considerable grace

Do you remember my rave about Carolyn McCulley’s new book?

Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World

Well ... I was surprised and blessed to receive an author’s copy from her publisher today. And since I’ve already purchased my own copy (and devoured it), I thought I would offer it to you guys!

Just leave a comment between now and midnight (Mtn. time) Friday, November 7 and make sure that I have some way of contacting you. We’ll generate a random number, pick a winner, and send this great book on its way to a happy new owner.

(And thanks again, Carolyn, for your ministry!)

Happy Commenting!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Fred wanted me to ask you to leave some interesting note in your comment like “one thing you like most about being a woman”. But I responded that what would my legions of male readers do? (All three of them. Including Fred.) He said, “They could say one thing that THEY like about women.” But I thought that could get a little personal, so please feel free to just leave a hello.

This past week has not been a good one for me re: sleep and tonight is continuing the pattern.

I think some of it is just me–my body has seasons where I just don’t sleep well. It’s annoying and exhausting, but what can you do?

(Yesterday I got up at 1AM and tackled a ten hour paid writing project that was due. It’s quite efficient to submit a paystub for ten hours by 11AM, but I don’t recommend it–especially when you still have to then live your entire day. It makes me wonder, though, why I’m not sleeping now. Do you think I’ve gone past the point of being able to sleep because I’m TOO tired?? Hmmmm ... I actually think that another factor is ...)

In addition to physical elements, tonight’s sleeplessness had an additional element of conviction to it because right before we went to sleep, Fred asked me a pointed question that I answered, but then felt sure that actually there was more to my answer that needed to be said. But it was late and he was exhausted–so I tried to lie very still so he could fall asleep and then I got up and hours later, here I sit.

I’m grateful for prayer. I’m grateful for journaling. I’m reading CCEF articles and Scripture and striving to lay hold of “a moment of sanity” (as Pastor Jason says) re: the thoughts and feelings crashing around inside of me.

But wow–life is complicated, isn’t it? Our physical bodies, external influences, relationships, temptations, unbelief, and (oh, yeah!) growth in grace and godliness. We are truly a mixed bag.

I think I’m going to try to lie down again now and see if I can sleep. I hope that you are all resting away (except for you, Anne, because it’s only dinnertime in Hawaii, right?)

Blessings–
Tara B.

I’ve posted the great cartoons by Pastor Joe McKeever before, and this one was just too good to pass up. (I laugh every time I even think about it.)

In our Bible reading last night, Sophie and I read about the “sinful woman” who washed Jesus' feet with her tears and hair and anointed his feet with expensive perfume.

Initially, Sophie didn’t understand WHY the “very important people” were SO ANGRY when Jesus allowed her to do this and when he pronounced her forgiveness. But then we talked about how the “good people” thought they were close to God because they kept the rules and looked so “together” on the outside and THEY didn’t think THEY needed a Rescuer; but that it was actually the “sinful woman” who close to God because she knew she was a sinner and she knew she needed a Rescuer and she was running to JESUS (not her good works).

Sophie said:

"The “very important people” have it all BACKWARDS!"

“They sure do!” I told her.

And then I thought about how easy it is to fall into this “do good things / be a good person / look good on the outside” TRAP. We’re seeing this constantly as we continue to study Galatians at our church (in Pastor Alfred’s sermon series, Sunday School class, and in our small groups).

For example, in our study this week (on Galatians 3:15-25), we read from Luther’s commentary:

"If we doubt or do not believe that God is gracious and pleased with us, or if we presumptuously expect to please Him through our works, then all [our compliance with the law] is pure deception, outwardly honoring God, but inwardly setting up self as a false [savior] ...

Note for yourself, then, how far apart these two are: keeping the First Commandment with outward works only, and keeping it with inward [justifying faith]. For the last makes true, living children of God, the other only makes worse idolatry and the most mischievous hypocrites on earth ..."

Eek! How often am I one of the, “most mischievous hypocrites on earth”??! How often do I forget that, “Mere moral effort without the gospel may restrain the heart but cannot truly change the heart.” (Keller on Luther’s Commentary to Galatians) Only the gospel changes the heart.

I am praying that this day and every day, I would obey God’s law from the place of being forgiven, justified, loved, accepted, adopted by God because of Christ (and NOT trust in my–flawed and incompetent–efforts to “be good” for God’s love.

"From not for!" That’s what my Pastor Jason Barrie is always reminding us. We obey from the place of God’s love and acceptance, not for His love and acceptance.

(Thanks for always pointing us to the gospel, Pastor Jason! And Pastor Keller! And Luther and Paul too, eh? )

Hope you enjoy a blessed Thursday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Did I ever mention how much I really want Sophie to get to experience the fun of a Christmas Nativity Play?

I think that my desire has its roots way back in my childhood reading of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.



And it’s been egged on by the fact that every Christmas since she could talk, we’ve recorded Sophia “telling the Christmas story”, using the figurines from our creche, etc. etc. (Classic movies! SO fun. I especially like the year she was all discombobulated because our creche didn’t have a King Herod. Soph is a kid who likes things in their place. She gets excited over an organized pajama drawer. Hmmmm ... wonder where she gets THAT from? But I digress ...)

Since I’ve been in my current church for nine years and as far as I know, they’ve never done a Nativity Play; and since I see no indication of one coming on the horizon; and further since Soph is at SUCH a great age for such an adventure, I did what I so often do ...

I jumped in with both feet; got permission to do a little play; wrote a script; had my husband and pastor do a heresy-check for me; assigned some parts and (drum roll please!) now I’m running a Nativity Play on December 2.

Fun stuff! How I pray that the Lord will be glorified and the kids will have a good time. (I’m 99.9% sure the grownups will. Angels & shepherds & kings, et al? The chaos theory in motion? Glitter & robes & stage cues for three year-olds dressed as sheep? This is just GOOD LIVIN' as far as I’m concerned.)

I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes and hopefully I’ll have some fun photos to post too.

For now, I’ll sign off with a VERY late-night pic of our little (future) angel ...



I’m psyched. Now I just need to locate a sparkly halo ...

Sending you my love,
Tara B.

Just a little FYI to let you know that I deleted my friend’s sermon summary. I thought that it might attract some critical comments and emails from anonymous internet strangers–and it did.

Simply said–for reasons that I am not going to go into right now, I just do not have the strength to even scan and delete such presumptively uncharitable communications from people who don’t even know me. So I deleted it.

On a positive note, I was able to tackle, oh, say, a zillion loads of laundry today and Sophie and I just enjoyed one of those wonderful, crisp Autumn air coming in through the widow, clean sheet day, cuddle-bug naps. And this morning? Her first words to me as she came down the stairs were:

"I just love the sounds of morning! The airplanes taking off and landing ..." [Editorial note: I don’t think I can even hear planes taking off and landing when I’m in our home!] “ ... the cars coming and going. Isn’t it just great, Mom?”

"We are so blessed!" I said in response.

What a sweet child. Daily, I am keenly aware of what a blessed woman I am.

Hope your Wednesday is more like the sweet parts of my day than the challenging ones.

Yours,
Tara B.

In our church, children stay for the entire service. At 90 minutes (and sometimes longer), it can be a real stretch for the young ones to learn to sit quietly.

When Sophie was 2 or 3, one of our elders recommended that we move from the back of the church (where most of the families with young children sit) to the front row (where, well, very few people sit–we are Presbyterians after all).

ANYWAY–he said that being up-front helps the children to get to know the elders, hear the prayer requests and praises better, really participate in worship, and (as they grow) better attend to the Bible readings, sermons, and the distribution of the Lord’s Supper (with confession and the assurance of forgiveness).

So we moved to the front row and for the most part, it’s been great. A few embarrassing walks through the entire service to discipline or run to the bathroom in an emergency–but mostly, it’s helped our family’s participation in the service a lot. (Not just Sophie–me too! There are no tempting Fear of Man distractions when you don’t see anyone else in the church.)

So if you’re working on having your children actively participate in your church service and learn to not be a distraction, Elder Mattson recommends the front row! And so do I.

OK. Now I really must run into my Tuesday.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

PS
This past Sunday, an artist in the church asked if she could snap our photo because she might want to sketch or paint Sophie. Fun stuff! So apparently this is the view that my church family has of the Barthel girls on Sunday morning ...

I just found out that The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF) is releasing new material on addictions and I’m SO excited!

Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away From Addictions (Study Guide and Facilitator’s Guide)
Every one of us is a potential addict. Eventually, every addict finds himself at a crossroads.

This is such an important topic for every church and every Christian! In the words of New Growth Press (who published the books), “To walk with an addict is both a gift and a grief ... these curriculum materials lay a Biblical framework for lasting change.”

I am so grateful to CCEF and Ed Welch for creating these resources!

I’ll put the description from their website below with the hope that you will order these resources and be sure to tell your church leaders about them too.

(PLEASE NOTE that these links actually go to some sort of pre-conference sale page and you might need to check back for the actual “non-conference-attendeee” release of the materials. But give yourself a task on your tasklist to do so! It’ll be worth it.)

Blessings on your Tuesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

"Every one of us is a potential addict. Eventually, every addict finds himself at a crossroads.

In a pressure-filled world, the prospect of instant escape can be exhilarating. No matter the object—drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, or sex, just to name a few—addictions lure us. They extend the promise of pleasure. In the end, they deliver emptiness, death, and destruction. What began as an escape from the hassles of life becomes a form of bondage. Addiction is a voluntary slavery. Change doesn’t come easily. But change is possible!

No matter how many times you have tried and failed, there really is a way through the addictive fog. There is a guidebook for living, and, contrary to what many think, it is available to anyone, even to those enslaved by an addiction. God is not silent on this issue. His word offers hope, and that hope is the basis of Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction.

Crossroads was designed as a group study for those struggling with addiction. These ten steps, presented in author Ed Welch’s trademark direct, no-nonsense style, provide a biblical and practical framework for change. Welch is a wise and loving partner who walks beside readers on their journey to freedom. Along the way, they will learn to recognize the patterns of addiction, to choose wisdom over foolish desires, and to cling to the hope they have in Jesus, who sets captives free. The path away from addiction has been laid by a God who is full of surprises, who faithfully pursues them even as they have deliberately avoided Him."

I just added my own story to the 2,100+ comments at BringTheRain’s October 15 (National Day of Rememberance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss) post.

2,100+ comments and I’m sure that number will only grow.

This is a portion of what I wrote in my comment:

"And thanks so much for your ministry. 2,100+ comments to this one post alone?! Surely the suffering of mothers who have lost their children is a clear mark of just how much this fallen life is “not the way it’s supposed to be”; and also an indication of how good the eternal hello of our true home in Heaven will be. One Good Day."

You know, I had absolutely no idea that I’d be sitting here crying over this loss. (Again.) I just planned to work work work while Soph enjoyed a playdate.

But the human heart? It’s a complex thing, eh?

And I guess this one sadness in my life is probably more raw and deep than I usually realize. (And, apparently, I’m not alone.)

How grateful I am that God understands my heart even better than I do and that He is such a compassionate God.

Back to work now–

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
THIS is the post that I MEANT to read on this site when I clicked through from RadicalWomanhood. It has 500+ comments of the “funniest kid moments EVER” and yes, if you’re crying with grief and would like to run the entire gamut of emotions all the way to tears of hysterical laughter ... READ THIS. Even if you don’t click through to the comments, read the author’s story. It really IS extremely funny. And insightful. (Isn’t insight what makes real humor so funny?)

Wow! We are being tremendously blessed as a church family by the rigorous studying of Galatians. Pastor Alfred’s sermons are challenging and encouraging, and we’re studying the material in even greater depth in his Sunday school class and our small groups.

Taking the time to really study Scripture like this shows just how shallow my typical Scripture reading is. Usually? I do just that ... read. I don’t take the time to observe, interpret, and apply. And I certainly don’t wrestle in prayer and with study aids over difficult passages like Galatians 3:19-20.

(Pastor Alfred made us all laugh during Sunday school when we tried to urge him to preach through those two verses–and he said he could do it. But it would take over three hours and he didn’t think most people would appreciate a three hours sermon. I leaned over to Trudy and said, “I’d come back for a three hour lecture.” But he could not be persuaded. At least not today.)

I did want to end my day reflecting on Galatians 3:23-27 and thought you might enjoy the encouragement too:

"Now before faith came, we were held captive under the law, imprisoned until the coming faith would be revealed. So then, the law was our guardian until Christ came, in order that we might be justified by faith. But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian, for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ."

Pastor Alfred reminders about this passage?

1. The law condemns us. The law says “cursed!” "condemned!" “damnable!” and “dead!”

2. The law causes us to abandon all hope that we can save ourselves.

3. The law shows us our sin and our need for Jesus Christ.

4. The promise says “come!” "He is able!" (and most amazingly) “He is willing!”

Thank You, Lord, for granting me even the grace to feel my need of You.

Thank You, God, for establishing Your covenant and then upholding Your covenant. If my relationship with You were dependent on my performance, I would be lost.

Thank You, God, that nothing can snatch me from your loving grip.

With that assurance, I go to sleep.

Gratefully,
Tara B.

... and watch this video.

Together for the gospel.
Together for adoption.
Amen!

(And thanks, TakeYourVitaminZ for the great link.)

We loved how Sophie made a little mistake and jumped right back in ...

Take Your Vitamin Z just posted a couple of brief videos by John Piper that I think you might enjoy:

John Piper on Blogging

Finally! Peacemakers posted a video of the end of Dr. Kuzmic’s keynote address. I’ve been waiting!

Please take four minutes and watch this video. It is a remarkable illustration of the gospel–the Jesus did not kill the enemy, but the enmity between the enemy and Him.




Praise God! Praise God!

(And thanks, Route 5:9 blogging team for the video!)

Gratefully,
Tara B.

We had a super-fun Friday (and hope you did too)!

Our friend Emma came for a playdate ...



(Don’t you just love PrismaColor Colored Pencils for those very special art projects?)

And then ended up at the pumpkin patch in matchy-princess-Snow-White outfits ...



(BTW–having now accompanied TWO sets of Snow White DUOS, I have to tell you that I think that doing so is the PERFECT antidote to monthly mental wackiness and depression. Remember our pics from DisneyWorld with Auntie Kali Snow White?)



Our day ended with Sophie’s very first Suzuki Book 1 / get to play with the big kids violin recital. In costume of course ...





Hope you enjoy a blessed weekend–

Yours,
Tara B.

Another must-read over at Carolyn McCulley’s fantastic blog:

Jesus, Devotions, and the Local Church

I knew the day would come when Sophie would do the math and figure out that she has WAY “too many” grandparents on my side of the family.

"Is Grandpa Charlie like your father-in-law, Momma?"

“No, no ... he’s not my father-in-law. He’s my stepfather.”

“Huh?”

And when all gentle tries at dodging the issue failed, we were off to the races to explain divorce.

I dreaded even introducing the concept to her–but I knew it would come up one day. Not just because of my family, but there are divorced characters in her books ("LuLu Grenadine" for one); she has friends who are the children of single parents ("Where is his daddy?"); etc. etc.

So I explained that my mother (Grandma Kathy) and my father (Grandpa Joe) used to be married to each other. But they had a lot of struggles in their marriage and they didn’t have the resources and help to work through their struggles. And one day, they stopped being married to each other.

The concept was shocking to Sophie, as it ought to have been. She just couldn’t fathom how people could STOP being married–and I’m glad that she couldn’t.

But then she had to learn of this horribly sad mark of the Fall–divorce. And I could tell that she was already making the mental leaps in her heart to that awful question that I assume every child asks at one time or another:

"Does that mean that YOU AND DADDY could one day just stop being married to each other? (!!)"

I told her that Daddy and I would NEVER stop being married to each other because we are Christians and when we became husband and wife it was until death parts us. We took vows before God and our loved ones. And even though we will have some hard times in our marriage, we will always stay together. Always.

And then Sophie and I listed out the resources and help that Fred and I have that my parents didn’t have when their marriage went through hard times:

- The Holy Spirit (Who lives in our hearts)
- The Church
- Our pastors and elders
- The Bible
- The sacraments (our baptism and the Lord’s supper)
- Hearing sermons every Sunday from Pastor Alfred
- Small group Bible study and our friends
- Momma’s friend/prayer group and Daddy’s men’s prayer breakfast
- Sophie! (She said, “I help you to be a peacemaker!”)

(and we could go on and on ...)

That conversation was weeks ago, but every once in awhile the topic comes up again. Like this morning when we were cuddling and out of the blue she said:

"You and daddy are NEVER going to do that thing that Grandpa Joe and Grandma Kathy did? Never?"

“Never,” I assured her. “The Bible says that when daddy and I got married, we became one flesh. I could no more remove daddy from my life than I could remove my own skin. You’re stuck with us, Soph, FOR LIFE.”

(and she smiled away ...)

You know, I’ve read books about how important it is that children are secure in their parents' love and fidelity to one another. I’ve known in some sort of cerebral way that it’s a “foundational issue” and “so fundamental” to a child’s security, etc. etc. But it’s really something else to actually live it with my own child. Especially given the fact that this calendar year hasn’t been the most “easy” and “intimate” and “connected” for Fred and me.

But grace remains and yes, of this I am sure ... what God has brought together, no man will separate. This I pray and this I believe, by faith, by grace, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
I hope that anyone reading this post knows my heart and knows that I surely don’t mean to imply that there isn’t the fullness of grace and forgiveness for people who have been through divorce. And I think single parents have the hardest job in the WORLD! And I am always striving to support the single parents in my life (and rally churches to do MORE for single parents because we surely don’t do enough).

Plus, I am trusting that anyone who has read this blog for any length of time KNOWS that I struggle with sin BIG TIME and I am keenly aware that left to my OWN devices? Of course I could imagine a scenario where I would divorce my husband or drive him away. But I am banking on God’s present means of grace to keep my marriage intact. His strength. His resources. For His glory. That’s my hope and confidence.

Just wanted to try to be clear. This is such an important and sensitive topic! I keep thinking that maybe I should just delete this post. Hmmmmmm .... maybe so. But I’ll leave it up for now. Sending you my love–tkb

Sophie has a “dress up in costume” violin recital at a nursing home this afternoon–at 4PM. So of course she’s been in her puppy costume since, oh, 8AM.

I’ve had a mini-run of people asking me for advice on how to “get into” the field of Christian conciliation. Since I thought the topic might be of interest to the 1,000 or so of you who regularly read this blog every week, here are my recommendations:

1. Live the gospel / breathe grace / be a peacemaker in your own relationships. You can’t help someone else if you are not first internalizing these truths and (imperfectly of course!) faithfully striving to obey all that God requires re: loving your neighbor.

2. Serve within your local church. Even if you’re just at the initial stage of “Oh wow! I read The Peacemaker and I’m really excited about this peacemaking thing!” Great. So look around and ask yourself how you might (gently!) introduce the concepts into whatever sphere of influence you already have within your church. Do you work with kids? Maybe ask the person in charge if you can share The Young Peacemaker principles with the other teachers or post the YP posters in the C.E. hallway. Are you passionate about missions? Check out The Team Peacemaker and International Peacemaking materials. Ask to teach the basic peacemaking principles; the next time someone complains to you about their inlaws, grab a Slippery Slope card or flip over a sheet of paper and draw three trees.

If you are living as a peacemaker and gently promoting peacemaking in your church–before you know it, you will have more and more opportunities to serve. That’s when you’ll want to be sure you’re getting more training (next point) and consider the timing of asking your leaders if you can establish a Peacemaking Team in your church.

3. Do all of the training you can from Peacemaker Ministries and The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation. Biblical. Cross-centered. Practical. Eat it up! No matter what happens in life, you will be better equipped to minister and serve. And if you do end up as a Christian conciliator? It’ll be the bread and butter of how you bring truth and grace to bear in the lives of people in conflict.

So ... do you need a bachelor’s degree in organizational communication and conflict resolution / a second Master’s degree in the dynamics of conflicted individuals and their entities / a law degree? Ummmmm ... no. Might be helpful, sure! But it’s not like you’ll finish your degree, hang out a shingle that says, “Christian conciliator” and be ready to serve. Plus, as I am quite confident every single Certified Christian Conciliator with the Institute for Christian Conciliation, a division of Peacemaker Ministries would tell you ... it’s not like you can easily make a living off of peacemaking (i.e., don’t give up your day job).

But are we called to be peacemakers? Yes! All of us. Every single Christian.

"Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9

Amen!

And hope this post helps you if you’re trying to figure out whether or how you should pursue the ministry of Christian conciliation.

Blessings to you!

In Christ our Joy,
Tara B.

PS
When I was poking around to find your links this morning, I found a much more articulate article on this topic written by the (wise & winsome) Chip Zimmer. You may want to check out: Answering The Call to Peacemaking

Well. Tonight I did what I had always assumed one day I would do ...

I got so frustrated with Sophia that I was tempted to discipline her anger and instead, I asked her to leave the room.

It was only God’s grace that constrained and restrained me. Left to my own devices, I would have raised my voice. I would not have disciplined her, I would have just been mean to her.

I asked her to leave the room so that I could take a minute and pray. Read the Bible. And prepare my heart because surely in my frustration, I was not in the right frame of mind to love or lead her well.

This is what I read and prayed:

Israel the Lord’s Chosen

“But now hear, O Jacob my servant,
Israel whom I have chosen!
Thus says the Lord who made you,
who formed you from the womb and will help you:
Fear not, O Jacob my servant,
Jeshurun whom I have chosen.
For I will pour water on the thirsty land,
and streams on the dry ground;

I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring,
and my blessing on your descendants.
They shall spring up among the grass
like willows by flowing streams.

This one will say, ‘I am the Lord’s,’
another will call on the name of Jacob,
and another will write on his hand, ‘The Lord’s,’
and name himself by the name of Israel.”

Besides Me There Is No God
Thus says the Lord, the King of Israel
and his Redeemer, the Lord of hosts:
“I am the first and I am the last;
besides me there is no god.
Who is like me? Let him proclaim it.
Let him declare and set it before me,
since I appointed an ancient people.
Let them declare what is to come, and what will happen.

Fear not, nor be afraid;
have I not told you from of old and declared it?
And you are my witnesses!
Is there a God besides me?
There is no Rock; I know not any.” Isaiah 44:1-8

And then I went and met with my daughter.

Grace abounds to a big momma sinner and her little daughter sinner too.
Amen & amen.

G'nite,
Tara B.

THANKS for all of the great ideas, ladies! I’ve already ordered some of the books you’ve mentioned.

Here is what I wrote in my email response, just in case you were curious:

1. Go through The Peacemaker and/or The Peacemaker Group Study—it is foundational for both marriage AND parenting. And life-changing. And helpful! And gospel-proclaiming.

2. Go through The Young Peacemaker. Sure, it’s for kids—but you can’t lead them where you don’t first go yourself. I’ve had many adults tell me that they’re own personal study of it was profound for THEM and then they introduced it to their kids.

3. I’ve been a huge fan of “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” since even before I was married! If you haven’t gone through it yet, please do! It is foundational for parenting. Every day, our home is helped by the principles we learned in that book.

4. I like “When Sinners Say I Do” (Harvey) for a book specific to marriage.

5. Bryan Chapell’s “Each for the Other” has been a blessing to many.

Thanks again for serving our sister in Christ! I love learning with you all.

Oh–and thanks for the sweet/encouraging personal notes too. PLEASE know that we’re really doing OK around here! It’s SO nice to not be sick and we’re just having a nice, quiet, domestic kind of week.

Last week, Lili acquired a BAD ear infection (did I tell you that?)–so I was VERY happy this morning when the vet said that she’s A-OK. What a sweet little furry muffin.

Fred’s getting back into a workout routine, so that’s great. But I haven’t quite gotten back into any sort of exercise routine. Earlier this week, Fred was downstairs on the elliptical trainer while I was upstairs eating a brownie. Nice. It’s really no wonder why my pants are snug. Again.

Any day now. That’s what I’m telling myself. Any day now–back to water & walks & healthful living. Or at least a STEP in that good/healthful/disciplined direction. Any day now. Hmmmmm ....

Hope you have a great Thursday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Have you been to Glacier National Park lately?

Wish you could have a “souvenir” beyond the made-in-China BLECH in every tourist spot?

Check out Taylor Lynde’s ORIGINAL fine art:



Rock hopping the Outlet, Upper Kintla by Taylor Lynde

Thousands of dollars in galleries–
pennies on the dollar through the wonder of ebay.

Thanks, Taylor, for reminding us of the glory of God!

Your sis,
Tara B.

Still mulling a bit on this topic of harsh criticism/feedback ...

It hit me last night that (maybe?) some people use particularly strong (harsh) words in their feedback of others because they think that their hearers can “TAKE IT.”

Maybe the person comes across as “strong” and/or “together.” Maybe she’s a size 00 shirt-tucker and her eleven children always are in clean, pressed, matching clothes with happy/cheerful/obedient dispositions. Maybe he has all of the position, power, prestige, and wealth.

And so it can be tempting to “let 'em have it” because OBVIOUSLY, they’re strong and they can take it.

Really? Don’t be too sure ...

Maybe she’s just been so ruthlessly attacked for so many years that she can stand in front of you and “keep it together” even though inside, she is doubled-over (again) by the blow. Maybe he comes ACROSS as strong and unaffected–but your crushing criticism is the straw on his back that opens up wounds from a childhood of neglect and horror you could never even imagine.

But there he stands–unmoving. “So strong.” Right.

It seems to me that one aspect of learning to deal more graciously with one another is to remember that we ALL are human. Frail. Sometimes strong and sometimes weak. But humans, pilgrims, walking through this oft-troubled life, persevering in a world that is truly “not the way it’s supposed to be.”

And people suffer WAY more in their lives than we could ever imagine. (Especially the “strong” ones. Especially if we never take the time to actually get to know them.)

You know–years ago, I was hurt terribly by some Christians. I look back on that season of my life with many regrets. One of my greatest regrets is the lack of compassion I had for the (seemingly) “strong” people who were hurting me. Where was my love? Where was my grace? Lacking, to be sure.

Thank God for forgiveness! (I do! I do!)
I pray that I never repeat my graceless criticism of them or any other person.

Yours in the battle,
Tara B.

I received this question via email and wanted to throw it out to you all for your counsel and suggestions:

"I was wondering if you have any suggestions for good, Christ-centered, books regarding parenting or marriage for my small group. (We all have kids under four years old). Discussion questions would be helpful."

So what would you guys recommend?

Thanks for sharing your counsel–

Love,
Tara B.

A comment this morning from Susan started my mind clicking along again about this whole “graceless criticism” topic.

I really wonder WHY a person would feel the freedom to write words on a feedback form that can only be described as MEAN.

Is it because of the anonymity? Do we say to ourselves, “Hey! No one will EVER know it’s ME, so I can just be as BLUNT and CRUEL as I want to be and then HAH! I can go on back to the ”Peacemaker Conference" or the “Women’s Retreat” and be all godly, loving Jesus, fun & relational, etc. But if we had to WEAR OUR WORDS in GIANT SIGNS on our backs and fronts, would we ever write words like:

"You are a terrible speaker! You are disorganized and stupid. You obviously didn’t prepare AT ALL. This was a COMPLETE waste of my time and I can’t BELIEVE that I spent all this money to come to this conference only to waste it on something as poorly-done as YOUR workshop."

Wow. That’s some serious criticism, eh? I found it particularly interesting given it was in the same stack with someone who wrote:

"Dear Tara, this was a wonderful workshop. I was SO encouraged by the gospel! And I loved laughing and even crying with the other women. All of my questions were answered about the DVD series AND I left even more confident in who I am in Christ. THANK YOU. This was a great use of my time.

I do want to let you know, however, that the woman sitting next to me, I think, absolutely HATES YOU and HATED this workshop. It was as though every word you said just made her MORE AND MORE ANGRY. I didn’t know why or what was going on and I wasn’t sure how to engage with her–and so I just prayed for her heart."

The second feedback card reminded me of something I heard Dr. Dan Doriani say at a women’s conference at Covenant Seminary once ... it was something to the effect of, “Your graceless criticism of me reveals less about me than it reveals about the appalling condition of your heart.”

Oh!! How I pray that I will avoid graceless criticism. That I will always remember that the “Event Hosts” and “Speakers” and “Volunteers” who are running around TRYING to do a good job to serve ARE ACTUALLY HUMAN BEINGS TOO. And they are NOT there solely for my comfort and ease. They are PEOPLE; sometimes lazy, often working hard and doing their best ... but PEOPLE nonetheless.

And if they ask for my feedback, then I should give it gently, carefully, and if it is something particularly concerning, maybe I should even put my NAME and CONTACT INFORMATION on it and invite a further conversation? (This will help me to guard what I say, won’t it?)

Oh–and what about this whole “say something nice and THEN get to what you REALLY want to say” advice that you hear about a lot when you look up “advice for giving criticism.”

Honestly? I usually can’t stand it because it feels like it’s just a set up and REALLY? The person is really only there because he wants to SMACK ME DOWN / judge me / reject me.

And yet ... if the person GENUINELY cares about you and GENUINELY wants to encourage you, demonstrate appreciation, show you gentleness and kindness? Well, THAT is ALWAYS appreciated, right?

Let me see if an illustration will help to make the distinction:

SCENARIO 1–The Hypothetical Chicago Offices of a Young Lawyer, we’ll call her Lara
You know that your boss is unhappy with you/your work. You try to do better, but you can tell that either you’re not improving fast enough OR he just doesn’t like you. Bottomline? It’s not a good fit and, as the days go on and your “failures” continue to mount, you doubt it’ll work out for you to stay at your job.

One day your boss comes into your office with a sheet of paper in his hand. You can see that it has a number of your WORST failings and weaknesses listed on it. He sits down and begins to tell you how great you are at organizing and wow! You’re just a super-fast typist. ("Uh-huh," you think. “Who cares?! I can tell you’re just saying some token affirmation before you either SLAM ME or slam me and then FIRE ME. Please. Just get to the point. This whole ‘Affirm First!’ idea is a crock.”)

And it is. He’s up on a pedestal. You’re down in the pit. He’s judging you a failure – and any little “affirmation” he throws your way does NOT overcome his abject rejecting of you.

SCENARIO 2–A Typical Day in an Evangelical Christian Woman’s Life
Your pastor has been a faithful, albeit imperfect, friend to you over the years. At times he has loved you well. At other times, you’ve dropped off of his radar even at times when you could’ve used his help (like the 500 other sheep he cares for). But you know that he is committed to you for the long-haul. He wants to not only be your shepherd but your brother in Christ, too.

One day, he emails you and your husband and asks for a meeting with you. You cringe a little because there are a couple of situations going on in your life that, well, you KNOW you should be dealing with, but you’ve been avoiding. Still, you set up the meeting. As you gather, your pastor opens up the Bible and reminds all three of you who God is and all that He has done for you in Christ. Then he shares something hard that’s going on in his own life and asks for your counsel and prayer. He affirms how much your family’s encouragement and love has meant to him over the years. He affirms how much he cares for you. And yes, he brings up two of the difficult situations that you had initially cringed over.

He affirms again how he is right there with you in the battle–he knows what it’s like to struggle and he is just as desperate for Christ as you are. He gently asks you to share some of the things that have been going on in your heart–where are you tempted to love your sin? How are you forgetting God? What are some of the present means of grace for you in this moment? What will happen if you persist in your sin?

In short? He loves you enough to tell you the truth and confront you–but he does so by affirming his place by your side as your friend and brother AND his particular concern for you as your shepherd overseer in authority over you. Is it embarrassing? Of course! Does it feel good? No way. But IS it good? Yes.

Well ... I suppose that’s enough musing on criticism to last us for awhile.

Hope it’s edifying even in some small way!

Off to wake up our lovie–

Yours,
Tara B.

(Drum Roll Please!)

And HERE is my 100th FB friend ...



Isn’t she just too cute? And wise too. You should check out her blog:

HalfPintHouse

Thanks, Megan!

Love,
t

Hey! I just saw that whoever friends me on Facebook next will be my 100th FB friend. Super fun!

G'nite,
Tara B.

Late last week, Peacemakers sent home with Fred my workshop evaluations. Thankfully, the vast majority checked the “YES, this workshop was helpful” and “YES, I would recommend this workshop to others” boxes. Hooray that not every person’s time was wasted with little ol' (fevered, sick, migrained) me.

However, as I believe I’ve already alluded to in a previous post, WOW! Were some people MAD that they had wasted their workshop time with Tara. And they did not mince words in expressing their, ummmm ... (I’m trying to be charitable in how I characterize their feedback) ... disappointment with me.

I want to learn from the criticism, of course. And to do so, I also need to keep it in perspective and give it its appropriate weight. For example, if I received, say, 100 feedback forms and 2 people absolutely BLASTED me with words so harsh I will not restate them; and an additional 3 said, “could’ve been better / here are some ideas for improvement” ... I shouldn’t press “play” on the, “Tara is an abject failure and everyone hates her” tape that is so easily ready to start running in the back of my mind.

No! I must avoid that “sticky brain” trap because anecdotally it’s not true and statistically it’s not true either. But WAY more importantly, of course, the Cross condemns me even more so than these graceless (and I’m really not using hyperbole there) feedback forms. (That truth is straight out of my pastor, Alfred Poirier’s, The Cross and Criticism and I always re-read it whenever I receive particularly harsh feedback.)

I also did a little searching of this topic on DesiringGod’s website (it is SO full of excellent, biblical helps!). And of criticism, John Piper says:

"One thing is for sure: if you begin to lead others you will be criticized. No one will be a significant spiritual leader if his aim is to please others and seek their approval. Paul said in Galatians 1:10, “Am I seeking the favor of men or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still pleasing men I should not be a servant of Christ.” Spiritual leaders do not seek the praises of men, they seek to please God. Dr. Carl Lundquist, former President of Bethel College and Seminary, said in his final report to the Baptist General Conference that there was hardly one of the 28 years in which he served the Conference that he was not actively opposed by many people.

If criticism disables us, we will never make it as spiritual leaders. I don’t mean that we must be the kind of people who don’t feel hurt, but rather that we must not be wiped out by the hurt. We must be able to say with Paul in 2 Corinthians 4:8, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” We will feel the criticism but we will not be incapacitated by it. As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:16, “We do not lose heart.”

Leaders must be able to digest depression because they will eat plenty of it. There will be many days when the temptation is very strong to quit because of unappreciative people. Criticism is one of Satan’s favorite weapons to try to get effective Christian leaders to throw in the towel.

I should, however, qualify this characteristic of being thick-skinned. I do not want to give the impression that spiritual leaders are closed off to legitimate criticism. A good leader must not only be thick-skinned but also open and humbly ready to accept and apply just criticism. No leader is perfect and Jonathan Edwards said once that he made it a spiritual discipline to look for the truth in every criticism that came his way before he discarded it. That’s good advice."

Yes, it is! And the rest of the article is SO worth the read, too. I commend it to you.

Must run to gymnastics & violin now! Hope your Monday is a blessed one.

Yours,
Tara B.

I’ve had a bunch of events back-to-back, so this blog post is slightly delayed (and a combination of more than one event) ...

But three of you wrote me notes and I’ve been meaning to follow up with you. Since I don’t have your contact information, this blog is the only way I know to reach you. If you’d like to dialogue further, please do not hesitate to contact me.

- “S.H.” who has a daughter in Montana: Of course I would be blessed to get to meet her! Please do encourage her to visit this blog and drop me a note if she even comes through Billings.

- To the young girl who I’m fairly certain is being abused: I had only slight inklings that you were being abused when I met you. (I wish I had known!) After reading your note on my flight home, however, I am fairly certain that your home situation is not safe. PLEASE GET HELP. Go to your church leaders. If they do not intervene to keep you and your siblings from physical harm, then dial 9-1-1. PLEASE. Fred and I are praying for you and very concerned. (I’ve also raised my concerns with my event host/contact for your event and urged her to get help for you and I’ve brought my concerns to my husband and pastors.) If I can help you, please contact me.

- To the woman whose husband, a church leader, is daily using pornography: PLEASE GET HELP. It is neither “submissive” nor “loving” to facilitate your husband’s sin. He needs rescue and you need help! Please, get the church and denomination leaders involved. Love him enough to help him! I know it’s scary–but it is necessary. If you need to talk to a church leader about this, my pastor and elder are available. Please just contact me and I’ll get you in touch with them.

OK. I think I’ve done all I can to reach out to you precious women! (Please, anyone, let me know if you think there is something else I should do based on what you’ve read above.)

I will continue to pray for you!

With love,
Tara B.

After teaching at the men’s prayer breakfast this morning, our pastor (Jason Barrie) sent home with Fred one their family’s favorite books for our family to enjoy:

I’ll Love You Anyway and Always (by Bryan Chapell)

It’s a keeper! (Well, actually this copy is a loaner from the Barrie family. But the book itself, is GREAT! )

Thanks, Dr. Chapell, for the great kids book!
(And thanks for sharing, Pastor Jason.)

Love,
the Barthels

Well ... there is nothing like time with a good friend to make me really really miss her.

Yes, Samara and Eleanor Scout came into town for a little visit–and I have thoroughly enjoyed our time together.

It’s just so pleasant and edifying to be with a person who talks about deep and important things, shallow and silly things, and everything in between. It’s fun to have such a vibrant, kind, loving, and gifted person for a friend. We can sit and be quiet or talk and laugh, agree or disagree, space-out and miss each other entirely or vulcan-mind-meld get each other with that satisfying, “Yes! THAT’S what I meant!” We can just be. And that is a such a grace.

The girls had a fun autumnal visit. Hope your weekend is a blessed one too!

Happily,
Tara B.

Our “Punkin' Patch Photo” Today and . . . Circa 2005



"Target Therapy" and a Little Arts & Crafts



Pumpkin Patch Time!





Playtime in the Park



I’ve often told Scout that I gave her her first Auntie Tara kiss on her nose only hours after she was born. And I loved her even before then! And I’ve loved her ever since. And I will always love her.

You know–we moved around so much and had so much tumultuousness in our family life that I just don’t have many relationships with any longevity. What a privilege it is to call the Lyndes friends for nine years! Grace truly abounds to a saved sinner like me. Thank You, God. And g'nite, all! Love–tkb

I had a particularly productive Domestic Diva Day yesterday and Fred came home to not one, but two Crockpots simmering away:



And they both turned out delicious! Hooray! If you’re interested in tasty, easy meals, check out the recipes over at A Year of CrockPotting:

CrockPot Harvest Stew Recipe

CrockPot Brown Sugar Chicken Recipe

Sophie and I also had fun during the day making a “store” for her to play in. We had price tags (yeah-rah for post-its!), signs, aisles, a checkout lane, and bags too of course.

After dinner, Fred and Lilikoi were our first official customers ...





Downloading those pics just now, I saw two others that Fred must’ve taken when I was in Canada last week:



And with that, I’ll sign off and go back to “building, coloring, writing, and saying” a little Math-U-See with my lovie-bug.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

For the last few weeks, Fred has been reading The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe to Sophia and me. We’ve all loved it! And we were sad to have it come to the end last night. (But we’ll be moving on to Prince Caspian next.)

As I awoke this morning, I smiled at three memories from our reading last night:

1. Fred crying as he read of Aslan being shamefully shaved; Aslan’s resurrection; and Mr. Tumnus being reunited with Lucy. (In fifteen years of knowing Fred, I’ve only seen him cry a handful of times. Watching him choke up last night reminded me of what a truly kind man he is.)

2. As her eyes grew wide when Aslan was tied to the stone table and mercilessly mocked by all of the antagonists, Sophie leaned over to whisper in my ear, "They don’t know his plan!" (Indeed.)

3. Once alive again, in his glorious, glowing resurrected body–when Aslan romped with the girls, playing, laughing, running, skittering; once all was as it was meant to be ... Sophie said, "They are playing the JOY game!" (Yes, they are.)

Thank God for C.S. Lewis! I love his essays. I love his books. And I love The Chronicles of Narnia.

Happy Thursday!

Yours,
Tara B.

I was trying to find the desk in my office the other day (I assume that if I can unearth the desk, there might even be a FLOOR in there somewhere) … and I came across my notes from the 2008 Peacemaker Conference.

The speakers were wonderfully challenging and comforting (a good combination):

- Tim Laniak drew a frighteningly accurate portrait of what happens when shepherding is corrupted and becomes only heavy/crushing accountability or namby-pamby bedside pastoral care. Having spent years living among and studying the Bedouin shepherds, Dr. Laniak has no “precious moments” ceramic figurine portrait of what it means to be a shepherd. Instead, he explained that the work is so hard and so comprehensive that shepherds must have both backbone AND heart. They care for their sheep to such an extent that they will not even sleep at night—because they are scouring the landscape for wolves.

- Pastor Thabiti Anyabwile reminded us that the end of unforgiveness isn’t power—it’s destruction. And as Christians, we must always be ready to repeatedly forgive.

- Pastor John Stumbo challenged us to forgive because if we don’t, our world becomes very small. But he also reminded us that there are some things that only we can do (confess to our brother); and some things only God can do (soften his heart to forgive us).

I was also repeatedly convicted and encouraged on that trip because I was reading Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s latest book, Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom.

Friends, this is a profound book on forgiveness and I highly recommend it to you. In fact, if I can find a way to get it at a discount, I think I may try to carry it at my future events—it’s that good.

I could easily transcribe entire paragraphs for you, but instead I’ll just grab a few thoughts with the hope that they will motivate you to keep this book in mind for a future reference. If you or someone you know struggles with bitterness or unforgiveness, remember what Nancy Leigh DeMoss teaches us:

- “When we choose to hold on to our grudges … we trade the freshness of the new day and all its possibilities for the pain of the past.”

- “The prevailing mind-set in our culture today (and far too often, in the evangelical world as well) leaves u with permission to be coddled, even empowered, in our resentment, our broken relationships, and our unresolved conflicts. Well-meaning friends sometimes come alongside us, supporting our stubborn determination to exact payment from those who have sinned against us, sympathizing with our self-pity. But the Word of God is clear that the cost of unforgiveness is great. We cannot expect to live at peace with God or to experience His blessing in our lives if we refused to forgive our debtors.”

- “The wounds that have been inflicted upon you will not be made one ounce lighter by being stored up and left to fester.”

- (Recalling “Great Expectations”) “Has the clock stopped in your life? Was there a moment when someone or something hurt you—and everything changed?”

- “Forgiveness at its best requires that you face how badly you’ve been hurt.” “We can’t talk about forgiveness without acknowledging the reality of pain.”

- “In our therapeutic culture, it’s widely acceptable to acknowledge that we’ve been “hurt” or “wounded”—words that focus on the wrong that has been done to us. But it’s a lot harder to admit that we’ve let that hurt escalate (or descend, to use a better word) into unforgiveness or bitterness—which puts responsibility on our shoulders.”

And then she gave some of the best questions I’ve ever heard to help uncover where we might be struggling with bitterness—even if we don’t know it! She asks, “Can you relate to any of these statements?”

- I often replay in my mind the incident(s) that hurt me.

- When I think of a particular person or situation, I still feel angry.

- I try hard not to think about the person, event, or circumstance that caused me so much pain.

- I have a subtle, secret desire to see this person pay for what he or she did to me.

- Deep in my heart, I wouldn’t mind if something had happened to the person(s) who hurt me.

- I often find myself telling others how this person has hurt me.

- A lot of my conversations revolve around this situation.

- Whenever his or her name comes up, I am more likely to say something negative than something positive about him or her.

“These kinds of thoughts reveal pockets of resentment and unforgiveness in our hearts.”

Don’t you want to run right out and get this book?! I know you won’t be disappointed. The quotes she puts at the beginning of each chapter are alone worth the price of the book. I’ll close with just one:

“I say to the glory of God and in utter humility that whenever I see myself before God and realize even something of what my blessed Lord has done for me, I am ready to forgive anybody anything.” D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Amen! And THANKS for this great book, Nancy Leigh DeMoss!

Happy Wednesday to you all—

Yours,
Tara B.

Sophie and I had a hard day yesterday. She suffered probably the worst physical pain of her young life. And I suffered because my daughter was screaming in misery and I was powerless to do anything other than hold her, comfort her, and pray for her.

It was a long, hard day and I was glad to come to the end of it.

Yet even then, in the darkness of her room, cuddled together in her bed, she was hurting. Tears stung her eyes. Her mind began to race. (Wonder where she gets that from? Probably laid-back Fred, eh? Yeah, right.) She began to fret. ("What if I NEVER stop feeling this way, Mom?" “What if I feel this bad EVERY day FOREVER?”)

And so I reminded her of many truths that I know she knows–but she needed a reminder. And so did I. I held my daughter close and told her:

- God loves you, Sophia. He is with you. God will never leave you nor forsake you. Nothing can take you away from His love. Nothing! When you are a sweet and generous child, He doesn’t love you more. And when you are a mean and selfish child, He doesn’t love you less. He loves you because of Jesus. He loves you because you are His.

- God wants to carry this load for you, Sophie. (At this, her eyes lit up! I saw a glimmer of hope spark deep inside of her.) Jesus said, “Come to me all ye who are weary and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn of me. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Jesus is your Good Shepherd. He carries your worry. He carries YOU. He leads you besides still waters. He makes you to lie down in peace. Don’t be afraid! Trust Him. Give Him your worries, Sophie. Pray and entrust your concerns to Him. He cares for you.

And then, my four year-old theologian reminded herself (and her Momma!) of the gospel when she said:

"Momma! God is not like a man standing far away, far off. He is my brother!"

Yes He is, Sophie. Yes, He is.

Transcendent and yet immanent.
Omnipotent and eternal–yet concerned with “little ol' me.”

"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him ..." (Psalm 8:1-4a)

Out of the mouth of babies and infants indeed.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin." (Hebrews 4:15)

Thank You, Holy, Triune God!
Blessed Father
Indwelling Spirit
Savior and Brother, Jesus
Amen

And goodnight to all–

Yours,
Tara B.

My review of Carolyn McCulley’s book, Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World, was finally posted at Amazon.



I’ll copy it below and encourage you to read and recommend this book broadly. It’s a keeper.

(Thanks, Carolyn, for your ministry!)

And thanks to all of you who have written me such encouraging emails and blog comments! I must admit, today has been a hard day to be Momma Tara. A bloody ear on the Golden (poor Lilikoi!) and excruciating pain for the lovie-bug daughter (poor Sophie!) have necessitated emergency trips to dog doctors and people doctors and, well, lots of stress for the Momma who is seeking to both care for and comfort her two little loves.

How grateful I am for prayer! And for the confidence in knowing that God hears my prayers and cares.

I think we’re turning the corner. Hope so!

And I hope your week is off to a great start–

Yours in the battle,
Tara B.

MY REVIEW OF “RADICAL WOMANHOOD” ON AMAZON.COM

As a faithful reader of Carolyn McCulley’s (excellent!) blog, RadicalWomanhood, I had high expectations for this book. Carolyn met them all with ease.

- Her research (and citations) demonstrate her commitment to journalistic integrity and her years of experience as a writer and editor. It was refreshing and informative to read actual historical information and logical, persuasive arguments. I learned much–especially about the lives of feminist leaders, how feminist ideals have impacted the evangelical church, and how our current “raunch culture” developed over the last twenty years.

- Carolyn writes from a position of humility–and this is particularly important because this topic is so prone to bring out the worst in harsh rhetoric and personal, graceless attacks. But not with Carolyn McCulley. Even though she obviously feels strongly about this topic, she is unfailingly winsome in her presentation of all sides of the arguments.

- The Gospel of Jesus Christ is clearly proclaimed and lived out in the pages of this book. Carolyn clearly explains and illustrates how the root of all of our destructive behavior lies in our hearts–we are sinners. And then she repeatedly points to the One Who can rescue us from ourselves. No surface-level explanations and works-based “solutions”–just a consistent call to remember The Cross; to remember the Gospel–the indicative (Who God is and all that He has already done for us in Christ).

I would not hesitate to recommend this book to anyone seeking to learn more about the topics of feminism (especially its impact on the Christian church), biblical manhood and womanhood, complementarianism, and “the mommy wars.”

Well done, Carolyn McCulley!

Pastor Anyabwile linked over to a great article by John Piper and I encourage you to check it out:

What to Say to the Depressed, Doubting, Skeptical, Confused, and Angry

I’ll tempt you with just a snippet:

"If you care about people and risk talking to the depressed, the doubting, the skeptical, the confused, and the angry, you will soon run into a person who says to your counsel: I’ve tried that. Whatever you say, they will minimize it and say it doesn’t work. Do not be surprised at this response. This is what it means to be depressed, doubting, skeptical, confused, angry. It means that whatever they hear sounds useless.

So I want to offer some suggestions for what you say in a conversation that is about to be cut off like that."

As someone who has often been on the receiving end of such wise counsel, and someone who hopefully gives such counsel and love too, I encourage you to take a few minutes and give it a read.

Soph’s fever keeps going back over 104 (!!) but it responds well to medicine and cold cloths and she’s keeping liquids down – so I’m teetering on the edge of that “when do I take her to the doctor” momma-question-for-the-ages.

Hope your Monday is a blessed one!

Yours,
Tara B.

Soph woke up whimpering and HOT. Her 104.2 fever guaranteed that I would not be going to church because I was needed at home.

Poor love. I used to get horribly high fevers as a young child. I have vivid, terrifying memories of being plunged into ice water in hospitals ... so HOT, yet SHIVERING with cold. I am praying that Sophie will not have to experience those treatments–but I know that if she does, then the good far outweighs the bad and God will give her the grace to endure it.

It’s just so hard to see my love-bug so weak, tired, and fevered. I must admit that I am SO SICK of us being sick. What I REALLY want to do is keep Fred and Sophie COMPLETELY HOME for at least an entire week. Have no one over and go NO WHERE and see if we can just sleep, drink lots of fluids, and GET WELL. But I don’t think that Fred’s responsibilities will allow it.

Anyway – happy Sunday to you! We’ve been talking a lot about baptism and the Lord’s supper (because those are the questions that Sophie is on now in her Catechism work). How grateful I am that God sets us apart and nourishes us with His sacraments.

Yours,
Tara B.

The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation’s monthly newsletter was packed with lots of helpful information (I urge you to sign up for their publications!)–but my favorite was this article by Nina Campagna:

Yelling at My Kids

It is an excellent explanation and illustration of "The Three Trees"–far better than my sub-par teaching of The Three Trees in Canada this past week. (I just don’t think I explained it very well.)

(Oh–and Hi Reformed Canadian Teachers! It sure was an honor to be with you all. Thanks for the fellowship, interesting Q&A’s, and especially for allowing me to sing “O Canada!” with you. 'Twas grand.)

Hope you enjoy your day of rest tomorrow! I’m so happy that Sunday is almost here.

Yours from snowy Montana,
Tara B.

As I prepare to leave Canada and re-enter the USA, I am thrilled to point you to my favorite Canadian blogger, Tim Challies, and encourage you to read his posts, watch the videos that he links to, and just enjoy his coverage of the True Woman Conference going on right now in Chicago.

6,000 Christian women who are excited about rigorously biblical, Christ-centered, Gospel-proclaiming theology? Who love being WOMEN and who are excited about the biblical roles that God has given them? Who have a high view of Christ and His Bride–such that, they are eager to serve both?

I love it! And I am so grateful for the ministry of True Woman.

Hope you enjoy!

Blessings,
Tara B.

The (wonderful!) manager of my local NWA counter asked me to give him my “top ten” ideas for his upcoming family vacation to Orlando/DisneyWorld and this is what I came up with:

1. Do your homework in advance of your trip. Read the family-oriented Orlando websites. Visit the discussion boards and blogs for the parks and activities that you are interested in. Before you get to Florida, you should know: a) What your family enjoys; b) What your family can afford; and c) What parks/vendors can meet your goals and your budget. If you have that framework in place, then you can relax and just enjoy your trip.

2. Unless you’re staying at a Disney hotel and ONLY going to Disney properties, don’t rely on hotel shuttles. Fred and I messed this up and it ended up causing us both time and money. The hotels/resorts always oversell how close they are and how easy/convenient it is to get to the parks. I can’t tell you how many miserable people I saw waiting for hot, cramped, miserable shuttle vans. Just rent a car if there’s any way you can swing it!

3. Go in the off-season. Seriously. I can’t imagine going to Orlando during peak tourist seasons. It would be madness! We were there in October and there were hardly any lines—and it still was hot and “hard” in that very fun, but physically and mentally draining sort of way. Avoid the tourist times if at all possible.

4. Don’t over-schedule your time. Plan for downtime. The parks are great. Really. But they are huge and they require a ton of walking. Especially if you have young children, plan for time to just have fun and sit and be. If you’re always running to the next major attraction / show / ride, and you never let your kids just splash in the water play area or slide down the kids’ slide, you’re going to miss out on a lot of the real fun of your trip. It’ll be a temptation to push and push to “get your money’s worth”; but remember—your goal is to have fun! And that might mean just relaxing at the hotel pool or cuddling together and watching a movie.

5. Don’t miss Aquatica & SeaWorld! We loved all of our time at DisneyWorld, but we really had a blast at Aquatica and SeaWorld. We strongly encourage you to buy the ticket that gives you admission to both parks. It is good for 14 consecutive days—so you can even go to a Disney park in the morning before the crowds and then book out after lunch when things get crazy at the Disney parks—and go and enjoy the cool, refreshing, super-fun water rides at Aquatica! (Plus you can pay for parking once a day and go back and forth between SeaWorld and Aquatica—so it’s a really good deal.) I would recommend to Aquatica to everyone—families with babies to the elderly. We loved it.

6. Use the FastPass at Disney. FastPass allows you to get a ticket to return to a certain ride at a certain time—and it saves a ton of time. Read about it online and then do it. As you get to a new area at Disney, scope out the longest line for the best ride and get your FastPass. Then go and enjoy the other rides in that area and go back for your FastPass ride when it’s time. It’s easy and super fun.

7. Take a PHOTO of the BACK of your Disney PhotoPass Card AS SOON AS YOU GET IT. One of the fairy Godmothers in training told us to do that—and sure enough, if I hadn’t, I would’ve lost all of our photos. But because I had the number, I had the photos. I just entered it online and bippity-boppity-boo, there the photos were! (The PhotoPass is a little card that the official park photographers scan when they take your photo with a character or in front of a landmark, etc. Then you can go online and order the photos as long as you have the number.)

8. If you have a little girl who likes the Disney princesses, then go for ALL of the princess stuff. It’s SO worth it. We loved our Bippity Boppity Boutique adventure. We loved the Princess Lunch at Epcot/Norway (much better, I’ve heard, than the overcrowded/no-fun princess one at Cinderella’s castle). We loved getting autographs and photos. The actresses who play the princesses are astoundingly gracious and we had a super fun time with them.

9. Pack breakfasts and light, non-melting snacks & water and use lines/train rides/waits to “refuel” a bit. Yes, everything you’ve heard and assumed about how expensive everything is in Orlando is true. And yes, you just have to be prepared for that. However, we found two things helped us to save significant money and kept us all happier. First of all, we packed disposable bowls and spoons and then we bought cereal, juice, and milk. We saved hundreds of dollars on breakfasts alone—plus, we could get to the parks earlier in the day. We also used lines, train rides, any kind of waiting times to refuel with light, non-melting snacks (like fruit leathers, dried fruit, nuts, granola bars, etc.) and rehydrate with bottled waters we had also bought at the grocery store. (All of the parks let you bring in waters.) Meals were sporadic and we were expending a lot of energy—snacks and water made everything better.

10. Wear sunscreen (and sunglasses & sun hats). I know this seems so obvious, but based on the number of people I saw who were bright, bright RED due to sunburns, I feel compelled to mention it … Florida is hot and sunny. Before you leave the hotel in the morning and at multiple times during the day, use sunscreen. A sunburn will completely ruin your trip (and do lasting damage to your skin!). Be safe. Avoid the sun!

BrittleCrazyGlass pointed me to AdrianWarnock who quoted Mark Driscoll’s definition of a friend. (Did you follow all that? No worries. Here’s the quote ...)

Friends? “They love you, have hope for you, and have time for you.”

Yes.

Samara’s husband, TJ Lynde, just listed on Ebay an amazing painting from his recent trip to Glacier National Park:



Morning at St Mary’s Lake, Glacier

(If only I could capture just how stunning his art is in person. A little photo just does NOT do it justice. It’s like trying capture Tchaikovsky on a $.99 plastic synthesizer.)

Thanks for making the world a more beautiful place, Taylor! We love ya' and miss you guys terribly.

G'nite all!
– Tara B.

Just a quick note to let all of my CA orders for “Running Scared” and “When Sinners Say I Do” know that I was completely OUT OF STOCK and so was Peacemakers ... for the next FOUR WEEKS! Eek!

So I just went online and found the books for you on Amazon. You’ll probably receive them FASTER than the rest of your orders from me (which were sent via Media Mail today) ... so I hope this is not too much of a hassle for you. I didn’t want you to have to wait for the books.

Blessings to you!

G'nite,
Tara B.

At friend-prayer group this morning, I was reflecting on how blessed our family is to have pastors/church leaders who a) understand what the Bible says about their duties to shepherd their sheep; and b) try hard.

Are they perfect? Nope. (And they would be the first ones to admit that, I am sure.)

But they take their ordination vows seriously. And they work very hard.

Plus? Sometimes they excel at shepherding by:

- Counseling well: They know the Scripture and use it wisely to encourage, rebuke, exhort, and comfort

- Loving well: taking the time to reach out and listen; demonstrating genuine care and concern

- Living well: valiantly fighting faith’s fight against sin (and calling us to do the same), but leading from a place of weakness and vulnerability that points to the Savior (rather than works).

Are my church leaders perfect? No way.

Do I thank God for them? Every day.

(Oh, and I thank God for a husband who leads me in similar ways too. Hi Fred! )

We’re off to gymnastics! Hope your Monday is a blessed one.

Yours,
Tara B.

Just a quick note to say hello to all of the wonderful (wonderful!) women I met this past weekend at Calvary Chapel East Anaheim!

I was so honored to be with you all! And I typed in all 50+ of your orders on my two flights home Saturday night ... so if I can get the resources from Peacemakers, I hope to have them all in the mail for you before I leave for my Canada event on Wednesday morning.

THANKS for sharing your lives with me!

Sending you love–
Tara B.

I have no idea why these numbers are giving me a wry smile this morning–
(And I can’t imagine they’ll be all that interesting to any of y'all ...)

But for some strange reason, I feel compelled to share with you that:

1. I’m about to become a million-miler on my primary elite frequent-flyer airline. I find this so weird. I’m currently at 995,453 miles and with nine flights in a ten day period, over one million I go. 'Course, I flew most of these miles back in my pre-Sophie days, but still. That’s a lot of TSA screenings, eh?

2. Our YouTube video of Choza & Sophie continues to be in the top three or so Google hits for the phrase “world’s most patient dog” and we’re over 65,000 viewers. I just can’t wait until it’s on the BBC’s “animals at work” television show in 2009. Too fun!



3. My sister is turning 40 next month. Her husband is turning 50. AND they celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary this year–so they’re calling it their "century of fun!"

OK. Enough irrelevancy for the morning. Time to get ready to go.

Hope you enjoy a lovely Saturday–

Yours,
Tara B.

Yesterday, as I waited to be picked up at the Orange County airport, I observed a number of situations (and intervened in a few) that got me thinking about just how often even the tiniest bit of encouragement to do the right thing can go SO far.

Just one example: I’m sitting on a bench, looking for my ride. An elderly woman pulls up, opens her trunk, and begins to help another elderly woman with some apparently very heavy bags.

(Yeah. Like I’m going to be able to sit there and WATCH that. My mother raised me better and my grandmother would roll over in her grave if I did.)

So, of course, I jump up and begin to help them with the–yes, incredibly heavy–bags. As I do so, a gentleman next to us pauses his conversation, sets down his cell phone, and begins to help too.

It took less than one minute, but really helped the women. It was absolutely no biggie. But it was a tiny ripple of grace in a day filled with lots of hustling and bustling around.

I love stuff like that. Children and adults who hold doors open for one another, offer seats, help with bags. Man. I’m such a softie! A total “cry at the long distance carrier commercial/I’m sure that’s why I love TWW” romantic.

Anyway–I pray that I will set aside self today; see the people around me, encourage, and serve. For God’s glory! By His grace.

Hope your Friday is a great one!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
If you read that line up above about my mom “raising me better than that” and thought, “Hey! I thought Tara’s mom had all of those struggles.” Know that, yup, she did. But she also had MANY moments of great wisdom and common grace too ... She raised Kali and I to love reading and education. She introduced us to fine art and music. She taught us never to judge another person by the color of their skin or some preconceived “label.” My mother was, and is, a very generous woman who is quick to help when someone is in need. She is a gifted artist and poet. She had (and has) a lot of struggles–just like us all. But she had (and has) a lot of beauty too. I am who I am in many ways because of her–and God is sovereign over all of the details of my life. And He is always good.

IX Marks linked to a great (and short!) DesiringGod article that is directed at church leadership, but relevant for everyone:

How Can Pastors Guard Their Time with Their Families

Listen to just a snipppet of Pastor Piper’s wisdom on this important topic:

"A pastor needs to work with his leadership, either lay leadership or other pastors, to come up with some kind of plan like we did, so that you all have common expectations. You don’t want to feel guilty when somebody sees you out cutting your grass on Thursday afternoon at three o'clock or sees you at your kid’s soccer game at two and says, “Oh, I thought you worked.” Well you probably did work 60 or 70 hours that week, but you’re going to be at your kid’s soccer game."

Amen!

This “21 blocks of time” idea makes so much sense! Hope you enjoy.

(And maybe we can chat about this, darling Fred? )

Happy but tired in Southern California,
Tara B.

Michael Horton has a new book coming out and for a limited time you can get it for 1/2-off! The details (plus videos, audio files, endorsements, etc.) are at:

Christless Christianity: The Alternative Gospel of the American Church

Dr. Horton is also going to be doing a live web chat with The Washington Post on October 31st.

If you’re not familiar with his writings (or the amazing teaching ministry of The White Horse Inn), I encourage you to check them both out. They are definitely worth your time!

I’m going to pop over to Christless Christianity and order my copy now and then I’m off to California.

Happy Thursday!
- Tara B.

If you chatted with me about Crisis Pregnancy Centers at the Peacemaker Conference last week, would you please drop me a quick note if you’d be open to a further conversation?

Thanks so much!
– Tara B.

We took the ferry instead of the monorail ...



Enjoyed the sights & sounds & especially the character greetings. Wow! Those are some gracious people in (what have to be HOT & HEAVY) costumes ...





Sophie enjoyed her first roller-coaster ride (it was fun that we could ride it as a family!) and Fred was SOAKED on the water ride ...



I still can’t believe how much centripetal force I endured for my lovie-bug ...



All in all, I’d say it was a fun trip–but I sure wouldn’t want to go during on “on” season. We never waited in a line for more than, oh, 5 minutes–and that was A-OK with me.

Thanks for the memories, Mickey!

Love,
Tara B.

Great news! TakeYourVitaminZ just posted that Covenant Seminary has launched a series of new sites that are (apparently) chock-full of great stuff.

I haven’t yet had time to poke through all of the pages–more or less listen to all of the material–but I wanted to be sure to let you know:

New Covenant Seminary Sites

You know ... I keep thinking that even if I never get to actually GO to seminary, I bet I could learn a TON just reading the books I already own and listening to the material from trustworthy sources that I can find online. If only I were diligent and not so prone to sloth, eh?

OK–back to the laundry.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

Oh! That Carolyn McCulley! She’s such a gift to the Body.

Check out her post today (including the links) and be blessed:

Reflecting on Words

Her posts are always worth the read–but this one was particularly timely for me because of two things that happened this morning.

1. When trying to express my heart to Fred this morning, I remembered Pastor Jason’s exhortation to always speak the gospel to Fred and intentionally reaffirm with my words my confidence in God and my commitment and love for Fred–especially in those hard conversations. And so I did. And it helped us both! So I am grateful.

2. I looked across the breakfast table at my gentle and kind husband and I exhorted him to respond to someone with gentleness and kindness–not because this person deserves it. But because God is so gentle and kind to Fred. Plus, if Fred were to do anything else (say, be harsh, unrelational, uncharitable), he would simply be doing to this person the exact thing being done to him. And what’s the good in that? (Even the pagans and tax collectors ... )

Ahhhhh ... the power of words.
We’re all desperate for Jesus, aren’t we?

I’m wading through unpacking and laundry–
Hope your day is going well!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
If you haven’t yet pre-ordered Carolyn McCulley’s new book, Radical Womanhood–Feminine Faith in a Feminist World, I encourage you to do so today! I ordered mine back in April and can’t wait for it to arrive.