considerable grace

Sophie’s front tooth finally wiggled itself out:



She said it didn’t even hurt—I’m sure that’s because it was COMPLETELY dead. Should’ve popped out a week ago—there was nothing live holding that thing in. Her adult tooth is FULLY visible already. (And I think she’s just adorable in her toothlessness.)

Sophia is also having loads of fun with a new learning adventure we’re on ... learning to type:



I haven’t read any books or done any research at all as to what is “best” for kids re: learning to use a keyboard, so I don’t have any idea if “experts” or whomever would say this is a bad idea ...

I’ve just thought about for quite some time ("How are we going to introduce Sophie to computers? What is going to be a good fit for our family?")—and just like learning an instrument, it seemed to me that it’s way better and way easier to never mess around with bad positioning. (For example, with piano, if a kid learns to play on the pads of his fingers rather than the tips in a nice, rounded, relaxed hand position with eyes only ever on the music (never looking down), it is VERY hard to develop good hand position and stop “peeking”. But if you start a child right away with good hand position and help them keep their eyes only on the music, that will stay with them for a LONG time.)

We’re also very committed to integrating computers into learning. Yes, I want her to learn to research “the old fashioned way.” Yes, we still read and read and read and we’re a non-computer-game-family. But as we learn about geography, we LOVE Google Earth. As we discover new operas or play new music in youth orchestra, we enjoy hearing and seeing clips online. I want her to be comfortable with word processing, spreadsheeting, presentation software, etc. And oh! I pray that we can help her to be safe and wise re: the internet (just as we strive to help her to be safe and wise re: walking around a big city).

And so far? Typing Instructor for Kids has been a great fit for us. She learned all three rows of letters in three days—and now she’s just working on bringing up her wpm while maintaining her accuracy. Plus? She LOVES it. We have to be diligent to do our other duties before we do the “fun” of working hard on typing.

Very cool.

We also had some serious fun Sunday night watching Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and then listening to our favorite tunes from Ragtime.

Sophie and Ella did some pretty cute dancing to those ragtime tunes. (Ella dances like this ...)



And, as my Facebook pals already know, Fred cracked me up when he said, “I’m probably the only man in America who watched Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat tonight (rather than the Super Bowl).” To which I replied to Fred that, statistically, I doubt that’s true because there’s probably some serious overlap in the subset of men in America who did NOT watch the Super Bowl and who DO like both musicals and their families.

Don’t you think?

(Oh, and BTW ... Ella wanted to be in the typing photo too ...)



That’s pretty much the news from Lake Woebegone. THANK YOU for praying for my friend. So many times I just doubled over today and cried (and cried out, “I can’t BELIEVE it!!”). Not in that “railing against God / tempted to sinful anger” kind of way. Just wracked with grief. I simply cannot believe it.

Anyway. Thanks for praying.

We’re into cuddle time now, so I need to scoot.

Blessings and goodnight,
Tara B.

(& cuddle bugs Eleanor & Sophia too)

Would you please take a moment right now and pray for a friend of mine?

I can’t go into details (wouldn’t be appropriate) but this friend is suffering horribly. Right now. And it seems that the suffering is not only not ending or even slowing down—it is increasing in intensity at levels that I can’t even wrap my mind around.

I am in shock. I am so sad. I am so ANGRY at the ravaging effects of sin and the realities of life in a fallen world.

Oh! Won’t you please pray for my friend?
I would be so very, very grateful.

Thank you.
— Tara B.

Thanks, TulipGirl, for this great Luther quote on restoring gently:

What does “restoring gently” look like? Luther explains, “when they see that those persons are sorrowful for their offenses, they should begin to raise them up again, to comfort them, and to mitigate their faults as much as they can—yet through mercy only, which they must set against sin, lest those who have fallen are swallowed up with depression.” And “. . .gently, and not in the zeal of severe justice.”

I read this when you first posted it back in January, and while I still have a LONG way to go in being more gentle, I must admit that it has helped me.

In particular, I am prayerfully striving to be faster at, more sincere about, giving people a break by graciously covering over their offenses.

As one example ...

The other day, Sophie replied to me in a very snippy and snide way. It surprised me and I truly didn’t know why she had done it. (There was no obvious temptation or presenting issue like me having just been a jerk to her or her being tired, etc.)

Of course I asked her about it. Our conversation went something like this:

"Whoa. Hon? What just happened?"

“I was disrespectful to you.”

“Yes, you were. Do you know WHY you were disrespectful, honey? Can you help me to understand what is going on in your heart?”

“Well. Mom? Do you ever do something or say something and even the MOMENT you do it, you wish you hadn’t?”

“Sure. I can relate to that. Is that what happened here?”

“Yes. And I’m sorry.”

“OK. No problem. Let’s just let it go.”

And we did.

“Love covers over a multitude of sins.” "Love is not easily provoked." “Be merciful just as your Heavenly Father is merciful.”

This is my prayer. Oh! This is my prayer.

Blessed Sunday to you—

Yours,
Tara B.

A couple of days ago, Sophie and I had an exchange that was convicting and informative (and a little funny in retrospect too). It went something like this:

"Soph? I’m going to take Ella upstairs now and try to help her get to sleep for her nap."

“OK, Mom.” (Her words said, “OK,” but her tone said, “I’m not happy.”)

“Soph? Is something wrong? You seem to be saying, ”OK," but then you seem mad about it."

“Well ... I thought you said we were going to watch that video together?”

(She was right. I had said that. I had just forgotten.)

“Yes, that’s true. OK. Let’s go watch the video and I’ll hold Ella downstairs.” (My words said, “OK,” but my tone said, “I’m not happy.”)

“Mom? Is something wrong? You seem to be saying, ”OK," but then you seem mad about it."

Hmmmmm. Really? Wonder where she learns this stuff from?

(!!)

So all of this led into a productive conversation about our hearts / James 4 / desires elevated to demands / monster wants, etc. It also gave us a great opportunity to learn to communicate better.

(Oh, how I pray that our lines of communication will remain open and honest as she continues to grow!)

Back into our strange Saturday now ... strange because now Ella is really sick. So I held her until around 2AM and then Fred held her the rest of the night, poor love. So in addition to not feeling well ourselves, we are really tired and “off” from sleeplessness.

Good thing another snowstorm is blanketing us in. No place to go!

Blessings to you and yours,
Tara B.

Just a little shout-out to Steph Hubach and her entire MNA Special Needs Ministries team for their hard work serving the members of our denomination who have disabilities (and their families and churches too)—Thanks for your ministry! And God bless you as even more PCA churches get to know you, become better equipped themselves, and (hopefully!) support you with prayers and financial support too.

If your church is in the PCA and you don’t already have a strategic, gospel-proclaiming ministry dedicated to glorifying God by enjoying and supporting people with disabilities in your church, I encourage you to get to know this ministry. (Actually, even if you already DO have such a ministry, please get to know them anyway because in true Presbyterian fashion, then YOU can be a part of serving others in our denomination too.)

MNA Special Needs Ministries - 2010 WIC Love Gift

Thanks, Molly and Jennie for reminding me of just how (tragically) funny this video is:



(And yes, this is the video I was trying to describe to a few women at the event last weekend in South Carolina. But oh! I could never do it justice.)

A must watch—especially if you have a passion for true, gospel, biblical counseling rather than legalistic behavior modification via to-do lists (even two word to-do lists as illustrated by this classic video).

I felt strangely disconnected yesterday during my internet-free day, but it turned out to be a wonderful time. I connected in real life with human beings, spent more time with my girls, started a book I’m excited to read, AND got to take some photos of Ella that I think are pretty cute. I think I may take technology breaks more often.

I also thought of a 4th conviction that helped me to unpack and straighten our home without being a total grouch the other day:

4. I didn’t want Sophie to grow up saying, “Yes, it was our family’s privilege to sacrifice so that my mom could go and serve at different events. But boy she sure was a GROUCH stomping around the day after she got back—reconciling paperwork, packing orders, following up on emails, unpacking / doing laundry / cleaning / re-engaging with our family life.” NOPE. That is NOT how I wanted her childhood to be.

So thank God for conviction! And for grace to change.

I’ll put the photos at the bottom of this post just in case you’d like to smile. And then I’m back to taking care of (very) sick Sophie and (getting very) sick Fred. But so far Ella and I are holding our own, thank God!

Blessed Thursday to you all—

Yours,
Tara B.

Sweet Ella Marie!




Happy Sweet Half-Birthday, Big Six Month-Old Eleanor!






First Time Really Exploring and Crawling All Over Lilikoi




Developmental Milestones! Pre-Crawling Here We Come ...






Not So Happy with First Solids (a.k.a. “What are you people DOING to me?!?”)



Poor sick Sophie and poor sick Fred …

I only have a second because I’m typing this on Fred’s laptop and he has to leave for work soon ...

But I wanted to tell you three graces that God gave me yesterday that helped me to not sin as I tried to dig out from the chaos that had taken over (literally) every single room in our tiny little home. As I worked to tackle the piles (and piles and PILES) of stuff (suitcase and box that needed unpacking, mail to sort and deal with, craft and school and science fair stuff everywhere, sick-kid-survival-mode-areas strategically placed throughout the house filled with books and CDs and projects), I remembered:

1. That Paul Tripp quote from “A Quest for More” that I read at the retreat on Saturday (about a mother “in a flash of irritation” sacrificing the relationship she is supposed to have with her child on the altar of her desire for order/cleanliness) and I really TRULY prayed that God would help me to NOT do that.

2. I remembered how hard Fred worked to keep things orderly and how, actually, they WERE quite orderly (underneath the piles there was a strong undercurrent of non-chaos). And I really wanted to communicate to Fred how grateful I was. I felt grateful! I wanted to demonstrate gratitude. And I knew that being frustrated and angry was not the way to do it.

3. In a “moment of sanity” I told myself that a) At some point (maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week), there WOULD be order again (I really did have a dining room table underneath all of that stuff, somewhere!); and b) I didn’t really want to have to repent later for sinning NOW to get to that orderly point.

Was I 100% successful? No. But I was definitely BETTER than I’ve been at other times.

Total grace.

And today? I get to have a 100% TECHNOLOGY-FREE-DAY because Fred is doing something with my laptop that requires me to NOT TOUCH IT.

Wow. I can’t think of the last time I went an entire day without email or facebook, etc. I think it was the time at my event in Florida when my laptop’s AC charger fritzed out and I was left with nothing other than a hotel PEN the entire weekend (and the three flights home). Wow. That was a long stretch.

But today? I’m thinking glitter and glue and Valentine’s Day box creation time. And maybe some cookies in matching aprons? Oh, only if Soph feels up to it. (I just asked her and she said through her croupy little cough, not even raising her fevered head above the pillow, “OK, Mom.”) Hmmmmmm ... maybe we’ll just snuggle the day away and watch musicals and operas.

Please bear with my lack of response on email and fb and blog comments today!

Cutting the string to the Internet now—

Yours,
Tara B.

Hello again from the Barthel chaos!

Hope your Tuesday is going well. Fred laughed when I told him I’d been awake and working hard since 3:30AM. We thought I might have a hard time getting back onto Mountain time after five days on the east, but after today he said (quoting): “Keep this up and you’re going to be on EUROPE time.” Yes, I am.

But, thanks to a few hours of hard work and a gracious husband’s willingness to stop by the post office on his way to work, most of my South Carolina orders are already in the mail.

(Hooray for Fred!)



I did want to tell you that if you ordered Ed Welch’s book, “Running Scared,” it’s going to be a couple of extra days before your order will go out. Peacemakers is out of stock for three weeks and I didn’t want you to have to wait that long, so I bought the 13 copies I needed from another seller and as soon I receive them, I’ll have them in the mail to you. (I have your boxes/envelopes labeled and ready to go.)

Sorry for the delay! Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.

Back to (very) sick Sophie (I’m concerned!) and (very) cute Ella now—

Gratefully,
Tara B.

I was making it home yesterday just fine when WHAM! I went from an experienced frequent flyer (bopping along to some tunes, interspersing work and rest, happily trying to be kind to people and not overly concerned with my own comfort) to a troubled and sad woman.

And the strange thing is, it all happened so fast. (My emotions really ARE prone to swells and dips, aren’t they?)

It’s 3:30AM now and I’m about to go down into the office and work on packing my SC orders, but first I thought I’d pray. (OK. FIRST I thought I’d check email and FaceBook. Just being honest.) And THEN I thought, “Wow! I need to pray.”

To do so? In moments like these when my heart is grouchy and troubled and angst-ridden? I need to write. Praying out loud or silently to myself just doesn’t cut it. There’s something about the tactile transfer of words to page (or words to screen) that helps me to stay organized and (hopefully!) better equip me for faith’s fight against sin (or grieving with hope or casting all my cares on the Lord because He cares for me—whatever the situation du jour requires).

After some time processing, this is what I’ve come up with:

- Just as “Fight 37” continues to tempt Fred and me in our marriage, my restless heart last night had at its root absolutely nothing new. Bottom line? I was rejected last night and I felt the sting of past rejection last night and I feared further rejection last night.

- Yup. It was my old nemesis: Fear of Man. Rather than finding myself wholly in Christ; rather than being defined wholly by His love for me and His care for me; rather than staking my claim on His finished work (the gospel!) ... I wanted people to want me. And when they didn’t? (Or I just FELT like they didn’t?) My heart was tempted to despair.

(Oh oh oh. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God ...)

Ironically, the actual rejection didn’t even hurt me that much. It was from dear Eleanor! And even I, messed up ol' Tara, could understand why a little six month-old baby who had only been held by her father for five straight days would cry and cry and CRY during our 30-second transfer in between getting me home from the airport and Fred’s needing to leave for his deacon’s meeting at church. Does my baby not love me? Of course not. After a few minutes, did she figure out that she actually adores me and feels safe with me and did she calm right down and fall asleep snuggled into me? Yes. Thankfully. (Especially because she is, like Sophie, getting sick now which is very concerning to me since RSV is going through our little town again.)

So that was unpleasant. (Happy as a clam baby in her father’s arms. Transfer to me? COMPLETE BABY CRUMPLE FACE!! Back to Fred? Cooing and sweet. Handed to me? Cry scream weep cry. Nope. Not pleasant.)

But it didn’t really HURT me. She was just a tired, not feeling well, little muffin. I mostly felt bad for her. Her “rejection” didn’t wound me.

It was actually the remembrance of past rejection and the fear of future rejection that touched a deeply wounded place in me—a place that I honestly believed was a little more healed and sound and mature than was evidenced last night.

The past rejection was, I believe, brought out of my subconscious mind and thrust into my conscious existence by a series of sensory experiences I had in one of my (four) airports yesterday.

It happened at the end of a long layover that had otherwise been very pleasant (laptop plugged in; cranking through actionable emails; enjoying conversations off and on with my mother, mother-in-law, and Fred; ordering some educational materials for Sophie; totally enjoying my first dessert of the weekend—a tall mocha frappuccino extra shot no whip—YUM!) ...

But when it came time to move towards my gate, I bopped along to an old Keith Green album (hearing), looked out the window and saw the mountains (sight), and could still smell and taste my mocha frappuccino. Then, without warning, I had the strongest remembrance of the time in my life when I was wracked by the greatest pain and the greatest rejection I have ever felt. It was far worse than the suffering related to my childhood, because just as Psalm 55 so powerfully captures, this was a pain related to a brother in Christ. And thus, it was devastating:

"If an enemy were insulting me,
I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me,
I could hide from him.

But it is you, a man like myself,
my companion, my close friend,

with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
as we walked with the throng at the house of God." Psalm 55:12-14

In a wave of swirling emotions last night, I remembered with horror how hopeless and helpless and unloved and beyond redemption I felt during that time of life. I even remembered (although I am SO shamed to admit this!) how I entertained the thought, in that very airport of not going home to Fred. Ever.

What a wicked thought! But I had it. I started to tell myself that my life would be better if I just walked out through security, rented a car, drove it as far as I could, left it by the side of the road, and then walked as far as I could into the desert until I found a diner where I could get a job under a false name and live the rest of my life. Alone.

I know that must sound crazy to you. Today? February 2, 2010? It sounds crazy to me too. But at that time? In my pain? I really did relate to what the psalmist wrote:

"My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death assail me.

Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.

I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest-

I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
Selah

I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm." Psalm 55:4-8

Back then, after an extended season of suffering, all I wanted to do was “fly away.”

Thankfully, even though it cut my heart like a knife (!); and though I remember that I was the very last person to board my plane, I did not run away from that airport those many years ago. Instead, I went home and confessed to Fred my temptation to flee from my troubles.

Miraculously, he did not respond with judgment and rejection as I confessed such a faithless and evil temptation. Instead, he said one of the most gracious things that anyone has ever said to me in any context:

"I would have found you, Tara. If you hadn’t gotten off of that plane in Billings, I would have been on the next flight to find you and I never would have stopped searching until I brought you home."

("What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? ...")

All of these thoughts and remembrances came washing over me as I headed to my gate. But even that was OK. I was mostly rejoicing in God’s grace in keeping me in Him throughout that challenging time. I was grateful that my current life situation was not one of raw, daily suffering like so many people I know and care about.

I was doing OK. But then ...

Then I began to think more and more (and more) about a current situation I am facing wherein I’m fairly certain I am being criticized and judged (and rejected) by a group of people to a group of people and oh! It just makes me sad. No, that’s not completely true. The truth is that it makes me sad, yes, but it also makes me MAD. Especially because I truly feel that their view of me is unfair and unwarranted.

(Whoops! My practical theology is showing with that statement isn’t it. I talk a good ("confessional theology") game re: the doctrines of indwelling sin and total depravity, but when push comes to shove, my PRIDE rears up against TRUTH and deep down I want to defend and vindicate myself. I can coach and teach The Cross and Criticism with the best of them, but actually LIVING IT OUT?! Well, crud.)

(Oh, and by the way, as Fred gently reminded me last night ... Probably? The people I am tempted to obsess over aren’t even thinking of me AT ALL. More than likely, I’m not even a blip on their radar screen because people really do think of us a LOT LESS than we can ever imagine.)

The truth is that it is HARD to live for Christ alone, by faith alone, for God’s glory alone. It is hard to die to self. Left to our own devices, we usually WANT to “fit in” and “be liked” (and we will expend a lot of time, emotions, effort, and energy trying to get people to think well of us and “choose us”).

Fear of man really is a snare!

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trust in the Lord is kept safe." Proverbs 29:25

That is our only hope.

I knew it last night, even as my heart was heavy. I kept TRYING to beat back against my emotions with truth. I even said out loud, “The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 118:6-7).

I reached out to two dear friends and asked them to pray for me.

I reviewed old journal entries on suffering and remembered:

"What God ordains is always good: His will is just and holy. As he directs my life for me, I follow meek and lowly. My God indeed in every need knows well how he will shield me; to him then I will yield me.

What God ordains is always good: He never will deceive me; He leads me in his own right way, and never will he leave me. I take content what he has sent; his hand that sends me sadness, will turn my life to gladness.

What God ordains is always good: His loving thought attends me; No poison can be in the cup that my physician sends me. My God is true each morning new I trust his grace unending, my life to him commending.

What God ordains is always good: He is my loving father. He never seeks to do me harm though many storms may gather. Now though I know both joy and pain, some day I shall see clearly, that he has loved me dearly.

What God ordains is always good; This truth remains unshaken. Though sorrow, need, or death be mine, I shall not be forsaken. I fear no harm, for with his arm He shall embrace and shield me; So to my God I yield me."

Did remembering truth fix everything and suddenly make me 100% happy and at peace? No.

But remembering truth—God is real; all of history is on a timeline of redemption; I am no longer an orphan; this life is short; eternity is my real home; God is growing me in grace and HE will complete the good work He has begun; what can man do to me?—did help. Oh, and I also left EVERYTHING a total wreck in the house last night (which is very out of character for me). I didn’t even try to unpack one bag or catch up on one administrative email.

I just climbed into bed with the girls, read, cuddled, and went to sleep (because I also recognized that some of my temptations last night were simply tied to me being physically and mentally exhausted).

There is grace for the day! And the Lord will never reject His children (Psalm 27:10).

Off to pack some orders now ...
(In the battle. But striving to remember that the battle is already won.)

Happy Tuesday to you!

Your friend,
Tara B.

TakeYourVitaminZ posted this and I just kept grinning and shaking my head in the SLC airport ...

So even though I’m a tiny bit concerned it may be too snarky, Fred said it isn’t, so I’m going to post it.

Hope you enjoy! (And please know that I really DON’T have this view of most men in the church. Most of the Christian men I know are wise and gracious examples of servant leaders who work incredibly hard, often at great sacrifice. But I do like satire.)

One more flight to go,
Tara B.



From the best of Christian Radio comes an album just for you males in the church out there. It’s the best weepy, whiney overly-emotional spineless songs to encourage you as you battle through your hard and tedious life day after day. Titles include:

- My Parents are Making me Move Out

- Why Do I Need a Job?

- Responsibility is Not My Spiritual Gift

- My X Box Broke, Help me Through This Storm

- Why Do Girls Want a Man With a Job?

- I Spilled My No-Fat Mocha Latte on My Lemon Yellow Vest

- Mark Driscoll Yelled at Me and Now I Want to Cry

...and many more great titles to lift you up when darkness clouds your spineless, aimless existence.

(HT: TomInTheBox)

Sophie and I had a fun time Skyping last night because she kept (excitedly) bringing me everything in the house that had to do with Pompeii:

"Mom! Mom! Did you know that Pompeii is not only in our history cards? It’s also in Jack & Annie’s Magic Tree House. And we even have MORE books on it too?!"

Mmmmmmmmmm. Really? That’s so cool! (Wonder how all of those interesting history-related resources got into the house, dearie bearie. )

(Not that I would ever say that.)

I just responded by saying, “Great! Tell me all about it.” And she did.

I have to say—I absolutely adored Sophia when she was a teeny tiny little newborn. And I loved and enjoyed her as a toddler and preschooler. But this “big (little) kid” age is tremendously interesting and enjoyable too.

Pretty much at every stage, Fred and I used to say, “This is SO great! This is the BEST stage.” But now we know that every stage is the best stage. And we’re blessed even to have just one more moment, one more day, one more experience with our little ones.

But oh! It’s HARD, isn’t it? Parenting, I mean.

Being a mother is beyond a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done. (And I would guess Fred would say the same about being a father.) I really hope I make it home tonight, not only to see them all—but to give Fred a rest. Being the sole parent for tiny kids, especially when one is sick, is not only physically exhausting, it is mentally exhausting. (What a great reminder to continue to pray for and look for ways to support our actively deployed military families and the single parents in our churches too. They do this month after month, year after year!)

We’re about to board, so I need to sign off. I’ll do so by saying that one of the FIRST thoughts I had as Sophie was so excited about Pompeii was actually, “I hope I didn’t drop a ball and leave something age INAPPROPRIATE in her reach.” Because when I was little (I’d guess it was right around 1978 ), we went and saw the Pompeii exhibit at The Art Institute in Chicago and OH MY STARS! It terrified me. I was WAY too young to see those images.

Thankfully, Sophie is learning about the destruction in abstraction. Plenty of life left for her to live and learn about this (and other) horrors at age-appropriate times.

Off to my tiny plane now—

Happy, blessed Monday to you,
Tara B.

TakeYourVitaminZ thanked Tim Chester for this (great!) Marcus Honeysett article ('tis hard to accurately thank everyone re: links to links to links in blogland, isn’t it? but I do try ...)

A Hole in the Fuel Tank? Ten Reasons Why Churches Stall

I encourage you to read the entire article (it isn’t long). And to tempt you, here are just a few summary points from Mr. Chester to consider as to why churches stall:

1. The church forgets who we are and what we are for … mission quickly becomes just one among many activities rather than the defining vision of who we are as a community.

2. The majority of believers are no longer thrilled with the Lord and what he is doing in their lives. When questions like ‘What is God doing with you at the moment?’ cease to be common currency, it is a sure sign of creeping spiritual mediocrity.

3. The single biggest cause of stalled churches is the belief that material comfort can be normative for Christians. It is the opposite of radical commitment to Christ.

4. [Christians] see church as one among many leisure activities, usually low down the priority list. They are unlikely to see the Christian community as God’s great hope for the world and unlikely to put commitment above self-interest.

5. Where people take no personal responsibility for their own spiritual growth a stalled church becomes more likely.

6. When preaching, teaching and Bible study become ends in themselves rather than means to an end, something is badly wrong.

7. A church becomes afraid to ask radical questions … People start to equate serving the church with living out the gospel. Few churches regularly evaluate every aspect of church life against their core vision.

8. Confusing Christian activities with discipleship …

9. Not understanding how to release and encourage everyone in the church to use their spiritual gifts for the building up of the church … There are two types of DNA in churches. One type of church says ‘we exist to have our personal spiritual needs met’, the other ‘we exist to impact our locality and the world with the gospel of the grace of God in Christ’. The first type is a stalled church.

10. No church was stalled at the point that it was founded. At the beginning all churches were adventures in faith and daring risk for God ... but at some point the mindset shifted from daring passion for the Lord to comfortable mediocrity … The mantra of the maintenance mindset is ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’. But just like buying shoes for growing children, if structures don’t take account of future growth then fellowships end up stunted and deformed.

Much to think about. And a great reminder to keep praying for our church leaders and actively look for ways to encourage and help them.

(Maybe today would be a great day for your family to begin memorizing and praying over all of your elders, deacons (council members / whatever term your church uses for leaders) and their families. It seems to me that one of the best ways we can honor and serve our leaders is to know who they are and pray for them.)

Blessed Sabbath to you all!

Yours,
Tara B.

I just finished my fifth session at this women’s retreat in South Carolina.

What a privilege it was to be with these remarkable women! I learned so much by our conversations and I was truly edified just to be with them all. (Plus, they were extremely gracious with me re: what I would charitably describe as not my best teaching sessions. I tried my best! But oh, I was not pleased with my service to them. Don’t worry—I’m not beating myself up. I am simply praying and trusting that God’s grace to cover (yet again) my lack.)

Now I’m processing all of the paperwork related to serving 200+ women and wondering if I’ll get to serve tomorrow night or whether that event will be canceled. (I’m supposed to train some women leaders at a different church—same city—tomorrow night. But a winter snow storm has blanketed the area with ice and snow and church services are canceled for the morning. So we’ll just have to see how the night goes tomorrow and whether I can get home Monday.

But that’s not my prayer request. I’m actually putting up this blog to ask for prayer for sweet Sophie and dear Fred and Ella because Sophie is sick.

We’re still trying to figure out how sick—but she’s pretty miserable and Fred had to cancel leading worship tomorrow and we’re prayerfully trying to determine our plan for Monday re: childcare. (Because, of course, we don’t want to expose anyone else to whatever she’s fighting. And it’s just no fun to be sick when you’re little—harder still to be away from Mom and Dad.)

So thanks for praying for her and for us—
And thanks, South Carolina ladies, for a wonderful weekend!

Back to my spreadsheets and to-do lists now.

G'nite,
Tara B.

Lots of encouraging things happening in the last few days ...

I met a sister in Christ on my third flight yesterday. Her name was Phyllis and she performed her flight attendant duties for our little prop-jop full of weary travelers with such a sweet countenance and such genuine kindness that I thought, “I wonder if she is a Christian?” Because either she was, or she was one of the most remarkably gentle unbelievers I’ve ever met.

Towards the end of the flight, after I had turned over every piece of paper / baggage receipt / scrap from a magazine I could find in order to continue to journal ...

(Those of you who “need” to write to really work things through / pray will understand what I’m describing.)

... I squirreled up my courage and asked her if she had a Bible that I might borrow for a few moments. (I had violated my cardinal rule for traveling and checked my suitcase—including my Bible—because I didn’t think my knees were up to schlepping it through four airports, all with very short connection times.)

She did and she graciously got it for me from her purse. (She also asked, in such a loving and kind way that I felt like the kid grasping to the piece of floating wood after the Titanic sank and the pastor cried out, “Are ye saved, laddy?!?” ... “Are you born again?” "Yes, mam," I replied. “Great!” she said. And handed me her—well worn—Bible.)

Oh! Like water to a thirsty man. I drank it in. I read all of 1 Peter and, of course, was soothed by God’s mercy, convicted of my sin, broken in repentance, and finally filled with gratitude and HOPE—that God would love a sinner like me; that He would forgive me. Again. That He would continue to give me everything I need to walk in a new way—a way of life and of gracious forbearance (rather than the selfish, self-centered, proud, defensive, ugly way I was tempted to walk).

Such is the fruit of godly repentance!

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

Repentance is such a grace.

I’ve also been blessed by a Sermon Series on Hope suggested to me by Susan P. (Thanks, Susan!) I regularly have it playing now and it is extremely edifying.

Lastly, I just read on the IX Marks blog that Jonthan Leeman’s new book is out so I immediately ordered it from Amazon:

The Church and The Surprising Offense of God’s Love

Can’t wait to read it! The description sounds spot-on:

"When the world speaks of “love,” it often means unconditional acceptance. Many churches have adopted this mind-set in their practice of membership and discipline-if they have not done away with such structures entirely. “Yet God’s love and God’s gospel are different than what the world expects,” writes Jonathan Leeman. They’re centered in his character, which draws a clear boundary between what is holy and what is not. It’s this line that the local church should represent in its member practices, because the careful exercise of such authority “is God’s means for guarding the gospel, marking off a people, and thereby defining his love for the world.”

So how should churches receive and dismiss members? How should Christians view their submission to the church? Are there dangers in such submission? The Church and the Surprising Offense of God’s Love responds with biblical, theological, and practical guidance-from both corporate and individual perspectives. It’s a resource that will help pastors and their congregations upend worldly conceptions and recover a biblical understanding and practice of church authority."

Amen! We can surely use all the (Christ-centered, biblical, gospel-soaked) help we can get with this topic.

Off into my day here in beautiful Greenville now!

Yours,
Tara B.