considerable grace

Just a quick note to say THANK YOU to the wonderful women who were at my New Mexico retreat this weekend! I was so blessed to get to be with you all ... you made me laugh & cry & I learned a bunch too.

Thank you, especially, for the beautiful cards!! Your words were a true encouragement to me ... AND I just have to say: Where can I buy those “byDDeSimone05/07” cards?? (Apparently they were all made by hand by one of you amazing ladies??? Astounding!! I will never cease to be amazed by the creative and artistic gifts God gives His children.)

I’m going to get some dinner now and try to crash for at least a few hours before my 4:30AM cab tomorrow. (Eek! But at least I’ll get home before midnight, Lord willing.)

Again–THANK YOU! It truly was my joy to serve you all.

With love,
Tara B.

PS
In one of the cards, one of you asked me to email you regarding a question you have ... and just to restate as I explained during the event, I know it is not an ideal situation ... but it just REALLY hard for me to email/dialogue with all of the people who contact me. There is just so much time in the day! Therefore, I would truly encourage you to seek counsel from your local church and/or post your comment to our PeaceGals Discussion Board. And if you really feel compelled to email me personally, please just know that I might not be able to respond in a timely fashion. I appreciate your kind words! I am just limited as to what I can get to schedule-wise. I hope you understand! Blessings and joy–tkb

I thought that some of you might be interested in seeing the outline that Pastor Jason and I prepared for our workshop last week on Mediating the Miserable Christian Marriage.

I think I’ll have the CD of our talk available one of these days, but in the interim, here you are!

God bless!
And may we all grow to reflect more and more of the gospel of grace in all of our relationships–

Yours,
Tara B.

Mediating the Miserable Christian Marriage
by Pastor Jason Barrie (www.RMCCMontana.org) and
Tara Klena Barthel (www.tarabarthel.com)

A CYCLE OF DESPAIR

- From the initial contact on, we listen carefully for the details of the “cycle of despair” in which this couple is caught (Galatians 6:1). The miserably married Christian couple is in a “rut” of deeply engrained bitterness, gracelessness, and uncharitable presumption. “The Great Wall of China” exists between this couple. It was built one brick—one offense—at a time and it is immense.

- We are called to first preach the gospel to each other (as co-conciliators) and then call the parties to remember the gospel. We get to model the very things we are calling them to (Colossians 3).

- Christian conciliation is merely one step of the process of bringing this dead marriage to life again. Lasting change happens within the ongoing fellowship and accountability of the local church.

ISSUES AND IDOLS

- Pay particular attention during storytelling to how each spouse describes the same situation (and responds to the other person’s interpretation). Note how each person describes the “real problem” in the marriage. (“If only …” “Satan.” “A generational bondage of anger …” “I’m being emotionally abused.”) As mediators, we help them to understand what the Bible says the problem is (the heart) and what the biblical solutions are (repentance and faith).

-For both of them—but especially for the wives—listen for the issue of shame. (From Peacemaking Women: “Shame is often experienced as a vague but overwhelming sense that no matter how hard we try, we will never be good enough … we feel as though no matter how much we may desire relationships with others, no one will ever really want us.”)

- Especially for the husbands, listen for struggles with how to be a Christian leader. Often by the time the case comes to us, one of the main complaints of the wife is that the husband does “not want to lead.” But listen to the husband, draw him out: how has she responded when he has tried? Then listen for how this refers back to the wife’s shame.

- A huge issue for the miserably married Christian couple will be exhaustion—even to the point of indifference. This couple is weary and tired of trying. They don’t like each other. They are happier apart from each other. Why would anyone call them to stay together and persevere in this marriage? We help them to remember Who God is and all of the present means of grace in Christ. We point them to an eternal perspective—that their marriage exists to testify to the veracity of the gospel and show the world Jesus (John 17, Ephesians 5).

- There must always be a balance between listening and teaching during story-telling. In order to move the process along, we must call the parties to Christ, teach them basic biblical doctrines (God, Man, sin, justification, sanctification), and make sure they understand foundational peacemaking principles (functional idolatry, how to confess, and what it means to forgive).

SCRIPTURES AND STRATEGIES TO ENCOURAGE,
CONFRONT, REBUKE, AND COMFORT

- The fundamental issue is, “What is causing this conflict?” The temptation is to point the finger outside of ourselves. This is why thirty years of “marriage counseling” and seminars don’t help—but a two-day mediation sometimes does. We teach them about functional idolatry (James 4) and help them to lay hold of Christ as they repent of their idols and apply the gospel to their hearts.

- Help them to understand the difference between justification and sanctification (Philippians 2:12-13, “…for it is God …”). Patterns do not change overnight, but in one step and then the next step. Sin is no longer our master (1 Corinthians 10:13). Explain The Cross Chart. Remind them of the difference between conviction and condemnation. Use The Triangle.

- Help them to create safety in their relationship. Obviously, we can’t address 30 years of hurts—but go “deep” into one or two and then practice “gracing one another” (ministering Christ to one another) in each situation (avoid “zingers,” be specific, focus on own heart, gospel/law distinction). Not for love and acceptance—but from the place of love and acceptance (2 Peter 1:2-11).

- Be ready with specific brief summaries of the gospel (Ephesians 1, Titus 3) and guide them in their confessions (specificity) and as they grant forgiveness. (“Anything else?” “Let’s talk about that some more.” “That’s wonderful. Great progress. But let’s go a little deeper. Tell me about …” “Say more …”)

IN CONCLUSION

- A few miscellaneous things to mention: 1) Benefits of a co-conciliation team; 2) Importance of note-taking; 3) Ideas for homework; 4) Abuse situations; 5)S*x.

- Jason is always calling the husbands to be the “Chief Confessors.” Help them to see that we mediators struggle in the same ways in our married lives.

- The goal is not a happy marriage. The goal is God’s glory. (But the wonderful gift of grace is that God’s glory and our happiness intersect!) We do not want to merely help them to feed each other’s idols.

Totally worth one minute of your time to scoot on over to BrittleCrazyGlass and read this post by Molly:

Courage and Grace

Well said, dear sister!
Preach it, Molly!

Quick post from the Salt Lake City WorldClub ... I’m hoping that typing this out will release some of the adrenaline that is COURSING through my body!!

Because I just spent pretty much an entire one hour flight sitting next to a FURIOUS woman!!!

Yes, yes ... it really was MY fault because:

I spilled a little WATER on her!

Aaaaaaaaaauuuuuurrrrrrrrrrgggggggggh!

Ten years of flying frequently enough to have premier status on one airline or another (and sometimes more than one even at the same time) and I have NEVER done this before!!!

(I’ve had LOTS of spills on ME, of course. Cold, hot, STICKY–yup. You bet. But I’ve never spilled on someone else.)

It was TOTALLY my fault! And I felt SO BAD about it! I said repeatedly, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I feel terrible. I wish that hadn’t happened. I’m so sorry.”

But polished, “together” businesswoman only grew angrier as the flight went on.
(And this was a LITTLE water–not like an entire glass or bottle or something.)

It was a stressful hour–I could FEEL her anger (especially when she spoke to me!) ... but there was just absolutely NOTHING I could do about what had happened other than apologize.

Aurgh. Life in a fallen world, eh?
I’m just hoping she’s not going to New Mexico in a couple of hours!
If I see her in 8D (I have 8C) again, I’ll just FREAK.
(Well, maybe only a little.)

OK–back to work.
Here’s a little game I play when I’m on the road ...

How much work can I get done in airports and on flights so that I DON’T have to do those tasks when I am HOME?

Love ya! and God bless,
Tara B.

PS
And yes, I know my own teaching on “idols of the heart” and “the three trees.” And yes, I know that the “real problem” was her angry heart and how I DIDN’T cause that no matter how much it feels like I did. But still ... if I hadn’t spilled that water she wouldn’t have had any “heat” on her to bring out the bad fruit. Argh! I wish it hadn’t happened. Must be more careful, Tara. Let’s not have this happen again for another ten years!"

Fred took the afternoon off yesterday and we went on a family “adventure” (to quote Soph).

(Basically, we just had a picnic lunch at Riverfront Park and then enjoyed lots of playtime feeding ducks, walking & singing in the woods, skipping rocks in the Yellowstone River, and stopping for ice cream on the way home.)

But our super-fun BIG NEWS is that we were on TELEVISION!

A cameraman for the local news station saw us and asked if we would like to shout:

"Hey Ed! How’s the weather?!!"

for the local 6:00PM news. (They use the 5 second clip as a lead-in to the forecast.)

It was SO FUN! Lili didn’t even freak out–she almost behaved like a functional/good dog ... and we were actually on television. Hysterical.

I’ll put some pics below–but mostly I just felt like telling someone that we were on TV!

Off to New Mexico at 6:30AM–

Love to all,
Tara B.

I don’t think I’ve linked to this article in awhile ... but having just recommended it to some people in conflict, I thought I’d bring it to your attention as well:

Polemic Theology: What Do I Owe the Person Who Differs From Me? (by Roger Nicole)

It is an excellent article–worthy of re-reading and keeping on file too.

Hope you’re all enjoying a lovely Thursday! I just sorted out Sophie’s barrette & hair poof & rubberband drawer, so OF COURSE, I’m in a happy place.

!!

Love to all,
Tara B.

Still on some fairly strong back meds, I knew I couldn’t drive Sophie to her violin lesson this morning ...
BUT, I was feeling good enough to WALK (hooray!) and so we did.

'Course, leave it to Sophia to make even a walk to violin lessons FUN! She asked to wear her cowgirl hat (and sang “Hats on! Boots on! Hee-Haw! Sing a little song called turkey in the straw!” the whole way there) ...



And then collected “BEAUTIFUL!” leaves the whole way back ...



And now we’re in the backyard, enjoying a crisp fall day with our Golden, Lili ...



WOW! But this is just SO MUCH MORE FUN than being stuck in bed all day.

Thank You, God!

Lovies from the Barthel girls,
Tara & Sophie & Lilikoi

PS
If you have a moment, would you please say a prayer for my stepdad, Charlie, and my mom too? Charlie is RIGHT NOW (noon Mountain time on 9/26) in surgery having a cancerous kidney removed. Thank you! – tkb

Having spent pretty much ALL DAY in bed yesterday (BLECH!) ...
And feeling incredibly DOPEY/slow/confused because of the back meds ...

Ol' Momma Tara was NOT in a very good place emotionally/spiritually/physically as I tried to get cleaned up to head out the door to small group last night.

It was truly the first time I had been upright for any appreciable length of time in like two days! (I had even let EMAILS pile up in my INBOX–and if you know me at all, you know that means something was VERY VERY wrong. )

So of course, Sophie chose the “last five minutes as we HAVE TO get out the door or we’re going to be late” time to defy a clear command I had given her to put her coloring things away in her coloring basket.

And I made the foolish decision to NOT deal with her defiance lovingly and gently right there and then in that exact moment. But instead, I told her again to put the crayons away. She was grouchy and SLOW in her response ... and again I blew it because I gave her the command a third time.

So what, OF COURSE, happened? I raised my voice and was harsh with her. And she was miserably defiant in her response. We were both sinning and it was AWFUL!

(As an aside–don’t some of the whopper conflicts in our lives happen RIGHT as we are heading out the door to CHURCH or to a small group study on PEACEMAKING?!? Ironic, eh?)

But there is good news! (Because there is Good News.)

Sophie and I confessed our sins to each other and we were fully, completely reconciled. Thank God.

But then in the car as we were driving to the study, Sophie poured grace upon grace on my head as she said to me:

"You know, Momma, even when you raised your voice to me, I never stopped loving you."

And I could say in response: “Just as, when you were horribly disobedient and defiant, I never stopped loving YOU, darling cuddle-bug lovie bear.”

Grace from a three year old!
Every day. Every day.

Hope you are resting in the gospel as you go throughout your day! Remember: God loves His children because we are His. He has justified, forgiven, and adopted us. And He will NEVER stop loving us–because His love is NOT based on our performance, but on HIS COVENANT. On Himself. And though WE are NOT trustworthy (we fail! we fail!) ... GOD IS TRUSTWORTHY. He will never go back on His Word. He will never stop loving His children.

O, thank You, God!
This is INDESCRIBABLE GRACE.
And we are desperate for You.

Amen & Amen!

And love to all,
Tara B.

One of the most amazing testimonies I heard last weekend at the Peacemaker Conference was from a young woman who had been estranged from her parents for over nine years.

She had read an online article on “idols of the heart”, was blessed by it, and forwarded it on to her father. He, in turn, looked up the author and ended up at the Peacemaker Ministries website. After learning about Christian conciliation, they then hired a mediator to help them with their conflicts.

(This is one of my favorite parts of the story!) ... The mediator was BRAND NEW to the ministry of Christian conciliation. He was a pastor and a missionary, but he had JUST enrolled in the Peacemaker Ministries Certification Program for conciliators. (This is the program that I used to oversee. Candidates who complete the program earn the designation Certified Christian Conciliator with the Institute for Christian Conciliation, a division of Peacemaker Ministries. I can tell you that it’s a LOT harder for me to maintain my certification with Peacemaker Ministries than it is for me to maintain my license to practice LAW!)

ANYWAY ... this was the mediators FIRST CASE EVER ... sitting at the parents' kitchen table; together for the first time in YEARS. The daughter told me last weekend that this newbie conciliator; just trying his best; not a lot of experience behind him; just trying to live out the gospel and help these dear fellow, ESTRANGED, Christians ... she told me:

"It was like having Jesus sitting at the table, helping us. He was the face of Christ to us–loving us, confronting us, encouraging us, reminding us of the gospel, pointing us to God. It was amazing."

Isn’t that encouraging?!

We don’t have to be experts! 1 Corinthians 6:4 reminds us:

"Therefore, if you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church!"

Did the mediator do a PERFECT job? Of course not.
Were nine years of hurt “healed” in just a few hours? No. There have been many follow-up meetings/mediations too.
Are all of the relationships completely restored? Not yet–but trust is growing. Love is deepening. There is hope!

And I say in response: Jesus is alive!
Amen & Amen!

(Oh–and if you are the young woman and you are reading this–would you PLEASE email me or Peacemaker Ministries if you are willing to share your testimony more broadly? When I told Fred about how God was moving in your family he was very encouraged and he’d like to ask for your permission to share your testimony in the Peacemaker Magazine or in an enews publication.)

OK, friends! Off into our days!

Love ya,
t

PS
This post reminds me of Sophie’s favorite hymn to sing these days:

To God be the glory–great things He hath done!
So loved He the world that He gave us His Son
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin!
And opened the lifegate that all may go in

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Let the earth hear His voice.

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Let the people rejoice.

O, come to the Father through Jesus the Son!
And give Him the glory great things He hath done.

THANK YOU so very much for all of your sweet, encouraging (and concerned!) emails and comments re: the “I don’t love my child” feedback comment. You guys are truly evidences of God’s grace to me!

And all day long today I’ve WANTED to post to let you know that truly, really, I am A-OK about it all. (I may struggle with other things, but I really don’t have any concerns at all in my heart that I absolutely delight in and adore my daughter ... AND that she is a happy, secure, delightful little muffin-tater.)

BUT ... I’ve been IMMOBILE IN BED pretty much all day long because my BACK is totally, 100%, painfully OUT!

Seriously–this is the first time in HOURS that I could sit upright for more than a few seconds and I’m sure it’s only because I just took more (BLECH!) muscle relaxants and pain killers and I JUST put heat on the spasming muscles.

SO ... with the minutes I have before I have to lie flat again (I anticipate being able to stretch and move again in hopefully 24-48 hours ... it’s been a long time since my back has gone out like this, but when it goes out, it goes OUT for two days and then it slowly un-spasms and I get better again) ... I wanted to let you know:

1. SO SORRY, Martha, that you had to face rejection today! I prayed for you and I hope that you can continue (by faith!) to love and do good, even when it hurts.

2. Hi Deb! And yes, I do think that Peacemakers will be selling the CDs–so you can keep an eye on their website–and I might even get to duplicate and sell them too. And I know you keep an eye on this site, so you’ll know if/when it’s available.

3. Thanks again Wilm! And WHEN can we schedule that “women’s retreat / SCUBA trip” to New Zealand?!? Ummmmmmmm ... I’m counting down the days. !!

4. Sweet Nicole! Please oh please don’t give all of this another THOUGHT. Of course I trust that you and your husband are striving to make the most wise, loving, God-glorifying decisions concerning ALL areas of your lives. And it was just super-fun to get to see you again! Plus ... please don’t wonder too much why Christians do what we do. At different times, we can all presume uncharitably or judge one another or be SO passionate about certain topics that we don’t communicate as loving and graciously as we would hope ... who knows? Maybe the person was in a hurry and WOULD HAVE written something like, “Sister Tara, thanks for working so hard to prepare for this workshop. It was obvious that you tried you best to serve us well. I think we have different convictions about some parenting decisions, but I trust that the Lord is at work in you just He is at work in me ... and what matters most is that God is good and greatly to be praised! Of course, I know that you love your daughter and only want to love God and love her well–and that it couldn’t possibly be true that you don’t love your daughter. I’ll pray for you and I hope that God will bless you in all of your endeavors!”

(Just trying to think the best here. )

5. THANKS for the email hugs, Becky & BrandiS!

And yes, BrandiS–I was thinking the EXACT SAME THING about “what WAS it that might have lead to those comments”? Just brainstorming ... but I was thinking that perhaps because I focused ONLY on conflict resolution/peacemaking (the workshop was entitled, “Peacemaking for Preschoolers”), and I did NOT focus on parenting in general ... SO I talked about things like obedience/blessings/painful consequences, respectful appeals, practicing with hypotheticals, setting expectations, etc. etc. ... maybe the person got the feeling that ALL we ever do it discipline (which of course it NOT true).

I didn’t talk about cuddles, giggles, singing, jumping in leaves, snuggling, reading, singing, dancing, etc. etc. because I had only 60 minutes and I just talked about peacemaking/conflict stuff.

PLUS–I do know that a number of Christians feel very, VERY strongly that any kind of corporal punishment (i.e., spanking) is ALWAYS wrong. Even “sin” they would say–even “evil.” SO ... I was trying to NOT “go there” during the workshop (because I didn’t want to shut down the learning on other points if it was a “sticking point” for someone) ... but THEN, I was asked a DIRECT QUESTION during the workshop and since I didn’t want to LIE, I said something to the effect of, “I know that Christians disagree on this topic; and that people can feel VERY strongly about it; and of course it is a wisdom issue (etc. etc.), but, yes, in our home, we spank. We have lots of other options for painful consequences, of course, but we do spank.” And THAT might’ve just put this person over the edge if I was already sounding like a harsh taskmaster (a LOT of people think the idea of “first time obedience” is just WRONG/mean/harsh/unloving whereas Fred and I truly believe that training Sophie to obey is one of the MOST loving things we can do as parents for her) ...

So anyway ... honestly, everyone! I’m OK. I’m sorry that the commenters felt they could presume to know my heart and then presume so uncharitably that I do not love my child. BUT ... beyond that, I’m really OK. Well, except for being in extreme (Fred keeps asking if I need to go to the E.R.) pain and dopey/confused because of these stupid (but I’m grateful for them!) drugs.

Hope this blog entry has even a modicum of order to it!

Thanks again, everyone–

Much love,
Tara B.

PS
BrandiS ... for books, I recommend “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Tripp; “The Young Peacemaker” by Sande; and “Don’t Make Me Count to Three” by Plowman.

People keep asking, “Where is Sophia Grace while you and Fred serve at the Peacemaker Conference”?

Well ... she’s having a BLAST at our dear, dear friends' home! (I even got the girls matching dresses to wear to church today! )

Thought you might enjoy the pics–so here you are.

Love to all!
– Tara B.

We were all tremendously blessed by Randy Alcorn’s plenary Friday evening at The Peacemaker Conference.

He spoke on many passages of Scripture and humbly, gently reminded us all of our calling to live in “complete unity” (John 17) and “love each other” (John 13) as brothers and sisters in Christ.

He then went on to share a specific case study of a time when a Christian man publicly (via a blog and email campaign) promoted lies and half-truths about two other Christian men. The tongue truly is a restless evil–and the damage caused by these acts of slander was profound.

What was amazing to me, however, was how Mr. Alcorn shared about the entire sad situation:

- He learned of this blog and email “campaign” and, in response, neither wrote it off entirely NOR believed it entirely

- Instead, he sought out the author to try to accurately understand what he was thinking and saying; and to make sure that the author (a pastor) was not being misrepresented; AND to see if he had even INVESTIGATED or TALKED TO the two men he was accusing so voraciously. (He had not.)

- Then, Mr. Alcorn contacted the two other Christian men (who were being accused on the blog and in the email) and asked if they were aware of what was going on. (They were–in particular because their businesses were beginning to receive threats, letters, boycotts, etc.) And he asked these men if they would be willing to speak with the pastor who had instigated it all. And they were.

- SO ... the men gathered to talk and listen and pray and seek to understand one another. It was a hard conversation! It was a series of hard conversations. But at the end, the pastor/blogger/email-sender-outer realized that he had been wrong (to not find out the facts in advance; to not approach his brothers one on one before escalating it to a public “campaign”; to presume the worse without knowing what was really going on, etc.) and he confessed and asked their forgiveness.

- Do you know what he was told in response? "We forgave you even before you asked for it, brother."

Now THAT is peacemaking!

Amen?
Amen!

So many things I take away from this teaching:

1. Check the facts. Don’t believe everything you hear or read. Don’t be so gullible. And PLEASE stop forwarding those emails!!

2. Don’t be quick to condemn. Christians can be so incredibly MEAN! But Oh! In light of the kindness we receive from God every single day–we should overflow with kindness, mercy, compassion, patience, GRACE.

3. Randy Alcorn said: “A world riddled with falsehood and gossip and slander and meanness will never be won to Christ by churches riddled with falsehood and gossip and slander and meanness.”

I’m running to the airport now–hooray! We’re heading home to Sophia Grace!! I miss her so so so so SO much!!

But I’ll close with this ...

My time at this Peacemaker Conference has truly been a delight.

I LOVED teaching with Pastor Jason our "Mediating the Miserable Christian Marriage Workshop"! What an HONOR to get to serve along side of such a man.

And I have been incredibly encouraged by the comments I’ve received after my "Biblical Hope for Women with Powerful Personalities Workshop". (The most common one I heard was, “I thought I was the only one who struggled like this!!” And the next most common one was, “Wow! I think these ideas are really going to help me to love the people around me better AND enjoy who God has made me to be ... to be myself ... WITH GRACE.”

Hooray! Hooray!

I could tell you story after story of God ministering to broken marriages; discouraged pastors; adult child-parent relationships.

BUT ... (scary music here) ...
I have also received some of the most graceless, gospel-less, and I think HARSHLY INACCURATE criticism I have ever received at ANY event. Ever. (And that’s saying something because, well, I’ve received a LOT of criticism over the years.)

Wanna hear what it was?

Although the majority of the feedback as positive (thank You, God!), two people in my “Peacemaking for Preschoolers” workshop ... having spent all of 60 minutes with me while I tried my best (very imperfectly I’m sure! But I did try!) ... having never observed Sophia and me together in any context felt that they had the right? duty? imperative? to give this feedback in LARGE LETTERS on their feedback form:

YOU DON’T LOVE YOUR CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I ask you ... are there a LOT of sins I struggle with? You bet.

Is the list LONG LONG LONG as to what I can be accused of EVERY SINGLE DAY and it will really be ACCURATE????

Yup.

But this was the first time anyone has EVER (implied, inferred, more or less stated in all caps underline bold) that I do not love Sophia Grace Barthel.

Initially, I was shocked. Then mad. Then hurt.
Now? I think I’m actually most sad for whoever wrote those comments.
And I’m praying for them.

And here’s an invitation to the person who wrote those words–just in case you ever visit this blog–since otherwise, I’ll never know who you were based on your anonymous feedback ...

Although I do not believe a public forum would be the appropriate place for a conversation, if you would ever like to expound on your statement that I don’t love my child; to help me to understand better your thoughts, concerns, judgment ... please email me privately and maybe we can set up a call with Fred and me and whoever else you’d like to participate. Because I know that all criticism–even harsh criticism–may have an element of truth in it. And of course I want to grow in grace to be the best mom I can be.

So I won’t get into any kind of “blog comment dialogue” with you ... but if you would like to share your thoughts more fully and help our family to grow in faith and godliness, please do let me know.

OK. Now I really must stop blogging and run out the door!

Next blog from Montana, maybe? (If we make all of our flights.)

Love love love!
– Tara B.

Oh! I just can’t do justice to Dr. Nakah’s sweet, painful retelling of the FURY that he and his (then-fiance, now-wife) experienced when they sought her parents' blessing on their engagement.

His wife was from a ROYAL TRIBE and he was, most decidedly, NOT.
In Africa, this was simply unacceptable. ("You don’t contaminate royal blood!!!!!")

Her mother looked her in the eyes and said, “If this marriage happens, it will be over my DEAD BODY. If you go ahead with this, you are as GOOD AS DEAD TO ME.”

And then it took an entire YEAR of Dr. Nakah and his fiance persevering in negotiations with her parents, often receiving horrible abuse and destructive words, before the mother would even LOOK at her daughter.

(As an aside, Dr. Nakah then said, “I guess Adam was the luckiest man on earth.” And we all laughed and laughed.)

But praise be to God! After they were married–with the blessing of BOTH of our parents–now his in-laws are members of their church and he is the son they never had and their beloved pastor.

Dr. Nakah asked us: HOW DOES GOD DO IT? Once the battle lines of hatred have been drawn; war has been declared and expressed; daggers have been thrown at you; sharp piercing words have been said ... how does God do it? How do we begin to even THINK about living together? More or less loving and forgiving and being reconciled?

In Dr. Nakah’s words:

- I thought God would come alongside me and encourage me to get my wife because He had brought her to me. I thought we could walk away! “This crazy family” as I called it. But God said, “Listen to me Mr. I love God! You cannot honestly love me (1 John 4:8 ) and not love these two people who brought your wife into this world.” God is love and the one who abides in love; the one who loves in love—abides in God. And God abides in him. The categorical and clear message of Scripture is that if you don’t love, you don’t know God. If you abide in love, you abide in God and God abides in you.

My situation, pain, bitterness, frustration, anger … the commandment to love overwhelmed me. Loving demanded that I tear the skin off of my body and wrap it around her; felt as though I were dead; all the longing I had for health, success, happiness, I felt now FOR HER. I wanted those things FOR HER.

Absolutely astounding. Different way of loving; making friends; spreading the gospel.

- This means something POWERFUL has to happen first!! Earth shaking. Reconstructing. Something overwhelming has to happen in our lives in order for us to love like this! Well beyond what self-preserving, self-advancing human beings like you and me. GOD has to do something extraordinary in our lives so that we can love the unlovable, unlikable … those who are unlike us.

But what’s wrong with me preferring to spend time with that group and not the other? He says, “I just don’t like you.” Do we really have that option? God has to do something in our lives … but is there anything in this world more supernatural than being raised from death to life? Christ in us, the hope of glory? Us abiding in God; God abiding in us? Being called the children of God. The same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead is the power that works powerfully in us.

God has done that extraordinary thing in order for us to love.

- I really wanted my inlaws to know I was a believer. I told them that over and over again. I told them. I really wanted them to know. And I wanted them to know that their daughter would be safe. I am a man of God. I love God. How would I do that? How would I prove that my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ was REAL? By doing the works of LOVE.

We know that we have passed out of death into life. (How do we know?!?) because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death. Where love is absent, faith is dead and we are dead.

Mother/father in law will know I am real? LOVE ONE FOR ANOTHER. Love for each other in the church is the badge of Christianity.

Anyone who doesn’t love me; discriminates against me; mocks me because of my language/tribe; doesn’t want me to marry their daughter … persecute me, oppose me, say horrible things about me … they have become my enemy. Jesus says LOVE THEM.

What does this mean?
Love your enemy: gracious, redemptive, LOVE.

- God is calling us to new depths of love for each other. In order to make peacemaking a reality, something else must happen first. That we, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints … and to know the love that surpasses all …

I got LOST in this love!
My wife said, “Don’t you think you are overdoing it?”
I wanted to love them. Serve them. Be their pastor.

I couldn’t believe it, one day after church, I had just finished preaching, someone who had visited our church for the first time was talking to my father in law and asked who is that? My father in law said, “He is my son.”

May God grant that we being rooted and grounded in love …
And to know the love of Christ which surpasses all!

Amen & Amen!!

And much love to you all from North Carolina –

Hoping to write again later tonight!

Yours,
Tara B.

OK ... I’m trying to give myself a little grace even though I’ve been quite a FAILURE at blogging “live” from the Peacemaker Conference ...

But I have learned a thing or two:

1. It’s hard to blog a conference when you’re SPEAKING during every single workshop slot; and

2. It’s really hard to blog when you’re ASLEEP.

!!

That said ... I did want you all to know that I am here and (although I have received three extremely harsh criticisms amidst a SEA of gospel-infused love, encouragement, and care ... more on that later, but MAN! Isn’t graceless (and inaccurate!) criticism HARD TO RECEIVE GRACE and VERY HARD to not fixate on?!?) ...

All is well!

The bulk of my teaching time is over (I have only one more workshop to do on Saturday)–so I’m hoping to POSSIBLY catch you up with lots of details before too long.

But let me tease you with just a few insights from Ken Sande’s wonderful opening plenary session Thursday night. With his typical humor, insight, and Christ-centered love, Ken reminded us:

- There is something remarkably different about the unity we have as Christians (the unity the Jesus talked about in John 17:20-23) because our unity it built around a PERSON, not a cause.

- That as Believers, we join together from every political party, class, ethnicity, race ... men and women, little children ... we all join together in a way that no other man in the world could unite us because we join together to WORSHIP CHRIST. This makes our unity unique when compared to people joining around a cause or political party or for any other reason.

- Unity can be defined as being “one in spirit and purpose by loving Jesus Christ and making Him known to others ... while at the same time delighting in God-given diversity because we’re all moving in the same direction toward the same goal: to love Jesus Christ and make Him known.”

Ken then went on to remind us of five basic commitments to demonstrate unity (Ephesians 4:1-16):

1. A commitment to love Jesus Christ above all things and to sacrifice all of our mini-agendas for His sake (Eph. 4:1, 6). Love is the driving force; the gospel is the driving power-—the motivation and the model for peacemaking.

2. A commitment to develop Christ-like character, especially humility and submission. Eph 4:2-3, Phil 2:3-4. (No church on the verge of a split is known by humility and submission.)

3. A commitment to sound doctrine, which never sacrifices the truth, but always prioritizes it in a spirit of grace (Eph 4:4-6, 15; John 1:14). We have a tendency to move toward one side or the other (truth/harsh/inflexible; grace/truth doesn’t matter/let’s just get along). But we need both.

4. A commitment to respect and pursue God-given diversity and accept one another just as Christ accepted us (Eph 4:11-12, Rom. 12:3-8, 15:7).

5. A commitment to strive earnestly and prayerfully to pursue genuine peace and reconciliation, despite personal differences. Eph 4:3, 1 Cor. 10:10.

Ken reminded us that loving Jesus and making Him known is what is most important! And that love for Jesus unites us across denominational lines, gender lines, racial lines.

Unity is the irresistible witness of the church.

One closing example and then I must run ...

Ken read a letter from a man in prison in Uganda who was three weeks away from being released. The man had just completed a peacemaking course in that prison and was hoping and planning to go to seminary upon his release. In his letter, he explained that he had recently had a conflict with his friend. These are his words ...

"Instead of fighting, I went and asked him to forgive me. Again and again and again. Then I went to him with my elders. And finally—now we are reconciled. These are the ingredients and fruits of this course. When I was arrested, I was frustrated and asked why me; why my family? I had planned to teach my accuser a lesson … to set his house ablaze and sit with a gun so no one could run out and survive–not even a rat. I praise God for this sentence so I could take this course. God has cleansed my heart with His blood shed on the Cross 2000 years ago. By His grace, I have forgiven my accuser; I no longer hold my accuser in my prison. He will be amazed when he sees me kneeling before him next month when I am free—I will ask HIS forgiveness."

"I no longer hold my accuser in MY prison."

Oh! I was convicted by those words!
Who am I holding in “MY” prison??

Dear God–may I look at the 10,000 X 10,000 prison doors behind me–where YOU have released me from the prison I deserve for my debts OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN ...

And in response, may I NEVER hold anyone in prison again by unforgiveness, bitterness, gracelessness.

God’s blessings to you all from the Peacemaker Conference! I’ll try to write more as soon as I can.

Love love love,
Tara B.

At our friend/prayer group this morning, I made the off-hand comment that I was FASCINATED by my friend’s super-cool-very-rectangular PURSE and, if she was ever comfortable sharing, I would LOVE to know what was in it.

She immediately started to unpack it and show us what was in every pocket & zippered area & velcro’d section. It was SO fun!

So of course, the next woman did the same. And then the third. And then I pulled out my “fly 100,000 miles a year” carry-on (with my “MacGyver Just In Case” tiny little “everything I might possibly need on the road” pouch from some Clinique bonus) and my “I’m at home in domestic diva Momma Tara mode” purse.

Seriously? It was a BLAST!

I’ve never asked a girlfriend to show me her purse before–and I’ve certainly never sat with three friends as we all shared how we organize our lives and what our “must haves” are in our purses. Fun fun fun!

Did we pray much this morning? Nope!
But I’m still smiling and it’s been like ten hours.

!!

God bless, all!

Love,
Tara B.

Our church is going through The Peacemaking Church Small Group Study (based on the Bible–and Ken Sande’s book The Peacemaker) and wow! Is it great!

If it’s been awhile since you’ve read The Peacemaker–or if you never have done so–I hope you’ll consider not only reading the book but doing so in the context of a small group Bible study. There is just nothing like the accountability, love, and safety of a small group to “force” us to get these biblical principles out of the realm of the HYPOTHETICAL ("confessional theology") and into the realm of the REAL LIFE HOW WE ACTUALLY LIVE ("practical theology").

Let me give you just one example from last night ...

We were discussing how hard it is to obey God’s Word and follow His peacemaking principles with UNBELIEVERS–especially AT OUR WORKPLACES and ESPECIALLY when it comes to GOSSIP. (I.e., it’s so easy to jump in and gossip too! Or even if we don’t explicitly gossip–to raise an eyebrow or nod. Or even if we don’t do THAT–to still participate in the conversation, and thus, give tacit approval to the gossip or slander.)

In response to this discussion, two women in our small group tag-teamed on each other to give this advice on one way we might respond when someone is gossiping around us:

Gently ... carefully ... say something to the effect of, “Are you telling me this because you’d like my help to resolve this? Otherwise, I don’t think I should be hearing this.”

I think they are spot-on in this advice. Do you agree?

Fred left this morning at 4:45AM for The Peacemaker Conference (in North Carolina) and (after dropping off a dog for a four-day doggy playdate and a girl and her fish for a four-day sleepover tonight) AND after (LORD WILLING!!) getting my speaker notes ready for FOUR WORKSHOPS that I’m teaching (please do pray for me today!), I leave in the morning too.

Hope to be blogging from the conference ...

Love to all!
– Tara B.

We woke up to RAIN this morning! Actual, real-life RAIN!

Now ... my friends back in Illinois will say, “Hmmmm? Why is that exciting?”

But those of us in the oft-on-fire-because-everything-is-do-DRY-West will know that waking up to the pit-pat-pit-pat of rain (and that WONDERFUL new rain smell!) is RARE. And if you love it like I do ... WONDERFUL.

(Lilikoi ("Lilly") and I are actually sitting out on our back porch in the 6:30AM just getting light-ness as I type this. Our little lounge chair back here is the only piece of furniture she’s allowed up on, so she’s lying there like a little princess as I type. So sweet.)

'Course you might know already by the title of this blog that I’m going to draw an obvious analogy because I can’t get the worship song, “Grace Like Rain” out of my head. Do you know this song? Todd Agnew wrote a new melody to “Amazing Grace” and then interposed a chorus that goes like this:

"Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away."

I love it when we sing this in our church especially because my little Sophia always raises her hands on the ALLELUIA part and sings it out STRONG. (Yeah-rah! ALLELUIA!)

And I am so grateful that, right now, this morning–the craziest, busiest day I’ve had in a LONG time ... and that’s really saying something AND I really mean it–I have a sweet sense of the grace of God pouring down. As D. Martyn Lloyd describes it, “that fundamental joy and certainty in spite of conditions, in spite of adversity.”

Mostly, I am grateful that my spirit is (even a little?) at REST as I run and run and push and push to get everything done during this season of constant travel (Florida, California, North Carolina, New Mexico, east coast again–EEK! Oh, I must admit that I am looking forward to coming up for air on October 16. Someone email me and let me know that I MADE IT–if I do, OK? ).

I am grateful that, at what is usually a season of GRIEF for me (for a number of complicated reasons), I am instead experiencing HOPE. This is grace! True grace. Even Fred is wondering at it because he’s usually moving into “take extra special care of Tara during this hard time”-mode during this time of the year, but instead, he’s seeing a not-falling-apart-wifey. This is wonderful! (And I’ll let you know–or it will be obvious from my entries–if it lasts the whole week.)

My spirit is rejoicing at the spiritual nourishment I am receiving from reading and meditating on Romans. Seriously–I’m experiencing one of those “Oh my STARS! Wow! Does it really say that?!” moments that I’m sure we all have from time to time as we read things in Scripture that we’ve read a hundred times, but, by God’s grace, they are infused with new life and conviction and encouragement and we wonder, “Have I EVER read that before?!? Wow!”

And I just have to mention that I have been AMAZED at the grace that has come to me through PEOPLE during this strange, busy season in our family’s life. We headed into it with a strong conviction that we needed to keep up our relationships with the local church and our local ministry opportunities even when our schedule was so tight travel-wise ... but if you had asked me in advance, I just don’t know that I could have told you how important it would be for my spiritual health to spend time serving and being served by ... praying for and being prayed for by ... loving and being loved by ... these friends.

Truly, we were not created to be alone. The Christian life truly is NOT a lone-ranger activity. We really ARE One Body! And this little pinky-toe-toenail is so grateful for the way God’s grace is being lavished on me through all of the members of Christ’s Body.

OK–back to the battle! Much to relax and enjoy today. Much to DO today.
Big, deep breath of moist air! (Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh—)
Must find a TOWEL to dry off my wet Golden (because she JUST tipped a hammock full of water down on her cute little furry head) ...

Remember (again, D. Martyn-Lloyd’s words):

"If we have seen our need and go to God and confess it, God will give us His own Son’s righteousness."

“Say farewell now once and forever to your past. Realize that it has been covered and blotted out in Christ. Never look back at your sins again. Say, ‘It is finished, it is covered by the Blood of Christ.’ For a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the Law.”

“Blessed by the Name of God for such a wondrous salvation for desperate sinners!”

Amen & Amen!

And much love to all,
Tara B.

Just a quick note to send my THANKS and LOVE to all of the women of Mountain View Community Church for the wonderful conference this past weekend!

I am hoping to send out an email this week to you (and to my Florida ladies from last week too! sorry I’ve been so delayed with that ...) and I truly hope that we will stay in touch.

By the way–after I entered all of your names into my little spreadsheet, Fred picked #1680 for the prize ... so congratulations to T.R. for winning the peacemaking stuff! If I don’t get your prize mailed off before I leave for North Carolina on Thursday, I promise to do it ASAP next week.

Eek! What a week.
(Oops–didn’t mean to rhyme that.)

One day at a time, right?
The Lord is good and mighty! And He is to be praised.

God bless!
– Tara B.

Isn’t that great?
Sounds like good Pre-K Co-Op fodder for lessons to me.

!!

(HT Solo Femininity!)

Next week, Fred will teach a workshop on “Worship Wars” at the Peacemaker Conference. I would imagine that the title pretty much says it all, but just to be explicitly clear ... his workshop will discuss common conflicts related to worship styles/genres in churches.

I was thinking of his workshop and praying for him in particular last night because I was overwhelmed with gratitude and happiness for how SWEET the corporate worship I am experiencing at this women’s conference is ... AND how sweet the corporate worship I experienced last weekend in Florida was. Let me take just a moment to contrast them for you:

- This weekend in California, I have the joy of serving a large group of predominantly African-American women. (I think I am one of two Caucasians in the room–but there may be as many as three.) The worship is Christ-centered and wonderful! A pianist who plays with no music led by a woman whose movements and hand signals never detract, but who leads us all so well that we always know what is going on. There are no hymnals, handouts, or overheads. She sings, we sing, she sings some more, we sing some more. Clapping, arms are raised or lowered or raised again. I LOVE IT.

- Last weekend in Florida, I had the joy of serving a large, quiet, conservative Presbyterian church that has existed for FIFTY YEARS. I looked around the room and saw so much white hair that I cried with happiness (we don’t have much white hair in our young congregation in Montana and I miss it!). The worship was Christ-centered and wonderful! We had a pianist, an organist, a choir in robes, and a doctorate of music professor conducting us all. We used our hymnals and sang choruses off of overheads. There were creeds, confessions, readings from the catechism, and I think we always did all five verses of hymns (decently and in good order). I LOVED IT. I did! My heart was turned afresh to God and I loved being there.

It all reminds me of a time that my (spiritual) “Grandma” Doris and “Grandpa” Bernie took me to see my friends from a short-term music missions team I had served on.

I forgot how loud the drums and guitars were! Until I looked down at these two, dear, sweet DUTCH REFORMED FROM IOWA people in their 70’s, quietly sitting next to me as the rest of the room was standing, clapping, moving, etc.

I quickly sat down next to them and said, “Are you OK? Is this too loud? I’m sorry! I didn’t think about how different this is from our little church in Illinois.”

To which Grandma Doris replied with her smile of love that always let me glimpse eternity and the reality of God:

"It’s all worship, dear. It’s all worship."

Thank You, God, for calling your people to worship you.

That we even have this DESIRE is an evidence of Your Spirit at work in our hearts.
Please be glorified in us this day and every day!

Your grateful daughter,
Tara B.

Last night, after bathtime & cuddles & Bible & catechism & reading & more cuddles, Sophia fell asleep in my arms as Fred and I continued to visit.

As Fred and I talked, I couldn’t help but stare at my daughter. Three years old. (“Three and a HALF please Momma,” she would say.)
Blonde hair, hazel eyes—her mouth open in the deep breaths of sleep.
On her back, arms above her head (just like when she was a newborn), snuggled into Momma.

What a picture of safety and love.
(I’m writing this on my second flight of the day and my heart just aches with gratitude thinking about it.)

But it was also a little strange for me too.
(I wonder if I should even blog this next part … but I am always humbled and amazed by how many of you write me after certain posts and say, “I thought I was the only one!”)

So in the spirit of continuing to BUST the “myth of chronic uniqueness” and in order to keep on encouraging us that we are NOT alone and we actually CAN be vulnerable with one another in the Body of Christ and have REAL relationships …

Let me tell you why this precious (precious!) scene of domestic bliss was also a little bit strange for me …
It was because Sophia was SO still and SO her normal “translucent-skin” (just-like-Momma’s “does that makeup come in a lighter shade” skin) …

That I thought to myself, “This is how it would look if Sophia were to die and I were holding her little body in my arms.”

(OK. Now I’m crying on the plane. Hmmmmmmm … hope the fancy businessman in the elite seat next to me doesn’t notice and/or get uncomfortable.)

Please know that I don’t mean to be morbid—really, I don’t!
But I had the thought … just like I’ve had lots of strange, dark thoughts in my life.

For instance … for YEARS (really, 10+ years!) after I found my mom in the act of committing suicide (I was a high school junior at the time), pretty much every time I opened a cabinet door or pulled back a shower curtain, I would cringe just a little bit because I always thought, “There’s going to be a dead body.”

Or another example, for the first couple of years of Sophie’s life, every time I walked up the stairs to her bedroom, I would have to push back the thought that she would be dead when I went to get her out of her crib/bed.

I remember asking Fred if he ever had similar thoughts.

(Can you imagine our conversation?

“Hey Fred? Do you ever think that when you’re walking up our stairs that Sophie will be dead when you get to her room?”
“Um, no. No I don’t, Tara.”
“Oh, OK. Thanks.”

Yeah … we had to do a little follow-up on that one …)

So I confessed to Fred about the shower curtains and cabinets and these secret little fears, etc. And of course I asked him if I was CRAZY and should be institutionalized or something.
(Maybe some of you reading this are asking yourselves the same question?!)

(Trust me, I’ve felt very crazy/mentally ill/OFF during my life.)

Anyway … Fred was his normal, nonplussed, calm, gracious, encouraging, accepting, loving, wise self. He said,

“Tara, you’re not crazy. You’ve just had some experiences in your life that lend themselves to sometimes having some strange thoughts or disturbing fears. But by God’s grace you are not ruled by them. You still open the cabinet doors and take showers and go up the stairs to swoop your daughter into your arms and then you go on with your day. We know that one day, in Heaven, you won’t have these—or any!—struggles any more. And between now and then, God may remove them entirely or He may not. But we KNOW He IS and He WILL CONTINUE TO give you grace for the day. Grace for the moment. So please don’t let it worry you.”

Well said, Fred.
As usual.
Well said.

Excerpts from Psalm 71 …

“You have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth. You brought me forth from my mother’s womb. I will ever praise you. I will proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone. Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will comfort me once again. My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you—I, whom you have redeemed.”

God bless, friends!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Just in case you haven’t heard me teach or listened to any of my CDs … I just wanted to be sure to state that (thank God!) my mom survived her suicide attempt and she is still with us today! Honestly? She is a dear, dear friend to me and I thank God for her. I am especially grateful for how she so generously and lovingly allows me to share a bit of our story when I write and teach because she really wants to be an encouragement to others too. PLUS—Sophie just ADORES “Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Charlie” (my stepdad).

Oh! I wish I had written down her exact words this morning at our prayer/friend group ... but after I waxed on & on (who me? verbal? date mouth? “Why 5 words when 500 will clearly do” Tara?) about how God was blessing me with a renewed embracing of some relatively recent suffering in my life ...

(How, although I never would have chosen what happened; how being so long in a place of physical, emotional, and spiritual suffering brought me to my lowest place of utter despair; how HARD it was and how NECESSARY it was to GRIEVE ... But honestly? I’m having such a renewed sense that I am who I am today because of it. God has used it and is using it in my life for His glory and my good. Really. Actually. Not to excuse the sins I did or the sins done to me. Not to be a stoic. But just to live it because it’s life.)

And my dear friend responded with something to the effect of this:

"Everything goes better when you stop fighting God."

Ahhhhhh – if only I could learn how to be so wise with “5 words rather than 500.”



Amen, K! Well said. Preach it dear one. Preach it sister! Preach on.

Happy, blessed Wednesday–

With love,
Tara B.

I just finished a good, but intense (and long!) telephone call. It was necessary to do it and I’m glad I did ... but Sophie had to entertain herself for 90 minutes with coloring and stickers and mosaics and the like.

At the end of the call I praised her and said, “Thank you SO much for being such a well-behaved girl, Sophia. I am so proud of you! What an evidence of grace in your life that you could serve Momma like that.”

And do you know how she responded? "I prayed for you, Momma, for your call."

Man. I just love this kid. What a wonderful little girl!

Thank You, God, for Sophia Grace.
I could never merit such a gift!
I never take one day getting to be her mom for granted.
I never presume I’ll have another MOMENT with her.
But I just EAT HER UP and love her so much with whatever time You give us together.

(Yes, Yes. I’m feeling all lovey-dovey as a mom at this moment. And yes, yes ... we had a day of MANY PAINFUL CONSEQUENCES yesterday. Many. Many! So of course I’m not meaning to imply that motherhood is all about the happy-feel-good-days ... BUT ... isn’t it SO GOOD that then we can be fully reconciled and go on in our day with a fresh start and a clean slate? Forgiveness is so very, very good.)

Hope you enjoy the Sophie pics I’ll put below!

Love to all,
Tara B.

Tire-swing in our backyard ...



First time camping in the Beartooth Mountains!



(BTW ... Fred says she’ll see more animals with the binoculars pointing the OTHER way. Who knows? He’s probably right–he’s the engineer and all.)

Well ... I emailed Fred from (Minnesota? Michigan? Florida?) ... somewhere yesterday and asked him to pick a number between 1616 and 1663 and THAT person on my little (poor man’s database) Excel spreadsheet would win, you know, THE PRIZE for my Florida event this past weekend.

And Melissa B., YOU WON!

(In case you’re curious, you were #1644. !!)

So, Melissa B. from Florida ... if you have any “I wish I had a ...[specific peacemaking resource]” desire, please let me know ASAP. Otherwise, Lord willing, I’ll pop something (biblical & practical!) in the mail to you before I leave for California Thursday morning.

(Oooooooh! I love giving stuff away!)

Thanks again, Florida gals!
I was blessed to get to be with you all–

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Here is a super fun photo of one of the Florida event hosts (Nancy L.) and me ...

Thank you, Florida Gulfstream PresWIC (Women in the Church), for a wonderful, wonderful weekend!

I was truly blessed and encouraged to spend time with each one of you.

And many thanks to Lake Osborne Presbyterian Church too! I rarely get to attend worship services on weekends when I travel ... and even though my flight schedule only allowed me to be there for the first hour of your service (SORRY to miss your sermon, Pastor Downing!) ... thanks to the wonderful liturgy, hymns, confessions, and prayers, I was truly edified even by just the beginning of your service.

In fact ... sitting in your church this morning, I was overwhelmed with gratitude to God for putting ME into HIS BODY throughout my entire Christian life, but in particular at the VERY beginning of my walk with Christ. How grateful I am for Bethlehem Lutheran Church in Morris, Illinois!:

- For a pastor who took an un-churched, newly regenerate, high school freshman (me!) through adult confirmation so that I could take my first communion (and who never made me feel stupid for asking even the most BASIC questions about the Christian faith)

- For hymns & creeds & confessions & liturgy! (A crash course in theology–every single Sunday. What a gift of grace!)

- For Mrs. Funte welcoming a strange, messed-up kid into handbells and choir and all sorts of other “normal” teenage activities that I never even knew EXISTED prior to my conversion

- For Myrtle, the church secretary, who always made me feel welcomed and loved when I stopped by just to say hi!

- For Mrs. Coop, the mother of a fellow classmate, who bought me a “super cool” BIBLE COVER ("just like the other teenagers had") ... she didn’t have to do that! But she did.

- For countless people who drove me to and from church, choir, handbells ... even doctor appointments!

- For the adult Sunday School Class and Bible Study that welcomed me (even though I skewed the median age WAY DOWN from 50 or 60 or 70); and the “singles ministry” that allowed a teenage kid to enjoy their friendship and fellowship ... I learned about prayer and worship and PASSION FOR CHRIST from both of these age groups (and I will never forget John & Tom & Tammy & George ...)

- And of course, for my “Christian parents”, Paul & Donna Livingston, who opened their hearts and their home to a wounded, scared, dysfunctional kid who didn’t know how to love or be loved ... and for their children who “shared” them with me (especially Cindy West–who took me home from the hospital after my mom’s suicide attempt, tucked me into HER childhood bed, and lavished prayers and love on me that I could NEVER, NEVER, NEVER deserve

God gave me a HOME in His family.

(Imperfect? Of course! Challenging at times? Terribly. Hurtful at times? THE WORST–just like all family conflicts.)

But God gave me a HOME and a FAMILY in the Church.
(And this church family is a big part of the reason why I can also have the best relationships with my mom & dad & sister today! )

Thank you, fellow churchmen, for not giving up on me.
Thank you for loving me when I was quite unlovable.
Thank you for teaching me TRUTH.
And for helping me to grow in grace.

Yes … yes … the worst hurts of my life have happened in the Church.
And yet, this I know: the Church is one of the primary means of God’s grace in our lives.
I thank God for the Church every single day.

Thanks again, women of Florida!
I hope we’ll stay in touch–

With love from Minnesota!
(two flights down, one more to go ... it’ll be 1AM Florida time when I get home to Montana tonight),
–Tara B.

Thank you, Gulfstream Women in the Church! I just finished reading your “Am I at peace with God? Others? Within” notes and it truly was my joy to pray for each one of you.

I am SO eager to be back with you all tomorrow morning! Thank you again for inviting me to be with you for your women’s conference.

Oh–and here are the words of the song that I played at the close of our time together this evening. I hope that they bless you and remind you of how great and glorious God truly is.

How Great is our God!
How Great is our God.

Much love and good night/early morning ,
Tara B.

TASTE AND SEE
by Trudy Poirier

Taste and see the Lord is good.
He will satisfy the soul.
Empty, broken, he will feed,
When we see it’s him we need.

This is my theme, this is my song,
To praise the Lord my whole life long.
He took the water of my life,
And turned it into sweetest wine.

Love that will not let me go.
I will rest my soul in you.
Restless, weary, weak and poor,
I give my will and call you Lord.

Make me your prisoner, then I’ll be free,
For you have bought my liberty.
Batter my heart three-personed God,
You gave your life a ransom for me.

Take all of my busy days,
Take all the longest nights.
Take my hopes and take my dreams,
So that your vision may be mine.

You have not chosen many wise,
You have not chosen many strong,
You take the weakest ones in this world,
That you may show your grace and glory.

© Trudy Poirier (Pear Tree Music)

Have you ever beaten yourself up over the fact that you are prone to legalism?

"Oh why! Oh why! Oh WHY can’t I get this GRACE THING?!?"

“Arrrrrrrrrrrgh! I keep FORGETTING the GOSPEL!! I am SO stupid / bad / worthy only of rejection.”

“I just HAVE TO stop LIVING BY WORKS. I do. Starting right now. I MUST STOP DOING THIS and start living by grace. NOW.”

(Some of you will catch the extraordinary IRONY of those statements.)

Oh! Oh! Oh! ... The Christian life.

We really all are such a mess!
But we are loved by God and saved from ourselves because of the finished work of Christ.

I’m here in Florida about to try to pull myself together and head to the church to teach tonight–

And Fred & Sophie are back in Montana, driving toward the Beartooth Mountains ... bear spray, s'mores fixins, and a shiny new Princess Pink Fishing Rod jammed in the back for Sophie’s first overnight camping trip!

Grace abounds.
We can’t increase it. We can’t decrease it.
It has been secured for us by Another.

Goodnight, all, and God bless!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
I don’t think I’ve posted this “first day of school” pic of Sophia Grace yet ... yes, yes, we’re still “unschooling” because she’s only three years old, but we’re having fun!



And here’s a super-fun one of my dad, his wife Marlene, and Sophie from our trip to Canada this summer ...

I was so blessed to get to spend time with some friends at the airport this morning (and even get to upgrade one of them! it’s fun to be able to do that) ...

I’m in my second of four airports for the day and I have just a second to share with you all what my friend said to me this morning.

He and I were talking about some of our recent teaching events, conciliation cases, and church intervention cases, and he remarked how HARD it is to encourage genuinely reconciled, gospel-proclaiming relationships in a certain geographical area because:

"They live in a culture of NICE."

Isn’t that a great (but sad) description?

(And doesn’t it make you wonder WHERE he was when the people said that they live in a culture of NICE? )

Mostly–isn’t this description an encouragement and conviction to turn AWAY from “niceness” and TOWARD truly united and loving and REDEMPTIVE relationships?

Anyway–thanks for the encouraging notes and prayers too. Here’s hoping my next two flights are as uneventful as the first one.

God bless!
– Tara B.

I got up early today and started a (truly wonderful & edifying! yeah, right ...) blog posting for you all ...

But then my prayer group arrived and afterwards I ran to the gym and then it was off to the races with breakfast & clean-up & cuddles & violin lesson & picking up a friend for a playdate ...

Now it’s 6:00PM and I’m almost packed for Florida (see you soon, guys!) and I only have a few hours left on a big writing project I really wanted to finish before I left town. (Hmmmmmmmmm ... I have a feeling I might be working throughout the ol' three-connections-three-flights day of travel. We’ll see.)

Anyway ... my original blog posting was all about this reawakening I’ve been having to how GOOD God is and how I can TRUST Him, no matter what. Seriously. No matter what.

I’ve been praying that I would embrace the suffering in my life that has been AT THE HANDS OF CHRISTIANS just as much as I embrace the suffering in my life from my childhood.

(Somehow, I have found it much easier to forgive and be merciful to those well-meaning unbeleivers. They were messed up–but of course they were! They didn’t know Christ. BUT (my proud/judgmental/demanding justice heart CRIES OUT) ... Christians should KNOW better!!)

Or, so I have thought in the past and struggled with–and been embittered by over the years.

But God’s grace is greater still! And I can truly state that I WAS experiencing a sweet fellowship with God as I humbly submitted to Him. Stopped kicking against the goad. Stopped trying to FIX EVERYTHING. But humbly begged that He would help me to turn toward HIM with renewed, right worship so that I might be filled to overflowing with love for God and love for neighbor.

And WOW! at 5:30AM, I really thought I WAS.

But then ...
But then ...

HAH.

One email comes. And it scratched a scab off of a deep wound and before you knew it, I was SO BUMMED. Angry. Frustrated. Hurt again. I just felt like GIVING UP.

Then I learn something when we’re at Sophie’s violin lessons that, well, just TICKS ME OFF. Arrrrrrgggggh! I am a selfish, self-centered woman and my first tendency was to ACT loving on the outside but really SEETHE within. Ergh ergh ergh. Blech!

I thought I was “over” all of this!
I thought I was resting in God’s grace and goodness and worshipping Him in His glory!
So then I’d be a loving woman, right?

So what was up with all of this UGLINESS inside of me?

And then, as clear as day, I could hear what my pastor says every single time we co-mediate together:

Until glory, we never “get over it.” We don’t. We don’t “arrive.” We don’t “achieve perfection.”

Christ is our perfection. And His Spirit IS leading us to repentance and faith. He IS helping us to turn away from ourselves and our “monster want” desires (that we have elevated to idolatrous demands).

But this calling to turn away from idols to God is a LIFELONG BATTLE.
Thank God that HE battles for us.
And the outcome of the battle is absolutely, 100%, guaranteed to be VICTORY.

The wrong WILL fail.
The right prevail.
PERIOD.

This is good news and I am so grateful that God helped me to remember it as I was on this “high” and then crashed down to this “real-life” low.

Because, although I WISH I could’ve been in that “merciful/godly/loving Tara” place for just a little longer (and then maybe the “blog that wasn't” might’ve actually seen the light of day!) ...

The truth is that He IS helping me to repent (again) and return to Him (again).

And even while I struggle, God does NOT remove His love from me.
In fact, it is His very kindness that leads me to repent.
Grace grace grace.
Thank You, God!

I’m off at 4:30AM and I’m staying in a Bed & Breakfast in Florida–so I don’t know if I’ll have access to a good wi-fi. If not, I’ll talk with you on Sunday when I’m back in an airport.

Otherwise, I’ll try to give you a shout-out from Florida! (Soph’s already finding Florida on her map and telling everyone the state capital. What a funny kid.)

Thanks in advance for any prayers you can throw our way this month–

We’ve never scheduled so many events and cases for me back-to-back like this before (and I don’t foresee us doing so again anytims soon) ... but when we canceled all of my October and November events for very happy reasons and then had a strangely open fall schedule-wise because of very sad reasons, we decided to accept a number of September events that we would have otherwise passed on.

Anyway ... I live in Montana only Mondays through Wednesdays for the next few weeks–so thanks in advance for your prayers and encouragement.

God bless and much love,
Tara B.

Years ago I interviewed one of my elders to seek his wisdom on the topic of leadership.

He is an extremely well-read man, and I wasn’t surprised to find him giving me example after example from various books he was currently reading.

One leader stuck out in my mind–he kept mentioning a certain military leader whose “grace under fire” was detailed in the book Band of Brothers.

Well ... I JUST finished reading Band of Brothers and I have to say ... if you have any interest in learning better how to relate with people, get along, serve, do your part, lead well, and follow well ... buy this book! It is simply marvelous.

AND–this gentleman, Winters (his rank kept changing as he continued to advance) is absolutely beyond the PALE an extraordinary leader.

I could give example after example, but I’d like to highlight just a few:

- When his men were surrounded (in numerous situations!), he went himself into harm’s way to scout out the situation and determine the best course of action.

- During one battle, he gathered his platoon and said, “Men, there’s nothing to get excited about. The situation is normal; we are surrounded.” Then he organized an attack, hit the enemy hard, and did his duty. (Amazing!)

- After he and his men had completed multiple battles, they were all granted a brief break. Almost all of the men went to Paris. At the same time, a large number of new recruits were on night training exercises. One “newbie” lost sight of the man in front of him “and drew a sharp breath. He tensed, looking around. A quiet voice from behind said, ”You’re O.K., son. Just kneel down and look up and you can catch sight of them against the sky." He did, saw them, and muttered, “Thanks,” and moved on. Later he discovered that the advice had come from Winters. So here was Winters, his battalion staff cavorting in Paris, leading an all-night exercise for recruits."

(By the way, this “seasoned leader” this “old man” ... was twenty-six years old.)

Is it any wonder why his men followed this leader?
They all, to a man, said that Winters led by saying, “Follow me!” (Not by ordering his men into situations while he stayed in some safe place in the back. Nope. He led by leading.)

I just love this book!

(Oh–and Shelley? If you and your husband agree that the (very) occasional profanity is OK for your son to read ... having finished the book now I would have to say that I whole-heartedly recommend it for you to read together. It is profound and a wonderful read.)

Thank God for these men. The Greatest Generation. Heroes–every single one.

(Although I know that most of them would eschew that title. In the book, one of the men wrote, “In thinking back on the days of Easy Company, I’m treasuring my remark to a grandson who asked, ‘Grandpa, were you a hero in the war?’ 'No,' I answered, ‘but I served in a company of heroes.’”)

Oh oh oh! A heartfelt thank you to all of our military (and their families!) and the military chaplains (and their families!) and to all who lay aside their own self-interest for love of God, their country, and their comrade next to them.

How convicted I am (especially when I consider how I interact with my brothers and sisters in Christ–are we not warriors in a war too? So why do I act like I’m sailing along on a cruise ship, my comfort, convenience, and my happiness my preeminent concerns? But actually we are on a battleship; we have our orders; we are called to be a “band of brothers” as we lay down our lives for one another and for our Leader!)–how convicted I am.

Thank God for mercies which are new every morning!

Here’s to a blessed, God-centered Tuesday when we wake up in the morning.

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
(Please use caution especially with children if you click through to this website as some of the posts might be only appropriate for adults ... but I love this site and I wanted to share just a few of the reasons why ...)









(HT Military Motivator!)

Wow! I am a blessed woman to get to hear from so many wise people. (Men and women alike!) Thanks for the emails and for the encouragement/wisdom/gentle confrontations too. I really do appreciate you all.

A recent email got me thinking along the lines of, “So, OK. You keep calling the women to remember the gospel and love well–but what about the MEN? What would you say to these leaders if you were given a chance?”

Oooooh ... what a good question!

(As an aside, I’ve actually thought about this topic for a future book too–but I would want to co-author it with a pastor so that both “sides” (perspectives) would be represented.)

Here are my initial/just brainstorming thoughts:

1. Ask for feedback on as to how you are coming across relationally–especially to women. This would take courage, of course. Your identity would need to be rooted in Christ and you would have to NOT be a people-pleasing, bound by the Fear of Man, have to always “look good” kind of leader. But assuming that you truly want to love God and love your neighbor–and your sheep!–well, get some feedback. Don’t be defensive. Listen carefully–and see how God might be calling you to even greater faith and conformity to His Son.

2. Consider how you might compensate for your weaknesses relationally–especially concerning women. For example, if you know you are an introvert/brainiac/scholar or engineer/task-oriented/linear-thinker, consider if there are any easy-to-get-along-with/extrovert/happy-relational (and spiritually mature!) men that you might partner with as you counsel/disciple. Or even (gasp!) consider bringing along one of those non-Y-chromosomed disciples (women!) to help you as you lead and serve.

(Having been invited into such meetings by both the church leaders and the person needing help, I can tell you that especially when there is a HURT WOMAN INVOLVED, having a “neutral” (i.e., “NOT currently involved in this specific conflict/situation, NOT currently hurt by this church leader”-type woman) involved can be a REAL asset. It’s almost like we are translators or something. (Tara: “I think that what she is trying to say is ...” Hurt woman: “That’s RIGHT! That’s how I feel!” Pastor: “I had NO idea!” Ahhhhhhhhh ... now let’s all run to the Cross, shall we?)

3. Encourage your church to bring in pastoral staff that is different from you. For example, in our church, our leaders knew that as our senior pastor continued to preach Christ and we continued to grow, we would HAVE TO develop our ability to function/live/minister in our small groups. (Church leaders simply cannot disciple/counsel/keep tabs on hundreds of people no matter how hard they try.) So they hired in our associate pastor who is brilliant, to be sure, and able to preach (no problem). But he is particularly gifted at relationships and building community in the Body. Our two pastors are so different from each other! But that was clearly by design by our leaders and our members.

4. If you REALLY hate the “people part” of your ministry ... please consider asking yourself whether you should really even BE a pastor/church leader. Because what IS the Church? People. Who did Christ die for? People. Why do you preach? God’s glory! Yes! But also for the edification of His ... people. So while there is room for much grace when it comes to propensities and giftings and even growth in relational skills ... AND we all go through seasons of “ups & downs” (especially regarding our relationships) ... It seems to me that if you really hate being around people; if sinners bug you and you have a complete lack of love for your sheep; if you’d love your ministry as a pastor if it weren’t for all of these needy, pesky people! ... maybe you’re in the wrong line of ministry. Just a thought.

I’m shaking in my Keds as I continue to post on this topic!
So much hurt. So much pain.

We are fearful–and where there is fear, there is not love.
We are sick of being hurt–but not wanting to live only for our own comfort.

We know there are evil people in the world (and the church!) doing evil things ... so we need to be wise! (But we are mindful of our own depravity with every breath we take.)

May God have mercy on us all!
Oh! To quote a friend who just emailed me ... “this makes me long for Heaven.”
(Me too. Me too.)

God bless you all and good night!

Your friend,
Tara B.

(Well ... this topic is obviously hitting a nerve with a lot of people. So here is a little addendum to my previous posts on the conflicts between women and their church leaders ...)

I always say this when I speak at any women’s event, so I’d better be sure to say it explicitly here too:

When I am talking about “suffering well” and “loving our enemies” I am NOT talking about women lying down on the ground like doormats–especially not regarding PHYSICAL ABUSE.

If you are being physically abused, GET HELP! There are overlapping spheres of authority in these situations–including civil/criminal authorities–that may be the very way that God ministers His will to all of the people involved (including the abuser).

But again–just to restate what I AM saying one more time ...

Most (but not all) of the situations that I interact with do NOT involve physical abuse or “direct orders” by someone in authority that a woman “has to” sin.

Usually, the woman is HURT, sad, disappointed, and angry because the person in authority has not lived up to her expectations.

Maybe he is incompetent. Immature. Ignorant when it comes to how different men and women can be.
Maybe he has never even tried to minister God’s grace to her or to her family–
Or maybe he HAS tried but he’s done a lousy job.

Whatever the case, somehow she has been very (very!) hurt by him and it is HARD to persevere in love.

THAT is the situation I’m talking about. Not the one where a cult-like “leader” abuses his “followers” and warps the good concept of authority into self-serving evil.

Hope this helps to clarify!

Yours,
Tara B.

OK. It’s happened again.

I post a blog entry and there are no public comments. But before you know it, personal emails start to trickle in one on top of another.

(I mentioned this pattern to Fred last night before I even wrote yesterday’s entry simply because I MARVEL at how many comments are left on some websites/blogs ... and I know we have thousands of hits on PeaceGals and here on my blog, but not many comments. I mentioned to Fred how, perhaps, these topics are just too personal, too intimate, leaving people too vulnerable to actually dialogue about “publicly.” I wonder ...)

ANYWAY ...

Trying to honor the time constraints of my duties re: domestic diva Tara/consultant Tara/getting ready to be out of state every weekend until October 13 Tara ... I think I’d better not try to email responses to every person individually. (I hope you understand!)

(Oh, and THANKS for writing! It is always an honor to hear from people.)

I just wanted to make a few more observations/share a few thoughts on this whole topic of “women being hurt by their leaders in the church”:

1. Our leaders are in process too. Demanding perfection (or even functionality in ALL areas of life) from them is just as unloving and graceless as they often are to US. Hey ladies–let’s give them some GRACE shall we? Yes, it hurts. Yes, we suffer. Yes, this is a horribly AWFUL part of picking up our cross and suffering well. But I truly believe that it is our duty–not so much as women, but simply as CHRISTIANS–to lay down our lives and love our neighbor and love our enemy (especially when that neighbor or enemy is our church leader).

Please remember that as our leaders bump into us and cut us accidentally (because of their fallenness and weaknesses) AND/OR as they lash out at us and wound us DEEPLY (because of their sin!) ... they are just as desperate for Christ as we are.

2. Many leaders are NOT good at both doctrine and relationships. Not to imply any sort of scientific study here or anything–but just based on my Christian life and on mediations, consulting gigs, conflicted church interventions, and speaking events at which I’ve served ... It seems to me that the leaders who are usually the most theologically accurate / careful thinking / guarding of doctrine can often be the ones who are just AWFUL at relationships. Seriously. Many of the church leaders I know (across the nation) and trust to never lead me astray doctrinally I also have a hard time trusting relationally–simply because they are either immature, unskilled, ignorant, in need of further sanctification, or just AWFUL at relating with people.

Yes, of course there are some who excel in both areas–doctrinal/intellectual carefulness AND relationships ... but they are few and far between. So what does that mean for the practicality of daily living? Well, I don’t know about you, but I would MUCH rather have biblical, gospel-infused, Christ-centered, Cross-centered preaching and teaching and shepherding done by men who are GROWING in how to relate with people ... than HERESY or LEGALISM taught/preached/encouraged by loving, easy-to-relate-to, great at discipleship and feedback and friendship leaders. (And so we stay. Suffer? Yes. Become stoics/bitter/cynical? NO NO NO. Persevere in LOVE and in FAITH? YES YES YES!)

3. It is faithless and loveless and SINFUL for us to DEMAND that our leaders lead us better; embrace and promote biblical peacemaking; suddenly become GREAT as shepherding and encouraging; WHATEVER. Seriously–this propensity in women to tell ANYONE (man, woman, child) how they “OUGHT TO” be and “SHOULD BE” and “NEED TO BE” is such a horrible part of so many relational conflicts (especially in marriage and relating to church leaders). Oh, friends! Even if we are shrewd, insightful, brilliant, discerning–WHATEVER–we are NOT the Holy Spirit. We are not! And it is SIN for us to make an IDOL–sinful demand–out of PEACEMAKING (or anything else we “know” our leaders “should be” doing).

Does this mean that we just sit back and STEW? Stay silent and POUT? Of course not! We use all of our intellect and gifts and LOVE to serve and help and encourage. And if our leaders say, “No. We’re not implementing that idea.” or “No. We’re not going to give that ministry at encouragement or money or time.” ... We remember that have only INFLUENCE in this situation, not authority. We remember that our leaders have the right to be wrong. We make every respectful appeal. We persevere in love! But if it reaches the point where our conscience is seared or they are commanding us to sin ... then, of course, we have to GET OUT. But most situations are not like this! Seriously. Most situations involve wisdom issues (not sin issues). So please be careful!

4. Our propensity is to treat them in the exact way they are treating us. They criticize us (and we criticize them for being so critical). They judge us and write us off without ever giving us a chance to grow. (And we are so hurt by this! So we respond by saying, “He’ll NEVER change.”) They ignore us or even avoid us (so we pull back / run away / hide / escape ... maybe we actually leave physically, but for sure we flee emotionally by putting up a huge wall in our hearts that says, “I will NEVER trust you!”).

They TRY to do the “peacemaking thing” and actually give us feedback/counsel–but their “help” has some room for improvement. Maybe they mean it loving, but it comes across as critical, unloving, with no encouragement or hope whatsoever. (So we judge them ("He’s a leader! He should KNOW better!"). We replay the memories OVER AND OVER AND OVER again in our minds (and feed our anger and bitterness). We re-tell the stories to our “friends” and gather up all of the evidence we need to make our case as to their (many!) failures. We “know” EXACTLY what THEIR problems are and what THEIR sins are because we have rehearsed them so many times in our hearts and minds. And then we wonder why our leaders are SO reticent to ever try to counsel/shepherd/get involved again.

It’s no mystery! They give us no grace so we give them no grace RIGHT BACK.

Oh ladies! It takes FAITH to respond to graceless, gospel-less criticism with anything other than graceless, gospel-less criticism. But I am praying that we will be women of FAITH! And of course, faith leads to ACTION. And the action is LOVE.

Faith is the root. Love is the fruit. This is a WORK OF GOD. It is counter-cultural. It is the OPPOSITE of our instinctual reaction. It is SO STRANGE that people would look at it and say, “WHAT is going ON?!?” "WHY would you EVER stay and keep trying to work through this?" “Didn’t you call them that one time? Didn’t you meet TWO WHOLE TIMES?!? I thought you wrote that letter! Surely that is enough!! Get out! Get away! YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS.”

And we respond:

This is so hard. It is.
My heart is breaking. Truly.
I’m crushed! I’m crushed! I can’t even breathe.

But yay tho He slay me, I will yet trust in Him. My Savior and my God.

Will I be wise and shrewd? Yes.
Am I called as a full disciple to use all of the resources at my disposal to promote that which is GOOD in this situation? Yes.

Can I FIX this church leader? No.
Can I fix this situation? No.

Will there ever be complete JUSTICE in this life? NO WAY.
Am I going to be VINDICATED? Maybe. Maybe not.
Will my reputation, livelihood, financial security, NAME be RESTORED? Maybe. Maybe not.
Is God still in control? YES.

Does God give me everything I need for life and godliness? Even in this HORRIBLE situation? Yes.
Is it more important to be RIGHT or LOVING? Loving.

Can I leave? Maybe. Leaving may be of faith OR it may be of sin. Be careful. Get help–especially from someone who has NO STAKE in the situation.

But I don’t WANT to persevere!! I know. I know. Who would?
Who would choose this?
Who would choose to suffer?

Only someone who is aware of the brevity of life and the length of eternity; someone who is staking her claim on the redemptive plan of God to save His children and make all things new in Christ; someone who knows that every breath, every step, every moment of life is NOT for HER but for the ONE Who made her ... this one suffers.

She loves–which involves risk. She forgives–which involves dying to self. She doesn’t give up–even when other people give up on her. Because God, in Christ, never gives up on her and she treats people they way GOD treats her, NOT the way PEOPLE treat her.

Oh! Oh! Oh!
My heart is just BREAKING for each one of you. Of us.

Please trust that I’m praying for each situation that I hear about ...
And please, PLEASE remember this: Every day will not feel this bad.

Samara always tells me, “This too shall pass.”
And it will. It truly will.

OK. Back to “real” (i.e., non-blog) life ...

Yours,
Tara B.