considerable grace

Big Girl Sophia Grace “officially” started Kindergarten today ...



We had a wonderful day at our church’s little co-op ("officially" Soph’s too young to start “real” Kindergarten–so Fred & I just said, “Congratulations! You’re a Kindergartener!” and off we went into our Fall ...):





We were particularly blessed that our beloved Pastors Alfred & Jason and Elder Clark and Mr. Acheson and Mr. Waller started our school-year by praying for us:



I, personally, had to CHUCKLE at our bulletin boards because, well, Fred & I (and our friend Caroline) did our best to create something relatively interesting but ... of course, I have NO confidence in bulletin-board-creation. I kept telling myself, “Better Than Blank, Tara! Better Than Blank! That’s Your Goal.”





OK. I’m off to get Soph through her bath and bedtime routine. Our home smells DELICIOUS (just like a “real home!” I keep telling myself because I discovered–thanks to dear Amy L!–A Year of CrockPotting and today I made the WORLD’S EASIEST RECIPE EVER–(Brown Sugar Chicken ... even I had ALL of the ingredients on hand and I am the WORLD’S WORST COOK/domestic diva EVER!!).

Hope you all enjoyed a lovely Tuesday too!

Yours,
Tara B.

Preach, preach, PREACH IT sister MakingHome!

The Intentional Marriage

Remember that mistake our accountant made back in, oh, APRIL?

And then the SECOND mistake he made–to his credit, trying to help but not understanding one tiny (albeit important nuance) of the I.R.S.?

And remember how I freaked out (who me?!) and we had to come up with THOUSANDS of dollars to pay taxes that we DIDN’T owe?

Well ... finally ... yesterday (yes, almost SEPTEMBER), we received that huge interest-free-loan-TO-the-IRS back. I am SO grateful!! And reconciling off the month in Quicken will be SO much easier this month not having to juggle that cashflow challenge.

What a grace. Whew!
I am rejoicing in God’s provision and looking forward to getting to the bank.

Big Kindergartener Girl Day Today!
Fall is here.

Hope you have a great one–

Yours,
Tara B.

School starts tomorrow. (I just finished Soph’s little “Big Girl Kindergartener Interview” for our scrapbook–SO FUN!) The Peacemaker Conference is just a few weeks away. And I don’t know about you, but it sure feels like FALL is really here for our family.

So I wanted to be sure to let you know that the original version of my DVD series is still available – but not for long.

I’d have to do a quick count this morning to be sure, but I think I’m down to around 20 copies of the complete series and an additional 20 or 30 copies of just the study guide.

So if you want the “more personal Tara” version with our family photos, the behind-the-scenes clip, the extra Q&A session, “Peacemaker Junkie,” all of the Trudy Poirier music, and (I think most importantly), the data disc with the 104 page study guide and a copyright that allows you to print off as many copies of the guide as you want in perpetuity ... please don’t wait much longer.

I am truly excited that I’ll get to be involved with The Peacemaking Church in the future ...

But if you’ve been hanging out with ol' Tara even pre-Sophie and way back when I had to take personal vacation days from my job at Peacemakers to do only occasional women’s retreats ...

If you have any of my old teaching recordings (made with–literally!–a Walkman audiotape recorder tucked in my POCKET!) ...

If you’ve been lurking on this blog for awhile or for whatever reason you’d just like to have the “older/original/more personal Tara” version

... please don’t wait any longer–please put your order in right away.

Thanks thanks thanks!

And happy Monday to you–

Yours,
Tara B.

I just pitched a potentially new topic to Peacemaker Ministries for their conference next month and I’d LOVE to know whether you think it sounds interesting/helpful/etc:

How to Grow Redemptive (and Enjoyable!) Relationships among Our Women—Especially When We Disagree: Do you have a hard time even imagining what it would be like for the relationships among your women to be united, mutually-encouraging, and overflowing with grace—especially when you disagree on important topics? In this workshop, we will discuss some of the most commonly-divisive topics among women (working outside of the home, children and childrearing, domestic duties, educational choices, money, sex, in-laws, etc.) and prayerfully consider some biblical and practical ways we can grow genuinely redemptive (and even enjoyable!) relationships among our women. (By the way—if you instinctively think, “There is NO way I will ever feel comfortable or wanted around Christian women!” then this workshop is particularly for YOU because that is exactly the way the speaker, Tara Barthel, felt around Christian women for years.)

I was having a pretty good day–and THEN. Fred said something that brought up all sorts of selfish and demanding thoughts in my head.

He basically (vulnerably!) shared how he was feeling a little sad and could use some encouragement and tender care.

My INSTINCTUAL response (oh! what a sinner I am!!) was to think, “Yeah! Me too! How about it, buddy? How about any of those date nights or love notes or flowers that Pastor Jason’s been encouraging you to pursue me with to further build back our friendship, love, and intimacy, HMMMMMMMM?”

But what I SAID–after a LONG pause, in which I:

a) Thought my selfish, completely unloving, even down-right MEAN it was so astoundingly PERFORMANCE-ORIENTED thought;

B) Literally HEARD MY OWN VOICE encouraging OTHERS to treat people with mercy, grace, and lavish love–just as they have received from God in Christ and to NOT get stuck in a performance-orientation where they treat others as they DESERVE (and saw a picture in my mind of Pastor Jason saying this same thing too–over and over again); and

C) Prayed

... was, “You bet, honey. Absolutely. I will make a special effort to be gentle with you and compassionate toward you. And you can trust that even if you don’t change, no matter how you treat me, I am always going to be here for you as your wife because I love you and I am committed to you. I’m not going anywhere. I know that we will get through this. God will help us.”

Faith is doing what doesn’t seem natural, eh?
Thank God for the gift of repentance and faith.
(And for such a precious, beloved husband too.)

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
I just received an email from a friend asking a question about this post and I thought that you might enjoy our exchange ... so here is an (edited) version:

Hi Tara,

This is a question for my personal clarification (and maybe what you typed isn’t exactly what you said to Fred). But I’m curious about the words you said in your blog post today:

"And you can trust that even if you don’t change, no matter how you treat me, I am always going to be here for you as your wife because I love you and I am committed to you."

I feel like I’ve made things worse with my husband in the past for saying things like “even if you don’t change,” and “no matter how you treat me,” because isn’t that putting blame on him in a back-handed kind of way? Doesn’t that imply that he’s the bad guy but I’m going to love him anyway? As though I am somehow superior to him?

I struggled a lot with this several years ago ... saying underhanded type comments while acting like I was the better one. And I then ARGUED VEHEMENTLY that I didn’t intend the comments to be mean and sound like that, but looking back, I now see that I was often wrong. The truth is that I did feel superior to him and I was attacking him in a back-handed kind of way.

Have you considered whether you might have actually insulted Fred yesterday? Were you feeling superior and blaming him?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts–
[name]

And here is my reply:

[name]—Thanks for being such a faithful, real-life FRIEND to me and for loving me enough to ask me the hard questions. [name], I WELCOME your comments, questions, and even your criticisms whenever you want to share them with me.

Re: your question on this specific matter … I could TOTALLY see how words COULD come across in the way you described and I absolutely think we need to be careful about that! But in this situation, no, I wasn’t feeling at ALL superior to Fred and my words came across to him as the loving and encouraging words that I meant them to be.

(I know this for sure because I asked him specifically about how he was feeling when he reviewed this blog this morning before I posted it.)

In our conversation yesterday, what I was actually feeling was that I had to die to self and love him NO MATTER WHAT because what really ministered to him in that specific moment was hearing words of commitment (which I meant) and NOT words of performance (“Well, sure, I’ll be here for you but you’d better get your act together to DO BETTER FIRST!”). That’s what I actually meant and that’s what he actually heard.

But context is key, eh? And in this context it just so happens that (GRACE GRACE GRACE!) God helped me to repent and be gracious rather than the selfish jerk I was tempted to be.

Hope this helps to clarify. I think I’ll put this little discussion (anonymously of course) in a P.S. because it might help some others too, if that’s OK with you of course.

Love from Montana!
– Tara B.

Sophie was SO excited to tell me something yesterday that she RAN into the kitchen and THREW her arms around me:

"Momma! Momma! Guess WHAT?!!

Emma and I were having a big fight and she said that I NEVER let her have a certain doll and that isn’t true and I was about to yell BACK at her ... but then I remembered, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.”

(Commercial break here from the Momma ... Thank you Susan Hunt and My ABC Bible Verses! We’re only one week into memorizing the verses–just up to “E"–and ALREADY our family is being SO blessed. OK, back to regularly scheduled Sophie programming ...)

”So instead of yelling, I quietly and sweetly said, “I’m sorry Emma. I should let you play with that dolly more. Will you please forgive me?”

And GUESS WHAT MOM?!? Emma FORGAVE me!! And we were reconciled and it really DID work–a gentle answer stopped the fight!"

Hooray! Hooray! It was the best part of my entire day yesterday.

Now ... if Fred and I can just turn the corner and start using a gentle answer in the fight we are CURRENTLY–yup, right now as I type this–in the middle of. (Fred wanted a little time to pray and try to understand his heart before we continue our, ummm, conversation.)

Hope your Saturday is a blessed one! Ours started out great ... we had a nice breakfast and rode our bikes down to the little Billings farmer’s market. But then I had to edit a certain project that has, well, consistently caused us all sorts of friction for MONTHS now and the fighting began. How I am praying for God’s help and grace for us! Oh oh oh–but these kind of things can feel SO impossible. But nothing is impossible for God, right?

Less of me. More of Christ. This, I pray.

Yours in the battle,
Tara B.

We had a great day!

It was our first time watching Trudy & Pastor Alfred’s grand-daughters–the sweetest and cutest little twins you’ve ever seen–and we had a wonderful day.

Sophie was a great helper, although (like all of us!), she did get a little tired mid-afternoon. We had a little cuddle-time and prayer-time and a pep-talk too–all about how we were there to serve and how service takes effort, etc. etc.

It’s now evening and the house is back in order. We’re heading toward bathtime and Bible/Catechism/Little House on the Prairie reading and cuddle time. Grace truly abounds.

Hope you’re all looking forward to a restful weekend!

Yours happily if exhaustedly,
Tara B.

Sophie made my momma heart very happy yesterday when we were driving around town, doing errands, and singing out loud to a fun Raffi album.

As I was singing the actual words to a certain song ("Thanks a lot ..."), Sophie gently “corrected” me and said:

"Momma! The words are actually ‘Thank You, Lord!’"

And I said, “You bet!” And that’s what we sang the rest of the time.

Much to be thankful for!

Yours,
Tara B.

Pastor Anyabwile is continuing his study on marriage and family and we are all the blessed recipients of his work of humility, scholarship, faith, and love. Don’t miss this latest post:

What a Husband Must Be

In it, he lists five things that drive women to marry men who are not prepared to lead in marriage. (Oh oh oh! But I’ve heard all five of these reasons a lot too.)

He also lists five things that a husband must be. Consider number 4:

4. Must lead in selflessness. “...nourishes and cherishes....” The husband should be the first one in the family to go without, sacrifice, or lay it down for the family. “If he’s not, then he’s shortsighted. He doesn’t realize what you’re building for the future.”

Mmmmmmm. Good stuff here! Hope it’s a blessing to you too.

Yours,
Tara B.

There is a great article by Pastor Ben Hames over at ByFaith Magazine having to do with confessing sins one to another:

It Has Become Clearer ... That We Should Confess Our Sins to One Another

Consider just an excerpt:

" ... Many in the church have begun to see the value of having a Christian brother or sister to hold them accountable in life. This service to one another is a great example of the Church of Christ living as vivified community. Confession moves us beyond the cognitive and internal toward the tangible and at least mildly communal. Through this, believers find they are more honest with themselves, more cognizant of God’s standards, and above all more aware of their everyday need of God’s grace. Of course, in all this there is a risk—that someone will find out we’re sinners in need of God’s grace.

Upon this fresh consideration, I am convinced that we neglect great grace in our neglect of confession. We should pray that God would grant us transparent relationships among the believers around us."

Amen!

How grateful I am for the (imperfect but Divinely instituted) Body of Christ. I am tremendously blessed to have church leaders who regularly confess sin (they model for us) and who help us to confess as well (they help us). It’s all a part of our growth in grace—our sanctification—becoming more and more holy in heart and conduct.

Hope you have a great Wednesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Mommylife.net just posted a wonderful video and I encourage you to take a few moments to view it:



I think its timing is particularly appropriate because someone I know (and love very much!) is just now trying to help an organization to become more service oriented (both internally and externally). Plus, I was reflecting this week on what a difference it makes when someone interacts with me (usually via email) as though I were a human being (trying to do her best) rather than a human-ATM-who-only-exists-to-give-people-what-they-demand (information, resources, whatever).

I guess that’s why we know our produce manager, deli workers, checkout lane ladies, and gentlemen who bag our groceries all by name at our local Albertson’s. And they know us. Human beings! With bills and fears and joys and probably very, very tired feet from working so hard.

Oh! How I pray that I will be a woman who serves and serves and loves and loves. Only God can do this good work in me! I thank God for His grace.

Yours,
Tara B.

I can’t believe it–but it’s true. I actually joined Facebook.

I don’t plan on spending a lot of time there–but it’s already put me a little bit in touch with some “blasts from the past” which is quite fun.

Do you Facebook? Maybe we’ll bump into each other as fans of Peacemaker Ministries or some other overlapping interest. 'Twould be grand–especially for insomnia nights.

Love ya!
– Tara B.

I remember once when a woman in my church and I were talking about my ongoing struggle with gluttony/sloth and I made the remark something to the effect of:

"I’m just not used to being so overweight. I never was this way before."

She said, “Really? I’ve only ever known you like this.”

It gave me great pause and I started to do some math ...

I am 38 years old. Not counting the years I was kind of my own as a teenager (because of my parent’s divorce and all of the stuff that went on during my high school years), let’s say I’ve been an adult since I was 18 years old. That means I’ve been an adult for 20 years.

I gained my 100 lbs basically when I got pregnant with Sophie and in the year following her delivery–so that would be when I was 33 - 34 years old.

That means that I’ve been morbidly obese (BMI) for five years – or a QUARTER of my adult life.

So I asked myself, “Is this the life that I am going to keep on leading? Not having enough energy and health to ride bikes, hike in the mountains, SCUBA dive, etc? Really?”

And then I started walking Lili every morning for an hour, doing abs & weights, and being more healthful in my eating. And do you know what ELSE motivated me? MY SHADOW.

I think that it can be easy to have some level of mild bodily dysmorphia in life–thin people can see themselves as being “fat,” overweight people (especially those of us who have given ourselves over to stretchy black pants!) can be blind to just how much weight we’ve gained, etc. etc.

That was me–I didn’t really see just how unhealthy I had grown, what a bad steward of my body/health I really was being.

But my shadow? Well ... that gave me pause because as I walked Lili in the early morning sun, I saw the actual shadow that my body shape cast. And yes, I know that Fred adores me and finds me attractive and lovely. And no, I’m not down on myself or being self-critical. It’s just factual that I had a plump, round, overweight woman’s shape. That was me.

And wanting to be of better use for God’s Kingdom; wanting to be able to serve better; wanting to participate more actively in my family’s life ... again, I’ve been trying to work on health goals. And it’s been good. EXTREMELY HARD–but good too.

I have also continued to pray for all of you who have ever let me know that you continue in this ol' battle too! We all have our areas of temptation. Discipline is hard. Life is mostly work. One day, one moment, one eating decision at a time, eh?

There really is grace for the moment.

Hope you have a lovely Tuesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

After a strong recommendation from Noel Piper in a bookstore mailing from WTS, I ordered a number of books by Helen Roseveare. This week I started Give Me This Mountain and I am thoroughly enjoying it.

I also had to chuckle when I did a quick Google search of her name to learn a little more about her–and I found out that Snopes & TruthOrFiction had to do entries on her because of a story that has circulated around email-land for years re: a dying baby, a hot water bottle, and a doll.

(BTW–Please please oh PLEASE don’t ever forward any emails, well, really to ANYONE EVER–with limited exceptions–but FOR SURE without checking Snopes.com to determine if what you just read is a BIG FAT URBAN LEGEND. Ergh.)

Anyway ... THIS story is TRUE and worth repeating. Hope you enjoy!

G'nite and God bless!

Love,
Tara B.

THE HOT WATER BOTTLE - A True Story By Helen Roseveare, Missionary to Africa

One night, in Central Africa, I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all that we could do, she died leaving us with a tiny, premature baby and a crying, two-year-old daughter.

We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive. We had no incubator. We had no electricity to run an incubator, and no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts.

A student-midwife went for the box we had for such babies and for the cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly, in distress, to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst. Rubber perishes easily in tropical climates. “...and it is our last hot water bottle!” she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk; so, in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over a burst water bottle. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways. All right," I said, “Put the baby as near the fire as you safely can; sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job is to keep the baby warm.”

The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with many of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle. The baby could so easily die if it got chilled. I also told them about the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died. During the prayer time, one ten-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt consciousness of our African children. “Please, God,” she prayed, “send us a water bottle. It’ll be no good tomorrow, God, the baby’ll be dead; so, please send it this afternoon.” While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added by way of corollary, “ ...And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she’ll know You really love her?” As often with children’s prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, “Amen?” I just did not believe that God could do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything: The Bible says so, but there are limits, aren’t there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time that I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the veranda, was a large twenty-two pound parcel! I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone; so, I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box. From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then, there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children began to look a little bored. Next, came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - - that would make a nice batch of buns for the weekend. As I put my hand in again, I felt the...could it really be? I grasped it, and pulled it out. Yes, “A brand-new rubber, hot water bottle!” I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, “If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!” Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone: She had never doubted! Looking up at me, she asked, “Can I go over with you, Mummy, and give this dolly to that little girl, so she’ll know that Jesus really loves her?”

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months, packed up by my former Sunday School class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God’s prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. One of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child – five months earlier in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it “That afternoon!” "And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." Isaiah 65:24

(Helen Roseveare a doctor missionary from England to Zaire, Africa, told this as it had happened to her in Africa. She shared it in her testimony on a Wednesday night at Thomas Road Baptist Church.)