considerable grace

A dear and wonderful friend of mine had a huge shock this week ... her teenage son was found unconscious in a pool of his own vomit!

No indication his entire life ... but apparently he has a brain deformity that was causing fluid to build up on this brain. They did emergency brain surgery and he is stable. But as you can imagine, this family could use our prayers.

Oh–and even in the midst of these trials, they are just such a funny family. Here are some of the quotes she shared from the week:

"Mom, I know you’re 17 years and six months out of practice, but if you’re going to be feeding me, you need to do some target practice." - Stephen

“These things aren’t typically brain surgery —- unless they are —– well, brain surgery.” - Pastor Kevin Allen

“Wow, between the choices of nothing and JELL-O, who knew that I had such an intense love of JELL-O?.” - Stephen

(And yes, I have permission to share all this with you and ask for prayer.)

Thanks for praying and love to you all!

Yours in Christ,
Tara B.

My friend Sarah Joy just OOZES wisdom. I love interacting with her because I’m always encouraged AND I learn stuff too.

Recently she made a passing comment in an email that I don’t think she’d mind me sharing (let me know if you do, Sarah Joy! ) ...

Reflecting on the HOORAY-ness aspect of my touching yeast (she was the friend who emailed me the pretzel recipe), she mentioned how she is learning more and more to say, instead of “I don’t know how to do that!” ... “Can you teach me?”

She said it’s a great way to start friendships with older women in the church who are (in her words), “amazingly talented yet often content to sit on the sidelines. Even if I get the project completely wrong, the time we spent together is life-changing.”

So much wisdom (and humility! wisdom is humble!) in one little question:

"Would you please teach me how to do that? I would love to learn from you."

Thanks, Sarah Joy!

And lovies and hugs to all of your wonderful children too!!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... I received permission to post two (WONDERFUL!) pics of Golden Retrievers from readers of this blog, so here they are:



Sweet Meghan (no longer with us) and gorgeous Calum!

Here are our two ...



Choza (with a MUCH younger Sophia Grace)–Choza is no longer with us but her video on YouTube has had almost 22,000 views!

And our sweet Lilikoi ("Lili")–asleep at my feet as I type this:



Anyone else?? Any Golden Retriever owners out there who’d like to join this post??

(Oh, and yes yes ... I love your mutt & your lab & your whatever too. (Even your cat!) But just to NOT turn into a cute-animal-posting-all-night-Tara, only Goldens please. )

Love ya' and blessings,
Tara B.

PS
More pics keep arriving ...



Jonah & Sadie!

Pastor Alfred preached another great sermon on Christian marriage last Sunday and his notes included some “discussion starter” questions.

I encourage you to consider setting aside some time to work through these with your spouse! And maybe encourage your small group or Sunday school class to do the same.

(Our church is going to do a three month long Sunday school class on Christian marriage and I know Pastor Jason wants to make it very interactive and REALLY helpful for the long-haul so he is including mediation / counseling / coaching components too.)

I think Fred and I will be processing these ...

God bless and Happy Wednesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

What is Christian Marriage?
Pastor Alfred Poirier (Rocky Mountain Community Church (PCA), Billings, Montana)

Definition of Marriage: Marriage is a God-ordained covenant of companionship, common life and conjugal love, between a man and a woman under the care, guidance and discipline of Christ’s church for the ultimate purpose of reflecting and restoring by word and deed the glory of Christ’s Lordship over all of life with its proximate end to that of raising godly (gospel) children all through the gospel of God’s sovereign grace and in the power of his indwelling Spirit.

Marriage is a God-ordained covenant of companionship, common life and conjugal love, between a man and a woman, Eph 5.31; Gen 2.18, 23-25; Heb 13.4; Mal 2.15-16; 1 Cor 7.3-5.

1. Give thanks to God for your spouse. “I thank God for you because . . .” Eph 1.16; 5.18-20

2. Complete the following: “Because of you, I am growing in likeness to Christ in the following ways . . .” Eph 5.1; 4.1-3; Col 3.12-17

3. What things would improve our companionship, common life and conjugal love? How could we spend time to enhance our understanding and appreciation for one another? What RBA’s – (relationship-building activities) would be good to engage in? Set a date. Eph 5.15-20; 22-33

4. What things hinder God’s goal for us to have “companionship, common life and conjugal love”? Eph 5.28-31; 4.17-31

5. How are we honoring the marriage bed and thereby upholding the sanctity of sex in marriage and counteract the sexual immorality of our culture? Eph 5.2-7; 5.31; Heb 13.4; 1 Cor 7.3-5; Prov 5.15-20

Under the care, guidance, and discipline of Christ’s church, Eph 1.1, 22; 2.11-22; 3.14-21; 4.11-16; Eph 5.22-33.

1. What does God say about his church? Eph 1.1, 22; 2.19-22; 3.10-12, 20-22; 4.11-16; 5.22-27
What gifts has the Lord given to us through his church? Eph 4.1-16

2. Discuss your relationship to your local church? Eph 4.11-13, 15-16
• Consumers (Phil 3.18-19)
• Part of the family (Eph 2.19-22)
• Builders of the Body of Christ (Eph 4.15-16)
• A People we can go to for counsel and support in tough times (Eph 4.2)
• Other . . .

3. How does or can our marriage promote Christ’s cause through his local church? How can we use our home as a basis for ministry? Acts 16.15; 18.24-26; Rom 16.3

4. In what ways do we see ourselves as “under the care, guidance, and discipline of Christ’s church?” In what ways not? How willing are we to take our marriage problems for counsel with our elders/pastors? Heb 13.17; Prov 15.22

5. Do we appeal to pastoral staff, elders, leaders, and deacons for help when we are having difficulties in our marriage? Matt 18.15ff; Heb 13.17

For the ultimate purpose of reflecting and restoring by word and deed the glory of Christ’s Lordship over all areas of life, Eph 3.10-13; Eph 4.17-6.9; Priscilla and Aquila, Acts 18.27; Rom 16.3-4; Gen 1.28; Matt 28.18-20.

1. What factors in our marriage blind us to the glorious purposes of God for our marriage? Eph 5.29-32

2. Discuss Past & Future: 1] “I married you because . . .” 2] “My original expectations for our marriage was...” “My desire for us as a couple (and believing God is calling us to) is . . .”

3. How is Christ’s Lordship becoming more evident (less evident) in our marriage?
• Speaking the truth in love vs. silence, superficial conversations, Eph 4.16, 25, 29
• The way we respond to conflict vs. fighting, Eph 4.26-27, 31-32; Jas 4.1-10
• The way we steward our finances, vs. stealing, Eph 4.28; Mal 3.8-13
• Wise use of our time for Christ’s kingdom, vs. my castle, not Christ’s, Eph 5.15-21
• Mutual support for each other’s tasks, work vs. self-centeredness, Eph 5.21–6.9
• The use of our time, Eph 5.15-21

4. What do I say that builds you up? Tears you down? In what ways could we improve our
conversation with each other to make them wise, apt and healing? Speaking and listening in order to respond wisely, Eph 4.29; Jas 1.19; Prov 18.13; Eph 4.16,25,29; Prov 12.18

5. What do you think I do that is displeasing to our Lord and upsetting to you? Eph 5.6-10

6. Jesus says that pagans, in their anxiety, seek first their needs, but we are to first seek God’s kingdom and his righteousness. In what ways do fear, anxiety, and worries hinder our service and love towards one another and our brothers and sisters in Christ in the church? Matt 6.25-34

With its proximate end to that of raising godly (gospel) children, Eph 6.1-4; Gen 1.28; 18.19; Deut 6.4-8, 20- 24; 2 Cor 6.14-7.1.

1. Do our children know the gospel? Ephesians 1-3; Romans 1-8

2. Have we told our children about our own marriage, God’s design and purpose for marriage? Gen 2.18-25; Matt 19.1-12; Eph 5.22-33

3. Do our children know that they ought not be unequally yoked with unbelievers in choosing a spouse? 2 Cor. 6.14-7.1; Mal. 2.15

4. Do our children think and act as if they are the ultimate reason for our marriage, or that they too are called to seek first God’s kingdom, Christ’s reign? Eph. 6.1-3; What might we be doing to hinder that vision? What can we do to improve their view of the purpose of their place in our family and in God’s Greater Family? Eph. 2.19-22

5. How would our child answer the following: "My parent’s greatest dream / hope for me is . . .” Would their answer fit God’s purpose? Ephesians 1.4, 4.17-24; 5.1-2; 5.27; Prov. 1.7; 3.1-12

All through the gospel of God’s sovereign grace and the power of his indwelling Spirit, Eph 1.1—5.21

1. Pick a “grace” and share with each other what it means for you both to be:

Chosen by God, Eph 1.4
Adopted as sons, Eph 1.5
Redeemed, Eph 1.7
Forgiven/Justified, Eph 1.7
Sealed with the Spirit, Eph 1.13-14
Made alive with Christ, Eph 2.1-5
Saved by grace through faith, Eph 2.8-9
God’s workmanship, Eph 2.10

2. How are we growing in confessing specific sins and granting forgiveness to each other? What offense right now could you confess and I to you? Eph 4.31-32; Matt 18.22-33; Col 3.12-17

3. How can we improve our reading of God’s word together? How can we show that our marriage is not lived on bread alone but on every word that comes from God’s mouth? What decisions do we as a couple not take to the Lord? Matt 4.4; Eph 2.20

4. In what areas of our marriage, is Satan slinging his “flaming arrows” against us? What weapons/armor do we need? Eph 6.10-18

5. What three things can I pray about in order for you to be the husband / wife Christ means for you to be? Eph 6.18-20; Luke 11.1-11

Thanks for all of the encouraging comments re: the label for the DVD disks. I am very encouraged and HOPEFUL that we’ll actually be able to get this project DONE of these days.

Quick question: Would any of you like to see the STUDY GUIDE before it goes to the graphic design artist to be professionally “laid-out”?

Maybe glance through it; help catch any typos; clear up confusing writing; recommend a resource to be included, etc.??



I know that most of the readers of this blog have heard me teach and/or read Peacemaking Women so you’d be familiar with the concepts ...

Drop me an email if you’re interested and I’ll start a list to email a draft to when it’s done. (I’m HOPING that will be around December 15, Lord willing.)

Thanks, friends!
Hope you enjoy a lovely Tuesday.

We have co-op and ballet and small group today, so once I get going I really don’t come up for air until, oh, say, 9:30PM. Eek.

But it’s a good day.

Love and blessings,
Tara B.

Working hard on the DVD project again!

What do you guys think of this for one of the disk labels????

COMBATING WEARINESS WITH ALTERNATE FORMS OF EXERCISE
(Written by Ajith Fernando after he preached 13 times in four days in Ukraine)

A few decades ago the cricket-loving world was shocked when a popular and brilliant English cricketer said that the pressure of having to perform according to people’s expectations and the resulting stress often led him to take cannabis after a game. Cannabis is a narcotic. A narcotic is “a drug (as opium) that in moderate doses dulls the senses, relieves pain, and induces profound sleep but in excessive doses causes stupor, coma, or convulsions” (Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary).

Tiredness, especially if it has been accompanied by stress, makes us vulnerable to a whole new set of problems. We have recently read about cricketers who visit night clubs, get drunk and behave badly at night during a series. I once read of a pastor who used to visit a prostitute on Sunday nights to supposedly “satisfy his needs” after the tiring and stressful Sunday.

There are good and bad ways to recover from tiredness and stress. When Elijah suffered depression after his spiritually draining conflict with the prophets of Baal God let him to walk in the open for forty days and to sleep for more than a day with stops only for meals which God provided miraculously (1 Kings 18-19). We see images of cricketers relaxing in the swimming pool at the end of a day’s play or playing football (soccer) on their day off from cricket in the middle of a series.

Our entertainment-oriented culture provides us with ways to face this challenge, and many of those are damaging. Therefore it is important for us to plan what we will do after a tiring and stressful activity. I think the most common method used today is watching television which has a narcotic affect on one’s tired mind. I do not think this is all bad. But in some countries television gets unclean at night, and that can be very dangerous.

I have recently returned from a trip to Ukraine. I had asked my hosts to put me up with the other delegates, but they overruled me and put me in a different hotel. And how glad I was about that! After putting the heat on at maximum I needed to wear three layers of clothes to keep myself warm in my hotel room! The delegates did not have any heating at all, as the government had not yet released heating gas for the winter! On my second day I found that TV gets unclean at night there. So I pulled off the TV plug and replaced it with the kettle plug! I sent my wife an SMS text message saying that I am doing so and asked her to forward the SMS to my accountability group. I usually send SMS’ to these people when I stay in a hotel.

Slowly I am coming to accept that the best way to overcome tiredness and stress is not by using a narcotic (like TV), but by using an alternate form of exercise which refreshes me as a person. We saw that above with Elijah’s walk and with the swimming and the football of the cricketers. On the flight back home from Ukraine I read several short mystery stories by Agatha Christie which exercised the mind through an activity markedly different to preaching. I find that swimming produces a similar form of relaxation through alternate exercise.

The day after I came home was a free day for me, so I spent a good time at the piano singing hymns in what I like to call a “praise feast.” This is my favourite form of “alternate exercise.” I usually use one of five styles of sacred music for this.

(1) I use my Methodist Hymnbook most often because that is what I grew up with and because it beautifully portrays the great truths which under-gird my life.

(2) When I am abroad I often use the Sinhala (my mother-tongue) song book we use at Church and YFC.

(3) I sometimes use Mission Praise which gives the best of contemporary Christian music.

(4) This time I used Praise: Our Songs and Hymns (edited by John W. Peterson). This book has many songs representing the gospel hymn tradition of which the famous early representative was Sankey’s Sacred Songs and Solos. Gospel hymns are lively reminders great gospel truths. And sometimes it is good to just sing lustily about the marvels of grace!

(5) Occasionally I use some western classical music, like music from the great choral works of Bach, Handel and Haydn. These present the great truths of the faith with sublime majesty and musical artistry.

By having an occasional “praise feast” for my prayer time instead of my usual intercession-saturated prayer time I am trying to follow the rhythmic pattern to life which I believe God gave us humans for our enrichment. We have six days of hard work and one day of rest. We have daily physical contact with our spouses and occasional moments of ecstasy through sexual relations. Daily we thank God for providing our needs, but occasionally we have a festival to vigorously enjoy praising God for it in community. In the same way we can have a praise feast occasionally as a change from the normal routine of intercession saturated prayer.

A significant feature of the alternate activity which punctuates our normal daily routine is vigorous enjoyment. The Old Testament festivals were usually days of loud praise with dancing and singing in community. We can’t do that daily. But we need to do that occasionally because the God who made us to live daily in joy also intends us to have occasional bursts of ecstasy when we focus on the things that produce our daily joy. Occasional praise feasts do this for us. Music, of course, is the language of joy. Singing helps engage our whole being in praise. We are able to express our gratitude to God in a way that gives full expression to our emotions. Such expressions of emotion serve to refresh and heal our tired and battered souls.

Praise feasts also help us avoid one of the great traps of hard work: thinking that we have done something great and that because of that we are superior to those who don’t work as hard as we do. Spiritual pride is a trap those who work hard can easily fall into. But when we spend time rejoicing in God and praising him we are impacted afresh by that great antidote to spiritual pride: the grace perspective. We realise that everything good in our lives is entirely the result of grace. We realise we don’t deserve anything we have received. But that realisation does not cause depression; instead it causes deep, deep joy.

Let’s see how the grace perspective produces joy. We realise that now the greatest things in our life do not have to do with us but with Jesus who has loved us and made us the precious children of God. If we depended on our worth for our sense of significance we will restless and insecure, for deep down we know how weak and imperfect we are! But if our significance comes from what God has made us to become—then we have complete joy! Nothing can take that joy away because there is nothing in this world that is as powerful as the God who is the cause of it.

Let your tiredness be an occasion to increase your joy in the Lord! But be careful! Even though pleasure is God’s gift to us, it is also a tool which Satan uses. And the entertainment industry is a ready means he can use to lead us astray. This is why I decided to give some rather personal details about how to handle this issue. I wanted to demonstrate that we must make specific decisions about how we are going to deal with tiredness. Satan has many traps laid out for us to fall into if we have not planned our times of recovery from stressful activity.

I had an unexpected blessing yesterday ... I got to accompany our church’s Christmas choir!

This is REALLY REALLY fun for me ... although I must admit that it took a few minutes to warm up that part of my brain that knows how to subdivide and play in keys with six flats (including some horrible monstrosity of a melody that included a B double flat–I mean really! Does the universe need a song with a B DOUBLE FLAT?!? I think not).

It hit me on the way home (as I was tempted to worry about whether I was relationally inept when the choir director came over to me during the rehearsal and asked if I could sight read a certain piece–I glanced at it, no prob, and went and accompanied it ... but THAT was before the crazy key signature piece and then the “changes meter every other measure with really kooky syncopated rhythms” piece) ...

God really blessed me with the gift of music in junior high, high school, and college. Not only did I get to receive the encouragement of godly men like Mike Fiske (high school band director) and James Lambrecht (college symphonic band director), I also got to study with godly women like Sharon Kleinhuizen-Jensen and be befriended by their spouses too.

PLUS, I really think God used MUSIC to TRAP my (prone to depression/melancholy? bipolar? mentally ill? tempted to unbelief and faithlessness? A.D.D.? just Tara) “Tara Brain” and give it something to do so that I could survive my teenage/early adult years (parents divorce, mom’s suicide attempt, finding a way to go to college without a lot of parental guidance/support, etc. etc.).

Besides all that ... I REALLY LOVE IT. It was so much fun to play (even poorly!) the french horn in a Mahler symphony! It was a BLAST to accompany choirs, swing choirs, musicals, jazz bands, cello recitals, flute recitals, vocalists, etc. I loved the friends I met and I loved working in ensembles. I loved trying hard at something, working hard for hours and hours ... and actually getting to do it well.

(One of my all-time favorite memories from college was having the PRIVILEGE of accompanying an African-American woman named Libby who sang RIDE ON KING JESUS for a Black Lit class Dr. Paul Olsen—truly one of the best teachers in the entire WORLD—the way it was MEANT to be sung. I mean she knocked the RAFTERS down and I could’ve accompanied her every day for the rest of my LIFE.)

(Ooooooh … this is good motivation to PRACTICE this week so that I can serve even better at next week’s rehearsal.)

So what about YOU? What do YOU enjoy? REALLY enjoy?

At friend/prayer group this morning one of the ladies REGALED us with stories of her (NO JOKE!) cross-country skiing and SHOOTING adventures / competition on Thanksgiving morning. She is a sweet, gentle, lovely Christian gal who serves her husband, children, and church well ... AND she can, apparently, ski for miles and shoot targets WAY FAR AWAY in -4 degree weather.

AND she loves it. Lights up her happy place SO FUN loves it.

Another of the ladies this morning said that our pastor and his wife had them (and their nine? ten?) children over for dinner and asked all of them what THEY enjoyed doing and she really had to pause. She explained that she was VERY happy in her life–but her day didn’t allow for much “just for fun / I really ENJOY this” time. Her season of life is such that just the SURVIVAL/daily tasks really take up the time.

But she did come up with creative things like art projects, sewing projects, anything tangible that she could create with her hands.

(I found this so endearing because, OF COURSE, things like art & sewing give me minor anxiety attacks.)

So again I ask: What about you? What do you do that you really really ENJOY?

Not that we LIVE for our pleasure, of course ... but just as C.S. Lewis reminds us so often in his letters and essays ... it’s good and even NECESSARY to have REDEMPTIVE REST. Relaxing, edifying, ENJOYABLE rest.

And I bet that a lot of us would be like my friend and sort of gulp or pause or just have no idea. Initially.

But it WILL come to us.

Mine? I’m realizing how much I really do love to play the piano.
I LOVED jumping in and trying to help in Hawaii when the accompanist didn’t make it back from the break in time (Hi Anne! ) ... what a blast!

Oooooh—this reminds me of a great Ajith Fernando essay. He’s already given me permission to post it, so I’ll go dig it up for you guys now.

THEN, I have to GET BACK TO “REAL” WORK. Soph’s at my friends' homes ALL DAY so that I can a) get interviewed by a magazine (in about 45 minutes) and b) work on my DVD study guide.

(Sophie was so cute in our Bible and prayer time this morning. After thanking God for “His Justice” and “His Holy”, she prayed for Fred at work and then prayed, “Thank You God for the blessing of getting to go to such WONDERFUL places as Aunt Sarah’s and Mrs. Dunn’s. And please help Mommy to do a good job and get her work done.” Sweet.)

Here’s to hoping I do a good job and get my work done.

Oh, and I think I’ll “reward” myself with practice times at the piano as I make various goals. (Do you guys ever do that? Set goals and then give yourself little treats/rewards like getting to check email or walking the dog or whatever?)

Love ya and blessings!
– Tara B.

PS
We got to go to see The Nutcracker with our friends yesterday! It was SO FUN. I thought Sophie would grow bored after a few minutes, so I assumed we’d leave after an hour or so. But she was ENSORCELLED! Entranced. She leaned forward the entire time; kept asking about “Fritz” and “Clara” and “her Nutcracker”; had to RE-LIVE the entire thing for Fred by DANCING out the various scenes to our CDs when we got home ... even dreamed about “the bad mouse king” and “the chase sequence” (her words).

What a privilege to get to take the girls! They even worse their matching dresses (with little pink ballet shoes embroidered on them) and got cute little Clara/Nutcracker ornaments:

Boy is it FUN to have an almost-four-year-old help with Christmas decorating! She just has SO much fun with her play nativity set and her “Daddy & me” electric trains (that only come out at Christmastime) ...





'Course, it’s not bad to be a Golden Retriever around Christmastime either ...



Oh oh oh–sweet Lili! We are loving having you ... but of course Fred and I had a little cry this morning thinking about losing our sweet Choza last Christmas. Please remember to keep curly ribbon away from doggies and kitties!!!! (And warn your friends too!) What a senseless reason to lose a beloved pet–stupid ol' ribbon. (My sister Kali has banned them from our lives she was so mad that Choza died from eating them–so if you ever get a REALLY plainly-wrapped gift from the Barthels, you know why. )

Happy, Blessed Saturday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Merry Christmas from the Dancing Barthels!

(HT: PalmTreePundit! Soph loves this. Thanks, Anne!)

Do you ever stare at that pile of extra Bibles in your basement and feel GUILTY because you know that “somewhere” "out there" Christians don’t have enough Bibles? That pastors in a village share one Bible, cherish a single page, etc. etc.?

Well, I’ve felt guilty for years about this exact situation–but no more.

After checking with Fred (after all, one of the reasons why we hadn’t given them away before now was because they had sentimental value to us ... the Bible that I was given the night I was saved; a Bible from Fred’s college/Urbana days, etc.), I boxed them all up and shipped them to:

Christian Resources Incorporated

Fred and I learned about this ministry a few months ago and we’ve had enough contact with their leaders and volunteers to say that–WOW!–they are great people doing a great work for eternal reasons.

My next goal is to dig out any old sermon tapes and unused old Walkmen and box them up too–they said that old cassette players and sermon tapes would help to outfit SEMINARIES in developing nations! I could hardly believe it–those tapes have sat in my files unused, unlistened to for YEARS.

But no more.

Maybe as you think about the joy of receiving gifts this Christmas, you’ll also consider sharing–not necessarily cash (although that would be great); not something new ... just something old and unused that’s in an attic, a garage ... it’ll probably be thrown away one day or sold at a garage sale for “10 for ten cents” or something.

Seriously–we can’t even imagine how much our “junk” might mean to our brothers and sisters in Christ around the world.

(Their recent newsletter even explained how a TWENTY-YEAR OLD outdated set of ENCYCLOPEDIAS was enough for a CHRISTIAN SCHOOL to get LICENSED by a government after having tried for YEARS to get government approval. Amazing.)

Christian Resources Incorporated was founded by a junk dealer who recognized that one person’s “garbage” is another person’s TREASURE. Kind of like us, eh? We can be judged, criticized, and gracelessly rejected by the world, friends, coworkers, even our fellow church and family members ...

But God says that we are the apple of His eye.

No more dusty Bibles! Let’s get 'em out to God’s children.

Love you guys,
Tara B.

You can SHIP materials to:

Christian Resources Incorporated
PO Box 356
200 Free Street
Fowlerville, MI 48836

Oh, and I’ve learned through them that most books donated to your local rescue mission / charity are thrown away or destroyed as scrap ... so please consider, instead, sending them to Christians! They will be cherished and used for God’s glory.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! The temperature dropped, the snow fell, I had a minor anxiety attack driving on the icy roads when my tires started to give a little and I flashed back to my car accident last winter ... AND ... Sophie enjoyed snow angels and a snowy dip in our friends' hot tub ...



Sophie made a “beach” in our living room and the furriest member of the family decided that it looked pretty comfortable for her too ...



Sophie enjoyed her candy cane leggings and Golden Retriever “Christmas Joy” t-shirt from Auntie Kali ... and she regaled us with an adventurous story where Fred & I got to play parts in a play she was a ballet statue in a store, one of us was the store owner, the other person bought her as a statue and took her home but then was SO surprised when she was REAL/ALIVE (and NOT just a statue!). The plot kept evolving every time we replayed the adventure and I can honestly say that Fred and I were CRACKING UP it was so funny.



Sophie made a PIE over at her friend’s home and we ENJOYED IT with our Thanksgiving dinner:



Fred wrestled for HOURS with our “guaranteed to stay lit” (yeah, right!) Christmas tree that we splurged on last year to AVOID this very thing ... one strand has some sort of short and BLERGH! But it took HOURS to isolate the problem–and then he still couldn’t figure out how to fix it. This is what our dining room looked like at the end of the day ...

WELL ... how was your Thanksgiving?

Quoting my hubby (who reflected on this very point with me at the end of the day) ... on one level, I could report that we had some sort of a “lovely Currier & Ives day” replete with a church service, a yummy feast, and family time putting up decorations.

Seriously. That would be true. Absolutely true–but not the ENTIRE truth.

Just like one of our elders shared in our Thanksgiving church service during the prayer/praise time ... the “face” that we can so easily put “out there” for church / the world / even our friends can be “so true” and yet only a PORTION of the truth. (He shared how grateful he was for God’s compassion and forgiveness for his oft' black heart ... and especially how grateful he was for the compassion and forgiveness that his wife and children lavish on him when how he lives at HOME is so drastically different from the “face” he can put on at church or even at work.)

You know what I keep thinking? It keeps running around in my head:

Total depravity–it’s not just an idea. Not just some theological nuance. I live it and see it every single day–and if you’re honest, you do too.

But God always gives us more grace.
Grace upon grace.
Forgiveness because He is just–and His just wrath has already been poured out on Jesus.
Compassion because it is His character to be compassionate.

This is very, very good news.

I’ll go ahead and post some “Currier & Ives Pics it Aint'” photos when I have a few minutes ...
It really was a good day.
Some ups. Some downs. We were really really grouchy–AND we laughed so hard with true joy.

Sort of like life.

Hope you get some time to rest and be refreshed!

Grace to you–

With love,
Tara B.

Do you know how I always mention that I have my family’s permission to share our story whenever I give my testimony? (Because many times we can’t tell our own story without telling a portion of someone else’s story ... and without their permission and blessing, we really shouldn’t share at all?)

WELL ... I have my darling Sophia’s permission to share “just a little” of our story from this week, and so that’s what I’m going to do. But if she gives me broader permission later on, trust that I’ll fill you in even more.

The gist is that Sophie was very (VERY!) angry at one of her little friends. At the heart of it seems to be jealousy because this little girl likes ME and Sophie was feeling competitive about that.

Once it began to materialize, we (of course) talked with her; helped her to see that we ALL struggle with angry/jealous hearts at various times; prayed with her; discussed various Scriptures (like her all-time favorite NT story, The Good Samaritan, and how 1 John reminds us that “if we claim to love God and hate our friend, we are liars and the truth is not in us”) ...

We called her to repent. She was stuck in her sin and didn’t WANT to repent.

We reminded her of how much God loved her and how the way of the sinner is HARD–but God always gives us a way out of our sin.

We explained that in the Church, as Christians, we absolutely do NOT have a choice to remain angry. That unity and love for neighbor are NOT optional.

She remained bitter and unrepentant.

We reminded her that ALL friendships have conflicts and hurts. That Mommy sometimes is hurt by Auntie Samara or Auntie Kali. That Daddy and Mommy fight. (She enthusiastically nodded her head at that one. Ouch.)

But that we ALWAYS persevere in love. We always forgive. We don’t give up on one another.

She softened, but STILL remained angry and unwilling to forgive and love her friend. And so we explained that if she persisted in her anger, she would be disciplined because it was THAT important of an issue.

(You understand that this conversation was ongoing over DAYS, right? And that we had known something was wrong for WEEKS but it didn’t come to a head–i.e., she didn’t begin to actually TALK with us and PROCESS it with us–until last Sunday.)

ANYWAY ... today Sophie spent the day with her little friend. Her mom and I had talked and visited and she was 100% on board with the entire situation and was committed to working with Sophie to help her remember the gospel, turn from her sin, and grow a more loving relationship with her little friend again.

I CAN’T TELL YOU ANY MORE DETAILS YET. (I will honor Sophie’s request to only tell a portion of our story.)

But I can tell you that it was a very good day.
AND that my heart just overflows with gratitude to go through life in the Body.
The imperfect, oft-hurtful, filled with fellow messed-up Christians CHURCH.

I am so grateful for REAL friends!
Friends who love Jesus and love me and love my daughter–and help us BOTH.
I’m just SO SO SO grateful.

Oh, and I spent the day COOKING.
Yup.
Sweet potatoes and stuffing and rolls with YEAST and desserts with PUNKINS and the whole bit.
All with my saint, sweet, brilliant, FUNNY, incredibly interesting, makes everything feel do-able and not so scary friend Linda.

I’ll try to remember to take a pic of our dinner tomorrow.
OH how FAR we have gone from our (first, what, 8 or 9 YEARS of married life???) traditional THANKSGIVING FROZEN PIZZAS!!

Grace abounds.

Happy, Blessed Thanksgiving, all!

With much, much love,
Tara B.

Oh my STARS! Do you want to hear a GREAT sermon on Christian marriage? One that will make you cringe with self-realization, LAUGH OUT LOUD because the pastor is SO REAL and TRANSPARENT about his own struggles in marriage, and WORSHIP GOD because you will be reminded of how great and lavish is the grace of God in Jesus Christ?!?

Check out the sermon from our church service two days ago:

"The Heart of Christian Marriage" by Pastor Jason Barrie

Fred and I went in for counseling with Pastor Jason yesterday and ... well ... all I can say is thank God that we have such a shepherd. Younger than us. Yup. Struggles too? Of course. Our friend? He is our friend ... but he is also our Pastor. He takes his ordination vows seriously and his wife and children sacrifice so that they are participating in his ministry too.

I’m always amazed at how much he puts up with in me. How he perseveres with me. How many times he has wept and laughed and struggled with me—all while Fred is there, persevering and weeping and crying and laughing and struggling too.

Thanks, Pastor Jason! For everything.
(Oh–and great sermon. )

Love to all,
Tara B.

PS
Just to tempt you with some of his sermon points ...

- Many say that conflicts in marriage come from “unmet needs.” But God says that they come from UNCONTROLLED WANTS.

- Our desires deceive us and distort our perspective. (A great indicator of when our desires are distorting our perspective is when we are really defensive when someone tries to talk with us about something.)

- Our desires de-throne God. ("I’m always RIGHT when we play by MY rules." “You don’t perform up to my standards? YOU LOSE. I win. I get to kill you with my words and my attitude.”)

- The gospel changes us. God is calling us to repent. Be convicted, yes. But be comforted! God does not give up on us–He always gives us more grace. Flee to your gracious Savior!

I ordered some crafts for our church’s little pre-K co-op class and one of the items was actually a “grab bag” of a TON of little crafts.

I’ve combed through them for the ones that I think are appropriate for pre-K (lots of gluing involved!) and I’m left with six or so SETS (most make 10 or 12 items) of crafts that make ornaments, beads on pins, cross-stitch ... or are just too detailed/small for pre-k children.

I’d be happy to throw them in a box and ship them off to any of you if you think they might be fun for your Sunday school class, group, or just for bigger kid playdates. (Maybe they could keep your children occupied AND provide a ministry for them for Advent–giveaways to nursing homes, homeless shelter, etc??)

Just email me and let me know!

Happy Tuesday,
Tara B.

Not feeling ANYTHING profound this morning .... just grateful to have a warm home while Montana is blanketed with much-needed snow. (We’ll take moisture any way we can get it.)

Thought you might enjoy some pics from Soph’s first gymnastics team show ...



And proof that I really DID tackle yeast in 2007 (it wasn’t even that scary! I don’t know what I’ve been all worked up over all these years!) ...





Oh, and I tried to lay out what my little table will look like for our church’s Christmas brunch. (Can you believe it? I’M going to be responsible for laying out a frilly/fancy/ritzy table for eight women at a Christmas brunch! This is SO not me!! But I really am EAGER to TRY and to serve them well/provide some nice environs for their fellowship and fun.)

This is where I’m at currently (there will be a white linen tablecloth provided) ...



And I was thinking of getting little tiny candles too. Do you guys have other ideas? Suggestions for improvement?

Last pic ... my starlet on the way to the gymnastics show. What a great age! Thank God for the privilege of being a Momma.



Hope your week is off to an OK start. I was forgiven yesterday, so that was great. I had the privilege of disciplining Sophia yesterday–and then reveling in the forgiveness we BOTH have in Christ, so that was–as always–such a grace! And someone I love who had hurt me deeply asked me to forgive him. Not only was it good (so good) to forgive him ... his confession only elevated him even more in the eyes of my husband and myself. We only respect him even more now–and we respected him a lot before then. Plus, it’s just so good to be reconciled!

May we “live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Amen and Amen

Blessed Tuesday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Totally cracked up at friend/prayer time this morning (we’re trying Mondays now) ...

One friend saw these sayings on magnets at an airport this weekend (returning from our denomination’s missions conference):

You don’t scare me. I have children.

(AND)

Speak the truth and exit quickly.

Ahhhhh ... hysterical. And SPOT ON.

Hope your Monday is off to a great start!
I touched YEAST last night. Photos and everything when I get a spare minute.

Blessings and joy,
Tara B.

No, this is not a post about making an idol out of food. (Although that does remind me that I haven’t posted about that topic for awhile, have it? Hmmmmmmmm ... I’ll try to remember to do that. It’s been a fairly sweet season of not being at my WORST regarding this habitual temptation to sin but not being “perfectly” disciplined either. Kind of like life, eh?)

ANYWAY ... this post is an encouragement for you all to pop on over to Ravi Zacharias Ministries ("RZIM") and read a recent Slice of Infinity:

The Ultimate Diet (by J.M. Njoroge)

Oh my! But the opening illustration is (appropriately) disturbing! But the entire essay is such a well-written reminder for us all that I urge you to check it out.

I’ll tempt you with just a few lines:

"The problem is that many consistent churchgoers do not have a comprehensive, steadfast biblical foundation for their faith. The rugged discipline of critical, theological reflection for a mature application of the faith in all aspects of life has all but vanished from some of our pulpits, and, as a result, many in our churches are defenseless against the onslaught of worldviews, behaviors and other cultural trends inimical to our faith ...

In stark contrast, the apostle Paul envisions a church community in which gifted leaders equip God’s people towards unity and maturity in their knowledge of Christ so that they (the people) can do the work of the ministry. If we run the church this way, “we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming” (Ephesians 4:14). The Christian life is neither a call to legalism nor a call to lawlessness; it is a call to true, lasting transformation of the whole person ...

If we don’t learn to feed properly and consistently on the reality of God’s Kingdom delineated in his Word, we leave ourselves quite vulnerable to the never-tiring enemy of our souls whose time-tested skills at feeding unprotected, hungry mouths are unequalled."

Oh! How I love this daily devotional. It is the ONLY one I subscribe to. (Who has time to read one more thing? I do for this!)

You can sign up here. Oh, and I even give them my REAL email address because I have never received ANY spam from them and never even one solicitation from them. Sweet.

OK–off to the gym and then onto church! Ahhhhh, Sunday. The best day of the week!

Yours,
Tara B.

Woke up GROUCHY and MAD.
Can’t even remember why–but ERGH. What a state my heart is in.

Trying to, you know, pray.
But really just feeling stress, anxiety ... worry? Maybe. But wouldn’t that entail knowing WHAT I’m worrying ABOUT?

I’m going to the gym now while I have the chance before Fred leaves for men’s prayer breakfast at 7:00.

Here’s hoping that the endorphins will be a grace to push me in the direction of faith and right worship, eh?

Hope you woke up in a MUCH better mood!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Hmmmmmmmm ... as I type this, some things are coming to my mind:

- I had a HORRIBLY sad, stressful dream where Fred and I left Sophie at home ALONE for like five minutes while we ran to the post office. (Which we would NEVER EVER do!!) And when we returned, she was standing at the window, looking for us, CRYING. Break a Momma’s heart!! Even just a stupid ol' subconscious dream.

- I also had a very stressful dream where I was rejected by my church leaders. Publicly. Shamefully. Ooooooh ... it was nasty. Fred was there trying to figure out how to help me, but there was nothing that could be done. It was just awful.

- I think my efforts to serve some friends and families and be “social” this week MAY have tipped me over a bit into the “INTROVERT COULD USE SOME ALONE TIME AT HOME WITH HER KID AND DOG AND HUSBAND” place. I think maybe I won’t tackle all of those errands today. Maybe just some quiet time at home, eh?

Hey! THANKS for being my “therapy”!

Can’t repent of something if I don’t even know what it is.
Can’t believe Truth regarding something if I don’t even see what falsehoods I’m believing.
Can’t give myself a break (i.e., RE: NASTY OL' STUPID DREAMS) if I don’t even remember I had 'em.

So, thanks blogging buds! Off to the gym now–
t

One of my goals during my “home for two months straight!” season is to get to the gym every morning. By God’s grace, I can report an enthusiastic (and grateful) “Check!” to that to-do list item.

Another goal has been to cook (REALLY cook–like with a RECIPE and measuring stuff and applying heat and EVERYTHING–just like a “real person”) at least TWO DINNERS a week. (I know that might not sound like a big deal to a lot of (most?) of you ... but to me, it’s like climbing Mt. Everest.) If I make two meals, that’s really at least four if not five meals with leftovers (since there are only 3 us) ... and then I can “fill in the gaps” for the week.

Week one? “Check!” (Hooray! Hooray!)

And because I thought it might make the more cookbook/apron-phobic (like me!!!) ones of you smile a bit, I snapped a couple pictures of one of the two meals I made this week:



Another goal (MUST DO, actually) is to get the DVD study guide wrapped and to the amazing graphic design gal AND check the videos (if they call get done by the brilliant video guy) ... and I MIGHT have a plan for actually doing that! Two friends have offered to let Sophie play at their homes on various days so that I can work uninterrupted. AMAZING! AMAZING! And RIGHT after I posted my whiney complainy post too. Blergh. Wish my sin hadn’t squirted all out first! But SO grateful for their kindness and that I know there is forgiveness because of Christ.

I’ll close by wishing you all a blessed, happy Friday! And I’ll stick some pictures below from our adventures at our dear friends' ranch yesterday.

Love to all,
Tara B.

Obligatory stop at the super-cool (actually warm in the winter) Root Cellar!



Bales of hay are HUGE! (And a little scary with the 60 mph winds.)



But that’s perfect (??) weather for flying a kite in Big Sky Country! (Just don’t let go!!!)



Is it possible? Do we REALLY get to ...



Ride a horse!!





By the way–if you’ve never seen a REAL WORKING DOG work a herd of cattle? Well ... I have to tell you ... it’s AMAZING. Even the “head bull” (this HUGE animal) submitted to this teeny tiny (sweet as PECAN PIE to us!) dog, Hanke. (Like “Hank the Cow Dog” but with an “e” because she’s a girl! ) She runs in and out of that herd, nips at heels, and seriously? Will clamp onto a steer’s NOSE if she has to in order to get him to do what she wants. We never actually saw it come to that, though, because they ALL obeyed her. Absolutely amazing.

And she was having a BLAST! This is hanging file folders and to-do-lists for cowdogs, I tell ya'. Totally her happy place.

Just a quick reminder that my EMAIL WAS BROKEN/dead/KAPUTSKIE for an indeterminate amount of time last week ... so if you put in an event inquiry, order, or emailed me for any reason, pretty please RESEND IT. Seriously. Our (shame on them!) email service provider said, “Sorry. We can’t recover any of the messages you lost because of OUR mess up changing systems.” Bummer!

Anyway–please do resend if you’d like me to know about it.

Also ... Sophie’s fifteen minutes of fame have been reduced by another two SECONDS! She got to have a teeny-tiny little part in a television commercial for hospital scrubs:



Fun fun fun! Life is an adventure, eh?

Hope you’re having a great day–

Love ya,
Tara B.

PS
Also had a few sweet photos at violin lessons today that I thought you might enjoy ...

Isn’t it amazing how much we all struggle with the same things?

Rich or poor, single/married, working outside of the home or working within the home ...

I could be in a detox center or a board room or my child’s schoolroom and the fact is that I would still be there. Me.

Struggling with similar feelings of inadequacy.
Wanting to “be better” and “fit in” and “do a good job” and “serve well” and “NOT FAIL.”

Striving to remember something TRUE about God
and about myself
(and my situation/the people around me).

Circumstances may be different–but the heart is really the same, isn’t it?

Created to worship.
Satisfied and at rest (even in the storm!) when worshiping GOD.
Restless, anxious, angry when living for anything or anyone other than God.

LONGING for security, love, friendship, “belonging-ness.”
Only finding it in the One Who made a way for our wretched, vile sin to be ultimately and forever dealt with ...

Who made a way for us to be forgiven. Justified.
And a way for us to be CHANGED. Sanctified.
All while we are ADOPTED as beloved children and given all of the rights of HEIRS!

I mean ... seriously ... wouldn’t it be GOOD ENOUGH to just be FORGIVEN? Of course! To not have to spend eternity in HELL? Amazing! Incredible!

But then to also be BELOVED while we GROW in this life?
SECURE in the fact that our adoption can never be (and WILL never be!) “un-done”?

(Because, as Sophie explained on Monday–when we were coming up with hypotheticals to explain the words “vile” and “wicked” that were in her Psalm of the day: “Mommas DON’T tell their children, ”Get away from me! I don’t love you any more! THAT would be VILE!" That’s right, dear. That WOULD be vile and wicked because Mommas LOVE their babies! That’s what Mommas do.)

And if even we who are wicked love our children and give them good gifts? Well ... surely our Heavenly Father–Who is PERFECT!–can never go back on His Word, break His covenant, or STOP LOVING HIS CHILDREN.

Do we deserve His love? No way! We deserve His wrath.
But His wrath has been SPENT on Jesus. His wrath has been fully satisfied–

And now we get to belong.
To Him.
Forever.

Let us rejoice in our salvation, dear ones!
May we worship God and ENJOY the reflections of HOME that come in this life–true friendship, kindness, those moments when our hearts cry out “Thank You!”

But oh! Let us NOT live for (worship!) them. Otherwise, we’re going to end up anxious and angry.

Oops! 6:23AM ... must run to friend/prayer group.
(You all know what I mean when I say that, right?)

Love ya and God bless!
– Tara B.

PS
Hooray for hormone shifts UP too! Yes, yes. I’m sure you COULD track my blog postings of despair and sorrow to hope and happiness/blessedness TRULY with a 29-33 day cycle.

Today’s iGoogle C.S. Lewis Quote:

"Authority exercised with humility, and obedience accepted with delight are the very lines along which our spirits live."

Just a few more fun pics from our most recent Chicago adventure ...

The Millennium Park “Chicago Bean” (fine art thinga-ma-jiggy)



Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ... a facial & makeover at State Street Macy’s!



Date night with Fred–BOX SEATS (courtesy my sistah Kali and “her Fred”) to Orchestra Hall to hear the Chicago Symphony Orchestra AND Chorus. “Box F for Fred” my Freddy said.



Star Show at the Adler Planetarium! Dinosaurs at the Field Museum! Fun fun fun …



Ferris Wheel on Navy Pier! Is it any wonder why we love this city?

If you tried to email me or if you put in an event inquiry form or a conciliation inquiry form in the last week, PLEASE resend it.

I JUST found out that my EMAIL WAS DOWN!!! And there is no way to recover the lost messages.

Ugh. Ugh. Double ugh.

Oh–and if you gave me your email address in Missouri two weeks ago and did NOT receive an email from me, please let me know! I worked hard to send those all out right about the time my email (apparently) fritzed out.

Thanks and SO SORRY for the inconvenience!

Yours,
Tara B.

SO funny (humbling) ...

OF COURSE as soon as I post my whining post, immediately friend after friend comes to mind:

- KG taking Sophie (on top of a HOUSE FULL of her own kids!) so I could hide out in her basement for an hour and finish something on the dvd project with a hard deadline.

- SP opening her heart and her home to us over and over again ... I can’t even tell you what this woman has meant to me.

- KV talking / listening / crying / brainstorming / LAUGHING LAUGHING LAUGHING (really laughing a lot!!) with me over and over again.

- Praying with KG & KV & PM & AD each week. Really. They have been such faithful encouragers. (See! What an inaccurate whiner I was in my previous post.)

I’m sure I could go on and on.

Isn’t it WEIRD how our FEELINGS can swing and change and be so stinkin' inaccurate at times?
I’m so grateful for repentance and forgiveness!

(Oh–and I’m sure that my hormone swing back up is helping too! I’m either definitely getting my period OR I’m pregnant again ... remember the last pregnancy I SWORE my period was coming during the second day of taping for the video series but then nothing after a bit in the morning and that positive pregnancy test the next day. But I’m really thinking it’s the former this time.)

ANYWAY ...

We’re off to bedtime routine after I box up some orders for you Missouri gals.

G'nite & God bless,
Tara B.

So I reached out to someone for help and received a resounding, “Sorry, nope.”

I was not surprised–but I was sad.
Not so much because I won’t be receiving the help that I really, really could use right now.
But more so because it was a reminder of how incredibly ALONE I so often feel.

I didn’t even know why it hurt so bad at first ... but as I talked it out with Fred, I quickly understood that while (of course) I understood why this person would say no ... it just felt like another in a long line of “no's” – especially related to my efforts to serve in any way beyond my (primary!) sphere of service (Fred, Sophie, our local church, our local community).

- I’m not associated with any ministry–so I receive no oversight, support, or encouragement that way.

- I have no official or unofficial role with my church–I’ve never taught anything there; most people don’t know me (although I continue to try to work on hospitality!); I have no outlet for service via music (those piano years are so far behind me now) ... and although we receive great shepherding care regarding our personal lives, our elders have made it clear that they’re not really interested in/available to help very much beyond that.

- It probably sounds really stupid, but I just don’t have any friends who take a real interest in what I do re: teaching/conciliating. And that’s really OK! I love that when I’m home, I really AM Fred’s wife and Sophie’s mom and our relationships are based around those roles for me and my service/encouragement to them in their life roles. But sometimes I just CRAVE real conversation with real friends about these things. (And oh how I would just LOVE IT if I could have even one or two friends who thought, “Hey! I could HELP Tara with this stuff. I could take Sophie for a couple of hours or help with other things when she is crazy busy.” But instead, I just have to find the money to pay people to help.)

Fred and I have talked for YEARS about asking a few women (and maybe a man or two??) to serve as a “friend/board” to counsel/advise/help us.

(But of course, I assume that a) no one would be interested; and b) I’d ask people and they’d say, “Sorry, nope.” And then I’d have to relive all of these icky/lonely/rejected feelings again.)

So where does that leave me?

Well ... first of all, I am repenting.
What a selfish woman I am!!
And WHAT a whiner!!

I don’t have much support? Give me a BREAK.
I have the world’s most loving husband and that is WAY more than many (most?) women have.

PLUS–I have the financial means (by God’s grace!) to pay someone to help with things ... so it’s really time to get off of the ol' pity-pot-Tara-whiny-fest, eh?

Also, I have great, great friends ... friends who love me, pray for me, and counsel me well. They’re just not really into talking about speaking invitations, dvd projects, or arbitration cases. Who can blame them?

Sometimes I wonder, though, if perhaps this is just one more indication that I should STOP doing anything beyond wifedom and motherhood?
(Or maybe it’s just a good reminder to persevere and stop being a whiner?)

Whatever the case, in our conversation about all this, Fred said something that really stuck out:

"Tara, most of us don’t have any encouragers."

I think it stuck out because 1) it’s SO not in line with Hebrews 10 (calling us to ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER!); 2) it’s so TRUE; and 3) it was SUCH a great reminder of why I strive–truly strive–to minister to and encourage the people around me. I really want to be the card-sending-remembers-to-call friend inasmuch as the Lord so allows.

SO ... off to help a friend with a project!
And then gymnastics! Fun fun fun. Truly.

Hope you’re doing well–

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Oh–and since I think my monthly thing started today, I bet I’ll be feeling a lot better about everything in say, 3 to 5 all-done-with-PMS-days?

As we were waiting on the airplane at the gate Saturday night, Sophie was (as usual) devouring the safety card from the “seatback in front of you.” (She loves that thing! Has it memorized. Can tell you exactly what needs to be done in case of an emergency, right down to removing your shoes and JUMPING onto the slide (not scootching onto it) and how mommies put THEIR masks on first “before assisting others.” Anything with one of those little pictures? She’s ON it.)

Sophie is very funny about safety stuff. She’s a happy, dancing, giggling little kid and she’ll pretty much try anything as long as her “Safe Side Adult” says it’s wise. But she also listens SO attentively to things and reads EVERYTHING.

(Here’s another example – Fred took her downtown in Chicago last week via the el. ("Elevated Train"–our subway system only it’s above ground/elevated.) She asked him to read ALL of the little safety signs by the door and actually listened to the safety announcements there too. (Honestly? I didn’t even know they had safety announcements, so soundly have I blocked them all these years.) So after Navy Pier, the huge ferris wheel, the Children’s Museum, etc., she came home to my sister’s and told us ALL about ... well ... how you don’t EVER touch the tracks ("because they have ELECTRICITY!"), how you usually stay in your car, but if there is an emergency, it is OK to move to another train car, etc. etc. So funny–and quirky.

But THIS little comment (made while we were on the plane at the gate on the runway) truly ministered to me ...

She was watching a repairman do something with the WING of the plane next to us and then she said:

"Look, Mom! That man is fixing the airplane!" (So I asked her whether she thought that just ONE person could work hard and keep us safe and make a plane FLY. She replied ...)

“No! It takes a whole TEAM!” (We talk a lot about teams / team effort / persevering in our home.)

“That’s right,” I said. “Hundreds of people work SO HARD to keep us safe and make the plane fly.”

“Yes,” Sophie said. “But ULTIMATELY it is GOD who keeps us safe. Right, Mom?”

Yes. Yes. Ultimately, it is always God.

Good reminder, dear. Thanks! You bless your Momma more than you could ever imagine.

OK. 6:30AM. Off to the gym. (I’m home for two months so there are really no excuses for me not to work out!)

Remember–it is ultimately GOD Who is with you.
No harm can befall you but your sovereign, good God so allows.
He is trustworthy.
Yay, though He slay me–

Amen?
Amen!

Happy, Blessed Monday to you!

With love,
Tara B.

Sophia and I had a lovely evening of travel home last night ... no delays, free upgrades to first class, and a sleeping muffin tater next to me (after reading & mosaics on the first flight) so I could actually get caught up on a few emails and get a little work done too. Nice.

But there WAS a problem ... Sophia is HUGE. Such a big girl! Yes, she’s still a skinny minny ... but she’s a STRONG skinny minny. All muscle. And I just could NOT carry her (dead sound asleep) AND her bitty baby bag and my laptop bag too. Nope. No way.

So after our first flight, I sat in the “waiting for a cart” chairs, Sophia absolutely sound asleep on my lap, bags all around me. But there was no cart. And no cart. And NO cart.

Hmmmmmmmm ... what to do. What to do. I really couldn’t walk the 20 gates carrying everything.

And then, CHIVALRY! It’s not dead. Really!

A very kind young pilot (yes, yes, you know you’re old when DOCTORS and PILOTS are CLEARLY younger than you!) approached me and asked if I needed help. I explained my plight and he said he would be happy to carry Sophia if I could roll our bags.

And so we made the transfer. Soph kept sleeping away on his uniform and he walked us 20 gates (the wrong direction for him–he was WAY to kind to say so, of course, but I knew) just to help out. I asked if he was a dad and he said no. So I said, “You must be a beloved UNCLE!” And he was.

Isn’t kindness just wonderful?! I truly hope that I walk through my daily life–grocery store, Target, at the park ... with kindness. And I help Sophie to live that way too.

(My mom always told me how kind HER mother was–always looking for the person to help, aware that the people around her were actually PEOPLE–and I have to say, in many ways, my mom was often that way too.)

So THEN–our next flight, same problem, only now she’s even MORE asleep because it’s like MIDNIGHT. And there was a DIFFERENT (still very young!) pilot in first with us. You know, I never ever would’ve asked him had the first gentleman not been so kind ... but bolstered by the first experience, I asked if he might carry Sophia while I did our bags.

No problem! So away we went again–this time, she was tucked into a nice leather flight jacket. She looked very comfortable as we made it down the escalator to a smiling Fred.

Ahhhhhhh! Chivalry. A little reflection of the good in a God-ordered creation, eh?

Hope you enjoy a blessed Sabbath–

Yours,
Tara B.

We had a GREAT two days in the city. Truly. Will post more when I can.

I think I’m ready to name another one of Fred’s and my fights. (Do you guys remember what our “FIGHT 37” is???)

This is the one where, hypothetically, I know we need either a) a big box OR b) a new rollaboard suitcase to get all of our “Chicago adventures” / borrowed clothing from my sister treasures home ...

And I ask Fred (at the hotel this morning) to either get a) packing tape OR b) a new rollaboard suitcase (because I eat through them with my travel schedule anyway, might as well get one now) ...

I KNOW that we have TIME in the morning of fun to do one of those two things ... but we WON’T have time in the afternoon of “Momma has to get us unpacked from the hotel, REPACKED for the trip home on two airlines, etc. etc.”

And, of course, we end up running a BIT late with a FEW unexpected timing problems and a) NO packing tape AND b) NO new suitcase.

So here is one of the worst feelings in the world (and one that brings out a LOT of James 4 “not gentle speech!!”:

1. Having the RESPONSIBILITY for something; and
2. Having neither the AUTHORITY nor the POWER to make it happen.

Ugh. Blugh. Blech. Ick.

Oh well.
Things are packed–hope they make it home.

Fred’s on his flight and we’re leaving for ours in about 20 minutes.
I’m all confessed up (for my grouchy attitude and disrespectful tone of voice) AND all forgiven.

So away we go!

I’ll try to post some more pics when I can ...
Here’s to hoping for uneventful flights.

Happy, blessed Saturday!

Love ya bunches,
Tara B.

(From December 2006 ... I can’t IMAGINE a better thing to listen to as we head into the holidays ... especially re: comparisons/competitions/relationships.)

Wanting to be Her (Annmarie Hamling’s message at our church’s Christmas brunch)

(Originally posted in May, I’m on a TECHNOLOGY BREAK for a few days so I can’t do any new posts. I’ll schedule a couple and check in on Saturday or Sunday when we get home. )

Refusing to Forgive

After waking up in a REALLY grouchy, grouchy state of mind (I’d blame it on PMS, but I know that the problem is actually my HEART and that special time of the month just BRINGS IT OUT OF ME more easily!!!) ...

I had two really sweet things happen to me:

1. When I started to get a little cross with Sophie while we were doing this incredibly complex, SPHERE-SHAPED, 240 piece, 3-D jigsaw puzzle that would be hard for, you know, COLLEGE GRADUATES (and Sophie is still not quite four years old) ... I quickly apologized to her for having a grouchy spirit and not being very friendly and she replied:

"I forgive you, Mom, In fact, I already OVERLOOKED YOU."

(Ahhhhh–it’s good to be “overlooked” like this, isn’t it? Proverbs 19:11 ... “A man’s wisdom gives him patience it is to his glory to overlook at offense.” Good job unilaterally forgiving Momma, Soph!)

2. I was looking up shipping information on a recent Amazon.com order and I saw that someone named, “L. Lazier” had left a REALLY encouraging review of our book, Peacemaking Women. If you read this, L. Lazier–please know how much I appreciate that you took the time to write such a sweet and edifying review! Truly. If anyone ever wants to encourage me AND if you think our book is fair-to-middlin' OK, please do take thirty seconds and write a review.

But OK. That leads up to our BIG OL' FIGHT this morning, eh?

Yes, yes ... I always encourage parents to go ahead and have (APPROPRIATE) “difficult conversations/fights” in front of their children because that’s how kids see that grownups have conflicts too and God is faithful to help us to work through them (just like kids). I also truly believe that the only way kids will grow up prepared to face their own conflicts in marriage one day is if they have a realistic (and REDEMPTIVE) view of the fact that, even their best friend / deeply in love / covenantally committedly married parents FIGHT.

So there we were ... hurt, misunderstood, defensive ... even raised voices (and beleive me, getting Fred to raise his voice is neither an EASY nor a FREQUENT thing). Soph was watching and listening to us and when there was a pause, she said:

"I don’t like how you are talking to Mommy, Daddy. And I don’t like how you are talking to Daddy, Mommy. I don’t like this." (So then she prayed ...) "Please, God, help Daddy and Mommy to use a more RESPECTFUL tone of voice. Amen."

And so we did.

Still more to be discussed, of course, but Fred & Kali & Sophie are taking in the Children’s Museum while I try to get some writing done this afternoon.

I’m grateful for forgiveness!
And praying that you are experiencing both sweetness and forgiveness today too.

God bless!
– Tara B.

The fun continues on our family vacation in Chicago ...



We’ve enjoyed some lovely ballet dancing ...



And a trip to SUPERDAWG (a Chicago landmark since 1948 ) ...

OH! How I ENJOYED my time serving in St Louis this past weekend.

It was such an honor to serve the leaders of this church on Thursday night. (Don’t you just LOVE prayerful, interesting, thoughtful, challenging conversation where your mind has to REALLY be engaged and your heart is loving GOD and loving NEIGHBOR all at the same time? I do! I really do.)

What an honor to even have the possibility of helping these men who so sincerely want to lead and shepherd their church well ... but who really haven’t had much training in biblical counseling, biblical peacemaking, and (church governance/polity/discipline) eldership. They are asking questions, seeking knowledge and wisdom, and truly striving to grow.

And my time teaching the women? Well, let me just say that (as usual) I am always the first one to be TEMPTED to think that “why did I say THAT” and “why oh WHY did I miss THAT in my notes”?!? BUT ... God gives us more grace, right? And even I (crazy ol' Tara) have learned after, say, a few hundred times of doing this to rest and trust and submit it all to God (the good, the bad, and the ugly).

But my time with the ladies was SWEET–as were meals and coffees visiting with even more people. Even my (tempted to be relationally exhausted!) introverted-little-self cries out, “THANK YOU for the opportunity to serve like this!”

Honestly. I could just never merit it. I KNOW I don’t deserve the opportunity to serve. I never assume I’ll EVER receive another invitation to serve. And in many ways, I am the LEAST likely person to serve. But then I laugh a little and rest in just praying and doing my best and trusting that GOD is responsible for the results.

(PLUS, I chuckle at the tiny role I play in being the MESSED UP person who POINTS TO all of the (still messed up but MUCH MORE MATURE/WISE than me) great and godly men and women at The Christian Counseling and Education Foundation and Peacemaker Ministries ... all of whom are dedicated to lifting up JESUS and serving the LOCAL CHURCH so that the world might believe that the Father sent the Son and the Father loves them.)

Anyway, anyway ... TWO QUOTES from the weekend have stuck with me and I’ve been meaning to post 'em for you, so here goes:

- After remarking to the senior pastor’s wife that, of course, I just say the same thing over and over again wherever I go, whatever I write, however I serve. (Gospel! Gospel! Gospel!) She encouraged me to not worry about it because, as her husband says all the time as he prepares his sermons,

"Hey! If it’s NEW, it’s probably HERESY."

- I spent a few HOURS with one of the church leaders and his wife–both of whom obviously have a strong love for God and PEOPLE and both of whom (at least to my “only got to spend a few hours with them” eyes) have natural gifts/humility/wisdom/God-centered-eternal-focus appropriate for being PEACEMAKERS in their church. This precious couple absolutely LONGS to encourage genuine, authentic, redemptive, GOSPEL-INFUSED RELATIONSHIPS in their own lives and the lives of their fellow church members. So I was particularly LAUGHING HARD when the husband pumped his fist in the sky and said that the MOTTO of Christian relationship is SO OFTEN,

"Keep it SUPERFICIAL BABY!!!"

How right he is.
AND how hard he made me laugh.

OK ... Soph is starting to stir and we’re going to head into our day here in Chicago.

Hope you can REST and TRUST GOD as you enjoy your Tuesday!

With love,
Tara B.

Hooray for #1731 on my little poor-man's-software-ADDRESS-spreadsheet! That randomly chosen number means that MARTHA F. from my women’s event this past weekend wins a PRIZE.

'Course I’m not home so I can’t send anything out until next week ...

But congrats & I promise to ship you something as soon as we get back to Montana.

Love ya,
Tara B.

We’re having FUN FUN FUN with family here in the Midwest ...

Sophie LOVES to be with Grandma Chris in the (beautiful!) FARMLANDS of northern Illinois!



And it’s TOO MUCH FUN to be with our favorite littlest cousin, Elizabeth, in the fort they built with Uncle Paul, Aunt Janet, and cousins Emily & Samuel ...



Our celebration of three birthdays (Auntie Kali, Grandma Kathy & Grandpa Charlie) and my mom & dad’s tenth anniversary of sobriety was a blast last night!



And so far today we have enjoyed Sophie’s dancing, cuddles, singing, mosaics, coloring, AND READING OUT LOUD!



I have a huge writing project due today and I’m hoping to spend some more time with my mom and Charlie before they have to take off tomorrow ... so I hope to post more substantive blogs again one of these days.

God bless and Happy Monday!

Yours,
Tara B.

I check Taylor Lynde’s ebay listings every day because it is just SO edifying AND I love seeing what my best friend’s (Samara’s) husband is painting.

Today, I was overwhelmed with how beautiful a painting was:

October Pastoral with Willows

Seriously. Check out the STEALS that are available through TJ’s ebay listings. If you visited one of the galleries that carries his work you’d see price tags into the thousands ... and some of these ORIGINAL paintings go for $100 or LESS!

OK. Just to tempt you to look ... here is the painting that I loved today:



And here is William (Scout’s brother) out painting it with his dad ...



How sweet it THAT? I can’t even IMAGINE being able to create such beauty.

Thank God for His good gifts given to the Body!
For God’s glory and for our good.

Hope you enjoy a wonderful Saturday–

Love in Christ,
Tara B.

Well ... I finally did it. I have officially changed my homepage over to iGoogle.com.

I’ve subscribed to the RSS feeds for all of you bloggers that I read regularly (and that HAVE rss feeds on your blogs).

The headlines and columnists I like to read? Added.

Search tools I use? Got 'em.

AND I took two minutes and organized them all ... FINALLY.

I’ve been hearing about how great iGoogle is
And I’ve KNOWN that I should do it (rather than just putting up with my lame Yahoo page that 90% of the stuff is outdated/unused/never even looked at).

And finally–sitting here in my completely darkened hotel room ...
with my migraine (I think!) GONE (I’ll know for sure when I try to get up and/or turn on a light) ...
five minutes before I need to get showered and head into my night ...
IT’S DONE.

Hooray!

Do any of you guys use iGoogle?
Wow. This almost feels as good as when I archive my hanging file folders 2X/year and shred shred shred / archive archive archive our family’s necessary paperwork.

Happy Friday!

Love,
Tara B.

PS
Our DEAR friend stopped by on Wednesday and blessed our socks off AND Sophie made her a beautiful Mosaic:



And then dictated a super-funny (to me anyway) story for her involving a cat, two genies (one gets caught in a closet–WITH THE LIGHT OFF!–and the other gets frozen in an ice cube), and a nap:



And my (wonderful) pastor and his wife went to the Reformation Day Party as Samson & Delilah:



AND we had TWO Dorothy’s to play with our Dalmatian:



What a good life. A great life. I am a blessed, blessed woman.

Thanks to BrittleCrazyGlass, I discovered a series of posts on Mark Driscoll’s Blog under the title of “Death by Ministry.”

(I also read a VERY convicting post about being too tied to technology (email / cell phone / BlueTooth) especially around our children!)

Anyway ... I thought that a few EXCERPTS from his series might tempt you to visit his blog and read them all. I really hope you will!

Please think about how these apply to YOU, to YOUR SPOUSE (a lot of this advice specifically for people in FULLTIME ministry apply to HOMEMAKERS (who are in fulltime ministry, aren’t we?!?), and especially to your CHURCH LEADERS (and their wives too!).

I assume he might keep on adding more (I found up to “part 11”) ... here are just a few lines from what he wrote:

1. How do successful leaders manage their lives?

- From 1978 to 1984, Bill Gates took only 6 days off.

- Carlos Ghosn (CEO of Renault and Nissan) has an assistant screen all emails and documents, will not allow a meeting to exceed 90 minutes, splits meeting time into half presentation and half discussion, and has to have at least 6 hours of sleep and his weekends off.

- Marissa Mayer (VP at Google) gets 700 to 800 emails a day, sometimes spends 14 hours straight on Saturdays and Sundays catching up on email, and has learned to live on 4–6 hours of sleep a night.

- A. G. Lafley (Chairman, President, and CEO of Proctor & Gamble) takes a 5–15 minute walking break every hour or hour and a half to refresh, eats 5–6 smaller meals a day to manage his glycemic levels, prefers conversations to emails, works some on weekends, focuses on developing leaders, and spends time each day meditating.

- Amy W. Schulman (Partner of DLA Piper) has one assistant from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. and a second from 4 p.m. to midnight, wakes up between 5 a.m. and 6 a.m., arrives at the office around 8 a.m., gets home around 7:30 p.m., is online doing her 600 daily emails until midnight, has two cell phones from two carriers to ensure constant coverage, and tries to turn off her cell phone and BlackBerry during meals and in movie theaters.

2. How healthy are pastors and their families?

- Eighty percent of pastors and eighty-four percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their role as pastors.

- Fifty percent of pastors are so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could, but have no other way of making a living.

- Fifty percent of pastors' marriages will end in divorce.

- Eighty percent of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years.

- Eighty percent of pastors' spouses feel their spouse is overworked and wish their spouse would choose another profession.

- The majority of pastors’ wives surveyed said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry.

3. What causes stress?

Stress is the natural, God-created, bodily response to external stimuli. Therefore, stress is, in and of itself, good and necessary. But the body was simply not made for the world in which we live. Our world can cause Perpetual Stress Response Syndrome, which is essentially the body’s inability to “turn off” because of chronic stress from such things as: Constant noise, traffic, fractured family systems, disconnection from creation, disconnection from meaningful community, financial pains, electricity and the 24-hour lifestyle, constant interruption.

6. What are the twelve steps to burnout?

- A compulsion to prove oneself (commitment to win no matter what)

- Working harder (feeling irreplaceable they buckle down, raise personal expectations, and take on more and more responsibility)

- Neglecting their needs (eating, sleeping, playing are sacrificed for performance)

- Displacement of conflicts (something is wrong but I’m unsure what)
...

7. What are the signs of possible burnout?

- Unusual mood swings that may include weeping without just cause, anger, or depression

- Exhaustion, nervous twitch, weight change, including gain or loss, insomnia (including difficulty falling asleep or remaining asleep, which can lead to a reliance on sleeping pills)

- Too frequent use of alcohol or tobacco, comforting yourself with unhealthy foods packed with fat, sugar, and simple carbohydrates

- General irritability, change in sexual desire of either noticeable increase or decrease

- Children, friends, and loved ones begin to feel like yet another burden

8. What margins help to prevent burnout? When we push our bodies, schedules, minds, and budgets to the point where there is no margin, all that it takes to destroy us is one unforeseen expense, one small emergency, or one small cold. Therefore, leaving margin is the key to not being crushed when life does not go according to plan ... There are four basic areas where margin is essential and to wisely steward those areas we must ask what fills these buckets:

1. Emotional Energy

2. Physical Energy

3. Time

4. Finances

9. How can I better organize my life to reduce stress?

- Accept the size of your plate and fill it

- Exercise

- Do not allow technology to be your lord

- Sabbath hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annually

- Schedule your vacations first and block them out on your calendar

- Spend most of your time training leaders

- Pay attention to what God is saying through your body and emotions

- Schedule meetings rarely

- Say no, and keep saying no

- Consider regular medical massage

10. What can be done to help the pastors' wife?

- She needs a clearly defined and guarded role.

- She needs some help with the kids and house.

- She needs some help getting to and from church on Sundays.

- She needs a designated parking place.

- She needs a handful of safe relationships with other godly women.

- She needs to choose her own friends and define her own relationships.

- She needs to see her first jobs as Christian, wife, and mother, not free hire for the church.

11. In what ways should a pastor view their ministry?

- Ministry is your fourth priority after being a Christian, husband, and father.

- Ministry is your job, not your life.

- Your salvation and righteousness are gifts from Jesus and not contingent upon your performance.

- If you do not Sabbath, God will impose a Sabbath upon you.

- A series of sprints, with nine natural breaks out of the pulpit, rather than a marathon.

- Jesus is the Senior Pastor and the church is His

Hi from St Louis! Sophie and I had a sweet trip to Chicago yesterday (via Minneapolis) while Fred flew (also to Chicago) via Salt Lake City ...

Soph and I arrived an hour before Fred and I was able to rent one of those airport carts, plop our bags and my girl on top, and HOOF IT all the way to the VERY LAST gate of the VERY LAST terminal before internationals, drop of Sophie with Fred, and then HOOF IT all the way to the VERY LAST gate of the VERY LAST terminal completely ON THE OTHER SIDE of O'Hare (NO EXAGGERATION! And if you know Chicago’s O'Hare airport you understand what a workout that really was) ...

And I made my flight to St Louis last night, met with the leaders of the church where I am speaking this weekend, and (WHEW! Deep breath, Tara!) here I am in my hotel room trying to get ten hours of work done in the four hours I have today to really crank.

I am a blessed woman.

Oh–and all of THAT was after our church’s Reformation Day party where Sophia Grace dressed up as (I think anyway) the WORLD’S CUTEST DALMATIAN PUPPY! All thanks to Grandma Chris who, after READING “101 Dalmatians” to Sophie, O, say, 101 times during the week she was in Montana–then went home and SEWED Sophie this costume:



(Thanks again, Chris! You are amazing. You could sew the Taj Mahal if you needed to!)

Another random topic: WHY OH WHY do we, in America, build these horrible hotel / restaurant / mall areas that are absolutely, 100%, completely INACCESSIBLE to WALKERS?!? Errrrrrgh! Just trying to walk from my hotel to a “Chili's” for lunch today (which I could see from my hotel window) literally caused me to take my life into my own hands because cars zipped around on the mall-area-streets at 45 mph and there were NO sidewalks and NO crosswalks so I had to alternate between walking IN the street and walking on the TILTED, UNEVEN, GRASSY LEDGE next to the street. Fun Fun.

BUT ... I have to say ... the chips & salsa were worth it! (Montana still doesn’t have a Chili’s. That’s right. Montana. THE ENTIRE STATE! But I think Helena is getting one soon. Ahhhh, yet another reason to visit Samara.)

Alright, last random topic: I emailed a writer today to ask if she would help me (for pay) with the FINAL PUSH of content needed for my DVD project. (Draft content for the back page of the study guide and dvd’s, bulletin insert, promotional sign, magazine advertisement, and draft “copy” (content) for the voiceover for a two-minute video “ad” (that would also include some of the quote the women in the audience gave during our feedback/Q&A time.)

I realized early this morning that I really think I’m too close to the project. Seriously. I’ve taught thousands of women this material at retreats and conferences. I’ve been over and over and over it so many times that I don’t have a CLUE as to HOW TO COMMUNICATE what is important/valuable/relevant to the “unknown audience” of women who have been fed “Christian women’s books and studies” that are LAW LAW LAW and graceless and Christ-less, and Cross-less.

So, anyway, if you might please PRAY that this writer (or someone else! maybe YOU?) would HELP ME, I would appreciate it.

The technology / post-production / sound / video AMAZING AMAZING young (single by the way for all of your single gals who might be attracted to a young man who I find absolutely DELIGHTFUL–hysterically funny, incredibly smart, loves to dance, loves God and serves serves serves ...) man is working really hard to get the videos done and I REALLY have to get the study guide FINALIZED (so the AMAZING BRILLIANT TALENTED) graphic design artist (who is giving me like $10,000 worth of her brilliance for a TEENY fraction of that in fees) can get it laid-out.

We really need to wrap the DVD project. So thanks in advance for any prayers you can throw our way.

OK ... back to work.

Hope you are all enjoying a lovely Friday!

Yours,
Tara B.