years old! how great is THAT for our little group?!) because she just LOVES to study the Psalms. She said:

"When I first became a Christian, I was taught to pray by praying through the Psalms."

Goosebumps! Totally made me think of something I was taught when I was saved by God as a teenager:

"You always pray in line with God’s will when you pray to be more like Jesus."

For someone with no religious training and a doctrinal foundation about as thin (and yet sufficient) as you can get ("Ummm. Jesus died for my sins. That’s pretty much all I know."), that was some great advice on prayer.

Then, this morning, I was reminded of another profound gift I was given re: prayer. I woke up so discouraged and so sad. I could barely get out of bed, so I reached for my Bible and the Handbook to Prayer (Praying Scripture Back to God) that Sophie and I have started using together this summer. (HT to Tim Voorhees for that wonderful gift years ago!) And my reading in the Psalms was similarly wonderful. Thankfully, I was at Psalm 46. So afterwards I had to tell Sophie a fun story about accompanying the MCHS choir in a rendition of that way, way back in 1988:

God is our Refuge and Strength

All in all, my heart a little more focused on the Lord and a little less focused on ME, so with that, I think I’ll try to head into my day.

God bless you and give you a prayerful, God-centered day!

Your friend,
Tara B.

We have never had such a violent storm come up so quickly! It started with a crack of thunder and SIMULTANEOUS flash of lightning (never a good sign) so loud that it hurt our ears—INSIDE the house. Within MINUTES we had hail that sounded as though it were going to come right through our roof:



We were in the basement during the worst of it but then it was suddenly gone. (That’s when Sophie went out to explore.) I prayed for any hikers that might have been outdoors—I hope no one was injured.

This is the official warning we received:

"This is a dangerous storm, if you are in its path, prepare immediately for damaging winds, destructive hail, and deadly cloud to ground lightning. People outside should move to a shelter, preferably inside a strong building but away from windows."

Scary.

Highs in the 40’s tonight! Time to break out the sweaters ...

G'nite and God bless,
Tara B.

Missy’s recent post on starting a blogroll for adopting readers quickly jumped to almost 90. It made me cry and pray for Bethie (and rejoice that we could send a little more $$ to help bring her home from Ethiopia—I can’t help but think that if every one of her readers just sent in $10, their funding needs would be MET). And it made me all the more eager for Adoption Awareness month (November) and the steps our little church will hopefully be taking to support and encourage adopting families.

Is your church going to be doing anything to encourage and equip its members to care better for orphans? There are SO many great resources out there to help you get started. Here are two of my favorites:

- Show Hope: A Movement to Care for Orphans

- Together for Adoption: Providing Gospel-Centered Resources to Mobilize the Church for Global Orphan Care

Plus, Missy linked to a Steven Curtis Chapman video that made me cry:



I don’t know what the Vegitale reference is—but the pictures of adopting families breaks my heart wide open. (BTW—If that makes you cry, do NOT watch this one: When Love Takes You In. If that doesn’t make you long for Heaven, I don’t know what will. Talk about a hunger for Home.)

Must scoot now—but I’ll close this this (hopefully gentle) request: Why not send a note and some money this month to a family that is working hard to adopt? You don’t think $10 makes a difference, but if everyone in your church gave $10, some gave $100, a few gave $1,000, those families would have their adoptions funded. (Oh yeah, and why not consider adopting? Locally, foster care, international—lots of opportunities.) And please do pray.

Thanks, friends!

Yours,
Tara B.

Just like when Fred tried initially to teach me about spreadsheets, .mp3/Ipod files, and how to bake bread, I was very resistant when he kept telling me “how EASY” it is to scan documents through our fancy-shmancy-printer-thingy. But, as usual, Fred was right. It really was fairly simple and now I get to not bug him with my “to-be-scanned-pretty-please” file on his “honey-do” list. I can just take care of it myself! And that’s great.

Because I’ve really wanted to be more systematic about scanning certain documents for our family’s annual Picaboo Photo Book. Yes, I still save the originals (or send them to family members). But I also love capturing those little phonetic misspellings of Sophie learning to write, her beautiful pictures capturing her daily Bible reading in her journal, and lots of other treasures too:





Plus, when you have a kiddo who is prolific in creating things, sometimes even our Lil' DaVinci Easy to Switch Art of 'Em Frames can’t keep up. So now I can scan and file or scan and send!

This is happiness for ol' Momma Tara who doesn’t dust enough but doesn’t like clutter.

My morning walks with Lilikoi (in real life) and Rev. Dr. Ligon Duncan (via Ipod sermons) continue to be of tremendous help to me. I really credit my relative (for Tara!) emotional and spiritual stability this summer to the fresh air, physical activity, and time to contemplate Holy Scripture and God Himself uninterruptedly.

(Thanks for this gift, Fred! And thanks, too, to all of the husbands who take care of young children to give their wives similar BREAKS from the (wonderfully exhausting) constancy of taking care of little ones all day.)

Today’s sermon is not to be missed. Especially if you or someone you love is experiencing loss. To paraphrase Pastor Ligon:

Great loss. Unfulfilled dreams. Unsatisfied and unsatisfiable desires. Plans, yearnings, longings, hopes, treasures that you’ve never attained or that you’ve had taken away from you before your very eyes. Some unbearable. Some less so. What do we do with them? How do we respond?

What do we cry out through our blinding, hopeless tears? How do you respond to a life you’ve longed for slipping through your fingers before your very eyes?

Listen to God’s Word preached from 1 Kings 19:

Every Dream Lost. Every Dream Fulfilled.

My only complaint about this sermon is that 32 minutes is too short!

Be blessed, friends.
God knows best.

In Christ our Hope and Confidence,
Tara B.

(HT: PureChurch)

Two things happened yesterday that were profoundly encouraging to me. The first was when I asked Fred how his day went and (rather than the stressed, exhausted, just hanging in there voice) I heard his happy voice say, “Really good.”

(!!)

I guess that’s what comes from getting final drafts of the new Peacemaker Ministries resource to the printer in time for the truck to leave soon for their Peacemaker Conference. Hooray!

The second was when God graciously helped me to SET ASIDE a really hard chapter in our manuscript that was giving me trouble after trouble in the morning. Normally, I would just keep on and get more and more mired down and end the day with SOMETHING, but nothing near my goal. Instead? I switched gears to the next chapter and SWOOSH! Made great progress. I couldn’t believe it. I was so encouraged that I even turned to the NEXT NEXT chapter and again, SWOOSH! Not perfection, of course, but encouraging progress. One little step forward.

I even slept well afterwards. No head spinning. No worrying. (Although I did dream that I was back in college, having to get a job, not having any books for any classes, and just finding out I was pregnant with my third child. Hmmmmmm ... Can you tell I’m praying for lots o' college students this week and feeling some cash crunch issues too?)

All that to say ... I was grateful for a tiny step forward and REALLY grateful that Fred had such a good day. Charles Spurgeon was right again!

"Through perseverance even the snail reached the ark."

I hope you can experience even just a glimmer of encouragement this day as you tackle hard things. Remember! God is with you. In your weakness, He is strong.

Happy Friday to you and much love,
Tara B.

Just a little reminder that in five days, we’re going to have to raise the price on my video series again. (My contract with Peacemakers requires me to match their price online. They’re having a sale this month, so I get to have a sale too.)



Order by August 31 and you’ll save $20 and help us pay for Ella’s 1-year-old baby checkup too!

Thanks, friends.
– tkb

We had a very minor thing come up with one of our babysitters this summer and I wrestled and wrestled over whether I should even talk with her about it. She’s such a responsible, wonderful young lady—I didn’t want to be harsh or over-sensitive. And I wondered if my concerns were even appropriate—was I expecting too much? Were things just different for teens now? Should I just let it go?

But then her mother and I were talking about an unrelated, but important topic, and I thought I would just ask for her counsel. “Should I talk with your daughter? Or is this just an overlook situation?” She encouraged me to give her the feedback (as is so often the case, our “little” thing tied in to other heart issues that this family was working on together) and I did. The young lady was quickly repentant, we easily forgave her and that was that.

EXCEPT that (as is also usually the case) there were actually things we needed to talk about related to how our family was interacting with this beloved babysitter—and this young lady (with the encouragement of her mother) actually (courageously!) brought them to my attention. She was so gentle and respectful, but she did persevere in talking with us about some hard things that we really can do better as a family and as we coach Sophia in her interactions with her babysitter.

I was so proud of this young lady, I can’t even tell you. She evidenced maturity far beyond her years—and her willingness to confess and receive our forgiveness; and confront us so that we could confess and receive HER forgiveness ... all while reaffirming our commitment to one another as friends and members of the same church? Well. As I told her, if all Christians handled their slights, hurts, offenses, and conflicts like that, Peacemaker Ministries would (happily!) be out of business.

As I have reflected on all of that, and as Sophie and I discussed it all at length, I was really struck by how easy it would have been for her to simply start declining our invitations to babysit (or for us to simply stop inviting her to serve). But then neither of us would have grown and neither of us would have had the opportunity to forgive and be forgiven.

Of course, as good as it was, it was also all a little awkward and not very fun—but it was so important and such a great lesson to Sophia that all relationships, especially REAL friendships, have conflict. But we don’t just run away, we work through it. We don’t give up on one another. We are patient and forbearing and in the end, we have even more confidence in our relationship with one another because we’ve been able to address hard stuff. This is true of every friendship, marriage, parenting, workplace / school / church relationship ... God forgives us and so we forgive one another. God never gives up on us, so we don’t give up on one another.

I’m really proud of this young lady and grateful too.

Hope you have a great Thursday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Yes, yes. Kevin DeYoung is really gaining on Ed Welch as my favorite contemporary author.

Read his post from today (written in the voice of a C.S. Lewis letter to Wormwood) and you’ll see why:

A Lost Letter to Wormwood

Here is just a snippet to tempt you:

"Your subject is now enrolled in what the earth world calls “college.” I do not need to remind you what splendid opportunities these places afford us. But there is one particular danger, and you must see to it that it is avoided at all costs. And that danger is church attendance.

Though your subject seems safe from the clutches of our Enemy Above, you will recall that he has spent the majority of his Sundays, thus far, in church. The habit may not be easy to break. If he tries church for a few weeks, make sure it is a pointless endeavor. Do not forget our little rhyme: “If to church one must go, lead him to an empty show. And when all we can do is mettle, makes sure on one church he does not settle.”

Church attendance is bad enough, nephew, but consistent attendance at the same church spells almost certain doom for our cause. If your human persists in his church interest, you simply must devise some way to shuffle him around from congregation to congregation. See to it he never knows the people he is worshiping with. Keep reminding him of how rotten the music is over here, and how long the sermon is over there, and how bland the coffee is at that other church. Trust me, it won’t take much to get him floundering on church. Almost any excuse will do ..."

SHIVER! This is just WAY too important a topic and WAY too accurate a portrayal of our “higher learning” institutions for me to do anything other than CRINGE and PRAY for the many college and grad school students in my life—and for their Christian professors and the churches near their campuses too.

I simply cannot imagine where I would be in life had God not graciously rooted me in one church during my undergraduate years in Moline, Illinois and one church during my graduate studies in Champaign-Urbana. How skewed and squishy my theology would have become were it not for great men like Vic Varkonyi, Paul Jensen, Bill Meier, and John Roeckeman. How duplicitous and immature I would have remained were it not for great women like June Kalemkarian, Cindy Lambrecht, Kim Mills, and Dixie Zietlow. I needed the counsel and oversight of deacons and elders then, and I need the counsel and oversight of deacons and elders now. I needed the encouragement, care, and accountability of authentic relationships then, and I need the encouragement, care, and accountability of authentic relationships now.

And so do our college students! As Pastor DeYoung says earlier in his post:

"Churchless Christians are on their way to being no Christian at all."

Please do encourage your college students to PLUG IN and COMMIT to one local church as they transition to this exciting new season of life. Don’t let them believe the fallacy that a parachurch student group, as great as it is, can ever be a church.

Send them ongoing, scholarly helps to remind them that smart people believe the Bible (contrary to what most of their professors will say) — I started reading Imprimis as an undergraduate student and I’ve read it ever since.

If they can persevere through meaty prose, I strongly urge them to read anything by Phillip E. Johnson. But if that bogs them down too much, then of course anything by C.S. Lewis will surely be edifying and accessible.

I also began to study systematic theology and philosophy as a college student and both were SO engaging and SO exciting to me that, because I had wise and godly teachers in my church, I was equipped to stand against the blatant naturalism and post-modern relativism that filled almost all of my academic classes.

How grateful I am for the protection, nourishment, accountability, equipping, and opportunities to serve in the local church! And how I pray that our college students will benefit from (and take seriously their commitments to) membership in the local church too.

And with that, I’m off into my day—

Blessed Wednesday to you!

Your friend,
Tara B.

PS
Pastor DeYoung has a final installation of this letter here.

I really appreciated Pastor Anyabwile’s summary of these excellent articles by Ligon Duncan:

The Gospel and the Local Congregation

What is Evangelism? And What is the Gospel?

I encourage you to read the entire articles themselves (or at least Thabiti’s summary), here are just a few excerpts to tempt you:

"By [gospel culture] I mean:

- that your whole congregation would be able to articulate the Gospel, personally, in a compelling and understandable way;

- that your whole congregation would deeply care about conversions (and I would lay stress here, that we are talking about real conversions, not numbers; but disciples, not decisions; but changed lives);

- that your whole congregation would be excited about the Gospel itself, and not simply about a method of sharing the Gospel, or a training program.

The aim of our study in the Gospel Course was (among other things), to provide participants with a fuller understanding of the Gospel; an opportunity to hone their Christian testimony; a simple, biblical, outline of the Gospel; encouragements and helps to share the Gospel; and encouragement and instruction on how to engage others in the church in this Gospel culture."

The second post takes up the questions “What Is Evangelism and What Is the Gospel?” Adopting J.I. Packer’s excellent definition of evangelism, Ligon says: “Evangelism is to bear witness to Jesus Christ, in the power of the Holy Spirit, so that [1] people may come to put their trust in God, through Christ; [2] to acknowledge Him as their Savior; and [3] to serve Him as their King, [4] in the fellowship of His Church.”

Whew! That sounds like a course that I would like to sign up for. Not just for myself (I’m so often lazy, jaded, and selfish), but also for how I help Sophia as she is so eager to share about Jesus and “help people with their doctrine” (her words). I particularly appreciated the comment about “real conversions, not numbers.” Yes. Yes. Real salvation by the real God affecting real life—all of real life, within the fellowship of His Church.

Much to think about here. Hope it’s a blessing to you on this lovely Tuesday morning!

Your friend,
Tara B.