considerable grace

It’s all well and good to study “biblical peacemaking” and to read about the “4 G's” and to profess that God is ALWAYS sovereign and ALWAYS good ...

But when it’s OUR family that is being torn apart ...
our church being shredded into factions ...
our marriage that is suddenly and shockingly OVER ...

It’s just so very, very HARD to REMEMBER what we KNOW to be true:

God IS good and He is ALWAYS working EVERYTHING together for His glory and our good.

Oh, friends!

Please pray for me.

It’s late
I’m alone in another hotel room
(having just finished webcamming with Sophie and Fred)

I WANT to serve well in this ministry opportunity ...
But my heart is so sad.

I feel even a TINY bit of the suffering of my dear brothers and sisters in Christ ...
And I’m just so sad.

What can I do?
Where can I run?
To God.
Only to God.

I worship Him
I adore Him
Though my feelings say otherwise–I DO trust Him.

I pray
I intercede
I cry
I do my best
(I fail miserably! But I do try.)
And then I pray some more.

And now I’ll try to sleep.

Please pray that Christ will be lifted up!
His gospel proclaimed–
The complete, finished redemptive work of God in Christ–
His eternal existence
His life, death, and resurrection.

May we ALL believe that the SAME POWER that raised Christ from the dead IS at work in each one of us
by grace
by faith.

No matter what we feel.
No matter how bleak the situation.
Lonely, hurting, frightening ...
Dark, uncomfortable, unpleasant ...

May we all remember that though this life is nothing but a constant death ...
Nothing can ULTIMATELY harm us.
For God IS at work!
And NOTHING can thwart God.

Thank you for your prayers!

With love from your tired (but hopeful) friend,
Tara B.

It hit me that I haven’t posted on my “peace with FOOD” struggles in a little while, so I thought I’d share a little something that’s been new for me in 2007 ...

I gave up SODA for the ENTIRE YEAR.

Yup–I haven’t had ANY soda (not even diet!) since December.
And MAN has it been STRANGE.

First of all–it’s been hard. (I knew it would be. That’s why I was compelled to give it up. I didn’t WANT to!)

Second of all–it’s helped me to say NO to a LOT of fast food. (Somehow that greasy stuff doesn’t seem as appealing without the ACID of soda to cut through it and make it more palatable. Fries & WATER? Eeek! Ick.)

Thirdly–MAN have I been drinking a LOT of water. I’ve probably drank more water in the last four months than I’ve drank in the last four YEARS because I really was drinking way too much soda.

And lastly–I’m very, very grateful to God for giving me the grace to repent in this way.

Soda in and of itself is not the problem–the problem is ME.
My heart.
My desires.
My “Monster Wants” (to quote The Young Peacemaker).

I was overindulging in soda just like I am tempted to overindulge in so many other things.
What could’ve been an “innocent pleasure” had turned an ugly corner into a RULING LUST that was seeking to control me.

Simply said–I wanted it too much.
And so I had to give it up.

Maybe God’ll give it back to me.
(Fred says he’ll be standing there at 12:01AM, January 1 with a nice cold COKE in his hands for me. )

Or maybe I’ll have to give soda up forever.

Whatever the case–this I know.
Jesus is sweeter.
And by God’s grace–I want to OBEY more than I want to enjoy that (Um! Yum!) delicious soda.

Grace grace grace.
Thank You, God.
And God bless you all who, like me, struggle with making an idol out of food.

Your friend,
Tara B.

Molly R. has another stellar post over at Brittle Crazy Glass and I encourage you to check it out.

I’ll tempt you with just a few lines (an excerpt from a book she is reading by M. Volf):

"After I finished my lecture Professor Jurgen Moltmann stood up and asked one of his typical questions, both concrete and penetrating: ‘But can you embrace a cetnik?’

It was the winter of 1993. For months now the notorious Serbian fighters called “cetnik” had been sowing desolation in my native country, herding people into concentration camps, raping women, burning down churches, and destroying cities. I had just argued that we ought to embrace our enemies as God has embraced us in Christ. Can I embrace a cetnik – the ultimate other, so to speak, the evil other? What would justify the embrace? Where would I draw the strength for it? ...

It was a difficult book to write. My thought was pulled in two different directions by the blood of the innocent crying out to God and by the blood of God’s Lamb offered for the guilty. How does one remain loyal both to the demand of the oppressed for justice and to the gift of forgiveness that Christ offered to the perpetrators?"

I’m just starting to SLOWLY read through all of the cards that came in after we lost the baby two weeks ago ... and I am so very, very grateful for the encouragement, prayers, kindness, and vulnerability in each card.

MANY of you shared that you have experienced a similar loss–what a comfort it is to know that we are not alone in our grief and sadness. Not only is the Son of God–the Suffering Servant–able to relate to our sorrow (The Man of Sorrows!)–but we also have sweet fellowship within the Body, even as we weep.

Thanks, especially, to my friends at Wintersburg! (Can you believe that a past event would gather women to sign a card and write notes to me? Wow! It was like a tender hug.)

AND to my dear friends at the Women in the Church (WIC) ministry of my denomination (the PCA). I missed seeing you all at leadership training! But I was praying for you and I’m SURE it was a great time for all.

Today has already been a slow day of cuddles and books and playtime ... and soon yummy cinnamon rolls (if I don’t burn them!). We have some tasks to accomplish and a lot of rest to enjoy (hopefully).

(I’ve slept the last two nights! What a grace.)

Hope your Saturday is a good combination of work and rest–and preparation for corporate worship tomorrow.

Love to all,
Tara B.

PS
Look whose curiosity (and water-dog-retriver-tendencies) got the best of her during Sophia’s bath time this week? She surprised us all by taking a nose-dive off of Fred’s lap. SO FUNNY!

I’m thinking about putting together a book proposal for my publisher on the topic of Peacemaking Mamas–Growing in Grace Through the Childrearing Years (or something along those lines).

Just brainstorming, I was thinking that the “peace with God, others, and within” structure might still be good and would lend itself to topics like:

PEACE WITH GOD
1. Questioning God
2. Doubting My Identity
3. Failing in (& Returning to) the Disciplines of Grace

PEACE WITH OTHERS
4. Childrearing is Hard
5. Parenting and Marriage
6. Other Interested Parties (Like In-Laws!)
7. Friendships Change (or Disappear?)
8. New Relationships (Often with Unbelievers)
9. The Joy of Redemptive Relationships

PEACE WITHIN
10. Surprised by New Temptations and Sins
11. Envy, Dissatisfaction, and Loneliness
12. Resting in Christ

I’m thinking it’ll be like HALF the length of Peacemaking Women (i.e., much more accessible for busy moms!) and hopefully funny and encouraging as well as biblically faithful and God-centered.

So what do you think?
Should I put a proposal together?
What am I forgetting?
What do you really like?

(Oh–and if EVER there was a time for EVERYONE to leave a COMMENT–this is it. PLEASE DO! Then I can show the publisher how much interest there is even off of our tiny little site here. You can be COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS–just say, “Yes!” or “Go for it!” or “I’d buy that book!” )

OK–back to puppy playing. Lili is learning to “sit” and “off” already! Very fun.

Happy Saturday all–

Your friend,
Tara B.

Are you looking for a biblical, practical, and WONDERFUL VBS curriculum?

If so ... look no further! The “Peacemaker Clubs” curriculum that my pastor developed in our PCA church is ready and currently available on my resources page.



I mention this again because I’ve been selling these for my pastor left & right! (It must be that time of year or something.)

I hope you’ll check it out and tell a friend too! It’s a great help to the children, their families, and entire churches. PLUS, it’s a great way to reach out to your neighborhood/community because EVERYONE has kids who fight.

("Hi! I’m from ABC Church and we’re hosting a kids club this summer to help them learn how to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner. Do your kids ever have conflicts? Oh–HOW MANY kids did you want to sign up?")



Enjoy and God bless!
– Tara B.

(HT to Molly R. for this great quote!)

"It is the order of grace that Christians are instrumentally dependent upon each other; as we grow they grow; as they grow we grow. Whatever we do for their benefit is for our own; whatever they do for our benefit is for their own. Thus, it is not only our duty, but our best interest to impart freely all of God’s gifts to us for the benefit of our fellow Christians." George Bethune

(Anyone know who George Bethune was?)

In the last year, I remember reading a website of a mom who accidentally caused the death of her son. (A car accident where he ran out behind their SUV without warning.)

It was a beautiful, poignant testimony to God’s sovereignty and goodness even in the midst of this unbelievably tragic situation ... and I want to share the website with a friend, but I can’t find it!

Do any of you know the site?
Could you post it in a comment or email it to me?

I’d be grateful!

(Oh–and big news! Sophie can SWIM! Whoooooo-hoooooo! I’m excited.)

Love to all,
Tara B.

I couldn’t sleep last night. I won’t bother to list out all of the “reasons” why ... but it was hard and scary and I was incredibly troubled in my spirit.

At one point, I turned to Fred and said, “I think I’m going crazy.”
To which he replied: “You’re not crazy, Tara. You’re just sad.”

I could never merit this husband! This friend.
Such kindness and mercy.
All of my freakiness not driving him away–but even back in our courtship, just bringing out more of his stable, solid, patient love.

Thank You, God, for Fred!
And thank You for Your kindness and grace, reflected in my husband.

Blessed Thursday to you all–
Remember! It’s OK to be sad at times.

Your friend,
Tara B.

PS
Soph was so sweet last night ... actually she was ROTTEN, but what was sweet was when she turned to Fred and me and said, “Maybe you could pray for me.” And we said, “What a good idea!” And so we did. What a grace!

Mrs. A. posted a great quote over at PeaceGals:

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." Victor Hugo

(It was especially timely because I couldn’t SLEEP last night.)

Thanks for the reminder that God is awake, Mrs. A!

OK–back to work.

Love to all,
Tara B.

Ahhhh! A little progress. A tiny glimpse of God’s work of sanctification and growth in grace in my life.
Ahhhh! Thanks, God. What a gift.

Here’s what happened ...
I was looking around my–organized but dusty–home trying to figure out what toys and books had to be moved in order to make room for our small group ...
And I saw poor Deac ("Deke").

Deac is the PLANT that my family sent Fred when he was ordained as a Deacon in our little Presbyterian church. (Hence the name–Deac).

Apparently, my ability to keep plants alive rivals only my ability to (not) cook ...
And there sat ol' poor Deac with fifteen YELLOW/DEAD leaves. Not good.

Not wanting our small group to have to look at that sad plant all night, I grabbed the scissors and started clipping away.

But here’s the grace ...
I had a plant JUST LIKE DEAC back in college.
(My dad had actually sent it to me after my last series of eye muscle surgeries.)
And many, many, MANY times that plant looked just like Deac (not good) and I had to cut away lots of dead leaves.

But in the past, I used to think:

"What a failure! How stupid am I? I can’t even keep a dumb old plant alive. Ugh! I can’t believe it–I’ll never get my act together. Who would ever want to marry me? I’d be the worst homemaker EVER!"

But LAST NIGHT, I just thought:

"Poor ol' Deac. Good thing he’s rugged–bet he comes back from this. But if not–oh well. It’s just a plant. And as Fred always says–I obviously have other gifts."

And then I went on to play with my dog and kid and get ready for study.

Now THAT’S progress!
(Oh–and if you compare this post to the one from yesterday, maybe, like me, you’ll wonder, “Is this hormones or WHAT?”)

Anyway–MUCH to do today.
Four events in the next two weeks (please pray for me!)–and that dvd study guide still looms (must tackle!).

Love you all,
Tara B.

(BEFORE my previous morose post ... )

My friend sent me an email today and one line said:

"And His banner over us is LOVE!"

What a great reminder.

And what a friend too.

Remember that His banner IS over you!
And His banner is love.

Amen.

We have had a horrible day around here. Not horrible in the “true horror” of actual loss / presence of evil / real suffering in this fallen world ...

Just annoyingly BLECH.

It really started last night–EVERYONE was in a bad mood. And tired. And cranky.

Family worship and devotions only gave us all more opportunities to grouse–even while we were trying to read and worship and pray together! AUGH! Our wicked hearts!

We were all reconciled by the end of the day and hoping for a good day today.
(Yeah, right.)

Instead we had grouchy hearts again. AND some defiance/whining from Sophia.
We were running late trying to get out the door (of course).
And I tripped over the puppy gate and TOTALLY GASHED MY KNEE.
Instant huge bruise! Bleeding! The whole bit.

And WHY were we running out the door? To get to my CAN YOU SAY NOT FUN first doctor’s appointment after the miscarriage (of course).
(Yeah, I was really looking forward to THAT.)

So yes, I apologized to Sophia and she to me.
(I’m so grateful that she is so quick to forgive me!! I can be the world’s worst mother some days.)

There we are–cranking through the morning–doing OK, not great, but bearable.

So then I reach out to a few friends on my cell phone as we’re running errands.
And then I’m reminded of something that makes me very sad.
(Because, you know, I didn’t really think my day could get any worse.)

It’s not an offense.
There’s no conflict.
It’s just reality and it hurts ...

I have a certain friend in my life whom, well, I enjoy more than she enjoys me.
That’s just the way it is.

She loves me! I know this.
And she is a dear, dear friend.
BUT ...

The truth is that I’m sure I consider her a closer friend than she considers me.
I’ve always known this–and so I just enjoy the friendship she shares with me and don’t expect or look for any more.

BUT ... but ... but ...
After “that” appointment ...
With a very sore knee ...
And I think my hormones as completely OUT OF WHACK as you can imagine ...
And feeling tired and lonely and scared and CONCERNED about some projects I have on my to-do list ...
Having just dropped off my maternity clothes at a crisis pregnancy shelter ...
And thinking (based on the tone of voice I used this morning with my daughter), that I’m pretty much the worst mother ever ...

I think I just didn’t need that reminder right then.

Ahh–but such is life.
And the truth is that I really enjoy this gal! She’s been a blessing to me for years and I thank God for her.

Can’t be wigging out when our hopes/expectations are not met, can we?
Nothing good to be gained there.

Just life.
Feels good to even just journal/blog/pray it out.
And let it go.

I’m a blessed woman!
Clean water–a warm home
Salvation and the hope and assurance of my ultimate Home one day
A loving husband and a dear (even when she’s driving me CRAZY) daughter
Even a Golden named Lilikoi.

Who am I to complain?
But I do think I’ll go and have a good cry now.

Even Jesus wept, right?
I know that it’s OK to grieve. And so I shall.

Love to all!

Your friend,
Tara B.

PS
Just so you don’t think I’m TOO lost in the depths of despair ...
I AM reminding myself that no matter WHAT my sins or offenses are toward my daughter, God’s grace is toward me and there is forgiveness.

Oh–and I’m also remembering that it won’t always feel like this. Just a bad day. No biggie.

In addition to launching our groovy PeaceGals discussion board, Fred and I tackled another technology task when I had him “cornered” on an island last week ...

He taught me how to look at some (anonymous) details about who visits my blog.

It’s pretty amazing & humbling & at times ... kind of funny too.

TRULY AMAZING
We’ve had over 3,000 visitors to this blog in April alone!

We’ve had visits from people from across the USA (Missouri, Washington, Hawaii, Georgia, New York, South Carolina, Oregon, Florida, California, Maryland, Colorado, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Okalahoma, Illinois, Montana, and MORE!) ... and even from all over the world (Brazil, Australia, Taiwan, Canada, Finland, and MORE!).

I really thought that there were like THREE of us reading this blog ... my mom, Fred, and me (to proof read and look at the cute pictures of Sophia and now Lili).

Until I saw that–hey! someone is actually out there reading this thing!–I was thinking seriously about taking it down. (Back to journaling privately, eh?) But maybe I’ll keep it up for a little while anyway ...

HUMBLING
I was VERY humbled at some of the search terms that brought people to this blog:

- Help for Christian marriage restoration
- Cruel parents
- I’m struggling with sin will God forgive me?
- Christian marriage unhappy
- Jesus forgive me of my condemning sin; please change my black heart within
- why is it so hard for me to repent each time i try to
- In the bible help with bitterness toward a friend
- Struggle with turning from sin
- What does the Bible say about sloth?
- falsely accused how to respond
- Making amends mother-in-law
- trusting people that have hurt you as a christian
- I’m fat and tired and scared

Wow. Can you even BEGIN to think about the stories behind those search terms? I prayed for each one and I will continue to do so now that I know how to access this information. Truly humbling.

FUNNY
'Course, there were some funny search terms too:

- What do I do when I get frustrated
- dolphin tummies
- licking her shoe
- shnug puppies
- golden doodle
- girls thomas the tank clothes

OK–it’s late and we should get some sleep.

THANKS to everyone who stops by! Hope to get to “meet” you in a comment one of these days.

Love ya and God bless ya!
– Tara B.

PS
Have you joined PeaceGals and emailed me your snail-mail address to let me know you’ve joined PeaceGals and POSTED SOMETHING? I still have some FREE copies of The Peacemaker and When People are Big and God is Small to give away! So please join today.

I opened up a SUPER FUN package in the mail today ... the Korean version of our book, Peacemaking Women, was released by Baker!



(Lili finds it fascinating ... )



Pretty fun to see the “Slippery Slope” in Korean, eh?

Love to all and Happy Monday,
Tara B.

We pray for and support a missionary in Iraq, “RL.” He led the short-term missions team I was on to Outer Mongolia in 1991 (his family stayed on full-time and moved to Iraq soon after our brave forces liberated those precious people).

A few weeks ago, robbers broke into their home when RL was away teaching at a Bible conference. The robbers stole pretty much everything they had and then went on to BEAT Mrs. RL and their three children.

I wept as I read their letter last month. And now I’m weeping as I read the one that arrived today.

Do you know they’ve been responding to the robbers (who were quickly caught and thrown into jail)? By seeking justice, yet, but also by DOING MERCY.

They visit the robbers in prison. They bring them food. They share the gospel with them. They even petitioned to have one of the men released when it was clear that he was not actually involved in the crime beyond having made the tragic error of confirming where the RL’s lived. (And he is extremely sorry and repentant.)

Can you imagine? RL describes his family’s work and ministry like this:

"It is grace like this for which we have been created. I can’t help but wonder what the jailer at the prison and some of the guards think as they have listened to the gospel and watched us come with unconditional love. And now to see us work so hard to have a prisoner released to whom none of them or their own countrymen would give a second thought ...

This has to be the greatest job in the world."

God bless you, RL! Thank you for helping us all to remember the gospel.

Congratulations “MowHouse”! You won the Hawaii event drawing for the $99 Peacemaker Group Study!

Hope you enjoy–

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
I still have some FREE copies of The Peacemaker and When People are Big and God is Small to give away! I hope that you’ll consider joining our “new & improved” PeaceGals discussion board and then email me your snail-mail address to let me know you’ve joined PeaceGals and POSTED SOMETHING. The first 10 people who join and participate will get a free book!

(Don’t forget–I NEVER give your contact information to ANYONE! I think people who do that are just awful.)

(Don’t worry! I promise not to turn this blog into the “all Goldens all the time” blog ... but I REALLY wanted you to see this picture. )

Is THIS the way to blog or what?



I had no idea I could type and hold a Golden on my chest too.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Thank You, God, for Lili.

The BEST trip to the airport to date!



Welcome, Lili!
(Pronounced “Lilly.”)

Inspired by a jar of jam in Hawaii: Lilikoi. “Passion Fruit.” A yellow fruit–appropriate for a name for a Golden Retriever puppy, don’t you think?



We love you already!

Your pack,
Daddy, Mommy, and Sophia Grace

I am in a VERY odd place physically right now–having been up since 6AM Wednesday morning in Hawaii; being up right now at 10:15PM Thursday in Montana and about to leave for the airport to pick up our new Golden Retriever puppy, Lilikoi ("Lilly"); and having to wake up at 4:30AM (tomorrow? my body wonders what DAY IT IS!!??!!) to take my parents to the airport to head home.

Seriously.
I set three alarms: one for 10:00PM (get the puppy); one for 4:30AM (take parents to airpot); and one for 7:30AM (must get Fred to a meeting!).
Weird.

ANYWAY ... I’ve been thinking a lot in my sleepless state about how strange grief is.
Or maybe–how strange I AM, particularly in regards to grief.

For instance ... why did I FREAK OUT SO MUCH when my sweet Golden Retriever, Choza, died last December?

But then NOT completely and utterly fall apart when we lost the baby last week? (Only ten days ago! I can’t believe it.)

Do I care more about a DOG?
Is a dog more important than a covenant child with a SOUL?
OF COURSE NOT!

So what’s going on?
I don’t know, of course. Not really. Not 100%.

But I’ve been thinking about how our grief concerning our lost child is a grief that has to do with POTENTIAL joy and POTENTIAL sorrow. (I.e., we never saw him or her; death came even before the first ultrasound or heartbeat.)

But with Choza, I had experienced true companionship and happiness and “real” (tangible) evidences of God’s grace to me during this life day after day after day for YEARS. And that was a loss.

Plus–I FELT SUCH GUILT OVER CHOZA’S DEATH! Truly. I blamed myself for not keeping her safe. I’m crying now, in fact, even just thinking about it.

But with the baby? Even I–Tara–SO PRONE to self-condemnation!–can’t come up with a way to blame myself for the miscarriage of this (precious! loved!) child. I was sitting there and then I started hemorrhaging and then the baby was gone. Almost immediately. As soon as it started it was over. I couldn’t stop it or affect any more than I could stop the sun from rising or affect the rotation of the earth.

So I think a lot of my freaking out with Choza was not so much grief and it was GUILT. And I had to ask for God’s forgiveness and then trust in His forgiveness–not just for my sins, but His grace to cover my mistakes and inadequacies and humanness too.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about grief is how, sometimes, it seems like the “BIG STUFF” almost has a–not less, but different–effect than the smaller losses in day to day life.

Like God’s grace just POURS OUT in such a HUGE and TANGIBLE way right when we need it ... that we are carried.
But at other times, He gives us grace as we kick a bit in the pool to keep our heads above water.

'Course, the realities of life and not having any TIME to sit and have a good cry also come in at times too, eh?

WELL ... if any of this is making ANY sense ... I wanted to let you all know about an opportunity to help someone who is in a HUGE, OVERWHELMINGLY DIFFICULT, grievous situation. She is a young mom with young children (one of whom has special needs) and she was recently diagnosed with cancer. And she could use our help.

(It’s not a scam. Really. I’m the most skeptical human on the earth. Trust me. Check it out. And consider giving too. We did–and again, no “help my husband in Nairobi and get rich” email scam here. This the real thing.)

You’ll be glad you did.

Gotta go get Lili now.
Pics coming soon! Of course.

Love ya,
Tara B.

Don’t forget! All it takes to win a FREE copy of one of my all-time favorite books EVER (Ed Welch’s When People are Big and God is Small) is to join our “new & improved” PeaceGals discussion board and POST A COMMENT/QUESTION/PRAYER REQUEST/WHATEVER and then email me your snail-mail address and let me know!

AND ... to entice you even more (and hopefully get some LIFE going on the board!) ... once the 10 copies of When People are Big and God is Small are gone (as of 2:30 Thursday, they’re almost gone!), I’ll add ANOTHER giveaway for the NEXT ten who join ...

I’ll send you a FREE copy of the CLASSIC biblical peacemaking book, Ken Sande’s The Peacemaker!

(Ooooooh! I love getting biblical & practical resources into the hands of women.)

Happy Thursday–

Yours,
Tara B.

If you ever try to join our discussion board and fail to get approved in, please email me and let me know.

We have to screen out TONS of SPAM every day and sometimes we miss a REAL applicant.

Thanks thanks thanks!

Your friend,
Tara B.

Fred and I have been working on my website, blog, and our little PeaceGals discussion board too.

I just finished an hour of CATEGORIZING my blog entries. (Oh why oh WHY was I so lazy to not categorize them as I went? It takes two SECONDS to do it right the first time and a minute per entry to have to go back. UGH! What a good reminder to turn away from my habitual temptation to SLOTH.)

AND I really hope you’ll check out the “new & improved” PeaceGals discussion board!

It’s JUST getting started and we hope to do more improvements and a big “relaunch” some time this summer (when my DVDs are ready for production), but in the interim, what can I do to entice y'all to register for PeaceGals??

How about this:

(Since I know most of you already have my book and CDs) ... I’ll send a FREE copy of one of my all-time favorite books EVER, Ed Welch’s When People are Big and God is Small, to the first TEN newcomers to the board who email me their snail-mail addresses and let me know they’ve joined PeaceGals and POSTED A COMMENT/QUESTION/PRAYER REQUEST/WHATEVER.

(Don’t forget–I NEVER give your contact information to ANYONE! I think people who do that are just awful.)

Sound like fun?
I hope you’ll join PeaceGals and let your friends know too.

Happy Wednesday!
–Tara B.

Just got off of the phone with my mom and BOY! is Sophia having a wonderful time with Grandpa and Granma. A few of my favorite highlights from our call:

- Soph actually beat my mom in CandyLand. For real. (Totally cracked me up.)

- My stepdad, Charlie, was initially cautious about taking care of Sophie (he hasn’t been around a lot of preschoolers lately) ... he loves her, but he was nervous. But over the course of the week, she has climbed up into his lap, brought him books to read to her, hugged him, kissed him, asked for his help (and received PERFECTLY COMPETENT HELP) enough times that now, HE’S ALL OVER THE GRANDPA THING. (And loving it of course.) He even beat my mom up and out of bed in the night when Sophie cried out (she’s getting another ear infection!) and comforted her back to sleep. SO SWEET!

- Our small group met in our home last night and apparently, another “white haired old man Texan” (our “Grandpa Bill” from our covenant church family) and Charlie had them rolling in the aisles with tales of “the old days.” (Wish I could’ve heard 'em.)

At anyrate–they’re all having a great time (which I knew they would) and I’m really grateful that mom and Charlie are there to take care of her.

One thing from the call made my momma’s heart a little sad, though ...

When Sophie got on the phone to visit with me, she asked if the puppy ("Lili") was going to come this week and said, “YES!” (Hooray!) But the very next thing she asked was, “Did the puppy DIE, Momma?”

(!!)

“No, honey, the puppy didn’t die. Lili will be here in just a couple of DAYS.”
“And we’ll give her kisses, Momma?”
“Yes, dear.”
“And toys and scritches and take her on WALKS together?”
“You bet!”

But isn’t that just so SAD that a three year old is even THINKING about the puppy dying?
I guess she’s had “a lot” of death in the last few months. (Not a lot compared to some kids of course, but you know, a lot for her.)

It just makes me sad that she even has to think about it all.
But of course she does–until Heaven.
Life in a fallen world.
Death is NOT the final word ... but it is present until Glory.

Thinking about all this, I was reminded of another wonderful essay by a dear sister in the faith, Carolyn McCulley, at Solo Femininity. She wrote it after the horrors of this week in Virginia:

Tears No More

I encourage you to take a few moments and check it out–I trust it will minister to you like it ministered to me.

We head to the airport tonight at like 6PM to fly all night and get home tomorrow around noon. (Eek! Are we going to be TIRED or WHAT?!)

Hope you enjoy a wonderful Wednesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

(HT to Jill Carattini. Again!)

"Let no one grieve at his poverty,
for the universal kingdom has been revealed.

Let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again;
for forgiveness has risen from the grave.

Let no one fear death,
for the Death of our Savior has set us free.

He has destroyed it by enduring it."

(John Chrysostom’s Easter homily)

(HT to “Don’t Try This at Home” for the link. )

Our time in Hawaii is almost over–we’ve had a “tough time” roughing it for Jesus.

Note to self–no matter how cool your South Carolina dvd haircut is–don’t bother with the HAIR STRAIGHTENER when you take a trip to Hawaii.



A very nice way to start the day ...





Fred tells me that he has to fight a LOT of “Y-Chromosome tendencies” every time he has to drive his 'Stang over the marine base RUNWAY to get to our cabin ... the laws & signs & strong men with big guns are PERFECTLY CLEAR that we are to simply CROSS THE RUNWAY without slowing down or stopping.

But apparently my “steady Freddy type-B Presbyterian deacon husband” still thinks, “Hmmmm ... wonder what would happen if I took a SHARP TURN and headed down this runway and REALLY SAW what this car can DO!?!?” ("We’d be spending a night in the BRIG," lawyer-wife reminds him.)

(Someone from the church where I taught rented this car for us as a gift for the week.)



This is the drive that PALM-TREE-PUNDIT takes to COSTCO each week. Fun, huh?



Heading home tomorrow! Thank you, Hawaii!

I was very blessed to get to worship at Trinity Church yesterday. What a joy to gather with the saints and enjoy corporate prayer, worship, and the ministration of God’s grace through the preaching of His Word!

If I could, I would re-live the entire service for you ... but instead, I’ll share just a few (of the many!) things that I continue to think about and pray over since the close of the service yesterday:

- I loved the liturgy! Having come to faith as a teenager in a “stodgy old” Lutheran church (Spirit-filled! Vibrant! Alive!)–and having reveled in the creeds and confessions and “old hymns” (and loved it!), I really like being in churches with liturgy.

- They used a “Valley of Vision” prayer during the “Confession” time of the service and I thought, “MAN! Those Puritans knew what they were talking about!”

"Mighty King, Creator of Heaven and Earth, we, your children of dust come before you with humility. We have no robe to cover our sins, no loom to weave our own righteousness. We are always standing in filthy garments, and by grace we are always receiving a change of clothes–for you alone justify the ungodly. We are always going into the far country, and always returning home as a prodigal; always saying, “Father, forgive me”–and you are always bringing forth the best robe.

Every morning let me wear it; every evening return in it; go out to the day’s work in it; stand before the great white throne in it; enter heaven in its shining as the sun.

Grant me never to lose sight of the exceeding sinfulness of sin, the exceeding righteousness of salvation, the exceeding glory of Christ, and exceeding beauty of holiness, and exceeding wonder of grace."

- And then they quoted John Calvin’s Institutes and I thought, “Man! That John Calvin knew what he was talking about!”

"In like manner, how richly does he supply us with the means of contemplating his mercy when, as frequently happens, he continues to visit miserable sinners with unwearied kindness, until he subdues their depravity, and woos them back with more than a parent’s fondness?"

- And then I took two pages of notes on Pastor Todd’s (wonderful!) sermon on the prodigal son (thanks for your ministry, Pastor Todd!). It was so good to be reminded that the context for the prodigal son actually starts at verse ONE of chapter 15 (of Luke) when Jesus' propensity to hang around with “unholy” people really bothered the Pharisees and that it was a real “problem” that Jesus didn’t just tolerate “them” (the “unrighteous”) ... he actually enjoyed and CHOSE to be with them.

- How good it was to be reminded of JUST HOW AWFUL the prodigal son really was! That what he did was OUTRAGEOUS and INEXCUSABLE! The he, the son, was UNLOVABLE by ANY human standard. He was in “over the top moral decline.” ... This was SO encouraging because, of course, WE ARE ALL THE PRODIGAL SON. We are! And as we all know–we will only experience GRACE to the extent we begin to grasp the depth of our SIN. ("Tell me what you think about sin and I’ll tell you what you think about grace.")

- I was VERY convicted by kind of an “off-hand” comment Pastor Todd made about people who are self-righteous about the self-righteous. (Oooh! Ouch! Good point, Pastor.)

- And of course, I was moved to WORSHIP THE TRIUNE GOD as I remembered how the dignified patriarch father embarrassed himself in front of his entire community when he pulled his robe UP and RAN to his son. It wasn’t “regal”; it was in NO way deserved by his son ... but it was initiated by the father and the reconciliation was COMPLETE because of the FATHER (the KISS!) ... and the son could contribute NOTHING to his forgiveness and restoration as a son. (Just like us.)

- And then they included a Derek Webb song with the lyrics: "All her debts were cast on Me, and she must and shall go free."

The entire worship service was a sweet grace. I am grateful for Pastor and Mrs. Capen; Jason and Erin; Elder and Mrs. Burkhalter; Elder and Mrs. Malone; Deacons Young and Powers. Thank you for your ministry!

May God bless this church, I pray.

Aloha,
Tara B.

Sophia is having an AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL time with Grandpa Charlie and Granma Kathy (my stepdad and mom). Seriously ... books & games & playtime & happiness, and, well, that kid is going to think her life is SO BORING when we get home in a couple of days.

(Here’s a quote I say a lot, “Soph, I love ya'. But you’re a creative kid. Please go figure out something to do because Momma could use a break right now. Thanks and be safe and let me know if you need anything.” !!)

BUT ... my Momma heart went ZING a little bit (Oh, my sweet muffin! I miss you so much!) when my mom told me that yesterday Sophia said:

"Granma? I think it’s time for Momma to come home now."

Yes, dear. I know.
Momma will be home soon.

(I just start to physically CRAVE her after like 48 hours, you know?)

But we’re having a great time in Hawaii–my responsibilities serving at the event are done now and Fred and I are working a little and resting a lot and just enjoying our time together.

(I’ll try to post another pic or two when I can.)

Happy Monday, all!

Yours,
Tara B.

Aloha & hello and happy, blessed Sabbath to you all!

Fred and I have been up for a while because our bodies are still on Montana time ... and we’re just out here enjoying the beautiful ocean view as we prepare for worship in a couple of hours.

(I’m back now ... Fred just “interrupted” me to read me Psalm 29:

"Ascribe to the Lord, O heavenly beings, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness. The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord, over many waters. The voice of the Lord is powerful; the voice of the Lord is full of majesty."

Quite an interruption, eh?)

I hope that all of my new friends at this Hawaii women’s retreat will join our discussion board in the next week–and then be sure to drop me an email and let me know so that I can enter you in the drawing for a $99 Peacemaker Ministries Group Study! It’ll be fun to package it up and send it back here to the island when I pick a name next Sunday.

I’ll close out with a few pics from our “suffering for Jesus” trip thus far. (Yeah, right. Are you kidding? “The island way” / "the aloha way" has blessed our SOCKS off! We’re sockless with all of this luxurious, restful, amazingly beautiful and generous kindness!)

First, Fred’s view as he works / relaxes on our deck (he laughs and says, “Really, Tara? My BED-HEAD and all?”) Yup. You bet:



And here I am, TRYING to learn how to NOT repeat the dog-training mistakes I made with Choza:



(Our puppy should come as soon as we get home at the end of this week! What do you guys think of “Lili” for a female Golden Retriever’s name? I was “inspired” by the “lilikoi” name of my JAR OF PRESERVES this morning as I went to make toast. Hah hah. Poor pup–what a reason to get a name. But I think Lili ("Lilly") is a nice name. Any thoughts?)

Last picture (saving the best for last!) and my favorite ... DRUM ROLL PLEASE ... ladies and gentlemen, it’s PALM-TREE-PUNDIT-HERSELF!



I was so excited to get to meet her in person! She is wonderful–as is her Navy pilot hubby ("PalmPilot" of course!)–and it’s super-fun to get to meet her in “real life.”

(Fred reminded me that since I’ve now met TULIPGIRL and PALM-TREE-PUNDIT, if I ever get to meet SOLO FEMININITY, I’ll have hit the TRIFECTA of Reformed Women bloggers! Super fun!)

OK–better start getting ready for church now.

Thanks again, Hawaii, for this wonderful opportunity to serve! (And to rest too.)

With love (aloha!),
Tara B.

PS
It’s so funny, but Fred and I KEEP having a tendency to say things like, “Want me to check and see if Sophie is up?” or, “Do you have the kid?” It really is strange to not have her with us ... good and restful and a blessing of course. But strange too ... I’m glad we miss her even as we’re enjoying some time together. And HOW GLAD I am that Fred and I still have things to talk about! I think I was a little nervous ... like ... “Are we still best friends?” "Do we have a relationship that goes beyond parenting any more?" “Are we capable of spending time together without the kid? What will we talk about?”

BUT ... of course ... Fred is still Fred and I find him fascinating and kind and fun. So it’s a real blessing. Might even motivate us to try to spend time together ("date night"??) without the Sophia when we get home too. !!

Another STELLAR essay by Jill Carattini over at Ravi Zacharias Ministries:

"Like Him We Rise"

I’ll tempt you with just a few lines wherein she quotes Walter Wangerin:

Author Walter Wangerin Jr. once wrote, “The difference between shallow happiness and a deep, sustaining joy is sorrow. Happiness lives where sorrow is not. When sorrow arrives, happiness dies. It can’t stand pain. Joy, on the other hand, rises from sorrow and therefore can withstand all grief. Joy, by the grace of God, is the transfiguration of suffering into endurance, and of endurance into character, and of character into hope–and the hope that has become our joy does not (as happiness must for those who depend upon it) disappoint us.”

I’m thinking about this topic a LOT this week as I process the fact that, unless I am mistaken, every Easter from now until Glory will always bring our family a special remembrance of the child we lost this week. (Especially so since I started to miscarry during the afternoon of Easter Sunday.)

People have been so kind to reach out to us with notes, cards, letters, flowers ... friendship and love.
We ARE comforted.

And honestly? Even as we GULP every time we mistakenly say something like, “Yes, Sophie, I’m having my vitamins to help the BABY grow healthy and ... well, I mean, it’s good to take our vitamins, right?!” or when Fred prays, “And thank You God, for helping our baby to grow healthy and ... oh, I mean, thank You for our precious baby who is in Heaven with you right now ...”

Even then, I have to say ... we have much joy.
And hope.
And comfort.

I guess that’s why her essay resonated so strongly with me.
(Plus, I’m just a HUGE Jill Carattini devotee! I think I should start a fan club or something. )

Hope you’ll take the time to click through – and also please do consider supporting Ravi Zacharias Ministries.

Aloha! And God bless you–

Your friend,
Tara B.

Just a quick note to say hello to any of Char Binkley’s listeners who might be visiting after our radio interview this morning ... Hi & Aloha! I’m still awake (even though it’s like 4AM here) because it was so much FUN to get to be with you all.

I hope you won a copy of our book, Peacemaking Women, in Char’s giveaway!

How about a giveaway of our own?

The first three women who heard the interview this morning and email me to let me know will win a free copy of my 5-CD Women’s Retreat series.

(Oh–and I’ll NEVER give your contact information to ANYONE! I hate it when people do that. )

The women’s retreat where I am speaking starts tonight, so I think I’ll try to get a little more sleep now. (My alarm was sent for 2:45AM–how funny is that?)

God bless you all and much love to you,
Tara B.

THANK YOU for all of the amazingly kind and encouraging notes! You are a true blessing to me and I’m sure that just as soon as I can sit for more than five minutes, I’ll probably have another good ol' cry.

BUT ... right now I’m in “get packed / make sure Granma & Grandpa have what they need to keep the kid alive for a week” Momma Mode. So, you know ... we just do the next thing, right?

A fun part of our day today was getting pictures taken and I thought you might enjoy 'em. So here you are ...

Thanks again and Aloha!
(We leave for Hawaii at 4:30AM.)

Yours,
Tara B.

Can’t say I’m surprised to find myself awake in the middle of the night.
What a day! What a sad, sad day.

But what a good day in so many ways too.
We could tell you example after example of God’s sweet ministry of grace to us!

- This happened at HOME (instead of on a six-hour flight over the pacific ocean! that would’ve been terrifying!);

- We had access to a wonderful hospital that admitted me quickly and provided excellent medical care;

- My dear friend stopped by and spent a long time with us at just the right time; shared of her own (almost identical) loss; cried with us and prayed with us and even made us laugh! She was a gift of God to us;

- Our pastor called; our elder called–and both said that they loved us. Can you imagine? How many men say, “I love you” to their sheep? It warmed me even through my shaking;

- Everything happened quickly. Very, very quickly. It was horrifying at first–but once it was clear that the baby was gone, it really was a mercy to have everything go so fast.

- Fred could be with me and our dear, wonderful friend took Sophie with absolutely NO warning (a call, we’re losing the baby, can you take Sophie?, and we didn’t even put her in clothing–we just dropped her off in her PJ’s! such a friend!);

- As of right now, I’m NOT giving into the “what did I do wrong” or “how could I have avoided this” line of thinking (those of you who know how easily I am prone to self-condemning thoughts will know how this is a true grace!); I woke up startled by a “you reap what you sow” thought. But I did speak truth right back to it: “This life–in a fallen world!–is nothing but a constant death. And many horrors in life happen NOT as a result of sin but simply because we live in a fallen world.”

I could go on and on–but instead I’m going to try to rest.

My parents arrive tonight! We’re all very excited. I’m also very glad that they won’t care at ALL that the house is SO not clean. At ALL.

Now if I can just (slowly, carefully, not picking up much) get all this LAUNDRY done!

Thanks again for your prayers and encouraging comments and emails.
I hope you have a wonderful Tuesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

...and the Lord taketh away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord!

We lost the baby this morning.

From everything I’ve read and what I understand, we had a “typical”/"common" first trimester miscarriage.
They couldn’t tell if the baby was a girl or a boy.
But Fred and I are so comforted in knowing that this child was the Lord’s.
By faith–we are clinging to every covenant promise and thanking God for His goodness.

Thanks for praying for us–we’re going to get Sophia soon and tell her that God took our baby straight to Heaven.

Your friend,
Tara B.

PS
A little update ... we’re all home now.
Sophie was very sweet in her response to the news ... she responded by saying, “Will we get a new baby?” I responded, “I don’t know, love.”
So then she said, “I’ll go to my room and pray.” And she did.
A few minutes later she came back and said, “I prayed for you, Momma, and for Daddy too. And I asked God if we would get a new baby.”

Life is good.
Tears and grace. Lots of grace.
Thanks for the sweet comments! I do pray for you all and love you.
Yours,
t

My husband Fred was quoted in our local newspaper this morning and I thought you might enjoy reading the article.

Hope you’re all having a great Easter! We’ve had a relaxing day here.

Yours,
Tara B.

Pastor Alfred reminded us of many important truths last night during our Good Friday service. But one thing that stuck out to me was the irony of this:

The robbers who were crucified with Jesus were dying for their crimes. And at the same time mocking the One Who was dying for their crimes.

How could we not worship this Suffering Servant, Savior, King?

Blessed Easter to you all–

Yours,
Tara B.

- Watching Sophia SKIP all the way down the block on her way to swimming lessons. Skipping, well, just because! She is three years old and she is happy. (I can’t TELL you how this warmed my heart.)

- Realizing, as I accompanied our small group during our worship time, that the words to “Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken,” are actually, “Soul then know thy full salvation, rise o'er sin and fear and care ...” (And all this time, I think I’ve been singing, “So then know thy full salvation ...”)

- Having a friend invite me in for Lime-Ade and chicken McNuggets shaped like dinosaurs (who even knew such things existed?) while our kids played around us.

Truly. Grace abounds.

Hope you’re having a great and glorious and sober and worshipful Good Friday!

Yours,
Tara B.

When you serve as a Christian arbitrator, you sit in the seat of both jury as judge.
You hear evidence and decide what happened (facts).
You apply biblical law, statutory civil law, and case law to the facts (rulings).
You require people to take certain actions (orders).

This is a heavy burden!
A load of responsibility.
Before God.
The parties.
The Case Administrator.

I’m sitting here at 9:00 at night and my heart is heavy.
Having labored for hours and hours, days and days ... I am tempted to give up.
“It’s too hard!” "I can’t do it!" “I want to quit. Back out of my commitment.”
(But not really.)

I despair of myself and run to Christ.
“Give me grace to persevere,” I pray.

"Help me to be wise with the wisdom that comes from Heaven.
Work Your will in me so that I do justice for your glory.
Protect everyone involved from my inadequacies!
Help me," I pray.

(He does! He does!)

And so ...
Back to work.

Please pray for me.

Thank you!

Your friend,
Tara B.

“My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous” (1 John 2:1, ESV).

At my “ladies gathering just to be friends and to pray for one another” group yesterday, one of my friends said this in response to our shared struggles with life and responsibility during a typical day:

"Look for the humor! Look for the hope."

So today? I’m looking for the humor. And the hope. Because of The Hope.

Happy Thursday, friends!

Yours,
Tara B.

Does anyone else have AWAKE TIME between, you know, MIDNIGHT and 2:30AM?

Even when I’m really tired, I’m often awake during these strange hours.

Like tonight ... I woke up with an IMPORTANT (well, at least my subconscious mind thought so) idea/issue/question about the arbitration hearing I am running tomorrow (guess it’s TODAY now since it’s less than eight hours away).

Pulled down my laptop and files. “Resolved” the issue (thank You God!). But I’m still awake.

What do YOU do when you want to sleep but you’re awake?

I check in with Samara’s husband, TJ’s, PAINTINGS because that is always a balm to my soul.

I usually pop over to the NWA forum on FlyerTalk.com because that’s always a great read for frequent flyers.

And I check in with a few of my favorite blogs too.
(Do you have any blogs you check in on every day? Or often?)

Oh yeah, and I pray. It’s a good time to pray.

Anyway–I’m going to try to wind down again now and get some sleep.
Just wanted to say hi!
And thanks for the prayers too.

So many of you NEVER post a comment but you are faithful ENCOURAGERS to me via private emails ... and I am grateful for your kindness, love, and prayer no matter HOW (or IF) you ever contact me.

God bless you and keep you in Him!

Your friend,
Tara B.

(Have you read this? Wow! Go, Dennis! And boy–I can’t imagine what life will be like for Fred in 12 or 13 years. )

Guarding Our Daughters’ Moral Purity
A nervous father interviews his daughter’s date.
By Dennis Rainey

I was seated at my desk, barely able to concentrate. I shifted papers, opened drawers, glanced out the window. Shifted papers, opened drawers, glanced out the window. Shifted papers … I felt like I was expecting an important phone call and was just trying to do something, anything, productive while waiting. But it wasn’t working.

Neither was I.

Finally, my executive assistant informed me that the young man I’d been expecting was waiting for me in the lobby.

Deep breath, Dennis. You’re the adult here. You can do this. I was about to interview the first of many young men who wanted a date with one of my daughters.

I stood to my feet and walked across the room, still amazed at how nervous I was as I stepped into the lobby to meet Kevin—the only person in the building more anxious and ill at ease than I.

“Afternoon, Kevin, glad you could make it.”

“Hello, Mr. Rainey.”

“How about we get something from the Coke machine. I hear you’re a Dr. Pepper man.”

“Yes, sir.”

Riding a very thin wave of forced, uncomfortable chitchat, I deposited enough quarters to dislodge a cold can for him and a Diet Coke for me. Then, not wanting to be the Ultimate Intimidator, I suggested we go outside and chat in the parking lot. That’s where he showed me his motorcycle—which wasn’t exactly how I wanted Ashley to go out on her first date!

I popped the tab on my soft drink and looked squarely into the same eyes that enjoyed looking at my sixteen-year-old daughter. We began with the basics. I asked him about school, his mom and dad and family, interests—just a general get-to-know-you type of conversation.

“God made men and women different”

“Kevin,” I said, hoping I’d also remember the rest of the words I wanted to say, “God did a wonderful thing when he made women.”

The color fell from his face. This was going to be worse than he had thought. I wondered if at any moment he might hop on that motorcycle and bolt!

I continued. “And, Kevin, God made men and women different. You’ve probably noticed some of those differences.”

Kevin was getting paler by the minute, but he had the presence of mind to nod.

“Actually, God made us different so that men and women would be attracted to one another. Now, Kevin,” I paused for dramatic effect, “you have probably noticed that God made Ashley quite attractive. She’s a really cute girl. In fact, you’ve probably noticed that she has a cute figure.”

This was less of a statement and more of a question. If Kevin said no, he and I would both know he was lying. If he said yes, however, he was admitting to the obvious: that he had the audacity to notice my daughter’s figure!

After a brief pause, I spared him the agony and continued.

“I mean, you’re a young man and Ashley is a young lady, and God made men and women to be attracted to one another. It’s good.” Kevin seemed to be relieved at my pronouncement. I went on.

“And, Kevin, I just want you to know that I am a man and I understand this attraction. I was once a teenage boy, and I know what teenage boys think about. I’ve even read some research on this, and the studies show that teenage boys think about sex every seven seconds.”

At this point Kevin’s eyes darted, wondering where I was going next.

“And, Kevin, you and I both know those teenage boys were lying about the other six seconds.”

At this point Kevin’s eyes began to dilate! There was no dodging this one. “Yes, sir,” he said, with a nervous little laugh.

“Are we communicating?”

“Kevin, I don’t know how to put this any plainer: I want you to keep your lips and hands off my daughter. And I’m going to help you with that. Because whether I see you at the door after your first date with Ashley—or after your fiftieth date—you can expect me to ask you, ‘Kevin, are you dealing uprightly with my daughter?’ And I want you to know what I mean when I ask you that question. Are we communicating, Kevin?”

“Yes, sir.” His eyes were fully dilated at this point.

I continued. “Kevin, more than likely Ashley is going to be somebody’s wife someday. And I don’t want you touching her body. Would you want someone touching your wife’s body?”

“No, sir.”

“That’s what I thought. So you and I, we know what we’re talking about when I ask you to be accountable for protecting the emotional and moral purity of my daughter, right?”

He nodded enough to let me know my vocabulary was in his dictionary.

“And, Kevin, I want you also to take this challenge: If God ever gives you the privilege of being a husband and a dad, especially if He gives you girls, I want you to take your role so seriously with them that you’ll talk to your daughters’ dates the way I’ve talked with you today. Will you promise me that?”

“Yes, sir.”

At that point both Kevin and I were relieved that the conversation was over. I grinned and patted him on the back. I told him I was proud of him for coming to talk to me and allowing me to interact with him around such important issues.

As he was putting his helmet on, he answered one last question by assuring me he’d take Ashley out in a car!

Young Men Need to Be Challenged

That was it. Took maybe twenty minutes.

And I’ve done a version of this same thing dozens of times now as I’ve interviewed young men who wanted to date my four daughters.

I’ve learned a lot as I’ve gone through this. I’ve learned that there are some very specific things I need to know about each young man, and I try to tailor each of these little talks to the particular situation and the young man I’m dealing with.

In the process, I’ve met some fine maturing men and seen some interesting things happen along the way. In one case, another dad who came with his son to sit in on the interview, to observe and be trained. I’ve also had younger brothers sit in (probably just to see their big brother squirm).

I even had one young man come to me and say, “Mr. Rainey, I’m not interested in asking any of your daughters out on a date, but I was wondering, would you be willing to take me through the interview?” I did. He wanted to go through it so he would know what I said. It reminded me that young men today yearn for older men to enter their worlds, talk straight with them about how to treat a young lady, and call them to a high standard.

Guys, I can’t tell you how strongly I feel about this. The statistics don’t lie. Despite more than a decade of “Just Say No” and countless sermons on “Love, Sex, and Dating,” the sexual conduct of Christian youth growing up in Christian youth groups, worshiping to Christian music, and sitting in Christian Bible studies, is virtually no different than the sexual conduct of any other teenager.

These young men who like what they see in our daughters enough to want to spend time alone with them need us to hold them accountable and call them to restrain their sexual passions. They need older men, dads, to challenge them to protect our daughters and do what it takes to guard their moral purity.

Let’s do it.

I was SO SICK in the night. I almost called for Fred to have him take me to the hospital ... gastrointestinal distress with such an EXTREMELY HIGH level of pain that I thought, “This can’t be good for the baby.”

But thankfully, after an hour or so writhing in pain with the window open in the bathroom (even with the snow! but I was SO nauseas I couldn’t bear it), things calmed down enough for me to get a little more sleep. Until I got up an hour or so again, sick some more, but without the distress.

So why am I telling you all this (icky) stuff?
Two reasons ...

Trying to distract myself last night and get through it, I grabbed David Powlison’s Seeing with New Eyes–Counseling and the Human Condition through the Lens of Scripture, and I was reminded again of just how amazing these CCEF guys are.

I read pages & pages–but one quote stayed with me when I woke up this morning:

"Jesus says, ‘Don’t be afraid, little flock.’ It’s the only place in the Bible where that phrase, ‘little flock,’ is used. It’s a vivid picture of a flock of sheep small enough that the shepherd knows all their names, their personalities, and what each one faces. Jesus makes sure we know that God is not reluctant to love us. Do not worry, because, ‘Your Father has gladly chosen to give you the kingdom.’"

WHAT an encouragement!

“Do not be afraid, little flock.”

It’s Tuesday–what will you face today?
“Do not be afraid, little flock.”
God is with you.
God is good.

The second reason I blogged this (I hope NOT TMI) blog?
Because being in so much physical pain was such a strong reminder to PRAY for my friends who suffer from chronic physical pain.

I just don’t know what it is like to face death through the valley of dying from breast cancer–the suffering, the pain, the horror.

Or to be fighting brain cancer with powerful drugs and invasive surgeries–and facing pain beyond what I could ever imagine!

Friends who have arthritis, colitis, constant back pain, CFS, fibromyalgia ...

Even just an hour of extreme pain last night drew me to pray for them all. And I hope you will pray for, and encourage!, and diaconally reach out to!, the people in your life who wake up to pain, and live through pain, and try to go to sleep with pain every single day of their lives.

“Do not be afraid, little flock.”
Your Father is with you–even through this suffering.
Jesus has deprived the world of its power to ultimately harm you.
Though He slay me–I will trust in Him.

Praying for you!

With love,
Tara B.

Our pastor preached an informative and inspiring sermon from Mark 15 last Sunday: "He Suffered Under Pontius Pilate".

I could quote the entire sermon to you! But instead, I encourage you to listen for yourself ... and I’ll just tempt you with this:

Judas’s kiss is our kiss.
The crowd’s fickleness is our fickleness.
The soldiers' sadism–all OURS.

In some unspeakable way, we own that day.
It is a mirror to our hearts.

Who handed Jesus over to death? The love of God the Father for us.

"Not Judas for money;
Not Pilate for fear;
Not the Jews for envy;
But the Father for love."
Octavius Winslow

Blessed Holy Week, my friends!

Yours,
Tara B.

(Again drinking from the wellspring of Puritan Richard Sibbes' The Bruised Reed ...)

"Let us not therefore be discouraged at the small beginnings of grace, but look on ourselves as elected to be ‘holy and without blame’ (Ephesians 1:4) ...

The pupil of the eye is very little, yet sees a great part of the heaven at once. A pearl, though little, yet is of much esteem. Nothing in the world is of so good use as the least grain of grace."

BUT ... I think that we MAY have some great news to share in a couple of weeks ...

And it would have SOMETHING to do with my romantic, wonderful, thoughtful, sacrificing, generous, kind hubby’s surprise for me this morning:



And something MORE to do with this little love bug:



I’ll be sure to let you know how things progress ...

Of course, no dog could ever “replace” our Choza. I still miss her terribly!

But I’m SO excited ...
And tentatively hopeful!

(While we wait on the Golden Retriever breeder, we have to survive the next ten days as I arbitrate again on Wednesday, draft and issue my final ruling on the case, and complete my DVD study guide. FRED has to get a HUGE project done at work–and oh yeah, I’m working to complete my “Grandparents Guide to the (Barthel) Universe” with every piece of possibly important information that my parents could use when they come to take care of Sophia while Fred and I take our (first ever vacation without Sophia!) trip to HAWAII. (I’m speaking at a women’s retreat and we were able to get Fred a ticket for only 35,000 miles! Amazing!) THAT’S why we can’t bring her home TOMORROW ... I have to wait until we’re back from Hawaii on the 19th. Oh! I’m so excited that we might get this little pup.)

Happy Maybe Puppy Day!

Love ya,
Tara B.

Many of you know that I have some, well, not-so-pleasant memories from my childhood. My family has given me permission to share our story and I often do (i.e., whenever I am invited to share my testimony at a conference/retreat/keynote, etc.).

But along with the hard stuff, I truly have some very happy memories from my childhood. (Even during the most trying years.) For example:

-How absolutely SAFE and happy I felt reading and sleeping on the backseat floor of our big ol' Tornado as our family took cross-country driving trips. (Yes, yes ... I know it’s hard to believe in the age of all things carseats (and I’m now THE enforcer of seatbelts, believe you me!) ... but back in the '70’s, we used to lie in the BACK WINDOW of cars and wave at the truck drivers to try to make them honk their horns!! It’s true, it’s true.) I just remember feeling all snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug with my dad driving, my mom there, and my sister asleep on the back seat.

- How much I loved our family dogs. They were such great companions to me–this lonely little girl who wondered if there was anything loveable in her. My dogs loved me and I loved them back–plus they were SO FUN! Looking back on those years, I truly believe they were a gift of God’s grace to me during a difficult time of life.

- My dad always left Kali and me a little Valentine present on Valentine’s Day morning before he left for work. A tiny box of candies, a stuffed bear. It didn’t matter WHAT it was ... but I can’t tell you how wonderful and special it made me feel.

- My mom always did Easter up BIG (nothing to do with Jesus, of course, but OH! the eggs & bunnies & toys were FUN for this kid!). I loved searching for my “basket” and hunting for eggs ... especially ALWAYS finding one in the MOUTH of this giant FISH my dad had caught off the coast of Florida and had hung on our wall for years. Every Easter there’d be an egg in that fish’s mouth–it was such a happy, STABLE little thing in a tumultuous / unstable childhood. Still makes me smile to think about it.

- Of course, I always wanted to do EVERYTHING my sister did ... and I have very happy memories of us ice skating for hours (pretending to be “Donny & Marie!”); playing “9-1-1 Emergency” in our backyard with all sorts of exciting rescues; staying up ALL NIGHT playing “Space Invaders” just to see the 999,999 roll back over to “1" (there was no proof–but we KNEW we had done it!), and getting into all sorts of mischief doing gymnastics off of the couches, ”bowling" with fruit from the fruit bowl, and experimenting with FIRE (I was quite a budding pyromaniac in the day).

- And MUSIC ... lots of MUSIC. Even during the worst years, my parents encouraged me in my music. They bought me a trumpet. They bought me a piano. They paid for lessons for many years–and they attended many of my recitals and musicals/shows. Again, I truly believe that having the outlet of PIANO growing up was a great gift of God’s common grace even to me, back then still an unbeliever. It was such a release and outlet for positive things in my life–and I’m grateful to my parents for providing it for me.

- Lastly ... and actually, the “CAUSE” of this blog ... I have a very strange and funny and sweet memory from high school that came from my mom ... It was after I had accompanied a community musical ("I Do! I Do!") and my mom’s friend drove in from Chicago to take my mom and me out for dinner to “celebrate.” He had a SPORTS CAR and he bought me a HUGE bouquet of flowers. The three of us went DOWNTOWN to a “real” Chicago restaurant and all the way there and back we listened to George Winston’s “December.” When they got me home, he gave me the tape. (Yes, TAPE. I’m ancient, I know.) And I listened to it for DECADES until I wore it out. Now? I’m sitting here blogging to my CD of “December” and the happy memories of my mom’s kindness those many years ago still warms me to this day.

Thanks for reading my little trip down happy memory lane!

Positive or negative ...
Happy or painful ...
Glorious or disappointing ...
Our pasts are our pasts and our memories are our memories.

How I pray that you, too, might have SOME sweetness to your memories!
And even if every single memory from your childhood is heart-breaking ...
That you will still remember and PROFESS and CLING to the fact that GOD IS GOOD.
And His love endures forever.

If we are His, in Christ ...
We have all we NEED.
Anything beyond that is just sweet icing on the cake.

Happy, Blessed Sabbath to each one of you!
I love you–

Yours,
Tara B.