considerable grace

Our family started reading the C.S. Lewis Chronicles of Narnia books today and when Tumnus (the faun / half man-half goat) was introduced, Sophie said:

“That’s like a Sphinx! Half-man / half-lion!”

I totally chuckled that she would draw that analogy because until I Googled it, I wasn’t even sure exactly what a Sphinx was. Ahhhh–just one of a million things that Sophie will teach me in life, I am sure.

Right now Fred and Sophie are knocking on all of the backs of all of our closets just in case.

Happily yours,
Tara B.

We’re still loving doing the First Catechism with Sophia every day. (Although I’m starting to seek counsel as to what we should have her work on memorizing next, since it seems as though she might be done with all 150 questions in the next few months. We already do other Bible memory verses and we started memorizing a poem a week too–but I was thinking of something LONG and EXTENDED so that we have to really work at it. Maybe an entire BOOK of the Bible? Hmmmmmmmmmm .... Please let me know if you have any ideas!)

ANYWAY ...

What made me think of the Catechism was the fact that this morning as I walked Lili, I was thinking about:

Q. 94: How should you keep the Lord’s Day?
A. I should rest from my daily work and faithfully worship God.

And I was further reflecting on how pleasant it will be to actually get to REST today because Fred (WISELY!) helped me to be diligent yesterday after we got home from our long family bike ride. All I wanted to do was RELAX but he encouraged me to work hard and THEN relax. He reminded me that I will enjoy the Sabbath even more if I am diligent with my duties today. And he was RIGHT. I worked for HOURS to do laundry, scrub bathrooms, remake beds, dust, wipe, swiffer, pay bills, reconcile off our month on Quicken, etc. etc. And today will be so much more RESTFUL (and pleasant!) as a result.

Another thing I was grateful for this morning was that I didn’t lose my second Golden Retriever this week! I could have, though, very easily because one of the mornings when Lili and I took orders to the post office on our morning walk, I THOUGHT I had looped her leash through the bike rack (like usual)–but when I came out (cars zipping in and out, people everywhere, two VERY busy streets RIGHT THERE) ... she was sitting right next to the bike rack WITH HER LEASH ATTACHED TO NOTHING. I must’ve looped it into AIR–but there she sat. OH! I know that really smart dogs do this every day–but we didn’t choose Lilikoi for her brains and I was SHOCKED that she was just sitting there, safe and sound. What a grace.

Of course, the thing I’m looking forward to the most today is gathering corporately and hear God’s Word preached by our wonderful intern, Bryce Waller, and to worship and pray with our church family! What a gift of God’s mercy that we have the freedom and privilege to worship publicly. This freedom was bought at a great price, as I was reminded of again yesterday when I was at my friends' home and saw their son’s Purple Heart framed with the photo of him being treated on the battlefield, his fellow soldiers encircling him and the medic, still firing away at the enemy around them.

This is the psalm that is framed with the photo and the Purple Heart:

"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." Psalm 91:11

Sophie said that God kept that bullet from doing even more damage and of course she is right. But oh oh oh. I just don’t have words to say.

And so I’ll stop! Time to get our family out the door to church–

Enjoy your Sabbath!

Yours,
Tara B.

One of my favorite people in the world is Ajith Fernando. This quiet, gentle, giant of a man of faith serves Youth for Christ with passion, brilliance, and faithful, humble, love. I never fail to learn when I read anything he writes–and I am always drawn to worship Christ.

I think I may have posted this essay he wrote on "Leaders as In-House Peacemakers" a few years back (can you believe I’ve blogged over 1,200 posts?!)–but it’s so good that I wanted to share it again. (Please note that the bolded sections are my emphases, not Pastor Fernando’s.)

Hope your weekend is restful and enjoyable!

Yours,
Tara B.

LEADERS AS IN-HOUSE PEACEMAKERS
by Ajith Fernando

I have found that one of the most important roles of leaders is to be “in-house peacemakers,” that is, to lead in solving unity problems within the group they lead. This priority is seen in the high priestly prayer of Jesus when he prayed asking that his disciples be one so that the world may believe (John 17:11, 22). Paul also expressed this priority when he said, “complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind” (Philip. 2:2). Something of his joy was gone when believers did not dwell in unity. So he urges them to become one again. Later, using emphatic language this time, he says, “I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord” (Philip. 4.2)

WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT FOR LEADERS
I can say that in my over twenty-six at my job, maintaining unity among the YFC leaders has been the most demanding challenge I have had. A dear friend of mine, who is both the CEO of a bank and an Assembly of God pastor, once told me, “The most important task of a leader is to keep the team united.”

Leaders are essentially enablers: they enable others to do the work that takes their group/church forward. Few things hinder the forward march of a group as much as disunity within the group. It causes emotional and spiritual exhaustion. Despite its great cost Christian ministry is a gloriously exciting work that thrills the heart of the minister. What more exciting thing could one do than to be carried along by the fresh wind of the Spirit. But disunity grieves and quenches the Spirit. Rather than being joyously carried along by God’s Spirit, we have to grind out our work through sheer human effort. That is exhausting. And, working without joy, we become irritable and lash out at people, especially those who we think are not working as hard as we are. Through that we lose our spiritual credibility and also struggle with the guilt that accompanies these outbursts. Toil, guilt and anger with colleagues are a sure formula for burn-out.

So disunity must be confronted the moment it emerges and dealt with as a matter of urgency. I think this is one reason why we leaders end up so tired (smile)! Disunity has a nasty way of surfacing when we are most busy! We could lay aside the peacemaking role by saying that we are too busy and tired. That is what many of us do, but the consequences of this neglect are terrible. Like Jesus and Paul, leaders must take the first steps in initiating a discussion when even a hint of disunity is sensed. We may end up tired, but the unity that results gives us the freedom of the Spirit. I would any day take on tiredness in exchange for this loss of the freedom of the Spirit. When we are free, we are joyful, and joy is perhaps the most wonderful treasure one can have on earth. “Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” (Psalm 133:1).

Of course, we must try and catch up on the rest we lost as a result of the peacemaking effort (This is what I will try to do in a few minutes!). When we neglect rest we break a law of God and therefore that neglect should be classed as a sin.

Doing my part to foster unity in YFC is an area in which I have failed often. And most often the reason for my failure has been that I have not considered a problem that surfaced as urgent when it really was urgent. The reason for my neglect is that when I find out about the problem I think, “That is a minor matter,” and because I am very busy and terribly absent minded, it just slips out of my mind. A few days (and sometimes weeks) later I find that the hurt person is still hurt over the problem and is now also hurt with me because I have not done anything about it even though I knew about it. If something we consider a minor matter causes a member to be hurt, and thus jeopardises the unity of the group, that issue immediately becomes a major matter. After so many years of ministry I still keep making this error regularly. In fact, that is what prompted me to write this article! (By reading this you have become privy to a confession!!).

WHEN MEMBERS LEAVE US
Let me also say that I think one of the hardest times in the life of a leader is when a member of our group leaves unhappily. Actually it is one of the hardest times for the whole group-the potential for the rest of the team to become demotivated and discouraged and discouraged at such a time is immense. We may think that this person is totally wrong in his or her attitude. But we are leaders, and that means that when these angry people came to work for us we took on the responsibility of shepherding them-of looking after them. The fact that they are now mad at us does not take away our shepherding responsibility. In fact, it shows that this project of looking after this particular member has seen some failure.

We must do all we can to salvage the situation. And one of the things we can do is to ensure that the one leaving us is on the path to healing from the pain resulting from involvement with us. One key to healing is telling us what they feel. They had spent their years and their energy working with us, and now it is very hard for them to leave unhappily. They should be given the opportunity of telling the full story of why they are leaving. If we have strong personalities we could overwhelm the sharing persons by responding to their accusations so strongly that they are at a loss for words. We can avoid an embarrassing and humiliating situation that way, but we don’t help to heal this person’s wounds. We have acted selfishly.

The commercial world has recently discovered the value of the “exit interview.” It is a pity that the church has not caught on to that yet. If they have not had an opportunity to unburden themselves by telling us what is on their mind, those things will remain as a festering wound that could cause severe bitterness and severe spiritual and ministerial crippling.

They will go to their next group with unhealed wounds which will erupt when touched. Often the result is that very soon they leave their new group too. They become “evangelical grasshoppers”-and what a common phenomenon that is today!

I can tell you that these exit interviews can be devastating to the leader. Perhaps you have tried hard to be fair, but this person views you as having acted very unfairly. But if it helps in the recovery of the angry member, then it is our duty to take on the devastation in love. After all, that person’s vulnerability and uncertainty, as he or she goes in search of a new group, is often more serious than our pain. Besides, does not the good shepherd lay down his life for the sheep (John 10:11)? Dying-experiencing pain, inconvenience, tiredness on behalf of those we lead-is one of the primary callings of Christian ministry.

THEOLOGY-DRIVEN PEACEMAKING
Through these many years I have had numerous conflict situations both in family life and in the ministry. During those times there have been three important theological principles that have given me hope and encouraged me to persevere, even when the going has been really tough. It is our theology that gives us the courage to do the tough things that the biblical lifestyle demands of us, even though emotionally we may not be inclined towards doing them.

This is a key point, because our so-called post-modern generation has been described “as an instinctually stimulated generation where people prefer to feel than to think” (Laurence Wood). Now this feature of society may influence our evangelistic styles, but our lifestyle and decision-making must always be theologically (that is, biblically) driven. Some are saying today that this “Biblicism” is simply a part of the evangelical heritage from the so-called modern era and that it can therefore be modified. We cannot do that because this is the way of life that God’s Word prescribes for us (2 Tim. 3:16-17). So this is an area where we Evangelicals must be counter-cultural. Not to be Bible driven in our decision-making is to be syncretistic.

It looks like I have got caught up in a digression, but it is an intentional one. I believe the reason why the Evangelical church today is lazy about striving for peace (Eph. 4:3) is that she is not skilled in the art of having the Bible overcome natural fleshly inclinations such as the inclination is to avoid the unpleasantness of confronting disunity.

Here then are the three theological principles.

1. What unites us as members of the body of Christ is much, much more powerful and influential in determining our actions than what divides us. Ephesians 4:4-6 says that what unites us is the motivation to being eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit (4:3). This theological motivation causes us to approach the problem with confidence even though the conflict may be huge.

2. Because God is sovereign over the affairs of this world, however serious the problem, he is able to turn it to good if we let him. So we work with believing that good will come out of this if we are obedient. Because unity is the will of God, it should come into our reckoning when we think of the goodness that will come out of the conflict.

3. However deep the hurt, we know that God’s love is greater than that pain and than the unkindness that caused it. This gives us the courage to forgive those who have hurt us and to strive for reconciliation rather than to strive to win the immediate battle. We can win the battle to retrieve our wounded ego and lose the war for kingdom principles. True success is measured not from temporary triumphs in individual battles but from the triumph of the agenda of the kingdom. It is sobering to note that this agenda encompasses every member of the body of Christ, even the one who is now our enemy.

Are you a leader? Then devote yourself to in-house peacemaking. Be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephes. 4:3).

Strong language again from Paul! This is urgent business in the Pauline understanding of ministry.

Ajith Fernando
Youth for Christ, 129/1b High Level Road, Kirulapone, Colombo 5,
Sri Lanka

BTW–If you asked for one of my Free Favorite CCEF Booklets and haven’t yet received it, you should drop me an email and let me know. I sent them a long time ago and some of you didn’t confirm your address with me so I might not have had a current address for you.

(Hint, hint if your first initial is an “M” and you live in Texas because I just received your booklet back in the mail today as having a wrong address. Oops! Please email me your address and I’ll resend.)

Just as a little FYI–in general, I don’t track snail-mail addresses for y'all because I just can’t imagine our family having enough $$$ to ever do a “real mail” mailing. I just keep your email addresses in our little family address book (NEVER to be shared with ANYONE of course!) ... so even if I’ve sent you things in the past, if you want to actually receive something from me and I say, “Please make sure I have your mailing address,” I mean it.

Must scoot now! Big ol' writing project due today and there are only a few more hours in today left.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

What a week! Has yours been as full as mine? I feel like I haven’t had two consecutive minutes to just SIT and BE – but I’m sure that’s an exaggeration. My exhaustion level is undoubtedly compounded by a (hmmmm–how to phrase this delicately?) more challenging than usual certain time of the month. Blergh.

On my walk with Lili this morning, I was really praying for DILIGENCE today, this weekend ... really for the next ten days or so. I feel like if I could just make it over this hump of:

- Getting our school year started

- Reviewing, editing, and finalizing the Peacemaker version of my video series

- Helping Fred during a crazy-busy time at work that is compounded in its difficulty by one of his employees quitting last week

(Hey! Do you know any godly men or women with strong writing/marketing skills who would like to live in GORGEOUS Montana and work for the WORLD’S NICEST GUY at a cool peacemaking ministry?? Please let me know if you do! )

- Prepping to teach five workshops at the Peacemaker Conference

- Updating our estate planning documents (are yours current??)

- Getting our 2007 family scrapbook/photo album finalized (Ooh! I HATE it when I don’t have our family’s album done by June of the next year!)

... if I could just get through this “stuff”, then maybe my daily normal challenges (mommy-hood; wife-hood; being an encouraging and helpful friend, church member, and family member; continuing to work on my health goals and spiritual disciplines; serving my community, etc. etc. etc.) MIGHT be doable.

But the truth is that this huge big ol' pile of GRAYNESS/STUFF that needs my attention really tempts me to SLACK OFF AND HIDE AWAY. Veg out. (Really honestly? EAT.)

'Course, at the end of that lazy, gluttonous, slothful day, ALL OF MY TO-DO’S WOULD REMAIN. I would just feel MORE burdened because of my legitimate GUILT and I’d have less energy to tackle my duties because I would be out of shape and unhealthy.

AND SO ...

Today I am praying for the grace to worship Jesus and trust in His grace.

- To love my husband and children–and NOT view them as “to-do-items” to check off of my list.
- For diligence–but not crazy-Tara-running-around-ness.
- For wisdom to know what redemptive, God-honoring REST looks like for me. (Not escapism. Just godly rest.)

Hope your Friday is a good one!

Sending you love–
Tara B.

Today I had the joy of taking care of two children while my friends moved to their new home. We did lots of fun little adventures–one of which includes the most glorious time at a playground that I’ve had in a LONG time. You know those glorious playground days, don’t you? Blue sky, white fluffy clouds, PERFECT temperature, kids playing creatively and happily while you read a book. (I just started Masters of the Air.)

Until ... until ...

Three immodestly dressed teenagers came right onto the playground, loudly swearing, two of the three pawing at each other and kissing right there on the swing set in front of three young children.

!!

Of course, I immediately gathered the kids and we packed up and left. In the car, I explained that those young people were doing things and saying things that were inappropriate, and it wasn’t wise for us to stay. I asked the kids what kind of teenagers THEY wanted to grow up to be (the kind that works and studies hard and serves their families and churches OR the kind that hangs out at playgrounds saying swear words and kissing people who are not their spouses).

And yes, by grace!, I did have the presence of mind (by faith!) to ask the kids if we were “better” than those teenagers ("NO!") and to remind them that it is only God’s grace that WE don’t dress immodestly and behave inappropriately, etc. etc.

But really? I was mad that those teenagers had ruined a lovely afternoon. And I was begging God to give me a heart to hate their sin but be gracious and merciful in my heart towards them.

I re-read an excerpt from Ken Sande’s book, The Peacemaker, to help me in my repentance:

"When we judge others and condemn them in our hearts for not meeting our desires, we are imitating the Devil (see James 3:15; 4:7). In doing so, we have doubled our idolatry problem: not only have we let an idolatrous desire rule our hearts, but we have also set ourselves up as judging mini-gods. This is a formula for excruciating conflict.

I am not saying that it is inherently wrong to evaluate or even judge others within certain limits. As we will see in Chapter 7, Scripture teaches that we should observe and evaluate others’ behavior so that we can respond and minister to them in appropriate ways, which may even involve loving confrontation (see Matt. 7:1-5; 18:15; Gal. 6:1).

We cross the line, however, when we begin to sinfully judge others, which is characterized by a feeling of superiority, indignation, condemnation, bitterness, or resentment. Sinful judging often involves speculating on other’s motives. Most of all, it reveals the absence of a genuine love and concern toward them. When these attitudes are present, our judging has crossed the line and we are playing God."

Eek! Don’t want to do that!

Later in the night, Sophie and I reflected on how sin affects not only US but people AROUND US too. And we prayed for those teenagers AND for our own hearts too. For we ALL need The Savior and compared to the righteousness of Christ? Well ... we’re just a bunch of messed-up teenagers sinning publicly in a playground.

Grateful for grace,
Tara B.

This quote made me chuckle one of those “Hmmmmmm ... strikes close to HOME!” sort of ways:

"If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning." Catherine Aird

Big Girl Sophia Grace “officially” started Kindergarten today ...



We had a wonderful day at our church’s little co-op ("officially" Soph’s too young to start “real” Kindergarten–so Fred & I just said, “Congratulations! You’re a Kindergartener!” and off we went into our Fall ...):





We were particularly blessed that our beloved Pastors Alfred & Jason and Elder Clark and Mr. Acheson and Mr. Waller started our school-year by praying for us:



I, personally, had to CHUCKLE at our bulletin boards because, well, Fred & I (and our friend Caroline) did our best to create something relatively interesting but ... of course, I have NO confidence in bulletin-board-creation. I kept telling myself, “Better Than Blank, Tara! Better Than Blank! That’s Your Goal.”





OK. I’m off to get Soph through her bath and bedtime routine. Our home smells DELICIOUS (just like a “real home!” I keep telling myself because I discovered–thanks to dear Amy L!–A Year of CrockPotting and today I made the WORLD’S EASIEST RECIPE EVER–(Brown Sugar Chicken ... even I had ALL of the ingredients on hand and I am the WORLD’S WORST COOK/domestic diva EVER!!).

Hope you all enjoyed a lovely Tuesday too!

Yours,
Tara B.

Preach, preach, PREACH IT sister MakingHome!

The Intentional Marriage

Remember that mistake our accountant made back in, oh, APRIL?

And then the SECOND mistake he made–to his credit, trying to help but not understanding one tiny (albeit important nuance) of the I.R.S.?

And remember how I freaked out (who me?!) and we had to come up with THOUSANDS of dollars to pay taxes that we DIDN’T owe?

Well ... finally ... yesterday (yes, almost SEPTEMBER), we received that huge interest-free-loan-TO-the-IRS back. I am SO grateful!! And reconciling off the month in Quicken will be SO much easier this month not having to juggle that cashflow challenge.

What a grace. Whew!
I am rejoicing in God’s provision and looking forward to getting to the bank.

Big Kindergartener Girl Day Today!
Fall is here.

Hope you have a great one–

Yours,
Tara B.

School starts tomorrow. (I just finished Soph’s little “Big Girl Kindergartener Interview” for our scrapbook–SO FUN!) The Peacemaker Conference is just a few weeks away. And I don’t know about you, but it sure feels like FALL is really here for our family.

So I wanted to be sure to let you know that the original version of my DVD series is still available – but not for long.

I’d have to do a quick count this morning to be sure, but I think I’m down to around 20 copies of the complete series and an additional 20 or 30 copies of just the study guide.

So if you want the “more personal Tara” version with our family photos, the behind-the-scenes clip, the extra Q&A session, “Peacemaker Junkie,” all of the Trudy Poirier music, and (I think most importantly), the data disc with the 104 page study guide and a copyright that allows you to print off as many copies of the guide as you want in perpetuity ... please don’t wait much longer.

I am truly excited that I’ll get to be involved with The Peacemaking Church in the future ...

But if you’ve been hanging out with ol' Tara even pre-Sophie and way back when I had to take personal vacation days from my job at Peacemakers to do only occasional women’s retreats ...

If you have any of my old teaching recordings (made with–literally!–a Walkman audiotape recorder tucked in my POCKET!) ...

If you’ve been lurking on this blog for awhile or for whatever reason you’d just like to have the “older/original/more personal Tara” version

... please don’t wait any longer–please put your order in right away.

Thanks thanks thanks!

And happy Monday to you–

Yours,
Tara B.

I just pitched a potentially new topic to Peacemaker Ministries for their conference next month and I’d LOVE to know whether you think it sounds interesting/helpful/etc:

How to Grow Redemptive (and Enjoyable!) Relationships among Our Women—Especially When We Disagree: Do you have a hard time even imagining what it would be like for the relationships among your women to be united, mutually-encouraging, and overflowing with grace—especially when you disagree on important topics? In this workshop, we will discuss some of the most commonly-divisive topics among women (working outside of the home, children and childrearing, domestic duties, educational choices, money, sex, in-laws, etc.) and prayerfully consider some biblical and practical ways we can grow genuinely redemptive (and even enjoyable!) relationships among our women. (By the way—if you instinctively think, “There is NO way I will ever feel comfortable or wanted around Christian women!” then this workshop is particularly for YOU because that is exactly the way the speaker, Tara Barthel, felt around Christian women for years.)

I was having a pretty good day–and THEN. Fred said something that brought up all sorts of selfish and demanding thoughts in my head.

He basically (vulnerably!) shared how he was feeling a little sad and could use some encouragement and tender care.

My INSTINCTUAL response (oh! what a sinner I am!!) was to think, “Yeah! Me too! How about it, buddy? How about any of those date nights or love notes or flowers that Pastor Jason’s been encouraging you to pursue me with to further build back our friendship, love, and intimacy, HMMMMMMMM?”

But what I SAID–after a LONG pause, in which I:

a) Thought my selfish, completely unloving, even down-right MEAN it was so astoundingly PERFORMANCE-ORIENTED thought;

B) Literally HEARD MY OWN VOICE encouraging OTHERS to treat people with mercy, grace, and lavish love–just as they have received from God in Christ and to NOT get stuck in a performance-orientation where they treat others as they DESERVE (and saw a picture in my mind of Pastor Jason saying this same thing too–over and over again); and

C) Prayed

... was, “You bet, honey. Absolutely. I will make a special effort to be gentle with you and compassionate toward you. And you can trust that even if you don’t change, no matter how you treat me, I am always going to be here for you as your wife because I love you and I am committed to you. I’m not going anywhere. I know that we will get through this. God will help us.”

Faith is doing what doesn’t seem natural, eh?
Thank God for the gift of repentance and faith.
(And for such a precious, beloved husband too.)

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
I just received an email from a friend asking a question about this post and I thought that you might enjoy our exchange ... so here is an (edited) version:

Hi Tara,

This is a question for my personal clarification (and maybe what you typed isn’t exactly what you said to Fred). But I’m curious about the words you said in your blog post today:

"And you can trust that even if you don’t change, no matter how you treat me, I am always going to be here for you as your wife because I love you and I am committed to you."

I feel like I’ve made things worse with my husband in the past for saying things like “even if you don’t change,” and “no matter how you treat me,” because isn’t that putting blame on him in a back-handed kind of way? Doesn’t that imply that he’s the bad guy but I’m going to love him anyway? As though I am somehow superior to him?

I struggled a lot with this several years ago ... saying underhanded type comments while acting like I was the better one. And I then ARGUED VEHEMENTLY that I didn’t intend the comments to be mean and sound like that, but looking back, I now see that I was often wrong. The truth is that I did feel superior to him and I was attacking him in a back-handed kind of way.

Have you considered whether you might have actually insulted Fred yesterday? Were you feeling superior and blaming him?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts–
[name]

And here is my reply:

[name]—Thanks for being such a faithful, real-life FRIEND to me and for loving me enough to ask me the hard questions. [name], I WELCOME your comments, questions, and even your criticisms whenever you want to share them with me.

Re: your question on this specific matter … I could TOTALLY see how words COULD come across in the way you described and I absolutely think we need to be careful about that! But in this situation, no, I wasn’t feeling at ALL superior to Fred and my words came across to him as the loving and encouraging words that I meant them to be.

(I know this for sure because I asked him specifically about how he was feeling when he reviewed this blog this morning before I posted it.)

In our conversation yesterday, what I was actually feeling was that I had to die to self and love him NO MATTER WHAT because what really ministered to him in that specific moment was hearing words of commitment (which I meant) and NOT words of performance (“Well, sure, I’ll be here for you but you’d better get your act together to DO BETTER FIRST!”). That’s what I actually meant and that’s what he actually heard.

But context is key, eh? And in this context it just so happens that (GRACE GRACE GRACE!) God helped me to repent and be gracious rather than the selfish jerk I was tempted to be.

Hope this helps to clarify. I think I’ll put this little discussion (anonymously of course) in a P.S. because it might help some others too, if that’s OK with you of course.

Love from Montana!
– Tara B.

Sophie was SO excited to tell me something yesterday that she RAN into the kitchen and THREW her arms around me:

"Momma! Momma! Guess WHAT?!!

Emma and I were having a big fight and she said that I NEVER let her have a certain doll and that isn’t true and I was about to yell BACK at her ... but then I remembered, “A gentle answer turns away wrath.”

(Commercial break here from the Momma ... Thank you Susan Hunt and My ABC Bible Verses! We’re only one week into memorizing the verses–just up to “E"–and ALREADY our family is being SO blessed. OK, back to regularly scheduled Sophie programming ...)

”So instead of yelling, I quietly and sweetly said, “I’m sorry Emma. I should let you play with that dolly more. Will you please forgive me?”

And GUESS WHAT MOM?!? Emma FORGAVE me!! And we were reconciled and it really DID work–a gentle answer stopped the fight!"

Hooray! Hooray! It was the best part of my entire day yesterday.

Now ... if Fred and I can just turn the corner and start using a gentle answer in the fight we are CURRENTLY–yup, right now as I type this–in the middle of. (Fred wanted a little time to pray and try to understand his heart before we continue our, ummm, conversation.)

Hope your Saturday is a blessed one! Ours started out great ... we had a nice breakfast and rode our bikes down to the little Billings farmer’s market. But then I had to edit a certain project that has, well, consistently caused us all sorts of friction for MONTHS now and the fighting began. How I am praying for God’s help and grace for us! Oh oh oh–but these kind of things can feel SO impossible. But nothing is impossible for God, right?

Less of me. More of Christ. This, I pray.

Yours in the battle,
Tara B.

We had a great day!

It was our first time watching Trudy & Pastor Alfred’s grand-daughters–the sweetest and cutest little twins you’ve ever seen–and we had a wonderful day.

Sophie was a great helper, although (like all of us!), she did get a little tired mid-afternoon. We had a little cuddle-time and prayer-time and a pep-talk too–all about how we were there to serve and how service takes effort, etc. etc.

It’s now evening and the house is back in order. We’re heading toward bathtime and Bible/Catechism/Little House on the Prairie reading and cuddle time. Grace truly abounds.

Hope you’re all looking forward to a restful weekend!

Yours happily if exhaustedly,
Tara B.

Sophie made my momma heart very happy yesterday when we were driving around town, doing errands, and singing out loud to a fun Raffi album.

As I was singing the actual words to a certain song ("Thanks a lot ..."), Sophie gently “corrected” me and said:

"Momma! The words are actually ‘Thank You, Lord!’"

And I said, “You bet!” And that’s what we sang the rest of the time.

Much to be thankful for!

Yours,
Tara B.

Pastor Anyabwile is continuing his study on marriage and family and we are all the blessed recipients of his work of humility, scholarship, faith, and love. Don’t miss this latest post:

What a Husband Must Be

In it, he lists five things that drive women to marry men who are not prepared to lead in marriage. (Oh oh oh! But I’ve heard all five of these reasons a lot too.)

He also lists five things that a husband must be. Consider number 4:

4. Must lead in selflessness. “...nourishes and cherishes....” The husband should be the first one in the family to go without, sacrifice, or lay it down for the family. “If he’s not, then he’s shortsighted. He doesn’t realize what you’re building for the future.”

Mmmmmmm. Good stuff here! Hope it’s a blessing to you too.

Yours,
Tara B.

There is a great article by Pastor Ben Hames over at ByFaith Magazine having to do with confessing sins one to another:

It Has Become Clearer ... That We Should Confess Our Sins to One Another

Consider just an excerpt:

" ... Many in the church have begun to see the value of having a Christian brother or sister to hold them accountable in life. This service to one another is a great example of the Church of Christ living as vivified community. Confession moves us beyond the cognitive and internal toward the tangible and at least mildly communal. Through this, believers find they are more honest with themselves, more cognizant of God’s standards, and above all more aware of their everyday need of God’s grace. Of course, in all this there is a risk—that someone will find out we’re sinners in need of God’s grace.

Upon this fresh consideration, I am convinced that we neglect great grace in our neglect of confession. We should pray that God would grant us transparent relationships among the believers around us."

Amen!

How grateful I am for the (imperfect but Divinely instituted) Body of Christ. I am tremendously blessed to have church leaders who regularly confess sin (they model for us) and who help us to confess as well (they help us). It’s all a part of our growth in grace—our sanctification—becoming more and more holy in heart and conduct.

Hope you have a great Wednesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Mommylife.net just posted a wonderful video and I encourage you to take a few moments to view it:



I think its timing is particularly appropriate because someone I know (and love very much!) is just now trying to help an organization to become more service oriented (both internally and externally). Plus, I was reflecting this week on what a difference it makes when someone interacts with me (usually via email) as though I were a human being (trying to do her best) rather than a human-ATM-who-only-exists-to-give-people-what-they-demand (information, resources, whatever).

I guess that’s why we know our produce manager, deli workers, checkout lane ladies, and gentlemen who bag our groceries all by name at our local Albertson’s. And they know us. Human beings! With bills and fears and joys and probably very, very tired feet from working so hard.

Oh! How I pray that I will be a woman who serves and serves and loves and loves. Only God can do this good work in me! I thank God for His grace.

Yours,
Tara B.

I can’t believe it–but it’s true. I actually joined Facebook.

I don’t plan on spending a lot of time there–but it’s already put me a little bit in touch with some “blasts from the past” which is quite fun.

Do you Facebook? Maybe we’ll bump into each other as fans of Peacemaker Ministries or some other overlapping interest. 'Twould be grand–especially for insomnia nights.

Love ya!
– Tara B.

I remember once when a woman in my church and I were talking about my ongoing struggle with gluttony/sloth and I made the remark something to the effect of:

"I’m just not used to being so overweight. I never was this way before."

She said, “Really? I’ve only ever known you like this.”

It gave me great pause and I started to do some math ...

I am 38 years old. Not counting the years I was kind of my own as a teenager (because of my parent’s divorce and all of the stuff that went on during my high school years), let’s say I’ve been an adult since I was 18 years old. That means I’ve been an adult for 20 years.

I gained my 100 lbs basically when I got pregnant with Sophie and in the year following her delivery–so that would be when I was 33 - 34 years old.

That means that I’ve been morbidly obese (BMI) for five years – or a QUARTER of my adult life.

So I asked myself, “Is this the life that I am going to keep on leading? Not having enough energy and health to ride bikes, hike in the mountains, SCUBA dive, etc? Really?”

And then I started walking Lili every morning for an hour, doing abs & weights, and being more healthful in my eating. And do you know what ELSE motivated me? MY SHADOW.

I think that it can be easy to have some level of mild bodily dysmorphia in life–thin people can see themselves as being “fat,” overweight people (especially those of us who have given ourselves over to stretchy black pants!) can be blind to just how much weight we’ve gained, etc. etc.

That was me–I didn’t really see just how unhealthy I had grown, what a bad steward of my body/health I really was being.

But my shadow? Well ... that gave me pause because as I walked Lili in the early morning sun, I saw the actual shadow that my body shape cast. And yes, I know that Fred adores me and finds me attractive and lovely. And no, I’m not down on myself or being self-critical. It’s just factual that I had a plump, round, overweight woman’s shape. That was me.

And wanting to be of better use for God’s Kingdom; wanting to be able to serve better; wanting to participate more actively in my family’s life ... again, I’ve been trying to work on health goals. And it’s been good. EXTREMELY HARD–but good too.

I have also continued to pray for all of you who have ever let me know that you continue in this ol' battle too! We all have our areas of temptation. Discipline is hard. Life is mostly work. One day, one moment, one eating decision at a time, eh?

There really is grace for the moment.

Hope you have a lovely Tuesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

After a strong recommendation from Noel Piper in a bookstore mailing from WTS, I ordered a number of books by Helen Roseveare. This week I started Give Me This Mountain and I am thoroughly enjoying it.

I also had to chuckle when I did a quick Google search of her name to learn a little more about her–and I found out that Snopes & TruthOrFiction had to do entries on her because of a story that has circulated around email-land for years re: a dying baby, a hot water bottle, and a doll.

(BTW–Please please oh PLEASE don’t ever forward any emails, well, really to ANYONE EVER–with limited exceptions–but FOR SURE without checking Snopes.com to determine if what you just read is a BIG FAT URBAN LEGEND. Ergh.)

Anyway ... THIS story is TRUE and worth repeating. Hope you enjoy!

G'nite and God bless!

Love,
Tara B.

THE HOT WATER BOTTLE - A True Story By Helen Roseveare, Missionary to Africa

One night, in Central Africa, I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all that we could do, she died leaving us with a tiny, premature baby and a crying, two-year-old daughter.

We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive. We had no incubator. We had no electricity to run an incubator, and no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts.

A student-midwife went for the box we had for such babies and for the cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly, in distress, to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst. Rubber perishes easily in tropical climates. “...and it is our last hot water bottle!” she exclaimed. As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk; so, in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over a burst water bottle. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways. All right," I said, “Put the baby as near the fire as you safely can; sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job is to keep the baby warm.”

The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with many of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle. The baby could so easily die if it got chilled. I also told them about the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died. During the prayer time, one ten-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt consciousness of our African children. “Please, God,” she prayed, “send us a water bottle. It’ll be no good tomorrow, God, the baby’ll be dead; so, please send it this afternoon.” While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added by way of corollary, “ ...And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she’ll know You really love her?” As often with children’s prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, “Amen?” I just did not believe that God could do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything: The Bible says so, but there are limits, aren’t there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses' training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time that I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the veranda, was a large twenty-two pound parcel! I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone; so, I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly. Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box. From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then, there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children began to look a little bored. Next, came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas - - that would make a nice batch of buns for the weekend. As I put my hand in again, I felt the...could it really be? I grasped it, and pulled it out. Yes, “A brand-new rubber, hot water bottle!” I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could. Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, “If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!” Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone: She had never doubted! Looking up at me, she asked, “Can I go over with you, Mummy, and give this dolly to that little girl, so she’ll know that Jesus really loves her?”

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months, packed up by my former Sunday School class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God’s prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. One of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child – five months earlier in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it “That afternoon!” "And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." Isaiah 65:24

(Helen Roseveare a doctor missionary from England to Zaire, Africa, told this as it had happened to her in Africa. She shared it in her testimony on a Wednesday night at Thomas Road Baptist Church.)

We spent hours yesterday weeding, raking, trimming, cleaning the car & truck, scrubbing and vacuuming the back porch and furniture, and cleaning the garage too. It was great! But I think I overdid it a bit and my tired ol' back is yelling at me this morning. Oh well! It’s worth it to have such a nice day working as a family. Sophie said, “We’re taking care of the house God gave us!” You bet.

We also made a video of Sophia’s progress through Suzuki Book 1 to share with our family. (Warning! This will not be interesting to you unless you like Suzuki violin by four year olds.)

Our most fun news this week came from a BBC television show called Animals at Work. They are going to put our “World’s Most Patient Dog” video on their show!



57,000+ viewers and counting. Too fun!

Hope you enjoy a restful Sunday–

Yours,
Tara B.

(& Soph ...)

Well, my week of having some focused time to work on this project is over. I’m officially back into my REAL “job” of wife-Tara and momma-Tara and I just have to say ... I’m so grateful!

Yes, I still have some writing for hire assignments I have to get to. I have events to prepare for and other non-domestic responsibilities that occasionally take me away from home. But most of my waking hours are spent serving Fred, Sophie, our families, our local church, and our local community. And I am so grateful!

This is a season of my life that I can only experience once–and it is a grace and a blessing (and a challenge!) to be a mother of a young child.

May God help me to serve well! (He does. He does.)

Happy Saturday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

My darling Fred just posted a funny video over at the Peacemaker Ministries blog. You can even see his (messy!) office in it ...



I hope you enjoy! And I also hope that you will give serious consideration to attending the Peacemaker Conference next month in Orlando. I’m already scheduling visits during the conference with online and “real life” (and online who’ve become real life) friends.

Hope to see you there!

Yours,
Tara B.

Just in case you ever walk in on me and I’m SUPPOSED to be working ...
And you want a sure-fire TEST to know whether I am ACTUALLY, in fact, working ...

Just see if I’m listening to my “able to concentrate in any environment and block everything out” music:

- Bach’s Well-Tempered Clavier (TOTALLY got me through undergrad, law school, the Bar Exam, my MBA, and writing Peacemaking Women)

- John Field Nocturnes

- Any of the Beethoven Piano Sonatas recorded by Maurizio Pollini

- (And if I’m feeling particularly chipper and hip–like right now ...) Old albums by Grant Geissman

I think my tired ol' brain just needs multiple things to process or else I lose focus.

Hope your Friday is going well!
– Tara B.

For my word-loving friends ...

Do you know about the Visual Thesaurus?

I didn’t until a few minutes ago (although I would have if I had actually clicked through an email that Ken Sande sent me back in 2007).

It’s pretty interesting and although I’m not ready to pay the subscription fee today, I’m definitely going to keep it in mind.

Click through if you’re a word lover–but don’t waste your “free trials” because you only get TWO.

Back to work now–

Yours,
Tara B.

Recently, I’ve been troubled by two memories and this morning I figured out why.

- The first is just ONE LINE from a (wonderful!) sermon I heard recently. It had to do with a woman being confronted by her husband and (over)-responding with despair and (extreme) anxiety. The pastor (whose sermon was otherwise brilliant and gospel-soaked), made some sort of passing comment about her "temper tantrum." This troubled me.

- The second is a blog comment that a man once made in response to a question Pastor JollyBlogger posted on his (wonderful!) blog having to do with why certain women in his church struggle so much with ungodly shame. I had left a blog comment with an excerpt from the chapter in Judy’s and my book that addresses shame and in response, this blog commenter (not Pastor JollyBlogger!) said, "Those women just need a healthy dose of CALVIN!" I remember thinking, “He’s right. But this troubles me.”

This morning I figured out why ... both of these comments were TRUE. But they were not very GRACIOUS.

The truth is that the woman who responded by pulling back, running away, and over-reacting could have been, in fact, having some sort of a “temper tantrum.” And God’s grace and truth were calling her to change; growing her in conformity to Christ–and the pastor did a lovely job of illustrating this. But to simply discount her reaction as ONLY a “temper tantrum” is, I think, to miss something important about HOW we minister the gospel to one another ...

To GRACIOUSLY bring truth to her, we would first have to understand WHY her heart responded this way. Maybe, like many of us, every single time she had ever been confronted in her childhood and early adult years, THE PERSON KICKED HER OUT OR LEFT. Especially when the person confronting you and then ordering you out of your home is a PARENT? Well ... it can take awhile to believe that the person confronting you TODAY isn’t going to treat you the same way.

Likewise, the blog commenter. If we’re struggling with ungodly shame, would a big dose of CALVIN help? You bet!! But to stand up on our pedestal, look down on someone who is terrified and distraught and proclaim, “YOU JUST NEED A BIG DOSE OF CALVIN!”?? Well ... I just don’t recall Jesus ever doing anything like that in the gospels. Instead, He entered into the lives of the people (sinners!) around Him. He got to know them. He compassionately helped to provide for their physical needs (food, safety). And yes–He brought Truth to them. But for we desperate sinners whose eyes are downcast because of the weight of our guilt? He brought Grace. He gave His own very Self.

There is so much more I could write on these topics–encouraged along by an early morning re-reading of Randy Alcorn’s lovely little book, "The Grace and Truth Paradox". But Lilikoi is itching for our walk and I’ve been doing so well this month walking for an hour every morning (and I feel SO much better as a result!) that I really must scoot.

I hope that your Friday is filled with both Grace and Truth!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Don’t forget! It’s not too late to get a free copy of my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation ("CCEF") booklet:

Pleasure (by David Powlison)

All you have to do is leave a comment letting me know you’re interested by midnight Saturday (August 16), and I’ll pop a copy in the mail to you. (Oh! You might want to be sure that I have your snail-mail address too. You can email it to me at info@tarabarthel.com.)

Don’t worry about SPAM or getting on some marketing list ... I would NEVER disclose your contact information to ANYONE without your explicit permission. I’ve just really been helped by this little booklet and I’d like to share it with you! I posted an excerpt earlier in the week if you’d like to check it out. Blessings! – tkb

More wisdom from Ed Welch:

"Self-serving needs are not meant to be satisfied; they are meant to be put to death."

(When People are Big and God is Small)

Well ... nothing like looking through old blog archives to humble a person. (Man! I am SUCH a mess. But God is such a merciful and gracious God!)

And nothing like spending HOURS pouring over the gospel to encourage a person!

Yes, yes ... I had the blessed gift of another day to work on my potential project for toddlers/preschoolers and as I put away all of my books and Bibles at the end of the day, I couldn’t help but reflect again on:

A. How I have absolutely, FOR SURE, never had a unique thought in my life. Anything and everything that I have ever said in any context that was of any worth to the hearer is simply me restating what some wise person has already said (and undoubtedly said with greater pith and clarity); and

B. Susan Hunt is an author that you simply must not miss!

I’ve said it over and over again–but I must commend her books to you again because OH MY STARS! Susan Hunt is a fabulous writer and her grasp of the gospel and its application to real life is incredible. Especially for mothers!

After a day spent re-reading all of her books especially directed at children, I can honestly tell you that the only problem I had with any of them was the fact that I wanted our family to do ALL of them in our family devotions RIGHT NOW. They are just that good:

Big Truths for Little Kids

My ABC Bible Verses

Discovering Jesus in Genesis

Discovering Jesus in Exodus

And for edification and encouragement to press on in the battle? Especially those of us who are gearing up to teach children in our homes, classes, and youth ministries? Heirs of the Covenant is such a blessing!

Consider just one tiny snippet from this rich, gospel-saturated book:

"We like to run in packs. We like to have a buddy. We want to feel accepted by a group. This need has intensified today, and the church is capitalizing on it with a major emphasis on small groups, care groups, affinity groups, support groups, and any other kind of group that can be imagined. These attempts to meet felt needs are too often form without substance. They are based on our sinful need to “make me feel better” rather than on a holy desire to reflect my covenant relationship with the Lord God by loving my brothers and sisters the way our Father loves me.

The church should be zealous to create community among believers, but unless the members of the community understand that the covenant community was established by an act of God’s free grace and that their existence and purpose is about his glory and not their personal happiness, they will lack the substance to sustain the structures they put in place. If the groups are self-determined and self-focused, they will fizzle out when each individual’s needs are not met."

Preach it Mrs. Hunt! And thanks for your ministry for the Lord and His Bride! We are all the blessed recipients of your wisdom and grace.

Time for a little rest now!

G'nite and God bless–

Yours,
Tara B.

Oh oh oh! Please don’t miss this amazing post by Pastor Anyabwile:

Husbandry and Parenting

In it, he ties back to some CJ Mahanney sermons that are definitely going onto my MP3 player.

Pastor Anyabwile also makes a series of humble (and insightful!) reflections on the sermons and I strongly encourage you to read them all (and consider discussing them with your spouse too). Let me tempt you with just a snippet:

"Ephesians 5 was the main text. There C.J. defined a husband’s love for his wife primarily as sacrifice. Sacrifice is the pattern of the husband’s love and the proof of the husband’s love. The sermon also drew on 1 John 3, pointing to the Savior’s sacrifice at Calvary as the model of sacrificial love. From there, C.J. offered this main application question:

"What am I doing each day to serve my wife that involves sacrifice, that costs me something?"

Personally, I was ashamed that for years my wife has nearly daily asked me, “How may I serve you today?” And I know that what she has in mind is helping me in a way that is only appropriate for a wife to help her husband.

In what manner uniquely suited to her calling as my wife, my helpmeet, can she give herself in service to me, the family, and the calling the Lord has placed on our lives? And yet, until I heard this question from C.J., I don’t think there has been one day where I’ve put the same question to her in terms of “sacrifice”? I’ve asked how I could help, etc., but I realized something of the greater depths of my selfishness once sacrifice as a daily inquiry was proposed.

And not to project my guilt and shame onto others, but it’s all the more shameful in my case because I think that I observe selfishness as the primary male sin in marriage. A significant number of irritations, problems, fights, and despairing moments for wives are traced to their husband’s selfishness. I see it all the time in conversations and counseling settings. And I see it more clearly in my own heart following this message.

Three things are suggested for creating an environment conducive for our wives' growth in godliness ..."

Oooooh! Doesn’t that make you want to read more? I hope you will!

I’m ensconced in my friend’s empty home today working on my series of books for preschoolers (and their mothers!) re: relationships/peacemaking. Thanks for any prayers you care to offer up on my behalf as I labor. Honestly? I’m assuming that–like the 500,000 OTHER book proposals submitted by Christian authors every year that are summarily REJECTED–this one won’t actually go anywhere. But it’s been burdening my heart and mind for THREE YEARS NOW–so I figure it’s easier to submit to God, do my best, write the books and the proposal, and then–once it’s rejected–I can have a clear heart and move on to the next thing.

Hope your Wednesday is going well!

Sending my love,
Tara B.

PS
OH! I just have to tell you one more quote from Pastor Anyabwile’s post. It’s just too good to not to share:

"Here C.J. meditates on the “cherishing” and “nourish” aspects of Ephesians 5. A beautiful line: "Our wives should daily live with the sounds of their husband pronouncing encouragements over them."

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm! Preach it, Pastors Mahaney and Anyabwile!

Now I need to listen to the sermon for WIVES because I’m SURE I have much to learn therein.

I have a number of copies of my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation ("CCEF") booklet:

Pleasure (by David Powlison)

... and I’d like to give them away FOR FREE to YOU!

All you have to do is leave a comment letting me know you’re interested by midnight Saturday (August 16), and I’ll pop a copy in the mail to you. (Oh! You might want to be sure that I have your snail-mail address too. You can email it to me at info@tarabarthel.com.)

Let me tempt you with just a snippet from the notes I took as I was reading this rich, encouraging, and convicting booklet:

"Have you ever heard this? “The Christian life is a wonderful union between duty and desire.” True! But too often, we hear this as, “Do what you are supposed to do and by the way enjoy it!" But pure pleasure was created “very good” and pleasure is being recreated by Jesus as “very, very good.”

Remember the distinction between INNOCENT pleasures and GUILTY pleasures:

INNOCENT PLEASURES
- What gives you pure and simple pleasure?
- What truly refreshes you?
- What helps you to lay your cares down and get a fresh perspective on life?
- What enables you to step back into the business and hardship of life with a new joy?

The innocent pleasures come because the greatest pleasure—God himself—is in his rightful place. Innocent pleasures don’t pretend to save you or protect you. They don’t promise you meaning and identity in life.

Innocent pleasures don’t take life’s fragility, pain, frustration, disappointment, and uncertainty and wash them away. They are not the giver of every good and perfect gift; they are just gifts you enjoy.

GUILTY PLEASURES
- Leave a residue; an oily stain
- Contain a quality of obsession, residual guilt or anxiety
- Recreations bring disappointment
- Amusements tend to hijack you—promising to make you feel good, but then failing

Guilty pleasures often arise as a restless escape from troubles; something in life is hard and we want a break. Guilty pleasures promise good things but never deliver them; they leave you with queasy feelings.

There are three broad categories that tempt you towards the guilty pleasures:

1. You are bored, lonely, with nothing to do.
2. You are stressed, frustrated and worn out.
3. You are hurt, betrayed, and treated unfairly. Perhaps you’ve lost someone or something you loved.

These temptations tend to lead us away from innocent pleasures to the stained and guilty ones. We grab for anything that will protect, soothe, comfort, or save us.

The crucial question is ...

And I’ll leave you there!

Don’t you want to read the end?

Our family’s gift to you all (until I run out, that is)! Just be sure to leave a comment by midnight Saturday.

Happy Tuesday!

With love,
Tara B.

It’s late and I’m “so tired I can’t even spell tired” (to quote a very old Baby Blues comic–a comic that Fred and I used to ADORE before we had Sophia Grace and could enjoy the show live).

But I just wanted to do a super-quick post because we just got home from a wedding and reception and I’ve been reminded (again!) of a God’s great grace and I wanted to capture my thoughts before my feeble and fickle heart forgets them in the “tyranny of the urgent”:

1. I don’t deserve Fred. It’s true. I can’t sit through a Christian wedding ceremony without being reminded over and over again what a supernatural GRACE it is that God gave me such a godly and loving husband–rather than the selfish cads I could’ve married in my twenties. GRACE GRACE GRACE. Second only to salvation! The gift of Fred is one of the greatest evidences of grace in my life.

2. The Christian walk is covenantal. It’s corporate. It’s a pilgrimage with other pilgrims who have been adopted into God’s family by His saving grace. And this is a good thing! Even for two introverts like Fred and me–who usually avoid wedding receptions because we’d rather just get HOME to our quiet aloneness as a family. Tonight, because Fred led worship in the ceremony and because the mother-of-the-bride specifically mentioned how much she was looking forward to seeing Sophia dancing at the wedding–we went. We dined and toasted and danced and danced. And it was a good thing to do. Another grace.

3. I do not respect Fred as I ought to. I mentioned this to Fred as he was opening my door for me after the ceremony en route to the reception and he said that I do respect him. But I just can’t hear that Ephesians 5 passage and listen to vows that were so similar to our own and not cringe when I think of the tone of voice I used with Fred only minutes before the ceremony began. OH! I am desperately in need of God’s mercy and grace. Fred said he is too–that he fails every day to love me as Christ loved the Church. But that’s why we need Christ! He succeeds when we fail. He fulfills every jot and tittle of the Law. And He is our Hope and Confidence and Assurance.

4. Weddings–like baptisms–are wonderful, precious reminders. Listening to the Word. Seeing two people so desperately and crazily in love. Hearing the vows. Praying the prayers. Remembering God’s sovereignty and goodness. Refreshing your gratitude to God and your spouse. Weddings are good reminders.

OK. We need to get some shuteye now.

Hope your Monday went well!

Yours happily and gratefully,
Tara B.

PS
Another sweet reminder from tonight? It’s great fun to watch your husband dance with your daughter–and it’s great fun to dance with them too.

In the last two days, Sophia and I have had two conversations wherein she has, out of the blue, said the same thing:

"Mom? I really think we need to pray about this right now. Will you please help me to pray?"

Both times, I should have been thinking the same thing ... but I wasn’t.

I was talking with her, comforting her, teaching her, disciplining her ... but I had not been quick to pray. Her request was a clear reminder to me that I am called to be more prayerful in all of life. (And a sweet encouragement to me, too, that God is at work in her precious little heart!)

"See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18 (ESV)

O, Lord! May I pray without ceasing this day and every day.

How grateful I am that you never stop praying for your children!

"This makes Jesus the guarantor of a better covenant. The former priests were many in number, because they were prevented by death from continuing in office, but he holds his priesthood permanently, because he continues forever. Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them. For it was indeed fitting that we should have such a high priest, holy, innocent, unstained, separated from sinners, and exalted above the heavens." Hebrews 7:22-26 (ESV)

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” Romans 8:26 (ESV)

Gratefully,
Tara B.

We had a super fun morning hiking in the Beartooth Mountains near our home. (I still marvel at the fact that we can spontaneously decide to go hiking and be in such beauty in just one hour!)

On the drive, I reviewed our Bear Aware safety tips.



Fred asked if that was really wise (since even in bear country, actual bear encounters are so rare and I’m so skittery about them already)–but I assured him that it was, at least for me.

Then, after letting a family pass us on the trail because they were all on horseback (how fun is that!), we were off ...



How do you get your Golden some nice, fresh water on a hike? You hand filter it into her collapsible bowl of course!



Daddies and little girls love to explore a mountainside together ...



We know we’re almost back to the car when we reach sleeping man rock ...



But there’s still time for cooling hot feet in the water ...



The ride home showed that a good time was had by all ...



Now, if I can just get back to sleep, I’m looking forward to church in the morning! Hope you are too.

G'nite and God bless!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
There is nothing like a morning like this to help motivate me to continue working on my health goals. Weight loss is great–but the strength and stamina to hike with my family? Well, THAT’S a very positive motivational factor. Grace abounds!! – tkb

Today I was on the receiving end of a great deal of wise counsel.

The first topic had to do with a cross-cultural peacemaking question. I was tremendously blessed to receive winsome, biblical, and wise counsel from a number of friends and I am extremely grateful.

(In one of the telephone calls, I also had a good chuckle with a friend when he ended the call by encouraging me to “not be prescriptive” as I shared my advice, but to dialogue with the person and encourage conversation as we looked at various biblical passages related to the topic. I told him:

"You know, I could be wrong ... but I think it’s been quite a long time since I quickly jumped to a “This is the way you should it!” / "This is what you should do!" / “This is right and that is wrong!” prescriptive type of answer to anyone about anything.

Not that I don’t believe that there is absolute truth–I absolutely do! But I think that in my 20’s (and earlier!), I was often quite foolish in how I responded to people. I was far to declarative and prescriptive – boy! Did I lack humility. I’m sure I still do! But I was even WORSE back then."

We both laughed and marveled at God’s patience with us as He grows us in grace.)

The second bit of wise counsel I received came from my wonderful friend, Sarah Phillips. Sarah owns a phenomenal bookstore called The Family Book Spot. (If you ever need anything related to education and your kids and you can’t find it or you want a great deal, let me know and I’ll put you in touch with her. She’s great!)

Anyway ... Sarah also has a daughter who is just about Sophie’s age and they are very good friends. We often have them at each other’s homes for playdates. In fact, we’re in each other’s lives so much AND we ship so many packages at our local post office that all of our (wonderful!) post office employees know both Sophia and Emma by name and even know which candy they like (Smarties vs. Taffy). Oh, and they know Sarah and me too. (Hi Mr. Dean, Mr. Greg, and Miss Johnna!)



So back to the good counsel that Sarah gave me ...

I was working VERY hard this morning but I still hadn’t gotten to our lessons for the day, and Sarah called me up with a cheerful, “I have the kids loaded in the minivan and we’re going for a pizza. Let me pick up Sophie and we’ll have a fun play day together!” I told her that sounded great, but we still hadn’t gotten to our lessons yet. And here was her (brilliant!) counsel:

"Tara, she’s four years old. And it’s summer! Let her come play. Take a day off!"

And I thought, “She’s right!” So that’s exactly what I did. I loaded Sophia into a happy minivan and off they went for a fun day.

And then, after my UPS guy delivered your DVDs this afternoon, I worked and worked and worked ...

I made boxes, I scoured our entire house for any sort of packing material that might keep your DVDs safe and sound ...



And then made multiple trips to the post office to ship every single order out within four hours of getting the DVDs in hand:



Most of the orders went via Media Mail, so they may take a little time to arrive. But if you paid for extra fast shipping via Priority Mail, you should have them within 2-3 days.

Oh, PLEASE let me know if I made a mistake with your order! I tried SO hard to keep the details straight ... but if I miscounted the number of guides for your group or didn’t use enough cushioning wrap (so they are damaged), please just let me know and I promise to do everything I can do fix the problem ASAP.

I loved serving you–but I’m BEAT and heading to bed.

Hope you enjoy a restful weekend!

Yours,
Tara B.

This could not have come at a better time (as I am supposed to work on my children’s material next week!):

Hermeneutics and Children’s Curriculum (by Professor John Walton)

Thanks for the link, Pastor Jollyblogger!

Oh! I really didn’t plan to be the linking blog girl–but these are just TOO GOOD to not pass along:

- We Watch TBN So You Don’t Have To! (HT: Church Matters. I’m still laughing at the line, “Those, gentle reader, are the two least sexy sentences ever uttered.”)

- William Tyndale–A Life Transformed by God’s Word (HT: RadicalWomanhood and John Piper)

OK. Now we’re leaving for our walk. I mean it.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm ... that Tim Challies knows what he is doing!! His current “King for a Day/Month/Whatever it ends up being” blog (Take Your Vitamin Z) is definitely going on my “check it out” list. I’ve already clicked through to like five articles–and that hardly EVER happens when I read a new blog.

But wouldn’t you want to read these too?

- Reasons People Choose a Church (look at the high incidence of RELATIONSHIPS–can we all say PEACEMAKING/LIVING THE GOSPEL? Ranked 1, 2 & 4!)

- You Have Your Clique–But Do You Have the Gospel?

"Many of us are extremely biblical and God-centered in our creeds, but regrettably exude a rank man-centered, self-pleasing, earth-clinging practice with our relationships."

- Indicatives and Imperatives–Get This Down (Don’t miss this! Gospel, gospel, gospel! “The grammar of the gospel,” says Sinclair Ferguson)

- (And for my blogging pals ...) Blog Ethics (by Tim Keller and David Powlison) and Lessons from a Blog Break

Whew! What a lovely gift to wake up to this morning. And I didn’t even link to all of the posts on adoption (a topic near and dear to my heart!).

Off to walk Lili and tackle abs now. (Yes, I’ve dropped the MATH part of my “math and abs.” I’m only so strong, I guess. Actually, I’m excited for the coming year and feeling OK about walking through Math-U-See with the Sophster now.)

Happy Thursday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Early yesterday afternoon, I was quietly reflecting to myself just how godly, easy to relate with, loving, funny, and trusting of the Lord a certain woman in my life is. She also happens to be stunningly beautiful with a wonderful husband and four precious children.

So THEN I was thinking about how easy it would be for an outsider to look at her faith and her happiness and think, “Sure! If I were beautiful, happily married, with healthy children and a lovely home, I’d be a really happy person who loves and trusts God too. No problem.”

But outside appearances don’t show the REALNESS of her true happiness (BLESSED-ness). And her faith in God is surely not in response to an easy life. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Yes, she truly does radiate a confident assurance in the goodness and sovereignty of God–but it has come through the fires of suffering:

- Abandoned by an unbelieving spouse when she had a toddler;

- Remarried years later, the young couple was betrayed by Christians and experienced incredible financial setbacks as a result (and they did not retaliate legally even though they may have “prevailed” in the courts);

- Multiple miscarriages culminating with a happy and healthy pregnancy, only to have her child die in her arms only a few hours after being born.

I could actually go on, but I won’t.

It just all reminded me of today’s Slice of Infinity by Jill Carattini:

Draw Me Near

I hope that you will read the entire essay! And I’ll close with just a snippet to hopefully sufficiently tempt you:

"In The Problem with Pain, C.S. Lewis refers to pain as God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world. Convincingly, he explains what we know to be true of suffering, pain, and evil, what we know of the meaning offered in Christ’s suffering and the strength we are given to bear it when the peripheral questions of life are answered by a good God. Years later, in the pages of A Grief Observed, Lewis describes watching his wife lose her battle with cancer and wrestling with God through the pain. He is then writing as a man who bitterly, tortuously, and intimately knows what he knows to be true of God and evil, suffering and Christ though his soul is breaking.

Writes Lewis, “Your bid for God or no God, for a good God or the Cosmic Sadist, for eternal life or nonentity, will not be serious if nothing much is staked on it. And you will never discover how serious it was until the stakes are raised horribly high.” He continues, “Nothing will shake a man–or at any rate a man like me–out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself.”

I believe the first time I really and fearfully looked my faith in the eyes was while I was pounding my fists against the chest of God, half demanding, half pleading, to know why my father was dying. Those indelible days gave new meaning to Paul’s admonition, “Work out your salvation in fear and trembling.” In our prayers we cry, and in our hymns we sing, “Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord, To the cross where Thou hast died. Draw me nearer, nearer, To Thy precious, bleeding side” but when the stakes are at their highest, do we really mean it? Have we counted that cost?"

May we trust God today, friends! No matter what.

Blessed Wednesday to you–

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... the study guides are here! But I’m still waiting on the DVDs. So all day Monday I worked SUPER HARD to box up the 300+ study guides that some of you ordered for your groups and (after multiple trips to the post office–you can only fit so many at a time into our tiny car!) you should be receiving them very soon.



I promise to send the rest of the orders out just as soon as I get the DVDs. Oh–and if you haven’t yet ordered, there’s still a small window of time left! I accidentally ordered ten extra DVD sets (oops! bad math!), so it would actually be a blessing to our family’s monthly budget shortfall if some of you snatched them up. (No pressure, of course. )

Other things that are taking our time these days?

I walked in on Sophia cranking through her tangrams:



And having fun with clay:



(All cuteness due to Fred & Sophia–I couldn’t make something this crafty even if you bribed me!)

And ... my SECOND inaugural trip with the food processor! My friend brought over some (yummy) cucumbers from her garden and encouraged me to make a “super easy” (famous last words) salad with cukes, onion, and balsamic vinegar. And (miraculously!) I did!



I can’t tell you how much that made me feel even a tiny bit like a REAL GROWN UP.

Hope your week is off to a great start too!

Sending my love,
Tara B.

I encourage you to click on over to Taylor Lynde’s ebay store and check out his current listings. Oh, there are some incredible fine art steals!!



Plus, in today’s post, he quotes what (by familial rumor) used to be my favorite song as a small child ...



("Make 'em be doctors and lawyers and such ...")

Oh, Carolyn McCulley! You are such a great blogger and you totally crack me up. (Lilikoi and I will be listening for your “You never know when you are going to wake up and find yourself dead!” quote on our morning walk with Pilgrim radio!)

I just had to link over to your post on why our husbands don’t talk to us:

Speaking His Language

(Who me? Over-react when speaking with Fred? Ouch!)

Thanks for serving us, Carolyn, and for encouraging us in Radical Womanhood!

Happy Monday everyone–

Yours,
Tara B.

This past spring, a woman at one of my events made a lovely little dress for Sophia:



She gave it to our family as a gift, but I think that she also makes them to sell in order to raise funds to adopt a child.

If you know her (of if you ARE her! ), would you please drop me an email and let me know if I could possibly purchase a couple more for Sophie? It is her favorite and I love it too, so if I could get her another one, that’d be great.

Thanks, friends!

Yours,
Tara B.

By God’s grace, I’ve been doing well this week re: exercise and healthful eating. But this morning one of my first thoughts was, “I should bake cookies today!” When I told Fred, he said that he was thinking the same thing. We’ve both been more diligent and disciplined, and boy! It’s just so easy to want to “reward ourselves” on the weekend.

We’ve been in the battle all day, though. Not giving in to our desires (and habitual patterns!). Taking a long family walk instead. Enjoying fresh raspberries and other (non-caloric) “treats.”

It’s hard, though, isn’t it? To be diligent on a Saturday? It’s not our pattern and it’s taking some concerted effort to persevere.

But it really is a blessing to even try! And it helps me in other areas too ... like, for instance, my tackling of a big ol' project that’s been staring me down for months now. (I took the Young Peacemaker material and divided it into 34 little “mini-lessons” so that we could keep the peacemaking principles before the children in our church’s co-op a little bit every single week, rather than having 6 or 12 or however many “big” lessons on peacemaking.)

I’ve also been blessed to add in some vitamins and nutrients to my diet (including those “good fats”/omega-3 oils). If I don’t get my triglycerides down by diet and exercise, my doctor is threatening to put me on medications! (Granted, Sophie is my ONLY blood relative that I know of who isn’t already on high triglyceride, high cholesterol, high blood pressure medicines. Still! I’ve never had that problem before.)

So ... one day at a time, right? And for me? It’s often one eating decision at a time. Grace for the moment, grace for the day.

Hope your Saturday has been a good one too! I’m looking very forward to being in church tomorrow.

Ah, the Sabbath! The privilege of corporate worship and the gift of rest. We love Sunday!

G'nite and God bless,
Tara B.

I ended up with four kids today so after our zoo morning, we made an impromptu trip out to our friends' ranch for some outdoor fun.

Hope you enjoy the pics!

G'nite,
Tara B.

Hanke the Cowdog has a baby brother!



So much to explore ...



We love horses!

Don’t miss this sermon by Pastor Dave Harvey!

God’s Mercy and My Marriage

I listened to it this morning walking Lili and couldn’t wait to get home to save the link (so I could go through it again and be able to take notes) and share it with you, Fred, and Pastor Jason.

I can’t remember 1/100th of the sermon just from my walk (I really have to write everything down/process it before I remember anything!) ... but these were some of the particular keeper/take-a-ways:

- Marriage is ministry.
- If you only overlook in marriage, you are condemning your spouse to immaturity.
- We are called to crucify our “inner attorney” (ouch!).

Hooray for Friday!
And hooray for preachers who humbly and faithfully exegete Scripture for our benefit!

Off to the zoo–
Tara B.

Just wanted to let you all know that Fred told me late last night that Peacemakers has made their decision and the copyright allowing you to print or xerox unlimited copies of the 104-page study guide for my DVD video series is for sure going away. In the future, you will have to buy the guides from Peacemakers and Fred is estimating that the cost will be around $8 or $9/ea.

Of course, if you already own the original version or if you buy a copy before my remaining stock is exhausted, you’re set for life. The unlimited copyright of the original version will hold even after the Peacemakers version is released.

Just wanting to keep you informed on the transition to the new version. When I learn something, you learn something.

Happy Friday!

Love,
Tara B.