considerable grace

Do you remember how, when I’m teaching on the “fear of Man,” I often say something to the effect of:

"How much time do you spend thinking about what other people think about you? Because the truth is ... people think about us a lot LESS than we could ever imagine.

And in fact, most people are so busy thinking about what we think about THEM, that they don’t have TIME to think about what they think about us."

(Hmmmmmmmmm ... I’m hoping that’s clearer when spoken, because in re-reading it, that is pretty obscure.)

ANYWAY ... in an email from a friend and a call with dear Samara-lara today, I was reminded of just how true this is.

In both cases, I was reminded that my propensity to be hyper-self-critical AND assume that others are too is just, well, silly.

The first instance had to do with that magazine interview that I’ve felt badly about. My friend told me today that she had read it, and that it was just fine. My hyper-sensitivity-word-smithing-every-detail, she reminded me, is just NOT how most people would read it. They would, instead, glance at it and think, “Oh, there’s a chick named Tara who tries to encourage people to remember who they are in Christ and then live that out in their relationships. Cool.”

The second had to do with this REALLY DUMB thing I did at church a few weeks ago. (I finally worked up the courage to tell Samara the story when we were talking today.)

It was Palm Sunday and Sophie was singing in the choir and we couldn’t SEE Sophie from our “normal” seats. (Do you have “normal” seats in your church?? Where people just usually sit and everyone knows it ... well, except for VISITORS. Cue the scary music.)

So I went into the sanctuary EARLY in order to “save seats” where we could see Soph.

I intentionally picked seats that I THOUGHT wouldn’t inconvenience people. Yeah, right.

INSTEAD, I ended up INADVERTENTLY booting a family out of “their seats” (and feeling HORRIBLE and STUPID once I saw what I had done) AND inconveniencing VISITORS who were there for a baby’s baptism.

** I just wanted to CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND DIE!!! **

It LOOKED like I was putting MY COMFORT above everyone else’s ... but I REALLY REALLY REALLY didn’t mean to do that!! I even tried to move to the back once I saw what I had accidentally done, but then Fred had us move to the FRONT ROW and I was mortified. (I was flushed for HOURS and I still cringe when I think about it. Oh, and yes, this was the “big fight day” that I blogged about a few weeks ago. )

ANYWAY ... Samara said that PROBABLY no one even noticed and even if they did, they didn’t care and I CERTAINLY shouldn’t be stressed about going back to church. (I had been commenting on how I hadn’t been in church since then because of this annoyingly persistent fever.) She said I don’t need to have any more sleepless nights or minor-"PTSD"-Tara-stress-out feelings related to it ... that it was probably a THOUSAND times worse inside of my HEAD than it was to anyone else.

And, yes, I am sure she is (as usual) RIGHT.

So that’s what I’m telling myself as I try to get some sleep tonight and MAYBE get rid of this (102 degree!! STILL!!) fever tonight.

I’m also telling myself what SOPHIE told me today:

"Don’t be afraid of the mouse king, Momma!" (She had been dancing the Nutcracker for Fred and me and I feigned a bit of fear during the fight sequence.)

“God made you and Jesus is with you. He made your body AND He gave you a soul that will LAST FOREVER. And God is WAY bigger than the mouse king.”

Amen, sister daughter! Preach it! Preach on.

G'nite, all! And God bless–

Yours,
Tara B.

I wanted SO BADLY to go to church this morning! I got out of bed, willed myself to cuddle/play with Sophia and Lilikoi, made them breakfast, and tried to psych myself into health. Plus, I made a little plan in my head: “I’ll go LATE, not talk to ANYONE, and leave EARLY. That way I won’t make anyone sick!”

Yeah, right. A chesty cough, productive Kleenex-needing, and a fever over 101 all combined to prevail on my conscience. Even IF I could’ve sat upright for our church’s 1 hr 45 min service, I would’ve sat their judging myself for putting MY wants above serving my neighbor. (For surely, my pleasure in getting to be in church could never justify infecting the people around me. What a jerky thing that would be!)

So I’m dozing off and on, listening to the radio, and reading Bonhoeffer:

"The passion of Christ strengthens us to overcome the sins of others by forgiving them. He becomes the bearer of other person’s burdens–"Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2).

As Christ bears our burdens, so ought we bear the burdens of our fellow men and women. The law of Christ, which it is our duty to fulfill, is the bearing of the cross. The burden of my brother and sister which I must bear is not only their outward lot, their natural characteristics and gifts, but quite literally their sin. And the only way to bear that sin is by forgiving it in the power of the cross of Christ in which I now share.

Thus, the call to follow Christ always means a call to share the work of forgiving others their sins. Forgiveness is the Christ-like suffering which it is the Christian’s duty to bear." (from A Testament to Freedom, emphasis added)

May we pray daily for the faith and grace to forgive as we have been forgiven!

Because ... aren’t we desperate for forgiveness every single day? I know I am.

Hope you enjoy a restful, God-centered Sabbath!

Yours,
Tara B.

Molly had another great post over at the Peacemaker Ministries blog. She linked to an article on “Church Forward”:

Restoring Integrity to Church Membership

Hope you enjoy!
– tkb

I truly marvel at how differently Fred and I sleep.

Take this morning. 3:30AM, Soph comes into our room after having a vivid dream.

I tuck her into bed between us, comfort her, give her kisses, and she is fast asleep.

I think Fred stirred a bit–but he’s snoozing away in moments.

Me? WIDE AWAKE. Congested, achy, slightly damp from the cycle of my fevers ... but wide awake in that exhausted middle of the night way.

So now I’m downstairs reading and hoping I’ll get sleepy again soon.

Sophie was so cute coming home from the missions night. They had “made maracas” (from soda cans & beans), her pockets were full of Mexican coinage and candy (apparently from the pinata), she had made a Mexican flag ... and mostly, she had just had a wonderful night with people we love.

I hope you’re all sleeping soundly and happily! (Except you, Anne, because it’s not night-time in Hawaii, is it?? Well ... even if not, I’m hoping you’re getting to take a NAP! )

Yours,
Tara B.

Our dear friend just swung by with her three children to pick Sophie up for our church’s Missions Weekend Friday night fun.

I think that there will be tortillas and pinatas–and I know that everyone will get to visit with two of our favorite people in the world. C&A are missionaries to Mexico and we respect and cherish them SO much. I can’t believe that we don’t even get to say hello–but it’s my understanding that if you have a 102-degree fever, you’re contagious, right? So home we stay. Miserable, uncomfortable, and home.

Two things I wanted to post on quickly before I head back to bed:

1. These missionaries are the first missionaries where, as a family, we have made a “commitment for life.” Meaning ... unless something dramatically changes in our lives, and even to the point of having to do without as a family, we are committed to financially supporting them wherever the Lord takes them for life.

We had never even considered such a commitment before, but then my “spiritual father” (Captain Dave) made some passing comment to me last fall about missionaries that he and his bride had supported for some 30+ years and how they would support them until they (the missionaries) died “because that’s the commitment you make when you support a missionary.” I brought this up to Fred, we prayed about it, and then we made the same commitment.

Now we are praying more faithfully, Sophie is very connected to not only these missionaries but all of the ministries happening in Mexico (and other countries where we support missionaries), and we are just so grateful to God for laying that on our hearts.

2. I just wanted to mention how, in my pity-pot-party mood, when I’m sitting there so sad “because I don’t have any friends,” God has my friend (who works EXTREMELY hard taking care of her OWN three young children) call me up and offer to take Soph to the missionary night tonight (because we’ve been looking forward to it SO much). Such a friend.

ANYWAY–sorry to not be a more productive blogger this week. I honestly haven’t been much of a productive human being–and certainly no measure of a wife or mother.

I hope to feel better soon and serve you better soon too!

Travel kicks back in next Thursday–so I usually have time to think and study and write when I’m on the road.

Blessed Friday night to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

It might be hard to believe, but I’m getting worse health-wise.

My working hypothesis is that when my immune system was down, I actually acquired FRED’s flu ... so rather than getting better, I’m just on the down-tick of another virus. Blech.

But all that aside ... I DID make Fred laugh today, so that makes me happy.

I brought in the mail and told him, “Great news! The Smiths wrote us!”

The “Smiths” (not their real name) are these missionaries who, apparently, in 1989 (when Fred was NINETEEN) visited an Intervarsity meeting and Fred checked some sort of “stay in touch” box and now, for almost TWENTY YEARS they have written him support letters.

Fred has never supported them financially and they have never been in his “pray for missionaries” rotation.

When I came on the scene in 1993, I encouraged him to write them and explain that he is not going to support them and request that they please remove him from their mailing list. But we continue to get the letters.

I’ve written them with the same “please don’t waste Kingdom resources writing us” appeal–but we still get their letters.

Now, I am no missionary expert! But I do have a teeny-tiny-sliver of MBA/business brain cells left and I just don’t know why they continue to send these letters to us. I wish they would do a little return-on-investment analysis and say, “Hey, we should stop writing these folks.”

But even if they don’t, at least I got to make my husband chuckle.

Hope your Thursday is going well!

I’ve been reading Noel Piper’s Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God, so that’s been quite inspirational.

Back to bed–

Yours,
Tara B.

Hey, husbands! Wanna bless your wife with the BESTEST Mother’s Day / birthday / ANY day gift EVER??

Or women too? Wanna capture a special memory or bless someone you really really love?

I just got off the phone with my bestest bud Samara and guess what I found out? TJ has TIME this month to do a few CUSTOM COMMISSIONS!

This is a big deal because it’s been a few years since he’s really had time to devote to a lot of commissions because (thankfully!) he’s been so busy with gallery and online sales.

SO ... grab a favorite photograph of a home, landscape, animal, or person and contact Taylor today for a quote:

Taylor Lynde Gallery

You’ll never regret it.

We cherish every single Taylor Lynde painting that we own and we have given them as gifts to many of our favorite people in the world.

Let me show you just three of my favorites ...



(In this one, Sophie is cuddling with my childhood teddy bear (a gift from my paternal grandmother when I was a child), our engagement photo is on the table, and her favorite blankie is on the chair too.)



(This one is from when Sophie started violin lessons at age two and a half. Her itty bitty violin was SO sweet! I posed it next to my mother’s family clock and our family photos are on the wall.)



(This one wasn’t actually a commission, but it was painted from a photo taken during our first Easter trip to visit the Lyndes in Helena and I LOVED how Sophie was in the background (in the little white t-shirt). Plus, it’s just such a happy memory.)

Please let me know if you end up with a painting so that I can celebrate with you!

Love and blessings,
Tara B.

Sweet quotes from Sophia Grace today:

- (After she came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek and I asked her why she kissed me.) “I kissed you to encourage you, Momma.”

- (After I apologized for being such a grump today.) “It’s OK, Momma. I love you even when you’re grumpy just like God loves me even when I’m grumpy.”

- (After Fred encouraged me all day long to rest and not worry about the chaos/piles/laundry AND after he worked a LONG time making us all dinner even though he and I had absolutely NO appetite.) “Momma? Why does daddy nap all day but you don’t even though you are both sick? Shouldn’t you be resting too?”

(That last one totally cracked me up.)

And just a TINY bit of clarification on a MISQUOTE just in case any of you read the magazine article on peacemaking that mentioned me:

In my LIFE I have never said that peacemaking is fun. Never. Well, other than to say, “I will NEVER stand before you and tell you that peacemaking is fun.” I guess in the context of that ENTIRE sentence, I’ve said it. But seriously? Other than that, I’ve never even thought the thought (more or less made the statement) that peacemaking is fun.

I mean, really! Give me a break. Peacemaking is often hard, painful, distressing, full of dying to self, horribly frightening (to have to actually TRUST GOD and LIVE BY FAITH), time-consuming, annoying, difficult, messy AND downright unpleasant.

Yes, yes, it’s worth it. Reconciliation is SWEET and true friendship is a glimmer of Heaven. But “fun” is just not a word I would use to describe peacemaking.

Yes, it is an HONOR and JOY to serve as a mediator even amongst the most conflicted and despairing of people. It is a privilege to be present as God is working in the lives of His people. But living in relationship with people is hard and working through conflicts is extremely hard.

(Oh! There are so many more things I want to clarify/fix/explain what I ACTUALLY said/better represent the Lord, the ministry of peacemaking, women in general re: that article! But Fred says, “Let it go, Tara. Let it go.” And so I shall.)

Last load of laundry is in the dryer. I can actually see the floor in the living room. If I have the energy tomorrow, I’m going to tackle the chaos of my office (eek!) and the schoolroom (double eek!).

Fever is down to 101.5! Any day now, I should feel better, right?

THANKS for the kind emails and blog comments too.

Encourage: To pour courage into the heart of another.

Thanks for encouraging me today.

G'nite and God bless!

Love,
Tara B.

PS
Wanna know when I actually started to feel a TEENY bit better today? It was when I was reading the Westminster Confession. HOW WEIRD AM I??? But it was just so encouraging and edifying (AND orderly too–just like Civ Pro in law school ... linear, organized, footnoted. It makes sense. It’s logical. For a few minutes, I could wrap my mind around something and be comforted by the truths (The Truth) to which it points me.)

Plus, Sophie and I read our Psalm and after a little discussion, she prayed back one of God’s attributes as revealed in the Psalm we read. ("Thank You, God, that you hear us when we pray to you every day.")

"Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me. I cried out to him with my mouth; his praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!" Psalm 66:16-20

I still think I’m WEIRD to be comforted by the Westminster Confession, but HEY! God hears me when I pray, so what else really matters?

Just a little SHOUT OUT to say THANK YOU to Crossroads Presbyterian Church for the beautiful and encouraging card today! Perfect timing in light of the grouchy-just over-watered a plant and spilled water everywhere-kind-of-day I’m having.

!

I am very much looking forward to being with you all!
Just a few weeks now. Boy! The time is flying.

Happy Wednesday–
Tara B.

What a nasty day I am having.

My heart is BLACK.

I am grouchy, sad, and frustrated.

My day started out bad and then went downhill from there.

I tried to blog out a bit of my frustration this morning–but then immediately DELETED it. (Did any of you read my ranting in your automatic notice? How bad was I, I wonder?)

So now I just need to survive the afternoon without taking my exhaustion and frustration out on poor, sweet, darling Sophie who is kind and cuddly and full of kisses even when her momma is a JERK. Nice kid.

Hey! Even in the two minutes it’s taken me to write this, my day is looking up! The WORLD’S BEST UPS DRIVER just brought us a package ... so I think that Sophie MAY have some new arts & crafts to keep her occupied this afternoon. (I used the free shipping off of Amazon to get some goodies for her as soon as Fred and I TANKED with this flu last Saturday.)

We did a super fun needlepoint yesterday and those little circle thingies that you put on the pattern and then iron together (I have no idea what they are called) on Monday. Today is, I think, color-by-number day.

So ... thanks for listening to me whine. Sometimes I just feel so isolated and alone–like there isn’t one person in the WORLD who knows me or cares a rip about me; so HORRIBLY INCOMPETENT–an utter failure in every single area of life; so duplicitous–I claim to be a Christian but then I am given to despair like THIS? Give me a break!

But here is some truth ...

1. All of this will feel better in 48 hours when my hormones swing back to normal (ahhh–Tara’s 32-35 day grouchy/happy/grouchy blog cycle continues) AND when I finally get over this EXHAUSTING FEVER. It is just WIPING ME OUT. I am totally miserable.

2. I do have a few true friends–and that is a grace. But who I REALLY need to cry out to now is God. God created me and knows me better than anyone–even myself! And amazingly, He delights in being in relationship with me. (Saved – “in accordance with His pleasure and will”!)

3. There are some areas in my life that are in need of serious improvement, and I am called to apply myself to growing in faith and godliness in those areas. HOWEVER ... I will NEVER get my act together and sitting around focusing on my failures and inadequacies is neither helpful nor godly. If it were Christianly to judge and condemn myself, then I should keep doing it–but it is not. Rather, I am called to love God and love neighbor. And the same gospel that saves you saves me REGARDLESS OF HOW I FEEL.

So there you have it–tired, grouchy, hormonal Tara. Quite the peacemaking woman, eh?! Yeah, right.

But God is quite the Peacemaking God.

Hope your day is going better than ours!

With love and even a little smile,
Tara B.

You probably know that when you have a fever of 102.5, your skin and entire body just ACHE. (That’s been our experience these last couple of days.)

BUT ... did you also know that there is a FLU MEDICINE available for the Influenza-A (respiratory) flu (that Fred has)??? I didn’t!

But after he spent ALL NIGHT coughing (and given his history of pneumonia), I called the doctor this morning and they said, “Get him in right now. If we catch it within a 48-hour window, there is a medicine that can help. HIM. Not you.”

(No meds for the gastro-flu. Oh well.)

SO ... after our sainted friend took a very healthy Sophie to co-op (AND took of all of my teaching duties!), I drove Fred to the clinic. In addition to starting the medicine, they gave him some cough syrup with codeine ... so hopefully he’ll be able to sleep even just a tiny bit. Poor guy.

Other than all THAT this morning, I’m just in “trying to feel better and deal with the chaos of our house” mode.

A big blessing? My two lots of clothes off of Ebay came this week (I can usually outfit Sophie for an entire SEASON off of one or two Ebay lots) ... so once I feel up to it, I’m going to tackle putting away/giving away winter clothes and start in on organizing shorts & skirts & sun dresses.

Why did I mentioned PRIDE in this post? Because I was thinking (in my fevered / all day in bed state) yesterday how:

1. Many times, when I can’t figure out or “FIX” something right away, I panic/freak out.

2. Often, my “the room is spinning, I can’t get on top of this” FEAR comes across as ANGER.

3. At the root of this? Deep down? IS PRIDE. I don’t want to look bad. Either I’ve done something selfish/stupid or I LOOK like I’ve done something selfish/stupid ... and I want to CONTROL/FIX the situation SO THAT I DON’T LOOK BAD.

Blech. Who will rescue me from this body of death?
Thanks be to God for Jesus.

I pray that I will repent of my “comes across as anger” FEAR and my selfish heart of PRIDE too.

Hope you’re feeling healthy and enjoying a lovely Tuesday!

(Oh–and if you get a respiratory FLU with a fever, GO TO THE DOCTOR RIGHT AWAY!!! It’s not a typical “wait 7 to 10 days there is nothing they can do for the flu” situation any more.)

With joy,
Tara B.

Oh my STARS, but I just read one of the finest essays on INJUSTICE and THE GOSPEL that I have ever read:

Gospel and Injustice (by Pastor Anyabwile)

Please don’t miss it. Let me tempt you with just a brief excerpt:

"Examples of injustice abound. From the unkind word spoken to someone made in the image of God (Jam. 3:9) to prejudices and biases against people of a particular gender, ethnicity, or social standing (Jam. 2:1-4) to abuse and murder. Spending any amount of time contemplating the sheer amount of injustice in the world easily overwhelms us. In this world, injustice is intractable ...

But neither injustice nor the resulting wounds have the last word. There is healing available. There is reparation for the victim. But it can only be experienced by freshly appropriating the good news, clinging to the cross rather than to our injury." (emphasis added)

I was just commenting to Fred on how I really need to beef up my ability to quickly encourage people who are suffering. (Whenever I speak at a women’s retreat or conference, every single break and meal-time is spent talking with women–most of whom are suffering TERRIBLY.)

This essay (and the included Scriptures) provide a great start for my study and prep.

Thank you, Pastor Anyabwile!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
If you don’t want to read something thoughtful, gracious, and gospel-oriented about Pastor Jeremiah Wright (Senator Obama’s former pastor), don’t read these entries by Pastor Anyabwile:

- Confusing God and Government (don’t miss the COMMENTS on this one!)

- So We’re in Mark’s Study ...

Rare is the person who will actually LIVE OUT what Dr. Roger Nicole taught in his article Polemic Theology–What Do I Owe the Person Who Differs From Me?, but I think Pastor Anybwile hit the mark with these courageous (and accurate) posts.

Fred and I are still cooking along in the 101.6 - 102.0 fevered range, so not a lot going on in the Barthel home today.

But I did receive a nice email from my dad and his wife with photos of his new “sea scapes” and I wanted to share them with you to honor him:







My father is an engineer by training and life experience, but in his retirement and as he has battled cancer and heart troubles, he has taken to creating these “sea scapes” from sand, shells, and hand-crafted sea creatures. I know he would love to sell them to anyone with an interest in underwater scenes – so if you live by a beach or just like beach-themed handicrafts, please be sure to drop me a note.

Back to bed now!

Blessings,
Tara B.

Well ... I hope that your Easter was a much more fun and worshipful day than ours.

Last night, Fred and I grew progressively sicker and battled high fevers. (103 for an adult! No fun.)

This morning, I tried SO HARD to drag myself out of bed and get showered so that I could take Sophie to just the start of the church service so she could sing in the kids choir in her little Easter bonnet & white gloves ... but nope. I have the gastro-intestinal version (compared to Fred’s upper respiratory bug) and let’s just say that there was absolutely no way I could leave the house.

So Fred showered, drove Soph to church, she sang, and they came home. We’ve been pretty much in bed all day. Good thing Sophie likes to do mosaics and make cards and do legos and read and play by herself ... because we had pretty much NOTHING for her beyond basic safety, food, and “we love you” words.

It’s 11PM now and Fred and I just did competitive fever-checks and I’m still winning by a smidgen (101.6 to his 100). Oh, how I hope we’ll turn a corner tonight and tomorrow will be better.

All in all, though, I am very grateful ...

- That we got sick AFTER we were in Helena so that our trip wasn’t canceled AND so that the Lynde’s (who also were sick) didn’t have to worry about infecting us (because we were already sick even though we didn’t know it!)

- For my pastor wife calling me tonight to see if we needed any soup or medicine ... she is just so kind to us

- That we were able to get HOME last night BEFORE we became so icky gross sick (because it’s just SO MUCH better to be in your own home when you’re this kind of sick)

- For a daughter who makes us cards and cuddles with us and prays for us ... and plays on her own for hours and hours

- For Easter because that’s how I KNOW that this life in a fallen world with fallen bodies is NOT the end

I was also thinking today about how we all battle with sin. We do.

And sometimes it’s easy to think of our sin as being in some “special category”—that we are unique in our struggles. We look at a certain person or a certain family who really seems to “have it together” and then we look at our own lives and we feel like complete hypocrites, frauds, and selfish jerks.

But it’s not true. We all struggle in different ways at different times.

So we can be real with each other; face our sin; confess it; get help; and not be afraid ... because God has made a way for our sin to be ultimately defeated (in the next life) and defeated even in THIS life. That’s Easter.

I am grateful for the resurrection. It is the power of Christ in me. And you.

Our faith is not in vain.

Gotta lie back down now ... head starts spinning when I try to be upright for too long.

G'nite!
– Tara B.

We’re enjoying our annual trip to Helena to celebrate Easter & Spring & just spend time with our favorite friends.

Oh, how much we miss TJ, Samara, Scout & William! It’s great to be together.

Hope you enjoy the pics!

Yours,
Tara B.

The fun started with cookie decorating & indoor camping last night ...





This morning we were sad that both girls woke up with fevers & sniffles! But they still wanted to keep having a bit of fun (although we simplified things a lot).

We started the day with a trip to the hairdresser so that Sophie could have a little trim and Scouty could donate TEN INCHES of her gorgeous, THICK, amazing hair to “Locks for Love” to make wigs for children with cancer.



Then it was on to the Helena Carousel!





A nap-filled afternoon afforded Samara and I with lots of time to visit ... a little egg decorating and it’s time for night-night.



Thank You, God, for friends!

I received an email this morning from a dear woman who was actually one of my very VERY first “Tara’s doing a women’s retreat / not a formal Peacemaker Ministries staff member” event hosts. (I remember how AMAZED Fred and I were that our family had the honor of serving those women, their families, and their churches in that way. We’re still humbled and amazed.)

ANYWAY ... she made an off-hand comment about some of the ministries in which she is serving. (She is one of those people who serves and serves, but usually in secret–so people have NO IDEA in this life. But we’ll see the jewels in her crown at Jesus' feet in the next.)

And, though CONTENT and JOYFUL, she did mention how she “still doesn’t really feel that she has found her place.”

I responded to her something to the effect of:

It is a grace to just persevere and do the next thing, I think.

The longer I live, the more I am convinced that RARE is the person who feels as though they “find their place.” But there is a lot of love and ministry and service provided by people who do what they can with the energy, time, resources they have.

And I would add to that now just how much good COULD be done by people if they would STOP waiting for “the perfect fit” or “their happy place” or something that “feels right.”

This woman? SHE IS SERVING. With contentment and joy–given her present circumstances. To me? That’s faith. Love. Courage. Gospel living in action.

Thank you, D.T. for reminding me of what’s important.

So ... back to MY task for the morning.

Happy Thursday!
Happy first day of spring!

Love,
Tara B.

Thanks for the giggle, Anne (and the temptation to BUY THIS!!):

T-Shirt of the Day

Sophie came over to me yesterday, put her arms around me, and whispered in my ear:

"Momma, I will always love you. Even when you do something bad, I never stop loving you. I don’t love you because you do good things. I love you because you are my mother and no matter what, I will always love you."

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh ... grace.

I am JUST about to walk the dog. (Hah! I’ve been telling myself that for 45 minutes.)

But trying to work through emails/paperwork, I am convicted by just how CAREFUL I must learn to be when it comes to $$$$$$$.

I’ve had a number of “LITTLE” inconveniences related to money in the last month–and I think they are starting to pile up in my heart. (This is NOT good.)

Taken alone, they are no big deal. (Someone doesn’t pay the international shipping charge for something and our family just goes ahead and pays the $21 fee without saying something; someone else makes an error with their own paperwork and in addition to all of the time spent trying to serve them an unravel it, I find out this morning that I’M being charged a “processing fee” for their error; something that we thought was very clear (and fair) regarding $$ upsets someone so our family just eats it, etc.)

But BOY! For someone who will anonymously get cash to people if I think it might help them, I sure can have a VERY JERKY HEART toward these teeny tiny inconveniences.

It’s like I forget ENTIRELY:

- God’s gracious and generous provision for my LIFE (even as a teenager, college student, grad student, getting out of debt early married years, leaving “real” jobs to work for a ministry, etc.) and our FAMILY (with me having the JOY of being HOME with our muffin lovie bear daughter).

- ALL of the MANY people who NEVER hurt our family financially but are always OVER THE TOP in their fairness, wisdom, and generosity; understanding that it’s just our little FAMILY (not some big anonymous corporate ministry with lots of margin/savings), always being SO CAREFUL to remember the value of what we’re pouring out to try to serve and bless and NEVER putting $$$ above LOVE/encouragement of me as a human being who struggles and fails but is really, really trying hard.

Fred says, “LET IT GO.”

And of course he’s right.

I have a propensity to be generous when it is convenient for me and pecuniary when I feel unappreciated or “used.” But grace says DO THE OPPOSITE! BE THE OPPOSITE!

Big deal that you are generous with people you LOVE and ENJOY and you can serve without them even knowing. (Even pagans and tax collectors love those who love them.) That’s not hard. That’s not work.

But LOVE THE PEOPLE WHO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. (With wisdom, yes. These are wisdom calls!) Bless them. Overlook. Remember how blessed blessed BLESSED you are. How MUCH you forget God and put yourself above Him. But how merciful HE is to forgive you and love you.

NOW ... forgive as you have been forgiven; love as you have been loved. Then you’ll show yourself to be Mine.

Yes, yes. Conviction is good. Please change my heart, O Lord.

(Stupid ol' sin. Get me every time. Glad I can be forgiven.)

Blessed Tuesday to you!
– Tara B.

PS
When I ran my spell-check and quickly re-read this post, I was TOTALLY convicted of the old "There’s something about HER I can’t stand about ME" quote because I realized how quick I am to really be BOTHERED when people are (in my estimation) CRAZILY OVERLY CONCERNED about the SMALLEST amounts of money.

Two cases in point ... once someone (worth LOTS of money) helped me with a project that required (I’m not kidding!) like a $.58 (that’s 58 CENT!) reimbursement. And this person had a receipt. I totally laughed inside and thought, “Very strange but oh well. There’s probably a story here.” And I paid it and didn’t think that much about it other than thinking, “I hope I never do that to someone.”

Second story ... as a young pre-teen/teenager, I remember being in someone’s home when my period came unexpectedly. I asked the adult if she had any “supplies,” and she was NOT happy with me as she found FREE SAMPLES to give me to hold me over until I could get some of my own. She complained to me about how EXPENSIVE they are and how I should’ve BROUGHT MY OWN, etc. etc. You know ... even as a child, I remember thinking, “Wow. I hope I NEVER make someone feel this way if they are a guest in my home and need something. Anything. MORE OR LESS something I can help them with from FREE SAMPLES so it costs me NOTHING.”

'Course ... what is the TRUTH? I am JUST LIKE THEM only FAR FAR WORSE.

May God have mercy on me!! (He does. He does.)

If you are ever looking for a duplication company for your CDs or DVDs, I highly recommend:

Above All Multimedia Partners, LLC.
www.AboveAllMultimedia.com
847.506.0600

I found this company online YEARS ago (back when they were copying TAPES for me!) and I have never had ANY concerns with them.

They are incredibly prompt, professional, and courteous. Their prices are competitive (if not down-right DEALS) and they don’t require HUGE orders to reach those competitive prices.

I know that their profit margin can’t be that huge–I’m actually always thinking about margin when interacting with any small business ... guess I still have a few MBA brain cells left in there–but it is fair.

I have never had ANY problems with quality. Ever. And their shipping is actual cost–so you don’t lose out on having them out of town.

Sermon CDs? Your own studies? Keep them in mind.

I love to recommend them and I don’t think you’ll be sorry if you give them a try.

(Oh–and they have never asked me to direct people to them; I receive NO monetary benefit from doing so. I just really appreciate the good service they provide and I wanted to make sure you know about them.)

It’s 6AM! A new day! I’m plowing through emails, going to try to knock off another writing project this morning (and waiting at the Honda repair shop), walk the dog, read a little Bible & Luther, pick up a little CHAOS (that I didn’t tackle last night–I just had a WAVE of tiredness overtake me), and crank out another Tuesday.

Joy to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Fred laughed when he read my “We had our worst fight EVER” post and said, “We’ve had worse!”

I (wisely, don’t you think?! ) said, “Let’s not re-live them, so OK. I trust you that we’ve had worse.”

Sophie (in her Dalmatian costume) and I DID get all of your orders packed and SENT (with EIGHT MINUTES TO SPARE before the post office closed!), so that’s a load off of my mind.

I made it through my low energy day without defaulting to my habitual sins–so that’s GRACE, baby!

Now it’s bedtime for this Barthel Momma. I have to get the car in to the shop tomorrow because it “acted up” (as only a fifteen year old/130,000 mile car can do) this weekend and we’re REALLY hoping it is fixable because we’re supposed to go and see Samara & TJ & Scout & William this week in Helena.

(Samara laughed when I told her we’re having car trouble & I said I’D RENT A CAR before we’d cancel our trip this week, and SHE said, “OR YOU COULD BUY A NEW CAR.” She knows how we’re eeeeeeeeeking every last mile out of our grad school vehicle.)

ANYWAY ... the house is in chaos, but we had a good day of Bible / catechism / reading / learning to tell time / “Lollipop Logic” (we LOVE logic!!) / cheerleading dress up / SUPER SOPHIE dress up (another costume from Grandma Chris!) / dollhouse playtime with a parade included / making flags out of straws and scrap paper / MORE SHRINKY DINKS / some Max & Ruby videos / reading some favorite books / a CARD from ALASKA (Hi Auntie Judy!) ... and more cuddles and kisses than I can count. (Ahhhhhhhhh ... I’m glad I have a kissy, cuddly kid.)

I hope your Monday went well too!

G'nite and God bless,
Tara B.

Random thoughts from a tired by grateful Tara:

- Fred and I were tremendously blessed by Pastor Jason’s grace-based marriage Sunday School class. And THEN we went on to spend HOURS on Sunday working through one of our worst/hardest/most frustrating fights EVER. In 15 years. Eek! (Soph kept singing, “Do everything without complaining, without arguing!” from the backseat of the car. So we thanked her and explained that we weren’t complaining or arguing ... but we were in a conflict and we were working it through and we WOULD work it through.) But it was hard, very hard. BLERGH. But good to work through.

- Yes, yes, I know that the DVD sale (that says it’ll end March 15) is still up ... I hope that doesn’t upset those of you who ordered by like midnight on the 15th! My reasons are two fold: 1) My website host went DOWN for almost the entire DAY on March 14 ... so I felt GUILTY for inconveniencing the people who tried to order; and 2) My DVD order (that SHOULD HAVE) arrived on Thursday (or Friday at the LATEST) still isn’t here. So I felt bad about that. Hopefully we’ll end the sale and ship the orders TODAY!

- Sophie is up to the catechism question that talks about how Christ is Lord of heaven, earth, the devil, etc. Last night she said, “God is WAY BIGGER than the devil because the devil is just a FALLEN ANGEL.” (Yes, yes, that’s right dear.) Then she sat there and just thought for a few minutes (apparently about what “fallen angels” do because they do “bad stuff”) ... THEN she said, “Mom, fallen angels sit around and eat CANDY ALL DAY, don’t they?” (because that would be foolish/bad). (Yes, yes. Sure, kid. That’s right.)

- WE MADE SHRINKY DINKS!! I love shrinky dinks. They’re so EASY and FUN!! I couldn’t believe that Fred had never shranky-dank (?? past tense form of shrinky-dink??) before. Color. Pop in oven. WATCH WATCH WATCH 'EM MELT. Take out. They get THICK and TEENY-TINNY!! Cooooooooooool. To quote Fred, “There is some interesting chemistry going on here.”



- I caught Soph and Lili cuddling in the stairwell. Too bad the camera click got Lili all excited.



- Friend/prayer group this morning went for an extra HOUR (I barely had time to get home and make Fred’s lunch before he left for work!). Good stuff. Really, really helpful, encouraging, and edifying. Oh, and fun/real. It is a total grace to have friends who don’t give up on you! And friends who help you to love God and love others. Reminds me of a quote from my current Bonhoeffer reading:

"Self-love is misguided love that has rebelled against its source, love that does not need the help of others and thus is condemned to be unfruitful, love that is basically enmity toward God and one’s neighbor because they could only disturb the immediate circle of myself."

(THE IMMEDIATE CIRCLE OF MYSELF. Eek. Conviction!!)

- Last week I asked Sophie if she ever asks God to forgive her for her sins because of Jesus. She got a scared look on her face and said, “No.” I asked her why. She said, “Because I’m afraid that God might not forgive me.” So I asked her if God was a liar. “No!” And whether the Bible is God’s Word or just a book written by people. “God’s Word!” And can we trust the Bible? “Yes!” SO ... even though we may FEEL like God might not forgive us, GOD’S WORD IS TRUE and we can BANK ON IT over our feelings, right? “Yes!” Well, what does God’s Word say?

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

So THEN ... last night, I asked her if she was afraid to ask God to forgive her for her sins. And she said, “NO! I am not afraid.” Hooray! So let’s go to God, shall we? OK!

I hope that your Monday morning finds you CONFIDENT to draw near the throne of grace.

God never tires of forgiving His children. Never.

Talk with ya soon!

Love,
Tara B.

I’m pushing hard against a big writing deadline today–and BOY! Am I tempted to procrastinate.

But then I (keep trying to) tell myself, “Get to work, Tara! Just get it done! You’ll be so happy if you just get it done.”

So I’m persevering.

I did take a nice/restful/refreshing break to walk with Sophie and Lili down to our video rental store–and local ice cream shop too. Sophie decided to wear her clown wig and clown nose and carry two fairy princess wands ... so between the Golden Retriever puppy and the clown/princess, we made a lot of people smile.

It was a nice break and I’m back at “work” with a Golden snoozing on my toes.

Grace abounds! I hope your Friday is going well.

Yours,
Tara B.

I was SO surprised to find a PRINCESS at violin lessons this week!



I never knew that Snow White played the violin.

If you or someone you love is going through the agonizing experience of divorce, I encourage you to read this CCEF article by Winston Smith:

Divorce Recovery

(Like all of the CCEF articles), it is excellent. Worth reading, filing away, and sending on to others too.

Hope your Thursday is going well! We’re just back from co-op and I’m plowing through emails as Sophie is playing with dollies at my feet. Fun!

Blessings and joy,
Tara B.

I’m REALLY enjoying Pastor Anyabwile’s blog “Pure Church” (although I DO have to look up how to spell his name EVERY SINGLE TIME I link to it ).

His recent posts on deacons have been sweet reminders of how blessed I am to have such godly elders and deacons over me at my local church (and how blessed I am to be married to Deacon Barthel):

- Deacons: Full of the Spirit and Wisdom

- Deacons: Sincere

Let’s pray for our church leaders today, shall we? And maybe drop them a note to encourage them? That their service would be a joy and not a burden ...

Well ... so far, the brand new Peacemaker Ministries blog

Route 5:9 (Reflections on the Journey of Living Out Matthew 5:9)

is getting to stay in my “favorites” for blogs.

(Usually, when I find a new blog that I like, I drop it into favorites, but if I read it for a few weeks and don’t find it worth returning to, I delete it. Rare is the blog that I keep reading.)

I encourage you to click on over and not just because the world’s cutest blogger is one of the contributors (FRED BARTHEL–husband extraordinaire) ... but because all of the writers really are doing a great job compiling interesting thoughts, teachings, websites, and blog postings on topics related to peacemaking.

Consider just a few of the recent posts:

- Offering Hope is the Main Thing

- List of Resources for Accountability in the Church

- Pastor Driscoll Practicing Peacemaking (after being “gently restored” by two brothers in Christ)

- Be Kind (my favorite post so far, but I’m totally Fred-Barthel-biased of course)

- Six Favorite Lies (that promote conflict)

I hope you enjoy!

Soph and Fred are snoozing away and I’m off to walk Lilikoi now.

You know ... one HUGE blessing about having recently had a horrible migraine is the GRATITUDE I have this morning WHEN I DON’T.

I just can’t tell you how SWEET it was to be able to STAND UP and TURN ON A LIGHT without excruciating pain. I just said, “THANK YOU GOD!”

Blessed Thursday to you–

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... I’ve been struck completely OUT by the worst migraine I’ve had in YEARS. Started around 5PM, but by 7PM, I was incapacitated in a dark room with an ice pack on my head and STILL vomiting.

I had a TINY bit of relief around 4:10AM. Oh! How I thanked God for only throbbing pain rather than excruciating pain. I have no idea how people in such CHRONIC pain (or our soldiers being tortured!) survive. (Not to equate my tiny suffering with theirs! I just marvel at what people can survive when they are REALLY suffering.)

ANYWAY ... this blog post marks the entirety of the time I will be upright for the next three hours as Soph is happily occupied and I’m heading to the darkness of the basement.

One of the things that troubled me in the night, though, was that I haven’t yet reminded you all that our little “initial sale” price on my DVD series ends in three days (March 15)

Living the Gospel in Relationships

And I’m particularly wanting to be sure I remind you because (BIG NEWS!) it looks like my denomination (the PCA) and Peacemaker Ministries MAY be picking it up in their bookstores.

If they do, the price will have to go up even MORE because our family will have to pay some royalty fees. And I didn’t want to mislead you or have you miss out on the “pretty much our costs cost.”

OK. Even dimmed, the light of this laptop is too much.

God bless you!
God is with you!
And He is mighty to save.

Yours,
Tara B.

Here is the REASON why the dvd project exists:



Joe Adams.
Brilliant, gifted, FUNNY, godly, wise (SINGLE by the way as a little shout out to my single pals on this blog!) ...

This man sacrificed HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS of his personal time to make this project and it simply would’ve DIED ON A SHELF in a heap of unedited tara-BLERGH had Joe not persevered ALL YEAR.

I just can’t say enough about this guy.

THANK YOU, Joe. Nothing without you, bud.
– t

Soph delighted us by playing “puppy” this morning in her Dalmatian costume from Grandma Chris. I loved the image of the “two puppies” doing Bible study so I snapped some pics:

I’m home safe and sound.

Virginia was SUCH a blessing! (Thank you, Virginia!)

But I am spent.

Four weeks of back-to-back events with a bout of insomnia mixed in; nonstop conflict coaching in between teaching sessions; and oh yeah–my “real” job of mommy & wife-hood ...

I’m a tired Tara.

BUT ... friend/prayer group this morning was GRAND; after Bible reading, I started Luther’s “Bondage of the Will” (been meaning to read it for a LONG time); I had a nice long visit with Fred this morning; Sophie and I had a lovely extended time of “lessons”/play.

Laundry is done. It’s a CLEAN SHEET DAY (hooray!). Vacuuming & dusting is done on the main level. We’ve had a nice long family walk tonight. Everyone is fed.

Just a little more cleaning tonight (I just don’t think I can bear one more night of the bathroom being in its current state!) and hopefully some rest will come my way tonight.

DID YOU SEE THAT ANDREE SEU’S SON (the one that is in prison) CAME TO SAVING FAITH IN CHRIST THIS MONTH?!?!? It was the best news I heard all day. PRAISE GOD!!

I will hopefully blog “for real” tomorrow.

G'nite and God bless!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
THANKS for the dvd orders from this weekend and the Virginia “pink to ship” orders too. I hope to have them packaged up tomorrow and off in the mail right away. Fred forgot the box of resources on his desk (oops!). He offered to go back to the office ... but it’s 8:30PM and it’d take like 45 minutes, so I hope you agree that one extra day is not too inconvenient and I told him to please just rest and relax.

When I spoke at a recent event, an elderly woman approached me. (I found out later than she was 90 years old!)

Honestly? Not knowing her, but making an assumption based on most of the other times that elderly women have approached me when I’m speaking at their events, I assumed that she was going to express displeasure at my rate of speech. (In essence, yell at me because I talk too fast and it’s hard to understand me.)

That’s what usually happens. And I have to tell you—I just HATE that I talk too fast at events. I know that it is a TERRIBLE weakness of mine—right up there with trying to get too much information into too little of time and taking these crazy “lose my train of thought” asides.

ANYWAY … this precious, lovely pillar of the church didn’t yell at me. Instead she said something to the effect of:

“I’ve been coming to these women’s conferences for 56 years. And usually they are SO boring! But today, I can tell that the women are REALLY listening to you. Now, I personally can only understand ONE OUT OF EVERY TEN WORDS YOU SAY.”

(I’m so ashamed! I try to jump in to try to apologize.)

“No, no,” she says, “That’s OK. I’m just so glad that you are holding their attention and even though I can’t understand most of what you are saying I CAN PRAY. And so I do. I pray for you and for the ladies. I’m praying for you, Tara.”

And that was that. Grace in action, eh? Grace with skin on.
(Totally reminded me of my “spiritual Grandma” Doris.)

I want to be like her when I grow up.
I want to be like her today.

May God be glorified and may our words be so edifying and aptly spoken!

Happy Saturday from Virginia—

Love,
Tara B.

PS
Thanks to all of the emails and comments re: ordering the DVD series by the 3/15 special pricing deadline. You have TOTALLY helped our family to know what size order to put in. Cashflow is tight and we truly appreciate it! Thank you. – tkb

PS
One of the reasons I dug up Dave’s essay is because I am totally trying to preach the gospel to myself this morning.

I had something very disturbing happen on my third flight yesterday (it was actually two of the worst hours I’ve ever spent in my life!). I shook for two hours on the plane and then had to–TRY TO–switch into “pleasant Tara meet the event hosts” mode ... but really all I wanted to do was CRY and RUN AWAY.

Couldn’t sleep last night–pretty much ALL night–and now I have to pull myself together to get ready, pack, and go to serve.

Please do pray for me. I truly want to serve well.

Oh–and just in case you’re wondering WHAT happened–I can’t go into details about the flight. To do so would be to tell someone else’s story and I don’t have permission to do that. Plus, since I will never see this person again, it’s just over and I have to “feel it, grieve it, and move on.”

Still ... I’m shaking even now.

Errrrrgh! This life can be so hard. And remembering suffering Christians around the world; our suffering soldiers deployed overseas ... doesn’t make our miniscule suffering go away, does it?

Remember the gospel! Feel and grieve it and move on. Guess I’m still in the feeling and grieving it mode.

When we were at Target last week, I asked Sophie what a bunny rabbit has to do with Easter. She responded, “He hides easter eggs for us to find.”

"No, love-bug. No. The answer is NOTHING. The easter bunny has NOTHING to do with easter."

“Soph, what is Easter about?”

“Jesus!”
“Yes. The resurrection of Jesus”

HOWEVER ... I’m all for silly & fun traditions and we WERE in Target to get Scouty and Sophie their blingy $5 matching springy outfits for our annual easter egg hunt and ride on the Helena carousel.

STILL ... preparing to celebrate Palm Sunday and Easter has reminded ME TOO of what REALLY matters ... and I remembered that my “spiritual papa” (Cap'n Dave) wrote a great essay on this topic years ago when he was still on staff with Peacemaker Ministries. I hope he won’t mind me sharing it with you.

Let’s all remember the hope we have as we plow through our Fridays, OK?

Yours,
Tara B.

Resurrection – Accepting the Consequences of God’s Peacemaking
by David Edling
(former) Director of Church Relations
Peacemaker Ministries

If you are familiar with our materials, you will know that “Accept the consequences” is one of the “Seven A’s” of confession. When we confess our sin completely, proof of the sincerity and genuineness of that confession is communicated we willingly take responsibility for the damage and hurt we have caused by “accepting the consequences”.

Our confession of Christ as Savior and Lord similarly carries with it the necessity to accept the consequences; proof that our professions are genuine. As we approach Easter, I have been thinking about how accepting God’s gift of eternal life in Christ also means accepting the reality that it was my sin that made Christ’s death on the cross necessary. Realizing this was, for me, the first step in recognizing my need for a savior who could completely and effectively take responsibility for the damage and hurt my sin has and will cause. The sacrifice for my sin was not, and could not be, borne by me, but only by the One who knew no sin. Therefore, only Jesus Christ could be a true spotless lamb, acceptable as the only genuine sacrifice, bringing reconciliation between me and the one I had sinned against, my creator, God the Father of all (see Revelation 5).

This is the gospel, the good news that my sins are forgiven in Christ, because He alone is worthy. All who have stopped trusting in their own worthless sacrifice and have trusted in Christ for eternal life know well what I have just said.

But how often do we stop to think about the other consequence, the present consequence of the resurrection? The present reality of resurrection life is often not among the consequences I think of when I think of accepting the consequences of the gospel. And yet, that consequence is the one the apostle Paul highlights when he speaks of the reality and consequence of the good news.

Consider 1 Corinthians 15:16-17, “For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins.” And verse 19, “If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.” Paul is saying quite pointedly that I need to recognize above all else the present reality of the resurrection. This is because my faith and my hope in the sacrifice for my sins is directly tied to the present reality of Christ’s resurrection. Without the resurrection, I am still lost and perishing in sin! The reality of Christ’s resurrection is the proof that the consequence of my confession, in Christ, for my sin is genuine and sincere and worthy of eternal forgiveness. How can this be? How can Christ’s resurrection be proof that I have presently accepted the consequences for my sins?

The answer to such a question can, of course, only be found in Christ. Paul explains it this way. “Don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection.” (Romans 6:3-5) Christ’s resurrection stands as proof that my acceptance of the consequences for my sins, my need for death and a new birth in newness of life, will stand as genuine and sincere proof that my sin has been forgiven. I, too, will be raised in resurrection just as He was raised. The present and immediate consequence I must accept as a result of God’s peacemaking in Christ is my own resurrection! What a consequence! What a joyful burden!

Furthermore, the present reality of my resurrection bears consequences for today. “The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus." (Romans 6:10-11) Being “dead to sin and alive to God” means I can boldly accept the consequences, resisting temptation to escape or attack, and always humbly confess whenever I sin and damage and hurt others. I can do that with confidence because I have accepted the present consequence of God’s peacemaking, the resurrection reality!

As I celebrate the resurrection of Christ this Easter, I will have that special opportunity, once again, to remember all that my baptism signifies, and the burden I now joyfully bear, the present consequence of being one who is dead to sin and alive to God. As a fellow resurrection being, join with me and accept the consequences of the greatest act of peacemaking ever displayed: the death and resurrection of Christ Jesus, King of kings, Lord of lords, and Peacemaker of peacemakers.

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21).”

NO PRESSURE (of course!) ...

But if you’re planning on taking advantage of our little “initial sale” price on my DVD series by the March 15 deadline

Living the Gospel in Relationships

... would you consider dropping me a note or leaving me a comment and letting me know?

We’re down to like SIX SETS and I’ve put in a small re-order ... but if there’s going to be a “rush” (of, you know, 20 or something ), I should probably increase the order.

Thanks thanks thanks!

I’m going to webcam night-night with Soph and Fred now and try to get some shut-eye.

With love from Virginia!
– Tara B.

Leave it to BrittleCrazyGlass’s Molly to crack me up with a LUTHER quote:

Dressed for a Funeral

Thanks, Molly. A laugh was just what I needed right now.

JUST got back from our accountant’s.

Haven’t even THOUGHT about starting packing yet. (Oooh–that 4:00AM alarm is going to HURT tomorrow. )

But I just had to let you know the great news ...

IT WAS AN ERROR ON OUR TAXES!!!

Never have I been so happy that someone made a mistake.

I like our accountant a lot and I certainly don’t expect perfection.

(He puts up with ME! That goes a LONG WAY in my book. I told him at the start of our meeting today, “If you sense adrenaline in me, I’m not mad. It’s just fear.”)

It took forty minutes of wrestling and showing him numbers on Quicken and paperwork, etc. But FINALLY ... there it was ...

He double-counted some income. His error.

When he fixed the numbers and did a rough calculation we were set. To the dollar. Well, I think we get a $5 refund or something.

SO MUCH BETTER THAN HAVING TO FIND $8,000 IN POST-TAX, POST-TITHE REAL MONEY!!!

I am grateful.
Shocked.
Grateful.

We’re going for a family walk now and then I’ll do some packing tonight.

See you soon, Virginia!

Happily and a little shakingly,
Tara B.

I’d definitely grab a box of tissues first ...

But then scoot on over to Tim Challies and enjoy:

The Public Nuisance

BTW–I’m SO sorry that I haven’t been able yet to email all of you lovely Florida ladies my “thanks for the nice event” email. That “no laptop on five hours of flights” thing last weekend has really thrown me off schedule-wise.

I DID, however, send out all of the “to ship” orders from your event ... so hopefully you will all receive those relatively soon.

Hope your week is going great!

Sophie and I had such a nice, slow, relaxed morning. Lots of extra time to read in the Bible–and she just couldn’t contain herself when we “happened to” be reading about Palm Sunday in our gospel reading because our little “kids choir” for Palm Sunday and Easter is singing "Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna to the King!" She thought it was pretty great that it’s actually IN the REAL Bible and it REALLY happened in HISTORY. Cool!

She was also very encouraging and extra sweet when she thanked God again for his attribute of being “a shield around us.” She said that TENS OF THOUSANDS of “eMenies” surrounded King David, but he wasn’t afraid. Because God was bigger still. A good reminder.

I’m off to pack for Virginia now–
(Wheeeeeesh! I really can’t keep straight what time zone I’m in these days.)

Happy, blessed Wednesday to you!

Love,
Tara B.

PS
Daddy wears a hat on Saturday errands ... so I wear a hat on Saturday errands:



TOTALLY reminds me of when I used to put a “man's” handkerchief and comb and old wallet in my back pocket and follow me dad around like a little lost puppy (circa 1975). Girls and their daddies, eh?

A great read by Noel Piper (John Piper’s wife) over at DesiringGod.org:

The Family: Together In God’s Presence

(HT Pastor Anyabwile over at PureChurch!)

Our church doesn’t offer a “children’s church” and nursery care is only available for children under the age of two. Since our services go for at LEAST 90 minutes (and sometimes an hour and 45 minutes), I have “had to” learn how to have a child in church. But I don’t mind–I actually like it. I think we would have Sophia with us in the service even if we had the option of not.

But I’m convicted by what Mrs. Piper said about taking notes during the sermon! Eek! We’re a “bring a bag of books” kind of family. Maybe this is something Fred and I should discuss and possibly transition to.

ANYWAY ... I have very godly, wise, incredible-parent-friends who STRONGLY disagree with all of this and truly believe that “children’s church” is the better path. It’s a wisdom call, eh?!

Hope you enjoy the article, though. I definitely found it worth the read.

Happy Wednesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

I found these “really really really BAD preacher” videos HYSTERICAL over at Pastor JollyBlogger:





And this interview quite interesting (especially being married to a man who loves baseball):

An Interview with Ben Zobrist

(There’s a great West Wing quote about how “there is a certain age when a man realizes that he is never going to play professional baseball”–poor Fred. I think he’s reached that age.)

Hope your Tuesday is going well!

Love ya,
Tara B.

As we all cuddled on the couch this morning, Sophia brought “Grandpa & Granma” (Fred & me) her baby dolls ... sisters Anna and Elizabeth. We gave them bottles and lots of kisses and I think Lili became a bit jealous.

So she joined in the fun:



'Tis a good life, eh?

Enjoying again William P. Smith’s Caught of Guard–Encounters with the Unexpected God.



It’s probably helping me the most this morning because I just had to endure (endure sounds like too strong of a word) ... experience (??) an embarrassing (but necessary! and loving, gentle, gospel-infused!) confrontational conversation with Fred.

He has observed a sin in me and has been praying about how and when to talk with me about it. And this morning was the time.

I was and am so ashamed. Ahhhh–but this is good shame. Godly shame–conviction!–that leads to repentance and faith and helps me to a) SEE; and b) TURN AWAY FROM sin.

But as loving and gentle and God-centered and redemptive and HOPEFUL as it was, this conversation was still a DRAG. Who likes to face her sin? NOT ME! Who enjoys having her husband confront her? NOT ME! Who is mortified? ME ME ME.

But most of all ... I am GRATEFUL.
Grateful that Fred loves me enough to help me.
Grateful that God does not give up on me–and neither does Fred.

Grateful that rather than condemning me (which I deserve!), Jesus intercedes for me.

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:31-38

NOT EVEN MY SIN.
No.
Nothing can separate me from God.

Thank You, Lord!
And thank you, Fred.

Back into our day! Ballet this afternoon! Fun fun.

Trust God!

Yours,
Tara B.

Hey!!!! Guess what?????????

Peacemaker Ministries has a new blog!!

Yes, YES ...

I’m TOTALLY biased because cutie-bear Fred Barthel is one of the contributors. (But so is Ken Sande!)

So you may want to check it out and consider bookmarking it:

Route 5:9

(Wonder why they chose that as a name?????)

Blessings to you!

(From your friend who is ALMOST able to see her dining room and living room floors)–
Tara B.

Seems INSANE (or at least SILLY) to follow up my morning freak out post with this one ... but I’ve wanted to write it all weekend (but I was FOILED by a busted laptop charger ) ...

I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to GOD and also to my dear friend Nancy L (and her sweet “steady Freddy” Bob) for driving EIGHT HOURS across Florida and back just to come and help me at my resource table this past weekend.

Nancy and I met (I think?? was that our first time meeting??) because she hosted one of my events awhile back. But then we’ve stayed in touch (which is pretty rare for me–most event hosts don’t hang around after I’m done serving at their shindig) ... sharing a mutual love for God, gentle & kind husbands (Nancy and Bob GREW UP together! “The boy next door.” Literally!), and Golden Retrievers.

Last year when she said she wanted to come to my Florida event in March and just “help out”, I thought, “HUH? What? WHY??” (I.e., “Why would anyone want to come and just HELP ME at an event? I’ve never had that before. Usually I jut do my best to cover everything on my own.”)

But she said she really wanted to do it ... and there she was, Saturday morning, happy and friendly and SWEET and quick as a WHIP. She had read all of my little “booktable helper instructions” in advance. She worked and worked and WORKED the entire event (especially since every minute of every break and the entire lunch hour, I was talking with women/trying to answer their questions/encourage them even in just a tiny way).

Looking back on it NOW? I simply could NEVER have done this booktable “on my own.” NEVER.

And God provided exactly what I needed–actually WAY MORE than I could’ve even dreamed.
I never even ASKED Him for help. I couldn’t CONCEIVE of anyone who would, at their own expense, take an entire day just to help me.

But that’s Nancy L. And Bob. And their lovie-bear Golden, Sadie.

God provides!
So much MORE than we deserve!
It’s too lavish for words.

OK–back to domestic diva-Tara-ness.

Smiling and persevering,
Tara B.

I feel like such a hypocrite! (And I know I am–FAR FAR WORSE of a hypocrite than even I see/feel right now!)

This morning I cuddled with Sophia under a blanket and we read together how God is a SHIELD around us. We talked about how no harm can befall us, but that our good and sovereign God so allows.

And here it is, not an HOUR later and I am tempted to FREAK OUT.

Why? Why? Why? Ohhhhhh ... my HEART is showing because two “buttons” got kicked in a five minute phone call:

1. Button 1: MONEY. Our accountant said that our taxes are done and (EXPECTING that, good budgeter, good bookkeeper that I am, we would owe NOTHING or maybe a TINY BIT) ... we have to come up with $8,285 in the next six weeks. (And friends, we do not have $8,000 lying around.)

2. Button 2: SHAME. Not good-enough-ness. Tara = BAD/FAILURE. Why? Because I take care of our bills. Fred looks everything over each month, of course, but the day-to-day responsibility of taking care of the financial matters in our home lies with me. And I did EXACTLY what I “should have” last year $$$$-wise and tax-wise! And apparently, IT WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH. (I worked with an accountant. I used his quarterly tax estimates. When we lost the baby in May, I called him back because I knew that loss of a deduction would affect things. It did and I upped our savings to make sure I could pay our quarterly payments. If I earned even a SMIDGEN of extra income from ANY source, I increased our quarterly payments.) I mean–I DID EVERYTHING I WAS TOLD TO DO!!! And my family is still in jeopardy. Because of ME.

These are my buttons.
They are.

These two “suns” up in the SKY of my life beat down HEAT on the trees of my heart and out comes UGLY FRUIT ... fear, panic, terror, self-condemnation, sadness.

I hate that I didn’t take care of Fred and Sophie good enough.
I hate that I TRIED and TRIED and REALLY TRIED MY BEST–and it wasn’t good enough.

There are so many things in my life that I KNOW I’m not good at ... but the things that I have a modicum of competency in, I just HATE IT when I mess up.

Hmmmm ... I I I I I. Me me me me me. Sounds like a lot of pride, eh?
Sounds like a lot of unbelief.

(Lilikoi must’ve sensed that I was upset because as the tears flow down my cheeks as I type this, she came over and laid her fuzzy self across my feet. A “love lean” indeed. Oh, those Goldens.)

So anyway ... we’ll be OK. We’ll find a way to pay this bill (although I just can’t IMAGINE why we owe so much in taxes!!! we have an appointment with our accountant tomorrow to try to understand what went wrong and what’s happening now; saint Fred is going to go with me to help).

God truly has ALWAYS provided for me. Ever since the last time I lived with any parent or anyone in my family (when I was 16 years old). Every day of our marriage. Every day since we left the “security” of “real” jobs in Chicago and moved to Montana.

I’m sure it will all work out.

How I am begging God that in THIS MOMENT ... (this REAL MOMENT OF LIFE!), I will remember all of the things I claim to believe about God and about who I am in Him. That I will turn away from this panic and fear and, instead, I will do my best to LEARN and be WISE ... but ultimately, to remain in God’s love. To trust Him. To not freak out.

My propensity is to freak out.
Faith calls me in a different direction.

May God have mercy!
(He does. He does.)

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." Psalm 46:4-7

Happy Monday to you all!

Through my tears,
Tara B.

Just a quick note to say a hello and THANK YOU to all of the wonderful FLORIDA ladies that I had the joy of serving yesterday. It was SUCH a joy to be with you all!

I made it home around 11PM (1AM Florida time–EEK!) and Fred and I stayed up way too late talking and canoodling. Ahhhhh – it was a nice, sweet tired this morning at Sunday school class and church.

My laptop is charging up nice and fine on my secondary A/C adapter ... so I’ll try get on top of all of my “final final wrap up” Florida stuff tomorrow (including your orders!) because I turn around for Virginia on Thursday.

I pray that you are resting in God’s grace today and remembering who you are in Christ.

God keeps His promises. He is ever faithful!

I’ll try to write more if I can get on top of the chaos around here.

Blessed Sabbath to you–

Yours,
Tara B.