considerable grace

I was really excited about a certain book I received for Christmas. (Not excited enough to make a GROOVY “SCORE!” photo like our beloved PalmTreePundit did with her pile o' books, but excited nonetheless.)

Its title implied that it would help with faith’s fight against sin specifically concerning the sins that I am tempted to “coddle” or “tolerate.”

Sadly ... after a few pages, I knew that it wasn’t a book for me.
BUT ... I know that MANY people respect and just LOVE this author so I have no CONCERNS or anything.
But I just printed off a “return to Amazon for free shipping” label for it anyway.

Who knows? Maybe it’s ME–maybe I’m too immature or too dull or something and ONE DAY I’ll just LOVE it.

But for now, I’m starting my day back at the Source:

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” James 4:1–3

“But their idols are silver and gold, made by the hands of men. They have mouths, but cannot speak; eyes, but they cannot see; they have ears, but cannot hear, noses, but they cannot smell; they have hands, but cannot feel, feet, but they cannot walk; nor can they utter a sound with their throats. Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them” (Psalm 115:4–8, emphasis added).

“Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed – not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence – continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose” (Philippians 2:12-13, emphasis added).

FOR IT IS GOD ....

For it IS God ....
For it is GOD ....

This is my hope!
My Only Hope.

Blessed Monday to you all!
Trust that God works in you.
And NOTHING can thwart His plan for your life–NOTHING.
Not others, not your circumstance, not even your SIN.

God IS conforming you to the likeness of His Son.
God WILL conform you to the likeness of His Son.
It is a fait accompli.

Rejoice rejoice rejoice!

Sending you love from domestic diva playing with the Soph day–
Tara B.

I’m working through the DVD’s and study guide (again) and OH MAN! I am totally cracking up at two incredibly humbling things:

1. One of my eagle-eye proofers made the gentle observation that I tend to “overuse” quotation marks to set apart “colloquial” phrases. I thought, “Hmmmmm? I do?” So I did a little “search” in “Word” and “YUP!” There were, oh, say, “A FEW HUNDRED” sets of “completely unnecessary” and quite “distracting” quotation marks around various “words.”

Hah. I never would’ve known that about my writing. I never would’ve seen it. Thank God for the Body of Christ! In the counsel of many, there really is great wisdom.

2. For say, I don’t know, maybe THOUSANDS of handouts that I’ve distributed at various women’s retreats and conferences over the last few years, I’m pretty much 100% sure that I’ve had a typo in my 1 Corinthians 10:14 cite that turns “Therefore, my dear friends, FLEE from idolatry” into a sentence with an ITTY-BITTY tiny little BUG in it.

(Yes, yes. If you’ve kept your handouts from my event, go ahead and look it up and LAUGH WITH ME as I have apparently encouraged thousands of women to, “FLEA from idolatry.”)

Oh oh oh! I am so laughing at my inadequacies. Truly. These two examples are making me think of the time in eighth grade when I was reading out loud in a science class and accidentally blurred the two words “air” and “masses” together. Not a good moment.

Or the time in high school when I had my Walkman (yeah, 80’s!) on too loud on a dark, SILENT, school bus coming home from a speech team competition ... I turned to my friend and, you know, YELLED because the decibels ringing in my ears were actually quite loud and I didn’t realize that everyone else was pretty much asleep.

Makes me think of the ABSOLUTE WORLD’S WORST LAW FIRM INTERVIEW EVER. Absolutely. Hands-down. “No competition.” In my third year of law school, I gave what can only be described as the WORST job interview EVER. If ever a person was GUARANTEED to NOT get a job, that was me. I still blush a tiny bit when I think about it and it’s been over ten years now.

And the time back in Chicago when I spilled a HUGE glass of juice all over my boss’s papers and $200 tie at a breakfast meeting and, after it was all cleaned up, SPILLED A SECOND GLASS TOO. (Ugh. That one still makes me clench my chest a bit.)

I could go on and on (and on and on).

But I’ll stop and simply thank God that His grace covers over not only my sin, but my stupidity too.

Sleep well, dear friends!
The Lord is with you.

Yours smilingly,
Tara B.

Elder Laverman (as always!) reminded us anew of the glorious gospel as he opened our church’s service this morning.

He called out to all of us who have sinned in the past year and still cringe when we remember what we have thought, said, and done.

He called out to all of us who are embarrassed by something we did; ashamed by the depth of our depravity.

And he read from the prophet Isaiah:

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and cry to her
that her warfare is ended,
that her iniquity is pardoned." Isaiah 40:1-2a

Oh, the gospel.
The glorious gospel.

We, even we ... the most desperate of sinners CAN be and ARE forgiven.

Blessings to you as you head into the new year!

No new year’s resolutions, OK?
No trying to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and “be better.” Got it?

Run to Christ.
Believe God’s Word.

"For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:11-12

G'nite and God bless,
Tara B.

Hope you’re all having a nice weekend! Are you getting back to normal in your homes or are you still in crazy holiday mode?

Soph cried (literally CRIED) for hours when Kali and Fred left on Wednesday. And then yesterday she asked if we could, “PLEASE go to the airport and get on a plane and MOVE TO CHICAGO.”

Guess someone loves her auntie and uncle, eh? Wonder why ...







By the way ... Soph made the COOLEST motorized marble elevator thingy. Seriously? I thought she’d just enjoy watching it go “round & round” after Fred built it ... but nope. She looked at the photo and piece by piece, color by color, put it together and THEN (after a tiny bit of grownup help) watched it go round and round.



Last pic ... one of my favorites that Uncle Fred snapped. Just another morning with my snuggle bear.



Happy Saturday to you–
Enjoy a restful, blessed, Christ-exalting Sabbath tomorrow!

Yours,
Tara B.

Unless you are a current event host to whom I haven’t yet sent my promotional materials (and I don’t think that there are any of you out there!), this probably won’t interest you.

BUT ... Fred worked SO HARD on this and I’m SO grateful to him and SO proud of his work that I just wanted to show it off:

Materials for Event Hosts

Just one more way to guard my Domestic Diva Tara’s a Stay-at-Home-Momma-ness (who happens to fly 35,000+ miles a year).

The more I automate and make things convenient for event hosts, the less back-and-forth time I take away from tackling my fears of cooking, right?

'Course, you KNOW that after Fred put in all of those (many!) hours making such a cool page, now I’ll probably NEVER receive another invitation to speak/teach anywhere again, right? Oh well, we’re SO not in charge of those details.

I’m just incredibly grateful to Fred for everything he does to serve me and these precious women (and thus, their marriages & children & churches too)!

Servant headship. That’s Fred.
I could never deserve such a man.



Thanks, Fred.

Love to all!
– Tara B.

Just found the PERFECT book for my little LOVES TO ASK QUESTIONS kid:

Uncover the Human Body

Now when she asks about what our stomachs look like or how our muscles work or why we drink so much water all day, I can just FLIP to the page and there it is.

I saw this referenced on some homeschool blog and was really happy to find it on clearance in a store today. Got it home and Soph just started devouring it.

Hooray! Momma Tara is trying to work on science stuff. (Not my forte.)
Now ... onto math.



Happy Friday, all!

Yours,
Tara B.

One of my “buttons” in life ...

(You know, the kind of thing that really TICKS ME OFF and brings out some definitely UNATTRACTIVE, totally NOT-GOD-HONORING, absolutely 100% areas in NEED OF FURTHER SANCTIFICATION in me ...)

... is when I am working, working, working, working, WORKING like a mad woman and then either:

1. I realize that there is NO WAY I’m going to get everything done; and/or

2. Something happens to disrupt my crazy-freaking-out-busy-accomplishing-so-much Tara-To-Do-ness. (You know, like a husband not reading my mind and not doing something “just so.” A daughter needing, oh, I don’t know ... food, water, love, attention.)

Well ... having JUST proofed the “final cut” of the Q&A session of my little DVD project (wherein one of the questions was, “What are some of your buttons?” And a follow-up question asked, “And how do you AVOID responding like that?” To which I (HONESTLY) replied, “Ummmm. Well. Yeah. Well ... I can’t say that I’m very good at avoiding my sinful/ugly response because USUALLY I don’t recognize the button. If I recognized what was going on, I’d at least have a FIGHTING chance of responding in a faith-filled, gracious, loving, godly, (NOT so sinfully!) manner. But usually, I just REACT. And SPLAT! Out comes my sin. But of course I know that God is growing me.”

Well, well ... with my own words ringing in my ears and (sort of creepily) convicting me ...

When I was TEMPTED to be JUST AWFUL TARA as I was tackling huge projects yesterday, I instead DID try to recognize my propensity to be a jerk and, instead, respond differently.

I’d have to say on a scale of 1 to 10 of jerkdomness, I was probably still a 7.5 or 8. But I do think I had MOMENTS of maturity. GLIMPSES of growth in grace.

Even just recognizing the battle was a grace, right?
But oh! How desperate I am for forgiveness too.

I am so grateful for the grace I receive from God every moment of my life AND the grace I receive from my husband and daughter every single day too.

Hope you’re breathing in some grace today!

Sending you my love,
Tara B.

Well, I’ve been temporarily displaced in the heart of my daughter ...

Apparently, having two adults play constantly with you and lavish only FUN and NO discipline on you can really win over a four year-old’s heart.

Yes, yes, Soph has been officially ensorcelled by Kali & her Fred.
She doesn’t want to sleep because she just wants to spend more time with them.
Cuddles? Books? Games? Kali & Fred! Kali & Fred! Kali & Fred!

But the kicker that totally made us all (including me) LOSE it we laughed so hard? ... Last night when we all went to play “Candyland”, she said:

"Sorry, Mom. There are only four pieces, so I guess you can’t play."

(Kali, Fred, Dad, Soph. No room for Mom.)

I’m not too worried about it, though.
If I could have all fun and no discipline (all sugar and no brocolli, all lying around and no exercise), I’d probably like that a lot too.

(Oh, wait. That sounds like the last week of my life!)

BUT ... Kali and Fred said, oh–say–100 times a day as they’ve played with her, she instinctively says, “Momma – I mean Auntie Kali” and “Momm–I mean Uncle Fred.” So I’m trusting she’s sufficiently bonded to me.

Here’s hoping anyway.

Lots of progress made on the DVD project! Today is my last day for my (wonderful!) proofreaders to get me their changes on the guide and then I’m sending it off to the graphic design artist.

Then I’m a video session watchin' gal to see if we can get the “final cuts” on those done too.

It will be SO good to have this project wrapped.
Oh, and I’m also PICABOOING our 2007 scrapbook too.

Do you electronically scrapbook yet? I’M HOOKED. I’ll never go back to double stick tape. NEVER.

- With a few hours of hard work, I’ll have our entire YEAR done and bound in a GORGEOUS hardback book.

- I can print out of paperback version for Soph so she can play with it and look through it WITHOUT damaging our “good” version.

- I can print off paperback versions for grandparents and (wonderfully) overly-indulgent aunties and uncles.

- And if, God forbid, our house burns down, our photos are not lost forever. I can just print off another scrapbook.

Works for me!

Anyway ... back to DVD guide land. It’s 8:30 and everyone should be starting to stir soon.

Happy Thursday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... I THINK my weblog hosting is back and working and I can (finally) post some pics from Soph’s Backyardigans Volcano Sisters 4th Birthday LUAU!

Hope you enjoy–
And hope you’re doing OK even amidst the oft' troubling holiday gatherings. Eek.

Love ya!
– Tara B.

I didn’t ruin the surprise! Kali & Fred arrived and really shocked Sophie ...



After Sophie was asleep, we had a blast setting things up for the party ...





Finally, the big day was here! The girls danced, went on quests, and received lots of fun treats!





(I won’t bore you with the other 1,100 photos ... but at least you can see a flavor of our festivities.)

Well ... I’ve had a first.

Sunday after church, our little “friend/prayer” group went SHOOTING.

Clay pigeons at the rod & gun club ...
Lessons by deacon Vowell ...
Cheered on by our men ...

We did it!



I have to say ... I truly thought that the statistical possibility of us hitting ANYTHING (other than AIR) was like, ZERO ...

But unbelievably, I did hit two of the clay pigeons. In fact, I completely obliterated, annihilated, turned-back-into-dust one of 'em:



(Here I am “explaining” that it REALLY helps if you KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN while shooting ...)



By the way, how about that cutie-bear Fred shooting too?



'Tis a strange and funny and sweet life, eh?

Hope you’re doing well–

Love,
Tara B.

Sorry I’ve had no posts!!

My website/blog host is wigging out so I can’t post Kali & Fred arrival OR luau OR Christmas pics!

Maybe one of these days ...

Hope you’re all doing well!

God bless,
t

Ed Welch keeps on knocking them out of the ballpark in my estimation!

I’m continuing to work through his latest book, Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest, and today’s reading was particularly appropriate because YESTERDAY–totally by God’s GRACE!–I tackled a fear (entering the FEEDBACK I received from my dear “heresy-checking” friends on my DVD series), engaged in the battle (actually opened up Word and made the changes!), and ... as usual ... it wasn’t NEARLY as hard or scary as I had been making it up to be all these many weeks/months.

Aren’t big ol' HARD STUFF projects often like that? We think, “That’s going to be IMPOSSIBLE!” ... but then, afterwards, we have to muse, “That really wasn’t so bad.”

Dr. Welch addresses this exact topic in Chapter 4 (Anxiety and Worry Chime In):

"When you are actually in the battle, you aren’t thinking about fear. The hard part is the night before. Your anxiety level rises when you hear the drumbeat of the opposing army getting closer and closer and all you can do is wait. Anxiety about the future event is usually worse than the event itself.

There is a story line to human life that includes a past, present, and future. Fear spans them all. Fear can be triggered by the past, react to crises in the present, or anticipate them in the future. Its preferred time zone, however, is the future. Dread, panic, nervousness, worry, and anxiety all speak of our potential future vulnerability ...

Here is where adult imaginations show their mettle. Imaginations are our ability to consider things that don’t presently exist. Sometimes we call it vision. A visionary is one who looks ahead and envisions the trajectory of a church, business, or individual life. A talented visionary is one who can see future possibilities and persuade others of that future. Visionaries are rarely right (at least in the details), tend to be optimistic, and are always confident.

Worries are visionaries minus the optimism." (emphases added)

Oooooooh! So much more I’d like to share BUT lovie bear muffin tater tot just woke up and it’s time for some snuggles! (Man! You can sure get a lot done 4AM-8AM when you’re rested. Fun fun fun!)

Oh–did I tell you that Sophia has NO IDEA that Uncle Fred and Aunt Kali will be here in JUST A FEW HOURS for her Backyardigans Volcano Sisters Luau 4th Birthday Party tomorrow? She is going to FREAK OUT!! I think I haven’t been this excited about a surprise since we gave Fred his (gorgeous!) solid-top guitar as a wedding gift at our rehearsal dinner 12+ years ago!

If only I can NOT blow it and ruin the surprise in the next four hours.

Happy Friday, all!

Yours,
Tara B.

Jaw droppingly amazed (yet again) at the incredible art of Taylor Lynde (my friend Samara’s husband).

I WISH I could put a picture in here but my blog hosting service is changing over and they’ve temporarily canceled my ability to upload photos (!!).

But please take a moment to click on over to this incredible painting in TJ’s ebay store. You won’t be disappointed!

Bethlehem Back Alley

Simply amazing.
I just can’t believe it’s in his ABSOLUTE STEAL ebay store rather than in a gallery. Bet he just wanted to bless “the rest of us” who don’t have the joy of shopping in galleries, eh?

Thank you, Taylor, for sharing your art with us all!
And thanks be to GOD for His indescribable gift of the Incarnation of His Very Son.

Love and blessings,
Tara B.

Finally. One week later. A WHOLE NIGHT’S SLEEP!!!!

I went to bed at 7:30PM and didn’t wake up until 7:10AM!!!!

A typical “long” night’s sleep for me is six hours. Maybe seven.
But almost 12 hours of sleep???

Oh oh oh ... I can’t TELL you have different I feel now.

Thank God for rest. I am so grateful.

"Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:6-8

Blessed Thursday, all!

This IS the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Yours,
Tara B.

The staff of Peacemaker Ministries gathers once a week for devotions (and prayer, by the way, so if you ever need prayer regarding a conflict CALL/EMAIL them and they will pray pray pray!) ...

Today, Fred did the devotion on how great the Father’s love for us is.

He made a little movie based on Sophie’s 4th birthday and we thought you might enjoy seeing it, so here it is:

In our Bible and prayer time each morning, Sophia and I read “the Psalm of the Day.” Basically, I read her the Psalm number for whatever the calendar date is.

So yesterday, her fourth birthday, we read Psalm 17. If you’re familiar with it, you know that Psalm 17 has two wonderful word pictures in it–it talks about us being “the apple of God’s eye” and also how we are “hidden in the shadow of His wing.”

Sophie was quite taken by both illustrations–and today in our prayer time when she prayed in thanksgiving for God’s attributes (we always start our prayer time by thanking God for his attributes–things that make God God), she prayed:

"Thank You, God, that You cover us under Your wing. You take care of us."

Then she paused, opened her eyes, looked at me and said:

"Momma! Jesus tucks me under His wing just like Daddy tucks me into bed!"

Yes, dear. Yes, yes–He does. He really does.

Happy Fourth Birthday, Sophia Grace! Momma loves you so much.

G'nite & God bless!

Love,
Tara B.

Joe the Amazing sent me a link to the opening sequence he made for my DVD Series and I thought you might enjoy seeing it too, so here it is:



The music is the very beginning of Trudy Poirier’s original version of "Beneath the Cross of Jesus". (I’m SO grateful she is allowing me to include her music on the project! One song is included at the end of each of the eight sessions.)

Hope you like the intro. I think Joe is just one of the most remarkable young men I’ve ever met. I LOVE working with him on this project.

Oh–and the music will fade out as my voice comes in for the beginning of each session.

OK–back to domestic diva duties! We have MAJOR birthday chaos around here and I think it’s time to try to reign it in a bit. (I’ll try to post some pics when I get a minute.)

Blessings to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

OK. OK. It’s only 4:04AM and I’m only on the first page of Ed Welch’s latest book, Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest, but already I am comforted AND reminded of why I am SUCH an Ed Welch junkie:

"Although I can be angry or melancholy, I am a fear specialist. In this I have found that I am not alone ...

I was initially intrigued by Luke’s account of Jesus' command: Do not worry." There was a time when the biblical commands “Do not worry” and “Do not be afraid” put a quick end to hopes that there was something attractive to say to fearful people. It seemed as if the biblical counsel was “The law says don’t fear, so don’t. End of story.”

But there are at least two different ways to say “Don’t worry.” One is a judicial warning, which has a threatening overtone; the other is a parental encouragement, which aims to comfort. Scripture has both, but Luke placed the accent on the parental encouragement. Those warm words from the loving Father were all I needed to notice God’s passion for comforting fearful people."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm .....
Warm words. Loving Father. Comfort.

Guess I’m really a Jesus Junkie, eh?
(But thanks again, Dr. Welch, for pointing us all in the way of faith in Christ. By grace. God’s grace.)

Happy, Blessed, Sophie’s Birthday Monday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... it’s 3:30AM and I’m awake. Again.

It’s been four nights now since I’ve had a good night’s rest. I’m so tired that I’m starting to shake.

The good news is that I WAS actually sleeping tonight. I know this because I was scared awake by a horrible nightmare at 2:45AM. (And you only dream when you’re in REM sleep, right? So that’s sort of good news, anyway.)

Hope this doesn’t trouble you or anything–but assuming that my strange subconcious fears won’t worry you too much AND with the hope that writing it out might help me to go back to sleep ... this was my nightmare. (It feels as real as this laptop so it’s not hard to retell.)

A very short homeless woman was peering into our living room bay window. She had been near our home for a long time, but it was the first time I had seen her actually touching our house and looking INSIDE our windows.

Sophie (who in real life has NEVER opened a door to the outside without permission–just trying to tell my subconscious mind to RELAX and GO BACK TO SLEEP here) ... went outside. I was scared for her safety, so not wanting to alarm her, I just explained that she needed to NOT go outside again without a grownup. Then I tucked her back into bed next to me, wrapped myself around her, and she was quickly asleep in my arms.

I slipped out of her bed and went to get dressed to a) call the police non-emergency number and tell them about the homeless lady looking into our window; and b) head to friend/prayer group.

(This is ALL so creepy for me because we’ve had an apparently mentally ill homeless woman roaming our neighborhood for about a year now–I say apparently mentally ill because she screams nonsense words as she walks and walks up and down our sidewalks. And I’ve called the police non-emergency number to ask if they have any advice for our family as to how to stay safe and also how to help her. Oh–and, of course, I leave for prayer/friend group in less than three hours.)

But every time I tried to dial the police non-emergency number, I couldn’t get through. So I went to a neighbor, a friend, an older Christian man I trust and I asked him to please help me. But THEN I saw her looking into HIS window WITH A GUN. She had that “dead” look in her eyes and I just knew she was going to kill Sophie and me.

I ran as fast I could to get back to Sophie–but of course, like most nightmares, I just couldn’t reach her. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get to her.

But then the woman was IN OUR HOUSE. With the gun. And the “dead/evil/I’m going to kill your daughter” look. So I killed her. And the horror of it all woke me up. So here I sit.

Yes, I immediately woke Fred up and he tried to comfort me. (By the way–his comforting me reminded me that I used to have a LOT more fears and nightmares when we were first married. So even as I’m uncomfortable, I’m grateful to the Lord too for growing me in grace.)

No, my heart hasn’t stopped racing yet.

Yes, when I came downstairs, I was scared to turn on the light and sit in my own living room–I checked my bay window and looked out my front door at the sidewalk very much expecting to see the homeless woman. Still a little scared about that.

Yes, I’m thinking it’s time to have Lilikoi sleep outside of her kennel at nighttime. (Choza used to sleep in our room mostly, but also check in on the baby periodically, and sometimes end up in the hallway between our two rooms when she decided that was the best “take care of the pack” place to be.) Seriously? The only time I’ve heard Lili bark is when a strange UPS guy dropped a package at our back door. (She knows our regular UPS guy–but he’s been taken off of our route temporarily for the holiday rush.) She didn’t know him. He came through our gate and just went on our porch and Lili took an “ears up, hair on back of neck” attentive/ready to be aggressive stance and BARKED. I, of course, praised her. GOOD JOB LILI.

Yes, I’m trying to pray. But I’ve also picked up my new copy of Ed Welch’s latest book, Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest.

I’ve had it on my “currently reading/to be read” pile for weeks now and it must be time to start it. Yes, yes, I could just pick up my Bible and that’s ALWAYS a wise thing to do. But I have to say, anything and everything I’ve ever read of Dr. Welch’s points me to Christ, helps to reorient my heart toward the Lord in right worship and biblical thinking, AND just gives that “make it real / make it practical / what does it LOOK LIKE to lay hold of Christ and remember the gospel IN THIS SPECIFIC SITUATION” help that I always so desperately need in life.

So here goes.

Oh–and Sophie turns four tomorrow (today/Monday the 17th)! We’ll have a little celebratory day but her “Backyardigans Volcano Sister LUAU” birthday party isn’t until Saturday. You can bank on some photos going up, eh?

Thanks for listening. Love to all!

Your friend,
Tara B.

You may recall that I shared that our daughter, Sophia, was struggling with having an ugly, unloving heart toward one of her dearest friends. As friends and parents, we were beginning to pick up on little words, attitudes, actions between the two girls and we were prayerfully concerned and looking for appropriate ways to help them.

For our family the situation really came to light after church one Sunday when Sophia just told quite matter of factly that “she did NOT like ”Mary" any more." She was firm in her conviction and her tone was angry/hurt/offended.

So we began to pray with her and draw out from her more information as to what had happened between her and “Mary.” Had there been a conflict? An offense? Did someone need to confess something? What steps could we take to address this?

She was NOT INTERESTED. In her little three year old mind “Mary” was the problem, so “Mary” just needed to GO AWAY and STAY AWAY. Period.

So then we had to call her back to the high view of the Church! “Mary” is a member of our church. We are a member of HER church. We are ONE FAMILY in our local church. And there is simply NO OPTION of not loving our brothers and sisters in the Church. It is our DUTY to love them, pray for them, bless them, help them. We made a vow to them and it is our solemn vow, our duty.

We counseled her: “Sophie, God is calling you to REPENT of your ugly heart toward ”Mary" and pray that He will give you a new, clean, loving heart toward her. But no matter how you FEEL, you are called by God to do good to her, pray for her, bless her, love her. And we are going to come alongside of you and help you to do that. We will! We will all help you both."

Later that night, I called the other mom to give her heads-up and ask her to pray. She immediately said, “I’ll pray!” AND ... “Let’s have a playdate!”

A few days later, Sophie went over to their home and things went pretty well. There was a brief altercation related to Mr. Potato Head but Soph went and asked the grownup for help and they found a work-it-out solution, so that was no biggie.

Then, later on when they were making pies, totally out of the blue, Sophie said to my friend, “You know, sometimes I don’t have very loving feelings in my heart toward your daughter, ”Mary."

And my (brilliant! godly! wise! mature! LOVING!) friend replied:

"Yeah. That’s really normal to feel that way, Soph. We all feel that way at various times ... ESPECIALLY when it’s a really close friend. Sometimes relationships are hard. It’s normal.

But what we want YOU to hear from us is that WE LOVE YOU. And we are HERE for you. And we are NOT going ANYWHERE. We will always be your friends, Sophie."

Then Sophie responded with a quiet, “Thank you. But if it’s OK, I think I’d like to be done talking about this right now.” "NO PROBLEM" says my friend. “Let’s finish this pie!”

Grace Grace Grace!

You know ... I am just SO grateful to be raising Sophia around other moms who view parenting as all of us striving to encourage our children to lay hold of Christ and worship Him above all else; and then good/wise decisions will emanate out as they grow in grace; that’s parenting is NOT a competition ... and that my daughter’s struggle with sin is NOT a criticism of her daughter NOR is it an opportunity to reject my daughter. It’s just a reminder for us ALL that what we really need is Christ.

Grace Grace Grace!

And here’s the “rest of the story” ... today Sophie was holding her little hand-painted ornament from co-op that has a space for a photo. When I asked her whose photo she would like to put in the frame, she asked for one of “her and HER FRIEND, MARY”.

Grace abounds!
I really am a grace junkie.

But now I’m an exhausted grace junkie–I think I’m starting to blur things, so I’m going to sign off for now.

Blessings on your Saturday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Today was not what I thought it would be ... not what I planned ...
But it was truly a day of grace.

Fred took a vacation day off from work so that he could help me with the redesign of my website, the implementation of various online forms (to streamline events and cases), and to help me with the post-production work on my dvd project.

A friend took Sophie for the day and I thought that Fred and I would connect relationally and then, from that place of spiritual and emotional renewal, we would get as much “work” done as possible. (But I knew we had a LOT more work to do than we could ever actually get done in one day–so my expectations in that regard were fairly modest.)

Fred was, from the MOMENT the day started, like an athlete off of the blocks in a RACE to GET AS MUCH DONE AS POSSIBLE. As much WORK done as possible, that is–not this whole “relational bonding / reconnect with my wife / help us both become more spiritually-centered so that our work on these projects would have a sweetness of right worship, etc. etc.”

Yeah. Nice, huh? A day to work on (hopefully!) Christ-exalting, love of God & love of neighbor-encouraging, ministry projects and we start off with a CONFLICT. Ergh!

But doesn’t it often happen that way?

- Our best efforts for a special birthday party–but something goes wrong and there’s CONFLICT.

- We think we have everything covered for some ministry event at church–but then BLAM. Something falls through. Someone messes up. Miscommunication. CONFLICT.

- We try and we try and we TRY ... but someone is still hurt/let down.

Sophie’s learning a new phrase these days (it’s especially helpful when someone accidentally bonks into her or hurts her in some way):

"Oh well! That’s life in a FALLEN WORLD."

Amen, sister. Preach it.

It really IS life in a fallen world.
Never going to be “perfect.”
Rarely going to live up to our expectations/desires.
Often filled with uncomfortable situations and pain.

And yet ... and yet ... and yet ...

There truly IS grace for the day!

Let me tell you about a few of the faces of grace for me today:

- Fred persevering in working so hard. Pretty much chained to his laptop ALL DAY LONG. Serving serving serving. (Were we all smooshy-mooshy-lovey-dovey-FEELING like SOME days? Nope! But OH! There was love. There was grace.)

- Our friends offering–spontaneously–to take Sophie for an OVERNIGHT so that we could continue working past 5:00PM. Now ... we’re not a sleepover family. We’re really not. (A CREEPY, horrible experience sleeping over at a “friend's” house in junior high involving her drunk father and inappropriate touching has absolutely cured me of THAT for well, ever.) But for Safe Side Friends? The kind of friends who we would, in all actuality, trust to be Sophie’s GUARDIANS were we to die? A sleepover with them? Sounds like fun! So we said, “Sure!” But we fully expected a call ... and it came around 9:00PM.

- So grace for me looked like an OCEAN OF LOVE inside of my heart as I happily jumped in my freezing car with my Golden in the seat next to me and ZOOMED across town at 9:00 “just to visit” Sophia. (I had told her on the phone that I would be happy to come and take her home or happy to just come and cuddle for a little visit. She asked for a little cuddle time.) Oh! How I love that girl. I was so happy to wrap her in my arms and shnug-shnug-shnuggle her and kiss on her and tell her over and over again how much I love her and how I thank Jesus every single day for her.

- And after teethbrushing, I saw our friends tucking their two children in right alongside of Sophia in the kids' room and I thought I would be out the door (it was like 9:30PM) ... but as their little family started singing, “Holy! Holy! Holy! Lord God Almighty! All Thy works shall praise Thy name in earth and sky and sea!”, I just couldn’t leave. I sat down in a chair in their living room and just listened to them sing and pray and do one final tuck-in of hugs and kisses.

I just couldn’t leave because it was such a holy moment. I sat in their living room and the quote from PalmTreePundit’s blog tagline was RINGING in my ears: “The most extraordinary thing in the world is an ordinary man and an ordinary woman and their ordinary children.” – G.K Chesterton" It’s true! It’s true!

My mind was flashbacking to last summer when Sophie and I got to be in the home of our dearest friends (who ARE Sophie’s guardians if we were to die) ... as this little family gathered to read the Bible, pray for missionaries, and sing a hymn. I remember thinking of all of the families THROUGH THE AGES who had paused to do the same. Day after day. Returning thanks and praise to God because that’s what a Christian family does.

Oh! It was sweet. It was grace. It was that hope of encouragement / pull toward repentance and faith and right worship that I had been longing for from the morning and on ... but God provided it in a different form, in a different way, at a different time.

- Because THEN ... until almost MIDNIGHT ... my friend Aimee and I talked. Really talked. Not interrupted by our primary mission fields of serving our husbands and children. Not talking just to put together another week’s curriculum for co-op or accomplish some other task. NOPE. We actually enjoyed the blessing of edifying conversation. When words and timbre and body language and environment combine and our past experiences, present hopes and fears and blessings, future dreams and mullings pour out in a gentle dance that is REAL. INTIMATE. Not a waste of time (shallow). Not a waste of time (trying to fake/manufacture something profound).

But that sweet YES that comes when we can sit across from a friend and be wholly ourselves and she can be wholly herself and whatever topic we talk on, there is a DEPTH to it. It’s real. And the realness points us to Truth. So by the end, I was overwhelmed with gratitude that God would love me and call me His own. That this friend would love me and not give up on me (and actually even delight in me and enjoy me!)

- Her (brilliant! godly!) loving husband was there for a portion of the conversation and WOW! His words of counsel were truly like apples of gold. Aptly spoken. I heard them and I am continuing to hear them. Oh! I am so grateful for wise and godly pastors to shepherd and lead me as a Christian disciple, a wife, a mother, a friend.

I finally headed home just before midnight ... tucking my Golden under a Princess blanket and rubbing her back to warm her up (I hadn’t anticipated a long visit or else I wouldn’t have left her to grow SO COLD in our little economy car). Got home. Put away laundry and tried to go to sleep ... but it’s 2AM and I’m still up, so here’s another 2AM blog entry.

I know I’m never at my best at 2AM ... but mostly, I just wanted to return thanks to God ... for Fred and his faithful service; for God giving me grace to get to work and work hard (even though I didn’t “feel” like it); for spiritual and emotional encouragement from friends; from Christ Himself, my Brother, Who has made a way for me to be right with God the Father. This is my only hope and my highest confidence.

May Christ be lifted up!
Praise His Holy Name!

Sending you love from a slightly-chilled middle-of-the-night gal (should’ve grabbed that ROBE!) who HOPES that there might be little more sleep for her in here someplace tonight.

Yours,
Tara B.

My friend, A.W., sent me a link to a great interview with Ed Welch on the topic of depression. I hope you’ll check it out!

To tempt you, here is a tiny excerpt from the long interview:

"One common response of depressed individuals is that they can’t imagine anything good ever happening again. Normally our emotions can go up and down; at this moment I can imagine really difficult things and really good things.

The person who is depressed cannot imagine anything with a good outcome. Even when someone close tells them genuinely and meaningfully, “I love you,” it doesn’t cut through the pain. With the depressed person, there’s always this inner doubt raging war with truth. They might say, “I hear your words, but I can’t imagine that you would love me.” This inability to identify “good” is one of the most troubling features of depression for the hurting person. It’s also one of the frustrations for those who love them, because you want your love and your words to build them up. Instead, even the most caring sentiments seem to hit a wall and fall flat. "

Can you relate? I can!

Hope you’ll read the interview AND get Dr. Welch’s book on depression too. It’s the best one I’ve read to date.

Working hard and hoping you’re having a great Friday too–

Yours,
Tara B.

Had a crazy-busy day today that culminated with the Peacemaker Ministries Christmas party and dinner in honor of our dear friend, Dave Edling’s, retirement from the Peacemaker staff.

We were so blessed to get to be seated by Dave & his beloved, Pat! Fred said, “Merry Christmas” as he switched my name plate with his so that I could sit right next to Dave. We laughed & laughed the night away.

One of the little “party games” they played included a list of “things no one knows about me” and the names of the various staff and spouses.

Fred’s TOTALLY cracked EVERYONE up. Absolutely NO ONE knew this about Fred. (Well, except ME of course.)

I received the Reserve Champion award for my chocolate chip cookies at the County Fair.

Hysterical! What a guy.

No one guessed MINE either. First they tried to tag me with this really really REALLY long-winded lawyerly description of someone who served on a teen jury in discipline cases in high school or something. Sheesh! And THEN they tried to tag me with being a CHEERLEADER in junior high. Hah! Talk about being at the disparate ends of the spectrum.

But here was mine:

I won FIRST PLACE in my eighth grade science fair with a project on erosion.

True story. And no one was more surprised than ME.



Hope you had a blessed, blessed day.

Sending you love–
Tara B.

Great post over at BrittleCrazyGlass related to our battle against sin:

Tolerance for Failure

It’ll take you less than one minute to read.
(But for all of us–a lifetime to remember, eh?)

Thanks, M.R.!

Love ya,
Tara B.

It was a low-energy-but-have-to-keep-going-anyway kind of day around here today.

I felt like I couldn’t lift my arms above my head! But preschool co-op & ballet & domestic diva tasks called anyway. And God truly did give me more grace.

Co-op was a fun but sad day because it was the last day that Mrs. Dunn would be co-teaching with me. Pesky ol' mission field / eternal work to be done / missionary calling! I miss her already!!



(Oh, in case you’re curious, here I am facilitating our “learn to set a formal table, boys learn to seat the girls, open in prayer, napkin on your lapkin, have conversation” snicky-snack time!)



After co-op, it was off to the races to pick up a SO-HAPPY-all-chewed-on-from-her-three-hour-PUPPY-PLAYDATE Lilikoi:





(That last picture was JUST before Lili licked my camera. Nice.)

You know, reflecting on this very, very tired day, I am struck by grace in its many forms:

- Even as I read the Bible and prayed and KNEW I just felt DOWN, I didn’t feel like I would ALWAYS feel this way; or even that I USUALLY feel this way. I just identified it as a “low energy” / tired day and thought, “Oh well! What can you do? Press on. Persevere. No worries.”

- At co-op I was SO tempted to give in to thoughts of, “Why am I even TRYING to do this little class? Is this even a blessing to ANYONE? Am I crazy to think I can do this in the spring semester by myself?” But then (grace! grace! grace!) I immediately thought, “Never make ANY big decisions when you feel like THIS, Tara! Low-energy days are NOT days for making good decisions. Just get through it.”

- When I mentioned to a friend at co-op that we are going through a particularly hard season parenting Sophia ...(What? Who? Me? Surprised by my kid’s SIN? Surprised that parenting is HARD? Shocking!) ... My friend didn’t just say, “Sorry to hear it, Tara.” Or, “I’ll pray for you.” She said, “You know, I’m not sure you fully understand JUST how hard it was to raise our oldest daughter.” (Now a godly, wonderful, loving young lady.) “Let’s have lunch this week so we can talk about this.”

Grace!
Grace!
Grace!

Oh–I’ll close with this ...

Doing all this piano practicing has lit up parts of my brain that haven’t been accessed in a long time ... and I was thinking about this WONDERFUL choir arrangement of “O Come All Ye Faithful” that I played WAYYYYYYYYY back in high school. So I pulled out one of my high school memories notebooks, looked up the arranger on the choir program (thanks, Mr. Jung!), and ordered one copy from Hope Music.

I was so excited when it arrived and I immediately went to church to run one (very temporary!) copy. (I’m a stickler on copyright issues and I was going to destroy the copy FOR SURE.) My hope was that our choir director might like it and want to do it, so I had to get her a copy ASAP. But of course, I really wanted to PLAY IT just for fun too!

And here’s what happened ...



Classic, eh? Like a “Most Wanted” poster for dogs.

Yup. Lili ate the music. I left it (and her) in the car to run an errand and I came out to shredded MUSH.

So now I’m going to KEEP the copy as my only SURVIVING copy ... and then keep the chewed up original on file as proof that I do own a REAL, licensed version. It’s just that half of it is inside of my DOG.

!!

Hope you sleep well and that you wake up tomorrow ready to face a good Wednesday.

Much love and blessings,
Tara B.

Sorry I never got around to posting today!

The day started out very early for me as I was up at 2AM (again) and when 6AM rolled around, I just got dressed and headed out the door to friend/prayer group.

I was tempted not to go because it is SO COLD and I was SO tired. But I’m so glad I went. I just LOVE those ladies and it’s such a good way to start the day/week.

I entered my friend’s house at 6:30AM grouchy and pretty much focused on SELF (so having a pity pot party for no apparent reason) ... and left at 7:30AM with a grateful and hopeful and happy heart. Not bad.

Arriving home, I had just a few minutes to help Sophie and Fred into their days ... wrapped up breakfast, got Soph dressed for “school” and then went outside to stand in the heavily falling snow.

(Apparently Sophie’s ZEBRA really wanted to play in the snow too. )



Then I was off to the races to be efficient and effective tackling BIG HUGE PROJECTS all day long. My friends were so generous to help me by taking care of Sophia and God was so gracious to help me to work hard. It was a very good day.

THEN I (tried to) transform our little home into a Mexican Fiesta to celebrate our dear friends who are missionaries and who are soon leaving us to go back to Mexico to continue their church planting / seminary founding mission. (We miss them already!)





(Doesn’t that last picture’s (unintentional) juxtaposition of the PINATA and Dr. Tripp’s new book (A QUEST FOR MORE) crack you up? Does anything show our self-focused-little-mini-kingdoms-unto-themselves HEARTS like a Pinata?!)

Oh–and the pinata was a big hit ... INSIDE OF OUR TINY HOME. I mention this because I really wanted it to be done out in the garage and I “lobbied” Fred for that idea more than a few times last week. I just COULDN’T see how it could work inside–and I had big ol' images of big ol' dents in our walls and broken paintings/statues from our dining room/living room too.

BUT ... Fred said he had a plan and he was insistent. Thankfully–and this is truly a GRACE of God–I didn’t fight it. I said, “OK. You’re in charge of the pinata hanging and game.” And I thought, “Hope this works.”

And it did. (Good job Fred.)



Well–it’s late and I’m wiped. Hope you rest well and I’ll see you tomorrow!

With joy,
Tara B.

Just finished Dave Harvey’s, When Sinners Say “I Do”.

It’s a good read and I’d definitely recommend it as a gospel-proclaiming, readable book on the topic of marriage. (Lots of stories too, Tara S.! )

I’d like to tempt you to purchase it with a tiny excerpt from his chapter on “stubborn grace.” In it, he lists “four things to keep in mind when encouraging your spouse in the grace of God.”

(But isn’t it true that these four things are really for us to encourage ANYONE in the grace of God? Don’t you find that in biblically-sound books on ANY topic, their teachings really relate to ALL of life? I read a book on parenting, and it helps me at work. I read a book on work, and WHOA! I’m helped at church. And on and on.)

Here are the four points that Pastor Harvey lists:

"1. Your spouse is inclined to drift from grace to self-effort. ("I just need to do more, work harder, give it more effort.") (Therefore , you are called to ...) preach the gospel to your spouse; encourage meditation upon the riches of the gospel; and encourage resting in God even as the battle rages ...

2. Your spouse may tend to become discouraged. How can we practically encourage one another when discouragement sets in? Remind your spouse that God works beneath the surface well before change becomes visible; celebrate what you can see, even if it is not directly related to the area of desired change; review the game plan for change ...

3. Your spouse can lose sight of the ultimate goal. In our spiritual battles, we can be so aware of the fight to overcome specific sin tendencies that we begin to think the Christian life is basically about dealing with sin. That’s completely wrong ...

4. Your spouse must be pointed not to grace, but to the one from whom all grace flows. ... Grace–amazing, persistent grace–is helping us each day to run the race of renouncing, living, waiting, and wanting ... The grace of God has appeared with a power so stubborn that it will not allow sin to ultimately win. That’s remarkable news for the journey of marriage."

Remarkable news for the journey of marriage and just of LIFE, eh?!

Thank you, Pastor Harvey, for an excellent book and a sweet reminder of the greatness (and sweetness!) of Christ our Savior.

Hope you all enjoyed a restful Sabbath–

With love,
Tara B.

What kind of silly ol' Momma takes her girl on a zoo adventure when it’s barely 20 degrees out?
I do!



(It’s really OK if you just bundle up.)

Where else can you throw sticks into the river and count how long it takes them to float under the bridge?



Or get caught in a (pack? group?) of peacocks and peahens?



Mmmmmmmmmmm ... it was good to get home to cuddle under the blankies and wait for Poppa to get back from his church leader retreat.

Hope you had a great Saturday too–

Happily,
Tara B.

Groovin' to Handel’s SOULFUL Messiah and reading my Heidelberg Catechism ...

(How weird am I?! )

... and very encouraged by Q.28:

How does the knowledge of God’s creation and providence help us? We can be patient when things go against us, thankful when things go well, and for the future we can have good confidence in our faithful God and Father that nothing will separate us from his love. All creatures are so completely in his hand that without his will they can neither move nor be moved.

What a comfort!
What a comfort.

(Oooooh–Soulful Messiah is on, “Who may abide the day of His coming? And who shall stand when HE appeareth?!” You have just GOT to hear this recording if you haven’t already. It is absolutely one of our favorite holiday traditions EVER. So great.)

Back to God’s providence ...

You know, when I reflect back on the lowest time of my life to date, I can think of a few people who were steadfast in their conviction that God is good and trustworthy NO MATTER WHAT.

That “behind a frowning providence He hides a smiling grace.”

I remember feeling frustrated by their faith.

- A part of me wanting to believe.

- A part of me wanting to make the hurting STOP.

- A part of me wanting to HURT the person who was causing me so much pain.

But of course these dear saints were right to put their trust fully in God and to call me to do the same.

I don’t know for sure–but I would guess that a part of them grieved for my suffering. A part of them probably chuckled a bit at my immaturity–but then I’m sure that they also cheered me on in my (painful) journey of growth in grace. I’m sure they prayed for me.

Reflecting on all of this again today, I am reminded that all of the people who were steadfast in trusting God and calling me to trust God HAD SUFFERED HORRIBLY in their lives. Death of children, betrayed by Christians ... SUFFERED.

But on the other side of the fire? They said assuredly:

"That the eternal Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who out of nothing created heaven and earth and everything in them, who still upholds and rules them by his eternal counsel and providence, is my God and Father because of Christ his Son. I trust him so much that I do not doubt he will provide whatever I need for body and soul, and he will turn to my good whatever adversity he sends me in this sad world. He is able to do this because he is almighty God; he desires to do this because he is a faithful Father." (Q. 26)

Amen & Amen!

Thank You, God.
Thank you, Elector Frederick III and the synod in Heidelberg.
Thank you, SOULFUL Messiah musicians!



Blessed Saturday to you all–

Love,
Tara B.

Oh that we, and the children we raise, will never forget Pearl Harbor.

(5PM edit: Don’t miss PalmTree Pundit’s Post on Pearl Harbor too!)

(HT MilitaryMotivator for the photo!)

Just found World on the Web and I wanted to be sure that you all knew about it.

Even more Andree Seu! Wow! We are a blessed lot.

Thanks, World!
And thanks, Andree! You minister so much grace to us all.

Happy Friday–

Love,
Tara B.

PS
In Andree’s recent post, one of the commenters ("Joel Mark") put in two FANTASTIC Bonhoeffer quotes:

“You can only learn what obedience is by obeying. It is no use asking questions; for it is only through obedience that you can come to learn the truth.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer. The Cost of Discipleship (1937).

“Realization is not our goal, participation is.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together.

I’m working up a “dream resource table list” for my 2008 women’s events ... and I was wondering if any of you had any “you should add these books, Tara!” ideas.

I don’t want to have too MANY books ... because too many choices just overwhelms people.

BUT ... I’ve been thinking for some time now that I could “beef up” my offerings and add in a few new ones.

I’m praying about adding some or all of these books.

- A Quest for More (Paul Tripp)
- Running Scared (Ed Welch)
- When Sinners Say I Do (Dave Harvey)
- Age of Opportunity (Paul Tripp)
- Blame in On the Brain (Ed Welch)
- Caught Off Guard (William P. Smith)
- Depression: A Stubborn Darkness (Ed Welch)
- How People Change (Lane & Tripp)
- The Cross-Centered Life (Mahaney)
- The Enemy Within (Lundgaard)
- Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be (Plantinga)
- Shepherding a Child’s Heart (Tripp)
- Women Helping Women (Fitzpatrick/Cornish)
- In Christ Alone (Ferguson)
- Uprooting Anger (Jones)
- First Catechism
- Don’t Make Me Count to Three (Plowman)

What do you think?
It’s TOO MANY to be sure–so do you have any ABSOLUTE FAVORITES?!?

Any other suggestions?

Thanks, all!

Love ya,
Tara B.

PS
The quote in my blog title comes from Paul Tripp’s new book, A Quest for More–Living for something bigger than you. It’s a keeper to be sure!

The exact quote is this:

"We are all capable of fighting for what has little value while forgetting things of transcendent value.

In a flash of irritation, a mom will treat the conditionof her son’s bedroom as being more valuable than the community she is to have with her son, which is so essential to what God wants to do for this boy through her ..."

Eeeek! Conviction! And a call to keep reading. My kind of book.

For two mornings now, I’ve woken up with a gentle (but heartbreaking) conviction of sin and foolishness.

Yesterday it related to my spiritual disciplines. I’ve actually been seeking counsel from my pastor on this one.

It seems to me that back in my earlier days of faith in Christ, I was WAY more disciplined re: Bible reading, prayer, private worship, etc. However, I was also living MUCH more from a “works” mentality wherein my relationship with God was based on MY behavior and my Christian “testimony” was based on WHAT I did–rather than on Christ. (Shudder!)

'Course, embracing the biblical truths that my relationship with God is based on CHRIST and my testimony is based on CHRIST doesn’t mean that I can just FORGET that I am called to engage in faith’s fight against sin every single day of my life. The Sword of the Spirit IS the Word of God and faith in Christ gives us the FREEDOM TO NOT SIN (not to be slothful!).

So I was convicted. But encouraged. Truly comforted. It was as if the very Spirit of God were saying:

"Back in the Word, Tara. Spend time studying and meditating on the Living Word of God. You’re starving yourself right now–thinking you can have a meal and then go hours, days without eating again. (So then you stuff yourself with things of no “nutritional” value.) I love you. Spend time with Me. The spiritual disciplines do not establish or maintain my love for you–but they are important."

(Isn’t that CONVICTION?! NOT condemnation. Oh–oh–thank You, God, that you truly are gentle and gracious with a sinner like me.)

Today, my “first thought of the day conviction” was on PARENTING. I’m just SO convicted that I am really a lazy parent. Well, I’m a COMBINATION of a lazy parent and an intentional parent.

Yes–yes–at times I do OK with intentionally giving Sophia my energy, attention, counsel, and love. I am SO BLESSED to get to be home with her! Fred works SO HARD so that I can be present with our daughter–and in some ways, I do OK with guiding her heart in the ways of God.

BUT ... we really do have this TUG in our home because I AM LAZY and Sophie has a LOT of STUFF. Toys, video DVDs, games, etc. have all been lavished on her by some extremely generous with stuff family members–and if I’m going to be honest ... by ME TOO. And the combination of toys/videos to DISTRACT her and my incredibly selfish LAZINESS? Well ... let’s just say that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the homes and parents I respect the MOST look a LOT DIFFERENT from the home I create for my daughter during a “normal” day “just with Mom.”

(Please don’t hear this like I think other homes are perfect. I don’t! Or that I think I’m just the worst mother ever and what I need to do is WORK HARDER. I swear! That’s not where I am. It’s more about the HEART.)

So anyway ... this morning, I had the gentle rebuking thought that it’s a combination of STUFF and LAZINESS on my part that are really tempting Sophia to give in to a selfish, ungrateful, demanding heart.

And I further had the thought that one of the ways that we might be able to help Sophie to develop a more content, grateful heart is to “tub up” a lot of her stuff (meaning, give a lot away and store the rest in labeled non-opaque tubs) ... and then gently “dole out” toys in appropriate amounts with appropriate adult supervision and encouragement/happy play.

(See? Not only would this help with “the stuff”–it would help with my laziness because it is a gentle call to be more diligent/intentional with her play as well.)

I always think of Laura Ingalls Wilder being SO happy with her little corn husk wrapped in a scrap of gingham as her doll. And it was not like her mom could just sit on the ground all day “playing” with her–no way! She was tilling the ground, planting / harvesting / canning their food, sewing their clothes (after spinning the yarn), feeding the animals, etc. etc. etc. And that was NOT an intellectually or relationally deprived environment.

Again ... I didn’t feel condemned by this conviction. Actually–it was the opposite! I felt encouraged and hopeful. I DO want to learn how to build REDEMPTIVE REST into our days so that BOTH of us can have the quiet/alone times that refresh us. And I DO want to be faithful regarding stewardship issues, encouraging contentment, etc. This morning’s conviction just showed me some weaknesses AND gave me some clear ideas for the future.

And all I can say is–THANK YOU GOD.

(I do believe it was of God ... because my flesh, the world, and the Enemy of our Souls sure would not EVER lead me in the way of wisdom or love/gratitude toward God.)

Hope you experience true encouragement and CONVICTION this very day! And NOT NOT NOT condemnation.

I just hate condemnation. I hate it in ME (how quick I am to BLAME and to JUDGE other people uncharitably). I hate being on the receiving end of it. And mostly? I HATE it when condemnation is given in the Church in the name of “Christian love”. AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! Ergh! BLECH.

The truth is that God does not condemn His children. He doesn’t!
He hates our sin, to be sure.
Our foolishness leads to some painful consequences–absolutely!

But He does NOT condemn us. He convicts us.

God the Father condemned CHRIST for us.
And He has given us His means of grace–His Holy Spirit living in our hearts, His Written Alive Holy Word, His Body and Bride–the Church–to convict us and help us to grow.

To grow in holiness? Yes!
But what does this MEAN?

LOVE. Love for God. Love for neighbor.
And FAITH! Faith in God’s love = Faith in God’s Son.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

Amen & Amen!
And Happy, Blessed Friday to you–

Soph and I are bringing chocolate cookies to Fred’s work today before ballet class.
Hey! Maybe I should bring a camera and show you guys the Peacemaker offices? Anyone interested?

Love ya bunches,
Tara B.

Sophia put on a few puppet shows today ...



And her “audience” really enjoyed the show ...



Ahhhhhhhh! Gotta love a quiet day at home without ANY errands.

Well ... I’m facing my toughest challenge so far re: parenting my darling (almost!) four year-old ...

She has apparently decided to become the Meryl Streep of preschoolers especially related to VOICES.

Whatever friend she spends time with, she COMPLETELY picks up on the voice/speech pattern of the OTHER CHILD.

Now, this is a little strange when it’s our (so sweet!) dear friend with the tiny baby lisp squeaky voice. I mean, I can’t say I enjoy it, but it doesn’t GRATE on me or anything.

But we have another friend (whom we ADORE and we would quickly lay down our LIVES for!) who OCCASIONALLY uses a terrifically nasally, whiny, LOUD, horribly annoying tone of voice. And this has suddenly become Sophia’s way of speaking.

From gentle tones to GRATING, NASTY, STRAINED, LOUD ........... I just can’t come up with words to describe how EXCEPTIONALLY ANNOYING this way of speaking is.

So, we’re working on it.

- Making sure she understands THAT she’s doing it and WHEN she’s doing it
- Clarifying that SHE also agrees that it is a disrespectful and unpleasant way of communicating
- Making sure that she can easily and readily go back to her “normal” (i.e., lovely!) way of speaking

... And then praying for PATIENCE for me and WISDOM as to HOW TO BREAK HER OF THIS HABIT!!!
(Because it really has become a habit now.)

Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

Yes, I see the (oft' bumpy, rocky) road ahead related to Sophie and relationships. (Already her “just trying to help” can come across as–the DREADED words I was told as a preschooler/Kindergartner!–"bossy" and “directive.”)

Yes, yes, I know that her propensity to think fast and argue persuasively means that MAN she could be a MASTER MANIPULATOR if she were allowed to go down that path without love, prayer, a call to repent/change, and practical help to actually live a different way.

BUT THIS VOICE THING IS DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY BATTY!!
(So of course I’M the one who has to repent and ask her to forgive ME for my disrespectful communication when I lose my temper and raise my voice.)

Oooooooooooh ... therein squats the proverbial toad, eh?

Because the TRUTH is that although Sophie really DOES do a SMACK ON rendition of our little friend’s voice ...

The place I MOST hear a whiner is ME.

I’ve always been told it’s a DRAG to see your sins and weaknesses reflected in your kids.

And MAN am I seeing them today.
(But lots & lots of blessings too. Truly.)

And so, and so ... another day to remember that God is in control.
He remembers that we are but dust.
He never forsakes His children.
He will never forsake our children either.

O! That I will run to God–
And bear patiently with my lovie bear, Sophie.
I do love her so much!
And she is SO quick to forgive.

Thank God! Thank God!
I do.

Happy, Blessed Thursday–

Love,
Tara B.

I found a recipe for “buttermints” in a magazine and thought they might be fun to make with Sophia ... and they were!

Butter, sugar, peppermint oil ... pink, blue, green and white ... once I had it all kneaded out and rolled into balls, Sophie “squished” 'em down and placed one tiny little white snowflake on top:



They have to set up for two days, so I don’t really know if they actually TASTE good. But how bad can butter & sugar & peppermint be?

Oh–and we also tried a super-duper-chocolate-cocoa-deluxe cookie recipe that Auntie Penny sent us. They were a big hit.



Hope you’re enjoying a lovely day!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
While we were baking, Lili snuggled into Sophie’s “fort” by the heater vent. Oh, sweet Lili! You make me smile.

Totally had to chuckle at something Sophie said recently ...

She had sinned pretty badly last week and she had some very painful consequences–one of which was the loss of some of her favorite DVDs for an entire week. (They get put onto my dresser so she can see them, but not touch them. I mentally refer to it as her TOY PRISON. If all goes well, they’ll be SPRUNG tomorrow after ballet class. )

Anyway ... a few days after her sinful behavior and the imposition of this painful consequence, she came over to me very remorsefully and said:

"I’m really sorry that I did that, Mom."

(I’d tell you the specifics of what she did but I don’t yet have her permission to share them publicly. Oooooh–sort of like Calvin & Hobbes NOODLE incident, eh?)

I thought:

"This is great! Sophie is really sorry for what she did. Hooray! Repentance! Thank You, God!"

But then she COMPLETED HER THOUGHT by saying:

"... because 101 Dalmatians is my FAVORITE movie and I really wish I hadn’t lost the privilege of watching it for a WHOLE WEEK."

Ooooooh! So close. And yet so far.

I just don’t think there could be a clearer example of worldly sorrow. Do you?

"For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

Thank God that He gives us more grace.

Oh, how I see my OWN HEART as I parent my precious, beloved, wonderful, delightful, totally depraved and in need of grace child.

Please God, forgive my worldly sorrow that is only sad because I have a painful consequence.
Please change me and cause me to TRULY repent–to feel the WEIGHT of my sin against YOU.
May I learn to love the things you love and hate what you despise.

Amen & Amen!

Blessings to you on this Tuesday morn–

Yours,
Tara B.

Not to become a clearinghouse of Christian conciliation cases or anything ...

(So if I get too many emails after this post, I’m going to bring it down.)

But I know two very gifted Christian conciliators who need a couple of FORMAL mediation or arbitration cases in order to earn their Certification with the Institute for Christian Conciliation, a division of Peacemaker Ministries ...

So if you happen to know of some Christians in a conflict who maybe can’t afford the standard fees for a formal mediation/arbitration case–but who COULD afford the expenses associated with coming to Billings, Montana and who could afford a (very!) reduced fee, I would like to introduce the people you know (who are in a conflict) to these conciliators that I know (who are qualified and eager to help).

No promises, of course. Everyone involved (including their local church leaders) would still need to make a wisdom decision as to whether they would be appropriate conciliators for the specific conflicts.

But this I can state with absolute assurance: I know that these two people would never accept a case unless they truly believed that they could serve God and serve the parties well.

I trust these conciliators with my life. They have helped me with a serious conflict–so I can personally attest to their giftedness as mediators–and I have enough regular contact with them to say that beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they are wise, loving, God-centered, and truly gifted peacemakers.

They’re just having a bit of a challenge getting formal case hours because they’re SO busy DOING peacemaking in their local church that they just haven’t had as many formal case opportunities.

So please keep this post in mind–and drop me an email if you know of some Christians who need help.

Oh–actually ... FIRST, could you please ask them to read the "Get Help with a Conflict" section of the Peacemaker Ministries website? Although these conciliators do not work for Peacemaker Ministries and they would not be representing Peacemaker Ministries in ANY capacity ... they (and I) only provide conciliation services in a manner consistent with the Peacemaker Ministries Rules of Procedure for Christian conciliation, so that would be a good place for our dialogue to start.

OK ... back to work for me. Hope this helps some Christians who are in a conflict AND these dear mediators too.

Love ya and God bless,
Tara B.

It just seems like yesterday I was holding this little muffin in my arms and enjoying the treasure of “momma milkies” and “baba milkies” with a newborn.

Hard to believe this is our little almost-four-year-old Sophia Grace!

(SO happy to have “Christmas/4-year old photos” scratched off of my to-do list! )

Love,
t

OK. Seriously. This is in NO way a criticism of men–especially not my husband who (you are SO right, Andrew!) REALLY IS “Fred the Valiant.”

But at friend/prayer group this morning one of the women–not whining, not complaining–just factually stated that all of the STUFF of December/the holidays really DOES fall heavily on WOMEN, not men.

(I.e., dollars to donuts, no men woke up this morning thinking about the Christmas dress/outfit for the kids; Angel Tree gift/donations that need to be purchased, wrapped & delivered; holiday photo & letter to write, copy, fold, stuff, stamp, seal, etc. etc.; baking, shopping, thrift store searching, wrapping, parties, etc. etc. etc.)

However ... it’s not like any of our other womanly duties are LIFTED from our shoulders during this season. Bathrooms still need scrubbing, that pesky ol' habit of our families needing meals continues, dust accumulates, homework/schooling continues, bosses need reports and emails need answering ... etc. etc.

But IN ADDITION, we have these other responsibilities/goals/desires associated with “the season.” Truly: it can be extraordinarily easy to feel overwhelmed and then respond in graceless, faithless, and loveless ways.

Personally? I tend to extremes in my responses and I wonder if any of you can relate ...

1. We whip ourselves into a FRENZY and rush around, crazily being TOO driven by our to-do lists. We bark orders, use a harsh tone, and proceed to make everyone MISERABLE ... all to “celebrate the season.”

(Hah. 'Tis almost as ironic as having a big fight while writing a book called Peacemaking Women. Double hah.)

2. The piles and dust and shopping and PEOPLE-oriented STUFF (especially for us introverts!) FREAK US OUT and we become PARALYZED. We freeze. Not only do we NOT do any of the “holiday extra” stuff–we avoid even our daily duties and seek to ESCAPE by exercising too much, shopping online and spending money we don’t have for stuff we don’t need (BTW–as a quick aside–don’t you just HATE obligatory gift giving? I do!), EATING too much, reading too long, mindlessly watching television hour after hour, habitual sexual sin, drugs/alcohol ... you name it!

We do anything and everything OTHER than what we OUGHT to be doing because what we ought to be doing feels WAY too overwhelming and hard.

What a mess!

Getting “everything done” doesn’t fix the problem. (Because life continues! There’s always more to do. ALWAYS. So even the satisfying “CHECK!” as we scratch something off of our to-do list doesn’t LAST.)

Running away doesn’t fix the problem–and usually it just makes things worse. (When we finally pull out of our binge, all of the TO-DO’s are STILL THERE ... but now we’re 20 lbs overweight (or perfectly proportioned but FIXATED on our LOOKS), hungover, guilt-ridden for the junk we let our eyes watch, in credit card debt, etc.)

So what hope is there for us?

Well ... the gospel. Christ. Of course.
The reason for the season; the Hope of Glory.
(He is! He really is!)

But what does it look like in real life to remember what we claim to believe?

For me? Yesterday? It looked like a sort of dry worship service–not that our church is dry, just my heart. I felt tired and restless. I felt sad and stressed and overwhelmed.

But it was a communion Sunday–and I am just SO grateful for this tangible reminder that Body of the Lord was broken for me. His blood was spilled for me.

Yes, God kisses us when we partake of the bread and the wine.
HE does this. Not us.

Our salvation? Our growth in sanctification? Our future glorification when we will be like Him and be DONE with this fallen world and our Old Man and the Enemy of our souls? GOD’S WORK. The indicative. All of it. HIM. Who God IS and all that HE has already done for us in Christ. The gospel.

Also? We get to work. But not in a frenzied, awful way. Just diligence. Not afraid. Not bound and anxious. Just faithful.

And we help each other! We are MINDFUL of each other. We seek to serve. (Just like my friends this morning who offered to add my TWO things to their long Walmart shopping lists and save me the BLECH of having to tackle Walmart today! Hooray!)

Fred helped me SO much in this when, after church, he literally said:

"Tara, please make me a list. Write down the things that I could do that would help you the most and relieve some of this pressure."

And so I did.

No, Fred can’t return event emails or know which Christmas flamingo PJ’s from my sister are for her and which are for me, so he can’t help wrap presents. Those piano accompaniments I was OH SO HAPPY about last week–that now are scaring me because I wonder if I can really play them!–he can’t practice them for me. He’s not very good at organizing all of our paperwork ... and no, he can’t take a nap for me (which is really what I needed and what he encouraged me to do).

But he was GREAT at cleaning the bathrooms and scrubbing out the crockpot. (Hey PalmTree Pundit! I made your Tortilla Soup! Yum-num-nummy!) He’s the man when it comes to vacuuming and he happily played his part in Sophie’s grand plotline involving a pet store and multiple super-cool tropical animals.

Fred helped me to remember the gospel by NOT responding to my emotions/panic with anything other than:

- Calm encouragement: “It’s going to be OK. Really. You’re not alone. God is with you. I’m here to help too.”

- Wise counsel: “Just try to do the next thing, Tara. What ONE thing would really help you to feel like you’re making progress? What is weighing you down that REALLY doesn’t HAVE TO be done today/this week/this month? Can you move anything OFF of your to-do list?”

- And practical HELP : “I’ve got Sophia. I’ll do those cleaning tasks so that you can have a Sabbath rest and maybe bite off a chunk of your to-do’s when you’re ready.”

(Oh–and just so you know that I do try to bless him too ... when his beloved Chicago bears came on the television, I kept Sophie and the dog away and served him multiple bowls of tortilla soup as he sat transfixed for hours. Oh yeah, and the last thing on my “dream help Tara to-do list for Fred” was a little canoodling with the wifey. )

If I could ... I’d be a Fred for you and try to give you this same encouragement, wise counsel, and practical help as you strive to remember the gospel during this busy holiday season!

Much to do–so I’ll sign off now.
Remember! There is always grace for the day.
You are not alone.
Emmanuel. God with us.
The Body–The Church. There is a home for you and for me.

Happy, Blessed Monday!

Yours,
Tara B.

I save funny essays / blogs / whatever in a file and when I hear that someone is in the hospital and could use a little diversion, I print it off and read them my favorites or send it to them in an email or snail-mail if they’re out of town.

They are mindless. They are not theologically accurate. They’re just silly and they have made me laugh for YEARS so I keep 'em.

Anyway–I sent the file to my friend whose son had emergency brain surgery last week and I keep cracking up over some of them–so here’s hoping I don’t lose too many of you wonderful blog readers by revealing my weird sense of humor.

Grinningly,
Tara B.

Bargain Children’s Books

- You Are Different, and That’s Bad

- The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

- Bobby Was So Bad His Mom Stopped Loving Him

- Some Kittens Can Fly

- The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

- Strangers Have the Best Candy

- Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

- Controlling The Playground: Respect Through Fear.

Kids' Little Instruction Book on Life

"Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching."
-Andrew, Age 9

“Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.” -Rocky, age 9

"When your dad is mad and asks you, ‘Do I look stupid?’
don’t answer him." -Heather, age 16

“Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.” -Michael, age 14

“Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.”
-Joel, age 12

“Never try to baptize a cat.” -Laura, age 13

“Never do pranks at a police station.” -Sam, age 10

“Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.”
-Phillip, age 13

"Remember the two places you are always welcome-church and
Grandma’s house." -Joanne, age 11

Things That it Took Me 50 Years to Learn (by Dave Barry)

- The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

- There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

- When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

- Your friends love you, anyway.

- No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

(Please don’t take this post too seriously! Love–tkb)

Surprising Good

Couldn’t BELIEVE it when the friends who have the lab & Golden–where Lilikoi goes for her “puppy play dates”–told me that their neighbor came over the other night quite surprised to find THEIR two dogs rummaging all over the neighborhood, “while another Golden Retriever sat at the edge of their driveway looking quizzically at the other two dogs.”

Huh? Our Lili? Actually doing something GOOD? Weird. And rare.

Surprising Bad

(NOT bad in the NOT eternal/important sense ... just surprising) ...

When Sophie and I were running errands last week, I had to do a return at Ben Franklin’s. Minutes later, at Sears, I realized that the Ben Franklin’s clerk had not returned my Visa. No biggie. Accidents happen. No prob.

I quickly headed back to get my Visa–and the store clerk happened to be walking OUT of the store on a break. “Oh, yeah, you forgot your Visa,” she says. And then she proceeds to reach NEXT TO THE CASH REGISTER (right out in public where people are MILLING all around!) where my credit card is just SITTING THERE OUT IN PLAIN VIEW!!

I was so surprised I didn’t even say anything. So weird. I’m just glad nothing bad happened–eek.

(Sorry. No big life lessons here or anything. I’ve just been meaning to tell you guys these two stories. )

We’re having lots of fun around here ...

Super Cool Thomas the Tank Engine Track Configuration



Forts by the Heating Vent (Lili sneaks in when not occupied by Sophia)



My Table at the Ladies' Christmas Brunch!



Our Very Special Guests (Auntie Samara & Best Friend Scout)!!



(Lilikoi tried to crash the photo ...)



Thank God for Friends!



And for SERVANT LEADER Husbands ...
Wanna see LOVE? Wanna see headship NOT warped into sinful domination?

How about a husband who watches two four-year olds so that you and your best friend can go to a ladies' brunch and then, when you get home, UNLOADS all three boxes of your dishes, cups, silverware, and glasses ... and then UNPACKS and CLEANS them while he encourages you to go and have fun shopping with “the girls”?



Thanks, Fred.
I love you!!

And Happy Saturday, everyone!
Hope your Sabbath is restful and God-centered tomorrow.

Love ya,
Tara B.