considerable grace

Recently, at one of my booktables, a woman asked me about a certain ministry. Apparently, she had met some people who were affiliated with this organization and they just despised it. They thought it was a “cult” and “intrusive” and boy! They just didn’t have anything good to say about it.

The woman was careful in her speech and seemed very winsome and genuine in simply seeking to be wise re: seeking my opinion and thoughts about this organization.

I told her my best understanding of the people leading it; the theology that it espouses; and my experience of the resources that it produces.

But I also told her this:

I encourage you to not evaluate an organization, church, denomination, ministry, etc., based on what one person says or even what a few people say. It seems to me that every organization has certain people that, for whatever reason, are going to HATE it.

Every organization also, I bet, has people associated with it who REALLY represent it poorly. They may be heretical in their theology/doctrine; legalistic or licentious in their behavior; unloving and proud; foolish and immature ... but that doesn’t necessarily mean that the organization should be rejected out of hand.

Rather, we should be wise and seek to understand the best representation of what an organization actually believes, espouses, and promotes. And then remember that people are fallen, fickle, and often poor representatives.

She graciously accepted my thoughts–and I do hope that she will get to know the organization that she was inquiring about because I think it is (imperfect! but ...) GREAT.

OK. Back to work now. I am trying to frame out my workshops for this fall’s Peacemaker Conference ... so of course I am tempted to do everything BUT the task at hand.

Joy to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Recently, my friend and I had the privilege of sharing the gospel with a gentleman. The door was opened when my friend gently asked him the “typical” diagnostic/evangelistic question, “If you were to stand before God today and He were to ask you why He should let you into Heaven, how would you respond?”

I think it was because of this conversation that later in the week, as Sophia and I were snuggling away after our night-time routine (Bible reading, prayer, catechism, and a few books), that I asked her the same question.

I thought you might enjoy a little recap of our conversation. Plus, I wanted to make another shameless plug encouraging you to consider catechizing your children because WOW! I was so blessed and encouraged by our little chat.

Please note: I know that my daughter is very young (only 4!) and I in no way mean to imply that I know “for sure” that God has regenerated her heart. Only God can make her born again! But, as a momma who does pray in faith that my daughter is God’s covenant child and that all of the promises of God in Christ are YES for her ... I was blessed by our conversation. It went something like this:

Sophia, if you were to stand before God tonight and He were to ask you, “Why should I let you into Heaven?” How would you respond?
"I would say because you love me."

But Soph, what if God were to say, “I am holy! I am perfect! How can a Holy God like Me love a sinner like you?”
(She paused. Thought a moment. And then responded ...)
"Because Christ died for my sins and You accept me as righteous through Christ."

So, how then can you be saved?
"By the Lord Jesus Christ through the covenant of grace."

I thought, “Good answer!” And then I thought, “Thank You God, for the catechism!”

I am often a very lazy and undisciplined mother. God is growing me in this regard, but I am very prone to sloth. I am. It’s a sin and I am not proud of it.

But even with my propensity to be very lazy, doing just a few catechism questions every single day is quite doable. We have this little $1.25/ea booklet in our family Bible downstairs and by our night-time cuddle/reading location upstairs:



But you don’t even have to spend $1.25! The questions (in a slightly different format) are available for free online.

Yes, I know that knowledge doesn’t save us! Only God can change a sinner’s heart. But it is such a wonderful thing to be able to walk through all of life with a vocabulary about these important matters. And I love seeing my daughter wrestle with “big truths” just in the dailyness of living life.

SO ... shameless plug for catechism is over. I hope that you have a wonderful Saturday! I am still in Colorado, about to teach my final retreat session.

Thanks for all of the happy birthday wishes for Fred and me! How fun that so many of you have June birthdays too! Happy, blessed birthday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... for the next ten days, my dear Steady Freddy officially robs the cradle and enjoys being married to a “younger woman.”

Happy 38th Birthday, Fred!
You make me deliriously happy.

Your devoted wifey,
Tara

Thanks, Pastor Anyabwile (PureChurch), for linking to these great articles by C.J. Mahaney on family vacations:

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

(Updated on 5/31 with the third and final installment from Pastor Mahaney. Last night I asked Fred if he would please read these articles and help us to prepare for some upcoming trips we have as a family. I think they will really help us to be more intentional and actually TALK about stuff BEFORE we’re on the road. I’m really looking forward to it.)

Wow. There is just SO much I don’t even know ANYTHING about!

Do you know of this great man: Henry Alford? I sure didn’t. But I want to learn more about him.

Apparently he was brilliant–but listen to just one paragraph describing him (emphasis added):

"Nor was he merely an arid academic. When he was sixteen, Alford wrote in his Bible, “I do this day, as in the presence of God and my own soul, renew my covenant with God, and solemnly determine henceforth to become His, and to do His work as far as in me lies.” He was known for his consistent and holy life, as well as his likable, friendly way of dealing with people."

I want to be like this man!

Ok, Ok, I know I’ll never like him in the smarts department. But oh! I do pray that I would learn more and more each day how to be “likable and friendly.”

(I’m SO grateful for my church and my friends who help me to grow in grace.)

Solo Deo Gloria!

For God’s glory and love of God and neighbor.

Blessed Thursday to you!

With love,
Tara B.

A recent blog commenter asked me if I had any recommendations for a good daily devotional book ... and I thought I’d pitch the question up to a real post and ask for your advice too.

What daily devotional books would you recommend as being particularly encouraging and edifying in your walk with the Lord?

We have been reading John Piper’s Taste and See in our family’s devotions and that’s been a blessing to us.

And I’ve been (off and on) reading A Year with Dietrich Bonhoeffer: Daily Meditations from His Letters, Writings, and Sermons. It’s great.

Ed Welch’s latest book, Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest, is not an official “devotional,” but the chapters are short and meant to be read slowly and savored. I highly recommend it.

So what about you guys? What do you recommend?

If you know me at all, you KNOW that I am SO not crafty. But I do try!

And I have been very blessed by friends who help me to learn about interesting and enjoyable things that even I can do with Sophia.

(Thank God for Samara and her beads & glue guns & all things ART!)

One thing we really enjoy is PAINTING SUNCATCHERS:



A friend told me about these inexpensive little craft projects (that you can get at Hobby Lobby or Michael’s) and initially I was SCARED, but really? It just easy, quiet FUN.

This weekend, Sophie “graduated” to a REAL glass version (that I had found on clearance) and the result was really quite lovely:



We also really enjoy the “klutz” books and today she was ensorceled by a wonderful "stained glass" marker coloring book:





I had initially thought that the teeny-tiny little detail work might be a bit beyond her, but she LOVED it. So I wanted to be sure to tell you about it just in case you have any detail-oriented kids who like to do projects.

We had some Christopher Parkening playing in the background and Sophie kept making a four-year old humor joke about how it was Christopher ROBBIN (hah hah hah HAH!).

I’m off to clean the bathroom closet now (while an episode of “House MD” plays in my portable DVD player). It’s my last pocket of resistance to tackle for the weekend of making some order out of the chaos in our home.

G'nite and God bless!

Yours,
Tara B.

Hope you are enjoying a reflective and restful Memorial Day.

We were blessed to meet our friends at the main Billings Memorial Day service at the cemetery in town that has the most veteran graves. It is so good to do these things not just as a family, but with friends. I think that it is particularly meaningful to the children–"Oh, you respect the flag too?" “Oh, you listen intently to what these older gentlemen say too? Hmmmmmm ...”

I appreciate many things about our little Billings services:

- That our senator and other “big wig” representatives don’t speak or try to steal the limelight. Good for them. The veterans lead and we all follow. I respect our politicians for their silence in these situations.

- That right now we still have the opportunity to honor in person veterans from so many wars. But oh! We are losing that Greatest Generation so quickly. I tell Sophie, “Look. Listen. Remember this man. He is a hero. One day you will read more about history and you will understand better–but now? You can hear and see history.”

- That we are such a small community that after the ceremony, the men then line up to fold the chairs and load the trucks. It’s good to not just attend, but to participate as a community.

The main speaker was injured three times in World War II. Once by bayonet (he still remembers everything about the Japanese soldier’s face and even his smell!). Once by shell fragments. And once by machine gun fire–and one bullet still remains in his chest.

(At that, Sophie gasped and whispered, “I’m so glad he didn’t die! Like Captain Pearson did.” (Captain Pearson was the first Iraq veteran killed from Billings. We attended his memorial service a few weeks ago.) Then Sophie said, “I think I’ll pray for him right now.” And she did. Quietly whispered a prayer even while he was still speaking. Very, very sweet.)

Freedom is not free. I am grateful for our veterans and praying about what God might be calling our family to do to try to serve them more intentionally in the coming years.

Blessed Memorial Day to you!
And thank you, veterans.

Yours,
Tara B.

Fred did a great job of not giving up on me yesterday.

I was grouchy and hormonal. I felt tired, scared, and overwhelmed.

Pretty much the last thing I wanted to do was work hard to reconnect with my beloved husband, Fred. But he pursued me and didn’t give up.

We had a quiet family day. We ran errands together–donated blood, got haircuts, recycled cardboard. We cuddled at home, read books, played with the dog.

And then at the end of the day, when Sophia was happily sleeping in between us, we talked.

Good job, Fred. I don’t deserve you. I am grateful for you!

Your devoted wifey,
Tara B.

Such a gift, this little love-bug is!





Thank You, God, for Sophia Grace.

Love,
Momma Tara

So ... do you think I ever hear comments like THIS after women hear me speak at an event or watch my DVDs/read my book?

"If ONLY my church were like YOUR church, Tara ... but it’s NOT!"

“Your leaders sound SO GREAT ... but my leaders don’t shepherd like that. Maybe I should leave my church.”

I do. I really do. All the time.

This is just an (edited) excerpt from how I responded to a woman today:

1. Please know that when I talk about my church, I am always VERY cognizant of how limited a view I am giving. For instance, for every example I give of a gracious woman, I am sure it wouldn’t be hard to talk about a petty, selfish, graceless, competitive, immature woman. For every time my elders have led by repentance and humility, there are examples of their pride, ignorance, and hard-heartedness. But in general, painting with broad brushstrokes, what I MEAN to communicate is that here are some examples of the gospel being lived out in redemptive, authentic relationship with (imperfect but well-intentioned) men shepherding their sheep through formative/judicial discipline, biblical counseling, and biblical peacemaking.

2. Please know that (as the last two days of my life again showed me and as I experience at EVERY SINGLE EVENT I have EVER done) … in general, VERY VERY VERY VERY rare is the church that even a) knows about; more or less b) TRIES to discipline, counsel, and mediate amongst its members. It’s just SO rare.

Why? Unbelief. Ignorance. Sin. We don’t know the gospel. Or we only know the gospel to a certain extent—but no further. But we don’t know how to LIVE the gospel. (How does it apply to REAL life?) Or we KNOW how the gospel applies to real life (lay down your life; pick up your cross; suffer well; do good to people who HATE you; bless people who CURSE you), but we don’t want to OBEY because we either don’t KNOW how short this life is and how long eternity is or we are forgetting it OR we just don’t care.

We love ourselves and our comfort more than we love ANYTHING else. And church discipline? Accountability? Counseling (that GOES BEYOND just paying someone so that you can WHINE and be PLACATED in your sin and unbelief OR just paying someone to give you the “ten steps for change/SILVER BULLET” legalistic list of things TO DO)? Peacemaking? Way too costly. Painful. Would require submission and FAITH and LOVE. Who wants to do that? Not us. Not the Old Man that resides in us. Not left to our own sinful/fallen devices living in a sinful/fallen world. (Which, by the way, is EXACTLY why we NEED the Church SO MUCH!)

3. So please don’t think, “Oh, Tara’s church has all of those PEACEMAKERS in it. It must be PERFECT. No conflicts there!” “Oh, Tara’s elders are ALWAYS gracious and gospel-proclaiming, they NEVER hit you upside with the LAW.” Or, “Gee! If ONLY I could go to Tara’s church. THAT would be great.” Because you know what? It’s is great. And it’s awful too. It’s real life. (And, by the way, “peacemakers” can be some of the most RUTHLESS peace-FAKERS and peace-BREAKERS because, like all of us, they can be tempted to take good, redemptive tools of GRACE and use them as WEAPONS to beat people up with. In that “godly” sort of way, of course.)

4. Re: your friend who is struggling with that certain sin … SO SORRY to hear about that!! Boy, these chemical addictions DO have a special pull/draw/POWER of temptation. Genetics. Predisposition. Oh oh oh! Alcohol, meth, cocaine. SO INCREDIBLY HARD to not go back to those ruling lusts. So absolutely necessary that we get help.

Please encourage her to keep on persevering in getting help—even though, apparently, some of the people’s responses have been less than helpful/encouraging/redemptive. THAT OFTEN HAPPENS. People let us down. People have areas of immaturity and ways that they don’t see and understand the gospel (especially the depths of their own sin!). It is particularly hard to not be legalistic and judgmental towards legalistic and judgmental people! It’s hard, but not impossible. Please encourage your friend and help her to not judge them, but to move toward them with even MORE grace as they judge and reject her.

5. Re: whether you should leave your church. I have no idea. But as I mentioned earlier, a church that does not have “grace abounding” is, well, pretty much EVERY church (including my own!). And rather than LEAVE and look for “the church” that “gets grace,” it seems to me that perhaps, instead, you should consider how God might be calling YOU to drink so deeply of God’s grace that you splash it onto the people around you. And then, help them to do the same. You’ve been hurt. Your friend has been hurt. People have wronged you. What would it look like for you to treat the members of your church and the leaders of your church NOT as they deserve but as God treats YOU?

6. Lastly, I encourage you to read The Peacemaking Pastor but NOT so that you can create a list of all of the ways your church and church leaders have failed you. Rather, read it with an eye toward, “Have I faithfully, humbly HELPED my church leaders to lead our church well?” It is a fantastic book. You may also want to consider How People Change because it really provides GREAT insights as to how we can grow a more gracious and redemptive atmosphere of the gospel in our relationships.

I’m just about to box up my 5-CD sets ("Women and Peacemaking–A Journey of Grace") and send them off.

But I still have a few copies available. Wouldn’t you like to send them to a missionary or friend or donate a set to your local Crisis Pregnancy Center or Homeless Shelter?

Well ... all you have to do is review “Peacemaking Women” on Amazon.com.

The first 12 of you who do so and who drop me an email so that I know where to send your gift will get a totally free 5-CD Retreat Set. Our family will even pay the shipping!

Sound like fun?

I hope you’ll consider writing a review. For most of the 30 women who have already reviewed our book, it was the VERY first time they’d ever done something like that. They were brave! And I think they’d all tell you that it only took a few minutes and it wasn’t even scary.

“Peacemaking Women” is regularly holding in the Top 10 or Top 20 “Christian Counseling” books on Amazon. (This is a great privilege!) And I know that customer reviews greatly help people who are evaluating books–especially from unknown authors like Judy and me.

So THANKS and I hope you win a free CD set!

Love ya lots,
Tara B.

Well ... Pastor Jason and I wrapped up our mediation yesterday morning and headed home through the scenic views of Montana. It really is a stunning state. And WOW! But there are SO FEW PEOPLE here.

My little Chicago heart still marvels at how many hours you can drive without ever coming across, oh, say, a TOWN or ... houses, stores, gas stations, etc. Just grasslands and mountains and rocks and animals. It’s really quite something. Very beautiful, this Western-scape.

And very beautiful to be home with Fred and Sophie. We were all tired, but it was a sweet night.

A dear friend had helped me by doing some CLEANING during the day, so I could come home to CLEAN SHEET DAY and a de-dog-hair-ified and dust-free home. (Grace!) This was a particular blessing to me because it really had been a LONG time since I had been able to really clean my own home–and you know how it’s hard to come home to a dirty home, don’t you?

I LOVED cuddling with Soph while Fred read our Psalm for the night. And I loved climbing into bed with her and snuggling in tight–because I was SOOOOO ready to sleep at HER bedtime. No chance I could make it to the grownup time.

You know, I think I was as tired as I’ve been in months–I don’t even remember Fred coming to bed and moving Sophie over to her own bed. Thank God for sleep.

The only hard part of my day was a little wave of ... ummmmm, I don’t even know what word to say .... Fear? Worry? Frustration? Annoyance? re: some relational things in my own life. Sometimes, relationships are JUST HARD. And (especially when I am exhausted!) I can be SO tempted to just want to PULL AWAY.

That’s how I felt yesterday. Something is difficult. It’s hard to relate with certain people. I feel uncomfortable and it’s unpleasant. SO MY TENDENCY IS TO WANT TO RUN AWAY. But if I can just remember that 1) it’s never a good idea to make big decisions when you feel like CRYING because you’re exhausted and hormonal; and 2) there is NO perfect place (i.e., it’s not like I can run AWAY from these hard relationships TO “easy” relationships! NO WAY! Every relationship is hard at times. Every. The relational grass is not greener on the other side of the fence!!)

So persevere, Tara. OR ... even better ... SLEEP. And THEN persevere.
And so I did.

Ahhhhhh ... life as a wife, mother, and church member. My “real job.” It’s a hard one, eh?
BUT A GOOD ONE.
A GREAT one.
A blessing and a gift.

Hope your Friday is a delight! I have to get our mediation summary done this morning and sent off–I’ve been up since 5AM working on it–but other than that, I’m in HANG OUT WITH SOPHIE and TRY TO BE A BLESSING TO FRED mode. Hooray!

Much love to you and yours,
Tara B.

PS
Our little “pre-K” Phonics class did their “Final Silent E Rules” chant on the last day of co-op and I thought you might enjoy seeing a peek into what my “real job” actually looks like. There are the women and children I spend the most time with at my church. Dear (brilliant!) Mrs. L. was their phonics teacher this year. She is also the elder’s wife that I speak of often in my teaching because she has so wisely counseled and encouraged me over the years.

I woke up this morning away from my family. Again.

I was home for 36 hours and then my pastor picked me up early yesterday morning so that we could drive many hours away from Billings to serve a church, its leaders, and a couple in marital crisis.

In many ways, it was the very LAST thing I wanted to do. I long to be home with Sophie and Fred (and Lilikoi). I am sick of hotels and I am craving a quiet, non-peopled day. (Other INTJ’s will know what I mean.)

My heart broke as we pulled out of the driveway yesterday and Sophie waved from the front window and gave me the “things are NOT ok” SCUBA diving sign. (Fred, Sophia and I do little “are you OK?” "yes, I’m OK" or “no, something is not quite right” SCUBA signs as a little inside-family-messaging system. Other SCUBA divers will know what I mean. )

She longed for me and I longed for her and honestly? We are about to end a busy travel season and that will, in fact, be where I am for months and months and months on end. HOORAY!

But for right now?
Today?

My momma heart suffers and so does hers because the Christian life is often the way of suffering. And this pain is the price we pay for this opportunity to love God and love neighbor.

We talk about it. We pray about it. We seek counsel from our church leaders. And we truly believe that these moments of suffering are tiny ways that we are called to serve. Nothing like what our Christian brethren around the world are suffering! But suffering nonetheless. “Nothing but a constant death.”

But for a good reason.

Oh, friends! If you ever have the opportunity to co-mediate with my pastor, Jason Barrie–DO IT.

He is brilliant. He is loving. He is SO relational that little extrovert! And he ministers the gospel–connects God’s TRUTH to REAL LIFE like few people I have ever known.

I see his wife’s ministry through him. I see his children’s ministry through him. I see the ministry of our senior pastor, Alfred Poirier, through him and the ministry of all of our elders, deacons, and church members too.

But mostly, I see Christ.

And what an honor it is to serve this precious church and these precious brothers and sisters in Christ.

Please do pray for us if we flit through your heart this morning! We will work until early afternoon and then head home to Billings.

Thanks, all! And sorry to be so non-responsive on the blog comments lately ... I have literally not had two minutes.

Sending you love,
Tara B.

Another great read by Paul Tripp:

Created for Community

I encourage you to read the entire article and I’ll tempt you with just a few excerpts (emphasis mine–don’t miss the bold paragraph!):

"People are created for community. We are made in the likeness of a God who not only is committed to community and calls us to community, but is Himself a community. He did not structure us to live in isolation and autonomy. He created us to live in two essential communities: a loving, worshipful, and dependent community with Him, and a loving, serving, interdependent community with one another. We will never be what we are supposed to be or do what we were created to do while living in isolation from worshipful friendship with God, and mutually-serving friendship with others ...

Yet with all of our gratitude, it is important to recognize that there is something powerful inside each of us that drives us away from these two essential communities. That thing is sin. In its fundamental form, sin is anti-social. A verse in 2 Corinthians 5 captures this well: “And he died for all that those who live should no longer live for themselves … .” He died for my sin—which causes me to shrink my life down to the size of…my life. Sin causes my thoughts and motives to be dominated by a powerful triad of self-focus: my wants, my feeling, my needs. Where sin reigns community struggles ...

The lies of autonomy and self-sufficiency push us toward individualistic and private lifestyles ...

We tend to live with big barriers between our public personas and our private lives. We do tend to live in networks of terminally casual relationships. Most of the people we think we know we don’t actually know. Yes, we know things about them, but would probably be shocked if we knew the struggles that regularly take place in the interior of their lives. Most of what we call fellowship is not fellowship at all. It is surface talk about things that don’t matter that allows us to maintain our privacy. So the couple who has been fighting on the way to church hits the front door with a smile, the mother who is frazzled takes a few minutes to get herself together. And when we arrive for public worship, nobody tells, nobody knows, and nobody helps.

Yet relationship—community—is at the very heart of Christianity. We are not just forgiven; we are welcomed into God’s family ... And He warns us that this community is not a luxury for a few, but is essential for each one of us. He calls us to live as if we actually believe that our walk with Him is a community project ..."

Ahhhh ... daddies and their little girls ...





Hope you’re having a wonderful night too!

Just a quick reminder that a few of us are still praying for each other and encouraging each other over at the “Peace Within” section of PeaceGals re: “Peace with Food” (habitually struggling with making an idol out of food/overeating).

Today was our first official three-week “weigh in.” I am down 3 lbs ... nothing too exciting, but I promised to weigh in and report in, so there you have it.

Hope your week is off to a good start! I’m about to head to my first of three airports for the day.

Sending you love–

Yours,
Tara B.

Hello California Ladies!

Just a quick note to say THANK YOU for the wonderful weekend! It was my JOY to be with you all.

Hope you made it home safe & sound–

Yours,
Tara B.

Recently, a young woman approached me for counsel regarding something that had happened to her years earlier.

I don’t know all of the details, but the little I know indicates that some things that were COMPLETELY out of her control had brought some severe suffering into her life and the lives of others. But also? Some things in the situation, she undoubtedly had a CERTAIN amount of influence and responsibility for. (Isn’t that often the case in life?)

Anyway ... for years, she has been CRUSHED by guilt and she feels as though she “just can’t get over it.”

She asked me:

"What if it’s MY fault? What if I did this?"

So I responded ... "Let’s say that you did it ALL. It was ALL your fault. It was ALL your sin. You intentionally set out to sin against this person. You MEANT to do evil. You WANTED to hurt the other person and you did. What then?"

She just looked at me. Stared. Terrified. “I don’t know,” she replied.

I told her:

"The Cure is the same. Repentance, confessions, and forgiveness. Repentance, confession, and forgiveness. It’s the Christian walk!

If you confess your sin, God is faithful and just to forgive your sin and purify you from ALL unrighteousness.

This is your only hope. My only hope. THE only Hope."

But then, of course, I added that this situation is probably NOT 100% “your fault”, is it? (She shook her head–"No, probably not.") You didn’t WANT this horrible thing to happen, did you? ("No.") You didn’t 100% set out to INTENTIONALLY do evil in this situation, did you? ("No.")

But you probably did sin some. You probably made some foolish/unwise decisions. (Because no one is perfect except for God!) BUT ... you are a fallen person living in a fallen world filled with fallen people. The effects of sin are everywhere. Our bodies are fragile. Life is terribly hard at times.

We are a desperate people in desperate need of a Rescuer, a Savior.
Praise God we have One!

"And there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Amen & Amen!

And blessed Sabbath to you tomorrow–

Yours,
Tara B.

I saw this quote on a woman’s bag here at my women’s conference in California and thought it might bring you a chuckle too:

"Too blessed to be stressed!"

Amen?
Amen!

Don’t miss today’s Slice of Infinity from Dr. Ravi Zacharias:

The Apologetic of the Apologist

I’ll tempt you with just a few lines ...

"A starting point for taking on the responsibility of the work of Christian apologetics is recognizing the role that living out a disciplined Christian life plays. Even a brief examination of the Scriptures reveals this striking imperative: one may not divorce the content of apologetics from the character of the apologist ...

I have always found this to be such a fascinating verse because the apostle Peter, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, knew the hazards and the risks of being an answer-bearer to the sincere questions that people would pose of the gospel. Indeed, when one contrasts the answers of Jesus to any of his detractors, it is not hard to see that their resistance is not of the mind but rather of the heart. Furthermore, I have little doubt that the single greatest obstacle to the impact of the gospel has not been its inability to provide answers, but the failure on our part to live it out. The Irish evangelist Gypsy Smith once said, “There are five Gospels: Matthew Mark, Luke, John, and the Christian, and some people will never read the first four.” In other words, apologetics is often first seen before it is heard."

Oh oh oh! So convicting.

May God help me to GROW UP and HONOR HIM!

And THANK GOD that Jesus died to rescue His children.

Hope your Thursday is going well. I’m en route to California as I type this.

Yours,
Tara B.

Well. Apparently I have a REALLY REALLY REALLY long way to go in my growth in grace and sanctification/conformity to Christ.

'Course I knew this in an abstract/theological way. And I knew it “for sure” re: certain areas of my life that are ongoing temptations to sin and unbelief for me.

BUT MAN. I did NOT see this WAVE OF ANGER coming this morning.

Yes, it is an intense day ... but I was actually moving through my thousand tasks feeling relatively centered and worship of God. Hah.

That, apparently, did NOT last long because when MY AGENDA was messed up by the good ol' U.S. Post Office (!!!), my REAL heart of worship was revealed in all its vile glory.

Yes, yes, I treated the PEOPLE ok.
And thankfully, NO ONE was in the car–not even my dog. So my TORRENT of raging filth didn’t directly splash onto anyone.

Well, except for, you know, The God of the Universe. Always present. Emmanuel. God with us.

So when I made that REALLY REALLY MAD sound and when my childhood propensity to use incredibly ugly language reared its ugly head again? I was rightly ashamed.

Thank God.

My discomfort with my sin–EVEN WHILE I WAS SINNING!–was SUCH a grace. Such a call to repent. Such a sweet encouragement that I am actually NOT my own–but I belong to God FOR REAL. (Because I am comforted by all of the theologians through the ages who help me to believe that if I were, in fact, unregenerate, I just WOULDN’T CARE. I would sin and sin and sin with abandon and it wouldn’t trouble me in the least bit.)

So did I sin? Yes. And that is a BAD thing.
I can tell myself until I’m blue in the face that, “No one was hurt.” And, “I would NEVER be like that around Sophia.”

Right.

If it’s in my HEART then it’s just a matter of time until it comes spilling out.

Oh, God! Please give me a new heart. Drive from me all of this ME and help me to never be such a selfish, angry, rage-filled woman ever again, I pray!

Thank You for forgiving me, God.
Thank You for making me uncomfortable in my sin.

Your devoted daughter,
Tara B.

PS
I’d tell you what “THEY” did, but I think that’d just sound like I’m trying to excuse my behavior/sin, don’t you think?

I just packed my suitcase of “stuff” for my event in California this coming weekend.

For the first time in a LONG time I’m going to do little bags of “kits” for the women. I bought a bunch of brightly colored gift bags, cut some curly ribbon, bought as many peacemaking resources as I could afford, and even bought some Ghiradelli chocolates to throw in there (!!) ... and then I packed 'em up and weighed the bag to see if it was under the 50 lb checked bag limit.

It was–by a couple of pounds, so I should be good.

Oh! How I pray that my feeble efforts with these little goody bags will truly bless and encourage these dear women! I am SO not good at pretty bags / ribbons / chocolates / cool ambiance womanly stuff. But I do try my best. That’s all we can do, right?

I really would appreciate your prayers as I serve at this conference as the keynote speaker Friday night, Saturday night (at their banquet), and Sunday morning. And then I’m doing two workshops and a Q&A on Saturday during the day.

Oh–and I wanted to keep on encouraging all of you who are laboring together on the “get healthier” / "peace with food" thread of PeaceGals because OH MY STARS but it was quite an awakening to lift up that (almost) fifty pound bag and think, “It wasn’t that long ago that I was carrying around THIS MUCH FAT on my poor knees and hips and back.”

Yes, yes ... fifty pounds is a lot of excess weight. No wonder I was so prone to depression and inactivity (which lead to more depression and inactivity). Eek.

So ... one day, one eating decision at a time, right?

Hope you are all worshipping God this evening! He alone deserves our adoration.

Love ya lots!
– Tara B.

I’m just about to box up my 5-CD sets ("Women and Peacemaking–A Journey of Grace") and send them off.

But I still have a few copies available. Wouldn’t you like to send them to a missionary or friend or donate a set to your local Crisis Pregnancy Center or Homeless Shelter?

Well ... all you have to do is review “Peacemaking Women” on Amazon.com.

The first 12 of you who do so and who drop me an email so that I know where to send your gift will get a totally free 5-CD Retreat Set. Our family will even pay the shipping!

Sound like fun?

I hope you’ll consider writing a review. For most of the 30 women who have already reviewed our book, it was the VERY first time they’d ever done something like that. They were brave! And I think they’d all tell you that it only took a few minutes and it wasn’t even scary.

“Peacemaking Women” is regularly holding in the Top 10 or Top 20 “Christian Counseling” books on Amazon. (This is a great privilege!) And I know that customer reviews greatly help people who are evaluating books–especially from unknown authors like Judy and me.

So THANKS and I hope you win a free CD set!

Love ya lots,
Tara B.

I just posted today’s “reporting in” thread and poll over at PeaceGals:

How was your week re: Food?

For those of you who don’t know, a number of us who struggle with habitually turning to food as an “escape” or “reward” (i.e., for non-nutritional / idolatrous / emotional reasons) have joined together to pray for one another and encourage each other.

We’d love to have you join us if this is an area of temptation for you!

Some don’t have to lose any weight–this is just a battle of the HEART for them.
I would guess that most are in the 10 to 25 lbs overweight/unhealthy category.

I, personally, have around 40 to 45 pounds to lose before I am at a weight where I feel strong, healthy, and best able to serve God and my neighbor.

So anyway ... we’re reporting in on Mondays and praying for each other throughout the week if you’re interested in joining us.

Blessings to you on this wonderful Monday!

Today, my first thought of the morning was, “Please, God, forgive me.”

And then, as though my pastor where giving me a Benediction (but, in fact, I am trusting it was my own Great High Priest), I received and believed and laid hold of and grasped at and put ALL my confidence in this truth:

"God does forgive me. He forgives me because He is a just God Who has already punished His Only Begotten Son for my sin–so He will not also punish me.

He forgive me because it is His character to forgive–He is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness to even one like me.

And when I confess my sin, He is faithful and just to forgive me and purify me from all unrighteousness."

What else matters in the world?
Nothing.

I pray that your week kicks off on this good note: God saves sinners!

I’m off to friend/prayer time now.

Happy Monday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Pastor Jason did a fantastic job talking about S*X this morning in his Grace-Based Marriage Class.

(Did you know that some SPAM-BOTS troll for words like s*x on the internet so–who knows if this actually works?–I’ve been told to use an asterisk on certain words to try to avoid SPAM comments.)

ANYWAY ... I really encourage you to visit our church’s website in the next few days and once it’s posted, give a listen. It was a clear call to honor God and enjoy His good gift of the marital bed. Plus, he gave some good advice for when this area of life is not working “the way it’s supposed to,” when we get caught in s*xual sin, etc.

He asked me to share something at the end of class and I talked about the role of SHAME in all of this. How men can be ashamed if their bodies are not “rock hard” and if they are not the “ideal” lovers that they want to be. How women can be ashamed if their bodies do not conform to the societal ideal of perfectly smooth, airbrushed, eleven-year old boy’s bodies (too thin to even menstruate!) with bizarre, cosmetically-enhanced breasts.

I talked about what an opportunity we have to emphasize certain aspects of the gospel–especially by DELIGHTING IN and SEEKING OUT one another and NEVER REJECTING each other. I shared how Fred never rejected me even when I gained my 100 lbs and was SO ashamed! He never made me feel anything other than desirable, desired, and loved.

Oh, and I told them what I had heard a speaker say one day:

"The closer I get to age 40, the more confident I am that MOST husbands DON’T long for that “societal ideal” ... they just want their wives NAKED and SMILING."

'Course there are exceptions–especially if one or both have been affected by sexual abuse, sexual sin, and/or pornography (especially if it’s still happening!).

But many of us, I think, are in relatively happy marriages with spouses we love and who love us. We are DOING LIFE together. Our memories are not our own. We are companions and parents and lovers and friends. And being intimate physically is important and precious–but it’s not often the “Richter scale 10.0” of movies. It is, instead, an opportunity for us to come together and enjoy a pleasure that ONLY happens with this ONE other person. In all the world! Millions and millions and MILLIONS of people! But this ONE thing is only for the two of us.

A gift of grace. Imperfect. VERY awkward to talk (or blog!) about. But important in Christian marriage.

And that’s why I’m so grateful for Pastor Jason’s courage and love to help us all! Brave Pastor Jason. What a guy.

Hope your Mother’s Day is going well! We watched “The Great Debaters” and now we’re off for a bike ride.

With much love,
Tara B.

We just returned from the memorial service for Captain Andrew R. Pearson, a Billings resident who was killed in Iraq on April 30. He left behind a wife, four children, and a grateful nation.

I asked Sophia, “Why do we honor this man and his family?” And she replied:

"Because he was brave for the United States of America and he fought in the war in 'Rack so that we can be free. And that means that we can go to church and love Jesus–because in some countries, the bad men don’t allow you to go to church. But we are free because people died so that we can be free.

And we want to say thank you to his family and pray for them. I think I’ll pray right now."

And she did.

We had another wonderful day out at our friend’s “farm.” (I’d call it a RANCH, of course, but they say it’s too small to be a ranch. Hmmmmm ... seems pretty big to me!)

What a gift this redemptive friendship is!
And how FUN it is to get SOOOOOOOOOO MUDDY and SOOOOO dirty playing outside.

As soon as I even MENTIONED the farm this morning, Sophia ran upstairs and got all COWGIRLED UP ...



We enjoyed a fun drive and then played & played ...



Lilikoi had a BLAST with Hanke the Working Cowdog. (Hanke kept “herding” Lili.)



Hope you had a good day too!

Happily,
Tara B.

Wow. What a read.

The title grabbed me off of the news section of my Google homepage and I’m so glad I clicked over:

Vietnam-Era Vet Reports for Duty

There are so many wonderful aspects of this story.

Obviously, as a person who supports our troops and prays regularly for them, I am extremely grateful to have a dedicated and apparently skilled man back in our military. Not only does he contribute personally, but as his commanding officer said, others are watching him.

But my favorite part of the article was the picture of him at age 56 running cheerfully next to an exhausted man obviously decades his junior. The photo caption read:

Army Spc. Tom Owens joined a fitness club and dropped 20 pounds after learning he could get back into the Army. During a recent fitness test for the Army, he ran two miles in 17:30, then circled back to encourage others to cross the finish line.

Wow. I’m so convicted.

I can barely even imagine today going well for MYSELF ... but I’m so selfish! Not only could I approach this day with my heart fixed on Christ, I could encourage others to do the same!

My life does impact others. I can try to hide away and pretend it doesn't–but my conscience convicts me. (Oh! Thank You, God, for not giving me over completely to my sin and hardening my conscience! I know it’s what I deserve.)

I wonder ... I wonder ... COULD I figure out a way TODAY to REST that doesn’t involve SIN? (For me, this is my habitual call to sin re: food. To overeat. To eat unhealthy food. To eat to escape. To eat to run away.)

I pray ... I pray ...

"Please help me, God. Please help me to remember YOU. To rest in (which means to GRASP AT and LAY HOLD OF and PUT ALL OF MY CONFIDENCE IN; to cling to with ALL of my strength and emotions and thinking) ... You. Your goodness and holiness; your compassion and mercy; your Perfection as manifested and revealed in Your Son; your power to raise Him from the dead and to raise me again to New Life–not just in Heaven to come, but right now. Today. May 9, 2008.

Please help me, God.
Thank You!"

And thanks to all of you who have “circled back” to help one another here and over at PeaceGals re: peace with food.

Your encouraged sheep,
Tara B.

Our piano tuner just left and I can think is:

That’s what I need! A tune up for PEOPLE.

Can you imagine it?

I’d wake up in the morning–like, say, THIS morning and someone would BONK! me on the head with a tuning fork, give my heart a little TWANG! and before you’d know it:

- A little tweak here (You’re scared about temporary things again, Tara; you keep thinking that YOU have to somehow take care of EVERYTHING ... but really? You don’t have the time, power, strength, authority, or ability to take care of most of the things that are troubling you. You are forgetting that you are not an orphan. God is real! God is Your loving Heavenly Father.)

- A little tweak there (Oops! You want to go FLAT again ... run away, hide, escape, AVOID. But that doesn’t solve any of your problems or address any of your concerns. You can’t “fix” everything, but you do have SOME steps that you can take even now that will help. A little fresh air and some sunshine. Prayer. Reach out to a friend. Hold your four year-old as she falls asleep on your chest. (MY FAVORITE!! I LOVE it when her breathing matches mine and we just snuggle away.) A little diligence. Sin doesn’t help! But faith expressing itself in love? Ahhhhh. Good idea.)

- And a big old THWACK with the tuning hammer as needed (Thank You, God, that you do not leave me to my own devices! But You love me so much that you discipline me. I NEED it.)

All tuned up and ready to go.

Wouldn’t that be GRAND?????



Hope your week is progressing well.

Sending you love,
Tara B.

Sophia decided to play a little violin after small group tonight ... and after we had practiced “properly,” she wanted to just play SUPER DUPER FAST and have a little silly fun. And so we did.



I think my second favorite part of this video is when Lilikoi licked her hand as she was trying to play. It really IS hard to play the violin when a Golden Retriever is licking you.

But my absolute favorite part of this video is how she kept on going even when she crashed and burned towards the end.

“No one is perfect except for GOD,” she said.

Well done, Sophia Grace.
Well done.

We’re heading to bed now and hope you can say the same.

With love,
Tara (& Fred & Soph & Lili)

We read Psalm 23 for our Bible reading tonight.

To begin her prayer time by “praying back God’s attributes,” Sophia thanked God for being our Good Shepherd, for taking care of us just like “His little sheep,” and for always being Emmanuel–God with us–even though we may walk through dark and scary places at times.

And then she made my entire day when she prayed, “Thank You, God, for Mommy. And thank You, God, for You. Amen.”

Thank You, God, for You. Amen & Amen!

Good night and God bless–

Your friend,
Tara B.

Thanks for this great link, Molly!

Josh Harris on Educational Choices

What a winsome reminder that unity and mutual encouragement ARE possible in the Body of Christ ... even over an issue that (SADLY!) so often DIVIDES Christians.

I just posted a little update over at PeaceGals on my continual battle of faith’s fight against sin re: food/overeating:

How Was Your Week re: Food?

I hope you’ll join in on our discussion if PEACE WITH FOOD is a topic of interest to you.

You know ... I really did not WANT to try (again!) re: discipline in these areas. But having been the blessed recipient of biblical counsel, help, and confrontation from a dear friend (my pastor!) ... I am SO glad to be back “in the battle.”

Hope your week is off to a great start!

Yours,
Tara B.

Traveling home through four airports this morning, I’ve been enjoying Spurgeon’s Encyclopedia of Sermons. Not in any sort of systematic, academic way, mind you ... but just topically. I’m reading on things that are of particular interest to me at this time in my life.

This morning I read Pastor Spurgeon’s exposition of Psalm 51 because I’ve been thinking a lot about repentance lately.

He writes:

"Psalm 51:8. Make me to hear joy and gladness ...

How late in the Psalm that prayer comes! He writes seven verses before he dares to pray for joy and gladness; and those seven verses are all either confessions of sin or petitions for deliverance from sin; and, my sinful friend, you must not first seek to get rid of your sorrow; but, rather, be thankful for your sorrow for sin, and pray that you may never lose that sorrow until you lose the sin that causes it.

Psalm 51:8. That the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

If God’s children fall into sin, the Lord does not wink at their sin, but He chastises them so severely that He sometimes even breaks their bones; but God’s pardoning mercy can set those bones, and make each broken and mended bone to become a mouth for holy song: “that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.”

Never pleasant this bone breaking aspect of repentance, eh? But I am grateful for it.

Grace to you on this blessed Lord’s Day!
It’s Sunday! The best day of the week.

With love,
Tara B.

My thanks and love to all of the ladies in West Virginia who spent their weekends with me!

It was a great joy to be with you all–

Hope you enjoy a restful and blessed Sabbath!

Yours,
Tara B.

Oh my! But I was SO blessed by the Lord as I read and re-read Exodus 33 & 34 today.

I encourage you to flip on over to these incredible chapters in the Old Testament and see the Gospel!

- God’s covenant to be our God
- God goes with us and is our REST
- He covers us
- God is compassionate and gracious, abounding in love and faithfulness!

Oh my. But I needed that today (and every day!).

Grace to you–

With love from West Virginia,
Tara B.

Just wanted to let you know that I posted another reply on our “Peace with Food” discussion over at PeaceGals:

Hitting My Trifecta of Temptations to Overeat

Today’s RZIM devotional was particularly on-point for our family given a little situation that arose last night …

The “Slice of Infinity” devotional was on the topic of death. The author, J.M. Njoroge, wrote:

“In spite of the proverbial certainty of death and taxes, the human psyche has always dreamed of discovering loopholes in whatever mechanisms fix the limits. Yet though it might be possible to cheat on one’s taxes, “cheating death” remains a phrase of wishful-thinking applied to incidences of short-lived victories against our own mortality. Eventually, death honors its ignominious appointment with all of us, calling the bluff of the temptation to believe that we are the masters of our own destiny. But despite the universal, empirical verification of its indiscriminate efficiency, we continue to be constantly surprised whenever death strikes. Only a painfully troubled life can be so thoroughly desensitized against its ugliness as to not experience the throbbing agony of the void it creates within us whenever the earthly journey of a loved one comes to an end.

Such a peculiar reaction to an otherwise commonplace occurrence points strongly to the fact that this world is not our home. As Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells us, God has put eternity in our hearts, and therefore the mysterious notion that we are not meant to die is no mere pipe dream: it sounds a clarion call to the eternal destiny of our souls.”

(I encourage you to read the rest of his essay at the RZIM website.)

This topic was timely for us as a family because as we were all cuddling (happily squished together!) in Sophie’s little bed at the end of the day, Sophie challenged me with a statement that I assume every mother has heard at some point:

“You will NEVER leave me, RIGHT MOMMA?!”

It was late, I still needed to pack, and I didn’t REALLY want to tackle such a meaty topic with my inquisitive four-year old, so I tried to deflect:

“I LOVE you, Sophie!”

She was undeterred.

“You will NEVER leave me, RIGHT Momma?! You will ALWAYS be here with me, RIGHT?!?”

She persisted even after a few more rounds of my “I LOVE you, Sophie!” responses, and finally escalated to what she was REALLY thinking about:

“Daddy will die first, right? And THEN you, right Mom? And that won’t be for a long time … RIGHT MOMMA?!?!”

So, of course, I told her the truth: “Sophie, I have no idea when I am going to die or daddy is going to die or you are going to die. BUT THIS I KNOW … we will ALL be OK. We will live together FOREVER in Heaven. God will always take care of us and we don’t have to worry about this at all. I PROMISE you, you will be OK, dear. You will be loved and taken care of and SAFE. For sure. 100%. I promise it.”

Still … her little heart and mind were rolling right along. I could almost see the gears churning away and I waited, wondering if, like the good little lawyer-in-training that she is, she’d follow-up with the question that REALLY needed answering. She did.

“BUT MOM! Who would take care of me if BOTH you and daddy die?!”

And so I told her. “You would go and live with our friends, Mr. and Mrs. Z. and their three boys. They would love you as their own daughter and you would have three brothers who would become your bestest friends. You would have a safe, happy home. You would still get to see all of your beloved grandparents and aunties and uncles and cousins. You would keep learning and growing; you would have a new church and violin teacher and you would be safe and LOVED, honey. I promise it.”

I kept it simple and encouraged her to not dwell on such things because really? We all may live long lives together and daddy and I may be there at her wedding and when her first child is born and we become grandparents, etc. etc.

Still … tears were silently coming down my cheeks just thinking about it all.

Reflecting on all of this on my second of three flights today, I was grateful for many things:

- that we had a will and our guardianship was set (AND that our family members and church leaders know about our will and guardianship directives and support our decisions)
- that we have such dear friends who would be willing to take in our daughter as their own and raise her in Christ with devotion, delight, and faithful love
- that no matter what the future brings, we have had the JOY of four years with this little lamb. I just love her so much!

I guess it’s the estate planning attorney in me that wanted to share all this with you and encourage (beg?!) you all to please make sure your estate planning is SET … especially if you have minor children.

Life is so short! I pray that we will live wisely and that our greatest passion in life will always be for something much bigger than our temporary pleasures. May our hearts will be FIXED on eternity to come! Our True Home.

With love from Momma Lawyer—
Tara B.

Wow! So many comments in just a few hours on my post re: food/losing weight/discipline.

Anyone interested in moving this discussion over to PeaceGals?.

I started a thread there under “Peace Within”:

Want to join me? Let’s help each other with ACCOUNTABILITY!

We’ll see if ya’ll migrate over to PeaceGals. (I think it might be nicer than having to navigate the comments feature of this blog.)

Otherwise–I’ll talk with you again as soon as I get to a wifi!

Blessings and joy,
Tara B.