considerable grace

In the last few weeks, I know of five (brilliant! godly! wise! Spirit-filled! Biblical-thinking! loving!) women who have been utterly mistreated by their church leaders.

(I would use a different term for mistreated there, but it’s crass and I’m sure not very appropriate for any setting, more or less this blog.)

There is much that I could say about each situation, but I won’t.

(Not only do I not have their permission to share their stories–but honestly? As is usually the case with most relational conflicts, their stories are so incredibly complex that it would take hundreds and hundreds of words to even TRY to BEGIN to “summarize” them. These women have sinned. The church leaders have sinned. Some of it is just life in a fallen world where people stumble into one another and their weaknesses wreak havoc on others. Some of it may be intentional evil. It’s a mess and I can’t begin to give you a quick bottomline on it all. And so I won’t.)

But I will make just a few general statements:

1. I never question why people hate Christians. I just don’t. When I see how we (and I DO mean ME too!) treat one another? The depth of our SINS against one another? The grace-less, love-less, selfish HORRORS that even BELIEVERS inflict on one another? Well ... I simply can’t find it hard to believe why so many people have such a low view of Christians. Makes total sense to me.

2. I love these women. I love them. I do. And my love for these women has not diminished ONE IOTA as we’ve spent time together these past few weeks ... praying, crying, shouting, empathizing, rebuking, encouraging, confronting ... talking, listening, just being there for one another. I HATE the sin in THEM that is causing them so much suffering ... AND I hate the sin in OTHERS that is causing them so much suffering ... but I love them. And I can’t believe that I get to call them my friends. It’s just such a gift. (Oh! How I pray that I am loving them well in the midst of these terrible situations!!)

3. God is glorified in His children even as we struggle. Is He glorified by our SIN? Of course not. Does it bring Him pleasure when we are tempted to believe lies, focus too much on ourselves, judge others, withhold love, or simply run away? Nope. No way. But God IS glorified in His children because the righteousness of CHRIST has been imputed to us. Period. Once and for all. Forever. And the fact that we are struggling and miserable and suffering in our sin? That we even SEE that it’s not a good thing to be tempted to hate, judge, or simply run away? If we even have a VAGUE INKLING that we might have a GAP between what we claim to believe about the gospel of Jesus Christ and then HOW WE ACTUALLY LIVE? This is an evidence that God IS at work in us! He IS conforming us to the image of His Son. We ARE His. Because unbelievers just don’t care. They don’t notice that there is even a problem. But we know. We know. We feel the weight of the current that is trying to drag us under. But we cannot be destroyed by our enemies–our sin, the world, even Satan and his minions. Because we belong with all our bodies and souls to our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Praise Him!
Praise Him!

God loves His children.
God loves these women.
And (if they are actually Believers–I don’t know a lot of them so I surely won’t presume) ... God loves even the leaders who are hurting these women too.

And I KNOW (by FAITH!) that all of this is just another step in the process of loving God and loving neighbor.

Yes, I hate that they are suffering!
Yes, I wish I could wave a magic wand and “fix it.”

But even more so–I am rushing the gates of Heaven for them.
I am believing for them.
I am SO trying to help carry them!!

(As I have been SO carried in the past. And by past, I don’t mean only in the distant past. I mean, you know, LAST WEEK too.)

Thank You, God, that You never forsake Your children.
Please do watch out over these precious women. (I know You do.)
Protect them from evil, I pray!
Pour courage into their hearts, I beg.
Be glorified! Be glorified!
Thank You that You ARE glorified.
Amen & Amen

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... I keep selling lots of copies of my pastor’s VBS curriculum so I wanted to mention it again ...

The “Peacemaker Clubs” curriculum is so biblical, practical, and WONDERFUL! I really hope you will check it out:



It’s a great help to the children, their families, and entire churches. PLUS, it’s a great way to reach out to your neighborhood/community because EVERYONE has kids who fight.

("Hi! I’m from ABC Church and we’re hosting a kids club this summer to help them learn how to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner. Do your kids ever have conflicts? Oh–HOW MANY kids did you want to sign up?")



Enjoy and God bless!
– Tara B.

Just had two huge blessings in like ten minutes:

1. When Sophie prayed, she said, “Thank You, God, that Momma never stops loving me, even when my behavior is bad.” (I just can’t tell you how much this means to me. My weaknesses and sins are SO great! And they just POUR out of my heart in parenthood ... but OH! If only Sophie might know that I NEVER stop loving her. This is such a grace.)

2. I read Carolyn McCulley’s blog on how, so often, talking just makes things worse (especially for women). Take two minutes! Check it out! She is such a wise woman–and of course she’s right (as usual) on this whole talking can often make things worse thing.

In our church, we often ask the question: "Am I confessing? Or COMPLAINING? And every time a friend loves me enough to speak TRUTH to me and even rebuke me I think, “Wow, God. Now THIS is a friend. Thank You, thank You thank You! Because even though this particular conversation is not all that pleasant, this I know: If I don’t have a friend who loves me enough to tell me the truth (and point me to Truth!), I surely do not have a friend.”

(Plus, I just had SUCH a rich time of fellowship and prayer again at our little friendship/prayer group this morning. Do any of you remember my “cream of tartar / you can do it, Tara, you can make BISCUITS” friend? Well, she was there–loving me, counseling me, helping me ... and I just have to say ... thank You, God, for this friend.)

God bless you, dear ones!

Hey–it’s the 29th, check out Psalm 29! (Sophie and I–try to–read the psalm that matches the date each day ... I figure that if she gets the first 30 Psalms engrained in her heart, that can only be a good thing.)

As we read, Sophie said, “When we say GLORY, we raise our HANDS!” Not bad for a Presbyterian kid, eh? Frozen chosen? Not always.

Love and blessings,
Tara B.

I read a great quote on the “gospel driven church” blog and thought you might enjoy it too (the emphasis is mine):

"Currently we are not only saved by grace; we are paralyzed by it. There is deep confusion. We find it hard to see that grace is not opposed to effort, but is opposed to earning. Earning and effort are not the same thing. Earning is an attitude, and grace is definitely opposed to that. But it is not opposed to effort. When you see a person who has been caught on fire by grace, you are apt to see some of the most astonishing efforts you can imagine (1 Corinthians 15:10)." Dallas Willard, The Great Omission: Reclaiming Jesus' Essential Teachings on Discipleship

This quote made me think of my pastor’s little (but profound) booklet on faith’s fight against sin.

AND I’ve also been wondering what books you all might recommend on free will ... I think (I know!) I have a LOT to learn on this important topic.

(Sometimes I wonder if those of us in reformed denominations sometimes over-emphasize God’s sovereignty to the detriment of also taking seriously the Scriptures on our responsibility. It’s a mystery to be sure–how God is completely sovereign and we also have free will–but it’s Truth. And I am convinced I need to strengthen my understanding of these important doctrines.)

Anyway ...

Our little Pre-K class yesterday was a TOTAL JOY from my perspective. I can’t believe I get to spend time with those precious children! They are so wonderful–and funny. And such wretched little sinners too ... Oh, I just love them so much.

We did a little Bible and catechism. And we listed to some SUPER-COOL bluegrass music and danced around while playing instruments. We colored our notebook covers (fun!) and then they set a FORMAL table for our snack-time. (Tablecloth, linen napkins, real glass glasses and plates, silverware with REAL knives ... I figured even if we just eat some popcorn, snack-time is a great time to learn how to set a table and then practice table manners/conversation/serving one another. You should’ve seen them so politely eating their popcorn! It was ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE.) Then we cleaned up together, read a book, and class was over.

Can you believe it?
Me?
Working with a room filled with small children?

(This is truly the LAST thing I could imagine me doing–well, maybe working a meat-packing plant or driving long-distance in a big truck are like the ABSOLUTE LAST two things I could ever imagine doing. THEN working with small children ... running a tight third. How funny that God moves in such mysterious ways! )

Blessed, wonderful & wonder-filled Wednesday to you, my friends!

Please don’t give up on the relationships in your lives–
Love matters to God, so it matters to us too, right?

Yours,
Tara B.

Have I mentioned lately how frequently Sophia has been bringing up the subject of Heaven?

It’s usually in the context of, “But I don’t WANT to go to Heaven, Mommy. I want to stay here–in our home–with you and daddy.”

Taking my cues from one of C.S. Lewis’s Letters to Children ... (Did you know he personally answered every single letter that every child ever wrote him? He felt it was his duty.)

... I’ve just been encouraging Sophia to not worry about it. That our home will be in Heaven. That when she pictures Heaven, she can feel free to picture mommy and daddy and her little bedroom if that helps her to imagine what it might be like ...

...Because just like C.S. Lewis comforted the little boy who was concerned that he loved Aslan more than he loved Jesus, I comfort Sophia in the truth that the things she loves about our home and her parents are just REFLECTIONS of Heaven. (Just as the things that the little boy loved about Aslan were simply the things that described Jesus.)

And it’s a lot easier for a seven year-old boy to imagine a lion than to picture Jesus ... and a lot easier for a three and a half year-old to picture herself snuggled between her parents in their bed, cuddled and held and kissed and loved, than it is to picture Heaven (which is abstract and hard even for adults to comprehend).

Still ... it is strange the way she’ll just bring up the topic. Like yesterday, in the dairy aisle at Albertson’s, totally out of the blue:

"But Mom ... how will we get BACK?"
“From where, dear?”
“Heaven! How will we get back HOME?”

“Darling, home will be in Heaven. I promise.”
“OUR home? This home?”
“Yes. Yes. Yes. I promise. Trust God. Trust in Jesus–He has gone ahead of us and He is making our Home for us. He promises us and we can trust Him.”

Or today at the veterinarian’s when she saw a kitty cat. I’m HORRIBLY (off the chart!) allergic to cats so she’s been told many times how we will NEVER have a cat. Never. She can get one when she goes off to undergrad or grad school or gets married and has a home of her own–but we will never own a cat.

So today she says:

"But Mom ... if you were to go HEAVEN ... THEN daddy and I could have a cat, right?"
“So you’re saying if I were to DIE and go to HEAVEN you could have a cat?”
“Ummmmmm ...... well ........ no. But what if daddy and I were at home and you went to the STORE. Then we could have a cat, right?”
“Darling? It’s NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.”

What a funny (and interesting) kid.
I could blog on nothing at all except the things she comes up with to talk about–but maybe it’s only interesting to me.

On an unrelated (?) note, I realized today that I’m afraid to try to get pregnant again.

Afraid of another miscarriage.
Afraid of another HORRIBLE delivery where both the baby and I almost die and after an emergency c-section he or she is blue and unresponsive and I’m bleeding out and have to be transfused and I miss those storybook first few hours or new motherhood because I’m unconscious.

(Yes, yes ... not to sound too dramatic, but that’s pretty much Sophie’s birth story.)

I guess trying to get pregnant and being pregnant and giving birth and then everything that follows is the ultimate example of how LIMITED our power truly is. We can’t control it. Any of it. Not really.

And so we cry and grieve and pray, “Lord, I believe! Please help my unbelief.”
And every single day we remember that we are not in control.
We neither uphold the universe nor our child’s life.

We can’t protect our children any more than we can protect our CARS. (Our fifteen year-old 130,000 mile Honda having been HIT in a parking lot recently with NO ONE taking responsibility so we’re left trying to get it repaired because MAN those Hondas last and last and we’re hoping we can keep squeezing our family into its two-door crampedness as we squeak out just a few more years.)

But God is faithful. And True.
And He is in control.

God bless you all and happy Tuesday to you!

I’ll try to blog later on today if/when I survive my first day trying to serve (corral?) our little church Pre-K class. (Feel free to guffaw now.)

Much love,
Tara B.

Yesterday, Fred and Sophie piled into “daddy’s truck” to run a few errands.

As soon as she was strapped in to her car seat, she politely asked for a pen and a piece of paper. After Fred found them for her, the following conversation ensued:

"Where are we going first, Daddy?"
“Albertson’s.”
"Albertson’s ...." (scribble scribble scribble) ... “CHECK!”

“And then?”
“Home Depot.”
"Home Depot ...." (scribble scribble scribble) ... “CHECK!”

“Anywhere else?”
“Target.”
"Target ...." (scribble scribble scribble) ... “Got it. CHECK!”

As Fred told me this story I didn’t know whether to cheer ("That’s my girl!") or cry ("Poor kid. That’s my girl.")

But pretty much I just laughed.
(OK, OK, so I’m raising a list-maker. What can you do? I am who I am. But may God protect her from my sin, though!!)

We’ve been very busy transforming our main-level “parlor” (i.e., extra room we’ve never been all that sure what to do with) into a little playroom/schoolroom for Sophia.

I wanted to wait to show you until it was ALL DONE (with the little area rug, chair, wall decorations, and books and toys strategically and beautifully organized, etc.) ...

But after staying up until 1AM (like a great Christmas Eve) and being SO excited for Sophie to see it (I love it when she’s surprised and blessed), I wanted to give you a little sneak-peek.









Hope you enjoy a wonderful Monday!
My first thought this morning was, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come to him.” (Paraphrasing here. Just restating my thought.)

And I quickly prayed, “O, Lord, please come in. Please come in to my heart and reign. I’ve been lukewarm and selfish–wretchedly sinful. Please forgive me all my sins and give me a new start today.”

"Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free!
For God the just is satisfied
to look on Him and pardon me."

Amen & Amen.

"My only comfort in life and in death
is that I am not my own.
But belong with all my body and soul
to my Savior, Jesus Christ.

All things work together for good.
to work for our salvation.
And I am assured when I read in His Word,
I have eternal life."

Hang in there, everyone!
Whatever your sorrow, whatever your concern ... this too shall pass.

Much love,
Tara B.

My good friend is helping me (a lot!) by “making me” re-read through the great D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones book, “Spiritual Depression.”

Oh! How accurately this dear pastor describes my tendencies:

- Prone to melancholy

- Sometimes drawn, haggard, vexed, troubled

- Overly introverted and introspective

- At times, weeping and tearful because I am in a state of perplexity and fear

- Overly analyzing myself and everything I do and worrying about the possible effects of my actions; always harking back; always full of vain regrets

- Too centered on myself (as evidenced by my propensity to talk too much about myself and my problems/troubles; forever going around with a frown on my face as I recount the great difficulty I am in)

And yet. And yet. Even all of THAT–while it surely makes me a “poor recommendation for the Christian faith”, it does NOT mean that I am not a Christian, “but it does mean that [we] are missing a great deal, missing so much that it is important that we should inquire into the whole condition of spiritual depression ...”

(BTW ... If you or someone you know is struggling–I encourage you to pick up this great book (and/or
Ed Welch’s wonderful book on Depression). These two are my favorites and the ones I recommend over and over again at women’s events.)

Back to Dr. Jones ... it’s a 300 page book, so please don’t think this is all there is (!), but I wanted to encourage you as I have been encouraged. Here are a few quotes and paraphrases ... please, anything worth keeping is fully attributable to Dr. Jones and the rest is Tara’s processing/commentary in her own life:

- That temperament does not make any difference in the matter of our fundamental salvation ... but it DOES make a very great different in the actual experience of the Christian life

- We must know ourselves and our temperament so that we can be aware of our propensities (take care in regards to both your strengths AND your weaknesses); keep your temperament where it should be kept

- We cannot undo what we has been done–so it is futile (and exhausting!) to spend inordinate amounts of time analyzing and judging and BLAMING ourselves (this just makes us MORBID!)

- Don’t ignore the physical/chemical components that could be at play. (But don’t look for a “pill” to fix your unbelief, habitual sins, wrong thinking, dishonoring-of-God-actions!)

Because the bottomline on all of this?

We must take ourselves in hand and talk TO ourselves instead of allowing ‘ourselves’ to talk to us!

Most of our unhappiness in life is due to the fact that we are listening to ourselves instead of talking to ourselves. Grace calls us to DO something regarding our situation, our temperament, our struggles. To run to Christ, lay hold of Christ with saving faith, and to SPEAK TRUTH, biblical truth, to the lies and thoughts and struggles that rattle around inside of us.

You wake up in the morning and the first thought you have is of your FAILURES?! The problems of yesterday? Your horrible inadequacies? The drag that your life has become?

Someone is talking. Who is talking to you? Your self is talking to you.

RESIST! RESPOND! Rather than allow this self to talk to you, YOU start talking to YOURSELF. “Why art thou cast down, O my soul?” he asks. Your soul has been depressing you? Crushing you? So you stand up and say, “SELF! Listen for a moment! I will speak to you.”

Because the main art in the matter of spiritual living is to know how to handle yourself.

Take yourself in hand.
Address yourself.
Preach to yourself.
Question yourself.

You must turn on yourself,
Upbraid yourself,
Condemn yourself,
Exhort yourself,
and say to yourself, “HOPE THOU IN GOD!”
(Instead of muttering in this depressed, unhappy way.)

And then you must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God is and what God has done, and what God has pledged Himself to do.

THEN ... defy yourself. Defy other people. Defy the devil. Defy the whole world and say with the Psalmist, "I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance, who is also the health of my countenance and my God!"

Sophia’s Grandpa Calvin (Fred’s dad) was, by all accounts, a wonderful man who loved God, his family, his church and community ... and was a wonderful veterinarian too.

He went home to Heaven before I met Fred, so I never got to meet him in this life. But I’m looking forward to meeting him one day!

We talk about “Grandpa Cal” to Sophia, of course, and keep his memory alive with stories too. Between tales of adventures with cows (apparently Cal loved cows and served the rural, dairy community of northern Illinois with not only skill but great care) and pictures around our house of he and Grandma Chris, I do hope that he is “real” to Sophia. His legacy (and my mother-in-law’s, Christina’s) surely is felt in our home every single day.

All that to say ... with stories of Grandpa Cal’s veterinarian adventures and our love for our our first Golden Retriever, Choza, and her wonderful vet, Dr. Lain, Sophie thinks veterinarians are COOL!

In fact, when we took Lilikoi (our new Golden puppy) back in for a wound check/bandage change this morning, Sophie wanted to wear her VET COSTUME. (She was a big hit.)

Lili’s left paw is still not doing as well as the doctor would like ... so in addition to keeping her sedated, I have to hold an ICE PACK on her paw TWICE A DAY until Monday. (Do I really love this dog this much?? Yes, yes, yes. I will do it. With joy. She’s a little lovie-bear.)

“Dr. Sophie” wanted to help ... so here are a few pics:



God bless you, friends!
I hope you enjoy a wonderful Thursday –

And for those of your task-oriented/driven folk like me?
May we all take a minute or two to stop and ENJOY and BREATHE and RELAX–
And remember that this life is very, very short.

None of us knows when we will breathe our last–surely a nineteen year-old kid (Fred!) in his sophomore year of college didn’t expect to receive a call that his dad was in a coma after an accident; that he would never regain consciousness; that Fred would never get to visit with him/seek his counsel/enjoy him again this side of Heaven.

Of course–the good news is that eternity is very long. And soon, we will go Home!

(And then we can “catch up” with our loved ones. Although I assume that the glory of God will overwhelm us so much that we will also have other things on our hearts and minds.)

Enjoy this day, friends!

Much love,
Tara B.

Here and there ... in tiny snippets ... (often when I’m tired and just feel like slothfully procrastinating rather than working on some BIG HUGE projects that I really need to tackle one of these days) ...

I’ve been reading Band of Brothers.

Have you read this book?
Do you like war/military books? I do.

The first one I remember reading was General H. Normal Schwarzkopf’s autobiography, It Doesn’t Take a Hero. I was in undergrad during the first Gulf War and I remember picking it up out of curiosity and a genuine sense of how IGNORANT I was when it came to our military.

(It Doesn’t Take a Hero is a great read, by the way. I highly recommend it if you like biographies of military personnel. It’s been over ten years since I read it and I can still picture the scene in Viet Nam when his met were caught in a MINE FIELD and he ordered a junior officer to go back to the base and get all of the SHAVING CREAM he could carry. The officer did so and then, as the mine teams found the mines and cleared safe paths, they put down shaving cream to lead the men out of danger. Although encouraged to leave, Gen. Schwarzkopf stayed until every man was out of that mine field.)

Of course, I know that there are THOUSANDS of such stories from our military ... but this one sticks in my mind because of the OBEDIENCE of the man who went to get the shaving cream.

Couldn’t you hear him arguing? “What! Shaving cream? Are you crazy? What is THAT going to do?”
But no ... he obeyed and then men were saved.

At the very beginning of Band of Brothers, the author stated that:

"The men were learning instant, unquestioning obedience. Minor infractions were punished on the spot, usually by requiring the man to do twenty push-ups. More serious infractions cost a man his weekend pass, or several hours marching in full field pack on the parade ground. The Army had a saying, “We can’t make you do anything, but we can make you wish you had.”

Brought together by their misery, held together by their cadence counts, singing, and common experiences, they were becoming a family ...

... with incredible results in combat. They would literally insist on going hungry for one another, freezing for one another, dying for one another. And the squad would try to protect them or bail them out without the slightest regard to consequences, cussing them all the way for making it necessary."

I read all of this and I can’t help but reflect on my own life ...

Especially in the church.

We CLAIM to be a “family”–but seriously? How committed are we to one another?

We SAY that we are “at war” (with our enemies ... Satan, the world, our Old Man residual sinful natures). But really? Do we act like it?

Or do we turn on each other? View each other as the enemy? (Our husband, wife, pastor, “former friend.”)

And what about this whole obedience thing?
Do I really obey?
Or do I obey ONLY when people are WATCHING?

What truly rules my heart?
What really matters to me?
How do I live in secret? When I THINK I’m “getting away with” something?

Thank God for our military! (I do. I really, really do.)
Thank God for the example and their reminder of what familial commitment, obedience, and SACRIFICE all look like in real life.

And thank God for conviction. My unease is a good sign–
I pray that I will never be comfortable in my sin and unbelief.

Blessed Thursday to you all!

We’re taking Lilikoi back for a wound check this morning–her hyperactivity was making it hard for her body to heal, so on Monday the vet put her on tranquilizers. For the WEEK. She basically told me that Lili was going to SLEEP for a WEEK in order to give her body time to heal. And she pretty much is doing just that.

It’s actually pretty weird to have this little lump of a Lilikoi where normally there is a spaz. (She even drank her water from her water dish LYING DOWN the other night. Is that pathetic or WHAT?!?) Oh–and the vet warned me that when dogs are tranquilized, “Their third eyelids COME OUT” so I shouldn’t be worried about that (!!!!!). Did you know dogs have three eyelids? Oh, oh, oh ... the things you learn by checking in on this blog, eh?

Love to all!

Yours,
Tara B.

I had a wonderful time at my prayer/friendship group this morning ...

I hadn’t planned to share my heart today. (Yeah, right. That usually goes well.)
But of course I ended up sharing a TINY bit and then a little more and then–before you knew it, tears & Kleenex & lots of words.

My friends shared great counsel with me:

They neither placated me (and dismissed my contributions and sins/fallenness) nor dismissed me (by ignoring the wrongs that have been done to me).

Most of all?

They loved me.
Encouraged me.
And reminded me that a certain person who is causing me a fair amount of pain and sorrow right now is NOT my “personal Holy Spirit.”

(Very wise. Very wise.)

Hope you’re all enjoying a wonderful Wednesday–
May we all remember to MAKE TIME for friendship that goes beyond chit-chat and can actually speak TRUTH with LOVE into our lives.

Yours,
Tara B.

Tonight one of my dearest friends in the world, Judy T., stopped by to give me one more hug before she and her husband moved to Alaska.

It seems like only yesterday we were praying for wisdom as to whether she should apply to a (highly competitive) local nurse practitioner graduate program. (She has worked as an ER nurse for 20+ years and she and her husband want to “retire” to overseas missions work ... and she thought she could serve more effectively as a nurse practitioner because then she could prescribe medicine like a doctor and fill prescriptions like a pharmacist.)

She did apply; entered graduate school; excelled–while working fulltime and leading Bible studies; and now they’re off to the wilds of Alaska for two years of “training” working in an incredibly remote, rural clinic.

There are so many thoughts running through my mind as I picture them driving away tomorrow morning:

- How they raised their children here in Billings;
- Helped found and grow our church;
- Led so many people to Christ (and then discipled them too!);
- Promoted genuine fellowship and redemptive friendship;
- And on and on and on and on ...

But I’m really stuck on two thoughts/memories:

1. I remember when her elderly parents visited one time years ago. Her teenage son had just been accepted into membership as a communing member and that Sunday we were over at their home for dinner and fellowship. It was actually Judy’s father’s birthday and there were presents and cards, a cake, etc. But what I will never forget is when this intelligent, godly, kind man put his hands on his grandson’s shoulders and said, “Hearing you profess your faith in Christ today was the best birthday present I have ever received.” I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it now. What a man. What a moment.

2. Last year, Judy’s two best friends moved away. These three women have been best friends for decades. They have laughed, prayed, grieved, hiked, played, studied, LIVED LIFE together for longer than I’ve been a Christian. And in just one year, the two were gone (called to different continents to serve Christ in new ways).

I remember it was as though portions of Judy’s skin had been ripped off of her body it hurt so badly.

But I also remember how, even then, she saw that suffering as God’s providential (and good) hand preparing her for her eventual goodbye when they left Billings to begin their next stage of life and ministry. And talking with her tonight? Sitting on my porch waiting for them to pull up one more time? It was completely, utterly, 100% obviously true.

They were ready. Sad–but happy too. Determined. Called. Already missing their friends–but confident in Christ and confident that these goodbyes are not forever.

Isn’t that good news?

One day, there will be no more goodbyes. Just one eternal HELLO as we worship God and enjoy fellowship in our perfected bodies.

No more sin! No more selfishness! No more annoying each other or having to work hard to persevere in those “difficult” relationships. No more having to say goodbye to our dearest, safest, most faithful and fun and interesting and wonderful friends.

Just rightness. Perfection. Glory.
The way things ought to be.

I’m so grateful that when I hugged Judy tonight and I said, “I’ll see you in Heaven if not before.” I meant it.

The hope and assurance of our salvation!
Secured for us by the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Alleluia! Alleluia!
What a Savior. What a Friend.

Goodbye, Ron & Judy!
We miss you already.

Love to all and Happy Tuesday,
Tara B.

PS
This is the photo I took of Judy and Sophia when Soph was only ten days old. Oh, I will miss this woman!

HT Pastor JollyBlogger!

"Love will find a way. Indifference will find an excuse." C. S. Lewis

(Please, O please God! Do not let me be indifferent.)

It’s been one of those long, sleepless, hard nights of parenthood.

Fever + congestion + a sweet three year-old = one tired momma.

PLUS, things have been complicated by the fact that our entire house smells like BEEF JERKY ... all because of a huge fire burning just outside of Billings:



Blech.

The three of us were cuddling in bed right before she went to sleep the first time and I actually started to cry. I almost stopped myself because I didn’t want to concern her–but then, even through my grief, I had the parenting thought, “This is a good opportunity to remind Sophie that it’s OK to cry. Everyone cries at times.” And so I did. (Just a little. I really didn’t want to worry her–children don’t need grown-up worries, right?)

As I cried (just a little), Sophie put her (hot) little arm around me and said, “It’s OK, Momma. You’re going to be OK.”

At first I felt guilty and bad. ("Failure! Failure! Failure as a Momma," cried that little voice inside of me. “Children shouldn’t comfort grown-ups!”)

But Fred said, “Oh, Tara. Please give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. She’s just repeating to you what she’s heard you say to her over and over again.”

(Isn’t Fred a kind man?)

Well–I’m going to try to get back to sleep again.
(I’ve been upstairs to her room twice since I started writing this entry five minutes ago. Poor kid.)

Happy, blessed, Monday, all–

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... Sophia Grace and I had to beat a hasty retreat from church today when she threw up (poor thing!). By noon, we were both running fevers over 100 (can’t imagine why–it’s not like I kiss that kid a zillion times a day or anything).

As you might imagine, the rest of our day has been spent with Tylenol, lots of videos, and strategically placed buckets (just in case).

I hope to write something pithy or at least interesting before too long–but for now, oh my! Look at the time. 8:00? Must be bedtime. (I’m actually sick of being in bed–bored by videos but feeling too shaky and tired to be productive. Do you ever feel that way when some flu bug is having a happy time inside of you?)

One nice thing happened today: our portable dvd player died.

Why is that nice? Because in like FOUR DAYS the warranty would’ve run out and we would’ve had no recourse. But instead, we could just return it for a full refund. (Whooo-hoooo! I know we “shouldn't” be (we should only read books, right?), but we are definitely a family who appreciates our portable dvd player ... so this was good news.)

Fred has been a painting MACHINE all weekend long–we’re changing our merlot-colored “parlor” (i.e., extra room on the main level that we’ve never really known what to do with) to a little playroom/schoolroom/hopefully organize Sophie’s educational stuff & toys-room.

The main color is a nice, warm plum and Samara recommended a creamy, buttery yellow for the former-closet-becoming-a-reading-nook space. (We really like the yellow–but both Fred and I had a little chuckle as we realized we were simultaneously having 1970’s flashbacks to rooms in our childhood. Ahhhhh–there was a lot of yellow in the '70’s.)

I’ll try to post “before & after” pics as we make progress ...

Hope you all enjoyed a nice Sabbath.
I’ve been very, very sad lately. Hoping it’s just Mr. Every-32-Day Visitor ...
But I think it honestly a combination of grief (for some reason I’m really missing being pregnant these days and I’m sad that our baby won’t be here in just three more months), loneliness, and probably the inevitable “downness” of not being very focused with my spiritual disciplines and physical/health goals.

So I guess I should pray,
kiss the (hot!) baby,
try to sleep (I’ve been restless/sleepless for three nights now–oh, hey! that could be adding to my feeling so poor too, eh??),
trust God, and
hit the hay.

His mercies are new every morning, right?
Tomorrow is another day.

God bless and love from Montana,
Tara B.

I was working on a project for Peacemaker Ministries this week and yesterday I had to actually go into the offices for a few hours.

I said to Sophia: “Hey! Would you like to go and put on a cute outfit before we go to Daddy’s workplace?” (Picturing her in a nice sun dress and sandals.)

And she replied: “Well ... I think I’d like to put on a FUNNY outfit. Daddy will like it! He will laugh and laugh and say, ‘What a funny outfit!’”

I thought, “Why not? You’re only three once.”

And so ... and so ...





Ahhhhhhhhhh ... now THIS is a good life.
Thank You, God.



Happy Saturday, everyone!

Your friend,
Tara B.

I just received this list from my dear (dear!) friend and fellow PeaceGal, Ruth M., and I immediately asked her if I could share it with you all. (She said, “Sure! But it’s just a rough draft and it’s very much in process.”)

I’ve re-ordered things a bit (am I compulsive organizer or WHAT?) to group by genre ... and the little subittles are mine. (So blame me for the weird wording, not Ruth!)

But I just have to say, if you have ever said, “I would really like to help!” to a family in need (cancer? loss of a baby? unemployment? death?), I’d copy this list down and keep it in your files!

(That’s what I’m going to do for sure.)

Thanks, Ruth!
(BTW–Ruth has been battling cancer for years, so she speaks from experience. I’ve left some of her quotes in the list.)

Love to all–

Your friend,
Tara B.

“I would like to help in any way I can. I can…” “May I …”

Help with the Daily/Regular Ol’ Stuff of Life:
- Do any housekeeping chores you’d like (dishwashing, dusting, cleaning whatever needs cleaned, bathrooms, whatever!)
- Do your grocery shopping
- Do your laundry (at your home or mine)
- Feed your pets and plants
- Fix ............... in your house ("Things seem to break down more when there’s no one to fix it!")
- Weed and/or plant flowers
- Mow/trim the yard
- Wash/detail your car
- Have the oil changed in your car
- Get your car(s) inspected
- Take your children to the park (babysit anytime—even overnights)
- Take over you carpool duties
- Make school lunches

Help with the Stuff Specifically Related to the Crisis:
- Sit in the hospital waiting room with your family
- Handle updates and field phone calls and communications for you

(“I think one of the best things people can do is coordinating one or two people—usually a close friend or family member—to be in charge of obtaining updates and then distributing them. We had one for the phone and one for email and I can’t overstate the importance of this help. It kept all the prayer warriors informed without our having to repeat the news unnecessarily. It also guarded us from having to field various questions we may or may not have been able to answer.”)

- Coordinate the church’s mercy ministry aspect (meals, rides, etc.)

(“One of the most helpful things was done for me was that our Shepherding Elder’s wife coordinated the schedule of meals (she asked about our favorites, allergies, and our treatment schedule) and communicated with the church office about our needs. She even arranged transportation to appointments. She did this all through email—and it was far easier to communicate in this way than to answer several well-meaning phone calls wanting to help. This also helped to have a written record later of who did what so we could appropriately send thank you notes.”)

- Bring you the church bulletin and tell you about the sermon/service/church family
- Gather a cheer basket of movies, books, magazines (many loaned so home doesn’t get cluttered permanently)
- Host a special dinner and prayer time for you

(“One dear friend gathered our closest friends together for a dinner together where we enjoyed one another and prayed together before my surgery. This may not always be feasible (and wasn’t the third time around) but was a precious gift.”)

Gift Ideas:
“Anything to defray the expenses is helpful. Even with excellent insurance, illnesses and crises create unforeseen expenses and additional financial hardships.”

- Gas cards
- Grocery store cards
- Visa gift cards (“These things allow anyone in the home to run these errands for the patient and family without having to worry about money exchange.”)
- Hospital parking vouchers (“There are few things as insulting as family members of critically ill patients having to pay daily to park to oversee the care and visit with their loved one.”)
- Hospital cafeteria vouchers
- Soothing music CDs
- Bible on CD
- Ipod with audio books already programmed on it
- Humorous cards and signs (“Laughter is great medicine and it’s not possible to overemphasize this aspect. But, please be sensitive to the particular personality and your own relationship with the person.”)
- Guest book for visitors to sign and write notes. (“This is good even if patient is sleeping, for visitors to leave notes and encouragement even after they’ve gone. I still read mine.”)
- Pamphlets that share the gospel to give to medical personnel and others

(“I recommend John Piper’s “Quest for Joy—Six Biblical Truths” and other resources relevant to illness and hope. I had an IV tech nurse come back to me for counseling following my giving her the John Piper brochure. There is no time like a crisis to share the hope of the gospel!”)

- Care bags for waiting rooms—puzzle books/word game, water, snacks, change for phone calls, scripture pamphlets, pen/pencil, notepad
- Scripture signs and encouragement notes for the hospital rooms
- Dry-erase marker board for the hospital room to help keep track of phone numbers, room numbers, the names of nurses and doctors, the next pain medicine time
- A night away for the couple (including childcare too).

“One of the wisest recommendations we received initially was to not postpone couple time together. For each of my diagnoses, Tim and I have taken (made!) time to be away alone together. These are precious memories for us both and served to strengthen our bond and our faith in times that were otherwise chaotic. Some folks contributed to an overnight and special dinner for us one time.”

I think I might actually go to the gym this morning. (It’s been a few days off–ever since Lili’s surgery and HER inability to walk in the morning, somehow I’ve justified that to mean that I’M excused from working out. Yeah, right. But this morning my back said, “Ow! Ow! Ow! Activity PLEASE!!” and that’s hard to say no to.)

So here I am on our main level, tennis-shoes in hand, about to grab my Bose Noise-Cancelling Earphones and a dvd to watch during the 45 minute aerobic portion of my workout. (Ahhhhhhhhh–seriously? I NEVER regret my Bose total splurge purchase! Airports, airplanes, and the gym–all places worthy of CANCELING OUT NOISE.)

But as I glance at my “view” around the kitchen, dining room, and living room, I think to myself, “I bet some of my blogging friends might get a smile or two from a little glimpse into our chaos.”

So here you are ...

ARTS & CRAFTS? TARA?
For some inexplicable reason, I offered to help two sisters in our church who work in the public schools teaching children with disabilities in an economically-depressed area of Billings. (OK OK–it’s not inexplicable that I’d offer to help–I’ve actually done that before. But what is ENTIRELY inexplicable is that this time, I ended up doing ARTS & CRAFTS (coloring, cutting, and gluing) to help them prepare a bunch of lessons/games for their kids.)



Seriously? EVEN THOUGH I TRIED, my “work” looks like a 6 year-old did it. (I’m so ashamed!)

I can only assume that these amazing gals will never again ask me to help with a project like this!!
(But I hope they keep letting me serve them in other ways.)

OH–and last point on these pics: It takes FOREVER (hours & hours & HOURS!) to color, cut, and paste out this stuff. My cutting hand was CRAMPED. I have no idea how you teachers/homeschoolers do it. I was very impressed. AND I prayed for you as I worked.


TRAINS, TRAINS, TRAINS
Usually we do a little clean-up at the end of each day so that we start the following morning with things “decent and in good order.” (A little Presbyterian lingo there.)

But not last night. I just didn’t have it in me to ask Sophie to take down this AMAZING “Thomas the Tank Engine” and “Little People” track/world that she had created and played with for hours.

Her hills were SO COOL! (Under tables and chairs and each other and everything.) And the stories she made up? The songs she sang? It was just so fun–and I was perfectly happy to leave things “as is” so that she could play with them again this morning.




POOR, SWEET, LOVIE-BEAR LILI
Cuddle-bear, recovering puppy is quite snuggly these days. And so far–she has NOT chewed out her stitches (praise God!).

(Years ago when SHE had this surgery, Choza chewed OUT all of her stitches. That meant that we had to (of course) immediately bring her back to the vet for ANOTHER surgery so they could put them back in. Can you say expensive??? Fred was not pleased.)

Anyway ... I’ll close with these pics of my dear little Golden Retriever puppy, Lilikoi. Our Lili. Silly Lilly. (Do you see her poor little pathetically-shaved tummy? Oh, Lili.)



Hope you all enjoy a wonderful Friday!

Love,
Tara B.

PS
Back in 2003, after Choza ripped her stitches out, she had to spend DAYS in one of those horrible puppy collars. We’ve made MANY a “get well” card for friends using her picture and the following text too.

A LITTLE ADVICE ON RECOVERY
(FROM A PUPPY WHO’S BEEN THERE)



- Medicine goes down better with a yummy treat
- Don’t chew your bandages (otherwise, they’ll make you wear one of these collars)
- Take lots of naps
- Let your family give you hugs, kisses, and tummy rubs
- Remember that you are loved!

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

Psalm 34:17-19

I just spent a few hours with a remarkable woman (and her two wonderful children!) and I just have to say:

Thank You, God, for answering prayers that I don’t even have enough faith (or awake hours or diligence?) to pray.

Seriously–I was so blessed to spend time with this woman ...

AND ... we MAY get to work together on a project to serve our little local church too!
(Shhhhhhhhhh ... have to wait on that one until we pray some and talk with our hubbies and they pray some and we check with some people in authority too. )

But still ...
Even just the POSSIBILITY of getting to work with her?
I am blessed blessed blessed.

I’ll tell you more later (especially if our little brainstorming idea works out–I have the feeling it will be fodder for many a blog entry in the future).

But I just wanted to say, “HOORAY God!”
And yes, Anne–thanks for your comment. What a sweet reminder that God CARES ABOUT THE DETAILS OF OUR LIVES.
And He is, most definitely (no matter what our suffering) ... GOOD.

I love you all!
Thanks for the notes of concern–hope my early morning blog wasn’t too concerning to you all.
I’m OK. Really.

And you know ... it’s not a bad thing to grieve.
(I won’t mind when it’s done forever come Heaven. But for now–suffering really is a part of the Christian walk.)

PLUS, I was thinking that someone (with a lot of time on their hands) should do a spreadsheet and graph out my “happy” and “sad” blogs. Bet you’d see like a 28-32 day pattern.

(Blush. Smile. Hah hah.)

Love you guys!
Hang in there–

Your friend,
Tara B.

Did anyone else memorize the “Free to Be You and Me” album from the 1970’s? Thirty years later, my sister Kali and I can STILL sing, “Some mommies are truck drivers” and “It’s alright to cry–crying gets the sad out of you” and I am very careful in how I teach Sophia that “ladies go first,” because I still have visions of tigers eating proud little fancily-dressed girls.

(I know. I know. That will make NO sense to most of you who were spared this musical adventure. But for those of you in the skinny–in the know–can’t you hear the tunes even now??)

Well, another song on the album went like this:

"Some kind of help is the kind of help that helping’s all about.
And some kind of help is the kind of help ... WE ALL COULD DO WITHOUT."

This morning, I am REALLY REALLY REALL thinking about some “help” that I’ve been receiving that, well, actually? I could really do without right now.

"Help" that leaves Fred and me bewildered. Shocked. Striving in faith to not be angry.
“Help” that condemns as it feels graceless and hopeless.
“Help” that really makes us want to GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE AND RUN FAR FAR AWAY!!!!

But we won’t.

Instead–we’ll go to sleep a little more prayerful and a little less happy/cuddly/snuggly and a little more isolated physically and emotionally. (So then, in the next few days, we’ll have to FIGHT to remember that WE are OK and OUR relationship is whole and sound and it’s OK to trust each other. No matter what is coming at us.)

We’ll persevere and not run away. (We keep saying for years now that we would be so happy if God were to call us TO something–not just that WE want to GET AWAY FROM something.) And so we will remain. With joy. Contentment. Battling moment by moment to cling to Christ, worship Him rightly, and have Hope.

We’ll keep trying. Specifically, I’ll keep trying. (Because Fred, as usual, seems to only receive GLOWING affirmations about EVERYTHING he ever does. It’s like WHO he is and WHAT he does are always, well, GREAT. But that wife of his ... man! What to do with her. What to do. What to do.) So I keep trying ... to remember Who God is; who I am in Christ; what GOD has called me to; all of the present means of grace available to me now; the brevity of life and how this not my home and how ONE GOOD DAY this will all end and I’ll get to die. (Trying hard to not wish that day along too quickly!)

We’ll look at the day/week/month and try to make plans ("consider the tower") so that we are wise; but we’ll always know that God is the Real Maker of Plans and everything could change in an instant.

We’ll look for ways to serve.
We’ll try to love our neighbor.

And somehow–it’s a miracle!–I am praying for the grace to be quiet and listen to this “help.” To listen and pray and understand. To submit. To not be crushed by it.

Because it sure does NOT feel like “the kind of help that helping’s all about.”
(Help that has even a smidgen of encouragement, kindness, and guidance that isn’t 100% centered on changing everything that is wrong with me because I am such a horrific failure at, well, EVERYTHING.)

But we can all only do our best, right?
I can’t be anyone but me–and I’m sure (100% sure!) that the constant stream of criticism and warning and judgment being leveled at me right now is for my good in some mysterious way.

And I’m totally sure that whatever criticism is coming my way is not even CLOSE to identifying even a FRACTION of the darkness (sin, unbelief, self, pride, blindspots) that continues to reside within me.

And so we listen. And pray. And try to sleep. And try to get up and get to work.

As Fred prayed over me last night, he prayed:

"A bruised reed, God will not crush.
A smoldering ember, He will not snuff out."

We’ll see. We’ll see.

To be honest–getting snuffed out or crushed doesn’t sound like the worst of the options.
But a daily dying to self?
Picking up this HUGE, SCRATCHY CROSS that makes me bleed and isolates me from everyone around me?
(Well, everyone but Christ.)

Yes–yes–there’s the rub.
Today I kneel and God places His yoke on me. It actually is quite light.
And yes I pick up my Cross–because it is an honor to be counted worthy to carry it.
But God also gives me HIMSELF. The Holy Spirit DOES live within me. I am not alone.

And even though I THINK I’m carrying it, I am being upheld at all times by the One Who loves me MOST.

- Someone throws a rock and it cuts me? (Not apart from God’s sovereign care and goodness it doesn’t.)

- My fallenness, stupidity, or outright SIN splashes out of my “in need of further sanctification” heart? (Yes, yes, but even THEN I can have hope ... “for it is GOD Who works in me” to conform me to His Son.)

- No one understands me. I have no place to fit in. Whatever I do, it’s not enough. (I’m too quiet and no one knows about my service because I do it in secret. I’m too public and too many people know how I try to serve. Catch-22. Hard to know how to “fix” that one, eh?)

Oh well.

What can you do.
It’s another day.

Poor Lilikoi has bandages and stitches from her “girl” surgery and her dew-claw removal surgery. She’s so sweet and sleepy with the medications they’re giving her.

My house is a mess–but that’s OK! One of Sophie’s and my big projects yesterday was sending out (very rough edit versions of) my little VIDEO DVD SERIES to some watchers/reviewers. (Their main goal? CATCH ANY HERESY SO WE CAN DELETE IT BEFORE I REALLY GET IN TROUBLE!!! )

Serve a young family.
Try to reach out.

Try NOT to tip over the edge back into “the dark place” (where I forget the Truth and my emotions and unbiblical thinking–especially words from others–begin to swim and move and then take root and grow grow grow until they smother my breath and choke out any ability to think clearly and I am left gasping for air, barely alive, crying every single day, every day–day after day). Oh no. The dark place, the dark night of the soul, is NOT a good place to be.

So faith’s fight against sin, right?!
Remember, Tara! Remember ONE TRUE THING ABOUT GOD this day.
And let that SILENCE all of these other voices that are tempted to define you.

It’s just hard.
So very, very hard.

I do SO hope that you are all NOT having a season like this!!
And that you ARE receiving “the kind of help that helping’s all about.”

Please do let me know if there is anything I can do for you–

With love from Montana,
Tara B.

Yesterday I went to bed thinking about a time–years ago–when an older gentleman sat me down and confronted me on a number of weaknesses that he observed in my character.

I remember being shocked–I hardly knew him and yet he felt that he could just confront me like this?!

I remember feeling sad. Tired. Beaten down. Dejected.

But last night? I thought to myself, “I should do a little searching and find my journals from that time period to read what he actually said to me. I bet it was spot-on and, in fact, quite redemptive.”

(This man is actually known to be a very encouraging, gracious, and loving pastor. Many people love and trust him. But my interactions with him have, inevitably, been tainted by that difficult conversation we had those many years ago.)

Still–with hindsight and maybe even a smidgen more of humility gained with years of life (and many more conversations where people point out my weaknesses and failures) ... with a more accurate view of myself (strengths too) ... with a growing faith in Christ and confidence in His gospel ...

I guess I just wonder: How would I respond today to a similar conversation?

Would it tip me over the edge again? Back into the darkness of despair where I have ABSOLUTELY NO HOPE because my eyes are FIXED on my sins and failures and weaknesses ... rather than being fixed on CHRIST?

Would I be defensive?
Annoyed?
Hurt?

Or would I listen?
With gratitude–would I grow?

I pray that I would.

Hmmmmmmmmmm ... maybe my interactions with this man (in a few weeks) will be more pleasant this year? That’d be grand.

Hope you enjoy a blessed Wednesday!

With love,
Tara B.

PS
If you’d like a great resource on this topic, I encourage you to read The Cross and Criticism: Learning to Take Criticism in Light of the Gospel by my pastor, Alfred Poirier. It’s a keeper.

With Samara (& Scout & William Henry) here for a visit this past weekend, the Barthel Family took a “back-row-pew” during our 90 minute church service.

(Yes, yes. Do you question whether we REALLY have HOUR long sermons? Well–doubt no more. Just click on through to our tiny (it’s like going to seminary every week!) Montana-church and you’ll know for SURE!)

We ended up sitting in front of our dear friends, the Sande’s, and Ken made the casual comment, “I hear you have a new dog.”

(Now–picture this! Lilikoi had JUST eaten through a pair of “too big for her now but will fit come fall and wow! what a steal at clearance prices!” shoes for Sophia AND pee’d on the floor/carpet AND generally been a “jump up on tiny kids who cares if I scratch 'em” PAIN IN THE YOU KNOW WHERE (!!) when Ken made this comment.)

And (though I was tempted to give him my standard, “If we had KNOWN that God was going to take our baby from us we NEVER would’ve gotten a DOG” pathetic whine/schpeal), Ken & I shared a little fellowship over these facts:

God is sovereign.
NOTHING happens apart from His sovereign care.
Love.
GOODNESS.
And He is utterly trustworthy.

Dogs? Cancer? Prodigals? Job loss? Friends moving away?
GOD IS SOVEREIGN.

And He IS good.

I hope that you all enjoy a blessed Tuesday!

Your sister in Christ,
Tara B.

PS
This tiny (30 second?) conversation reminded me of one of my "Slice of Infinity" daily devotionals that I had received from Ravi Zacharias Ministries the previous week. I love this author (Jill Carratini)–what a writer!! And I truly encourage you to all click on through, be challenged, and ENJOY!

(Let me tempt you with this TINY excerpt:

"There is the thing we plan on doing with our lives, and then there’s the thing we end up doing, which becomes our life. Christians might have a nuanced view of Plan A–it is God’s plan we are trying to follow. But there is still very much an initial picture of what this plan, and subsequently our lives, will–or should–look like. God’s best becomes something like a divine Plan A, while any other plan leads the follower to something else entirely."

God bless, friends!–tkb

Well ... apparently, I have a problem.
A big one.

One morning this past week as I walked Lilikoi in the (smoky-haze-of-Montana-is-on-fire) early morning hours ... I realized something.

When I thought of a certain person.
(No. No. Not THAT person. Someone ELSE.)

When I pictured this person, I thought to myself:

"I will never forgive you."

Oh my!!
Barred-from-communion-table-level of SIN, people!!!!!

WHAT?!?!
I would THINK that?
Feel that?
Say that, even only to myself?

THIS IS A SERIOUS SIN, PEOPLE.

And thankfully–BY GOD’S GRACE ALONE!–my NEXT thought was:

"Oh, please, God ... FORGIVE ME! Please forgive me. Please have mercy on my–apparently bitter, vengeful, wretched–heart! And please change me. Turn me from my sin. Thank you for showing me this. Now–please, God. Forgive me and change me. I know that I cannot both love you and hate my brother. (1 John! 1 John!)"

And so it begins ...

Prayer.
Journaling.
Seeking counsel and accountability.
Repentance.
Prayer.
More repentance.

The good news is that God truly IS a forgiving God!!
And already, the temporary “pleasure” that bitterness and a judgmental, critical spirit affords is ALREADY being shown to be a HORROR of an enemy.
And I want no part of it.

God is faithful!
He IS conforming us to the image of His Son.

Oh–THANK GOD.
(I do. I really, really do.)

Pastor Alfred reminded us yesterday that conversion is a resurrection.
That God peered into the orphanage and said to the WORST KID, “I am going to adopt you and you will be mine and I will be yours.”
That even though we don’t look very glorious today–in Christ, before GOD, we ARE glorious.

The gospel brings dead people to life!
Thank You, Lord.

Happy, Blessed, Monday all!

With love,
Tara B.

Well, our dear friends, Samara, Eleanor Scout, and William, have left for the long drive back to Helena.

It was great to have them here for the weekend–chaotic, exhausting, fun ... but bittersweet too. I think it’s just one of those “it’s hard to transition to a long-distance friendship” type things. (I.e., back when we were in and out of each other’s lives on a pretty much daily basis, I had a lot of confidence as to how I could best interact with–serve, encourage, love–them. But when we only get to see each other a few times a year, things are different. Still great–but different. Does that make any sense?)

ANYWAY ... I thought you might enjoy some of the pictures, so here you are ...
It really was so wonderful to get to be with them.

MAN! Scout is a GREAT artist already. And that William Henry? I could eat him up with a spoon.
Plus, of course, every tiny snippet of time I had with Samara was a joy.

Thank God for friends.
And for this Sabbath day too!

Love to all!
– Tara B.

First stop–getting matching braids at “Lil' Noggins”



Then, off to “Build a Bear”



A good night’s sleep in matching “Ariel” pajamas ...



And we’re off to the races with pancakes and a trip to the zoo ...







Sunday morning ... was it the Spirit or the THREE DOUGHNUT BREAKFAST that encouraged all of the pre-service DANCING?? (Do you see Fred in the background warming up with the worship team? !!)





I guess there is no mystery as to why Sophie always introduces Scout by saying, “This is Scout. She is my best friend.”

Wouldn’t many of us say that “one anothering” ("love one another," “serve one another,” "pray for one another," etc.) happens in community, and thus ... relationships are important?

Wouldn’t we say that the Church is the Body of Christ–and thus, we hold a high view of her and we seek to build up the Church?

Doesn’t it sound really good in theory to say that "change happens within community" and "there are no Lone Ranger Christians" and "God uses people to grow us in grace"?

But then ... let’s be honest:

- Isn’t hard to forbear with people? Well, CERTAIN people?

- When it’s 6:30PM on a Monday, would you rather veg out and RELAX or grab your Bible and head out the door to small group?

- Isn’t your first instinct, upon hearing of a family’s struggle or a marriage in crisis to think, “I wonder if they’ve met with the pastor. Maybe they should call the pastor.” (Because–seriously. Do we REALLY want to call them up, set a time to get together, and try to encourage/serve/help them? REALLY?)

And yet ... the Christian walk truly is a shared pilgrimage.

The Church truly is God’s Plan A. There is no Plan B.
Relationships matter.

So ... off I go into another day.
Trying not to cry as I persevere in relationship with someone who has hurt me.
Striving to reach out to someone in need.
Praying for grace to RECEIVE blessings and help from others too.

"Love one another as I have loved you."
“Live a life of love–just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
“The one who claims to love God yet hates his brother? He is a liar and the truth is not in him.”

May God have mercy on our souls! (He does. He does.)
May those of us who struggle in relating to people GROW and LEARN by being teachable and humble.
(And may all of you wonderfully at-ease relational people help us! )

This IS the day that the Lord has made.
I’m back from walking Lili and heading to the gym and counting down the minutes until Samara & Scout & William arrive tonight–
Rejoicing in the Lord.

By faith, I will rejoice and be glad in this day.

Happy Friday, all!

With love,
Tara B.

Our church’s summer intern, (future pastor) Bruce Clark, made this observation in one of his recent sermons:

"The extent I judge and criticize and reject others? This is the extent I don’t understand myself."

Don’t you think that is true?

(Sorry. I tried a few times to come up with some pithy observation or application and NOPE. My brain, apparently, is completely FRITZED OUT. I’m just going to let his statement stand on its own.)

Hope you’re all having a great day!

Yours,
Tara B.

One of the benefits of preparing to teaching my "Mediating the Miserable Christian Marriage" workshop at the upcoming Peacemaker Conference is that I “had to” review all of the notes I’ve ever taken during the marital mediations I’ve co-conciliated with my pastor, Jason Barrie.

Pastor Jason is a brilliant and godly man–and a great counselor/conciliator. I was SO edified to re-read the counsel he shared with our clients:

- “When we forgive one another, we grace one another.”

- “Turn with me to Colossians 3 and let’s all remember together how the gospel is not just the doorway to salvation, it is the very air we breathe.”

- When one of the parties asked us why they had made so much progress in only two days of mediation–after spending 30 years going to “marriage counseling” and “marriage conferences,” etc. Jason replied, "Many of those things can be great, but often, we miss the most important element. It’s like a nerf ball. You can squish it and try to hold it in—but it pops out again. God cares about our HEARTS.”

- “Relationships are established on mutual trust and accountability. We have to deal with it. It’s not magic. Christ forgives me so I forgive you. These are not magic words—but they proclaim the truth that God HAS dealt with it and He IS dealing with it and He WILL deal with it. Then we promise to not bring it up again; use it against you; dwell on it; talk to others; allow it to hinder our personal relationship. This is grounded in the way the God forgives us. This is the gospel.”

- “As husbands, we are called to be the Chief Confessors. We should be leading our wives by being the FIRST one to repent. The first one to confess. The first one to admit our sin. The first one to ask for forgiveness.”

Oh! AND ... he’s perfectly comfortable talking about the s*x stuff too. (Which is important in marriage mediations, believe you me!)

One downside of co-conciliating with Pastor Jason? Like me, he has absolutely NO sense of direction, so we get lost a lot if we have to drive to any location. (This is particularly ironic since Jason was a navigation officer/West Point graduate.) Hah hah.

Anyway–thank God for Pastor Jason and his beautiful, brilliant, godly wife, Kristin.

Happy Wednesday, all!

Yours,
Tara B.

OK. OK. How could I EVER even struggle to enjoy this little fuzzy pup? (But I do! I do! Every time she accidentally knocks Sophie over/scratches Sophie, it really DOES bug me. Still ... she’s a sweetie bear and I love her.)

Hope you enjoy the pics–
Don’t you think the “fetch” ones with the toy mid-air are like Sports-Illustrated-worthy??



Love ya,
t

I realized recently that I haven’t been posting many cute pictures of our Golden Retriever puppy, Lilikoi. (We call her “Lili” – or most often, “Silly Lilly.”)

This has made me reflect on the GLARING discrepancy in the actual NUMBER of photos we took of our first dog, Choza, and this ... the “second child” dog, Lili.

(Poor ol' Lili.
Now I understand why my sister had a baby book and I didn’t.
And I always SWORE I would never to that to a child!! Well ... I guess there’s still hope with the CHILD thing, we are, after all, only talking about a PET here.)

We must’ve had 1,000 photos of Choza when she was a puppy–and I bet I’d have to work hard to find 50 of Lilikoi.

But she is sweet!
And cute.
And I’ll try to do better.

The “real” reason for this blog on Lili, however, is that I’ve been convicted of an unfair expectation that I’ve been putting on her (and, like many unmet expectations, this one has led to bitterness in my heart).

You see ... Choza was not a perfect dog. She had her faults. But she was perfect around children. Seriously. Absolutely, 100% PERFECT.

Even as a “wild and crazy freaking out” puppy. If a child approached, she INSTINCTIVELY SAT DOWN. She could be running at full tilt, chasing, playing, jumping ... but if a child came towards her, she immediately sat and calmed and waited to see if the CHILD would approach HER.

(If you haven’t seen this YouTube video of Choza and Sophie that illustrates what I’m trying to describe, I encourage you to click on over. It is SO funny. You may even laugh out loud.)

In her life, Choza never knocked over a child, jumped up on a child, or–as far as I know–harmed a child in any way.

This is NOT true of Lili.

While not aggressive, Lili is the SAME around kids as she is around adults. We’re working hard to train her, of course, but she JUMPS UP on people. (!!!!) And when she jumps on children, she scares them. Scratches them. And sometimes knocks them completely over.

I HATE THIS. And I’ve realized lately that it’s made me hate HER, well, just a little bit.

So I’m trying to REPENT and stop having unrealistic expectations of her.
(Yes, it is still my duty to TRAIN HER to stop this bad behavior–but I can’t expect her to be Choza. Choza was really a once-in-a-life-time dog.)

And I’m working hard to find out Lili’s specialness and ENJOY HER too. (Like, for example, she loves to RETRIEVE. This is very fun! And VERY unlike our “Golden NON-Retriever,” Choza, who never retrieved ONCE in her life.)

Anyway–I think I was just thinking about the “GAP” between what we want and what we get in life–
And whether we are, by FAITH, responding to unmet expectations with smoldering ugliness and a lack of love ... OR with patience, God-centered kindness, and an acknowledgment that US getting what WE want is NOT the goal of our lives.

Hope to have more pics to post soon! (I promise to try to do better. )

Happy Tuesday to you all!

And much love,
Tara B.

One of the great aspects of working hard to lose 100 lbs is the sense that I am doing something good and wise for my heart. (My physical heart that is–I’m not talking metaphorically here about idols or worship or anything.)

High blood pressure, high cholesterol, high triglycerides, and heart disease all run in my family–and I was well aware of all of that during the three years I spent in that “morbidly obese” BMI grouping after the birth of Sophia.

Anyway ... as I have baby-stepped my way back down into a mere “overweight” BMI (which may sound AWFUL to some of you–but if you’ve ever struggled with food and weight, you’ll know this is actually a WONDERFUL WONDERFUL thing from our perspective!) ... I thought it might be wise to have some blood work drawn and do a little cardiac work-up.

We won’t know anything “for sure” until tests are run, etc. (and then, of course, nothing is “really” for sure) ... but I was truly blessed by my time with a certain doctor this morning:

- He treated me with respect. I was prepared for our time together and I had a number of questions to ask him. He took the time to educate me and answer my questions–and he never made me feel stupid for asking them.

- He didn’t “overpromise” (medicine is an art, right?) but he was encouraging too. One of the biggest encouragements for me was to learn that this fear I have that I am “flooding my heart with adrenaline” and “taking years off of my life” because of my type-A personality has, in fact, been shown to NOT be true on a purely “numbers” basis. (I.e., studies have been done and personality typing is NOT a risk factor for heart disease/heart attacks.) Of course ... I may still want to work on being more calm and gentle for OTHER reasons (I do!), but I don’t need to worry or feel guilt/stress about this ONE aspect of my life. (Hooray!)

- He listened. Explained. And THEN made a recommendation. And after that? He reminded me that it is my health and my body and in his office, there will always be a “shared decision making process.” (I.e., if I decide to NOT follow his advice, he will support my decision because his recommendation is only that–a recommendation. Of course, he’s the doctor, not me. So Fred and I will prayerfully consider what he says and give it a lot of thought.)

What a gift of grace to have access to this doctor! (Yes, yes ... our family has paid THOUSANDS of dollars in medical bills this year alone. But it’s still a grace to have this kind of access, counsel, and the ability to pay our bills too. Grace grace grace!)

Hope you’re all having a great Monday.

I’m totally in the ZONE for working hard because I HAVE TO have all FOUR of my outlines to Peacemaker Ministries today for the four workshops I am teaching at their Annual Conference next month in North Carolina:

1. How Can I Submit When I Know He’s Wrong?
2. Biblical Hope (and Help) for Women with Powerful Personalities
3. Mediating the Miserable Christian Marriage: An Advanced Case Study
4. Peacemaking for Preschoolers (and Their Mothers!)

Thanks for any prayers you care to send my way!

God bless and much love,
Tara B.

Twelve years ago today, God brought Fred and I together in Christian marriage.

My “spiritual father,” Dr. Paul Jensen, spoke near our wedding–he was SO close! (He ended up missing the ceremony by just a few minutes so he gave his message during our reception.)

My “spiritual Grandpa,” Bernard Vogelaar (Grandma Doris’s husband of over 53 years–"So he knows a thing or two about love!" as he explained to Fred during our courtship), prayed over us to close the ceremony.

Looking at my father and step-mother, mother and step-father, and my “Christian parents” (whom I lived with for my last two years of high school), how did my own dad, Joe Klena, respond when the pastor asked, “Who gives this bride away?” "We all do!" of course.

I remember being nervous and feeling stupid about how I looked, how much I weighed or didn’t weigh; my hair, my lipstick, whatever. But I never ONCE remember being nervous about marrying Fred. Never. Not once. Not during our courtship, our engagement, and never not one day since. I have only, EVER, been grateful. (And QUITE mindful of how I could never deserve such a man.)

On my wedding day, I remember that as much as I LOVED being with our friends and family at the celebration, a huge part of me couldn’t WAIT to get out of there and just BE WITH FRED and start our lives together. But as we stopped at our little grad-school apartment on the way out of town, and saw the HUGE MESS that had been left by our guests, my darling husband (of all of three hours) KNEW that I would enjoy our honeymoon MUCH BETTER if I didn’t have THAT picture in my mind (seriously–dirty dishes, milk and food left OUT, wet towels on hardwood floors ... it was BAD), so there he was ... in his wedding suit and his own FATHER’S TIE (Fred wore a simple navy suit and wore the same tie that HIS DAD had worn in HIS wedding back in 1959), sleeves rolled up, DOING DISHES and straightening pillows so that his bride would head off on their honeymoon happy.

(Am I the strangest person you’ve ever met or WHAT? And do I have the kindest husband or what?)

Twelve years.
One-third of my entire life.
Mrs. Frederick Steinus Barthel.

This is a grace I could never deserve.
But I am SO grateful for–every single day.

Eight months prior to our wedding day, when Fred asked me to be his wife (and I responded:"Yes! Yes! Of course, yes!"), Fred told me that he wanted to make me deliriously happy in life.

Can you imagine?
Melancholy ol' Tara?
Deliriously happy?

Well, dear ... you have done it.
And even on our “worst” days (days when I am at my worst and you continue on in your steadfast kindness and mercy toward me) ... You, Fred Barthel, make me deliriously happy.

And I am so grateful to God for you!

Happy 12th Anniversary, darling!
You are truly the best husband in the entire world and I love you.

Yours forever,
Tara B.

Blessed yet again by an email from missionary/theologian Ajith Fernando–

Chuckling at his comment that, “Today is my off day. On my off day I like to indulge by doing pleasurable things–usually that means eating sweet things which are now not good for me! So I indulged by writing the attached piece that emerged from my devotions when I read about Stephen!”–

And seeing all sorts of opportunities to apply his wisdom (especially on LEADERSHIP) to our families, ministries, businesses, and churches–

I received his permission to reprint it below.

Hope you enjoy!

God bless,
Tara B.

BEING FRUITFUL FAILURES
Ajith Fernando

What a challenge Stephen is to us! His ministry was so wise and so Spirit-anointed that people could not withstand his message (Acts 6:10). Yet they arrested him and brought him to the Council. And they found themselves confronted by a strange dilemma. The man whom they accused of speaking against Moses actually had an angelic glow on his face similar to what Moses had when he came down from the mountain after being with God (6:13-15)! Their response was to kill him.

But over 2000 years later he is still speaking to us and challenging us to follow God’s way of grace-and-power-propelled (6:8 ), Word-saturated (7:2-53), Spirit-and-wisdom-filled (6:10) ministry. It is acknowledged that he had a major role to play in freeing Christianity from being confined to Judaism and the Temple. He was the theological precursor of all missionary theology. He is considered the father of Christian apologetics and was the model for those great heroes of early Christianity, the apologists who defended and helped establish Christianity in the first few centuries.

Stephen’s long-term fruitfulness tells us that the key to assessing whether or not a ministry is blessed by God is not the immediate results which that ministry exhibits. The important thing is eternal fruit. By the world’s standards Stephen was a failure; by God’s standards he was eternally fruitful. He was a fruitful failure.

We are faced with a serious challenge today. This is an era where we have seen the inadequacy of ministries that claimed to be faithful to eternal principles but saw no real growth because they did not boldly go forward into new and creative ventures. Reacting to this, the church growth movement rightly reminded us that we must target numerical growth, because each person represents a person rescued from hell and given a place in heaven. They said we need a theology of harvest rather than simply a theology of sowing. So there has been a new thrust for numerical growth among Christians during the past thirty-five years and success is often measured by such growth.

Then there’s what we may call the “projectification of ministry.” Ministry is viewed in terms of projects. Funds are raised, measurable goals are projected, a contract is signed and the job is done in a way that will produce the measurable goals. If ungodly people are the agents of these projects, that anomaly is ignored because of the impressive results they get.

A challenge comes from the business world too. There the important thing is getting profits now. If there are no profits now the share holders are advised to invest elsewhere. So a great effort is made to show that the business is having a good profit, and the results are reported each quarter. Sometimes companies will hurt faithful employees, doctor accounts, withhold information and publish false reports in order to give investors the idea that they are making great profits. Recently we have seen some respectable corporations falling into this trap. Christians don’t work to make quarterly profits for businesses which usually don’t last for more than a few decades and which are sometimes taken over by the same company they’ve been competing with. Our work is a building block that contributes to the construction of the eternal kingdom that is competing with, and will one day utterly destroy, Satan’s kingdom.

In this environment, the attraction of immediate results to Christian groups could be so strong that it could blind us from seeing the priority and value of eternal fruit. Christians and Christian groups could fall into the trap of being addicted to immediate results. Addicts ignore a lot of vitally important things as they relentlessly go after that which they are addicted to. Because of this we need to constantly keep reminding ourselves of the values which drive our lives; those values which will reap eternal fruit.

A SPECIFIC APPLICATION

All this has been coming to me strongly during the past few days as we are working prayerfully with our leaders and Board on a document presenting our dreams for the next five years. We are hoping for much growth in new and exciting areas, and we have written down those hopes. However, it soon became evident to us that before writing down our dreams we must first and foremost write down our values. If we are to bear eternal fruit the dreams must be fulfilled without compromising our values. So we need to keep repeating and emphasising our values.

Growth takes place in Youth for Christ through the nurturing of leaders. When there are sufficient leaders to start a new venture some are released to do it. We will not start a new venture without sufficient leaders. We will not build a new building without first developing a strong group of trusted people who will ensure that the building is used in a way that is in keeping with our organisational values.

It is very easy for us to come to a situation of growing and recruiting capable but ungodly people to manage the new ventures we start. They may be perform the volume of the work they are given to do. But the way they behave could bring great dishonour to God. The result would be that we move away from being who God intends us to be.

In Christianity doing comes from being. Doing good is a result of being good. Unholy people should not be the custodians of the kingdom agenda. If that happens we would have grown at the expense of our values. We would have become earthly successes and eternal flops. We are constantly faced with this danger in our YFC ministry and are sometimes alarmed by how we too have succumbed to this wave of seeking growth even at the cost of principles.

Spiritual Fellowship. Let’s take one example of how the method of growth can clash with the values of the organisation. Finding people of integrity is not easy in today’s world. We can easily be deceived into entrusting our work to smart-talking go-getters who are not saints. So we have to be very careful in the selection of leaders and staff. The people we put to serve in a given area must be people who strive to obey God and ensure always that they are filled with the Spirit. Curriculum vita sheets rarely reflect the character of a person. Sadly, letters of recommendation written by respected leaders also often hide serious character flaws in a person.

Let’s take Asia’s besetting sin: lying. Most religions say it is wrong to lie. But Christians claim that the uniqueness of our religion is that God gives us the strength to give up lying. If Christians continue to lie they are proclaiming to the world that what Christianity teaches about the power of God is a lie! The damage to the cause of Christ is immense. So we must be very careful to ensure that our leaders are not liars. However, a liar can easily become a Christian leader. That person then becomes a cancer in leading the church into becoming like the world.

How can we detect lying and stamp it out of the church? Perhaps the most effective way is through close spiritual fellowship where spiritual accountability is practiced. In such a fellowship one who lies will be pushed into either giving up the practice of lying or leaving. The biblical lifestyle of walking in the light as the basis of having fellowship with one another (1 John 1:7) will result in a spiritual climate which makes liars uncomfortable. An organisational culture where the members lovingly confront those whom they feel have been untruthful would be a strong impetus for giving up the habit of lying. Sometimes God will supernaturally act to show expose and purge the church of lying as he did with Peter’s confrontation of Ananias and Sapphira and their resulting deaths.

But for such spiritual fellowship there has to be a jarring deceleration from the high speed quest for results so that the members can linger with each other in unhurried spiritual communion. Where’s the time for such fellowship in this fast paced world? It is very dangerous to neglect such fellowship. If we are too busy for it, we are simply too busy. We must change our schedules; slow down our growth and clear our diaries so that there is time for deep fellowship.

Discipling. A key activity that must accompany spiritual fellowship is the individual discipling and the nurturing of people until they become leaders. This also takes time—time that may temporarily hold back superficial growth, but that will foster healthy long-term growth!

My prayer for YFC is that all our leaders will continue to give priority to the slow, hard work of caring for our people. That is what discipling is: caring for our people. That would include:
- visiting them in their home settings;
- having regular appointments with them and spending whatever time is needed to minister comprehensibly to
them;
- teaching them the Word and instructing them about how to live for and serve God;
- advising, warning, rebuking and praising them;
- earnestly praying for them regularly;
- dreaming about their welfare and progress in life and ministry; and
- providing opportunities for them to blossom as effective servants of Christ.

If we do this, then we will have leaders who facilitate growth that will not compromise our values. Fruitless short term success is useless on the long run. We need to be people who are willing to look like failures so that we can truly bear eternal fruit.

I had the most wonderful visit with a dear friend last week. Our schedules have not overlapped much lately, so it was particularly sweet to just get to talk and laugh and cry together for a bit.

(PLUS–the impetus for our get-together was that I had asked for her help arranging two dozen roses in a vase because some other dear friends were celebrating their 25th Wedding Anniversary (!!) and I wanted to give them a little blessing. But of course–you know me!–when it comes to things like flower arranging or other artistic things, well ... Fred would say that I have “other gifts.”

So as we chatted, my friend made it look SO EASY to just snip, snip, place, group, re-place–step back, snip, snip ... and before you knew it, there was a GORGEOUS arrangement! I just LOVE enjoying the gifts of my artistic, creative friends.)

Anyway ... one of the things we discussed is how often people in legalistic/performance-oriented churches have an urge to get “re-saved” or “re-baptized” because the emphasis in their churches is on what THEY have to DO to “be a good Christian,” how THEY are not “good enough” so they’d better TRY HARDER, etc. etc.

And my friend mentioned how, when she was a little girl, she’d feel all “emotionally close” to the Lord after her (very legalistic) Sunday church service because she would’ve been confronted on all of her badness and told to straighten up–and she’d repent and repent and then REDOUBLE HER EFFORTS to be “good” ... but then she used to think to herself:

"I hope I die on a Monday or the Lord returns on a Monday because by Friday, I sure have been so rotten throughout the week and I have so much badness again, that I’m sure he wouldn’t want me any more."

Oh! Oh! Oh!

I have SUCH a hard time when I visit a legalistic, performance-oriented, “people are going to Hell because YOU’RE not a good enough Christian so YOU’D better get your act together!!” churches. I watch the hundreds (and sometimes THOUSANDS) of people around me listening intently, nodding away, taking lots of notes, and I just want to jump up out of my seat and scream:

"No! No! No!
This is NOT Christianity! This is NOT THE GOSPEL!!

If we could be good enough, we would have no need of Christ!
Our Hope is in the “good enoughness” of ANOTHER–the righteous Savior.

We deserve death!
But God gives us life.
NOT because we are good enough!
But because God is a merciful, forgiving God.

Turn away from the heresy that is being preached to you this morning! Run out of this building! Don’t listen to this! Don’t nod away and PLEASE stop taking notes on this!
Don’t put another yoke of slavery around your neck!
Don’t make a mockery of the death of Christ!"

I know I’m using a lot of exclamation points and probably sounding (a tad?) frantic ...

But I really do feel crushed by the weight and horror of it all–because it is going out in the name of the “the gospel” and “Christianity” and there is NO need of Christ. No acknowledgment of the Prophet, Priest, and King–Christ. (Well, other than to say, “Jesus says you need to DO these things, people!!!!”)

Now–of course–I’m not saying that we are not called to engage in faith’s fight against sin. (We are!)
And I’m not saying that we can live any way we want and sin with abandon and presume on God’s grace. (No way!)

But what I AM saying is that we do NOT do these things to EARN GOD’S LOVE or to EARN our salvation.
We strive after holiness out of GRATITUDE FOR God’s love and GRATITUDE for the GIFT of our salvation.

(That is ... we remember justification AND sanctification and we DON’T get them confused.)

Of course, seriously, it’s pre-dawn Saturday morning and I’m sitting here in the basement already tempted myself to forget the truth and believe the lie. (To forget that I AM forgiven because of faith in Christ and to believe the lie that I had BETTER get my act together.)

So, hello pot! Sending you this blog entry and lots of love from me, kettle!

Oh that we would all head into our weekends remembering that whether we die on a Monday or not; whether we die on a day when we woke up and read our Bibles and worshipped God rightly and prayed and were all disciplined with our jobs/studies/homemaking/whatever–OR whether we didn’t even roll out of bed until some lazy time and even then we only got up so that we could grab our coffee and a doughnut and roll BACK into bed with a book or tv or just mindless escapism ...

Whether we die while in the middle of corporate worship having just received communion (when–I don’t know about you–but I always “feel” so close to the Lord having prepared for worship and then having been led in personal and corporate repentance and THEN having received the TANGIBLE reminders of the SUFFICIENCY of Christ’s sacrifice on my behalf) OR whether we die in a car crash while we’re in the midst of “fight 37” with our spouse and our hearts are boiling over with selfishness, bitterness, and meanness ...

It doesn’t matter.

Because when we face judgment
(WHEN, not if)

ALL that will matter is this: In Whom have I placed my trust and hope for right standing with God/salvation and all of this life and eternity to come?

If it is in ME (my works, “I’m a pretty good person,” avoiding bad stuff and doing good stuff, “I’m not as bad as HER”) ... then I am damned. Period.

But if the cry of my heart TODAY (this morning! as Lilikoi sits at my feet!) and in that (what I have to assume will be terrifyingly awesome) day of eternal judgment, my cry is THIS:

"Christ! Christ! Christ!

HIS life. Eternal–before there was even TIME! His incarnation–perfection. Every jot and tittle of the law fulfilled.

HIS suffering and death–what I deserve!

HIS descent into Hell (that SHOULD be my eternity!) and HIS resurrection.

By God’s grace, by God’s work, by God’s saving me ... I MUST say with every fiber of my being: I have transferred all of my hope for life from myself TO CHRIST; to the FINISHED WORK OF CHRIST.

My ONLY comfort in life and in death is that I am NOT my own, but belong with all my body and soul to my Savior, Jesus Christ."

Ahhhhhhhhhh ... if THIS is the cry of my heart, then even in the “ups and downs” of the Christian life.

(And I have OH SO MANY downs. Too many, I am sure.)

During our times of growth in godliness and our times of unbelief and sin ...
We have the HOPE and ASSURANCE of our salvation.

" ... for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13

Yes, we “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling ...” (Philippians 2:12).

But we ALWAYS REMEMBER that “it is God who works” (Philippians 2:13).
He works in his CHILDREN to conform us to HIS SON.
(And nothing–NOTHING–not even our sin can thwart His purposes.)

Anything good we ever do or say, will never be enough to save us.
That’s why Christ had to come, live, die, and be raised again on our behalf!
Our righteousness is as filthy rags. Christ’s righteousness is enough.

Our growth in holiness in this life is an evidence of God’s gracious work in us.
But it is NOT the basis for our salvation.
We are saved solely by grace, by faith–in Christ.

Alleluia! Alleluia!
WHAT A SAVIOR!
What a Savior.

God bless you as you enjoy your Saturday, my friends!
How exciting–tomorrow is Sunday. “The best day of the week” Sophia always says.

Sending you my love,
Tara B.

Just after our Bible reading and prayer this morning, as we were cuddled up, snuggling away, Sophia started to sing her own little made-up worship chorus:

"Jesus, Jesus, He’s the Savior
Jesus, Jesus, He’s the Savior
Jesus, Jesus, He’s the Savior

God is great."

The thing is–she kept singing it over and over again with a consistent melody until she finally said, “Hey, Mom! Let’s go sing this at the piano! And I’ll play my violin.”

I thought, “Um, SURE! Sounds like fun!”

And the truth is, her little song had a definite melody and I could hear a simple, plaintive e-minor chord progression underneath it ... so as she broke out her violin and got it all set up, I tried to pluck out her little song on the piano.

(For those of you who don’t know this ... I actually can play the piano fairly well. WELL ... I can READ MUSIC–pretty much anything on sight–and play the piano well, but I CANNOT play anything by ear. Seriously. Nothing. Even when I was a piano major on a huge music scholarship in undergrad, I couldn’t play “Happy Birthday” by ear if you paid me to.)

SO ... trying to pluck out my three year-old’s little song wasn’t the easiest thing for me. But there it was. And there she was, singing away and playing away–just the rhythms–going back and forth from her E string to her A string. (She’s still at the “Pre-Twinkle” stage of Suzuki violin, so playing actual NOTES is very hard.)

Still ... her little “E's” and “A's” made a sweet tenor line to our impromptu corporate worship this morning.

Sophia Grace Barthel
Opus 1
August 3, 2007

I am a blessed Mama.

Hope your Friday is off to a great start, too!

Sending you love,
Tara B.

PS
Another one of her little “make up her own words and melodies” little songs this morning would’ve been SO fun to capture, but it was a one-timer and I couldn’t really figure out the melody. I thought the words might bless you, though, so here they are:

"Jesus was a little baby
laying in the hay
and glory, glory, GLORY
to God the Father."

PPS
It’s Friday afternoon and I just glanced at this blog entry and saw that–in my entry this morning–I spelled the word, “plaintive” (meaning: mournful, sad, nostalgic, lamenting, melancholic) with the word, “plaintiff” (the legal term for the applicant/claimant who petitions the court in a civil case). SO FUNNY, eh? I guess even though I rarely access those portions of my “Tara the Lawyer” brain any more (occasional arbitration hearings and helping friends with estate planning stuff), they are still in there. Just thought I’d give you a chuckle with my Friday-afternoon-edit-explanation. Love to all! – tkb

With thanks to Carol Ruvolo for bringing this to my attention, I urge you to take a few moments to read Pastor John Piper’s thoughts on the recent Minneapolis bridge collapse. In it, he retells the evening he spent with his family, and in particular his eleven year-old daughter, as they processed the terribly sad events of the day.

My sister actually just called me from Minneapolis. She drove there yesterday for business and, as you might imagine, has had quite a different day than their companies has originally planned.

Praying for the families affected!
And trusting in the everlasting goodness of God–

Yours,
Tara B.

Oh! We (Sophia & I) had our hard parenting/childrearing moments this morning.

As I was brushing her hair upstairs, Sophia gently said to me:

"Mommy, we both need to pray and ask God to forgive us, don’t we? I need to ask Him to forgive me for my disobedient and defiant heart. And you need to ask Him to forgive you for raising your voice. We’d better pray. God will help us."

And so we did.

And He did.

So now it’s the afternoon–and a couple of new creations get to have clean starts as we persevere in our daily tasks.

Strange, isn’t it? To parent a child–and also to trust in faith that this child is also my sister in Christ?

(Another marvelous evidence of eternal grace in our lives, I think.)

Hope you’re all doing well!

I had a rotten start to my day–my first conscious thought was remembering a terrible nightmare I was having where I was in a church-group of people-crowd setting and no matter how hard I tried, I kept relating terribly with people. (In the nightmare, I talked too much even though I was trying to be quiet; I came across as harsh even when I was trying hard to be gentle; I tried to be a good friend and love well–but even people who I thought were my friends were saying–in this nightmare, “Tara, you are just SO AWFUL! I don’t want to be around you.”)

Sometimes nightmares are just too close to real life, eh?
Anyway–as you might imagine, I woke up quite sad and stressed.
So of course my first temptation was to EAT!

(Oh! When will my first draw be to RUN TO CHRIST??!!?? Will I ever grow up?!
Yes. Yes. I know the Truth–and so I am not without hope. But UGH! What a crappy (trying not to say that ugly word any more) ... what an icky way to start the day.)

Right now I’m trying hard to do the next thing and be faithful with the time and tasks I have.
With hope. (Hope!) And Joy.

God bless!
And here’s to a night filled with happy, restful dreams!



Yours,
Tara B.

(I know. I know. I’m such a softie. I really am.)

But I really think you might enjoy this too! (And HT to Barbara Curtis at mommylife.net for posting the story and link too.)

"Herman Rosenblat survived the Holocaust thanks in part to a young girl who tossed him apples and bread from outside the concentration camp. Twelve years later, destiny brought them together again. . ."

Read the whole story here and enjoy the video too!

God bless,
Tara B.