considerable grace

I have to admit, the first post I read (from a link from the wonderful Nicole H’s facebook page) kind of scared me because it’s just SO far away from where I (hope to be? want to be?) am as a wife, mother, homemaker, domestic-diva-Tara. But ... the tagline for a blog entitled “Like Mother, Like Daughter” caught my attention ("Because it’s important to maintain the collective memory") and I was interested enough in the few things I glanced at from these mothers ("technically, a mother, four daughters, and a grandmother") that I’m going to bookmark it and try to really poke around when I’m feeling like facing my fears and taking even just one baby step towards dominion in my domestic duties.

(I have to gear up for such things and this morning is NOT a good morning for me to try. Day seven of a fever. I’m feeling discouraged and just hope to survive the day with a modicum of faith and grace.)

I thought it was interesting that it came right after I saw a post for a woman in town who offers sewing lessons. (I REALLY want Sophie and Ellie to have basic sewing skills and since I can’t equip them and my efforts to fill that gap with family or friends hasn’t really worked out, saving up for paid lessons is, I think, going to be the way we have to go.)

And I kind of liked the bluntness (and really liked the substance) of this post on disciplining children:

Six-to-Eleven Year Olds Needs Less Patience from You

So I’ll give this blog a few checks back and see if I can take it (emotionally / spiritually / bread-making-crafty-anxiety-provoking-temptingly); or we’ll see if it ends up in that “maybe look at these blogs one day if I have the courage” domestic-website-scary-archive that is buried deep in my bookmarks bar.

Hooray for generational relationships!
Hooray for women who have strong gifts in lots of different areas of life!

Your friend,
Tara B.

Or are they holding their behavior together just long enough to get AWAY from their homes and churches because the “moralistic therapeutic deism” they been faking for years a) holds no interest to them and gives them no purpose for life; b) answers none of their questions or fears; and c) keeps every relationship on some sort of performance level that has no connection to real life?

More Teens Are Becoming “Fake” Christians

OR ...

Can your teens “articulate a personal story about God they can share; do they have a deep connection to a faith community, a sense of purpose, and a sense of hope about their future?”

I don’t think that this article clearly states the best solutions; but the research is worth the read. The following video, I think, does a much better job of articulating “the solution.” It’s directed at pastors in particular, but that’s a good thing. Every resource doesn’t have to be directed at every person. I think any God-centered woman, child, or non-ordained layman who watches this will also be convicted and encouraged in his or her own life. But wow! I think it will also motivate us to pray for our church leaders and serve them well.

And men? ALL men who read this blog? You should watch this video:



(HT and happy anniversary to PureChurch!)

Just like when Fred tried initially to teach me about spreadsheets, .mp3/Ipod files, and how to bake bread, I was very resistant when he kept telling me “how EASY” it is to scan documents through our fancy-shmancy-printer-thingy. But, as usual, Fred was right. It really was fairly simple and now I get to not bug him with my “to-be-scanned-pretty-please” file on his “honey-do” list. I can just take care of it myself! And that’s great.

Because I’ve really wanted to be more systematic about scanning certain documents for our family’s annual Picaboo Photo Book. Yes, I still save the originals (or send them to family members). But I also love capturing those little phonetic misspellings of Sophie learning to write, her beautiful pictures capturing her daily Bible reading in her journal, and lots of other treasures too:





Plus, when you have a kiddo who is prolific in creating things, sometimes even our Lil' DaVinci Easy to Switch Art of 'Em Frames can’t keep up. So now I can scan and file or scan and send!

This is happiness for ol' Momma Tara who doesn’t dust enough but doesn’t like clutter.

I’m really looking forward to his, “HOW we do it” follow up post to this (brief, excellent) article:

What is a Pastor’s Greatest Asset in Caring for Elderly Widows?

I have mulled (and discussed with others) for years what a disconnect we have in the church when it comes to this topic. Time after time, I travel to a women’s event and hear from “older” women who are lonely, frustrated, bored, wishing they had some sort of ministry calling now that their raising young children years are over AND from mothers of young children who are lonely, frustrated, OVERWHELMED, wishing that someone would have a ministerial calling to help them and care for them.

This is particularly true for those of us who don’t live near any relatives, or whose relatives are not engaged / helpful / interested in intimately knowing us and helping us. I often joke about trying hard to “not covet my neighbor’s grandparents / aunts & uncles”, but my joke really isn’t a joke at all. When I see my dear friends literally MOVING to be closer to their grandchildren, the mom helping with domestic needs, the dad helping with home repairs and “guy stuff”; both helping in spiritual training ... I have to work hard to be content and not covet. (I’m sure this makes me sound awful—I am SO blessed by so many of our family members; I am SO blessed by so many “spiritual relatives” we have ... I know that I have NOTHING to complain about. But still, sometimes there are certain aspects of this part of life that still ache. And I know I’m not the only one.)

SO ... how do we go about connecting these women who have TIME (and gifts, love, intelligence, abilities, passion, energy) with women who could really use a little TIME (and encouragement, rest, practical help, friendship; if they’re anything like me ... TRAINING in domestic things that they never learned in their own growing up years).

By the way, that’s another HUGE area that I hear complaints about ... so often, older women say, “Those young women have been to college and have all sorts of degrees and use technologies I don’t even understand. I’m ”JUST" a wife, mother, and grandmother. What do I have to share with them?" And we younger women, some of us anyway, are thinking, “All I’m good at is higher education and professional work. I have NO CLUE how to maintain a home, cook a meal, be hospitable, parent children, honor God and reflect Christ and the Church by having an intimate marriage. I wish someone would help me!”

But that would take humility and courage on both parts, wouldn’t it?

- The older women would have to be humble and not critical of we who are incompetent in areas of domesticity, homemaking, parenting/spiritual training, etc. And they would have to have the courage to share their counsel with us—this is a big risk because it’s very out of vogue to speak truth into other peoples' lives. ("Who am I to say anything?") And if you ever engage with someone on a REAL level, that puts you at risk—you could be rejected. And rejection hurts! Plus, the older women would have to be humble enough for the young women to see THEIR areas of weakness too.

- The younger women would have to be humble and not critical of older women whose gifts and life experiences are very different from their own. They would also have to have the courage and humility to invite someone into their chaotic, doesn't-look-like-a-magazine-article-in-some-glossy-Parenting-Magazine life. (The only way we can receive help in our weakness is to let other people SEE the areas of our lives that are messed up.)

- And both women would need to be gracious and accepting; not looking for perfection in the other, but bearing with each other in love. If they could begin to feel safe with each other; if they could learn to laugh at their own imperfections and flaws while cheering each other on when there are even tiny steps of faith, love, service, and growth ... well, that would be a beautiful picture of intergenerational, covenantal relationship. And it would surely give the older woman a mission field with no limits and the younger woman a huge dose of encouragement and help.

Of course, I’m using the examples for “older” and “younger” here with all sorts of oft' inaccurate stereotypes. I know plenty of elderly women who upload photos to FaceBook from their Crackberries and I know lots of younger women who can the fruit they picked (Hi, Jennie!), sew up a storm, and manage households of MULTIPLE young children with apparent ease. So please take my words with a big grain of salt.

The main point of what I’m trying to say is this: It’s hard to grow authentic relationships. It’s scary to make yourself vulnerable and risk rejection. But we all have gifts that are to be stewarded for God’s glory and love of neighbor; ALL of us (no matter how gift-deficient we feel).

- That “standoffish” woman that you’re tempted to judge at church because she’s so “snooty”? Maybe she is, sure. But maybe, if you got to know her, you’d learn that her life has pain and suffering at such a great depth that she barely makes it to church each week. She is frightened and lonely. She feels judged and criticized (because she is). So she tries to hold it together and look like she’s not falling apart (by weighing the perfect weight, wearing the perfect clothes and jewelry), but really? She could use a friend.

- That “rude” woman who walks right past you and doesn’t even slow down, more or less greet you? The one who “never does ANYTHING to serve the church; hasn’t ever volunteered in the nursery, taught a Sunday School class, or just helped out”; and “Have you SEEN the way her children behave?! Shocking!” Yeah. Well, she’s a functional single mom because her husband’s addictions and emotional struggles are so great that she’s pretty much alone in trying to keep their family financially afloat AND figure out childcare needs AND get any sleep our nourishment herself (always the last thing on the list). You can stand back and judge her, or be afraid by the complexities of her life ("What could I do to help? I couldn’t FIX everything. Her life is too complicated.") OR, you could take even one step, one little step, today—and bless her. Send her a grocery gift card anonymously; take her children to the zoo; sit in her ("Filthy!") home and not care about the dirty dishes, dust, and piles ... care about HER and her children. And once she knows you care, once she knows that you are actually her FRIEND and you’re not there to judge her and fix her, then maybe she’ll invite you into her mess to HELP.

This is hard stuff. Really hard. None of us does this perfectly. Given the complexities of our lives, we all need the ministerial resources of the church in varying degrees at different times (pastoral counseling, diaconal help, mercy ministries). But those ministries all have one thing in common ... they take PEOPLE. Relationships. Vulnerability. Trust. LOVE.

I’m praying that even this week, I’ll take steps to serve and receive help/service from others too. (Isn’t it always easier to SERVE than to BE SERVED?) I’m looking forward to PracticalShepherding’s next post on this topic too.

Happy Monday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

One of the life lessons that Sophia and I are working on these days is how to live out the tenth commandment—not only not coveting, but also being content with whatever the Lord provides. We have countless opportunities to discuss this heart attitude and pray and encourage each other, because we have countless opportunities to grumble and be defiant.

But it sure is lovely—happy, blessed, enjoyable—when we trust in God’s goodness and sovereignty, not only in the “big stuff” but in tiny little daily life experiences too. (This is a huge struggle for me, especially when I’m in a hurry and that checkout clerk is SO slow, that convenient parking spot just can’t be found, or the tallest person in the hall has a seat right in front of me. True suffering? Sometimes I can bear up under it with faith and grace. Inconvenience? Grrrrrrrr .... it really reveals my selfish heart.)

We talk often about how one of the most important aspects of learning to be content is to honor the God-ordained authority in our lives. Yes, any discussion of authority also includes a careful discussion of the limits of authority and how to make a respectful appeal, but the primary focus is on how wise and God-glorifying it is to learn to engage in faith’s fight against our sinful tendencies; that true happiness is NOT found in getting everything we want, but in being forgiven and loved by God, and then loving God and loving neighbor in response.

I was thinking about all of these concepts this morning when I read PreciousAdornment’s post:

If the Train Should Jump the Tracks

It’s definitely worth the read, especially if you could use a little encouragement to be consistent in your loving, gentle correction of your children. (I know I could!)

I particularly appreciated the reminder of how unlikely your children are to be included in special outings with friends if they are unruly, defiant, and just downright unpleasant to be around. This is so true! So obvious, but so true. The author really nailed my heart attitude ...

Who would I rather invite to spend the day with our family at a waterpark, museum, or out on a Ranch Day? The cheerful, grateful, respectful friend? Or the one who whines, complaints, speaks disrespectfully to me and is mean to my children?.

Oh man. Until I read this article, I didn’t really see this aspect of the situation; I really didn’t realize how prone I am to shy away from including the friends of my children when those children are so difficult to be around. But it’s true. (Can you say FLIGHT?)

So now I have a new concept to pray about, discuss with Sophie (to help her to understand this aspect of the consequences of sin), and prayerfully strive to discern what a Christ-centered, forbearing, kind, loving response looks like when I am called to be around children who are unpleasant to be around. I don’t want to just run away or avoid them—I want to be a real friend, an encourager, a help—just like the countless friends of mine are when my children are difficult to be around too.

Enjoy the post and blessings to you on this beautiful Monday morning!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
In keeping with the theme of contentment, I listened to this sermon by Rev. Dr. Ligon Duncan on my walk with Lilikoi this morning:

Grumbling

TakeYourVitmainZ is preachin' it on marriage today. Short! But wise. Here is just a sliver from the entire post:

"I’ll break it down really simple. Ask yourself this question: How often do the words, “I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me?” come out of your mouth towards your spouse?

Not very often?

If not, either your spouse is enabling your sin, you have a low view of your sin, or you are too insecure in your identity in Christ to confess."

Plus he links to this excellent post on the Resurgence blog:

Cultivating a Gospel-Centered Marriage

Much to think about ...

Wow. What an article by Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post re: “What do stay-at-home moms DO all day?”



(HT: ManOfOneBook via, who else? Challies.com)

Just when I was tempted to feel guilty for the dust in my living room, the hair on my bathroom floor, and the spider (yes, spider) climbing on my back door ... because, rather than clean, and certainly rather than calling a friend to catch up, I had chosen to spend my morning flipping through books with Ella and cuddling with Soph until she left for her PictoGraph Cave Morning (thanks, Moores!). Ahhhh, motherhood.

Hope it gives you a chuckle and a little encouragement too.

Oh—and if you are a real life friend (or event host) and you need to reach me today, please call my cell. Apparently, God wants me offline today because my modem is KAPUTSKIE. Right now I’m in a coffee house accessing their wifi so that I could (what else?) research a new modem and get it ordered ASAP. (Qwest said that for a mere $99.99 + $14.95 shipping, they could have a modem shipped out to us NEXT WEDNESDAY. I thought, “What? Is it a modem made in Mongolia, hand carried over on the back of YAKS? No thanks, Qwest. I’m good. AmazonPrime to the rescue.”)

Hope you have a lovely day!

Yours,
Tara B.

I had to discipline Sophie two times yesterday for really, really “small” things—if you only consider the outward behavior. They were so small that I won’t even describe them for you, but I’m fairly certain that in many parenting situations, they wouldn’t even merit a blink or a passing glance. (I say that based on the whining, rude, demanding, “I’m in charge!” tone and foot-stomping behavior that I observe so often from young children—especially as they relate with their parents.)

But in both cases, I had a fairly good idea what was going on in my beloved, wonderful, precious, insightful, kind little daughter’s heart. I think it’s RC Sproul who describes it as “cosmic treason”—just normal, old-fashioned, thumbing my nose at God (and dishonoring legitimate, servant-oriented, lovingly-applied, God-ordained authority), sin.

'Course, Sophia is old enough now that I don’t just have to guess at such things. I can ask her. And I did:

"Sophia? Could you please explain to me what was going through your mind when you did XYZ? Did you actually remember my clear instruction to NOT do XYZ, feel a little guilt, and do it anyway? Or had you forgotten my instruction and this was just an honest mistake?"

“Ummmmm ...” Sophie replied from the back seat of the car, “Let me think about that for a minute.”

(Never a good sign in these sorts of situations.)

Sure enough, she had remembered the instruction, felt the guilt, and did it anyway. She perfectly illustrated MY heart in that moment—how many times do I know what I ought to do, even feel the momentary conviction of sin, and do it anyway? We call those “Romans 7” moments around here, for truly, the most efficient way to deal with our guilt or conviction of sin is just to indulge in the temptation. In a flash, all of our tension and discomfort are relived. It feels good. For a moment. It’s efficient, but not effective for the long-haul. And it certainly is not good.

So with my typical parenting prayers crying out to God ("What should I do, Lord? What would help my daughter the most in this moment? What would honor you and help her to see the glory and goodness and joy of honoring you? How can I help her to turn away from sin without encouraging her to be a performance-oriented legalist? Does she need the law and painful ramifications? Grace and mercy? Oh, God, how can I help her to understand the seriousness of sin and the spiritual battles that rage related to it; her weakness and yet her calling to engage in faith’s fight against with everything she has; the ongoing, plodding nature of living life in a fallen world even in light of the triumphant, eternally-effective power of the life, death, and resurrection of the Son of Glory?") ...

Even though we “didn’t have the time”, even though what I REALLY wanted to do was take her out for ice cream and read Calvin and Hobbes with Fred and her late into the night, I pushed in and engaged my daughter. I won’t bore you with all of the details, but here are just a few things that happened in our night:

- I disciplined her. Immediately. Appropriately. A painful consequence to try to help her to remember that the way of the sinner is hard, painful, unpleasant.

- I comforted her. I drew her out. I listened to her. She was feeling all sorts of feelings and I wanted to understand her and empathize with her because I care about her.

- I grew frustrated. ("WHY did you do this AGAIN?! Within MINUTES of that law & gospel & relational & prayerful LONG exchange we JUST HAD?! What is WRONG with you?" ... Whoa. That’s what stopped me. “What’s wrong with HER? What’s wrong with ME? C'mon, Tara, get a grip. This is your normal heart attitude all day long. The same thing that’s wrong with her is what is wrong with YOU.”)

- I tried to remember the gospel and then remind my daughter of it too. This came out in so many different ways:

- When she was tempted to still feel condemned, I encouraged her to BELIEVE the truth ("You are forgiven!") more than her feelings, because we all struggle to REALLY believe we can be (and are) forgiven.

- When she was really still stuck in the mire of the battle, I had us stop on the way to a rehearsal just to buy her a book that she’s really been hoping for. It was confusing to her, to be sure. ("Why is Mom blessing me when I’m doing all this bad stuff?") Ahhhhh ... but I was very intentional! I kept thinking about how GOD keeps on blessing ME even when I am struggling; how He never withholds His love from me; how gracious and generous and long-suffering He is. And I wanted to do something tangibly loving for my daughter, even while we were still working through the hard stuff.

- Together, we read Philippians 2 and we talked a lot about how important her interests are—she matters; her feelings and thoughts are important; I want her to be heard. But also that her interests are not the ONLY things that are important—in every situation, other people have interests too. And, of course, v. 21 reminds us to “consider the interests of Christ”, who being in very nature God did not count equality with God as something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking on the very nature of a servant. Mmmmmm ... this really resonated with her. Ever since she was two years old and tried to wash our Golden Retriever’s feet in little bowls of water ("Just like Jesus and the disciples!"), this idea, this image of Jesus being a SERVANT has really stuck in her mind.

- We prayed. We cried. We laughed. A lot. (Because we ended our night after Bible and Catechism with lots and lots o' Calvin and Hobbes.)

Later in the night, I asked Fred if he thought I was strange or inappropriate to not just let “the small things” go. He said no, he trusts me, he trusts my instincts regarding such things. But oh! It’s very hard. It’s very counter-cultural, even among Christians. And my biggest concern is always that I’m being too hard, expecting too much, from such a young little muffin-tater-tot-love-bug. I don’t want to do that! (Shudder!) Or that I’m more concerned with behavior, rather than matters of worship and the heart. (Double shudder!)

But so many times last night, I said to Sophe, “I couldn’t care less about the thing you did. WHO CARES about XYZ? It’s such a small thing. Inconsequential. A nothing. But it’s your heart that I care about. I do! I just love you so much that it grieves me when I see you going down a path of destruction and sorrow for yourself. I want to protect you, call you back from the brink, help you to go down the path of Light and Happiness and Goodness and Truth, the path of right worship of the True God rather than wrong worship of yourself.”

If only I could learn the same lesson.

Thank God for grace!

Happy Friday to you all—

Your friend,
Tara B.

I took a brief respite from my efforts today to order the debut album from Coal Train Railroad. Fun stuff. It’ll be great to have new tunes to dance to with Ella. (Even if the parents in this videos seem WAY too cool for me. Where are the nerdy 40-year old parents? Oh well. Jazz is great and great for kids.)

* WARNING TO SAMARA * There is scat singing by a preschooler in this video. * WARNING TO SAMARA * Jazz scat alert. * WARNING TO SAMARA * Jazz scat alert. * (Samaralara hates jazz scat. )



(HT: ArtHouseAmerica)

This is very interesting to me:

Training Our Children to Use Technology for God’s Glory

I can’t commend or endorse it yet because I haven’t read/watched it. But I am interested ...

In addition to our first birthday festivities this week, we’ve also had a lot of fun with Sophie’s first exchange of “fairy letters” with the fairies who live in our garden.

This little fiction comes to us courtesy of our beloved Auntie Penny and my absolute FAVORITE middlest-niece, Lucy. When Lu was just a tiny girl, they exchanged fairy letters through Penny’s garden. I heard about it and enjoyed it from afar well before we ever had children. And this summer, during our family trip to California, Lucy shared her (precious!) book with Sophie and told her all about fairy letters. THEN, in Ella’s birthday package from their family, she even SENT the book to Sophie. So of course, we had to join right in the fun:







Before we did, however, Sophie and I had our typical, brief conversation about enjoying silly, fun childhood fictions (like the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, etc.), but being aware at the outset that they are, in fact, fiction. We talk about how I never want her to have to figure out, “Is my mom telling me the TRUTH or lying to me?” because I always want to speak truth to her. However, once we have it clear that this is a little kid fiction that we’re just being silly about and enjoying, well, then ... we never speak about it again and we just ENJOY the fictional fun (i.e., “I have NO IDEA how that little letter got into that bush. Hmmmmm ... it must be true that we DO have fairies in Montana too.”).

I know there are lots of variances as to how people handle such things in their own families. My best friend in Illinois is a die-hard “Santa Claus is dead” truth only momma. My other dear friend is a “Just tell the fiction” mom. I wonder how you guys handle these things? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

But right now I have to scoot because Fred has a day-long strategic planning meeting over at Peacemakers. (I’m sure they’d all appreciate your prayers as they work so hard.)

I’ll close with just a few more pics from our First Birthday Celebration for Ella last night. (We all woke up this morning saying, “There’s no baby here! Just a BIG GIRL, big One Year Old Girl!”)

(I can’t stop hearing the song, “TRADITIONS!” from Fiddler on the Roof as I look at these photos.)

Our traditional “first white sugar on your first birthday” thing didn’t go over as well for Ella as for Soph. Back in 2004, Sophia immediately signed, “MORE! MORE!”



Ella wasn’t that fond of it but she did have fun playing in her cake:





Our little educational toy for Ella was a hit and Grandma’s (handmade!) dress was, as always, beautiful:



And Lilikoi stepped well into Choza’s paws by tolerating the one-year-old HAT and being her normal, sweet self amidst all of the festivities:



(Here is Choza in 2004, helping us to celebrate Sophie’s first birthday ...)



With that, I have to run. Hope your day is a blessed one!

Your friend,
Tara B.

Like many moms, I’m sure, last week I began in earnest to turn my attention toward our family’s schedule for the 2010-2011 school year. Yes, I had been reading lots of things, praying, and seeking counsel from various sources all summer. And Fred has been so great about really leading our family in this regard. Not only has he been willing to read various things I’ve shared with him, he has also supported us intentionally seeking out conversations with wise families who are “ahead of us”—chronologically re: the age of their children.

But it wasn’t until last Thursday that I began to actually write some things down, plot out our year on a color-coded spreadsheet (one color for “normal” days, another for “shorter” days because of things like women’s study at church, a third color for “travel” days when I am away serving at an event), and really try to think through and articulate what is important to our family this year, what goals we have, why we will do certain things and not do other things, just how much relax-time/flexibility we want to have in our schedule to enjoy the girls being little, etc. etc.

These “seeking out counsel” conversations have truly helped me in this regard. It’s been incredibly interesting and enjoyable to discuss with other families such topics as:

- Did you ever “formally” (write down?) a “mission statement” for your family and/or homeschool? Or list out goals/priorities, etc? If so, would you consider sharing them with us?

- Do you have any “big picture” / generic counsel for us re: educating children–—things you’ve learned; things you would’ve done differently; pitfalls/rookie mistakes that you could possibly help us to avoid; things you’ve seen work great and would commend to us?

- Given your relationship with our family, what specific (i.e., “for the Barthels”) counsel would you have for us re: a) marriage; b) parenting; c) education? What weaknesses are you observing in us and what suggestions would you have for us? How can we better love God and neighbor (beginning with each other and our children, then moving outward to the church, community, etc.)?

- Do you have any counsel or helps for us re: how to be wise regarding use of time—how to discern and prioritize our “holy musts” from the many “goods” that are out there in life?

- Do you have any counsel or helps for us re: Sophie & Ella & technology / the internet / living in this “wired” world?

- What advice do you have for us specifically regarding the whole “how to maintain Christian unity and genuine love across the educational “divide” at RMCC” issue? (i.e., How to do our best to build and maintain the strongest, most authentic, gospel-oriented relationships we can have when we don’t get to overlap with people as much because of differing educational choices? Everyone is supporting each other, very gracious; there are no conflicts—–but it’s just hard to overlap. Any advice?)

- What questions should we have asked? Is there anything else you would like to share with us to help us to grow in grace / serve better / enjoy God better? (And help Sophia & Ella to do the same.)

It’s been great. Very informative, but also, very encouraging. Each family has emphasized that the Holy Spirit will lead different people and different families in different ways—so it’s wise to seek counsel, but not wise to think there is “A” way or “THE” way. (So true. And so important to emphasize!)

Plus, I have been truly encouraged by how these conversations have reminded me that there is such safety and confidence in knowing that these families love us enough to tell us the truth. Parenting issues? Educational issues? MAN! Can you talk about anything that is more PERSONAL and prone to CONFLICT? (Well, I guess, s*x, money, and in-laws. )

Fred and I have been greatly comforted in knowing that these friends are not afraid to engage with us on personal, REAL, topics. We are not just open to their counsel (and even their rebuke). We are ASKING for it. We want it. We need it. We may develop areas of blindness along life’s way and they will see the situation more clearly than us. So we continue to thank God for authentic relationships in the Body.

I’ll close by asking for prayer re: Dave Edling’s and my current book project ("Redeeming Church Conflicts—Biblical Hope When Your Church Is Falling Apart") ...

One thing that smacked me right upside the head as I plotted out the ACTUAL days of our year was this: I am beyond crazy if I think that I can finish this book this fall AND make all five of my speaking events AND serve Fred, the girls, my church, AND homeschool. Yup. Totally bonkers—even more so than normal Tara-crazy.

SO. I have to get this book done in August. I do. (Or I could always just QUIT and give into those strong urges that scream inside of me, “WHY did I EVER think I could do this in the first place?! I can’t write a book. This is just TOO HARD. It’s going to be awful.” But, as Fred says, I’ve already put a bunch of time in on it. I might as well just finish the thing now, even if (like PMW & LTGIR), I’m always going to feel like it’s a C- to me at best.)

Needless to say, I could really use your prayers.

(Oh. And just so you don’t think I’m being typical-Tara-too-hard-on-herself ... I actually think it’s a GOOD thing that I feel like I can’t complete this manuscript. I feel the same way before every mediation. “I can’t do this!” Nope. I can’t. So it has to be the Lord. If He is not in it? Well. Nothing good will come of it. “Not by might and not by power ...”)

With that, I’m heading into my day. No book writing today! It’s a domestic-diva-Tara, help Sophie bake her cake for Ella’s 1st Birthday (tomorrow!), violin lessons, Irish dance, lots o' cuddles, day around here. What a gift! As I told my sister this morning, “I love my new career.”

Happy Monday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Practical Shepherding has a great post that I encourage you all to read—especially dads who are church leaders, as that is his intended audience. It contains some ideas that might really bless your family:

How Can I Make Sure I Am Individually Shepherding My Children?

We’ve recently begun to pray and work with Sophie very specifically on how to graciously receive counsel. What I mean by that is not so much how to receive a rebuke, but simply counsel—-that daily opportunity we all have to listen to someone who knows something, receive it, consider it, and possibly learn from it.

For example:

"Soph? The lid will go on easier if you start at just one corner."

Response A: “But Mom! I almost had it!”

Response B: “OK. Thanks.”

It’s not that Response A is inherently sinful. I wasn’t commanding her to put the lid on with one corner or anything. She wasn’t being defiant.

But. In Response A, she’s just crankin' along in her own little world. She is not really sensitive to the fact that it is a grace when someone helps us, teaches us, gives us information, advises us. To just respond, “OK” is to demonstrate an element of humility and teachableness that does us well in life.

In fact, I can remember quite clearly being confronted as a teenager about how I “pushed back” too much when people gave me advice—especially related to music. So it was one of my focused goals when I started playing in a symphony in college to not explain myself, defend myself, or be argumentative. When the conductor said, “Tara, you need to lighten up in that section”, I didn’t respond with a bunch of words, I just said, “OK.”

(Obviously, even at age 40, I am by no means perfect in this regard! I still have much to learn re: NOT TALKING. But there is growth, praise the Lord.)

ANYWAY ... I was thinking about all of this when I read this excellent post from Kevin DeYoung. His topic is actually learning to receive a rebuke, but there are definite similarities. Plus, this is a great reminder for all of us as we live out The Third G of Peacemaking:

You Must Learn From It As A Man Does

Well said.

That’ll do me for blogging for the day—off into real life now. Hope your week was a blessed one and your duties go well throughout this entire Friday.

Yours,
Tara B.

What a beautiful, practical, article for single parents and for all of us who have membership vows toward single parents in our churches:

Counsel for Single Parents

(HT: Carolyn McCulley)

HT: Challies for linking to this worthwhile read:

For the Young Mother: Ministry, Guilt, and Seasons of Life

It makes me think of many things, but preeminently, I remember some advice that a dear friend gave me when Sophia was just a baby. She said that she had many of the “ideal” helps around her as a young mother to enable her to do “important” and quite meaningful / ministerial things during those years (like achieve multiple graduate degrees and establish and grow Kingdom-oriented ministries).

Her husband encouraged her to use her (many!) gifts. Her mother lived right there with them—so her children weren’t in daycare. They were in happy grandma land in their own home.

Still. She told me that if she had to do it all over again, she would do things differently. She would spend more time on the floor with blocks and puzzles, reading the same books over and over (and over) again to tiny toddlers. Sher would have waited to do the other things because, although her children are very close with her and their family is very loving, she missed out on those young years and she can never get them back.

Her loving advice to me was to make my children a priority and ENJOY the (monotonous at times, thrilling at times, but ALWAYS important) young years. They only come once!

And so, I read a lot of Boynton Pookie books and sing a lot of “Itsy-Bitsy-Spider”. And I am a blessed, blessed woman.

I’m so grateful for the advice of that friend! And the advice and modeling of so many other friends who don’t mock me ("Why are you WASTING your time / education / mind?!"), but instead, build me up and encourage me ("What you are doing matters. Stay the course! Be content. Enjoy your work. Take dominion in your sphere of influence. Delight! And then rest.") ... because WOW! Society as a whole sure doesn’t encourage godliness in this topic, does it? Either we can tend to swing WAY 'round the bend into some sort of hyper-perfect-competitive-whacked-out-PARENTING RACE, or we can be miserable when we “HAVE TO” do the hard work of taking care of small children and we just try to survive until the next time we can get them out of the way and get back to what we’re REALLY wanting to spend our time, intelligence, emotions, and love on.

Somewhere in the middle is real life. Enjoy enjoy enjoy the baby splashing in the water for HOURS. Ask for a break ask for a break ask for a break and have a little DOWN TIME away from the (adorable but exhausting) baby. Engage engage engage, converse with, listen to, face to face, fully-focused on, no diversions away from, your six and a half year old. Take a break take a break take a break break break and sit in quiet. For just a little while.

No guilt in life. No fear in death.
This is the power of Christ in me.

Blessings to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
As one example of an utterly enjoyable small-kid-moment, last night Sophie distributed Ella’s “baby band instruments” to Uncle Fred, Aunt Kali, daddy, Ella and me; assigned us all “parts” (I had the very important eighth notes); and then proceeded to “conduct” us all in Beethoven’s 9th. Ohhhhhh! That was a fun part of our evening.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating because I really want to encourage you to introduce hymns to your children (and sing them in your daily life). Sophie and I just started systematically memorizing (yes! “all five verses”!) of hymns this past year and we LOVE it.

(Hearing her sing sing sing, while swinging in our backyard, “The prince of darkness GRIM! We tremble not for HIM! His rage we can endure, for lo his doom is SURE!” has been one of the highlights of my summer so far.)

If you’re interested in bringing hymns into your family’s daily life, but wondering HOW to do so, This post from the Gospel Coalition is a great place to start.

(HT: Who else? I’m apparently having a (very edifying!) Pastor Anyabwile morning.)

"Babies need not to be taught a trade, but to be introduced to a world. To put the matter shortly, woman is generally shut up in a house with a human being at the time when he asks all the questions that there are, and some that there aren’t. It would be odd if she retained any of the narrowness of a specialist. Now if anyone says that this duty of general enlightenment (even when freed from modern rules and hours, and exercised more spontaneously by a more protected person) is in itself too exacting and oppressive, I can understand the view. I can only answer that our race has thought it worth while to cast this burden on women in order to keep common-sense in the world.

But when people begin to talk about this domestic duty as not merely difficult but trivial and dreary, I simply give up the question. For I cannot with the utmost energy of imagination conceive what they mean. When domesticity, for instance, is called drudgery, all the difficulty arises from a double meaning in the word. If drudgery only means dreadfully hard work, I admit the woman drudges in the home, as a man might drudge at the Cathedral of Amiens or drudge behind a gun at Trafalgar. But if it means that the hard work is more heavy because it is trifling, colorless and of small import to the soul, then as I say, I give it up; I do not know what the words mean.

To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors and holidays; to be Whiteley within a certain area, providing toys, boots, sheets cakes. and books, to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute." (G.K. Chesterton, as quoted in brief in Andi Ashworth’s Real Love for Real Life—scroll down the page to see the book for only $10. On Amazon it’s $29. Yeep!)

What a great book. Very encouraging for both men and women who are pouring themselves out in caregiving roles in life.

HT: Molly, J.R., Amy L. for linking to this great article:

Successful Parenting by Ed Welch

Even at age six, Sophia is already learning Internet safety. (In age-appropriate lessons of course.)

And I am already praying for both Sophia and Ella (and their future husbands too!)—specifically that they will never be exposed to s*xually explicit materials online or in print. Ever. But especially at a young age.

As someone who was so exposed, I can personally attest to the fact that, yes, God is gracious to help with horrible images and memories. BUT. There is an effect and it is one to be carefully, prayerfully, intentionally, strategically AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. Period.

Randy Alcorn is right:



Please. Take steps now. Be wise. Help your children to be wise. Help your husband and church leaders too. (Fred uses Covenant Eyes on all computers he has access to and I know that all of our church leaders are encouraged to do likewise.)

TakeYourVitaminZ linked to a brief, but thoughtful, article on parenting that I encourage you to read:

Raising Obedient Children

It follows well the post I just put up re: ordained church leaders and I encourage you to begin, at an early age, training your children to understand ALL of the spheres of authority in life:

- Everyone is under God’s authority

- Everyone is under various civil authorities (and as they get older, you can be more specific—federal, state, local; executive, judicial, legislative)

- Christians are under the authority of their ordained church leaders (ecclesiastical authority)

- (At least for us Presbyterians ... ) Ordained church leaders are under the authority of other ordained church leaders

- Children are under the authority of their parents

- Wives are under the authority of husbands

- Work and class/orchestra relationships have various “master-slave” (employer-employee) and teacher-student authority relationships

- (Even when there is no clear authority relationship; as appropriate ...) We all strive to mutually submit to one another for the glory of God and love of neighbor (considering others' interests along with our own interests; always keeping the interests of Christ preeminent)

And then, of course, what does “submit” mean? What does obedience look like? Can we ever appeal? What does a respectful appeal look like?

(* VERY IMPORTANT *) How do we respond if someone in authority exceeds their sphere of their authority—say, a swim class teacher sees us at Target and commands us to, “Get in my car!” Do we obey? No! Why not? What if the swim teacher commands us to, “Stay on the wall of the pool!” during class. Do we obey? Yes! Why?

What about if someone in authority commands us to SIN? Do we obey? Why? Why not?

What if it’s a civil authority who threatens us with imprisonment or even death if we don’t renounce our faith in Christ? Oooooooh! This brings up yet another important area to (age-appropriately) discuss with our children. What are the things in life that we would die over? Go to prison over? Lose our jobs, homes, livelihoods, over? How are we praying for our Christian brothers and sisters around the world who are, right now, suffering persecution, imprisonment, and even death for their faith? Why do we, in the United Stated of America, have the freedom to worship according to our convictions?

(Do your kids know about the U.S. Constitution (and its amendments)? Are you making plans for the upcoming Memorial Day that include honoring the men and women who have DIED to protect those freedoms?)

It’s all related, isn’t it? Doctrine (God’s sovereignty and the ramifications of the Fall) and life. What we teach and how we live. (I really appreciated how the authors of the parenting article I referenced at the top of this post gave examples of how THEY had to obey, too. This is so important! It’s not just the kids who are called to obey; we parents obey too. So do the policemen. So do our pastors. We’re ALL under authority.)

And oh! There truly are blessings in obedience. But the way of the sinner is HARD.

How I pray that I will remember these truths and live them out this day and every day! (I am so prone to selfishness, laziness, and defiance in my day-to-day living. Outwardly, I want to LOOK like I am obeying. But deep down, I just want what I want when I want it in the way that I want it. No wonder I can so easily relate to the struggles of small children. I am prone to tantrums and fits—even if I try to hide them!—too.)

Thank God for the Savior! And for grace to repent and believe (and obey).

Yours,
Tara B.

Sophie had two great analogies today as we drove around town, chatting away, and I thought you might enjoy them too ...

The first had to do with a conversation we had about financial stewardship and how I made a bunch of foolish decisions as a young person and got into terrible trouble with consumer credit and debt. It took years to pay off my debt! And I really regret the decisions I made that got me into that big mess.

In response to all of that, Sophie said:

"It’s like a trapdoor spider, Mom. Hiding there, just beneath the surface. You don’t see the danger, but it’s there. And it’s REALLY hard to get away from."

Now. I had no idea WHAT a trapdoor spider was, but it sounded right to me. And after I looked it up:



(Yeeeelchk!) And learned more about it, I thought: “Good analogy, Soph!”

The next one had to do with Q. 18 of the Shorter Catechism. As we are memorizing the answer (about “the sinfulness of the estate into which man fell”), we’re also talking about it (of course!) to try to really “get it”. It’s a complicated answer that goes into great detail on original sin (guilt of Adam, want of original righteousness, corruption of whole nature) AND talks about “the actual transgressions which proceed from it.”

Sophie explained all of that by saying:

"It’s like dirty water inside of a car. It’s supposed to run on gas. But instead, there’s dirty water. When Ella was still in your tummy, she still had that original sin even though it hadn’t poured out of her yet by screaming or hitting or whatever. But it was still there. Dirty. And then, one day, she would actually SAY or DO something. The car tries to run on the dirty water."

Yup. Good analogy, Soph. It sounds like you have a pretty good grasp of the ol' doctrine of sin. At least for a six year old.

Hope our little analogies give you a chuckle. I’m off to prep some goodies for our last day of school “Beach Day” next week (!!). Really hoping it doesn’t snow. Brrrrrrr ....

Blessings,
Tara B.

My gracious event host in Tennessee gave me many treasures this past weekend, but one that I am just beginning to open up and enjoy is this book by Andi Ashworth:

Real Love for Real Life: The Art and Work of Caring

(That’s the link to its Amazon page so that you can read all about it, but you’ll definitely want to buy it here from her husband (Charlie Peacock’s) online store to avoid the $38 Amazon price. Yowza! It’s $10 on his site.)

I’ve only gotten into the first couple of chapters, but already I’m thinking of many “unpaid caregivers” (her words) whose work is “fundamental to sustaining the human race” and “changes the shape of people and their worlds” and thus, is “important work.”

(Amen to that!)

But who may not always know “how to fully express what their vocation is because they’re not used to considering it as real, dignified work.”

Can you relate? Can your husband who is laboring to serve his ailing mother (or disabled son or the flock under his diaconal care)? Or your neighbor who takes care of other neighbors? The people who show up at every church wedding, funeral, prayer breakfast and just get to work organizing, serving, cleaning up? The mother changing the upteenth diaper ...

"... quietly and faithfully caring for one life at a time behind the scenes" (but sometimes tempted to) “wonder if anyone considers the work of their hands and heart to be of value.”

If you know any “extremely capable women who do an incredibly important job yet apologize for their existence” (a Christian once asked this author if she DID anything or if she was JUST a housewife); if you are keenly aware how devalued caregiving gifts and activities are in this society that judges everything by financial compensation and human acclaim; if you’d like to encourage someone in your life who realizes that “human needs are complex”, "love is passed through people, not businesses," and “Our God is a caring God; we care because we were made in His image” ... buy them this book.

It’s not angry or defensive. It is contemplative, rigorously thoughtful, and beautiful.

Yes, “creating beauty” and “relationships” have been emphasized and I’ve been a bit tempted to despair because of my weakness. But then she reminds us:

"When caregiving doesn’t come naturally, it’s not a time for self-condemnation but for learning, for leaning on God in the challenge."

So true. And comforting. Yet gently challenging.

I’m looking forward to working through the rest of this book and prayerfully, hopefully, growing as a caregiver in response. Hope it’s a blessing to you too.

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
As I read this book by this obviously wise and gracious woman, I remembered that I actually had a very strange personal encounter with her once; one that I’ve regretted many times.

It was in an elevator at Covenant Seminary. I had just finished speaking at a little Q&A “pizza lunch discussion” with the students and I walked onto an elevator that already held a man and a woman. The woman was friendly and greeted me and we chatted a bit. But when they introduced themselves, I got terribly embarrassed and flustered when I realized it was Charlie Peacock.

I’ve always thought, all these many years, that his wife probably assumed I was flustered because he was CHARLIE PEACOCK. And that somehow I probably communicated not as much respect or interest in HER because he was “FAMOUS.” But do you want to know that 100% truth? (I remember it as though it were yesterday.) I was actually flustered because I felt so stupid for not recognizing some “famous Christian.” It’s true. I don’t know the “famous people” so when I bump into them at a conference or in an elevator or wherever, I treat them just like I’d treat anyone else. But then they leave and someone says, “THAT WAS SO-AND-SO!” and I think, “I’m such a loser. I hope I didn’t offend them by not knowing who they were.”

Over the years, I’ve thought about even writing her a letter and trying to explain all of that—just so she’d know where my heart was. But I’m sure it wasn’t even a blip on her radar screen. Or if it was, that she has gently covered it over with grace. But hey! Mrs. Ashworth-Peacock? If a Google hit on your name or the name of your book leads you to this blog entry—please know that some 29 year old in an elevator at Covenant did NOT mean you and your calling disrespect. Just the opposite. I was enjoying visiting with you—I just thought I had disrespected you and your husband by not knowing who you were.

Anyway—thanks for this book. I’m reading it SLOWLY. And I rarely read books slowly.

As I’ve poked around things this morning, I’ve enjoyed clicking through a bunch of links from blogs I read re: the topic of family worship. These two were particularly helpful, I thought:

- If you’re just getting started, maybe feeling a little intimidated by the idea, or discouraged because you haven’t been able to maintain a family worship time: Three Main Steps to Starting Family Worship

- If you already have some semblance of a basic family worship, but are looking to take things a little more in-depth: Compilation of Resources for Family Worship

(That second one has already prompted me to do a little online book shopping this morning.)

Most of all? I encourage you to just jump in, even today, and take even one baby step towards developing this discipline in your family’s life. I remember when Pastor Alfred counseled us re: family devotions years ago—well before we had any children. He said something along the lines of:

"You are a Christian family. So every day, pray. Open up the Bible and read a little. Then talk about it. And pray again."

It sounded so simple when he said it. I remember we both thought, “We can do that.” And we did.

We’re still working to develop lots of other disciplines that we “should” have in our lives—disciplines that, I’m sure, many of you excel at. But I am grateful that every day, we open the Bible, discuss it, and pray. This is a tremendous evidence of God’s grace in our lives and I hope these links encourage and help you to do the same. Not for legalistic purposes. Not because you “should.” But because God is great and glorious! This is His world. He is beyond our comprehension, and yet He is our loving Heavenly Father; the Shepherd Who seeks His sheep.

It’s good to spend time saturating our minds in His truth—especially because most of our days we are bombarded by the opposite.

Happy Wednesday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

A little Momma Tara Math for you to kick off your Wednesday:

Complete-Crawl-Across-An-Entire-Room-MOBILITY + Lots-O'-Interesting-And-Some-Potentially-Dangerous-Things-To-Poke-Into = Time-For-Baby-To-Learn-The-(Good!)-Word-"NO"

(Yes, yes, I know I probably shouldn’t have even let her do this even just ONCE. But oh! It was SO CUTE to see her discover the bowls. Move the food bowl. Play with it. Discover the WATER bowl. (Her eyes LIT UP. She began to move so purposefully towards it. I ran for the camera.) A one time freebie because it was so entertaining for me AND to encourage her that there really is a super interesting and fun world “out there” for her to discover now that she is mobile. Hopefully it won’t warp her character too much. )

In all seriousness, though? I’m also reading and re-reading Randy Alcorn’s Grace and Truth Paradox and reminding myself that if Christ is not raised, my parenting is in vain, because OH MY STARS! But it is just WAY too easy to focus on behavior. Performance. To-Do’s. This is true in all of life, but especially when it comes to parenting our children.

I am really praying and seeking counsel and striving to discern what wisdom and love look like re: parenting.

- Is “letting this go” mercy? Grace? Or indulgence? Foolishness?

- Does my daughter need a discipline now? Or a hug? Maybe both?

- She is feeling the weight of her sin. How do I appropriately help her to understand the ramifications of sinful, selfish choices—while at the same time help guard her from utter despair? (I, too, am tempted to take my eyes off of the Cross when I feel overwhelmed by my “badness.” But Christ is raised! God is at work. Aslan is on the move.)

- What does it look like for me to encourage my children and comfort them with the great hope and assurance we have of Who God is? His redemptive work throughout all of history? His redemptive work in our family; in our lives?

Grace and truth. Truth and grace.

This is what I am praying for today!

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

Blessings on your Wednesday,
Tara B.

No hidden or edifying message to this video posted by Challies.com, it’s just fun:



(Especially if you were a video game fan in the late early 80’s like me. Yes. Truly. That’s what our video games looked like. These images are strangely comforting to me, actually. I find the current video games way to scary in their intensity and realism. Give me the (few, giant) pixels!)

Lili is happily, safely, EXPENSIVELY home. Oh! Our Golden is our luxury to be sure. And we do pray about that, believe you me. We don’t buy furniture or fancy clothes. But we love and enjoy our dog ...



And I am still rejoicing over, challenged by, and comforted through a profound conversation I had with Sophia Grace this past week. She initiated it and we talked for quite a long time about what it means to be a Christian, whether she was, in fact, a Believer because sometimes she has doubts, and sometimes she doesn’t think about God or even care about God very much.

What a privilege it was to comfort her that it’s OK to question and doubt—we ALL do it. “Even C.S. Lewis.” (SHE GASPED!) But he did have times of doubt, I assured her. We’ll read his essays on such things as she continues to grow.

And then I simply drew out from her so many of the truths she already knows, and didn’t make a big deal out of it when she hesitated. In fact, just the opposite. I encouraged her, “That’s perfectly OK, honey. I’m so happy you are being honest with me. You can always be honest with me and with God too! I’m happy you’re not just giving me the ”right" answer, but we can really talk with each other. I love you! Nothing will ever change my love for you. And nothing will ever change God’s love for you. I am believing in faith that His grace is towards you and you are His. And as you grow in grace, the Holy Spirit, Who lives in your heart, will confirm your belonging to Christ and you will have great joy in your hope and assurance of salvation. So don’t worry, dear. Take heart! You don’t have to be afraid!"

Our conversation went something like this:

- What a covenant is. ("A relationship that God establishes with us and guarantees by His Word.")

- Who makes the covenant? (God.) Who keeps the covenant? (God.)

- Whether she thought there even WAS a God. ("Oh, yes! Oh, FOR SURE! I KNOW there is a God.")

- What He is like. ("Good. Holy. Just. Compassionate. Merciful. Unchangeable. Powerful. Eternal. PERFECT.")

- What she is like. ("Created in God’s image. With a soul that will last forever. Good. But sinful.")

- What that sin is like. ("Some of it from Adam. Some of it from me.") What that sin deserves. ("The wrath and curse of God.")

- Whether she can clean up her sin and “be good enough.” ("No.") Does she want to pay the penalty her sin deserves? ("No.")

- So what hope is there for her? ("God making a way.") What is that way? ("Jesus.")

- Why Jesus? ("He is the Second Person of the Trinity. He lived a perfect life and never sinned. But He died a terrible death, the death of a criminal, because it was for ME. He took God’s wrath.")

- Have you put your faith in Jesus? ("Ummmmm. There is where I just don’t know. Because sometimes I’m just not very sorry for my sin. And I don’t really love Jesus very much. And I keep doing bad things and wouldn’t I be different if I were REALLY a Christian?")

Oh. My dear, dear child. It’s like I’m looking into a MIRROR when we have these conversations. I’m right there with you in the battle! Faith’s fight against sin. Faith versus unbelief. Satan, the world, our flesh—seeking to destroy. God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit forever winning the battle that has been won, once and for all.

We believe it’s true. We do! But then we look at the mess of our lives. ("Will I EVER get over THIS SIN?!") We are hurt. Lonely. Frustrated. We begin to be ensnared by the pleasures of this world. Eternity seems so fuzzy and surreal. Sometimes we’re just tired. Lazy.

We believe. But oh how we cry, “Help our unbelief!”

It was a great grace to remind my daughter, and thus, to remind myself that our relationship with God is not sustained by the strength of our obedience or even the strength of our faith—but simply, truly, completely by the One in Whom we put our faith. HE saves. HE redeems. HE justifies. HE forgives. HE adopts. And He IS sanctifying us—it’s just a bumpy ol' journey along the way.

(Especially for those of us who have passionate/artistic temperaments (like Sophie and me) and thus, are prone to “up and down” feelings. A lot. Feelings are important. Temperament and personality are important. We don’t just write them off. BUT. They do NOT control us. Our feelings are not usually an accurate barometer of reality. So we can feel our feelings, but then, by faith, we lay hold of truth. We lay hold of Truth and find He is already laying hold of us.)

This entire exchange with Sophia ended with her asking if we could listen to Rich Mullins' “Creed”. ("You know, Mom. That song that is the Apostle’s Creed?! The one that says WHAT WE BELIEVE?!") I did know. And that’s exactly what we did.

Off into our day now. We get to pick up Fred in just a few hours, Lord willing! Sophie has a series of surprises planned for him after we go and stuff bulletins at the church as a family.

Joy joy JOY to you!

Your friend,
Tara B.

Oh, we had a fun morning of schooling around here. (Using the term “schooling” in the rough sense of the word—really, just life.)

We three Barthel girls cuddled in bed in our pj’s, read our Bible, reviewed our catechism questions, sang a hymn (Ella LOVED that!), started a new book that we already adore and can’t wait to get back to (Little Daisy and the Swearing Class), continued on in Trial and Triumph (fascinating! I know SO little of church history), and laughed and gasped at our poetry reading from The Oxford Book of Children’s Verse.

I mention all of this because, yet again, so many of the things we read this morning “just happened” to fit together: our Proverb about a dishonest scale versus a just scale; a little girl ("Daisy") humbly but bravely influencing even a powerful general; our Book of Virtues story on work; even the fascinating peacemaking and authority issues faced by the early church (what to die for? what to compromise over? what are the limits of civil government? what does church discipline look like?).

What a privilege to process all of these things in conversation with my little love. (All while trying to keep my other little love from chewing on the books.) I am a blessed woman.

And I’m also a busy woman today as I continue to work on the schoolroom chaos. Time for some serious systems work! I have to say, I’m really glad that I’ve been easing into this raising o' kids thing one little step at a time because it’s HARD and I have no idea what I’m doing. (For example, apparently it’s April this week—although I hadn’t yet flipped my calendar in my office over from FEBRUARY—and I still think in the back of my head, “Must get organized for this school year.” Yeah. Right. OK. Or maybe ... let’s shoot for some improvement between now and NEXT fall.)

Oh, and I’ve also been meaning to encourage you to seek the wisdom and expertise of two great book providers—one of whom is a dear friend in real life here in Billings (Hi Sarah!) and the other I’ve really grown to appreciate in that internet-friend kind of way because we are just SO blessed by their resources.

The Family Book Spot

Grace and Truth Books

If you have questions or are looking for used and new materials? Contact the Family Book Spot! Sarah never tries to “get you” to buy anything. In fact, she was the first friend who encouraged me to SLOW DOWN and NOT buy a bunch of stuff when Soph was transitioning from toddler to preschooler. And this from a bookseller! But she really doesn’t focus on “selling”. She is first and foremost a GREAT RESOURCE and I encourage you to get to know her and benefit from her expertise. (Plus, she has free shipping! )

Happy Monday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Michael K. is preachin' it well on parenting over at Forward Progress:

Three Reasons Why Discipline is Harder Than Punishment

(HT: TakeYourVitaminZ)

If you’ve ever attended my standard women’s retreat, then you know that I usually mention in my opening session how I’m a women’s event skeptic
(As a regular speaker at women’s events, believe me, I’m keenly aware of the irony.)

But I have to say, the more I have the privilege of gathering with God’s women to learn from them, laugh with them, and just go through life with them? The less and less skeptical I am.

Take last night for example. Our church had a baby shower for a wonderful young woman and as usual, the ladies did a great job decorating, provided nummy treats, a fun game, thoughtful devotionals and prayers, etc. etc. It was “typical” and mundane, and yet holy all at the same time.

Why do I use the word holy? Because holy means lots of things (sacrosanct, set apart, inviolable), but one aspect of its definition also is, “a sacred place of pilgrimage.” And women’s events are GREAT for reminding us a) that we’re on a pilgrimage; b) that means we’re not alone (others are on that pilgrimage too); and c) this world is not our home.

Let me give you just a few examples from last night:

1. The mothers who gave the little devotions (who were FANTASTIC by the way! Christ-centered, “real,” humble, HYSTERICALLY FUNNY at times and thoughtful and “deep” at other times) were all mothers of ONLY BOYS (just like the mother who was being honored at the shower). Oh, friends! The lives of my friends with boys are just SO DIFFERENT from my life with two little girls. Not better or worse—just different. And it was so good to be reminded of these miraculous creationally-based differences in real life. Boys are boys and they are a blessing! But they are not girls.

Attending the shower last night was a great reminder of the vows I have taken for those covenant children. And hearing from those moms gave me another precious reminder of my commitment to encouraging them as they grow to be godly men—and a reminder that I need to purposefully train Sophie and Ellie to do the same. It’s not enough to “just” raise them to be biblical women. I must also be encouraging our young men in their journey to be biblical men.

2. To exist and grow and strengthen, real relationships must overlap in various and diverse situations over various and diverse time frames. That’s how we move people out of the “boxes” we’re so tempted to keep them in. ("Pastor is only a great theologian and a profound thinker. Nope. He also rocks out on the guitar and has a roaring sense of humor." “She’s the woman who always struggles with overeating and depression. Nope. She’s also the woman who will greet you with a kiss and give you the shirt off of her back if you have a need.”)

When we play a bib-and-onesie-based-game-of-"BINGO" at a baby shower (or cheer a softball team or run an errand for a friend who is home with a household of sick kids), we remember that we’re all on this pilgrimage called LIFE together. We’re just like each other in so many ways; and our differences enrich our lives. (The wealthy family has struggles and suffers. The poor family does too. The single woman values homemaking and is a genius with newborns. The nerdy guy does the best impersonations you’ve ever seen. That super quiet woman who never speaks up in a group? Hours FLY by in a BLINK in her kitchen because she is fascinating and brilliant and humble and wise.)

People are complex and interesting. And even we introverts are blessed, truly edified and blessed, when we get to spend time with them.

3. I simply cannot overstate how profoundly I was impacted by what one mother shared about some of the, ummm, challenges and lessons their family is facing as their children grow up out of the young, elementary ages and head toward young adulthood. Her wisdom regarding parenting is truly “wisdom from Heaven” to quote James 3:17 ("pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere"). I could listen to her speak for hours and I could tell you a hundred things she said, even though she only spoke for a few minutes. But I’ll just close with this one thing she mentioned, kind of as an “aside” comment (it wasn’t even one of her “main points”).

She talked about how she and her husband are encouraging their sons to not fret or worry when they make mistakes (or even fail entirely) in various areas of life. That failure is a part of life—we all fail at times. (For some of us? LOTS of times.) And we don’t have to be ashamed or hide or worry that people are standing back, pointing a finger, laughing at us, judging us, ridiculing us, "because that’s just not what family does."

Be it our moms and dads and brothers and sisters, or our spiritual family in the church, we are here for one another. We help one another. Pray, encourage, bless, serve, accept, protect one another. There is room for failure (we all fail!). We’ll be patient as you grow. We’re not going anywhere. You don’t have to get it right and have your act together. (None of us has our act together!) We’ll help you. We love you. We are your family.

Isn’t it obvious why I think I’m going to have to rewrite my standard retreat opening to call myself a “recovering women’s event skeptic”?

Thank God for the local church. (And thanks, ladies, for yet another wonderful baby shower!)

Blessings to you and yours—

In Christ,
Tara B.

Thanks, Challies.com for this link:

I Don’t Want My Children to be Happy

(I haven’t emailed him the link, but based on 17 years of knowing him—15 years married this August!!—I am confident in saying that Fred and I both agree with what this mom wrote to her own kids. Oh, for faith and obedience to live this life in such a way that it is always abundantly clear that this world is not our home! This is my prayer and my prayer for Sophie and Ellie too. May God help us to be content in Christ alone. Amen and Amen.)

Just discovered a great blog written by the father of a special needs child:

Wrestling with an Angel

In addition to our other readings, Sophia and I spend a little time each morning working through books in the “Character Building Christian Books for Children” series from Grace and Truth Books.

Yesterday, we finished:

Grace Raymond: Evil and Cure of a Passionate Temper

And I was particularly blessed, not only by our conversations about how a just God could forgive wretched sinners, and about when it is appropriate to partake of the Lord’s Supper (it’s one thing to memorize the catechism question and answer—it’s another thing to really process through it and think deeply about it, as this story helped us to do) ... but I was especially blessed when Sophie spontaneously said to me, "I just LOVE this book!"

Mmmmmm! Happy words to a Momma’s ears. Especially when you consider that these books were actually written in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries and they retain their original language and sentence structure.

Initially, just as I felt when I started reading poetry every day from The Oxford Book of Children’s Verse, I wondered if she would be able to understand this “old” language. But just like poetry, these stories have provided great opportunities for us to reflect on and talk deeply about many varied topics. And they are wonderful little “windows” into the hearts and lives of people throughout history—they struggled with the same sins we struggle with and their only hope (just like us!) is the gospel.

Reading poetry and “old books” has also helped us to remember that our lives are just a few decades in the scope of all of history—and that our Real Home is in Heaven to come. Plus, it’s really FUN.

One caveat I need to mention is that sometimes I “tweak” the content a bit to tighten up the theology / help make the gospel even more clear. And I must admit that I was a little reticent to try the books due to some endorsers (who raise yellow if not red flags for me). But I’m very glad to be working through them with Soph and I wanted to be sure to mention them to you.

Tomorrow we’re going to start Roses and Thorns. I’m looking forward to it.

Happy Tuesday to you!
– Tara B.

PS
If the title of this post immediately reminded you of what C.S. Lewis said in his Introduction to Athanasius On the Incarnation, Pastor Jollyblogger provides a great reminder/excerpt here.

We are gently beginning to introduce the word “no” to our sweet six month-old Ella.

Her most consistent “temptation” actually cracks Sophie and I up, so we’re going to have to work on keeping a stern countenance as we help her to understand that books are for reading, not for eating:



Ahhhhh, babies. What a huge amount of work—and a huge amount of worth it.

Thanks, TulipGirl, for this great Luther quote on restoring gently:

What does “restoring gently” look like? Luther explains, “when they see that those persons are sorrowful for their offenses, they should begin to raise them up again, to comfort them, and to mitigate their faults as much as they can—yet through mercy only, which they must set against sin, lest those who have fallen are swallowed up with depression.” And “. . .gently, and not in the zeal of severe justice.”

I read this when you first posted it back in January, and while I still have a LONG way to go in being more gentle, I must admit that it has helped me.

In particular, I am prayerfully striving to be faster at, more sincere about, giving people a break by graciously covering over their offenses.

As one example ...

The other day, Sophie replied to me in a very snippy and snide way. It surprised me and I truly didn’t know why she had done it. (There was no obvious temptation or presenting issue like me having just been a jerk to her or her being tired, etc.)

Of course I asked her about it. Our conversation went something like this:

"Whoa. Hon? What just happened?"

“I was disrespectful to you.”

“Yes, you were. Do you know WHY you were disrespectful, honey? Can you help me to understand what is going on in your heart?”

“Well. Mom? Do you ever do something or say something and even the MOMENT you do it, you wish you hadn’t?”

“Sure. I can relate to that. Is that what happened here?”

“Yes. And I’m sorry.”

“OK. No problem. Let’s just let it go.”

And we did.

“Love covers over a multitude of sins.” "Love is not easily provoked." “Be merciful just as your Heavenly Father is merciful.”

This is my prayer. Oh! This is my prayer.

Blessed Sunday to you—

Yours,
Tara B.

A couple of days ago, Sophie and I had an exchange that was convicting and informative (and a little funny in retrospect too). It went something like this:

"Soph? I’m going to take Ella upstairs now and try to help her get to sleep for her nap."

“OK, Mom.” (Her words said, “OK,” but her tone said, “I’m not happy.”)

“Soph? Is something wrong? You seem to be saying, ”OK," but then you seem mad about it."

“Well ... I thought you said we were going to watch that video together?”

(She was right. I had said that. I had just forgotten.)

“Yes, that’s true. OK. Let’s go watch the video and I’ll hold Ella downstairs.” (My words said, “OK,” but my tone said, “I’m not happy.”)

“Mom? Is something wrong? You seem to be saying, ”OK," but then you seem mad about it."

Hmmmmm. Really? Wonder where she learns this stuff from?

(!!)

So all of this led into a productive conversation about our hearts / James 4 / desires elevated to demands / monster wants, etc. It also gave us a great opportunity to learn to communicate better.

(Oh, how I pray that our lines of communication will remain open and honest as she continues to grow!)

Back into our strange Saturday now ... strange because now Ella is really sick. So I held her until around 2AM and then Fred held her the rest of the night, poor love. So in addition to not feeling well ourselves, we are really tired and “off” from sleeplessness.

Good thing another snowstorm is blanketing us in. No place to go!

Blessings to you and yours,
Tara B.

I was so happy when we finished our 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle earlier today. Doing so felt like we really wrapped up our fun, vacation, holiday time and set us on a good course to get back into the groove of real life come Monday morning.

As we plowed through the (terribly difficult! practically identical! tempted us to give up!) final tree branch pieces (the pieces, by the way, that I saw swimming through my mind’s eye as I tried to go to sleep), I thought to myself, "WHY do we do puzzles?!" I mean, there’s no practical gain to completing a puzzle. We complete it and then we tear it down.

So why do we do puzzles?

These are the answers I came up with:

- Puzzles are fun. It’s very satisfying to persevere and make progress and (finally!) put those last few pieces in place.

- Puzzles are hard. We always say, “Anything worth doing takes effort.” And puzzles take effort. When you look at those 1,000 tiny pieces and think about steadily moving toward completion, it really seems like an impossible task. So it’s all the more satisfying to actually reach the goal.

- We get to talk and interact and work as a team when we do puzzles. It’s really great to have something that takes a little bit of effort and focus AND allows for conversation, breaks whenever you’d like, AND that satisfying cheer of, “Great job!” when someone puts together an area that only a few hours earlier seemed like it would never come together.

- You get to ORGANIZE when you do puzzles. Mmmmmm. That’s my job and I love it. It’s FUN to go through the pieces and find all of the edges; and then to pick out the first identifiable areas to tackle and find those pieces (the fence, the hopscotch and sidewalk, the windows). I like figuring out the categories that help and then sorting by “only blue on the tip” and “only brown on the tip” and “pure green”.

- In order to do difficult puzzles, you have to be able to search out and identify tiny, minuscule differences; but you also have keep the WHOLE in mind too. Puzzles are great for careful observation (color, size, pattern) and for learning how to communicate what you see. (If you would like people to search in their area for a certain piece, you have to be able to describe it: “Standard shape, solid brown on one arm, opposite arm probably has leaves. Legs are skinnier than usual.”)

- Puzzles encourage perseverance because if it’s a puzzle worth its salt, you’re going to feel like giving up at some point. But that’s when you have to buckle down and push through! And it’s a great thing to learn to persevere as a family.

- You get to listen to great music while you do puzzles and sing along to lots of musicals too.

I suppose I could try to come up with other reasons, too. But those are the ones that come quickly to mind.

Thanks for letting me process this with you. I was thinking about it, too, because Sophie discovered a video game on her Ipod and enjoyed it (with Fred’s permission) for a few days before I realized what was going on. (I was pretty out of it on surgery day and post-op-plus-one-day). Once I realized that she was becoming quickly hooked on a video game, I had a quick chat with Fred to remind him about some of my concerns—which he agreed with once he remembered our earlier conversations about video games.

(Like me, Sophie has an incredibly “addictive”—passionate, compulsive, intensely focused—personality and mind. And we just think that at her young age, it’s best to limit “screen time” in any format and then gradually introduce things to her over time as she grows up. We’d just much rather have her enjoying those special “Wii” moments as special treats at Aunt Kali and Uncle Fred’s, but have normal life be mostly in the “real world” of actually manipulating real objects in real space. At least for now, anyway, that’s what we’re thinking.)

So that’s pretty much the scoop on the Barthels and puzzles.

Hope you have a blessed week!

Yours,
Tara B.

Our family’s use of hypotheticals in parenting stepped up a notch this week when one night, Sophie and I were cuddling in bed and I came up with this scenario:

"Soph, hypothetically, if you and Ella were older, say, she was 7 and you were 12, and you were lying there in the dark in your big-girl beds, and you SAW her turn her Ipod on and start listening to it even though you KNEW that she had lost the privilege of using her Ipod earlier in the day due to a discipline situation. What would you do?"

I was really curious as to how she would respond—and I have to say, it was a truly insightful (and delightful) window into my daughter’s heart as I heard her counsel her younger sister.

I didn’t take any notes on her reply, so this is all just from memory, but I think her counsel went something like this. (With me playing the part of Ella responding to her.)

"Ella. What are you doing?"
“Nothing.”

“Are you playing with your Ipod?”
“Yeah.”

“Didn’t your Ipod go into Toy Prison today? Aren’t you not allowed to listen to it for one week?”
“I guess. But mom and dad are downstairs. They won’t even know.”

“Ella. I love you. And I will always love you. But what you are doing is wrong and I bet you know it’s wrong too. Isn’t that why you’re hiding right now? Ella, what commandment are you breaking when you disobey mom and dad like this? And what commandment are you breaking when you lie about it too?”
(Discussion of commandments.)

“Ella, God is calling you to turn away from your sin.”
“I don’t want to get in trouble.”

“All discipline is hard! But it’s better to confess and just get the discipline OVER with! And then you can move on with a clean heart and a fresh start. God says that He is faithful and just and will forgive you. And mom and dad will always forgive you too.”
“I’m scared. Mom and dad are going to be really mad. Maybe I can just sneak it back into their room/Toy Prison and they won’t even know.”

“You could do that, Ella. But you would STILL need to confess to them so that your relationship would be reconciled. PLUS, if you DON’T confess to them, then you are really setting a PATTERN for your life; you’re going to be training your HEART to think you can lie and get away with it. And do you want to grow up to be a woman who is a liar? Who can’t be trusted? Don’t you want to go SCUBA diving one day? SCUBA divers have to be trustworthy or else it’s not safe for your dive buddy. Which do you want to grow up to be—a liar or someone who tells the truth?”
“I guess, the truth. But does this one little thing really matter that much?”

“Ella, this tiny little decision you’re making now is putting you on a path—either of righteousness or of sin; life or death. Choose life! I’ll help you, if you’d like. We can go downstairs and talk it through with mom and dad right now.”
“Oh. OK. I guess that’s what we should do.”

Then Sophie wanted me to play out the entire hypothetical of going downstairs and talking with Fred and me, having a discipline, being reconciled, etc. It was great.

I am really looking forward to more hypotheticals involving two girls talking in the dark, processing life through the grid of the gospel. I love getting to know Sophia this way. And I’m just so grateful that when she thinks about God and she thinks about her sin, she quickly brings to mind this truth:

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Blessings to you and yours—
Tara B.

Sophia has coped with this trying week of illness in many different ways.

For the first few days, she mostly slept. But then she worked up to being held and occasionally read to, but her preference was for me to MAKE UP stories (which I am always happy to do). I had a pretty fun and extended one going for a while about the teeny tiny world INSIDE of Lilikoi’s (blue) SQUEAKY DOG TOY and how we could all enter it through a complex procedure involving blue paint, blue hair color, and blue fingernail polish ("but not for Dad").

(Interesting conversations happen with small children when you’re curled around them in the wee hours of the night.)

For the last day and a half, she has shifted how she’s getting through feeling so terrible to something that Fred and I find, well, sweet on some levels and a tiny bit funny / strange on others: she has watched the movie, “Up” over and over (and OVER!) again. On her Ipod.

I’m assuming it’s obvious why this is sweet to us. (If you’re not familiar with this wonderful movie, I encourage you to get to know it. It’s remarkable and delightful.)

But what has made it funny / strange to us is the fact that one of Fred’s brothers is actually good friends with the creator of “Up,” so their families spent (I believe) Christmas Day or Eve or something together. (Fred and I chuckle at that fact because we think it’s kind of cool that this man’s creative genius is blessing our daughter so much WHILE our niece and nephew and brother and sister are hanging with him in real time.)

(BTW – If you have never read the TRUE story about Pixar / “UP” / and a little girl’s dying wish, you might want to click through and check it out.)

We have also chuckled at her watching and re-watching of this movie ON HER IPOD because the screen is, what?, 2 inches by 3 inches in size? I mean, we only have a tiny, old television from like grad school days—but the screen is at least a foot and a half or so, right? And we’ve offered her a portable DVD player (so she could stay prone/in bed.) And both of our laptops. But NO ... the novelty of watching the one movie she owns on her Ipod ON her Ipod is what is so fun to her.

(That, and the fact that our “big” gift to her this year was the world’s BEST INEXPENSIVE Ipod docking station — the sound quality is amazing and we’ve been so glad to have it when she’s so sick because, as she says, “It hurts to lie down on earphones.”)

(Oh! Too funny. She JUST came downstairs and joined me in these early hours and asked if she could, PLEASE, watch “Up” again. She didn’t want to wake up Ella, so we moved her docking station to the living room table where she is sitting upright (hooray!) and sipping water. We’ll see if she can keep it down without more antiemetics today.)



So why did I title this post, “Just Like Grandma K”? Because during one of the showings during our little “Up” marathon, Sophie said to me, "Mr. Fredrickson caring for Russell is just like Grandma K caring for me."

“Grandma K” is a very special woman in our church who has a full and rich life and wonderful family of her own—but who has given of herself simply to love on / help / encourage / invest in / “spiritually mother” / mentor (pick your term) our family. And in particular, Sophia.

Of all of the graces in our year, the advent of Grandma K into our lives has been one of the most precious. I just can’t express to you how much it means to me when a godly woman takes time to simply enjoy and be with my daughter! Miss Laura did this for us this year too and oh! It was just so sweet to us.

It’s really true that we are not meant to be alone. I pray that our family will always be reaching out and serving others, too. “Just like Grandma K.”

Off to pre-op in a little while. We’ll see if I can sneak through with this fever.

Happy Monday to you—

Yours,
Tara B.

Fred and I have been quite stumped lately with a parenting issue related to Sophia. I won’t go into the details with you right now, but suffice it to say, we have all been extremely frustrated and tempted to despair.

(BTW—If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, or you happen to know him in real life, then you know that it is VERY hard to frustrate Fred this much. In general, he’s just way too even-tempered. But yes, he’s been THAT upset.)

As I’ve wrestled with the entire situation (in my thoughts, in prayer, in conversations with Fred), a whole bunch of “good theology” keeps coming quickly to my mind. (By “good theology” I mean theology that is God-centered, biblically-faithful, and proclaiming of the gospel in such a way that we are drawn to worship Jesus and be more conformed into His image.)

- I know that outward behavior, words, and even attitudes are just an overflow of the heart.

- Matters of the heart are always matters of worship.

- My brain is FULL of boatloads of Scripture passages, sermon illustrations, and teachings on idols of the heart, wrong worship, right worship, etc.

But still. We are STUCK.

I’d laugh at just how obvious our problem is (“head knowledge / confessional theology does not automatically translate into application / practical theology — in fact, it RARELY does without a battle") … except that this is really, really, REALLY hard for our family.

We are all struggling. We feel trapped. There is no easy way out. We are tempted to run away (physically / emotionally). We don’t feel like working hard and engaging in the battle. “Smoothing it over” (peace-FAKING!) sounds like such a nicer way to go, at least temporarily.

But then … but then …

Grace breaks through and oh! I am so grateful. For me, it has come slowly, over the last few days, as I have remembered a series of temptations and situations from my own life:

- One time I was caught in behaviors that were hurting and frustrating to others. (Sound familiar?) A couple of well-meaning, godly people “buckled down” to “help me to change.” I really appreciated their help on one level, but it sure felt one-sided (because it was). They were on the pedestal and I was clearly in the pit. Sure, it helped. But mostly? I just felt judged and condemned.

- Another time I blew it. Again. And I reached out to a real spiritual father to me. In the past, he had been gracious, but direct and helpful to me in his counsel. This time? All he said was something to the effect of, “Well, Tara, you keep having this problem. You sure need to change.” I just can’t express to you how hopeless and unloved I felt in that moment. I knew I had to change! I hated the way I was! But I just didn’t know HOW to change. And boy did it feel like there would never (never!) be a place for me in the world.

- Life went on and, again, I was struggling with sin and unbelief. This time, a group of women came alongside of me and said, “We are just like you. We struggle. Sometimes we fail. And sometimes we remember how great and glorious God is and we DON’T give in to temptation. Let’s walk this path of life together. You are not alone. Jesus loves you. We love you. God gives us everything we need for life and godliness through His Son. You’re going to be OK, Tara.”

- Another season, another temptation. This time, I reached out to my pastor. “How can I even be a Christian?!” I cried out in my despair. And oh! How he comforted me by reminding me Who God is and who I am in Christ (already!) and who I am becoming in Christ (by GOD’S good work of sanctification). He did not make light of my temptation or my sin. But he also did not drown me with the weight of law / mere behavioral change / holding back of relationship UNTIL I got my act together.

All of these examples (and more!) kept rushing through my mind as I prayed and thought through our current parenting struggles. How was I merely “buckling down” in helping Sophie to change? How was I forgetting to encourage her that I love her and I would HELP HER to change? What would it look like for me to walk alongside of her in this journey of life—yes, leading her as her mother. But also befriending her as a sister in Christ?

And oh! Just how quick was I to run to the LAW as I interacted with her? To deal with all of the things that have to CHANGE rather than dwelling on the GOSPEL — all of the things that Jesus HAS ALREADY CHANGED because of His incarnation, perfect life, substitutionary death, and glorious resurrection?

This is my prayer today: That I will bring the gospel to my eldest daughter in real and tangible ways. I am begging God for grace, faith, and obedience FOR ME so that I will remember Him and “live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

May God help me. Especially since I slept only off and on since late last night and not at all since 3AM. Exhaustion does not tend to bring out much godliness in me.

Only by His grace!

Your friend,
Tara B.

Last night, after Fred read us our (edited version of) Jotham’s Journey: A Storybook for Advent (our family edits a few of the scenes because they are too intense for our five year-old Sophia), Sophie said a fun and interesting comment that I thought you might enjoy. It went something like this:

"When I get to Heaven, I can’t wait to ask God some questions."

“Like what?” Fred and I asked.

“Well ... my first question would be, ‘How are You Three in One, God?’”

“And my second question would be, ‘How did You resist before the world?’”

(We helped her with the one word ... “Do you mean, exist, dear?”)

“Yes. Yes. How did God exist before there was anything else?”

To which Fred and I both replied, “We hope we’re there with you when He responds (and not off chatting with Abraham or something) because Wow! Those are two great mysteries that WE would love to understand one day too.”

Ahhhhhh—theology for five year-olds and forty year-olds. Gotta love it.

Hope your night was an interesting and fun one, too.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

PS
Last night was also the first time that Fred and Sophie really “jammed” with Fred on guitar and Sophie on violin, just playing away, changing keys, song after song, whatever they felt like. Singing too (Fred) and tapping her foot too (Sophie) and Ella and I just taking in the show. It sure was a lovely way to pass an evening.

Something really wonderful happened to Sophie yesterday. It was a great joy and a great honor—and I’m ashamed to admit that my FIRST inclination was to counsel her about not being proud, keeping a humble heart, etc. etc.

This shames me because, of course, what I needed to do instead (and by God’s grace what I DID do by the time she got home!) was REJOICE WITH HER.

Yes, beforehand, we had talked and prayed about having a humble and modest heart and response IF this great thing happened to her. And yes, it is our duty to continue to pray about and work on responding to life’s encouragements and celebrations with thankful, grateful, humble hearts.

But in that first moment when my five year-old daughter walked in the door with that smile of, “Mom! Mom! Guess what?! HOORAY!”? Well, I’m just so grateful that the Lord used a good friend of mine to TALK with me and PREPARE me to respond with:

- JOY! Celebration! Hooray hooray hooray!

- POSTERS! All around the house. Inside and out. CONGRATULATIONS SOPHIE! YIPPPEEE!

- AFFIRMATION! We’re so proud of you. You use what God has entrusted to you for His glory and to serve your neighbor. WELL DONE. Good job! We love you!

Oh, how close I came to me blowing it with some sort of, “Great job—BUT DON’T BE PROUD” response in that initial moment.

(I could tell you story after story of that being my personal experience in life. “Oh. You got that great clerkship at that great law firm. Good job. BUT DON’T GET A BIG HEAD.” "A $20,000 music scholarship? Nice. BUT THAT’S NOT GOING TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING." “First place at such a big speech meet you get to go to sectionals for state? Congratulations. YOU’RE REALLY GOING TO HAVE TO WORK HARD NOW.” etc. etc.)

I just can’t BELIEVE how close I came to being that kind of a parent! By the skin of my chinny-chin-chin of stupidity. I almost blew it.

Thanks, Grandma K, for talking me through it all. Helping me to help her to REJOICE and ENJOY with a grateful heart in that happy moment. Trusting that there will be lots of disappointments in life and probably more successes, too ... lots of opportunities to counsel and instruct.

But last night was made for CELEBRATION. And so we did.

Off into our day now—
So much to do, I’m tempted to be paralyzed and do none of it.
Hopefully I’ll be diligent and make even a tiny bit of progress.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

I can’t go into the details, but today was a challenging day parenting-wise. Lots of long, hard conversations. Many tears. Much struggle.

But also? MUCH LOVE.

All day long, whenever these difficult parenting moments arose, I just kept on coming back, again and again, to the fact that God loves my daughter and I love my daughter and NOTHING (nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing!) could ever and will ever change that. Ever.

Temptations and trials? Failures and sin? Doubts, fears, worries, and dread? They are NO MATCH FOR LOVE.

Love covers over our sins. It really does! For the Bible tells me so ...

" ... love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

And at the close of this very long, very hard day?

When my eldest child snuggled tightly against me under the covers and we lay there all wrapped up together?

And she said, "Mom? You are my very best buddy"?

Well, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that the kind of love that covers over a multitude of sins is pure grace. It really is.

G'nite all and God bless,
Tara B.

Sophie and I had a long conversation this morning about the differences between life in a fallen world as a fallen human being and intentional sin.

It was prompted by a pattern I’m seeing develop in her heart and behavior: After being given an instruction or correction, she is over-reacting and responding with very strong emotions that often manifest themselves as anger. She tries to hold it in and stuff it down, but we both know it’s there.

Thankfully, I’ve been blessed by such wonderful books as Uprooting Anger, The Heart of Anger, and Don’t Make Me Count to Three, so I knew that her angry responses were just the presenting issues—the proverbial tip of the iceberg as it were.

The real issue (as always) was a heart issue. And the only hope we ever have for heart issues must begin and end with the gospel.

Thankfully, Ella was in the mood to just play quietly between us on the bed, because we spent a good hour talking, crying, praying, and reading Scripture together. I don’t think I can remember everything we discussed, but here are a few of the highlights:

1. We used the example (hypothetical) of walking down the sidewalk, tripping, and hurting someone else.

- In the first example, I was walking carefully and paying attention—but I still tripped and hurt Sophie’s leg badly. How should I respond? Should I apologize and try to help her feel better? Yes. Should I beat myself up and say, “I’m such a horrible person!”, and have the rest of our day ruined by my mistake? No. I should give myself grace because, although I feel very sad that I hurt Sophie, it was completely unintentional. It was simply life in a fallen world. A mistake. And grace covers not only our sins but our mistakes too.

- In the next example, I was carrying a bunch of boxes while I walked down the sidewalk and Fred had just given me some wise counsel to be careful and possibly consider not carrying so many boxes all at once because I could trip and hurt myself or hurt someone else. He hadn’t commanded me, but he did instruct me and if I had been wise and listened to him, I could have avoided hurting Sophie. But I didn’t.

In that situation, my culpability is higher because I made an intentionally foolish decision and as a result, I accidentally hurt Sophie. It was still an accident, sure. But I could have avoided it if I had listened to counsel. So I need to ask Sophie to forgive me and strive to grow in wisdom by learning from my mistake.

- But in the final example, I was driving my car 70 miles per hour in a 55 mph zone. I knew the law and I intentionally disobeyed it. And then I caused an accident that hurt someone.

- Whoa! Now we’re in an entirely different realm, aren’t we? Because I sinned. I didn’t do what I was supposed to do. I need to confess to God and to others. I am called to repent and change.

(Then we had a little side lesson on the doctrine of sin—especially what “lack of conformity” means. It involved playdoh and a bouncy ball and how the playdoh CONFORMED to the bouncy ball, etc.)

2. And what is the first step of repenting? Sophie said, “Feeling bad about your sin.” So, of course, I had to correct her.

No. The first part of repenting is not feeling bad about your sin. The first step of repentance is to remember. What do we remember? Who GOD is and who WE are in Christ.

This was quite a telling point in our conversation because when I said, “Sophie, we must remember who we REALLY are. Who are we? How would you complete this sentence: ‘I am ...’”? Sophie said, “A sinner.”

!!OUCH!! My momma heart cringed. Oh! How I do NOT want that to be the first thing Sophie thinks. So I said, "Yes, Sophie, you are a sinner. But MORE importantly, what are you? You are LOVED. Chosen. Holy. Dearly, dearly loved.

3. This led into an entire conversation about just HOW MUCH she is loved, especially when she is sinning. That when she is caught in sin, God’s love for her and my love for her do not change, waver, or stop. In fact, our love compels us to draw even CLOSER to her, to help her, to rescue her because we love her so much.

The example I used for this was picturing the three of us (Sophia, Ella, and me) at a park when Ella is JUST starting to walk as a little toddler. I asked Sophie what she would do if Ella ignored my instruction to stay away from the high playground equipment and suddenly found her little toddler self WAY up high on the very, very edge of the play area. Would Sophie say, “You are a TERRIBLE little girl, Ella! You should be ashamed of yourself. Momma said not to do that and you did it anyway and now you could be REALLY hurt. You are SO bad! You’d better start being good and THEN I’ll love you again.”

Sophie said, “Of course not! I would RUN to her and snatch her back from the edge and comfort her and hold her. But, yes, when I knew she was safe, I would tell her not to do that again. And I would take her to you because she probably would need a painful consequence so she would really learn her lesson and be safe in the future.”

“Would you stop loving her when she was bad?” I asked.
“No!” Sophie replied.

“Would you want Ella to spend the rest of our day at the park hiding her face, crying, and saying what a terrible little girl she is?” I wondered.
“Of course not!” Sophie said.

"Sophie, it’s the same thing for YOU," I explained. "When you are caught in sin, you are putting yourself in DANGER. And since it’s my duty to help keep you safe and train you to see that the way of the sinner is HARD, but there are blessings in obedience, I do discipline and instruct you. But I do so BECAUSE I love you. It is my love that COMPELS me to rescue you. I don’t stop loving you, step back, and wait for you to get your act together. I run after you, just like you ran after Ella.

Then we read some Scriptures that affirmed all of these truths and we were just in the middle of praying when Fred came and joined us.

Oh! What a wise husband I have. I’ll close this blog post with his counsel to Sophie ...

After hearing about all that happened in our morning and the various lessons we were discussing, he also encouraged Sophie to remember that God has apparently made her heart with passionate, strong emotions. She feels passionately happy and passionately sad. This is great for making music and creating all sorts of interesting things in life (poetry, writing, art)—but it also means that she needs to remember her tendency will be to feel things very, very strongly. So she needs to guard against that and be wise, especially when she’s prone to feel overly sad and self-condemning.

(What a good reminder and lesson for me too!)

There is grace for our personalities, our frailties, weaknesses, mistakes—and yes, for our sin too. We can be forgiven because God is a forgiving, gracious God.

Blessings on your day!
– Tara B.

Late last night I wrote about Sophie forgiving me (again) and how grateful I was that our hearts could be knit back together through the wonder of forgiveness. But I have to tell you the truth that deep down, inside of MY heart, even after we were reconciled, I was still struggling with feeling guilty and “bad” over my failures as a mother.

I really wondered how (and if!) she could ever really love me when I have so many areas of weakness and ugliness as a parent.

But then we headed into our evening family time and God gave me a huge gift through my hysterically fun, quick to honestly forgive, loving and sweet little girl. This is what happened ...

Apparently, when I was upstairs nursing Ella, Sophie decided to create and entire CONCERT for our listening pleasure. She found all sorts of tubs and containers (so that her pounding would have different tonalities). She created a sign for the concert hall ("no drenking, no food, no radeyo, make shur your sel fones are off") and a table of contents for the performance:



Then I got to be the “spotlight girl” (with a flashlight) and we were blessed with a stellar performance that began with this song:

"Oh Mama! Oh Mama!
You dear sweet dear.

Oh Mama! Oh Mama!
You dear sweet dear.

You were not here ...
But now you are here.

Oh Mama! Oh Mama!
You dear sweet dear."

It’s much better with the singing, as I’m sure you might imagine. But oh! What a grace it was to my tempted-to-be-too-hard-on-myself little ol' Momma heart.

(She then went on to the songs “lolly pop lolly pop oh lolly lolly pop / Lili pup Lili pup oh Lili Lili pup” and “The Little Bear Who Went Into the Woods”, which had a very intense middle section with the cymbals taking the lead “because the hunters were talking intensely about whether they should TAKE the little baby bear or LEAVE the little baby bear”. We had an intermission (listed as a “6 minit brake”) and closed out the concert with the world-famous “little duk in its tuc” and “10 litl monkes on the bed”.)



(The crowd went wild.)

And then, just for fun, we all crowded on our bed for a late-night game of “I Spy.”



Mmmmmmmmmmm ... what a great night.

Hope yours was blessed too! And that your weekend is restful and enjoyable—

Happily,
Tara B.

PS
Just in case your curious, it takes 60 years to grow a tree and less than one afternoon to take it completely away.



PPS
We don’t know if we’ll actually GO to our Reformation Party next week because the seasonal flus and H1N1 are ravaging Billings (including our church). But if we do, we’re taking two mermaids with us ...

Whenever I teach on idols of the heart, I encourage people to get help to identify the things that they are tempted to make into idols (ruling lusts / habitual sins). And when people are parents, I encourage them to get help from their children to identify their idols because our kids know what REALLY ticks us off. (Thus, they can be very helpful when we’re trying to identify our idols.)

Sophia gave me a GREAT example of this in our playtime this morning when she came into the room with a new game she had invented. It has a game board, score sheet, different levels, and prizes. The way you advance to the next level is by answering questions. My questions went something like this (no kidding—these are the questions Sophie asked me, in the order she asked me them):

- “Mom. If you were serving at an event and it was the end of the event so you were really tired and hungry. And ONE woman came up to you and wanted to know more about Jesus, and ANOTHER woman came up to you and said, ‘Give Tara a break.’ Which woman would you talk with?”

- “What if you were on an airplane and someone behind you was making a lot of noise and you wanted to REST. Would you ask them to stop making noise? Or would you just find something else to do until they were quiet and THEN rest?”

- “What if you were PETER in Narnia and you were really angry with Edmund. Would you say, ”Shut up!" Or would you use gentle and polite words?"

(Can you believe it?! Oh my STARS but this kid really knows me, doesn’t she? In mere minutes, her questions revealed the desires that I am so tempted to elevate to sinful demands: the idols that so often rule my heart and control my attitude, actions, and words.)

I enjoyed playing the game a lot—it gave us some great opportunities to discuss wisdom vs. folly, righteousness vs. sin, etc. And in many ways, it was just another example of how we use HYPOTHETICALS to help us with parenting.

But my FAVORITE part of the game was how, with the last question, when I honestly said that I would HOPE to use “gentle and polite” words and NOT say something ugly like, “Shut up,” the truth was that, especially when I’m tired and REALLY angry, I sometimes use inappropriate / sinful words. This is how Sophie responded:

"Oh, Mom! Don’t worry! Here’s the great part of this game ... if you don’t get something right the first time, you get to try again and again and again and AGAIN."

“You mean, it’s a GRACIOUS game, Sophia?” I asked. “There’s a lot of GRACE?”

“Yes! Absolutely! The game doesn’t ever give up on you, just like I never give up on you.”

Now THAT’S the kind of game I like. And need.

Oh, and there was one question in the game that led to a particularly encouraging discussion for me. It went something like this:

"Mom. What if I didn’t immediately and cheerfully do something you asked me to do. Would you raise your voice to me? Or would you take me downstairs and give me a painful consequence?"

I asked, “So ... giving you a painful consequence is the RIGHT thing to do?”

“Yes!” Sophie replied. “Because if you just raise your voice to me, I would probably keep doing that every time. So then YOU would be sinning because you would be encouraging ME to keep sinning. But if you discipline me, you would help me to stop.”

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ... what a good reminder. And what an encouragement too.

Oh, how I love being the mother of these two precious girls! (Even though, yes, absolutely ... they are my PRIME idol-revealers.)



Grace to you!

Love,
Tara B.

(Please bear with the gaps in this story and the lack of some details. I only have permission from Sophia to share a portion of our day with you. And I always honor her requests re: what we share and what stays private.)

Today I was just about as frustrated and angry and sad as I have ever been as a parent.

I’m sure the situation was compounded by my deep, on-the-edge-of-tears exhaustion and the post-baby-post-surgeries hormone re-set my body is facing. But mostly, it was just a normal, frustrating day of “one big sinner helping one little sinner” (Dan Doriani’s definition of parenthood).

As I went to talk with Sophia at the end of the day, she said something to me with so much conviction and passion that I knew she really meant it:

"Mom? I’m so sorry. Tomorrow I PROMISE I’ll be a better little kid."

Oh, friends! Can I just tell you how the room SPUN in that moment when I looked into the tear-stained eyes of my sweet little girl and saw so clearly MY OWN (earnest but flawed!) response to my sin?

What a lie!
What a trap!
What a counsel of despair.

To tell ourselves, “Tomorrow I’ll do better!” "Tomorrow I’ll BE better!" It simply isn’t true. And that’s exactly what I told Sophia:

"Soph, honey, love bug? I appreciate your earnestness but I have to correct you. There is simply NO WAY that you are going to wake up tomorrow and “be a good kid.” The truth is that you are going to wake up tomorrow and be the very same kid you are right now.

So what is the TRUTH about who you are RIGHT NOW?

Are you a “very bad kid” like you just said? Or are you a very LOVED kid who sometimes does bad things?"

And here is yet another CLASSIC response from her. Oh! How SIMILAR we are!

"Mom? I know that’s true. But sometimes I don’t FEEL like it’s true."

Welcome to the battle of faith’s fight against sin, eh?

Today I raised my voice and sinned against God and my daughter by my selfish, angry tone. I am (rightfully) ashamed. I’ve confessed to God and to Sophie and I am assured of their forgiveness. And I really WANT to change. I DON’T want Sophia to be raised by an angry mom who uses a harsh tone of voice. I DETERMINE to change. “I will be calm and gentle! I will be calm and gentle!”

And then ...
And then ...

It’s a little thing. A nothing. Socks in the middle of the bedroom floor. Again. (I mean, who cares? What a dumb thing!) But I get ANGRY. I am short-tempered. I am my own little frustrated god lashing out because I’m not getting exactly what I want when I want it.

What a jerk!
And what a nightmare of a parent.

And so I repent. Again. And determine to change. (Which, by the way, is not a bad thing. I DO need to change!)

But how does a Christian change? Ah hah! Now we’re getting down to the nut of it. And this is exactly what Sophie and I talked about tonight:

We remember the difference between justification and sanctification.

(At that, Soph had to jump out of bed to get a paper and pencil because she really wanted to draw/graph it all out.)

See, there’s my heart before I was saved by God. 100% lost. And then there’s my heart after God saved—JUSTIFIED—me. ("And what does justify mean, Sophia?" “FORGIVEN!” "That’s RIGHT." Good ol' catechism. “God forgives all my sins and accepts me as righteous through Christ.” Double imputation! Yes!)

“But why, then, do I lose my temper and use such a rude tone with you?”

“Three enemies.” (And then she drew them all.) “Satan. The world. And your Old Man.” Right. “And what is my only hope? How can I EVER change?”

“SANCTIFICATION.” "Yes!" What does it mean that God is sanctifying me? Is He angry with me and does He stop loving me until I figure out a way to be better?" “NO! God loves His children. Your WHOLE HEART is His” (as her picture clearly shows) “but He is also making you more and more holy in heart and conduct.”

Yes.
That’s our hope.
Not that WE fix ourselves and stop doing bad and start doing good.
But that “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for US.”
God loves us. God forgives us. And God is changing us to be more like Jesus.

I’m telling you, friends. I simply do not know how a person can get through a day—and especially how a person could raise a child!—without the hope and assurance of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I have been in so many ways the worst mother in the world today.
But I can sit here, holding Ella so she can breathe a little easier, hoping to MAYBE get even a few hours of sleep tonight—all without crushing guilt and condemnation because I am forgiven. By God. By my daughter.

And tomorrow? Yes, I will re-read “Uprooting Anger” and “Heart of Anger” to hopefully remind myself of what’s happening in my heart so that I can more readily turn away from my sin. (We are called to be diligent and dutiful in faith’s fight against sin!)

But I will not do so to EARN BACK God’s love or EARN BACK Sophie’s love. Not FOR their love. But FROM the place of their gracious, merciful, forgiving love.

(Oh, and my daughter, likewise, does not have to wake up and worry about how to get “back into my good graces.” Because she’s already there.)

Thank you, Lord, for the Cross.
And for Your Spirit.
Your Word.
Your Bride.

Thank you for Your Means of Grace—special and ordinary.
For not leaving us as orphans.
For not leaving us trapped in our sin.

Q. 108
Of what use are the Ten Commandments to you?
They teach me what is pleasing to God, and how much I need a Savior.

Amen!

And G'nite, all.

Your friend,
Tara B.

In between Eleanor’s crying (poor thing!), Sophie and I have actually had a pretty nice day.

She made herself a little fort outside to simultaneously read four Narnia books (while staying in touch with me via our super cool baby-monitor-with-walkie-talkie-feature; see it there on her belt loop?):



And later in the day, we played Art Cards while holding Ella:



We’ve been playing with Art Cards since Sophie was 2 or 3 and we love them. They’ve been a great way to learn to just enjoy and discuss art AND to learn the different styles of various artists. Plus, after picking up a few inexpensive postcards from the Art Institute of Chicago and playing with them with her, many of the paintings in the permanent collection there felt like old friends when we saw them in person.

Oops! Baby’s up again so I need to scoot.

Blessings,
Tara B.

After Bible, Catechism, and Prayer, Sophia and I grab our Oxford Book of Children’s Verse and read a poem or two. Or three (or more) depending on how much time we have.

I have to admit, just like my surprise over her fascination and fixation with all things OPERA, I’ve been QUITE surprised by how much Sophie LOVES these poems.

When I first read things like:

"My son, keep well thy tongue, and keep thy friend ... My son, of muckle speaking evil-avised, Where less speaking had enough sufficed, Cometh muckle harm; thus was me told and taught. In muckle speech sin wanteth nought."

I thought, “Really? Is she going to get ANYTHING out of this? I don’t think I read Chaucer until A.P. English in HIGH SCHOOL.” But sure enough, she just LOVES IT.

After today’s reading, she kept saying, “One more! One more!” And after lines like this, I guess I can’t blame her:

"Little children, here ye may lere, much courtesy that is written here. Look thine hands be washen clean, that no filth in they nails be seen ... Pick not thine ears nor thy nostrils, if thou do, men will say thou com'st of churls."

Course we had to chat a bit about poetic license and language after the “worship thy father and thy mother” line in the next poem ("Symon’s Lesson of Wisdom for all Manner of Children; or How to become a Bishop.").

(No, no, we don’t worship our parents. But we do listen to them and honor them in a special way.)

Anyway—just wanted to do a little shout out to any other moms out there who might be trying to persevere through all of the words like doff, pottage, rede, avisely, forcarveth, and availath. I love it! But I do miss having fellowship here in town with other moms who are going through the same thing.

(My two closest friends and the two largest families in our church’s co-op decided to put their kids into public school just one week before classes/co-op started. So we miss them a lot! But we’re very happy that their families have found such a good fit.)

Must run now. Our turn to stuff bulletins at church today!

Sending my love,
Tara B.

I tried SO hard to have a happy home for Fred to wake up to this morning.

Ella and I had been up since a little before 5AM (with her feeding and napping off and on). I was trying to use the time wisely (making lunches, cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry) and ended up in the schoolroom tending to our Aerogarden (which was desperately in need of some attention).

I trimmed back dead leaves, gave it its nutrients, and went to fill the water ... but instead decided to DUMP the water ALL OVER the rug, hardwood floor, dollhouse, bookshelf, toys, books, etc. OK. OK. I didn’t actually DECIDE to do that, but it did happen.

And I (temporarily) freaked out. It was SO much water. EVERYWHERE. And I was frustrated because I’ve been spilling and breaking things for weeks now! PLUS, as I went to try to mop up the water, I was thoroughly DISGUSTED by the dog hair and dust on my floor—so my “our home is devolving into squalor” stress-o-meter went through the roof.

So rather than a leave-it-to-Beaver happy moment, Fred stumbled out of bed to a very upset wife and a stressed out five year old (picking up on my over-reactive emotions). Ergh! The exact OPPOSITE of what I had wanted.

Thankfully, he didn’t escalate the situation or even rebuke me. (Which surely he could have! I’m sure I deserved it.) Instead, he just helped me to clean up the mess and encouraged me to slow down and not push too hard.

And Sophia was a real trooper. Pulled out of her crying (in response to my overly-frustrated emotions). Spoke gently to me. Encouraged me to not over-react; to give myself a break; that it was just an accident; that it was just water, etc. etc.

Thus calmed by grace, I quickly repented. To God. To Fred. To Sophia. I asked them all to forgive me and I asked God to help me to change. Plus, I thanked Him that even in my minutes of peak frustration, I never stopped doubting His kindnesses to me.

All of this was a) embarrassing (my sin and immaturity!); and b) comforting (at least I DID repent and believe!).

Plus, it helped to prepare me for an incident on the changing table a few hours later that not only trashed the (freshly laundered and switched out moments prior) changing pad and cover, but also necessitated a BATH of dear Ella (because there is only so much that diaper wipes can do).

(Can you tell I’m trying not to be too gross here?)

Let’s just say that it wasn’t fun, but even I could laugh about it. And even in my exhaustion and THROBBING knee pain, I did strive to be diligent to tackle some hard stuff today—but with a non-stressed-out / give myself a little grace / dust on the tables and dog hair on the hardwoods does NOT mean I’m devolving into the squalor of some of my childhood homes / perspective.

Yes, I obviously still have LEGIONS to go in my journey of sanctification. But there is grace for the moment and grace for the day.

So I’m going to try to get a little shut-eye now while Fred takes the first shift with our little (sweet!) night owl.

She’s 10 lbs 1 oz now. Exactly one month old today. Finally caught up to what her big sister weighed at BIRTH. Yeep! Time to archive the newborn-sized onesies.

G'nite all and God bless!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
When my friend watched the girls this morning, I actually did a huge craft-supply-shopping-trip to Hobby Lobby today and I didn’t even come close to having an anxiety attack! We’re talking clay, paint, glue, felt, ribbons, sand, brads, and even googly-eyes. Maybe my pain level was blocking my temperament as I limped around that huge (but well-stocked and well-organized) store. But truly? I was really happy to be able to buy arts and crafts supplies “just like a grownup”. Maybe I’ll tackle yeast next ...

Sophia made my day yesterday when this was her reply to our question over dinner, “What did you like most about your first day of First Grade?”

"Getting to be with you, Mom."

Mmmmmmmmm ...

I may have spent the morning on the edge of tears. (Thank God for friends who were so gracious to me and reminded me that I’m less than one month post-partum and I did have two extra surgeries AFTER the c-section, so maybe it’s OK to be easily tired. It’s easy for me to keep forgetting to give myself a break! I’m glad for friends who help me.)

I may have been COMPLETELY unprepared to teach history. (Due to a last minute family change in our co-op, history was either going to be dropped or someone had to step in. I am SO ignorant of history that I really, REALLY love learning it alongside of Sophia ... so I said I’d try it and do my best. Yesterday? After prayer, discussing God’s sovereignty over all of history, and a review of last year’s history journey from Creation into the Ancients, I opened to the first lesson pretty much in front of the children. “OK. Minoans. Let’s learn about the Minoans.” Classic.)

My house is a mess. My poor Golden is CRAVING a long walk or someone to just throw the ball around for her. I haven’t even stayed up on emails the last few days.

But oh! I have the privilege of loving and being loved by a sweet five year old precious little lamb named Sophia Grace. We get to spend our days together, taking care of Eleanor Marie, having fun, learning together, quarreling and sinning and confessing and forgiving.

Yes, I truly am a blessed woman.

Off to take Ella to her one month check up now!

Blessings to you—

Yours,
Tara B.

Read my first blog in over a week and really enjoyed this article from Carolyn McCulley:

Crush Catalyst

Having prayed for my single friends (and, I have to say, been a bit of a crush catalyst in my life—though nowhere NEAR the professional level of our dear Miss Carolyn), I do so rejoice when my single friends are happy and content in their singleness AND when they are happily married too.

Two men I have most enjoyed and loved as friends are now happily paired off—one married for the first time in his forties and now enjoying a little child too; another happily paired off in his twenties. Both of whom I prayed and prayed for a godly wife who would DELIGHT in their wonderfulness.

Currently, I am praying in particular for a husband for a young woman in our church who is just, well, I think one of the loveliest and most interesting, beautiful, intelligent, godly, FUN, musically-gifted, brilliant and yet gentle, theologically-astute, maternal and nurturing women I have ever met.

("Why is she single then?", you may ask. Ahhhhh — remember where we live. The state where livestock outnumbers humans 12 to 1. Not a lot of PEOPLE more or less MEN to choose from around here. But if you know someone who would like to meet a really special lady ... )

Anyway—hope you enjoy Carolyn’s article.

I think I’m going to have to leave my blog reading at just one for tonight. I’m trying to get ready for a co-op meeting tomorrow and also find the energy to stay up until Ella needs to nurse again at midnight. (Somehow going to sleep for only an hour and then having to get up again hurts even WORSE than just staying awake.)

Blessings to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

After a nice family day, Fred headed back to work for the 5PM - 12:30AM shift (12:24AM to his defense because he PROMISED to be home by 12:30, not that I asked him to), and Sophie and I continued to enjoy some domestic duties and then went to veg out a bit with a movie.

Sophie chose “Aristocats” and after a few minutes of work getting things ready for breakfast and lunch on Sunday, I went downstairs to join her. Sadly, as soon as I got downstairs, she paused her video to confess something very serious to me: She had played with the elliptical trainer with her hands; NOT gotten on it (which she knows is strictly forbidden), but pushed the pedals with her hands. Twice. Which she also knows is strictly forbidden.

I won’t, I can’t, go into all of the details of what happened next because although she has given me permission to share our story, especially because of the “FOUR PROMISES” (as she calls them) that we got to rejoice in at the end of our discipline time, she does not feel comfortable with me going into any detail about JUST HOW BAD things got as she confessed and had to face her painful consequences (of “Aristocats” going into toy prison and of her losing the privilege of watching videos in the basement without an adult present to keep her safe, “just like a two-year-old/baby.”)

Suffice it to say that it’s going to take me about five minutes to type this blog and it took us about 90 minutes to work through our conversation, so painful (and loud) was the time of repentance and confession.

BUT OH! The wonderful, glorious JOY of forgiveness! That’s what both Sophie and I want to share with you this morning before we head to church ...

At the end of the discipline, I comforted Sophia by reminding her that even though there were these painful consequences in our lives and this conversation had been SO hard, we actually had GOOD NEWS that we could rejoice in. She agreed and piped up with the first two and I chimed in with the last two:

1. I can be forgiven. Yes! Totally. 100%. Forgiven. We could get up from that chair with a clean slate and a fresh heart.

2. I am always loved. Absolutely. And this is a biggie because during the worst time of the painful consequences, Sophie kept wanting to hide her head under her blanket and NOT persevere because she “felt like the most awful kid in the world” and she “didn’t want anyone to love her.” But of course I told her, “Too bad! I will NEVER stop loving you. And God will NEVER stop loving you! There’s nothing you can do about THAT! We love love love love love love LOVE you!” (And it was so good when she came back to finding comfort in our love.)

3. God protected your hands and your weren’t HURT. This was a biggie for me because our pastor’s youngest daughter had a SERIOUS injury with a piece of exercise equipment when she was a tiny little girl and not only could she have lost the use of her hand (or the actual hand!), she lost a great deal of SKIN and her recovery was excruciatingly painful. I don’t know if I would’ve been so sensitive to just how dangerous exercise equipment can be if that horrible accident hadn’t occurred–but I’m sensitive to it now and I was SO grateful that God protected Sophie.

4. Over time, you CAN earn back our trust and earn back the privilege of watching videos without an adult present. This painful consequence isn’t forever. It will take time and effort, but as you behave in a wise and trustworthy way, we will begin to trust you again. But right now, because of the seriousness of the offense, the consequence has to be serious.

(As an aside, if you read my recent blog entry on “Using Hypotheticals with Our Children”, you might be interested to know that it was at this time in our conversation last night that I DID do a hypothetical with Sophie.

I asked her, “Soph, hypothetically, if you had been playing out in our backyard and I came out to check on you and you told me, ”Mom, I went out through the gate. Twice. And I went and played in the street." ... what do you think would happen?

“I would lose the privilege of playing in the backyard without a grownup present.”

“Why?”

“Because leaving the safety of the backyard and going into the street is SO dangerous that I could be seriously hurt or even die.”

“Right. So would you have that painful consequence because I’m really MAD at you?”
“No.”

“Because I want to HURT your or do mean things to you?”
“No. Because you LOVE me and want to keep me SAFE.”

“That’s right. And can I keep you safe if you don’t obey the rules and boundaries I give you?”

“No. You have to treat me like a little two-year old or baby and keep your eyes on me all the time to keep me safe.”
“Right.”)

But trust can be earned back again. And I really don’t think it’ll be long before someone (ME!) breaks ol' “Aristocats” out of toy prison and gives Sophie the privilege of watching videos in the basement again. Because actually? Isn’t her strong conviction of conscience and guilt a precious, wonderful sign of a heart that WANTS to do the right thing, but, like her Momma, like all of us, struggles at times and at times give in to temptation?

"But He gives us more grace ..."

Ah! Grace up on grace. Our only hope.

Here’s to a grace-filled Sabbath wherein we rejoice in the mercies of God!

Yours,
Tara B.

Sophia and I had such a sweet start to our day yesterday. I climbed in bed with her; the fresh, 6:30AM breeze making a perfect environment for cuddles and talking. And talk we did.

Most of our conversation was about “dating” because next Friday, Fred and I MAY go out on a date to celebrate our “last day before guests start arriving for Ella’s arrival” and in response to seeing that on the calendar, Sophie asked, “What’s a date?”

(Her question pointed out to me, yet again, how Fred and I really need to pick it up a bit in the “make time for our own relationship / have a regular date night” area because, truly, Sophie has no paradigm for her father and mother “dating.” And I don’t think that’s a good thing. In our defense, we used to say that “every night is date night for us” because the first eight and a half years we were married, we had no children. But then we never got out of that non-"real"-date-pattern when Sophie was born—we never made “adult-time” and “adult-conversation” a priority. And our marriage went through a very, VERY hard season, I believe at least partially as a result.)

But, as usual, I digress. Back to Sophie’s and my morning yesterday ...

I love being tucked in around Sophie, nose-to-nose, talking about whatever important topic is on her heart. I love how safe she feels, how she literally says, “I know we can talk about ANYTHING, Mom, because you will always love me. I might have a discipline, but you will always forgive me and always love me.” What a privilege! What a joy.

And then ... and then ...
(Cue scary music ...)

After her very last swim class of the summer, the two of us just had a TERRIBLE five-minute-drive home. No doubt the VAST majority of the problem was MY heart (I think Soph was really just being five years old), but things really got bad. Quickly.

Our conflict revolved around two things:

1. The fact that she did not advance to the next level of swim lessons because her teacher said she can’t float on her back. And she’s been happily, comfortably floating on her back, kicking and backstroking, and finning up and down the pool for over a YEAR now; and

2. Her dropping not one, not two, but multiple dried blueberries into the science-mystery-VORTEX of the backseat of the car, even after being warned about how they will melt and STAIN and please be careful.

Obviously, these two, MINOR MINOR MINOR things are not important. And I actually did really well handling the FIRST one. At first. Our conversation went something like this:

"Hey, Soph. Great job at class today. I’m proud of you."

“Thanks, Mom.”

“I’m wondering, though, if you can help me with something ... Your teacher seems to think you can’t float on your back. Do you have any idea why she might write that on your evaluation sheet? Can you float on your back?”

“Oh,” Sophie paused. “Yeah. Well. Yes, of course I can swim on my back, but I wanted to be the last student to go in class so I DIDN’T float on my back during class.”

Thus ensued a lengthy conversation about “doing all things to the Lord,” always doing our best, and the good stewardship of TIME and MONEY when it comes to any lesson / sport / whatever.

Soph felt appropriately bad (learned her lesson), but there were no painful consequences. No discipline. Just a teaching moment and I thought we could move on.

But then the blueberries started being dropped.

And I don’t really know WHY this put me over the edge. Fred hypothesizes that everything is harder ten days before you give birth and my lack of physical margin just tempted me right into sin. Could be.

But oh my STARS it frustrated me to have to get home and in the heat, take out both car seats and the floor mats and with a flashlight, try to find those blueberries before they melted and stained our poor, falling-apart-anyway car. I wasn’t raising my voice (thank God), but I was obviously upset. And I was whacking out my back. And it was just not a good moment.

When we finally got into the house, I WANTED to have one of those “all-cuddled-up-together-super-safe-Momma-Sophie” conversations (like our morning together). But I just couldn’t get there in my heart. That sweet moment of intimacy felt like it was a million miles away.

So I got a huge glass of ice water. Called Sophie to me. Put her on my lap. And called Fred to ask for his counsel and his prayers for us. (I HATE interrupting him at work! He is literally working until 12:30/1:00AM every single night. But I just couldn’t see a way out on our own.)

He was very helpful (insightful, encouraging, prayerful). And after we hung up, Soph and I confessed to each other, were reconciled, and then she said, “I think I’ll read you Psalm 23, Mom.” Which she did. And then she prayed such a sweet, gospel prayer that we could literally get up from this HORRIBLE HOUR with a clean slate and a clean heart and go into our super-fun afternoon at the pool:

"Thank You, God, that we are your children and you never stop loving us. Thank you for always forgiving us and helping us to forgive each other. Thank You, Jesus, for helping me to stop doing bad things. And thank You for helping Momma to not overreact. Thank You that we are your children and nothing will ever change that. Amen."

You know, I simply can’t imagine raising kids without the gospel. Without real help? And the hope of forgiveness? Our entire day would’ve been RUINED or we would have just had to SULK into our afternoon.

But instead, we could be honest AND reconciled.
I am just so grateful.

Hope your day yesterday was a blessed one too—

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
I actually have to go to the DENTIST this morning because I think one of my molars may be CRACKING. I can’t believe it. Another $1,000 in medical bills coming at us? I’m really trying not to freak out about it, but I feel SO guilty. Fred, of course, is unflappable—"No worries. You take great care of your teeth, but teeth age. It’s not your fault. God will provide." But I just feel like the most expensive, high-maintenance, falling-apart wifey on the planet.

I really hope your morning does not involve a trip to the dentist and/or a potential root canal ...

I just love my husband.

The other night, I mentioned to him how, if our baby (to be born by c-section in twelve days (!!) has Down Syndrome, then I really wish that I hadn’t been going around announcing her name as “Eleanor Marie (Ella)”, because I would really want her name then to be Felicity.

Fred didn’t blink. “Then her name will be Felicity.”

“But we’ve been calling her Ella and praying for Ella and I even have ”Ella Marie" decorations on her nursery wall."



“Who cares?” Fred said. “If you feel strongly that our little girl should be named Felicity if she is born with Down Syndrome, then that’s her name.”

Don’t you just love this guy?

Then we had a brief conversation about how we will feel if the baby has Down Syndrome. (A higher “risk” for me because I’m 39. But no indications in her ultrasounds. Still ... the Lord knows exactly how He has knit this baby together in my womb, so we won’t know until she is born.)

And I shared with Fred some of the resources that have helped me to prepare, and even look forward to parenting a child with Down Syndrome if that is the path God has laid out for our family:

- Our Little Extra - A Mother’s Day Down Syndrome Celebration

- About that Extra Chromosome

- When it Comes to Down Syndrome, Who’s Teaching Whom?

(And there are many more of great articles in MommyLife’s Archives on Down Syndrome.)

At the end of our conversation, I confessed to Fred that at the beginning of this pregnancy, I really thought our baby would have Down Syndrome and (this probably sounds very strange to most of you), I was a little sad when the ultrasound said that she appears to not. So he just replied:

"Well, maybe we’ll get to adopt a little girl with Down Syndrome one day and then we will have our little Felicity."

Seriously? I just love this guy.

Fred and I are very ignorant about many topics, but we’re enjoying learning and growing as we parent Sophia.

One topic we know pretty much nothing about is opera. But we’re trying to learn! Especially as we look forward to a visit with Fred’s brother, Thomas Barthel, who will be performing in Billings the week after Ella is born. (Thomas is the music director of the International Opera Studio at the Zurich (Switzerland) Opernhaus.)

To introduce us a bit to opera, I purchased Stories from the Opera and wondered, honestly, if Sophie would have any interest in it at all. Sure, lots of people say “KIDS LOVE OPERA!” but I had my doubts. Really? Five year olds & opera?

YES! YES! YES! Sophie is completely ensorceled.

She reads the stories out loud to me every day. She listens to the audio CDs every day while reading the book. Again.

And yesterday? She came downstairs wrapped in a blankie-TOGA, dressed all in white, and got out some craft glue and rubber bands to craft her very own LYRE so she could be ORPHEUS (from the opera Orpheus and Eurydice by Gluck):



So I’m a believer. The music is wonderful. The stories always have little “twists” and “inside scoops” that delight children. (The opera version of Cinderella, La Cenerentola by Rossini, is SO fun and interesting! I had no idea.) And all in all, it’s just been wonderful.

I love to spend time with little girls and little boys. They are so interesting and I always learn from them.

Take yesterday’s bowling adventure as an example ...

I care for three children on Wednesday afternoons so that their mom can volunteer at our local Crisis Pregnancy Center. (As an aside, it is SO GREAT to see how God is using this woman’s brilliant mind and compassionate, insightful, gospel-driven heart to minister and serve at the Center! The kids and I just love getting to be even a tiny part of her ministry every Wednesday.)

Anyway ... yesterday was our last Wednesday together pre-Ella, so I took them bowling and invited other little kids to “stop on by” if it worked in their family’s schedule.

We ended up having four lanes of children bowling simultaneously and it was a fun time with lots of peacemaking opportunities too. For example ... CHOOSING WHO GOES WITH WHOM ONTO WHICH LANE.

As you might imagine, the boys didn’t really care. They lined up, signed up, and started bowling.

But OH! There were some serious and interesting discussions for the GIRLS. Who wanted to be with whom. Everyone (trying!) to be kind to everyone but, you know, some days little girls feel all super-close-and-special-friend-y with certain little girls and, well, it made for an interesting dynamic.

(Plus, I had a bit of a flash forward in my mind to pre-teen years and teen years and WOW! Could I see how EASY it is for girls in churches / Christian schools / homeschool co-ops to really become divided and divisive if we (the parents!) don’t prayerfully counsel, rebuke, encourage, advise, and HELP THEM to have healthy and loving relationships.)

It all worked out, thankfully. The girls were teachable and (overall) very sweet and we had a fun time together.

But as I woke up this morning, I was reminded again how important it is to, yes, enjoy our “real” friends. Those rare, precious relationships that are “easy” and comfortable; that don’t take a lot of effort; that are a true and innocent PLEASURE.

BUT ALSO—to always be aware, every Sunday at church, every women’s Bible study or event, just in life in general ... that we are called to BE KIND TO EVERYONE and NOT “USE” people for our own selfish gain. We must not “huddle away” surrounded by the people we “really” like and enjoy. Even we introverts need to GET OUT THERE, engage (even though it’s hard!), ask questions, LISTEN, get to know people, let them know we care.

Will we be “best friends” with everyone? Of course not.
But can we be a blessing to the Body? Serve the stranger in our midst?
Love, expecting (requiring, demanding) NOTHING in return?

I pray that it is so.

(And I thank God for the children who talk with me and share their lives and insights with me because they truly bless me and help me to grow in grace.)

Off into our day now! Second-to-last-time I’ll see my doc for our normal prenatal appointment before the c-section. Wow.

Happy Thursday—

Yours,
Tara B.

My dear friend Lori Johnson has a new blog, Helplessly Hopeful ... Meandering in the Shadow of the King, and she asked me to write a little “guest post” on the topic of using hypotheticals with our children.

I was happy to do so, of course, because I love Lori! And also because hypotheticals have been a great help to us in our parenting of Sophia.

So what does Sophie mean when she says, “Hey Mom! Let’s do a hypothetical!”

The ten-second-Web-search definitions said that a hypothetical is a possible situation or circumstance that deals with the concept of “what if ...” In our family, we make up scenarios and say something along the lines of, “Hypothetically, if you were walking down the street and a car pulled up next to you ...”

Basically, we paint a picture of a situation and then ask Sophie to think through and discuss how she would respond.

We “run hypotheticals” for all sorts of situations, not just safety situations. And we have found that they really help us to talk about important topics in a safe, open, and interesting format. Plus, they give us time to discuss the “WHY” behind the situation IN ADVANCE of the challenge/crisis/danger. I think this is particularly important because those hyper-adrenaline-filled situations are not usually the best times to try to have a rational teaching moment.

Let me give you a few examples:

- “Wow. Great job coming so cheerfully and promptly when I called you, Sophie. I really appreciate it!” (As we snap on our seat belts and pull out of the garage ...) “I’m really excited that you obeyed because now I get to bless you with a surprise! After our errands, I’d like us to stop for an ice cream cone.” ("Hooray!") “Soph, I’m just curious. Hypothetically, if you had whined, complained, or said, ”But MOM! I’m not done with my mosaic yet!", do you think that I could bless you with a treat now?" “No.” "That’s right. Why is that?" “Because then you would be blessing and rewarding my sin and then YOU would be sinning too.”

- "Hypothetically, Sophie, if your VERY EXPENSIVE new bike rolled into the street, would you go and get it so that you could keep it safe?" “No.” "Why not?" “Because PEOPLE are more important than THINGS. You can replace a bike, but you can’t replace a person.” "That’s right. So what would you do?" “I would get a grownup to help.”

- “Sophie, let’s picture your violin group class.” "OK." "Hypothetically, how do you think it would affect the class if one of the children was arguing constantly with the teacher and refused to participate in the activities?" “It would be bad for that student, really disrespectful of the teacher, and ruin things for ALL of us.” "Why do you think it would ruin things for everyone?" “Because rather than having fun and learning together, the teacher would have to keep stopping to correct the disobedient child. So we wouldn’t get to do the group activities AND it’s no fun to be disciplined.”

- "Hypothetically, if your gymnastics teacher gave you the command to sit on the side of the balance beam, what would you do?" “I would sit on the side of the balance beam.” "Great. Why?" “Because she is the teacher and I am under her authority, so I cheerfully obey her command.” "OK. But now, hypothetically, what if you saw your gymnastics teacher at the grocery store and she commanded you to GET INTO HER CAR? What would you do?" “I would NOT obey her. Instead, I would run to my Safe Side Grown Up.” "Great! Why would you not obey her and get into her car?" “Because she doesn’t have authority to give me THAT command; that would be foolish and dangerous. Just like no one has the authority to command me to not love God or to sin (or to keep a secret from Mommy and Daddy or to inappropriately touch me in my private area, etc. etc.), I don’t have to obey her in THAT situation.”

I could go on and on. Some hypotheticals are silly, some are serious. But in either case, we’re just thinking through a situation, talking about it, and learning together.

Obviously, you need to be WISE as to what is age-appropriate information. (I remember being told WAY too many details about terrifyingly scary, and statistically VERY improbable, possibilities as a child. And I caution you against scaring your children in this way. That’s one of the reasons why I really appreciate "The Safe Side Super Chick" way of talking about this stuff with kids. The categories of “Safe Side, Kinda-Know, and Don't-Know” are a great way to help children to think through safety issues. And I particularly like being able to emphasize how MOST Don-Knows would probably NEVER hurt a child, but we just don’t know. And so we use wisdom.)

Also, I want to encourage you to always look for ways to show MERCY, even in hypotheticals. (Just because the child may DESERVE a painful consequence, that doesn’t meant that there might not be mercy given.)

So that’s pretty much hypotheticals in a nutshell. If you think of other aspects that I may have missed, Lori, please just let me know. I’d love to learn AND edit this post and make it even more helpful to your readers.

Blessings to you all!

Your sister in Christ,
Tara Barthel

I only have a moment because we need to leave for Sophie’s swim lessons (isn’t summer fun?!), but I wanted to share a huge praise report with you re: NOT raising my voice / getting frustrated over the HUGE MESS in our schoolroom and the girls' bedroom.

Usually, I help Sophie to stay on top of the chaos (markers, books, stickers, craft supplies, magnifying glasses, American Girl STUFF, audio CDs, necklaces, mosaics, puzzles, games ...YEEK!), but lately I’ve found it extremely hard to BEND over a five pound baby inside and I’ve just been plain LAZY about helping her to keep things organized.

But this week I set two goals:

1. Get the chaos under control.
2. NOT SIN while doing so.

You see ... even without the extra challenges associated with being nine months pregnant, I often get extremely irritated by the LITTLE things that Sophie doesn’t do to keep these areas picked up.

I don’t mind helping with the organizational SCHEMES because a) I like organizing; and b) I know that a five year-old shouldn’t be expected to figure out HOW to keep zillions of things organized. Adults even have a hard time with that!

But the colored pencils that are on the floor NEXT TO the colored pencil bin? The stickers that pile on the table NEXT TO the sticker container? You know, the thing we ALL do because we’re ALL inherently lazy ... not take 30 seconds to put things away properly so that they build up and build up until it’s just a MESS?

In the past, I have used a harsh tone of voice with Sophie over this. Rather than working together as a team to tackle the chaos and get things straightened up, I have sinned. Just like Paul Tripp says in his (great!) book, A Quest for More––Living for Something Bigger Than You :

"We are all capable of fighting for what has little value while forgetting things of transcendent value.

In a flash of irritation, a mom will treat the conditionof her son’s bedroom as being more valuable than the community she is to have with her son, which is so essential to what God wants to do for this boy through her ..."

But yesterday? Rather than just roll down the gutter of my past pattern into sin, God helped me to do something NEW. By FAITH.

- I repented: I asked God and Sophie to forgive me for my past sins in this regard and then I asked God to help me to CHANGE.

- I prayed: As soon as I started to feel those same feelings of anger and frustration, I stopped. And prayed.

- I set more realistic goals: Rather than trying to get the entire area under control, Sophie and I worked as a team on a reasonable goal and then we REJOICED that we had made some progress without sinning.

- And then RESTED. Nothing like a few chapters of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s “Farmer Boy” (We love the Little House series!) and some fresh raspberries to celebrate a little progress.

I know that this might not seem like a big deal to all of you laid-back, relaxed, happy, calm friends of mine. (Hi Samara! ) But I’m trusting that any of you Type-A, driven, prone-to-sin-in-this-way friends will relate and may even rejoice with me.

Grace grace grace! I’m so grateful.

Hope you have a wonderful Tuesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

God gave me a great grace this weekend when, in a conversation with Fred and Sophia about idols of the heart, Sophie said this to me:

"Mom, you can see some of your idols when you look at how you USED TO raise your voice so much to me."

I was so happy! PROGRESS! God really has been helping me to NOT yell/raise my voice in a harsh tone. Hooray!

But then ... but then ...

In another conversation, I was talking with Sophie about how I am praying that God will help me to be more patient. And she replied (respectfully, kindly, but I still felt the force of the content of what she shared):

"That’s great, Mom, because it really makes me sad how much I frustrate you."

And then, when I asked for more information (because I really DO want to change), she demonstrated a facial expression and tone of voice that, well, broke my heart.

It was me. All of it. Ungracious, impatient, frustrated and unpleasant.

Oh oh oh! I am so grateful that Sophie is such a forgiving child. And I am putting all of my hope in the assurance I have that God is such a forgiving God and that He is helping me to grow in grace.

Because, otherwise, I would feel very hopeless about how many times I fail to incarnate Christ in parenting my little love-bug.

One day at a time, eh?
One moment at a time.
Always dependent, utterly, on God’s grace.

Hope your week is a great one!

Yours,
Tara B.

We continue to be a HUGE fan of The First Catechism and here’s one illustration of WHY ...

Earlier today, one of our corporate worship songs had this line:

"The Lord makes His covenant known to those who fear and trust in His name ..."

I asked (5 year old) Sophie what a covenant is and she said:

"A covenant is a relationship that God establishes with us and guarantees by His Word."

Then I asked her WHY God makes a covenant with us and has a relationship with us. Is that because we’re good people who do good things? And she said:

"No. God has relationship with us because He is a merciful God."

Ahhhhhh ... it brings tears to this momma’s eyes to have such tiny, but eternally important, conversations with my love-bug. And I really credit the First Catechism with giving us such a sweet, accessible, biblical framework and vocabulary to work with as a family.

(Oh, and if you’re curious as to the practical “how” of using the catechism, I know there are TONS of great resources out there to help families ... study guides, books, audio recordings, etc. But our church simply makes these little $1.25 booklets available for free in our foyer and we just picked one up when Soph was teeny-tiny and started doing the questions with her every night. Over the years as we have reviewed and reviewed with her, we’ve checked off questions, added stickers, and taped the binding over and over again. But really? It’s just been a simple grace of doing a few questions every night from this little booklet.)

Hope your Sunday is going well! Fred just fell asleep next to me on the right. Lili is chewing her dental chew on the floor to the left. And Soph is coloring her new Dover stained glass coloring book. Ahhhhh! I’m a blessed woman.

Sending you my love—
Tara B.

Our quiet and relaxing day yesterday started with Sophia attending her first “real” gymnastics class. (They call it “progressive level 1” and basically it means that the kids get to advance at their skill progression, rather than having to be in the “little kid” classes that are segregated by age.)

The school gave us a grace to allow Sophie into level 1 because she is still only 5 ("almost 5 and a half" she would point out), and usually their minimum age is “first grader/age 7.” But Soph has, so far, been an encourager to her classmates, followed the teacher’s instructions well, and demonstrated sufficient strength/skill, so they let her have a try at it.

I’m so glad! It was a GREAT experience for her and I think it’s going to be a good fit for our family re: our one “out of the home / do something physical / work with a teacher in a classroom/team setting” activity each week. (Since Soph’s been an only child so far in life, I have really tried to be intentional about playdates and some sort of group/class activity in her life since you can only learn a modicum of peacemaking skills with your Mother and your Golden Retriever all day.)

One of the most interesting things for me yesterday, watching Sophie with these “big kids” (even though she is spot-on average HEIGHT for this group of seven year olds—taller than some, shorter than others, she still is a few years younger than them) ... was the POSITIVE aspects of PEER PRESSURE that I observed.

Maybe that’s not the right term—maybe there’s a better word for the social dynamic that encourages us to persevere, try harder, not give up, be our best—but call it what you will, it was fascinating to observe and then talk about with Sophia after the class.

I saw it many times throughout the hour. At times, Sophie could do a skill quite well, and other girls were encouraged to persevere. But the time that made me just MARVEL was the time the girls spent on the BALANCE BEAM.

Until yesterday, Sophie had never even been ON a full-size / really high off of the ground / “real” balance beam. In her little kid classes, they were always on these tiny, short beams that only “fell” a few inches and even then you landed on squishy foam.

But yesterday? The teacher said, “OK, girls. Onto the beams.” And the other six little girls just CLIMBED ON UP and started doing their tasks (step / dip / backwards / arms up / arms down). I thought to myself:

"I wonder what Sophie is going to do?"

I trusted that she was wise enough to not attempt something dangerous. (In the weeks leading up to the class, we had discussed how the school was giving her grace to go into this class and that she would undoubtedly face lots of things that she just couldn’t do right away. She knew that was OK and the whole point was that she was there to LEARN.)

But I really had NO idea what she would do. (I wouldn’t have wanted to just walk out onto that high beam!)

But walk out on the beam, she did. Back and forth. Dipping. Reaching. Forwards. Backwards. She stayed right with her class and WOW! Did she have a look of accomplishment on her face when she finished.

Afterwards, she said, “I was SO scared, Mom! I was SHAKING! But I did it. And even if I had fallen, I know I wouldn’t have been hurt because other girls fell and they just climbed back up.”

Whoooo-hooooo!

Using the bodies that God has granted us. Strenghtening muscles. Working on being limber and fit so that we can serve God and neighbor.

AND reaching for new goals? Trying something hard? NOT being able to do certain things (boy those other girls could REALLY control a handstand and Soph’s not even CLOSE to being able to do THAT yet!); excelling at other things (Sophie is very, very strong on her bar work/pullovers) ... AND HAVING FUN? Well, we are a blessed lot.

Here’s to being a positive influence on the people with whom we interact today!

Blessings on your Tuesday—

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
If you’d like to see 27 seconds of a little Sophie gymnastics, this is a clip from her final “little kid” (six-year-old) class last month:

Pastor Anyabwile just wrote a strong recommendation of Noel Piper’s latest children’s book and after reading all that he said, I am eager to check it out:



Do You Want a Friend?

I heard a tiny snippet of a sermon the other day when I was driving around town. I have no idea who the preacher was—but if you do, please let me know so that I can give proper attribution.

The one point I heard had to do with how this man and his wife encourage childlikeness in their home, while faithfully and diligently working hard to discourage/discipline childishness.

He had a number of great illustrations and explanations as to why they encourage childlikeness—beginning with the many calls in Scripture to “become like little children” (Matthew 18:3) and be “humble like little children” (Matthew 18:4) “because the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to little children” (Matthew 19:14).

He talked about the wonder and joy and instinctive trustfulness of little children. Their lavish love. Their open, dependent, vulnerable hearts.

(OK. OK. Honestly? I must admit that I’m not sure that he DID actually talk about those things in particular. Now I think I might be floating into the realm of what I was thinking about little children AS he was preaching. But anyway ... hopefully you get the gist.)

He also talked about why childishness at ANY age is to be discouraged because while childlikeness is APPROPRIATE for children, childishness by definition means “inappropriately immature.” So, whereas a two-year old acting like a two-year old is appropriate; it would be childish and inappropriate for a TEN-year old (or a FIFTY-year old) to act like a two-year old.

ANYWAY–the point I wanted to highlight with you all (I really AM incapable of using an economy of words, aren’t I?) is this ...

One fun way that this family encourages childlikeness in their home (laughter, joy, wonder, delight) is what they call a “DONUT RUN!” The components are pretty simple ... the children finish their bedtime routine; teeth are brushed, faces washed, Bibles read, prayers prayed; final parental kisses are given and then the parents go downstairs like normal. But about two minutes later, the dad goes upstairs and says, “Who wants to go on a DONUT RUN?!” And IN THEIR PAJAMAS they head to a local bakery and munch on donuts and talk and laugh ... WAY too late at night and for no other reason than DELIGHT.

I thought that sounded like a great idea!

So tonight, after Sophie and I were in our PJ’s and robes, I sprang the idea of an ICE CREAM run on the family and off we went to the DQ drive in WAY too late at night (10:00!!) — just for the fun of it.

Then we even stopped by the post office to buy stamps from the automatic machine — in our PJs, with our ice cream. Just because it seemed like a fun thing to do.

You should’ve seen Soph’s face! I thought her cheeks were going to split she was smiling so broadly.

We got home, finished our cones at the kitchen table, and she said:

"I wish this night would never end."

Pretty sweet! (The joy of parenting, not just the ice cream.)

How I pray that we will continue to enjoy and encourage childlikeness in our daughters and in our own hearts too. We surely have much to rejoice in, for the Father’s love truly is powerful to save and steadfast. Forever.

Sending you our love!
– Tara (& Fred & Sophia & teeny tiny Ella Marie too)

Sophia had a wonderful playdate with one of her favorite friends today, but as the children were leaving, they all had a minor spat over some Dover Stained Glass Coloring Books (which we LOVE, by the way, and highly recommend if you’re looking for wonderful, creative coloring books).

The kids were great — faithfully and quickly worked through some confessions and granted forgiveness. It was all very minor and then our friends headed home.

BUT THEN ...

A few minutes later, Sophie came out of her schoolroom and said something to the effect of:

"Mom? Can you please help me with something?

I’m kind of struggling right now because my heart WAS feeling all loving and sweet toward my friends when we were standing by their car, talking, and confessing, and forgiving each other. But as soon as I went back inside and saw the coloring books again, all of a sudden my heart started to feel angry and evil again.

I don’t know why it’s doing that and I really need your help."

And so we talked. And prayed. And learned about how ALL OF US are tempted to be BITTER at times, even after someone has confessed to us and we have forgiven them.

Bitterness and resentment are major temptations in life—and God’s grace CALLS us to turn away from these temptations in very practical and tangible ways:

- We acknowledge the feeling. It’s real! It’s there! No use denying it. BUT, we don’t “give in” to feeling angry, resentful, and MAD all over again.

- Instead, by faith, we remember that WE are forgiven by Jesus and SO, we forgive others. Just like this situation. Our friends hurt us and confessed and we forgave them. It is finished. Done. Over. Covered. We are NOT going to DWELL on what happened and think about how they hurt us and feed anger and resentment in our hearts.

- Rather, "Good Thought / Hurt You Not / Gossip Never / Friends Forever", we are going to think good thoughts about them and replace our grouchy, “evil” (to use Sophie’s term tonight) thoughts with sweet thoughts about our friends.

And over time, we can be assured that God WILL help us to LIVE OUT the forgiveness we have offered our friends. Because He is at work in our hearts, sanctifying us and conforming us to the image of His Son.

How sweet it was to check in on her a little bit later as she was continuing to play quietly by herself and hear her say, “Oh, mom. I had actually forgotten all about that by now.”

Hooray! And hooray! Music to this momma’s ears.

Thanking God for grace–

Yours,
Tara B.

MakingHome’s Jess pointed us to an interesting post that might be worth the read if you’ve ever been tempted to look at an obedient child and think, “Must be nice to have such an EASY kid.”

(OR if someone has ever said something like that to you in response to your obedient child.)

Please note: I don’t know anything about the blogger and I think the substance is spot-on, but the tone might be a little strong. Please read it and enjoy it charitably.

Do Parents a Favor

PS
Not ONE HOUR after posting this, Soph had a “little” moment of disobedience. We were having SO much fun and her “tiny” act was strange and really stopped the fun. I was so tempted to just LET IT GO. But no. Of course I couldn’t. So we stopped the fun, had a painful consequence, confessed, were forgiven ... and THEN? Got to go BACK to the fun. REAL fun. FORGIVEN fun. It’s so good to be a Christian and have the hope and assurance of our salvation—not only in the next life, but being saved even from ourselves/our sin in this life.

Thank You, Lord, for forgiveness!

PPS
Just in case you’re wondering WHY I couldn’t just OVERLOOK her “tiny” act of disobedience or give her mercy, she also LIED about it. And in our home, an intentional sin like lying always means a double-trouble consequence ... one for the underlying wrong and one for lying about it. It’s SO hard to be consistent! But as far as I can remember, we have never wavered off of this and hopefully (prayerfully!) we are training Sophie that even though she may THINK that she can hide or sin or “get away with it,” ultimately—it is ALWAYS better to honestly DEAL WITH IT. That God already knows the truth anyway; we don’t want to cherish/hide sin; and there really IS forgiveness and restoration.

That’s what she experienced yesterday. And that’s what I was trying to LISTEN TO myself as I said the words to her.

I really appreciate Jess’s winsome and wise writing style–and MAN! Her kids are CUTE!

So if you’re interested in reading about homeschooling, why not pop over to:

Homeschool Curriculum Choices – A Stream of Consciousness Analysis

I’m doing a little two week unit study on Orchestras for our co-op and I just wanted to write a quick entry to encourage any of you who have regular contact with children to consider making it a point to introduce them to the wonderful world of classical music.

I’m pretty nerdy in my musical tastes–I don’t know who the cool/hip rock music people are. And I really don’t even know who’s “hot” in Christian music these days. But I do love to have music on in the house and thankfully, Soph seems to enjoy it too.

We usually have classical music playing (if you’re NOT mp3 reluctant/ignorant like me, you can get zillions of pieces online for FREE, but I still use these old things called CDs), but we also like big bands, musicals, simple jazz (remember, I’m SO NOT hip), and quiet Christian/worship songs. I think I own one or two country western albums (trying to get into my new life here as a Montanan) and I like them when I’m in a honky-tonk/proud of the flag/love my family kind of rockin' mood.

I also REALLY love Black chorus music and anything by Jubilant Sykes or Kathleen Battle. Such voices! Simply astounding.

But I don’t think it really matters WHAT your musical tastes are–it just seems to me that it’s a good thing for children to be around music. Any music. To hear, experience, talk about ... I just LOVE it when Soph is playing and a new song comes on and she says to me, “Ummmm. This sounds a little scary. Or sad.” (Dissonant. Minor key. Darker chords. Yup. Sounds scary or sad to me too.) Or the way she just can’t help but JUMP UP and JOIN IN any time “Pick-a-little Talk-a-little / Good night Ladies” comes 'round on our Music Man recording. Hooray for barbershop quartets!

She is also picking up a nice sense of the styles of various composers, thanks to the Classical Kids albums that we put on for background music while she plays. (I particularly like the historical references and the context for the various pieces. They really make the composers come alive and easy to picture in your mind.)

The best way to introduce kids to music, though, is IN PERSON. Take them to concerts. Bring them to recitals at your local college. Yes, teach them to sit quietly and not squirm (and when to clap, what to look for) ... but do a little prep too by listening to the pieces in advance, talking about the various instruments, and then watch them LIGHT UP when the music THAT THEY KNOW begins. It’s just so fun!

There are lots of websites and books out there (just search for terms like children and orchestra or kids and orchestra) – I really enjoy the musical excerpts included with The Story of the Orchestra and the little factoids are fun for a basic introduction to instruments and composers. But there are SO many wonderful things out there to go even deeper too–once your kids are “hooked” and interested.

Even if YOU don’t feel comfortable with any of this, I hope you’ll consider trying to add a little music into the soundtrack of your lives this summer. You can’t fail or do it badly! Just have fun and enjoy.

(Hah! As I wrote that, I thought about how many of you COOKS must think the same thing when I’m irrationally afraid of trying to plan and make a meal. “Just have fun and enjoy, Tara!” "Don’t be afraid. It’s great!" Yeah, right. My chest is tightening in a tiny anxiety attack even just thinking about it. But I have TRIED. We even had a “real” dinner last night (miracle or miracles!) ... pork chops, stuffing, broccoli, applesauce, delicious oranges for dessert. Soph said it felt like Thanksgiving! (See, that’s how many times I pull it together for a real meal. No. No. It’s not that bad. But it may FEEL that bad.) If music–especially classical music–feels even a tiny bit LIKE THAT for you? Please. Don’t give in completely to any fears. Those boxed sets are usually available for pennies at used CD shops (or for free online!), there are LOTS of books and recordings at libraries on all of this, free concerts usually ABOUND in the summer ... and you can learn WITH your kids. That’s how I’m trying to approach cooking. And sewing. Hospitality. Oh, yeah, and, well, pretty much every aspect of my domestic-diva-Tara-life now. I’m learning WITH Sophia. And that’s not a bad thing.)

OK. Time to move into our morning now.

Hope you have a lovely Wednesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Carolyn McCulley posted to a motherhood series that I’m going to be sure to listen to:

A Call to Intentional Mothering

I had never even HEARD of Holly Elliff before, had you?

Yet again, I’m grateful for Carolyn’s blog.

PS
Be sure to also click over to Tim Challies' FREE STUFF FRIDAYS for a chance to win not only Carolyn’s (AMAZING!) new book, “Radical Womanhood” (I was JUST recommending that book to a group of women again this week), but also four OTHER books. A bundle of five! Hope you win.

Yesterday I felt as though I were in a holding pattern all day long. I teetered between diligence with my duties and complete slackerhood – and ended up, as usual, somewhere in between.

Towards the end of the afternoon, I did figure out one portion of my sense of being on the edge of something ...

Wednesday morning, we go to see a maternal - fetal specialist for our 22/23 week ultrasound and, well, I guess we will learn some information:

- Is the baby healthy? Are there any problems with his or her heart? Kidneys? etc. etc.

- Oh yeah! Is he a he or is she a she? One good camera angle and hopefully I’ll learn if I need to sell some pink stuff to be able to buy some blue stuff come this summer.

- Is my strong sense that we’re having a child with Down Syndrome just an inaccurate sense or has God been preparing me through a number of sources over the past few years (for example this amazing Mother’s Day photo album and my own denomination’s special needs ministry) for a new life adventure? (I keep thinking “Felicity” would be a sweet name for a little girl with Down Syndrome ...)

- Are we REALLY having a child this summer? Even with daily fetal movements, I still find the reality of us going back to life with a newborn to be one of those, “Really God?! For real?! Us?!” moments.

So anyway ...

It’s an interesting time in the ol' Barthel household. I’m thinking about projects to be working on ("Peacemaking Kids!"), gearing up for the giant sorting of baby clothes and baby stuff task that is at hand, enjoying having a five year-old who delights in reading “Momma and baby” to sleep for naps in the afternoon (and then sneaking out SUPER QUIETLY so as to not wake us up) ... and mostly, just taking things one step at a time.

(Oh! And Lili and I walked this morning–all bundled up, in between snowstorms. Exercising twice in one year? 'Tis amazing.)

Hope you enjoy your Tuesday–

Yours,
Tara B.

I was asked to jot down a few “thoughts on parenting” for an upcoming baby shower and this morning I thought, “Hey! Those might be a decent blog post.” So here you are.

1. Dr. Dan Doriani (Covenant Seminary) reminds us all that “parenting is simply big sinners helping little sinners.” I constantly think about this fact when I interact with Sophia—especially when she is being disciplined and tempted to despair. I know what that feels like! And just as my only comfort is Christ; and my only hope is Christ—the same is true for her. And I regularly remind her that I am right there, with her, in the battle.

2. After reading “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” (by Tripp) well before we ever had a child (a book, by the way, that we highly recommend!), Fred and I were convicted of the importance of helping children to understand that there are blessings in obedience and painful consequences in disobedience (because the way of the sinner is HARD). But when our dear friends, the Vowells, gave us the specific admonition to BE SURE that children understand this concept by age 2, that really got our attention and it really impacted how we raised Sophie from the start.

- By God’s grace, we were committed as a parenting team to helping her to see that authority is a GOOD thing and that EVERY PERSON is under authority (Mommy, Daddy, Pastor Jason ... everyone).
- We then helped her to see that “the way of the sinner is HARD” and “there are BLESSINGS that come in obedience.”
- Then we worked with her to understand that we all demonstrate our LOVE for GOD by our obedience to Him … and this includes obeying the authority HE has placed in our lives.
- We helped her to see that, by nature, NO ONE wants to submit or obey. We ALL have a hard time with this. But that’s why Jesus had to come and live and die and be raised again for us.
- So when she gets caught in those “MONSTER WANTS!!!!!!” (a “Young Peacemaker” term), there are painful consequences at times, and lots of gospel and grace at times, and usually a combination. (Just like in OUR lives.)

I have to say, having a child who, as a general rule, cheerfully obeys (because obedience is only obedience if it is “without delay, without complaint”), brings extraordinary amounts of happiness to our home. Sophie is so much more secure and joyful than the children we know who “rule the roost” and manipulate their parents by whining, arguing, pouting, and having full-fledged fits. Plus, of course, our family life is so much more pleasant. And most importantly, hopefully!, we are raising her in such a way that she will see as she grows older that true joy comes in glorifying God and not living in a way that glorifies self and indulges in what she wants just because she wants it.

3. When I interviewed a bunch of RMCC men for a baby shower years ago (memorialized in the “Dad to Dad” book in the RMCC library—you should check it out! it’s hysterical, and informative too), one of them responded to my “If you could do it all over, what would you change?” question with an answer something to the effect of, “I would have been more merciful.” And that has really stuck with me. It’s one thing to be diligent and faithful in parenting—especially about everything I said in point #2 about authority/submission/obedience. You need a plumb line—a standard; a clear cut understanding of what is right/wrong, God-honoring/not God-honoring. However, once that is established and the child KNOWS they have sinned, I would encourage you to seize many, MANY opportunities to be merciful. It’s an amazing thing to surprise your child with lavish mercy! To see them gasp as they realize that they are not going to have to pay the (justly deserved) penalty for their wrong? It is such a joy and such a wonderful opportunity to remind them of WHY you are showing mercy: “Because GOD is so merciful to ME every single day, over and over again. That’s why I am showing you mercy—because God is merciful to me.” I encourage you to be merciful.

4. We can’t overemphasize the importance of a bedtime routine—and especially encourage you to consider reading the Bible and doing Catechism every single night. It is amazing how quickly children learn God’s Word and solid theology with this simple routine. Fred and I are both extremely lazy people and we are shamefully inconsistent with many aspects of parenting. But for pretty much every night of Sophie’s life, we have snuggled, prayed, sung hymns and worship choruses, read the Bible, done Catechism, and read other books. It’s kind of like brushing our teeth and flossing now—it’s just what we do as a family (or, more often, especially on weeknights—what Fred and Sophie do as their special Daddy-Daughter time) … and we love it.

So ... do you remember a post I put up last week about how I felt after learning that Sophie wasn’t invited to a friend’s little birthday party? A little bit of freaky-Tara-immature-wacked-out-emotions came out AND a little bit of godly-growing-in-grace-faith-and-love came out. Overall, no biggie.

(But it sure COULD HAVE BEEN, in a different situation, eh? One mom feels hurt because her child is not included in something special. Offended by the slight, she pulls back out of the relationship and puts distance between the children AND the families. “Oh! SHE didn’t invite my child to THAT party. WELL! I guess WE won’t be inviting them to OUR party next summer.” And so on and so on and so on, it grows. And destroys relationships. And breaks unity.)

BUT NO. That DIDN’T happen in this situation. By God’s grace, I went, “Oh! Little awkward but what can you do? Not every child can be included in every fun adventure. No biggie.” We just let it go.

AND THEN WE FIND OUT TONIGHT (DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!) that, in fact, Sophia WAS invited to the birthday celebration. Classic! There was a purple balloon for her and cake too. She was invited through a friend (who was watching Sophie when Fred and I were out of state) and she DECLINED the invitation on our behalf–assuming that having been apart all week, we would rather be together as a family than go to a party. So she declined the invite and then forgot to mention it to us.

Classic. Totally Classic.

In this situation? No big deal! The invitor is gracious above the pale and I am quite sure was the first one to presume charitably and lovingly as to what was best for everyone (not just her comfort and the success of the shindig). The decline was given gently and lovingly with a good explanation (Soph has been sick and hasn’t seen her mother in five days; probably best if she just stays home.) The beloved Birthday Girl DID have special celebrations and gifts and was honored and loved.

And at the end–we are friends. Our children are friends. There is grace.

And oh oh oh! I am REJOICING that God constrained me to NOT OVEREACT and go back to the dark place of self-condemnation and despair. AND to not overact by presuming uncharitably about the situation (“She ONLY disinvited Sophia because she doesn’t LIKE Sophie and she OBVIOUSLY doesn’t want to be her friend any more!! Well!! We’re show them!!”) But instead to take a breath, get some perspective, and lovingly move on.

I am such a grace junkie!!! Every day. I am more and more desperate for the grace that is mine in Christ Jesus my Savior.

But now my head is starting to spin so I must sign off–

God bless you!
Enjoy your Sabbath tomorrow!

Your friend,
Tara B.

GREAT GREAT stuff over at The Young Peacemaker Resources Webpage.

Ken Sande’s assistant, Kris Hart, forwarded me the link and I’m so glad she did! I hope it is a blessing to you too.

G'nite,
Tara B.

Oh! Did Sophie NAIL me yesterday.

She was exceedingly gracious and respectful–BUT the substance of what she said was SO spot on that I just burst into nervous, self-reflective, cringe-inducing, oh my STARS I’m such a mess, rolls and rolls of LAUGHTER.

The situation was a, well, tense conversation with Fred. We weren’t mad at each other and we weren’t yelling. We were just in the middle of an HOURS-LONG discussion about a complicated financial tracking question that we were trying to figure out (having to do with our medical savings account, Quicken, our family’s “close out the month” spreadsheet, etc.).

In the middle of our conversation, Sophie came over to me and very gently, very respectfully said:

"Mom? I just don’t think it’s very gentle when you say SO WHAT YOU’RE SAYING IS THAT WE HAVE TO DOUBLE-ENTER" ... ETC. ETC. ETC

And she said it in my EXACT tone. I mean, it was Meryl Streep as a five year old EXACT, SPOT-ON tone.

And (of course) she was right. It was in no way gentle and I really DID need to tone it down.

But first, I had to stop laughing and that took awhile. I just couldn’t stop laughing. It was all just TOO accurate a reflection of my sin-sick heart.

Thank God for grace! From Him. From my husband. From my darling daughter who is so quick to forgive (over and over again).

“Be careful little eyes what you see” indeed!

I’m so grateful that the Father IS looking down on love–all the time! Regardless of my behavior! That His love doesn’t waver based on my performance–or else? Who could stand? Surely not me.

We’ve had a restful and lovely Sabbath here and hope that you can say the same. (I’m actually typing this as Sophie is fiddlin' away on a chair next to me. She’s just experimenting with different tones, scales, changing the key of different songs. It’s great. What a blast.)

Here’s to a happy and blessed Monday!

Sending you my love–

Yours,
Tara B.

If you are looking for an amazingly wonderful book to read out loud to your children, I heartily recommend James Herriot’s Treasury for Children.

I have never read any of his “grown-up” books, and I have to admit I wasn’t all that excited to try out this kid’s version–I think I assumed it would be too sappy and sentimental/uninteresting.

But Fred’s dad was a beloved large animal vet in the rural farm country of northern Illinois, and I thought it might give us some nice conversations about Grandpa Calvin (whom Sophie and I will meet for the first time in Heaven because he passed before I met Fred).

I’m so glad I got this book for us to read! I LOVE IT. It is so well written, interesting, and endearing in a non-annoying sort of way. Plus, the illustrations are gorgeous–we love to investigate each one because they are so detailed and textured that they truly are art.

Even at the end of a tired, sad day (when bad news just kept rolling in on top of me and things kept getting worse and worse), cuddling with Sophia as we took turns reading this book out loud absolutely warmed my heart.

What a grace a good book is! I am grateful to God.

Oh, and I’m grateful even more so for Sophie’s little prayer tonight. We always start by praying back God’s attributes–especially something from what we’ve just read in the Bible. Tonight we read about Jesus walking on water and calming the sea and Sophie’s prayer went something like this:

"Thank You, God, for Your greatness! And thank You for all of your miracles! Thank You for healing the sick and calming the waves and the storm. And for forgiving our sins!"

To which I can only end my day with a hearty, “Amen!”

(As I try to remind my subconscious mind that if even the wind and water obey Him–what have I to fear?)

G'nite and God bless!

Yours,
Tara B.

Jess posted a wonderful set of thoughts for new moms over at her Making Home blog.

Fred and I are hoping to remember something about taking care of a newborn if this little one makes his or her arrival come July ... so I was glad to re-read many of her links.

Hope you enjoy!

Just read a great post from John Piper/DesiringGod Ministries:

Texts to Pray for Our Children

(HT: Life Together for the link.)

In a few minutes, we will load up a (borrowed) car (we needed one with four-wheel drive and preferred one that wasn’t twenty years old with a zillion miles on it and a friend was exceedingly generous in loaning hers to us) ... and head to Colorado.

We’re hoping for no snow as we cruise through Wyoming and looking forward to (hopefully) arriving at The Children’s Hospital for our appointment tomorrow.

(For those of you who don’t know, our five-year old daughter, Sophia, has been experiencing a serious medical challenge since November or so. None of the doctors in Billings can help her (or even figure out what’s going on), but there is a team of pediatric gastroenterologists at the Children’s Hospital that (hopefully) can.)

Yesterday, our pastor asked for prayers for Sophie and prayers for us as we travel. (Ten hours of winter driving through Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado can get a little tricky.) And my Momma heart caught in my throat a bit this morning when I was doing some last minute straightening/packing and found Sophie’s sermon notes from yesterday’s service.

For the prayer requests of the day, she just wrote two words:

"Help me."

So I guess that’s my request too–would you please pray and ask God to help our daughter?

Yes, we are praying for her complete healing. But we are also praying that, no matter what, she would walk through this entire experience with faith and confidence in God’s goodness.

Suffering is so hard! And I just can’t express to you how extreme her pain is when she is having an attack. It’s like something you would see in a horror movie. Other than the time I helped to sit with a friend who was dying of breast cancer (and the pain was so great at the end that even the morphine did not bring her relief), I have just never been around someone is such excruciating pain.

I would give anything to be able to switch places with her and bear her suffering. But I can’t. And so I pray.

I seriously doubt we’ll have any “answers” this week. But the triage nurse has been great about explaining that many times in this situation, they do tests over the course of a few days, but if they can’t diagnose the problem, then the children leave with a set of standing orders for what to do if an attack returns. For example, if Sophie goes two weeks without an attack and then has one at 3AM, we would immediately put her in the car and go to the hospital and while she is in the midst of an attack, certain tests would be run.

This gives me a lot of hope that we will, at the very least, have a game plan for helping her. It has been incredibly hard to feel so powerless to help her.

So that’s our story. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to blog this week–but thanks in advance for your prayers.

Sending you our love,
Tara B. (& Fred & Sophia Grace)

We are continuing to move through Prince Caspian and we love it.

Fred reads out loud to us as we cuddle under the covers. It’s so relaxing–and interesting.

Last night, Sophie said:

"I can picture it all in my mind, Momma! Do you picture it all in your mind? I can see EVERYTHING!"

I told her that was what makes books so wonderful–rather than seeing a director and producer’s interpretation of a story, WE get to create all of the pictures in our minds ourselves. It’s so cool!

(Not that we won’t, one day, watch and enjoy the Chronicles of Narnia movies–I’m sure we will! But first? I’m just so happy that she gets to have the pictures created in her own little multi-color mind.)

There is much to do around here–but we’re all going to ramp back up into real life a little slowly this year because we have to take Sophie to the Children’s Hospital in Aurora, Colorado next week. So no hitting the ground running for us–we’ll hopefully begin to get into a routine the week of January 12 or so.

Hope you’re doing well!

Yours,
Tara B.

Between Two Worlds posted a link to a theological review of some children’s books and I was wondering if any of you are familiar with them:

Theology for Kids

I completely resonated with the concern that the authors shared re: just how BAD the theology of most kids books is.

I distinctly remember how uncomfortable I felt throwing away little board books and lift the flap books that we had received for Sophia when she was born ... but the theology was simply unbiblical and un-Christian. ("God loves you IF you do what He commands." “God blessed Noah because he was a good man.”)

I would’ve given them away–but I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had led little children away from Christ. So I cringed and pitched 'em.

How grateful I am that now we have been blessed to learn about so many books for children that are so rich with the gospel–that God saves sinners because He is a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness; maintaining love to thousands and forgiving wickedness, rebellion, and sin.

Ahhhhh! No cringing there. Only hope. Our One True Hope!

Thank You, Father, Son and Holy Spirit that You did not wait for us to get our acts together and “be good.” But instead, You lavish your mercy on us and lead us to repentance and faith–over and over again; new every morning! Great is Your faithfulness.

I’m off to cuddle with a big five-year old girl and a Golden now–

Happy Friday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Does anyone else read this blog on children’s literature?

The Children’s Hour

I’m looking forward to poking around through the archives and keeping my eye on it for awhile.

Thanks to this blog, I just found out that Susan Hunt has a new children’s book out this year: Sammy and His Shepherd. Hooray! I love everything by Susan Hunt.

One of Sophie’s birthday presents this year was The Little Polar Bear series. Very fun!

And for our “read out loud” chapter books, we’re continuing on through both The Little House on the Prairie series and The Chronicles of Narnia.

Do you have any book recommendations for a “book-a-holic one week away from being five years old” little girl? I’d love to hear your advice.

Today I have to pack us up and prepare to go from sunny and hot Mexico to snowy and FREEZING (well, technically BELOW FREEZING) Chicago and Montana. It’s been a very fun week.

Much love!
– Tara B.

PS
One of the final things I do on trips to Mexico is take out my braids. Fred helped me last night. Not a pretty sight, eh?



PPS
Sorry that the original title had an apostrophe in it–I know that keeps comments from posting and I try to remember to avoid those!

We had a blessed Thanksgiving and hope you did too!

Our day started with a wonderful church service and then we came home to make a simple version of Thanksgiving dinner. My favorite part was making biscuits (yes, yes, “THE” cream of tartar biscuits–the only ones I’ve ever tried to make) with Sophia. Of course we wore the Christmas aprons that Grandma Chris made for us last year:



Then we enjoyed an invigorating walk on top of the Rimrocks:



And our day ended with two new super-fun family games ...

Find It!



(I love games that are genuinely FUN for both kids and adults. Plus? Sophie is BY FAR the best of the three of us–she has eagle eyes and can spot anything.)

Tic Tac Chec



(I’m 38 and I still don’t know how to play chess. But Fred does! And this is, apparently, a GREAT way to introduce young children to the game. Initially, Sophie was a little offput by the rules for the pieces and the strategizing required by the game. But after a few minutes? She was OVER THE MOON EXCITED as she outwitted Fred. I can’t wait until she’s ready for the real game–we told her that Elder Mattson and Uncle Fred and Aunt Kali will be looking forward to playing her one day.)

Hope you have a great Friday!

Yours,
Tara B.

(Please note: I share this story with Sophie’s permission. If she didn’t want me to share it, I wouldn’t. But she is always happy that the things we go through might encourage another mommy and daughter too. So here we go ...)

Last Thursday, Sophia got caught in a sin. It had to do with not peeking in my office because I was still working on wrapping Christmas and birthday presents–and I didn’t want her to ruin any surprises.

But, sadly, she peeked. I knew it and she knew it. It wasn’t an accident. It was intentional. And as we talked about it–how she had not only sinned against God and against me, she had also put at risk the super-fun upcoming days of her birthday and Christmas (because how would it be any fun for her if she ALREADY KNEW what her gifts were?)–the weight of the offense (and consequences) bore down heavy on her sweet little heart.

We talked about the two paths that God puts in front of us–one, the way of obedience and righteousness that leads to blessing; and the other, the way of defiance and sin that leads to misery. Life and death. Happiness and sadness.

As she admitted how she had gone down the selfish, sinful path, she was really tempted to despair. At one point, through her tears, she actually said the words,

"Oh, Mom! I KNOW I should go down the good path and I WANT to go down that path; but it’s like I keep going down the BAD path and I don’t know why."

So, of course, I took her to Romans 7 and talked about how I know that very struggle; and so does daddy; and pastor; and the Apostle Paul; and every single Christian throughout the ages.

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." Romans 7:15

“For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” Romans 7:19

And then she actually read herself out of her very own ESV Children’s Bible (the translation, by they way, that I LOVE!) the only hope for her and for every person:

"Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:24-25

Oh! How we rejoiced together that even though we are both tempted to go down the “bad path,” Jesus rescues us. He has forgiven us and He is forgiving us and He WILL forgive us.

Yes, she had a double-trouble (painful!) consequence. (Double because of the deception in addition to the defiant act.)

But then she was FORGIVEN. Fully. As far as the east is from the west. She doesn’t have to be scared or embarrassed when she thinks about her birthday or Christmas. There is nothing separating her from God or me as far as her little presents are concerned. It is finished. She is forgiven and now we get to move on with great joy.

You know, this morning as we were discussing appropriate behavior for Sunday School class (i.e., NOT answering every question but instead concentrating on encouraging and loving our friends), I told her the story of how I used to be such a loud and bossy child that when I was her age, my teachers often had to scold me. It embarrassed me so much! And I felt just terrible. But I didn’t know how to change. And I had NO idea that I could be forgiven.

Sophie said, “Oh, mom! That must’ve been just awful to not know that you could be forgiven because of Jesus!” And I said, “Yes, it surely was.”

And then I thanked God again that Sophie and I get to walk through life, not only as mother and child, but also as sisters in Christ, both resting in Christ alone by faith alone.

I’m a grateful Momma. And I hope that you also heard the gospel this week and this Sabbath day too!

Fred is calling me upstairs now because Sophie’s bath time is done and he’s going to read to us from the next Chronicles of Narnia book now. (I’ve never read, “Prince Caspian,” so I am excited!)

G'nite and God bless,
Tara B.

Before all of the medical stuff swooped in our us this week, Sophie and I had a particularly fun day out and about at her gymnastics class, violin lesson, and then an impromptu stop for a momma-daughter ice cream date. Just watching my little love sitting there at DQ, licking her favorite vanilla cone, I was overwhelmed with gratitude to God and I leaned over, gave her a little squeeze, and said:

"I love you, Sophia! You are such a sweet daughter and such a good friend to me too. I really thank God for you."

Her response was not what I expected.

After a few moments, tears began to flow out of her eyes and she began to cry.

"Momma?! I did something very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY bad."

“What, honey?” I asked, quite concerned by the extreme number of “verys.”

“Well, sometimes I go up to my room and I say that ... well ... that ... that you are MEAN! But you’re NOT mean! And I say that I don’t LIKE YOU. But I DO like you, Mom! I LOVE you!”

(And more tears came.)

What a moment. I mean, who among us hasn’t, at times, “hated” our mothers? Who hasn’t felt such things and said such things–even if only to ourselves and to our stuffed animals as we stomped around our room?

Interestingly, I assumed that her temptations to be this upset with me would’ve mostly come at the times when I really WAS being a jerk–using a harsh tone of voice, being disrespectful of her ... times when it would be hard for ANYONE to love me because I was actually SINNING.

But no. As we talked and I drew out what was really going on in her sweet little heart, I discovered that the times she was MOST tempted to be angry with me were normal ol' “my mom is asking me to do something and I don’t want to do it” times. This was actually quite comforting to me! And of course I could tell her example after example of times that I didn’t want to do something that I knew I had to–times that I was tempted to stomp around and grumble.

So I helped her to confess and I readily forgave her. And I gave her some strategies for how to fight against such temptations in the future–and encouraged her to GET HELP if she needed to (because although it is totally understandable to FEEL such things, still, we are not to SIN simply because we FEEL a certain way).

And we finished our ice cream and headed home. Fully forgiven. A fresh start! Both of us so grateful for grace.

Hope your Thursday is going well! Sophie’s almost through all of her lessons for the day and I’m almost done with a paid writing assignment that is due today. Hmmmm ... best get back to that right now!

Blessings to you–

Yours,
Tara B.

In our church, children stay for the entire service. At 90 minutes (and sometimes longer), it can be a real stretch for the young ones to learn to sit quietly.

When Sophie was 2 or 3, one of our elders recommended that we move from the back of the church (where most of the families with young children sit) to the front row (where, well, very few people sit–we are Presbyterians after all).

ANYWAY–he said that being up-front helps the children to get to know the elders, hear the prayer requests and praises better, really participate in worship, and (as they grow) better attend to the Bible readings, sermons, and the distribution of the Lord’s Supper (with confession and the assurance of forgiveness).

So we moved to the front row and for the most part, it’s been great. A few embarrassing walks through the entire service to discipline or run to the bathroom in an emergency–but mostly, it’s helped our family’s participation in the service a lot. (Not just Sophie–me too! There are no tempting Fear of Man distractions when you don’t see anyone else in the church.)

So if you’re working on having your children actively participate in your church service and learn to not be a distraction, Elder Mattson recommends the front row! And so do I.

OK. Now I really must run into my Tuesday.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

PS
This past Sunday, an artist in the church asked if she could snap our photo because she might want to sketch or paint Sophie. Fun stuff! So apparently this is the view that my church family has of the Barthel girls on Sunday morning ...

I knew the day would come when Sophie would do the math and figure out that she has WAY “too many” grandparents on my side of the family.

"Is Grandpa Charlie like your father-in-law, Momma?"

“No, no ... he’s not my father-in-law. He’s my stepfather.”

“Huh?”

And when all gentle tries at dodging the issue failed, we were off to the races to explain divorce.

I dreaded even introducing the concept to her–but I knew it would come up one day. Not just because of my family, but there are divorced characters in her books ("LuLu Grenadine" for one); she has friends who are the children of single parents ("Where is his daddy?"); etc. etc.

So I explained that my mother (Grandma Kathy) and my father (Grandpa Joe) used to be married to each other. But they had a lot of struggles in their marriage and they didn’t have the resources and help to work through their struggles. And one day, they stopped being married to each other.

The concept was shocking to Sophie, as it ought to have been. She just couldn’t fathom how people could STOP being married–and I’m glad that she couldn’t.

But then she had to learn of this horribly sad mark of the Fall–divorce. And I could tell that she was already making the mental leaps in her heart to that awful question that I assume every child asks at one time or another:

"Does that mean that YOU AND DADDY could one day just stop being married to each other? (!!)"

I told her that Daddy and I would NEVER stop being married to each other because we are Christians and when we became husband and wife it was until death parts us. We took vows before God and our loved ones. And even though we will have some hard times in our marriage, we will always stay together. Always.

And then Sophie and I listed out the resources and help that Fred and I have that my parents didn’t have when their marriage went through hard times:

- The Holy Spirit (Who lives in our hearts)
- The Church
- Our pastors and elders
- The Bible
- The sacraments (our baptism and the Lord’s supper)
- Hearing sermons every Sunday from Pastor Alfred
- Small group Bible study and our friends
- Momma’s friend/prayer group and Daddy’s men’s prayer breakfast
- Sophie! (She said, “I help you to be a peacemaker!”)

(and we could go on and on ...)

That conversation was weeks ago, but every once in awhile the topic comes up again. Like this morning when we were cuddling and out of the blue she said:

"You and daddy are NEVER going to do that thing that Grandpa Joe and Grandma Kathy did? Never?"

“Never,” I assured her. “The Bible says that when daddy and I got married, we became one flesh. I could no more remove daddy from my life than I could remove my own skin. You’re stuck with us, Soph, FOR LIFE.”

(and she smiled away ...)

You know, I’ve read books about how important it is that children are secure in their parents' love and fidelity to one another. I’ve known in some sort of cerebral way that it’s a “foundational issue” and “so fundamental” to a child’s security, etc. etc. But it’s really something else to actually live it with my own child. Especially given the fact that this calendar year hasn’t been the most “easy” and “intimate” and “connected” for Fred and me.

But grace remains and yes, of this I am sure ... what God has brought together, no man will separate. This I pray and this I believe, by faith, by grace, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
I hope that anyone reading this post knows my heart and knows that I surely don’t mean to imply that there isn’t the fullness of grace and forgiveness for people who have been through divorce. And I think single parents have the hardest job in the WORLD! And I am always striving to support the single parents in my life (and rally churches to do MORE for single parents because we surely don’t do enough).

Plus, I am trusting that anyone who has read this blog for any length of time KNOWS that I struggle with sin BIG TIME and I am keenly aware that left to my OWN devices? Of course I could imagine a scenario where I would divorce my husband or drive him away. But I am banking on God’s present means of grace to keep my marriage intact. His strength. His resources. For His glory. That’s my hope and confidence.

Just wanted to try to be clear. This is such an important and sensitive topic! I keep thinking that maybe I should just delete this post. Hmmmmmm .... maybe so. But I’ll leave it up for now. Sending you my love–tkb

Well. Tonight I did what I had always assumed one day I would do ...

I got so frustrated with Sophia that I was tempted to discipline her anger and instead, I asked her to leave the room.

It was only God’s grace that constrained and restrained me. Left to my own devices, I would have raised my voice. I would not have disciplined her, I would have just been mean to her.

I asked her to leave the room so that I could take a minute and pray. Read the Bible. And prepare my heart because surely in my frustration, I was not in the right frame of mind to love or lead her well.

This is what I read and prayed:

Israel the Lord’s Chosen

“But now hear, O Jacob my servant,
Israel whom I have chosen!
Thus says the Lord who made you,
who formed you from the womb and will help you:
Fear not, O Jacob my servant,
Jeshurun whom I have chosen.
For I will pour water on the thirsty land,
and streams on the dry ground;

I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring,
and my blessing on your descendants.
They shall spring up among the grass
like willows by flowing streams.

This one will say, ‘I am the Lord’s,’
another will call on the name of Jacob,
and another will write on his hand, ‘The Lord’s,’
and name himself by the name of Israel.”

Besides Me There Is No God
Thus says the Lord, the King of Israel
and his Redeemer, the Lord of hosts:
“I am the first and I am the last;
besides me there is no god.
Who is like me? Let him proclaim it.
Let him declare and set it before me,
since I appointed an ancient people.
Let them declare what is to come, and what will happen.

Fear not, nor be afraid;
have I not told you from of old and declared it?
And you are my witnesses!
Is there a God besides me?
There is no Rock; I know not any.” Isaiah 44:1-8

And then I went and met with my daughter.

Grace abounds to a big momma sinner and her little daughter sinner too.
Amen & amen.

G'nite,
Tara B.

After teaching at the men’s prayer breakfast this morning, our pastor (Jason Barrie) sent home with Fred one their family’s favorite books for our family to enjoy:

I’ll Love You Anyway and Always (by Bryan Chapell)

It’s a keeper! (Well, actually this copy is a loaner from the Barrie family. But the book itself, is GREAT! )

Thanks, Dr. Chapell, for the great kids book!
(And thanks for sharing, Pastor Jason.)

Love,
the Barthels

Sophie and I had a hard day yesterday. She suffered probably the worst physical pain of her young life. And I suffered because my daughter was screaming in misery and I was powerless to do anything other than hold her, comfort her, and pray for her.

It was a long, hard day and I was glad to come to the end of it.

Yet even then, in the darkness of her room, cuddled together in her bed, she was hurting. Tears stung her eyes. Her mind began to race. (Wonder where she gets that from? Probably laid-back Fred, eh? Yeah, right.) She began to fret. ("What if I NEVER stop feeling this way, Mom?" “What if I feel this bad EVERY day FOREVER?”)

And so I reminded her of many truths that I know she knows–but she needed a reminder. And so did I. I held my daughter close and told her:

- God loves you, Sophia. He is with you. God will never leave you nor forsake you. Nothing can take you away from His love. Nothing! When you are a sweet and generous child, He doesn’t love you more. And when you are a mean and selfish child, He doesn’t love you less. He loves you because of Jesus. He loves you because you are His.

- God wants to carry this load for you, Sophie. (At this, her eyes lit up! I saw a glimmer of hope spark deep inside of her.) Jesus said, “Come to me all ye who are weary and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn of me. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Jesus is your Good Shepherd. He carries your worry. He carries YOU. He leads you besides still waters. He makes you to lie down in peace. Don’t be afraid! Trust Him. Give Him your worries, Sophie. Pray and entrust your concerns to Him. He cares for you.

And then, my four year-old theologian reminded herself (and her Momma!) of the gospel when she said:

"Momma! God is not like a man standing far away, far off. He is my brother!"

Yes He is, Sophie. Yes, He is.

Transcendent and yet immanent.
Omnipotent and eternal–yet concerned with “little ol' me.”

"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him ..." (Psalm 8:1-4a)

Out of the mouth of babies and infants indeed.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15)

Thank You, Holy, Triune God!
Blessed Father
Indwelling Spirit
Savior and Brother, Jesus
Amen

And goodnight to all–

Yours,
Tara B.

The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation’s monthly newsletter was packed with lots of helpful information (I urge you to sign up for their publications!)–but my favorite was this article by Nina Campagna:

Yelling at My Kids

It is an excellent explanation and illustration of "The Three Trees"–far better than my sub-par teaching of The Three Trees in Canada this past week. (I just don’t think I explained it very well.)

(Oh–and Hi Reformed Canadian Teachers! It sure was an honor to be with you all. Thanks for the fellowship, interesting Q&A’s, and especially for allowing me to sing “O Canada!” with you. 'Twas grand.)

Hope you enjoy your day of rest tomorrow! I’m so happy that Sunday is almost here.

Yours from snowy Montana,
Tara B.

Fred is reading us The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe and we LOVE it!

I remember enjoying the books whenever I read them in my childhood/teens/young person years. But reading them with a FOUR YEAR OLD who is REALLY REALLY (REALLY!) into them? Well, I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. Plus, her spiritual insights are so edifying to me. I just marvel.

Last night the thing that cracked me up (in that heart-wrenching, makes you cry after you’ve been startled sort of way) was right when everyone had JUST discovered that Edmund was missing from Mr and Mrs Beaver’s home. At first Sophie thought he had been captured–but when she discovered that he had BETRAYED them all? That it was TREACHERY?! Well, Fred kept on reading for a few more lines, but Sophie had the strangest look on her face. And finally she could hold it in no longer and she just cried out,

"EDMUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND! Edmund!! Oh, Edmund!! You should just COME BACK and REPENT and CONFESS and BE FORGIVEN!! Have your painful consequence and BE DONE WITH IT!!"

Fred and I just looked at each other and looked at Sophie and then we talked about it as a family. How treacherous sin is. How sin brings more sin. How many people we hurt when we love our sin.

I think that’s why I’m enjoying this reading so much–because of the conversations we have the entire time we’re reading.

Like the one we had when the four children FIRST go into Narnia together and discover that Mr Tumnus has been taken by the white witch. They’re scared! But they know that the RIGHT thing to do is to continue on into Narnia to help the faun who had helped their youngest sister Lucy. And, in fact, it was LUCY was showed so much COURAGE when it came time to make a decision.

We stopped to talk about courage; and doing the right thing even when we are afraid; and how Jesus said that there is no greater love than this–that a man lay down his life for his friend. And in response, Sophia mentioned how special it is that it was LUCY who was so brave ...

"Because she’s the LITTLEST!"

That’s right, dear.

Even tiny children can do great things because they have a Great God Who most certainly is on the move!

(Oooh–that’s another reason why I love reading these books. Our family keeps adding words, phrases, and teaching points to our daily vocabulary. Like at the VERY end of our reading last night when we encouraged Sophie to keep the entire story arc in mind–how Aslan WILL prevail in the end; how evil WILL FAIL, etc. And she said, “Just like God sending a SEED to CRUSH SATAN’S HEAD. Aslan is going to CRUSH the white witch. That means that He will DESTROY her.” Yes. Yes, He will.)

It was hard to stop reading last night–one of the many blessings of us all being sick is getting to curl up together in bed and read and read. Sophie, in particular, had a hard time stopping. “Please keep reading! Tell me what happens! Does Edmund get turned into a statue?!” and we said she had to WAIT because that’s one of the joys of reading a book–it keeps leaving you long for MORE and you get to LOOK FORWARD to coming back to it.

Off into our day–
Making the most of being sick and glad it’s this weekend instead of next.

(Poor Fred is SO SICK. He’d be in BIG TROUBLE if it were the Peacemaker Conference weekend instead of the “I’ll bring you juice and tissues, here, watch some Cubs on your laptop” weekend.)

Happy Saturday to you and yours!

Love,
Tara B.

I had the movie Bella on today. (I would say that I watched Bella except that a lot of the time I was just lying in bed with my eyes closed to keep the room from spinning and listening to it. Worked OK for a lot of the movie, but I surely missed some of the nuances of the subtitled scenes that were in Spanish.)

Have you seen this movie? It is definitely worth watching. I don’t want to be a spoiler for you if you haven’t already watched it ... but suffice it to say that afterwards, you’ll definitely hold your children a little closer with even more gratitude to God for them. It is a powerful movie about suffering and forgiveness.

Sophie and I actually did pretty well during our day with me so sick. She is such a little trooper! Doing her little math worksheets. Listening to her history CD (and running up to excitedly tell me that the CD talked about “the unification of upper and lower Egypt by Pharaoh Menes just like her BOOK!!” ... I had to tell her how happy I was but how I, as a 38 year-old with two graduate degrees, had NO IDEA what that was talking about. She said not to worry because Mrs. Meyer would teach us everything we need to know about it when we got there in her history class. )

I did sit upright and hold her for most of her DVD of the Royal Ballet’s Sleeping Beauty. I couldn’t make it all the way through the wedding–but we thoroughly enjoyed the amazing music and ballet.

With her permission, I’ll share one story from our afternoon that might make you smile ...

She had done something wrong. Not a “big deal,” but she had been clearly disobedient and so I had to address it. At one point in our conversation, I asked her:

"Sophia, why did you disobey me right then? What was going on in your heart?"

And she replied, “Momma, I didn’t think that God was looking at my heart right then.”

So this led into a fruitful conversation about the goodness and sovereignty of God–as well as His omnipresence and omniscience, of course.

Mostly? It was a gentle rebuke of my own heart. How often I am prone to “think that God is not looking at my heart right then.” And how foolish I am to, in that moment, love my sin more than God and thus, be blind.

I’m so grateful for His grace!
And for my daughter.

She asked me tonight if I liked being a mother and I said, “No.” You should have seen her face in response! Well, just for the nanosecond it took me to finish my statement. Of course what I said was, “No. I don’t like being a mother. I LOVE being a mother. In particular, I love being YOUR mother.” And then she smiled. AND mentioned how she is praying that God will give us another baby so that she can be a big sister and help to take care of him or her. I said, “Yes! Let’s pray for a baby. But whether God says yes or no, let’s keep on loving God, OK? Because His ways, though often mysterious, are always good.” She agreed.

So Fred is at the banquet, and I’m washed up and ready to sleep. I hope I can sleep and not cough all night. I canceled everything we had scheduled tomorrow–so here’s to hoping for another good day with me pretty much immobile in bed.

I have so much to do before we leave for The Peacemaker Conference. Only twelve days left! How I pray that I turn the corner and get some energy soon.

G'nite & God bless!

Yours,
Tara B.

Tim Challies recently posted a link to an article by John Piper on how he handles spiritual training in the home. It’s worth the read! (I’m convicted.)

Last night, Sophia was struggling with guilt. Legitimate guilt, to be sure (for she had done something wrong). But forgiven guilt. Guilt that she had confessed to God and the person she had offended. Guilt that was covered. Forgiven. Dealt with.

We reviewed the Scriptures that we (so often!) review at times like this:

- “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness ...”

- “As far as the East is from the West, so far has Your God removed your sins from you ...”

- God promises to, “remember your sins NO MORE!”

But still she struggled.

Finally, she said, “Momma? Where do these voices come from inside of me? I KNOW all of those things you are saying are true, but I STILL feel so BAD!”

And so I reminded her that we have three enemies:

1. Satan ("The Devil?!" she asked. “Yes,” I replied. “The Devil. The Enemy of our Souls. He hates God and he hates us.” "But Jesus rules OVER Satan," Sophie replied. “Yes, He does, my darling! Yes, Jesus most definitely does.”)

2. The Old Man/Our Flesh (This took a little explanation. “What’s THAT?” Sophie asked. I told her, “You know how when God regenerates our hearts, we are JUSTIFIED?” "Yes! God forgives all our sins and accepts us as righteous through Christ," Sophie replied. “Yup! That’s justification. Well, do you also remember how, after we are justified, God SANCTIFIES us?” I asked her. “Yes. God makes us more and more holy in heart and conduct.” (Good ol' Catechism, I thought for the zillionth time.) “Sophie, the sin that remains in us; our temptations to doubt God or not love our neighbor or worship an idol ... that is all the OLD MAN. Our Flesh. Jesus is MAKING us more and more holy, but this Old Man remains until we are perfected in Heaven.” Sophie replied something to the effect of, “I can’t wait for Heaven! No more sin! No more spankings!” Right.)

3. The World/Other People. (I explained to Sophie how sometimes, even though we know the TRUTH that we are forgiven, other people or “the world” will still try to condemn us.)

But really? It is in THESE MOMENTS that the rubber hits the road of our Christianity. It is exactly in moments of temptation to despair just like THIS that we must BELIEVE THE TRUTH more than anything else. More than anything people say; more than that Old Man voice inside of us trying to condemn us; more than Satan.

We say, “Silence! No more with these lies! God says He has forgiven me. He HAS forgiven me. It is DONE. It is FINISHED.”

And do you know how Sophie replied? She sat there for a few minutes in her car seat, just thinking to herself, and then she said with an actual SMILE:

"Mom, I just had the BEST thought! I could picture all three of those things SO TINY and SO SMALL that they were like WORMS. And God is SO BIG. And now I don’t feel so bad any more."

This, of course, led into a great conversation about HOW BIG GOD ACTUALLY IS. (Made more fun by the fact that we were driving in the dark with gorgeous stars overhead and a brilliant half-moon shining. “God is even bigger than OUTER SPACE?!” "Yes, darling. EVEN BIGGER." “Even bigger than ...” "Yes. Yes. Our minds cannot conceive of the greatness and glory of God.")

Tucking her into bed, I believed everything I said to her. But after yet another difficult conversation with Fred; after yet another painfully lonely night; with more and more burdens crashing down on me even as I just wake up this morning and turn on my computer ...

Once again, here I sit, struggling to believe what I believe; to believe for MYSELF what I so heartily believe for Sophia. For others. For you.

Spurgeon says,

"We often talk of unbelief as if it were an affliction to be pitied instead of a crime to be condemned."

Eek! He’s right!

Please forgive my unbelief, God. Please forgive my treason against You! And please help me to change.

(He does! He does!)

"When a king (David) has lost his throne, when a father has his own child in rebellion against him, one says, “Whatever may have been his faults, this is not the time to mention them.” When the poor heart is bleeding and the man is already suffering the very extremity of misery, who would wish to add a single ounce to the crushing weight that he has to carry?" (Spurgeon)

"As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust." (Psalm 103:13)

Praying that you will believe God this morning–and NOT those three little enemy worms that might tempt you to doubt today.

Your bruised and tired, but pressing-on friend–
Tara B.

Barbara Curtis (MommyLife.net) just posted a GREAT link to sing-along songs for children:

Young and Young at Heart

I can’t wait to go through them all with Sophia. We sing CONSTANTLY around here and we LOVE the “oldies but goodies.”

Hope you enjoy!

And hope your Sunday is going well–

Yours,
Tara B.

Way back when (mid 70’s?) in the thriving metropolis of German Valley, Illinois (population right around 400), a sweet pastor’s wife by the name of Ruthann Poppen taught FTY ("Fred the Youngest" of the five Barthel brothers) a little song to memorize the order of the books of the Bible.

Thirty years later, Fred taught Sophie and me the song–and now we’re teaching it to the children in our church’s co-op.

I just You-Tubed a video of Soph singing it so that if the kids want to practice during the week they can–and I thought you might enjoy it too:



Hope you’re enjoying your Labor Day! We slept late, Lili and I took a long walk in misty rain (nice! we hardly EVER get rain around here!), did a puzzle, played a little violin, and now we’re all relaxing and enjoying a quiet afternoon.

Blessings to you & yours!
– Tara B.

Our family started reading the C.S. Lewis Chronicles of Narnia books today and when Tumnus (the faun / half man-half goat) was introduced, Sophie said:

“That’s like a Sphinx! Half-man / half-lion!”

I totally chuckled that she would draw that analogy because until I Googled it, I wasn’t even sure exactly what a Sphinx was. Ahhhh–just one of a million things that Sophie will teach me in life, I am sure.

Right now Fred and Sophie are knocking on all of the backs of all of our closets just in case.

Happily yours,
Tara B.

Sophie was SO excited to tell me something yesterday that she RAN into the kitchen and THREW her arms around me:

"Momma! Momma! Guess WHAT?!!

Emma and I were having a big fight and she said that I NEVER let her have a certain doll and that isn’t true and I was about to yell BACK at her ... but then I remembered, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.”

(Commercial break here from the Momma ... Thank you Susan Hunt and My ABC Bible Verses! We’re only one week into memorizing the verses–just up to “E"–and ALREADY our family is being SO blessed. OK, back to regularly scheduled Sophie programming ...)

”So instead of yelling, I quietly and sweetly said, “I’m sorry Emma. I should let you play with that dolly more. Will you please forgive me?”

And GUESS WHAT MOM?!? Emma FORGAVE me!! And we were reconciled and it really DID work–a gentle answer stopped the fight!"

Hooray! Hooray! It was the best part of my entire day yesterday.

Now ... if Fred and I can just turn the corner and start using a gentle answer in the fight we are CURRENTLY–yup, right now as I type this–in the middle of. (Fred wanted a little time to pray and try to understand his heart before we continue our, ummm, conversation.)

Hope your Saturday is a blessed one! Ours started out great ... we had a nice breakfast and rode our bikes down to the little Billings farmer’s market. But then I had to edit a certain project that has, well, consistently caused us all sorts of friction for MONTHS now and the fighting began. How I am praying for God’s help and grace for us! Oh oh oh–but these kind of things can feel SO impossible. But nothing is impossible for God, right?

Less of me. More of Christ. This, I pray.

Yours in the battle,
Tara B.

We had a great day!

It was our first time watching Trudy & Pastor Alfred’s grand-daughters–the sweetest and cutest little twins you’ve ever seen–and we had a wonderful day.

Sophie was a great helper, although (like all of us!), she did get a little tired mid-afternoon. We had a little cuddle-time and prayer-time and a pep-talk too–all about how we were there to serve and how service takes effort, etc. etc.

It’s now evening and the house is back in order. We’re heading toward bathtime and Bible/Catechism/Little House on the Prairie reading and cuddle time. Grace truly abounds.

Hope you’re all looking forward to a restful weekend!

Yours happily if exhaustedly,
Tara B.

Well, my week of having some focused time to work on this project is over. I’m officially back into my REAL “job” of wife-Tara and momma-Tara and I just have to say ... I’m so grateful!

Yes, I still have some writing for hire assignments I have to get to. I have events to prepare for and other non-domestic responsibilities that occasionally take me away from home. But most of my waking hours are spent serving Fred, Sophie, our families, our local church, and our local community. And I am so grateful!

This is a season of my life that I can only experience once–and it is a grace and a blessing (and a challenge!) to be a mother of a young child.

May God help me to serve well! (He does. He does.)

Happy Saturday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... nothing like looking through old blog archives to humble a person. (Man! I am SUCH a mess. But God is such a merciful and gracious God!)

And nothing like spending HOURS pouring over the gospel to encourage a person!

Yes, yes ... I had the blessed gift of another day to work on my potential project for toddlers/preschoolers and as I put away all of my books and Bibles at the end of the day, I couldn’t help but reflect again on:

A. How I have absolutely, FOR SURE, never had a unique thought in my life. Anything and everything that I have ever said in any context that was of any worth to the hearer is simply me restating what some wise person has already said (and undoubtedly said with greater pith and clarity); and

B. Susan Hunt is an author that you simply must not miss!

I’ve said it over and over again–but I must commend her books to you again because OH MY STARS! Susan Hunt is a fabulous writer and her grasp of the gospel and its application to real life is incredible. Especially for mothers!

After a day spent re-reading all of her books especially directed at children, I can honestly tell you that the only problem I had with any of them was the fact that I wanted our family to do ALL of them in our family devotions RIGHT NOW. They are just that good:

Big Truths for Little Kids

My ABC Bible Verses

Discovering Jesus in Genesis

Discovering Jesus in Exodus

And for edification and encouragement to press on in the battle? Especially those of us who are gearing up to teach children in our homes, classes, and youth ministries? Heirs of the Covenant is such a blessing!

Consider just one tiny snippet from this rich, gospel-saturated book:

"We like to run in packs. We like to have a buddy. We want to feel accepted by a group. This need has intensified today, and the church is capitalizing on it with a major emphasis on small groups, care groups, affinity groups, support groups, and any other kind of group that can be imagined. These attempts to meet felt needs are too often form without substance. They are based on our sinful need to “make me feel better” rather than on a holy desire to reflect my covenant relationship with the Lord God by loving my brothers and sisters the way our Father loves me.

The church should be zealous to create community among believers, but unless the members of the community understand that the covenant community was established by an act of God’s free grace and that their existence and purpose is about his glory and not their personal happiness, they will lack the substance to sustain the structures they put in place. If the groups are self-determined and self-focused, they will fizzle out when each individual’s needs are not met."

Preach it Mrs. Hunt! And thanks for your ministry for the Lord and His Bride! We are all the blessed recipients of your wisdom and grace.

Time for a little rest now!

G'nite and God bless–

Yours,
Tara B.

This could not have come at a better time (as I am supposed to work on my children’s material next week!):

Hermeneutics and Children’s Curriculum (by Professor John Walton)

Thanks for the link, Pastor Jollyblogger!

There is another great post over at Carolyn McCulley’s Radical Womanhood:

Don’t Waste Your Kids

She includes a link to a sermon that I’d like to give a listen to one of these days.

It was a particularly encouraging post to me tonight because I was recently reflecting on whether I am too strict with Sophia. Specifically, is it loving (of God & neighbor–my daughter) and wise to require her obedience as "right away, all the way, without delay and without complaint"? (i.e., Right actions with a grouchy heart? Not obedience. Slow, plodding, dragging feet actions? Not obedience. Cheerful & immediate = obedience.)

I believe it is loving and wise.

It is truly our conviction that in training Sophia to obey, we are not only helping to keep her safe from harm, but (hopefully!) helping her to come to the true heart conviction that there are blessings in obedience–but painful consequences in disobedience. (And we pray that as she grows, that lesson will transfer right on over to obeying the Lord!)

Plus ... wow! But I really enjoy the blessing of living in a house with a (mostly) cheerful, happy, fun, loving, not-whiny, immediately-obedient child.

But I know that I need to always be cautious and not expect too much (i.e., age inappropriate) of our little muffin tater-tot lovie-bug sweetheart. I am grateful for the counsel of Fred and our church leaders and friends to help in that regard.

Anyway–as always, Carolyn McCulley hits it out of the park with a great post and I encourage you to check it out.

On to cuddle bedtime!

G'nite,
Tara B.

Sophie and I were enjoying a lovely evening last night while Fred was away playing a game in our church’s softball league. We were just sitting down to the piano to sing our hymn (as a family, we are working on memorizing “Fairest Lord Jesus”), when (for some UNIMAGINABLE reason) she brought up THE PINK CAT.

Have I told you about this (I want to say STUPID–but I’m really trying to get that word OUT of my vocabulary; it is coarse and vulgar and really not appropriate) ... this ... this ... ANNOYING pink cat???

Years ago, someone gave Sophie a $.99 teeny tiny cheap-o no big deal stuffed pink cat toy. Sometime in the next year, in the course of our normal “box up some old toys and give them away” pattern of life, the pink cat was history. MONTHS after that, one day SOPHIE REALLY WANTED THAT PINK CAT. Not the yellow, gray, black, or white kitten toys she STILL had. Oh no. Not one of the ZILLION other stuffed animals she had. Nope.

She wanted the pink cat.
(Can you say MONSTER WANTED the pink cat?)

So lots of gospel, law, prayer, discipline, gospel, law, prayer, discipline later, we survived the initial onslaught of her adoration for the pink cat ... but every once in awhile, SHE BRINGS IT UP AGAIN. And now it has also become a temptation for ME because it is just SUCH an example of her lack of gratitude (for the zillion toys she DOES have) and her lack of contentment (for all of the blessings in her life).

SO ANYWAY ...

There’s the heat. Our hearts came squirting out all over the place. But then I had one of those parenting moments where I KNEW what I needed to say (I knew the truth), but I was not particularly FEELING it myself at the time ... so it was almost like I was floating over our conversation LISTENING to myself counsel my child, and, of course, counseling myself in the process.

Our conversation went something like this:

(formerly) Pink Cat-Obsessed Sophie: “I know I shouldn’t want the cat so much or talk about it so much. I’m sorry about that.”

(formerly) Grouchy ol' Momma Tara: “I know that your wanting the cat and bringing it up–AGAIN–is no excuse for me using a grouchy tone of voice with you. I’m sorry about that and I’m glad that we can forgive each other and be forgiven by God, too. Let’s pray now, honey.”

Soph: “I’m afraid to pray.”
Me: “Why, honey? What are you afraid of?”

Soph: “When I do bad things I feel all guilty and ashamed in my heart and I’m afraid to ask God to forgive me again.”

Me: “Yes, yes, I know what you mean. I sometimes feel like that too. But what is the TRUTH, Sophie? What does the Bible say?”

Sophia: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to purify us from all unrighteousness.”

Me: “That’s right, Sophie. That’s TRUTH. And although we may be tempted in life to live by our FEELINGS, we must, instead, put our stake in the ground on the TRUTH. Feelings change. They go up and down. Many times they are inaccurate. But God’s Word is True and we can trust that He really is Who He has said He is as revealed in the Bible.”

I was thinking afterwards, “Am I just the world’s biggest hypocrite to doubt the very words I am saying to my daughter AS I am saying them? Am I just such a fake? The worst Christian EVER?!”

OR ... do I actually BELIEVE them and KNOW them to be true, but do my emotions roll up and down, up and down (especially once a month!)?

Anyway ... we read our Little House on the Prairie, cuddled in, and went to sleep. Reconciled to God and each other–and hopefully never to talk about that pink cat again. (Yeah, right.)

Hope you have a great Friday! I’m watching kids again all day to help some friends–so I’m looking forward to a fun, but not very “productive” day.

Yours,
Tara B.

We’re having a fun day around these parts–hope you are too.

The kids took pretty much every pillow, cushion, and blanket we had and built a great fort this morning:



Totally reminded me of when my sister and I used to do the same. (Although Kali and I also used to do these amazing–to us at least–flying Nadia Comaneci leaps off of the couch INTO the forts, and I didn’t let Sophia and our friend do THAT.)

We also read another couple of chapters in our wonderful read-out-loud-only-when-our-friend-Ian-is-over book, “Three Tales of My Father’s Dragon.”



It’s a GREAT book to read out loud to children and I highly recommend it.

Both Sophia and our friend (who is a seven year-old boy) commented this morning on how this book is “SO FUN” and also how they BOTH really didn’t think it WOULD be any fun when I told them a few weeks ago that I would be reading it out loud to them every time Ian came for a visit (and ONLY when Ian is here).

Now we get to the end of a chapter and they BOTH ask for “Just one more chapter?! Please!” because it is so funny and interesting and we all really want to find out what happens NEXT.

(The mark of a great book, eh?)

Back to the happy chaos–

Your friend,
Tara B.

We really enjoyed a new toy this past weekend. (It was actually my birthday present from my sister. She asked me what I wanted and I gave her a list of super-cool educational toys that I wished I could buy for Sophia. )

It’s called Safari Undercover and it’s basically a big spatial reasoning puzzle. Sophia LOVED it and would’ve kept cranking through all of the (increasing) levels if we hadn’t reined her in:



If you have a logic-game addict kid like Soph, we highly recommend it.

Oh, and our other toy recommendation is, of course, a Golden Retriever who loves to play in water:



Hope you have a lovely Monday!

Your friend,
Tara B.

There are so many things that I can’t do–or I am simply unskilled at or ignorant of. This is especially true concerning domestic tasks like sewing, crocheting, knitting, etc.

I regularly try to introduce Sophia to women (and men) who are gifted in areas that I am weak and I explain to her that we are all good at some things and weak at others (that’s why we have the Body of Christ). But I also do try to (occasionally) tackle a new area and jump right in.

One of our little “playtime” crafts has done just that. It is a very simple needlecraft made especially for young children. We only tackle a few squares/lines at a time whenever Sophie gets the urge to “sew,” but it is a great exercise in concentration and fine motor skill control:



It’s also a nice thing to do as a whole family (while Dad catches up on the Chicago Cubs online):



Of course, I always tell her, “If Grandma Chris or Auntie Janet ever tell you, ‘No, that’s not the way you do it. Here, let me show you ..’ then she should LISTEN TO THEM!” Because I really don’t have a CLUE as to what I am doing.

(How you are supposed to tie off those yarns is a mystery to me! And is there a certain WAY you are supposed to go from one color to the next? I have no clue. But, it’s fun and Sophie likes to cuddle and do projects with me and I like to cuddle and do projects with Sophie, so we just keep on cruising along.)

Oh, and after a nice afternoon of needlepointing, we like to curl up with a Golden Retriever totally chewing on her bone on top of us, don’t you?



Hope your Sabbath is wonderful tomorrow! May God soften our hearts and give us ears to hear His Word, believe it, and obey.

Much love,
Tara B.

Sophie and I can’t stop singing the “5 A’s of Confession” song from The Peacemaker Clubs Vacation Bible School, so we thought we’d share it with you too:



It was so fun last night when Sophie made a confession to me and I could practically SEE the little wheels in her mind churning away as she processed the “5 A's” AND made a more thorough apology as a result.

Here is the video we made earlier in the week when the PUPPETS demonstrated an apology for us:



Thanks, Pastor Jeff Hamling, for creating such a wonderful resource to help children learn how to resolve conflict in a biblically-faithful, Christ-centered, redemptive manner!



Hooray for The Peacemaker Clubs!

With joy,
Tara B.

We’re having a wonderful time in Bozeman! Samara, Scout & William drove down from Helena and Sophia and I made it over the mountains (we were praying for our old Honda!) to meet them:



We stopped by The Peacemaker Clubs to learn more about how to make a “5 A’s Apology” – and have lots of fun with games, puppets & songs too! Pastor Jeff (the author of The Peacemaker Clubs) was even there:



Pizza, swimming, a few books, some Bible & cuddling & lots of giggles and we’re all heading to BED.

Hope you had a lovely day too!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Just in case you’d like to see The Peacemaker Clubs' “5 A’s of an Apology” in action (via puppets), I made a little video for you:

A woman shared with me some helpful criticism at my event last week. She said something to the effect of, “You make it sound as though a parent needs to train their children RIGHT AWAY (like AT BIRTH) about peacemaking / obedience, etc. OR ELSE IT’S TOO LATE.”

What a blessing it was to receive her observation! I want to be so careful in the future to do my best to avoid implying (or stating!) such a thing. Because I truly believe it is NOT true.

I say this based on the simple fact that, even when I have VERY LIMITED time with other children, I have found all of them (even the ones who are prone to be quite whiny, defiant, angry, and selfish/mean/quick to fight with other kids) to be QUICKLY RESPONSIVE to even the tiniest bit of instruction/training.

I simply explain the rules ("In our home, we use a gentle and respectful tone of voice. Whining or complaining is not allowed." or “Who is in charge? The grown-up! And who obeys? The children! And then what happens? BLESSINGS! But what if you do not obey? Painful consequences ... the playdate/zoo trip/outing is over and I will take you home.”) ... and then I enforce them. Every single time. I am consistent so they know that I mean what I say and I will follow through.

('Course, I’m quick to give mercy too! But you can only give mercy if the child knows that they deserve a painful consequence, right? Otherwise, it’s just blessing their sin–and I don’t want to do that! Eek! That’d be bad for them AND bad for me. As Sophie says, “If you blessed me when I sinned, Momma, then YOU would be sinning!” Right.)

Anyway ... even “starting later” (I haven’t been training these children from birth) and with very limited contact spread out over very sporadic time periods, these precious kids quickly learn to be cheerful, obedient, and sweet/happy (for the most part ). How much more so when we have the opportunity to actually PARENT and begin this “new way” (of training in peacemaking, obedience, respectful appeals, etc.) 24/7 in our own home?

As Ken Sande says, “It’s never too late to start doing the right thing.”

Sophia and I are BOTH much happier when God is most glorified in our hearts and home. (Good ol' Pastor Piper, right again! Our happiness and God’s glory really DO intersect. Of course, we don’t glorify God because He makes us happy. We glorify God because He’s God. But WHEN we glorify Him, we ARE happy.)

Sophia struggles with sin every day–just like me.
Sophia has painful consequences when she sins and blessings when she obeys–just like me.
She is desperate for the Savior–like me.
We need grace and truth. Gospel and law. Every day.
We need God.

How grateful I am that God condescends to love a sinner like me! (And my daughter too.)

So, to the unknown sister in Christ in Florida who wrote the note last week ... thanks for the criticism! (If you happen to be reading this blog.) Your words were aptly spoken and I truly appreciate them.

Happy, blessed Thursday to you all!

I have us all packed for our eleven day family adventure (including three days of teaching for me at an event!) in only two rollaboard carry-ons (plus our laptop bags & one Bitty Baby Bag). Am I bragging? Ahhh ... frequent flyer pride. It’s not a pretty sight.

Love ya,
Tara B.

Amy’s Humble Musings linked over to a great article on work-life balance on the “stuff Christians like” blog:

Margin or Life Balance (or whatever $3 will buy you!)

AND she linked to another fantastic article on the “Mommy Wars” and Romans 14 over at the “making home” blog:

Motherhood and the Difficult Wisdom of Romans 14

I encourage you to check them out! Definitely worth the read.

Recently, my friend and I had the privilege of sharing the gospel with a gentleman. The door was opened when my friend gently asked him the “typical” diagnostic/evangelistic question, “If you were to stand before God today and He were to ask you why He should let you into Heaven, how would you respond?”

I think it was because of this conversation that later in the week, as Sophia and I were snuggling away after our night-time routine (Bible reading, prayer, catechism, and a few books), that I asked her the same question.

I thought you might enjoy a little recap of our conversation. Plus, I wanted to make another shameless plug encouraging you to consider catechizing your children because WOW! I was so blessed and encouraged by our little chat.

Please note: I know that my daughter is very young (only 4!) and I in no way mean to imply that I know “for sure” that God has regenerated her heart. Only God can make her born again! But, as a momma who does pray in faith that my daughter is God’s covenant child and that all of the promises of God in Christ are YES for her ... I was blessed by our conversation. It went something like this:

Sophia, if you were to stand before God tonight and He were to ask you, “Why should I let you into Heaven?” How would you respond?
"I would say because you love me."

But Soph, what if God were to say, “I am holy! I am perfect! How can a Holy God like Me love a sinner like you?”
(She paused. Thought a moment. And then responded ...)
"Because Christ died for my sins and You accept me as righteous through Christ."

So, how then can you be saved?
"By the Lord Jesus Christ through the covenant of grace."

I thought, “Good answer!” And then I thought, “Thank You God, for the catechism!”

I am often a very lazy and undisciplined mother. God is growing me in this regard, but I am very prone to sloth. I am. It’s a sin and I am not proud of it.

But even with my propensity to be very lazy, doing just a few catechism questions every single day is quite doable. We have this little $1.25/ea booklet in our family Bible downstairs and by our night-time cuddle/reading location upstairs:



But you don’t even have to spend $1.25! The questions (in a slightly different format) are available for free online.

Yes, I know that knowledge doesn’t save us! Only God can change a sinner’s heart. But it is such a wonderful thing to be able to walk through all of life with a vocabulary about these important matters. And I love seeing my daughter wrestle with “big truths” just in the dailyness of living life.

SO ... shameless plug for catechism is over. I hope that you have a wonderful Saturday! I am still in Colorado, about to teach my final retreat session.

Thanks for all of the happy birthday wishes for Fred and me! How fun that so many of you have June birthdays too! Happy, blessed birthday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

If you know me at all, you KNOW that I am SO not crafty. But I do try!

And I have been very blessed by friends who help me to learn about interesting and enjoyable things that even I can do with Sophia.

(Thank God for Samara and her beads & glue guns & all things ART!)

One thing we really enjoy is PAINTING SUNCATCHERS:



A friend told me about these inexpensive little craft projects (that you can get at Hobby Lobby or Michael’s) and initially I was SCARED, but really? It just easy, quiet FUN.

This weekend, Sophie “graduated” to a REAL glass version (that I had found on clearance) and the result was really quite lovely:



We also really enjoy the “klutz” books and today she was ensorceled by a wonderful "stained glass" marker coloring book:





I had initially thought that the teeny-tiny little detail work might be a bit beyond her, but she LOVED it. So I wanted to be sure to tell you about it just in case you have any detail-oriented kids who like to do projects.

We had some Christopher Parkening playing in the background and Sophie kept making a four-year old humor joke about how it was Christopher ROBBIN (hah hah hah HAH!).

I’m off to clean the bathroom closet now (while an episode of “House MD” plays in my portable DVD player). It’s my last pocket of resistance to tackle for the weekend of making some order out of the chaos in our home.

G'nite and God bless!

Yours,
Tara B.

Such a gift, this little love-bug is!





Thank You, God, for Sophia Grace.

Love,
Momma Tara

Well ... Pastor Jason and I wrapped up our mediation yesterday morning and headed home through the scenic views of Montana. It really is a stunning state. And WOW! But there are SO FEW PEOPLE here.

My little Chicago heart still marvels at how many hours you can drive without ever coming across, oh, say, a TOWN or ... houses, stores, gas stations, etc. Just grasslands and mountains and rocks and animals. It’s really quite something. Very beautiful, this Western-scape.

And very beautiful to be home with Fred and Sophie. We were all tired, but it was a sweet night.

A dear friend had helped me by doing some CLEANING during the day, so I could come home to CLEAN SHEET DAY and a de-dog-hair-ified and dust-free home. (Grace!) This was a particular blessing to me because it really had been a LONG time since I had been able to really clean my own home–and you know how it’s hard to come home to a dirty home, don’t you?

I LOVED cuddling with Soph while Fred read our Psalm for the night. And I loved climbing into bed with her and snuggling in tight–because I was SOOOOO ready to sleep at HER bedtime. No chance I could make it to the grownup time.

You know, I think I was as tired as I’ve been in months–I don’t even remember Fred coming to bed and moving Sophie over to her own bed. Thank God for sleep.

The only hard part of my day was a little wave of ... ummmmm, I don’t even know what word to say .... Fear? Worry? Frustration? Annoyance? re: some relational things in my own life. Sometimes, relationships are JUST HARD. And (especially when I am exhausted!) I can be SO tempted to just want to PULL AWAY.

That’s how I felt yesterday. Something is difficult. It’s hard to relate with certain people. I feel uncomfortable and it’s unpleasant. SO MY TENDENCY IS TO WANT TO RUN AWAY. But if I can just remember that 1) it’s never a good idea to make big decisions when you feel like CRYING because you’re exhausted and hormonal; and 2) there is NO perfect place (i.e., it’s not like I can run AWAY from these hard relationships TO “easy” relationships! NO WAY! Every relationship is hard at times. Every. The relational grass is not greener on the other side of the fence!!)

So persevere, Tara. OR ... even better ... SLEEP. And THEN persevere.
And so I did.

Ahhhhhh ... life as a wife, mother, and church member. My “real job.” It’s a hard one, eh?
BUT A GOOD ONE.
A GREAT one.
A blessing and a gift.

Hope your Friday is a delight! I have to get our mediation summary done this morning and sent off–I’ve been up since 5AM working on it–but other than that, I’m in HANG OUT WITH SOPHIE and TRY TO BE A BLESSING TO FRED mode. Hooray!

Much love to you and yours,
Tara B.

PS
Our little “pre-K” Phonics class did their “Final Silent E Rules” chant on the last day of co-op and I thought you might enjoy seeing a peek into what my “real job” actually looks like. There are the women and children I spend the most time with at my church. Dear (brilliant!) Mrs. L. was their phonics teacher this year. She is also the elder’s wife that I speak of often in my teaching because she has so wisely counseled and encouraged me over the years.

We just returned from the memorial service for Captain Andrew R. Pearson, a Billings resident who was killed in Iraq on April 30. He left behind a wife, four children, and a grateful nation.

I asked Sophia, “Why do we honor this man and his family?” And she replied:

"Because he was brave for the United States of America and he fought in the war in 'Rack so that we can be free. And that means that we can go to church and love Jesus–because in some countries, the bad men don’t allow you to go to church. But we are free because people died so that we can be free.

And we want to say thank you to his family and pray for them. I think I’ll pray right now."

And she did.

Today’s RZIM devotional was particularly on-point for our family given a little situation that arose last night …

The “Slice of Infinity” devotional was on the topic of death. The author, J.M. Njoroge, wrote:

“In spite of the proverbial certainty of death and taxes, the human psyche has always dreamed of discovering loopholes in whatever mechanisms fix the limits. Yet though it might be possible to cheat on one’s taxes, “cheating death” remains a phrase of wishful-thinking applied to incidences of short-lived victories against our own mortality. Eventually, death honors its ignominious appointment with all of us, calling the bluff of the temptation to believe that we are the masters of our own destiny. But despite the universal, empirical verification of its indiscriminate efficiency, we continue to be constantly surprised whenever death strikes. Only a painfully troubled life can be so thoroughly desensitized against its ugliness as to not experience the throbbing agony of the void it creates within us whenever the earthly journey of a loved one comes to an end.

Such a peculiar reaction to an otherwise commonplace occurrence points strongly to the fact that this world is not our home. As Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us, God has put eternity in our hearts, and therefore the mysterious notion that we are not meant to die is no mere pipe dream: it sounds a clarion call to the eternal destiny of our souls.”

(I encourage you to read the rest of his essay at the RZIM website.)

This topic was timely for us as a family because as we were all cuddling (happily squished together!) in Sophie’s little bed at the end of the day, Sophie challenged me with a statement that I assume every mother has heard at some point:

“You will NEVER leave me, RIGHT MOMMA?!”

It was late, I still needed to pack, and I didn’t REALLY want to tackle such a meaty topic with my inquisitive four-year old, so I tried to deflect:

“I LOVE you, Sophie!”

She was undeterred.

“You will NEVER leave me, RIGHT Momma?! You will ALWAYS be here with me, RIGHT?!?”

She persisted even after a few more rounds of my “I LOVE you, Sophie!” responses, and finally escalated to what she was REALLY thinking about:

“Daddy will die first, right? And THEN you, right Mom? And that won’t be for a long time … RIGHT MOMMA?!?!”

So, of course, I told her the truth: “Sophie, I have no idea when I am going to die or daddy is going to die or you are going to die. BUT THIS I KNOW … we will ALL be OK. We will live together FOREVER in Heaven. God will always take care of us and we don’t have to worry about this at all. I PROMISE you, you will be OK, dear. You will be loved and taken care of and SAFE. For sure. 100%. I promise it.”

Still … her little heart and mind were rolling right along. I could almost see the gears churning away and I waited, wondering if, like the good little lawyer-in-training that she is, she’d follow-up with the question that REALLY needed answering. She did.

“BUT MOM! Who would take care of me if BOTH you and daddy die?!”

And so I told her. “You would go and live with our friends, Mr. and Mrs. Z. and their three boys. They would love you as their own daughter and you would have three brothers who would become your bestest friends. You would have a safe, happy home. You would still get to see all of your beloved grandparents and aunties and uncles and cousins. You would keep learning and growing; you would have a new church and violin teacher and you would be safe and LOVED, honey. I promise it.”

I kept it simple and encouraged her to not dwell on such things because really? We all may live long lives together and daddy and I may be there at her wedding and when her first child is born and we become grandparents, etc. etc.

Still … tears were silently coming down my cheeks just thinking about it all.

Reflecting on all of this on my second of three flights today, I was grateful for many things:

- that we had a will and our guardianship was set (AND that our family members and church leaders know about our will and guardianship directives and support our decisions)
- that we have such dear friends who would be willing to take in our daughter as their own and raise her in Christ with devotion, delight, and faithful love
- that no matter what the future brings, we have had the JOY of four years with this little lamb. I just love her so much!

I guess it’s the estate planning attorney in me that wanted to share all this with you and encourage (beg?!) you all to please make sure your estate planning is SET … especially if you have minor children.

Life is so short! I pray that we will live wisely and that our greatest passion in life will always be for something much bigger than our temporary pleasures. May our hearts will be FIXED on eternity to come! Our True Home.

With love from Momma Lawyer—
Tara B.

This morning in our little Bible & prayer time, Sophie asked me WHY I have her start her prayers by praying back God’s attributes. And this is how I replied:

"Sophie, if we’re not careful, it can be easy for our prayers to be filled with only REQUESTS of God (asking Him for something) and thanks to God for the BLESSINGS He gives us (nice things, presents, friends, etc.)

But the truth is that the BEST blessing God gives us is HIMSELF. And so we thank Him for just being Him. And we praise Him for His attributes–the things that make God God. Because there is no one and nothing in all the world like God."

'Course, as I said the words to Sophia Grace, I was listening in myself and thinking, “Hmmmmmm. Good reminder, Momma Tara. Best be thinking about that with your own prayers too.”

Ahhhh, motherhood. One big ol' sinner helping a little sinner to lay hold of Christ. (HT to Dr. Doriani for that paraphrase.)

Fred & Sophie are making us pancakes, so I’d better scoot.

Blessings,
Tara B.

Still stealing the “quote of the day” idea from PalmTreePundit AND (as often is the case), using HER quote too:

"A shorter way of saying it is the way my mother has always said it: Life is a series of adjustments."

Don’t you want to read the LONGER way too? It’s SO worth your time.

Thanks, Anne! You bless us all.

Happy Saturday!

Yours,
Tara B.

(Couldn’t just leave this in a comment from our dear PeaceGals moderator, Ruth! She is so wise.)

Dear Momma Tara,

In all the repetitive necessities of motherhood, prepare yourself! You will need to memorize and take to heart these things you’ve told Sophie for you will for years to come say these things again! (and again!)

This constant attempt at self-righteousness and measuring up that came to us from the first Adam indwells our dear children also. You’re catching it early. It took me a long time to see myself in my son’s total exasperation and even meltdowns at the tiniest hint of failure on the first attempt at a skill, any skill. Oh we have wrestled since then and guess what? The Gospel wins the day. But its repetition is required.

Would that we all never grew weary of that life-giving repetition of the gospel. So here’s praying that you…and I will repeat this same gospel to ourselves as we repeat it to our ever-learning children with patience, clarity, and hope.

Grace and peace,
Ruth

Amen! And thanks, Ruth. I love you!
– t

In just the last few weeks, Sophia’s violin instructor has begun to move her from the “purely by ear” Suzuki method to some basic note reading.

It has been SO fun to see her little brain make the connections between the note on the paper, the note she makes with her violin, AND the note she plays on the piano too. (She’s not taking piano lessons or anything–but she just likes to pluck out melodies and play around and have fun on the piano.)

ANYWAY ... this morning, as we were playing some note reading & rhythm lessons, out of the blue, she just started to have a grumpy, grouchy attitude ... putting her head down, using a rude tone with me, being exasperated, etc. This really frustrated ME and I was tempted to respond with a grouchy tone myself.

But here is grace for the day! Instead (even though I WAS really frustrated/mad), I put her violin away and asked her to come and sit with me on the chair. She was still pretty sullen and my heart wasn’t exactly cheerful.

So the first thing I did was pray–thanking God for His mercies and asking God for His help.

THEN, I asked Sophia if she could please help me to understand why she was suddenly acting so grouchy/mad. She said that she feels TERRIBLE when she, “does something BAD.”

So I asked her if she thought she was doing something BAD when she MADE MISTAKES (played the wrong note / couldn’t quite get the right rhythm) and she said YES.

Oh oh oh! My Momma heart was filled with mercy and suddenly, I wasn’t angry any more.

"Sophie," I explained, “When you make a mistake playing your violin music, you are NOT doing something BAD. You are simply LEARNING. No one can do EVERYTHING PERFECTLY the first time. The way we learn is by trying our best, making lots of mistakes, persevering and trying again. Over time, we LEARN. And then things that USED TO BE so hard for us, aren’t any more.”

“Did you know that daddy wasn’t ALWAYS so good at math?” I asked.
“Really?” her eyes lit up.
“Really! It’s true. When daddy was a little boy, he had to learn math little by little. He made lots of mistakes, but he kept trying. And over time, he became good at math.”

“EVERYONE has to make lots of mistakes in order to learn, Soph. And making mistakes is NOT bad. However, when you use a disrespectful tone of voice with me; hang you head and drop your bow and stomp your feet ... THAT is having a little tantrum and THAT IS bad. But making mistakes isn’t bad–it’s just how we learn.”

I can’t tell you just how much her countenance changed! Suddenly she was our happy, cheerful little girl again.

Oh! How grateful I am that God helped me to SLOW DOWN and PRAY and TALK with her–to better understand what she was thinking and feeling. Those pesky ol' CLARIFYING QUESTIONS that we use so often in Christian conciliation (mediation and arbitration) cases really do help.

That reminds me of another story I’ve been meaning to tell you ... but this post is already getting too long, so I’ll sign off for now.

I pray that even this very day, you are resting in God’s grace and remembering that His mercies truly are new each day.

Happy Thursday!

Yours,
Tara B.

BTW–I’m SO sorry that I haven’t been able yet to email all of you lovely Florida ladies my “thanks for the nice event” email. That “no laptop on five hours of flights” thing last weekend has really thrown me off schedule-wise.

I DID, however, send out all of the “to ship” orders from your event ... so hopefully you will all receive those relatively soon.

Hope your week is going great!

Sophie and I had such a nice, slow, relaxed morning. Lots of extra time to read in the Bible–and she just couldn’t contain herself when we “happened to” be reading about Palm Sunday in our gospel reading because our little “kids choir” for Palm Sunday and Easter is singing "Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna to the King!" She thought it was pretty great that it’s actually IN the REAL Bible and it REALLY happened in HISTORY. Cool!

She was also very encouraging and extra sweet when she thanked God again for his attribute of being “a shield around us.” She said that TENS OF THOUSANDS of “eMenies” surrounded King David, but he wasn’t afraid. Because God was bigger still. A good reminder.

I’m off to pack for Virginia now–
(Wheeeeeesh! I really can’t keep straight what time zone I’m in these days.)

Happy, blessed Wednesday to you!

Love,
Tara B.

PS
Daddy wears a hat on Saturday errands ... so I wear a hat on Saturday errands:



TOTALLY reminds me of when I used to put a “man's” handkerchief and comb and old wallet in my back pocket and follow me dad around like a little lost puppy (circa 1975). Girls and their daddies, eh?

A great read by Noel Piper (John Piper’s wife) over at DesiringGod.org:

The Family: Together In God’s Presence

(HT Pastor Anyabwile over at PureChurch!)

Our church doesn’t offer a “children’s church” and nursery care is only available for children under the age of two. Since our services go for at LEAST 90 minutes (and sometimes an hour and 45 minutes), I have “had to” learn how to have a child in church. But I don’t mind–I actually like it. I think we would have Sophia with us in the service even if we had the option of not.

But I’m convicted by what Mrs. Piper said about taking notes during the sermon! Eek! We’re a “bring a bag of books” kind of family. Maybe this is something Fred and I should discuss and possibly transition to.

ANYWAY ... I have very godly, wise, incredible-parent-friends who STRONGLY disagree with all of this and truly believe that “children’s church” is the better path. It’s a wisdom call, eh?!

Hope you enjoy the article, though. I definitely found it worth the read.

Happy Wednesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

We had a great Sabbath today. It was a joy to be at Pastor Jason’s Grace-Based Marriage Sunday School Class. Corporate worship was wonderful–it is always so good to be called to worship, have the privilege of praying corporately, and be fed by the Word as it is both read and preached to us.

And a great afternoon followed a great morning ... we had a yummy meal, got to take a nap (!), spent time reading, singing, playing the piano; we laughed and laughed as we watched the kids choir practice for Easter; we even got Sophie’s Easter dress & hat & purse (still tracking down the little white gloves); ... and Sophie even got to stay up LATE as we donned our matching aprons and made some chocolate chip cookies (yum!) and had warm cookies and a big glass of cold milk after bath time.

So I was feeling pretty loved and domestic-diva-Tara-y at the end of the day as Soph and I cuddled in our chair doing catechism, reading the Bible, and then, finally, just lying there snuggling.

UNTIL.
UNTIL (!!)

Soph said this:

"Can I go cuddle with Daddy?"

Ouch.
Double ouch.

Yes, yes, rationally, it’s stupid to feel insulted or rejected by your four year-old asking to go cuddle with Daddy.

But I had been missing her over the weekend ...
and then I had put aside my NATURAL inclination to unpack, get organized, get orders ready, prep to turn around for Florida in TWO DAYS ...
so that I could, you know, try to serve and ENJOY my husband and my daughter.

("Like I’m SUPPOSED to do!!" yells some condemning voice inside of my head and heart.)

But there is grace for these moments, eh?

I did give Sophie to Fred (on the bed) and I said that her words made me feel sad and I left the room to try to figure out what I was feeling, think it through, pray, and prepare to talk with her about it.

I did feel sad. But I also wanted to HELP SOPHIE because I’m SURE she didn’t MEAN to hurt me. She just saw daddy on the bed and thought, “Cuddle with Daddy!” (And hey! Who wouldn’t want that?!? She’s a smart kid and she knows what’s GOOD in life. And cuddling with Fred is DEFINITELY the good stuff in life.)

So I prayed.
And I could hear Fred talking with Sophie too.
And I came back to them both and we talked as a family.

- We helped Sophie to understand that when she just asked to cuddle with daddy without saying anything loving or grateful to mommy–especially after all of the special things mommy had done to bless Sophie that day, it was hurtful to mommy.

- We asked Sophie what SHE had been thinking and feeling and she admitted that she didn’t MEAN to hurt me. That all she was thinking about was that it would be nice to cuddle with daddy. And REALLY, if she had thought about it a little more, what she REALLY wanted was to cuddle with BOTH OF US. Family cuddle. With Lili’s nose over the edge of our bed. (That really IS the best!)

- Fred reminded her of Proverbs 12:18 ("Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing") and explained how even though she didn’t MEAN to hurt me, her words were reckless because she was thoughtless ... she didn’t STOP and THINK before she spoke.

- Sophie asked me to forgive her (which I did). And she asked if we could all cuddle as a family (which we did).

And I asked her permission to share this story with you, because, well, I’m guessing that sometimes your kids hurt you too. And certain days? We can be more easily hurt than others.

But there is always grace for the day!
Grace for the moment!

Grace makes a way so that I didn’t have to be “wounded” by Sophie and she didn’t have to be left feeling “trapped” in her sin or estranged from me.

We could both grow and repent and love and forgive. Because that’s what people do in relationships. Well, that’s what people do in relationships that they don’t want to become embittered and miserable and distant.

Grace to you!
Grace upon grace!

"What God ordains is always good:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me in his own right way,
And never will he leave me.

I take content what he has sent;
His hand that sends me sadness
Will turn my life to gladness."

Sweet dreams, my friends!

With love,
Tara B.

I’m listening to Sara Groves en route to Kansas—thanks to everyone who encouraged me to try her out! (And another HT to RadicalWomanhood for initially pointing me in her direction. You know, I have never read anything from RadicalWomanhood that hasn’t blessed, challenged, encouraged, rebuked, comforted … BLESSED me. Thank God for Carolyn McCulley!)

Speaking of …

Did you read her post yesterday? I CRINGED. I gasped. I got scary goose bumps from my neck to the tips of my fingers as I thought of the HORRIBLENESS of watching my newborn / toddler grow up OVER THE INTERNET because I was tied to my computer/job and away from her for ten hours a day.

Oh, but for the grace of God … that WOULD’VE been ME!! I could’ve SO EASILY been caught up in the golden handcuffs of practicing law fulltime, rushing for the next career level/salary goal, bigger house, FOUR DOOR CAR (still a temptation ).

But … honestly? The part that made me FREAK OUT wasn’t that it WASN’T me; it was the extent to which it IS me. Right now. Today.

Not so much the “watching a YouTube of the variety show because I am out of town” stuff. I really have a sweet quietness and confidence regarding when I travel to serve—Fred, Sophie and I really talk and pray about these opportunities. We share openly about how we prefer to be together, but how it is good to serve even when serving entails sacrifice. So although I may be tempted (at times) to cringe as I miss a violin hoe down or ballet recital, I know that those things are just part of our season of life right now.

But I was goosebumped and teary-eyed as I thought of all of the “normal” times that I am AT HOME but either rushing around paying bills, straightening the bathroom shelves, doing laundry, staying on top of emails and organizing paperwork (all good things, of course!) … but how much time I am HOME with Sophie and yet not truly PRESENT with her!

(Please don’t misunderstand me … I know that a home is not to be child-centered. And it’s great that Sophie can self-entertain for hours and doesn’t “need” parental distraction to be happy. But but but … how much do I just SLOW DOWN and ENJOY her? Help her? Train her?)

I really could not IMAGINE any other response to Carolyn’s post yesterday other than to PRAY (“Please, God, help me to make the main thing the main thing in my day. Please help me to NOT let the urgent crowd out the important!”) and then to get down on the floor with Soph and do some mosaics, color, play math/reading games, and DANCE DANCE DANCE. Oh, that kid can dance! She’s so dramatic—it’s a stitch.

(Interspersed with packing for this trip? Sure. Cleaning and emailing? A little bit, yes. Such is the life of a mom.)

But I was much more intentional with Sophie yesterday thanks to YOU, Carolyn, and your continued ministry through your blog. Thank you!

And thank You, God, for the privilege of being Momma to a loving child who rushes down the stairs to the backdoor when Lili rings to go out (“Coming, Lili! Coming, sweetheart! Here you go, little Arfie.”); who squeals when Fred’s truck pulls into the driveway (“Dadddddddeeeeeeee! Daddy’s home!”); who likes to hold my hand when we drive (one of the benefits of having a compact car … we can reach even when she’s in the back seat in her carseat ); who loves to “shnuggle-b’duggle” and fall asleep in my arms during small group.

Please, Lord, please help me to be diligent in my primary duties to serve You, Fred, Sophie, and our church. For Your glory. In gratitude for how You made me and always take care of me. Amen.

Blessed Thursday to you!

With love,
Tara B.

For two days running, Sophie has made the same observation during our Bible reading time:

"That’s just like my catechism, Momma!"

Yesterday we were reading about God’s creation and how He cares for all He has made. Sophie said, “That’s just like the question ‘Who made you?’ 'God!'”

Spot on, dear four year-old!

And today our psalm talked about “Who among the gods is like You, O Lord?” And Soph said, “That reminds me of the question, ‘Is there more than One True God?’ 'No! There is only ONE True God.'”

Spot on, again, lovie-bear!

I told her that is EXACTLY why we do catechism with her every day ... so that she can learn and remember these important truths as revealed in Holy Scripture.

(I just didn’t expect her to start making these conclusions and analogies already! I figured we’d be in “just memorize it” mode for a long time yet. But no! Little paths of “Ah-hah’s!” are showing up in her preschooler brain–and hopefully HEART.)

SO great!
I LOVE catechism!



Happy Tuesday–
Tara B.

I’ve mentioned the Kids' “First Catechism” a lot and I just wanted to post a link so that you can find it easily:



Just click on: First Catechism and then search for “First Catechism” and it’ll come right up.

We LOVE doing the catechism with Sophia. Please let me know if you start catechizing your kids and how you like it!

Happy Saturday!
– Tara B.

Sophie and I had a great morning ... she’s actually getting this violin thing down now, so that’s very fun. And we’re in a groove now with our little post-breakfast cuddles and Bible / catechism / prayer / Sophie reading out loud / math & logic / violin routine. So that’s all fine.

BUT ... after her little ballet class, we BOTH began a little downward spiral dance of sin and grouchiness.

She was selfish. I was grouchy. She became disobedient and earned herself a painful consequence. I was more grouchy. She began to throw a little fit and earn herself an even MORE painful consequence. I was, of course, even more grouchy.

It was not a good time.

But then I remembered something that a friend told me once about how, as he reflects on his parenting of young children, he wishes he had been more MERCIFUL.

And so I thought, “Hey! Why not try mercy?”

So I pulled Sophie to me, cuddled with her, and said, “Why don’t we PRAY.”

It wasn’t some sort of Hallmark moment, however, because her FIRST reply was how she DID want mercy but that we DIDN’T need to pray because we had ALREADY prayed about all this. (When she confessed and we were reconciled ... but we were both still pretty grouchy and she had more painful consequences to come.)

SO ... I gritted my teeth and said:

"I’m not saying we have to pray so that you can confess again, Soph. Yes, you are right that you don’t have to confess again. That’s all been dealt with. But we can ALL always use prayer. Let’s pray and ask God to help us BOTH to turn a corner here and head into the rest of our days with happy and grateful hearts. OK?"

She agreed that might be wise. And so we prayed.

And then we even braved a BIG OL' trip to Costco!
And it went well.

She was happy and cheerful. I wasn’t grouchy ol' Momma.
And now we’re home.

I’m very grateful that God helped me to give her mercy AND to remember the mercy that was toward ME as well.

Happy Friday, all!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... it’s been a few months since it happened ... but I wanted to wait to ask Sophie for permission to share this story because I wanted her to KNOW and be ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENT that she was and is totally 100% forgiven.

I just asked her and we talked about it and she said,

"You can share about that, Mom, so that other moms and kids can be encouraged that they can really be forgiven because of Jesus."

So here goes ...

A few weeks ago, during a playdate with one of her FAVORITE friends in the WORLD, Sophie hit her.

Now ... this is not normal in our household. As far as I know, she has never hit anyone else. It’s just not one of the things that she struggles with (although she struggles with LOTS of sins of course).

As SOON as she did it, she started saying, “I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY!” and she grabbed her friend and tried to hug her. And then she RAN AWAY AND HID because she knew that what did was really, really bad.

"I struck her in anger, Momma," she said to me.

(She even scratched her friend a little a drew a TINY amount of blood. It really was not a great moment.)

Graciously, after Sophie confessed ... her little friend QUICKLY forgave her.

AND graciously, MY friend (the mother of the victim) ministered SO MUCH kindness to Sophie and to me when she came to pick up her daughter at the end of the playdate:

- “No worries, Tara. This kind of thing happens among kids. We’re not worried about it.”

- “My daughter can be VERY provoking. I’m sure she’s not without some contribution in the whole thing.”

- “You know, our son went through a season of really struggling with hitting. It was a hard time and we can really relate.”

- “Does SOPHIE know she is FORGIVEN? I’d better run upstairs and check on her and make sure she knows that I’m not mad at her.”

You know, I just can’t IMAGINE raising children with friends who weren’t aware of their own sin (and the sins of their children) and who weren’t SO QUICK to be SO GRACIOUS and forgiving too.

Parenting is just too hard anyway ... I just couldn’t bear it if I were surrounded my moms who viewed it as a competitive sport.

(Thanks, friend of the victim! )

And thank You, God, for grace in parenting.

Aren’t you looking forward to corporate worship tomorrow? Ahhhh ... the Sabbath. Another grace.

Talk with you soon–

Yours,
Tara B.

This evening as I cleaned up the dinner dishes and did that “walk around the house putting things back into the places they belong” Tara-thing, Sophie asked me:

"Will you ALWAYS have to work, Momma?"

Not knowing whether she meant TODAY or THIS WEEK or whatever, I asked her to clarify her question. So then she said:

"Will you have to work right up until Heaven?"

Good question, I thought. And the answer is probably–YES.

Work is good. We are called to work–it’s not a curse to work. Thorns are a curse, yes. And lots of work is unpleasant, sure.

But honestly? A lot of my current “work” is actually quite enjoyable–reading books and being read to by a sweet four year-old; feeding and grooming a gentle Golden; praying for and encouraging the world’s kindest husband, etc. etc.

I have such an “easy” life–and yet, so often I am tempted to frustration, fear, or even ingratitude.

It really is such a drag to look deep within and see such an anxious heart.
I should be singing songs of gladness every moment of EVERY day!
God has blessed me beyond what I could EVER imagine.

And yet ... and yet ...

It’s SO easy (still) to feel like there is just no place for me in the world.

It’s SO hard (still) to sit in a room, say, hypothetically, at a flock gathering New Year’s Eve Party–and not feel like a total idiot (either not talking enough or talking too much; trying to visit with people and feeling stupid; trying to not be an overprotective/hovering mother but also trying to not be disinterested and unattached to what my daughter is doing).

I like doing my job–and I dread it.
I love being a mom–but I sure don’t feel any confidence in how I’m doing.

I THINK we’re doing OK and things will be OK–but then ... I’m always waiting for the axe to fall. I’m waiting to be rejected and put out by my church leaders. I’m waiting to be rejected and put out by people who claimed to be my friends. I just have no calm confidence or assurance. None.

Pretty despairing, eh?

O! Who will save me from myself?

Thanks be to God–in Christ–Who DOES give me the victory of my sin and Who IS giving me the victory over my sin, selfishness, self-centeredness, unbelief, and lack of love.

“Get your eyes off of yourself, Tara! Stop being so introspective! Get to work! If you were doing half of your duties you wouldn’t have TIME to be such a whiner.”

("Oh, and God loves you. You’re going to be OK. Though Father and Mother reject you, God will never reject you. Even if you never ever fit in anywhere else–you do fit in with God. You forget God all the time, but He NEVER forgets you. Hang in there. This is life nothing but a constant death–but it doesn’t last forever.")

Just trying to remember One True Thing, eh?

May God be lifted up in 2008 and always!

Yours,
Tara B.

Just found the PERFECT book for my little LOVES TO ASK QUESTIONS kid:

Uncover the Human Body

Now when she asks about what our stomachs look like or how our muscles work or why we drink so much water all day, I can just FLIP to the page and there it is.

I saw this referenced on some homeschool blog and was really happy to find it on clearance in a store today. Got it home and Soph just started devouring it.

Hooray! Momma Tara is trying to work on science stuff. (Not my forte.)
Now ... onto math.



Happy Friday, all!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well, I’ve been temporarily displaced in the heart of my daughter ...

Apparently, having two adults play constantly with you and lavish only FUN and NO discipline on you can really win over a four year-old’s heart.

Yes, yes, Soph has been officially ensorcelled by Kali & her Fred.
She doesn’t want to sleep because she just wants to spend more time with them.
Cuddles? Books? Games? Kali & Fred! Kali & Fred! Kali & Fred!

But the kicker that totally made us all (including me) LOSE it we laughed so hard? ... Last night when we all went to play “Candyland”, she said:

"Sorry, Mom. There are only four pieces, so I guess you can’t play."

(Kali, Fred, Dad, Soph. No room for Mom.)

I’m not too worried about it, though.
If I could have all fun and no discipline (all sugar and no brocolli, all lying around and no exercise), I’d probably like that a lot too.

(Oh, wait. That sounds like the last week of my life!)

BUT ... Kali and Fred said, oh–say–100 times a day as they’ve played with her, she instinctively says, “Momma – I mean Auntie Kali” and “Momm–I mean Uncle Fred.” So I’m trusting she’s sufficiently bonded to me.

Here’s hoping anyway.

Lots of progress made on the DVD project! Today is my last day for my (wonderful!) proofreaders to get me their changes on the guide and then I’m sending it off to the graphic design artist.

Then I’m a video session watchin' gal to see if we can get the “final cuts” on those done too.

It will be SO good to have this project wrapped.
Oh, and I’m also PICABOOING our 2007 scrapbook too.

Do you electronically scrapbook yet? I’M HOOKED. I’ll never go back to double stick tape. NEVER.

- With a few hours of hard work, I’ll have our entire YEAR done and bound in a GORGEOUS hardback book.

- I can print out of paperback version for Soph so she can play with it and look through it WITHOUT damaging our “good” version.

- I can print off paperback versions for grandparents and (wonderfully) overly-indulgent aunties and uncles.

- And if, God forbid, our house burns down, our photos are not lost forever. I can just print off another scrapbook.

Works for me!

Anyway ... back to DVD guide land. It’s 8:30 and everyone should be starting to stir soon.

Happy Thursday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... I’m facing my toughest challenge so far re: parenting my darling (almost!) four year-old ...

She has apparently decided to become the Meryl Streep of preschoolers especially related to VOICES.

Whatever friend she spends time with, she COMPLETELY picks up on the voice/speech pattern of the OTHER CHILD.

Now, this is a little strange when it’s our (so sweet!) dear friend with the tiny baby lisp squeaky voice. I mean, I can’t say I enjoy it, but it doesn’t GRATE on me or anything.

But we have another friend (whom we ADORE and we would quickly lay down our LIVES for!) who OCCASIONALLY uses a terrifically nasally, whiny, LOUD, horribly annoying tone of voice. And this has suddenly become Sophia’s way of speaking.

From gentle tones to GRATING, NASTY, STRAINED, LOUD ........... I just can’t come up with words to describe how EXCEPTIONALLY ANNOYING this way of speaking is.

So, we’re working on it.

- Making sure she understands THAT she’s doing it and WHEN she’s doing it
- Clarifying that SHE also agrees that it is a disrespectful and unpleasant way of communicating
- Making sure that she can easily and readily go back to her “normal” (i.e., lovely!) way of speaking

... And then praying for PATIENCE for me and WISDOM as to HOW TO BREAK HER OF THIS HABIT!!!
(Because it really has become a habit now.)

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

Yes, I see the (oft' bumpy, rocky) road ahead related to Sophie and relationships. (Already her “just trying to help” can come across as–the DREADED words I was told as a preschooler/Kindergartner!–"bossy" and “directive.”)

Yes, yes, I know that her propensity to think fast and argue persuasively means that MAN she could be a MASTER MANIPULATOR if she were allowed to go down that path without love, prayer, a call to repent/change, and practical help to actually live a different way.

BUT THIS VOICE THING IS DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY BATTY!!
(So of course I’M the one who has to repent and ask her to forgive ME for my disrespectful communication when I lose my temper and raise my voice.)

Oooooooooooh ... therein squats the proverbial toad, eh?

Because the TRUTH is that although Sophie really DOES do a SMACK ON rendition of our little friend’s voice ...

The place I MOST hear a whiner is ME.

I’ve always been told it’s a DRAG to see your sins and weaknesses reflected in your kids.

And MAN am I seeing them today.
(But lots & lots of blessings too. Truly.)

And so, and so ... another day to remember that God is in control.
He remembers that we are but dust.
He never forsakes His children.
He will never forsake our children either.

O! That I will run to God–
And bear patiently with my lovie bear, Sophie.
I do love her so much!
And she is SO quick to forgive.

Thank God! Thank God!
I do.

Happy, Blessed Thursday–

Love,
Tara B.

Totally had to chuckle at something Sophie said recently ...

She had sinned pretty badly last week and she had some very painful consequences–one of which was the loss of some of her favorite DVDs for an entire week. (They get put onto my dresser so she can see them, but not touch them. I mentally refer to it as her TOY PRISON. If all goes well, they’ll be SPRUNG tomorrow after ballet class. )

Anyway ... a few days after her sinful behavior and the imposition of this painful consequence, she came over to me very remorsefully and said:

"I’m really sorry that I did that, Mom."

(I’d tell you the specifics of what she did but I don’t yet have her permission to share them publicly. Oooooh–sort of like Calvin & Hobbes NOODLE incident, eh?)

I thought:

"This is great! Sophie is really sorry for what she did. Hooray! Repentance! Thank You, God!"

But then she COMPLETED HER THOUGHT by saying:

"... because 101 Dalmatians is my FAVORITE movie and I really wish I hadn’t lost the privilege of watching it for a WHOLE WEEK."

Ooooooh! So close. And yet so far.

I just don’t think there could be a clearer example of worldly sorrow. Do you?

"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

Thank God that He gives us more grace.

Oh, how I see my OWN HEART as I parent my precious, beloved, wonderful, delightful, totally depraved and in need of grace child.

Please God, forgive my worldly sorrow that is only sad because I have a painful consequence.
Please change me and cause me to TRULY repent–to feel the WEIGHT of my sin against YOU.
May I learn to love the things you love and hate what you despise.

Amen & Amen!

Blessings to you on this Tuesday morn–

Yours,
Tara B.

Do you know how I always mention that I have my family’s permission to share our story whenever I give my testimony? (Because many times we can’t tell our own story without telling a portion of someone else’s story ... and without their permission and blessing, we really shouldn’t share at all?)

WELL ... I have my darling Sophia’s permission to share “just a little” of our story from this week, and so that’s what I’m going to do. But if she gives me broader permission later on, trust that I’ll fill you in even more.

The gist is that Sophie was very (VERY!) angry at one of her little friends. At the heart of it seems to be jealousy because this little girl likes ME and Sophie was feeling competitive about that.

Once it began to materialize, we (of course) talked with her; helped her to see that we ALL struggle with angry/jealous hearts at various times; prayed with her; discussed various Scriptures (like her all-time favorite NT story, The Good Samaritan, and how 1 John reminds us that “if we claim to love God and hate our friend, we are liars and the truth is not in us”) ...

We called her to repent. She was stuck in her sin and didn’t WANT to repent.

We reminded her of how much God loved her and how the way of the sinner is HARD–but God always gives us a way out of our sin.

We explained that in the Church, as Christians, we absolutely do NOT have a choice to remain angry. That unity and love for neighbor are NOT optional.

She remained bitter and unrepentant.

We reminded her that ALL friendships have conflicts and hurts. That Mommy sometimes is hurt by Auntie Samara or Auntie Kali. That Daddy and Mommy fight. (She enthusiastically nodded her head at that one. Ouch.)

But that we ALWAYS persevere in love. We always forgive. We don’t give up on one another.

She softened, but STILL remained angry and unwilling to forgive and love her friend. And so we explained that if she persisted in her anger, she would be disciplined because it was THAT important of an issue.

(You understand that this conversation was ongoing over DAYS, right? And that we had known something was wrong for WEEKS but it didn’t come to a head–i.e., she didn’t begin to actually TALK with us and PROCESS it with us–until last Sunday.)

ANYWAY ... today Sophie spent the day with her little friend. Her mom and I had talked and visited and she was 100% on board with the entire situation and was committed to working with Sophie to help her remember the gospel, turn from her sin, and grow a more loving relationship with her little friend again.

I CAN’T TELL YOU ANY MORE DETAILS YET. (I will honor Sophie’s request to only tell a portion of our story.)

But I can tell you that it was a very good day.
AND that my heart just overflows with gratitude to go through life in the Body.
The imperfect, oft-hurtful, filled with fellow messed-up Christians CHURCH.

I am so grateful for REAL friends!
Friends who love Jesus and love me and love my daughter–and help us BOTH.
I’m just SO SO SO grateful.

Oh, and I spent the day COOKING.
Yup.
Sweet potatoes and stuffing and rolls with YEAST and desserts with PUNKINS and the whole bit.
All with my saint, sweet, brilliant, FUNNY, incredibly interesting, makes everything feel do-able and not so scary friend Linda.

I’ll try to remember to take a pic of our dinner tomorrow.
OH how FAR we have gone from our (first, what, 8 or 9 YEARS of married life???) traditional THANKSGIVING FROZEN PIZZAS!!

Grace abounds.

Happy, Blessed Thanksgiving, all!

With much, much love,
Tara B.

Had a great morning with our little Pre-K “class” ... boy those children are precious! I just love spending time with them.

AND it is SUCH a joy to get to spend time with their moms and siblings over the lunch time. I am always encouraged AND I learn a ton too.

For example ... one mom asked another mom how to handle a (very active!) boy who LOVES to climb. And climb. AND CLIMB. This was the reply:

"If you don’t look, they won’t fall."

Too funny. And probably accurate, eh?

Next lesson that keeps bopping around my heart and head?

I was sharing about how, this past weekend, I was looking forward to Sophie’s birthday party (as I was buying little girl sized grass skirts and other ALOHA luau tropical wear on ebay) ... but THEN how I was struggling that night with those “Tara you are SO STRANGE” condemning thoughts in the night. ("WHY do you have a party? Other families don’t do that!" “Are you being a good STEWARD buying (super cute!) grass skirts?!?” etc. etc.) And THEN I was commenting on how I just need to RELAX.

Another friend replied so lovingly and SO wisely:

"You do, Tara. You do need to relax. It is a discipline to ENJOY."

In my life, I never thought that thought: It is a discipline to ENJOY.

But of course she is right.

And so I shall. I shall enjoy.

Thank God for friends!

Love ya and Happy Tuesday,
Tara B.

Having spent pretty much ALL DAY in bed yesterday (BLECH!) ...
And feeling incredibly DOPEY/slow/confused because of the back meds ...

Ol' Momma Tara was NOT in a very good place emotionally/spiritually/physically as I tried to get cleaned up to head out the door to small group last night.

It was truly the first time I had been upright for any appreciable length of time in like two days! (I had even let EMAILS pile up in my INBOX–and if you know me at all, you know that means something was VERY VERY wrong. )

So of course, Sophie chose the “last five minutes as we HAVE TO get out the door or we’re going to be late” time to defy a clear command I had given her to put her coloring things away in her coloring basket.

And I made the foolish decision to NOT deal with her defiance lovingly and gently right there and then in that exact moment. But instead, I told her again to put the crayons away. She was grouchy and SLOW in her response ... and again I blew it because I gave her the command a third time.

So what, OF COURSE, happened? I raised my voice and was harsh with her. And she was miserably defiant in her response. We were both sinning and it was AWFUL!

(As an aside–don’t some of the whopper conflicts in our lives happen RIGHT as we are heading out the door to CHURCH or to a small group study on PEACEMAKING?!? Ironic, eh?)

But there is good news! (Because there is Good News.)

Sophie and I confessed our sins to each other and we were fully, completely reconciled. Thank God.

But then in the car as we were driving to the study, Sophie poured grace upon grace on my head as she said to me:

"You know, Momma, even when you raised your voice to me, I never stopped loving you."

And I could say in response: “Just as, when you were horribly disobedient and defiant, I never stopped loving YOU, darling cuddle-bug lovie bear.”

Grace from a three year old!
Every day. Every day.

Hope you are resting in the gospel as you go throughout your day! Remember: God loves His children because we are His. He has justified, forgiven, and adopted us. And He will NEVER stop loving us–because His love is NOT based on our performance, but on HIS COVENANT. On Himself. And though WE are NOT trustworthy (we fail! we fail!) ... GOD IS TRUSTWORTHY. He will never go back on His Word. He will never stop loving His children.

O, thank You, God!
This is INDESCRIBABLE GRACE.
And we are desperate for You.

Amen & Amen!

And love to all,
Tara B.

THANK YOU so very much for all of your sweet, encouraging (and concerned!) emails and comments re: the “I don’t love my child” feedback comment. You guys are truly evidences of God’s grace to me!

And all day long today I’ve WANTED to post to let you know that truly, really, I am A-OK about it all. (I may struggle with other things, but I really don’t have any concerns at all in my heart that I absolutely delight in and adore my daughter ... AND that she is a happy, secure, delightful little muffin-tater.)

BUT ... I’ve been IMMOBILE IN BED pretty much all day long because my BACK is totally, 100%, painfully OUT!

Seriously–this is the first time in HOURS that I could sit upright for more than a few seconds and I’m sure it’s only because I just took more (BLECH!) muscle relaxants and pain killers and I JUST put heat on the spasming muscles.

SO ... with the minutes I have before I have to lie flat again (I anticipate being able to stretch and move again in hopefully 24-48 hours ... it’s been a long time since my back has gone out like this, but when it goes out, it goes OUT for two days and then it slowly un-spasms and I get better again) ... I wanted to let you know:

1. SO SORRY, Martha, that you had to face rejection today! I prayed for you and I hope that you can continue (by faith!) to love and do good, even when it hurts.

2. Hi Deb! And yes, I do think that Peacemakers will be selling the CDs–so you can keep an eye on their website–and I might even get to duplicate and sell them too. And I know you keep an eye on this site, so you’ll know if/when it’s available.

3. Thanks again Wilm! And WHEN can we schedule that “women’s retreat / SCUBA trip” to New Zealand?!? Ummmmmmmm ... I’m counting down the days. !!

4. Sweet Nicole! Please oh please don’t give all of this another THOUGHT. Of course I trust that you and your husband are striving to make the most wise, loving, God-glorifying decisions concerning ALL areas of your lives. And it was just super-fun to get to see you again! Plus ... please don’t wonder too much why Christians do what we do. At different times, we can all presume uncharitably or judge one another or be SO passionate about certain topics that we don’t communicate as loving and graciously as we would hope ... who knows? Maybe the person was in a hurry and WOULD HAVE written something like, “Sister Tara, thanks for working so hard to prepare for this workshop. It was obvious that you tried you best to serve us well. I think we have different convictions about some parenting decisions, but I trust that the Lord is at work in you just He is at work in me ... and what matters most is that God is good and greatly to be praised! Of course, I know that you love your daughter and only want to love God and love her well–and that it couldn’t possibly be true that you don’t love your daughter. I’ll pray for you and I hope that God will bless you in all of your endeavors!”

(Just trying to think the best here. )

5. THANKS for the email hugs, Becky & BrandiS!

And yes, BrandiS–I was thinking the EXACT SAME THING about “what WAS it that might have lead to those comments”? Just brainstorming ... but I was thinking that perhaps because I focused ONLY on conflict resolution/peacemaking (the workshop was entitled, “Peacemaking for Preschoolers”), and I did NOT focus on parenting in general ... SO I talked about things like obedience/blessings/painful consequences, respectful appeals, practicing with hypotheticals, setting expectations, etc. etc. ... maybe the person got the feeling that ALL we ever do it discipline (which of course it NOT true).

I didn’t talk about cuddles, giggles, singing, jumping in leaves, snuggling, reading, singing, dancing, etc. etc. because I had only 60 minutes and I just talked about peacemaking/conflict stuff.

PLUS–I do know that a number of Christians feel very, VERY strongly that any kind of corporal punishment (i.e., spanking) is ALWAYS wrong. Even “sin” they would say–even “evil.” SO ... I was trying to NOT “go there” during the workshop (because I didn’t want to shut down the learning on other points if it was a “sticking point” for someone) ... but THEN, I was asked a DIRECT QUESTION during the workshop and since I didn’t want to LIE, I said something to the effect of, “I know that Christians disagree on this topic; and that people can feel VERY strongly about it; and of course it is a wisdom issue (etc. etc.), but, yes, in our home, we spank. We have lots of other options for painful consequences, of course, but we do spank.” And THAT might’ve just put this person over the edge if I was already sounding like a harsh taskmaster (a LOT of people think the idea of “first time obedience” is just WRONG/mean/harsh/unloving whereas Fred and I truly believe that training Sophie to obey is one of the MOST loving things we can do as parents for her) ...

So anyway ... honestly, everyone! I’m OK. I’m sorry that the commenters felt they could presume to know my heart and then presume so uncharitably that I do not love my child. BUT ... beyond that, I’m really OK. Well, except for being in extreme (Fred keeps asking if I need to go to the E.R.) pain and dopey/confused because of these stupid (but I’m grateful for them!) drugs.

Hope this blog entry has even a modicum of order to it!

Thanks again, everyone–

Much love,
Tara B.

PS
BrandiS ... for books, I recommend “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Tripp; “The Young Peacemaker” by Sande; and “Don’t Make Me Count to Three” by Plowman.

Isn’t that great?
Sounds like good Pre-K Co-Op fodder for lessons to me.

!!

(HT Solo Femininity!)

Well ... I keep selling lots of copies of my pastor’s VBS curriculum so I wanted to mention it again ...

The “Peacemaker Clubs” curriculum is so biblical, practical, and WONDERFUL! I really hope you will check it out:



It’s a great help to the children, their families, and entire churches. PLUS, it’s a great way to reach out to your neighborhood/community because EVERYONE has kids who fight.

("Hi! I’m from ABC Church and we’re hosting a kids club this summer to help them learn how to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner. Do your kids ever have conflicts? Oh–HOW MANY kids did you want to sign up?")



Enjoy and God bless!
– Tara B.

It’s been one of those long, sleepless, hard nights of parenthood.

Fever + congestion + a sweet three year-old = one tired momma.

PLUS, things have been complicated by the fact that our entire house smells like BEEF JERKY ... all because of a huge fire burning just outside of Billings:



Blech.

The three of us were cuddling in bed right before she went to sleep the first time and I actually started to cry. I almost stopped myself because I didn’t want to concern her–but then, even through my grief, I had the parenting thought, “This is a good opportunity to remind Sophie that it’s OK to cry. Everyone cries at times.” And so I did. (Just a little. I really didn’t want to worry her–children don’t need grown-up worries, right?)

As I cried (just a little), Sophie put her (hot) little arm around me and said, “It’s OK, Momma. You’re going to be OK.”

At first I felt guilty and bad. ("Failure! Failure! Failure as a Momma," cried that little voice inside of me. “Children shouldn’t comfort grown-ups!”)

But Fred said, “Oh, Tara. Please give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. She’s just repeating to you what she’s heard you say to her over and over again.”

(Isn’t Fred a kind man?)

Well–I’m going to try to get back to sleep again.
(I’ve been upstairs to her room twice since I started writing this entry five minutes ago. Poor kid.)

Happy, blessed, Monday, all–

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... Sophia Grace and I had to beat a hasty retreat from church today when she threw up (poor thing!). By noon, we were both running fevers over 100 (can’t imagine why–it’s not like I kiss that kid a zillion times a day or anything).

As you might imagine, the rest of our day has been spent with Tylenol, lots of videos, and strategically placed buckets (just in case).

I hope to write something pithy or at least interesting before too long–but for now, oh my! Look at the time. 8:00? Must be bedtime. (I’m actually sick of being in bed–bored by videos but feeling too shaky and tired to be productive. Do you ever feel that way when some flu bug is having a happy time inside of you?)

One nice thing happened today: our portable dvd player died.

Why is that nice? Because in like FOUR DAYS the warranty would’ve run out and we would’ve had no recourse. But instead, we could just return it for a full refund. (Whooo-hoooo! I know we “shouldn't” be (we should only read books, right?), but we are definitely a family who appreciates our portable dvd player ... so this was good news.)

Fred has been a painting MACHINE all weekend long–we’re changing our merlot-colored “parlor” (i.e., extra room on the main level that we’ve never really known what to do with) to a little playroom/schoolroom/hopefully organize Sophie’s educational stuff & toys-room.

The main color is a nice, warm plum and Samara recommended a creamy, buttery yellow for the former-closet-becoming-a-reading-nook space. (We really like the yellow–but both Fred and I had a little chuckle as we realized we were simultaneously having 1970’s flashbacks to rooms in our childhood. Ahhhhh–there was a lot of yellow in the '70’s.)

I’ll try to post “before & after” pics as we make progress ...

Hope you all enjoyed a nice Sabbath.
I’ve been very, very sad lately. Hoping it’s just Mr. Every-32-Day Visitor ...
But I think it honestly a combination of grief (for some reason I’m really missing being pregnant these days and I’m sad that our baby won’t be here in just three more months), loneliness, and probably the inevitable “downness” of not being very focused with my spiritual disciplines and physical/health goals.

So I guess I should pray,
kiss the (hot!) baby,
try to sleep (I’ve been restless/sleepless for three nights now–oh, hey! that could be adding to my feeling so poor too, eh??),
trust God, and
hit the hay.

His mercies are new every morning, right?
Tomorrow is another day.

God bless and love from Montana,
Tara B.

Oh! We (Sophia & I) had our hard parenting/childrearing moments this morning.

As I was brushing her hair upstairs, Sophia gently said to me:

"Mommy, we both need to pray and ask God to forgive us, don’t we? I need to ask Him to forgive me for my disobedient and defiant heart. And you need to ask Him to forgive you for raising your voice. We’d better pray. God will help us."

And so we did.

And He did.

So now it’s the afternoon–and a couple of new creations get to have clean starts as we persevere in our daily tasks.

Strange, isn’t it? To parent a child–and also to trust in faith that this child is also my sister in Christ?

(Another marvelous evidence of eternal grace in our lives, I think.)

Hope you’re all doing well!

I had a rotten start to my day–my first conscious thought was remembering a terrible nightmare I was having where I was in a church-group of people-crowd setting and no matter how hard I tried, I kept relating terribly with people. (In the nightmare, I talked too much even though I was trying to be quiet; I came across as harsh even when I was trying hard to be gentle; I tried to be a good friend and love well–but even people who I thought were my friends were saying–in this nightmare, “Tara, you are just SO AWFUL! I don’t want to be around you.”)

Sometimes nightmares are just too close to real life, eh?
Anyway–as you might imagine, I woke up quite sad and stressed.
So of course my first temptation was to EAT!

(Oh! When will my first draw be to RUN TO CHRIST??!!?? Will I ever grow up?!
Yes. Yes. I know the Truth–and so I am not without hope. But UGH! What a crappy (trying not to say that ugly word any more) ... what an icky way to start the day.)

Right now I’m trying hard to do the next thing and be faithful with the time and tasks I have.
With hope. (Hope!) And Joy.

God bless!
And here’s to a night filled with happy, restful dreams!



Yours,
Tara B.

(From 2006)

Hooray for Momma G!
Sophia and I had a fun adventure today ...

Thanks to a sweet invitation from Auntie Judy T., we went to our very first MOVIE (complete with popcorn and everything). And to make the day even MORE fun, our friends T. and Mrs. G. came too. (I’m not using their names because some people don’t like to have their names on the Internet–and I’m not sure how these friends feel about that.)

Everything was great (happy, obedient children; fun treats; an OK movie that we all enjoyed) ... UNTIL ...
(Scary Music!) ...

At the very end, after all of the people had left, the girls were chasing each other around the theater just having fun. Then we headed out of the theater down the LONG hall to the concession area (that was PACKED with people).

The girls got a little far ahead of us and I called for Sophie to, “Freeze!” She did not.
I said, “Sophia, STOP.” She did not.

(Although T. DID OBEY. Immediately.)

But my darling Sophia, instead, took a sharp turn and DASHED into the CROWD–completely and utterly OUT OF OUR SIGHT.

So here’s my Hooray for Mrs. G!

My friend is like a THOUSAND times in better shape than I am.
Plus she’s a RUNNER.
AND she was wearing runnable shoes–unlike me.

And without hesitating she DASHED.
I mean RAN.

She made the corner just as Sophia disappeared into the crowd (and Judy and Teresa and I weren’t even CLOSE).
She chased! (And Sophie CONTINUED TO DISOBEY. Seriously–I have NEVER experienced ANYTHING like this from Sophia before.)

She called out to Sophia. (Who did NOT come to her!)
And FINALLY–she caught up to Sophie. And snatched her.
And brought her to me in TEARS.

I felt so bad.
Here my friend was SHAKING and CRYING ("I couldn’t see her! I couldn’t see her!") because she cared so much about my daughter and she was frightened.

Talk about RUINING a fun outing.
Well–temporarily at least.

Because, of course, there is FORGIVENESS! And this is a great thing.

Sophia apologized to Mrs. G. (through her tears) and was forgiven.
But there were still consequences.
DOUBLE TROUBLE consequences for disobeying Mommy AND disobeying Mrs. G. (and thus, putting herself in a very dangerous situation).

We talked about it all the way home while she cried and cried in the back seat and Daddy listened on the phone.
And when we got home, she had her painful consequence.

But then she was forgiven!

Oh! I am JUST SO GRATEFUL FOR FORGIVENESS! And for the privilege of raising Sophia in a world where she can be forgiven too–all because of Jesus.

(Otherwise, the day really would’ve been ruined!)

After all that, it was time for cuddles and Bible reading and then nappies.
She and I read Jesus' teaching on the Prodigal son.
And how grateful I was to God when we reached the end and the son was forgiven and Sophia said:

"Just like ME, Momma. He was forgiven just like me."

That’s right, dear. That’s right.

Amen & Amen
(And thanks again, Mrs. G! You were my hero today.)

Love to all,
Tara B.

(From 2006)

“Thanks for teaching me, Mom.”
The other day I was facing a deadline on a HUGE project and I just WASN’T in the mood for my (normally enjoyable) “mother of a toddler” duties.

(In retrospect, I think I should’ve asked a friend to have Sophie over so that I could’ve just concentrated on the project ... but hindsight is 20/20, eh?)

Anyway ... Sophie got out a toy and was busy putting hundreds of little pieces all over the floor and making a giant “trash the room” mess at my feet. I was OK with that because she was quiet ... well, for a few minutes. THEN she got frustrated and needed help.

OH MAN! I could literally FEEL the frustration come up from my stomach into my chest and my throat tighten as I was about to be IMPATIENT and use THE TONE with her. (You know the tone, don’t you? The FRUSTRATED MOMMA tone? It’s NOT pleasant.)

But then ... GOD’S GRACE CONSTRAINED ME. And instead of raising my voice or being rude to her, I just asked:
"Sophie, would you like me to show you how to put those pieces back inside?
And she said:
“Yes, please Momma.”
And so I did.

And then, do you know what she said?
“Thanks, Mom, for teaching me how to put those pieces away.”
Oh! I was SO humbled.

I could’ve modeled my black, sinful, wretched, selfish heart to her. And instead, I was the one who was blessed.

Thank You, God, for your constraining grace!
Amen & Amen

I spent all day yesterday (and late into the night) looking up scripture after scripture on the gospel.

(Hmmmmm ... it sounds strange to write that because, OF COURSE, the entirety of scripture is on the gospel! But I was mining and digging and mining for specific passages to include in my dvd study guide.)

ANYWAY ... it was a hard day’s work to persevere at the laptop for hours and hours, but a WONDERFUL and ENCOURAGING time to remember how lavish God’s mercy is toward His children.

And THEN, all of those reminders of how compassionate God is has given me the courage to confess something to you all that I’ve been SO ASHAMED OF ... but I think that MAYBE I’m not the only mother who has struggled with this. And so I wanted to be honest with the hope that we can ALL run to Christ with confidence because He truly is our Savior.

So here is yet another example of how I really can be the worst mother in the world ...

Last week, I was increasingly frustrated with Sophia because she kept messing up two of her Catechism questions.

(Can you IMAGINE a dumber thing to be upset about?!?)

I mean–I was really mad. And at one point I said to her, “Sophie, I am very frustrated with you. In fact, I am disappointed in you.”

And she replied, “Momma, I am disappointed in you too ... when you raise your voice, you scare me.”

I scare her!
My own child!
A tiny little MUFFIN!?!

I was rightfully ashamed–and although it took me a few moments to repent of my stubborn pride (can you BELIEVE that I was tempted to try to JUSTIFY my raising my voice?!?) ... I did confess to her that it was wrong and sinful and unloving of me to raise my voice. And I asked her to forgive me.

And she did.
Again.
“Because Jesus forgives me!” she says when I ask her why she forgives me.

So, yes, it’s true ... I am a big huge sinner just trying to help a tiny, itty-bitty sinner to repent and believe that there IS forgiveness because of the finished work of Christ.

(Oh–and hypothetically, if anyone else out there ever struggles with feelings of anger and frustration toward their children ... just in case I’m not the only one ... I pray that you will know that there is forgiveness for you too! Read Proverbs 28:13, Romans 4:7-8, and Hebrews 8:12 if you don’t believe me.)

Happy Friday to you all!
I’m a packing-machine today because Sophie and I are off to Chicago tomorrow.

Yours,
Tara B.

HT to Barbara Curtis for this amazingly beautiful testimony to God’s grace through our precious, beloved children with Down’s Syndrome:

Our Little Extras

Happy Mother’s Day, all!

Love,
Tara B.

PS
Just took Lili to the vet’s to board her for the weekend. We have a family trip to Wyoming tomorrow so that I can speak at a ladies' dinner ... and with her having, ummmmm, “potty troubles,” I didn’t think it was wise to have her in the car for so long or to have her in a hotel room.

Please do pray for me today!

I’m speaking at a church’s mother-daughter dinner tonight–and then the thing tomorrow–and I’m just in a “down” swing. I’m really praying that I will be: 1) gospel-proclaiming!; 2) funny!; and 3) helpful even in some small way for these precious ladies.

It’s such an opportunity to serve ... I’m always amazed when I am invited. BUT ... some days are just hard, you know? So anyway ... thanks for the prayers! And enjoy the pictures from Barbara Curtis. I thought they were GORGEOUS. Yours –t

Just had this article brought to by my attention:

12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child

The author is Pastor John Piper’s son, Abraham Piper.

Hope you enjoy!
– Tara B.

Are you looking for a biblical, practical, and WONDERFUL VBS curriculum?

If so ... look no further! The “Peacemaker Clubs” curriculum that my pastor developed in our PCA church is ready and currently available on my resources page.



I mention this again because I’ve been selling these for my pastor left & right! (It must be that time of year or something.)

I hope you’ll check it out and tell a friend too! It’s a great help to the children, their families, and entire churches. PLUS, it’s a great way to reach out to your neighborhood/community because EVERYONE has kids who fight.

("Hi! I’m from ABC Church and we’re hosting a kids club this summer to help them learn how to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner. Do your kids ever have conflicts? Oh–HOW MANY kids did you want to sign up?")



Enjoy and God bless!
– Tara B.

Sophia is having an AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL time with Grandpa Charlie and Granma Kathy (my stepdad and mom). Seriously ... books & games & playtime & happiness, and, well, that kid is going to think her life is SO BORING when we get home in a couple of days.

(Here’s a quote I say a lot, “Soph, I love ya'. But you’re a creative kid. Please go figure out something to do because Momma could use a break right now. Thanks and be safe and let me know if you need anything.” !!)

BUT ... my Momma heart went ZING a little bit (Oh, my sweet muffin! I miss you so much!) when my mom told me that yesterday Sophia said:

"Granma? I think it’s time for Momma to come home now."

Yes, dear. I know.
Momma will be home soon.

(I just start to physically CRAVE her after like 48 hours, you know?)

But we’re having a great time in Hawaii–my responsibilities serving at the event are done now and Fred and I are working a little and resting a lot and just enjoying our time together.

(I’ll try to post another pic or two when I can.)

Happy Monday, all!

Yours,
Tara B.

(Have you read this? Wow! Go, Dennis! And boy–I can’t imagine what life will be like for Fred in 12 or 13 years. )

Guarding Our Daughters’ Moral Purity
A nervous father interviews his daughter’s date.
By Dennis Rainey

I was seated at my desk, barely able to concentrate. I shifted papers, opened drawers, glanced out the window. Shifted papers, opened drawers, glanced out the window. Shifted papers … I felt like I was expecting an important phone call and was just trying to do something, anything, productive while waiting. But it wasn’t working.

Neither was I.

Finally, my executive assistant informed me that the young man I’d been expecting was waiting for me in the lobby.

Deep breath, Dennis. You’re the adult here. You can do this. I was about to interview the first of many young men who wanted a date with one of my daughters.

I stood to my feet and walked across the room, still amazed at how nervous I was as I stepped into the lobby to meet Kevin—the only person in the building more anxious and ill at ease than I.

“Afternoon, Kevin, glad you could make it.”

“Hello, Mr. Rainey.”

“How about we get something from the Coke machine. I hear you’re a Dr. Pepper man.”

“Yes, sir.”

Riding a very thin wave of forced, uncomfortable chitchat, I deposited enough quarters to dislodge a cold can for him and a Diet Coke for me. Then, not wanting to be the Ultimate Intimidator, I suggested we go outside and chat in the parking lot. That’s where he showed me his motorcycle—which wasn’t exactly how I wanted Ashley to go out on her first date!

I popped the tab on my soft drink and looked squarely into the same eyes that enjoyed looking at my sixteen-year-old daughter. We began with the basics. I asked him about school, his mom and dad and family, interests—just a general get-to-know-you type of conversation.

“God made men and women different”

“Kevin,” I said, hoping I’d also remember the rest of the words I wanted to say, “God did a wonderful thing when he made women.”

The color fell from his face. This was going to be worse than he had thought. I wondered if at any moment he might hop on that motorcycle and bolt!

I continued. “And, Kevin, God made men and women different. You’ve probably noticed some of those differences.”

Kevin was getting paler by the minute, but he had the presence of mind to nod.

“Actually, God made us different so that men and women would be attracted to one another. Now, Kevin,” I paused for dramatic effect, “you have probably noticed that God made Ashley quite attractive. She’s a really cute girl. In fact, you’ve probably noticed that she has a cute figure.”

This was less of a statement and more of a question. If Kevin said no, he and I would both know he was lying. If he said yes, however, he was admitting to the obvious: that he had the audacity to notice my daughter’s figure!

After a brief pause, I spared him the agony and continued.

“I mean, you’re a young man and Ashley is a young lady, and God made men and women to be attracted to one another. It’s good.” Kevin seemed to be relieved at my pronouncement. I went on.

“And, Kevin, I just want you to know that I am a man and I understand this attraction. I was once a teenage boy, and I know what teenage boys think about. I’ve even read some research on this, and the studies show that teenage boys think about sex every seven seconds.”

At this point Kevin’s eyes darted, wondering where I was going next.

“And, Kevin, you and I both know those teenage boys were lying about the other six seconds.”

At this point Kevin’s eyes began to dilate! There was no dodging this one. “Yes, sir,” he said, with a nervous little laugh.

“Are we communicating?”

“Kevin, I don’t know how to put this any plainer: I want you to keep your lips and hands off my daughter. And I’m going to help you with that. Because whether I see you at the door after your first date with Ashley—or after your fiftieth date—you can expect me to ask you, ‘Kevin, are you dealing uprightly with my daughter?’ And I want you to know what I mean when I ask you that question. Are we communicating, Kevin?”

“Yes, sir.” His eyes were fully dilated at this point.

I continued. “Kevin, more than likely Ashley is going to be somebody’s wife someday. And I don’t want you touching her body. Would you want someone touching your wife’s body?”

“No, sir.”

“That’s what I thought. So you and I, we know what we’re talking about when I ask you to be accountable for protecting the emotional and moral purity of my daughter, right?”

He nodded enough to let me know my vocabulary was in his dictionary.

“And, Kevin, I want you also to take this challenge: If God ever gives you the privilege of being a husband and a dad, especially if He gives you girls, I want you to take your role so seriously with them that you’ll talk to your daughters’ dates the way I’ve talked with you today. Will you promise me that?”

“Yes, sir.”

At that point both Kevin and I were relieved that the conversation was over. I grinned and patted him on the back. I told him I was proud of him for coming to talk to me and allowing me to interact with him around such important issues.

As he was putting his helmet on, he answered one last question by assuring me he’d take Ashley out in a car!

Young Men Need to Be Challenged

That was it. Took maybe twenty minutes.

And I’ve done a version of this same thing dozens of times now as I’ve interviewed young men who wanted to date my four daughters.

I’ve learned a lot as I’ve gone through this. I’ve learned that there are some very specific things I need to know about each young man, and I try to tailor each of these little talks to the particular situation and the young man I’m dealing with.

In the process, I’ve met some fine maturing men and seen some interesting things happen along the way. In one case, another dad who came with his son to sit in on the interview, to observe and be trained. I’ve also had younger brothers sit in (probably just to see their big brother squirm).

I even had one young man come to me and say, “Mr. Rainey, I’m not interested in asking any of your daughters out on a date, but I was wondering, would you be willing to take me through the interview?” I did. He wanted to go through it so he would know what I said. It reminded me that young men today yearn for older men to enter their worlds, talk straight with them about how to treat a young lady, and call them to a high standard.

Guys, I can’t tell you how strongly I feel about this. The statistics don’t lie. Despite more than a decade of “Just Say No” and countless sermons on “Love, Sex, and Dating,” the sexual conduct of Christian youth growing up in Christian youth groups, worshiping to Christian music, and sitting in Christian Bible studies, is virtually no different than the sexual conduct of any other teenager.

These young men who like what they see in our daughters enough to want to spend time alone with them need us to hold them accountable and call them to restrain their sexual passions. They need older men, dads, to challenge them to protect our daughters and do what it takes to guard their moral purity.

Let’s do it.

We received an update letter from Ajith and Nelun Fernando today and I do hope that you will pray for this amazing couple as they continue to minister in SO many ways around the world. (Truly, I consider Ajith a HERO of the faith!)

Although I was engrossed in the entire letter, two things stuck out in a particular way:

1. He mentioned how God’s grace was with them both even though, pretty much at every airport, they were called out for a secondary screening and almost every time the TSA personnel were rude, demeaning, and humiliating. Yet, he retold this in the context of how SWEET the fellowship with their hosts was ... not with any anger or bitterness even at this horrible treatments. I was humbled and taught by their example.

2. He ended with some Wesley quotes (because he had been reading sermons on the planes) and especially given the recent discussion thread on our board regarding parenting, I thought you might enjoy a few. I’ll put them at the end of this post.

I’m off to meet my event hosts and their senior pastor now. Indiana is beautiful! I love the Midwest.

Happy Friday, all!

Much love,
Tara B.

Several times Wesley talks about the dangers giving children what they ask for by crying. Once he even calls this cruelty:

“Never, on any account, give a child any thing that it cries for. For it is a true observation, (and you may make the experiment as often as you please,) if you give a child what he cries for, you pay him for crying; and then he will certainly cry again. “But if I do not give it him when he cries, he will scream all day long.” If he does, it is your own fault; for it is in your power effectually to prevent it.” (Sermon: “On the Education of Children”).

Twice he talks about the dangers of grandparents spoiling children:

“And I charge you grandmothers, before God, do not hinder your daughters herein. Do not dare to give the child anything which the mother denies. Never take the part of the children against the parent; never blame her before them. If you do not strengthen her authority, as you ought to do, at least do not weaken it; but if you have either sense or piety left, help her on in the work of real kindness.” (Sermon: “On Obedience to Parents”).

Here’s a great quote on what it means to be a spiritual parent:

“They are supposed to ‘watch over your souls, as those that shall give account’ [Heb. 13:17], ‘As those that shall give account!’ How unspeakably solemn and awful are those words! May God write them upon the heart of every guide of souls!

“‘They watch,’ waking while others sleep, over the flock of Christ; over the souls that he has bought with a price, that he has purchased with his own blood. They have them in their hearts both by day and by night regarding neither sleep nor food in comparison of them. Even while they sleep, their heart is waking, full of concern for their beloved children. ‘They watch,’ with deep earnestness, with uninterrupted seriousness, with unwearied care, patience, and diligence, as they that are about to give an account of every particular soul, to Him that standeth at the door, ­ to the Judge of quick and dead.(Sermon: “On Obedience to Pastors”).

We’re having an interesting discussion over at the discussion board on the topic of Peacemaking and Toddlers.

(Hope you’ll join in!)

Since I know more of you read this blog than the board, I thought I’d post just my reply here.

Please let me know what you think and how YOU parent those toddlers! (Especially regarding peacemaking–but really any parenting wisdom.)

Love to all!
– Tara B.

————

Hi JTS! And how exciting that you got the YP set! I can’t wait to hear how the Lord ministers His grace through you and your twins with these biblical, gospel-infused, Christ-exalting concepts. Hooray! And Yeah, God!

As to specifics ... I would have to say that the foundational principles we worked on with Sophia when she was two (and that we’re still working on now because they are so foundational) were:

1. Authority and Submission
2. Immediate Obedience (without delay and without complaint)
3. Respectful Appeals

We helped her to see that authority is a GOOD thing and that EVERY PERSON is under authority. (Mommy, Daddy, Pastor Jason ... everyone.)

We then helped her to see that “the way of the sinner is HARD” and “there are BLESSINGS that come in obedience.”

Then we worked with her to understand that we all demonstrate our LOVE for GOD by our obedience to Him … and this includes obeying the authority HE has placed in our lives.

We help her to see that NO ONE wants to submit or obey. We ALL have a hard time with this. But that’s why Jesus had to come and live and die and be raised again for us.

So when children get caught in those “MONSTER WANTS!!!!!!” (a “Young Peacemaker” term), there are painful consequences at times, and lots of gospel and grace at times, and usually a combination. (Just like in OUR lives, right?)

(It’s God’s KINDNESS that leads us to repentance.? BUT ... the way of the sinner is HARD. And kids understand the presence of a painful consequence or the removal of a “treat.” It really drives the lesson home and brings out their “me-centered” hearts. Just like OUR me-centered hearts. We all need Jesus. We RUN TO THE CROSS.)

So, for example, in our home ...

If I say, “Sophia, come here please.” She must stop what she is doing immediately and “come right away, without delay, and without complaint.” PERIOD.

(She can’t say, “But I’m playing with my dolls.” Or, “Just a minute, Mom.” Or, “But I want to finish this puzzle!” As Sophia herself would explain to you, the “only appropriate response is, ”Yes, Momma," followed by obedience.)

HOWEVER ... the Young Peacemaker also teaches the concept of a respectful appeal.

(Oh! How I wish every Mom and Dad would understand the BLESSING of teaching this concept to toddlers and preschoolers! It makes for SUCH a nicer / happier / more content home. And LOTS of opportunities to talk about sin, the Cross, Jesus, our Hope!)

Let’s say Sophie is deep into a puzzle and only has ONE more piece to be done. And right then, Fred said, “Sophia, come here please.”

Sophie may NOT say, “Just one more piece, Dad!” (Nope. She would tell you that such a response is DEFIANCE.)

But–we love to bless her! We enjoy giving her grace. And we ALL know how fun it is to finish a puzzle and put in that last piece. So what would happen?

“Sophia, come here please.”

“Yes, Dad.” And Sophie starts HEADING TOWARDS FRED.
(This is obedience.)

And WHILE SHE IS IN THE PROCESS OF OBEYING (on the way to Fred, cheerfully), SHE MAY APPEAL:
“Dad, may I appeal?”
And Fred may say, “Yes, you may appeal.” or “No, you may not appeal.” And Sophie has to submit to his decision.

But if Fred says, “Yes, you may appeal,” then Sophie would say something like, “May I please put the last piece of my puzzle in and then come right away?”

And Fred may say yes or no–and in either case, Sophie must cheerfully obey without delay.

Now you may be reading all that and think, “Why?! Why would you train a two year old that way?”

Preeminently, our heart’s desire is that she would come to know Christ and trust in Him with saving faith. (That she would see her heart and her need for Christ; that she would repent; that she would be regenerated by God; and she would taste that OBEDIENCE IS SWEETER! That we are called to obey God—not because it feels good, but because He is God.)

Pieces of that puzzle are:

1. She is created in God’s image

2. She is tainted by the Fall / she is sinful

3. Her sinful tendency is just like MY sinful tendency and DADDY’s sinful tendency ... all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God ... and that sin is in our HEARTS and it comes out in our words and actions

4. Yes, it is pleasant and “good” to turn away from disrespectful tones of voice, whining, complaining, defiance, rudeness, meanness, etc. BUT ... our prayer and hope and why we parent the way we parent is that we would be calling Sophia to examine her HEART (the “desires that battle within her” when she DOESN’T GET WHAT SHE WANTS)

5. That she would turn away from her “monster wants” and love God more than she loves herself, or that doll, or that treat, or that “after-nap-one-VIDEO” (a frequent struggle and temptation these days)

Does that kind of make sense?
This is why I love Shepherding a Child’s Heart and The Young Peacemaker curriculum. They minister the gospel to MY heart! And they give me tangible ideas and resources and examples to help me (hopefully!) minister the gospel to Sophia as well.

Oh–and one of the key aspects of peacemaking for toddlers/preschoolers, it seems to me ... is the WONDERFUL FULLNESS OF COMPLETE RECONCILIATION.

So ... when the discipline/painful consequence is OVER ...
And she has asked God to forgive her and asked Mommy/Daddy to forgive her ...
It is DONE.
Her sins are removed as far as the east is from the west; they will NOT be counted against her; we will NEVER bring them up again ...
It is OVER. And we can go on into our day fully reconciled and happy and BOY! Is that GREAT.

(Watching Sophie go into the throws of an idolatrous Monster Want “fit” over some treat/pleasure; then watching us discipline/rescue her–or hearing us through a wall if we’ve removed her from in front of people to guard her confidentiality–and then seeing us be able to come out fully, joyfully, happily reconciled ... this has ALL been a HUGE testimony to my unbelieving family. Because prior to watching us (IMPERFECTLY!) discipline and love Sophie in this way, usually when a kid in a different family throws a tantrum, everyone gets ANGRY and MAD at each other and “the day is RUINED” and even after someone YELLS and someone CRIES ... everyone is still STUCK, TRAPPED, FEELING JUST AWFUL.

But see–Jesus came to save us from our sin!
The tantrum sin of the kid.
The angry/frustrated/you’ve embarrassed me sin of the parent.
The defiant heart of the child.
The proud, harsh-toned, selfish heart of the parent.

We ALL need a Rescuer!
We ALL need a Savior!
We ALL need Jesus.

Isn’t it Dan Doriani who says, “Parenting is just big sinners helping little sinners.”

To that, I say, “Amen!”
Oh–and I’d better sign off now.

I’m teaching peacemaking in just a couple of hours here in SC.
Please pray for me if you have a moment!
What a privilege to serve.

Love love love to all!

Yours,
Tara B.

So I really am burning the midnight oil trying to get all of my responsibilities done concerning this mediation AND my upcoming events AND maintain my goal of (trying to!) give my “best time” each day to Fred and Sophia.

(I have NO idea how I used to work this hard in my “old life” as an attorney/consultant in Chicago. Seriously–did we REALLY have that much more energy in our 20’s? I think so!!)

Anyway ... yesterday, Fred and Sophia and I helped some friends in the morning and then ran errands and had fun around town (library, grocery store, health food store, etc.).

While we were out and about, the funniest thing happened ... I could only ask Fred, “Really?! Did you just not see that?! Really?!”

I came out of one of the stores and Fred and Sophie were waiting in the car and Sophia was LICKING THE BOTTOM OF HER SHOE (!!).

You know ... sitting there happily in her car seat; singing to a CD with dad (seated in the front seat and apparently NOT LOOKING BACK AT HIS DAUGHTER. EVER. (Because I could only HOPE that if he had seen her licking her shoe he might have, you know, STOPPED HER.)

LICKING THE BOTTOM OF HER SHOE. “Just because.”

Can you believe it?

It’s like the proverbial, “The house would fall down around the dad when he’s watching the kids” wives' tale.

Not such a tall tale after all, eh?

BLECH. And too funny. And, “No, Sophie, you may not do that again.”

DOUBLE BLECH.

!!

Sophia and I had a fun adventure today ...

Thanks to a sweet invitation from Auntie Judy T., we went to our very first MOVIE (complete with popcorn and everything). And to make the day even MORE fun, our friends T. and Mrs. G. came too. (I’m not using their names because some people don’t like to have their names on the Internet–and I’m not sure how these friends feel about that.)



Everything was great (happy, obedient children; fun treats; an OK movie that we all enjoyed) ... UNTIL ...
(Scary Music!) ...

At the very end, after all of the people had left, the girls were chasing each other around the theater just having fun. Then we headed out of the theater down the LONG hall to the concession area (that was PACKED with people).

The girls got a little far ahead of us and I called for Sophie to, “Freeze!” She did not.
I said, “Sophia, STOP.” She did not.

(Although T. DID OBEY. Immediately.)

But my darling Sophia, instead, took a sharp turn and DASHED into the CROWD–completely and utterly OUT OF OUR SIGHT.

So here’s my Hooray for Mrs. G!

My friend is like a THOUSAND times in better shape than I am.
Plus she’s a RUNNER.
AND she was wearing runnable shoes–unlike me.

And without hesitating she DASHED.
I mean RAN.

She made the corner just as Sophia disappeared into the crowd (and Judy and Teresa and I weren’t even CLOSE).
She chased! (And Sophie CONTINUED TO DISOBEY. Seriously–I have NEVER experienced ANYTHING like this from Sophia before.)

She called out to Sophia. (Who did NOT come to her!)
And FINALLY–she caught up to Sophie. And snatched her.
And brought her to me in TEARS.

I felt so bad.
Here my friend was SHAKING and CRYING ("I couldn’t see her! I couldn’t see her!") because she cared so much about my daughter and she was frightened.

Talk about RUINING a fun outing.
Well–temporarily at least.

Because, of course, there is FORGIVENESS! And this is a great thing.

Sophia apologized to Mrs. G. (through her tears) and was forgiven.
But there were still consequences.
DOUBLE TROUBLE consequences for disobeying Mommy AND disobeying Mrs. G. (and thus, putting herself in a very dangerous situation).

We talked about it all the way home while she cried and cried in the back seat and Daddy listened on the phone.
And when we got home, she had her painful consequence.

But then she was forgiven!

Oh! I am JUST SO GRATEFUL FOR FORGIVENESS! And for the privilege of raising Sophia in a world where she can be forgiven too–all because of Jesus.

(Otherwise, the day really would’ve been ruined!)

After all that, it was time for cuddles and Bible reading and then nappies.
She and I read Jesus' teaching on the Prodigal son.
And how grateful I was to God when we reached the end and the son was forgiven and Sophia said:

"Just like ME, Momma. He was forgiven just like me."

That’s right, dear. That’s right.

Amen & Amen
(And thanks again, Mrs. G! You were my hero today.)

Love to all,
Tara B.

So yesterday morning I sent Sophia upstairs to take off her pj’s and put on “socks, pants, a shirt and some sort of sweater.”

A few minutes later, she calls down, “May I wear SHORTS?”
(Of course ... my reply ... “Darling, it’s winter. Please put on LONG PANTS.”)
“OK, Mom.”

A few minutes after THAT ... she comes downstairs and says, “I obeyed, Momma.”
Wearing ... you know ... her shorts OVER her pants.

I thought, “Hmmmmmmmm ... she’s going to be an interesting kid to raise if this is what I get when she’s THREE.”

!!

And yes, I let her keep on the interesting outfit because I thought, “Well ... she did obey, so OK.”

Kids are so funny.
But I see my heart in her actions too: “Yes, God, obeyed.”

Really?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm ....

Here’s to the God of grace and glory giving His children the desire to obey, honor, and revere Him.
There are many blessings in obedience!
The way of the sinner is HARD.

Thank God for GRACE.

Happy, Happy Friday!

Love to all,
Tara B.