considerable grace

I’m not really sure that any of you would really WANT an “official” Peacemaker Ministries SHIRT ...

But if you do, now’s your chance to get one!

VisualAdvantage (the world’s best shirt maker) is offering the Peacemaker shirts for sale to the public–but only for one month. So get your orders in by March 1 if you want one.

(And no, no, I have absolutely NO stake in this little venture. No profits or commissions or anything. I just know that lots of you really like Peacemakers, so I just wanted to be sure you knew about the sale.)

Blessings to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
This little announcement deserves a HT to my darling Fred who blogged about the sale on the Peacemaker Ministries blog, Route 5:9. As an aside, he ALSO blogged about our recent fight, so click on over if you’d like to hear HIS take on our quarrel and Sophie’s efforts to be a peacemaker.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the media–especially in the United States currently, but also throughout our country’s history, and the role of the media around the world.

Like most topics, I’m quite ignorant in this area. But one thing I know for sure–the impact of the media is important. Terribly important.

And the ruthless killing of Sri Lankan journalist Lasantha Wickramatunga is just one horrific example.

I know it’s off-topic from the normal gospel & relationships & peacemaking, etc. posts on this blog. But I encourage you to consider slowing down and taking a few minutes to read the editorial he wrote in anticipation of his murder. (He assumed that one day he would be killed because almost all honorable journalists in Sri Lanka are.)

And please do pray for our Christian brothers and sisters in Sri Lanka! Their Parliament is poised to pass an anti-conversion law in February, so things continue to decline there at an alarming rate.

Thanks and much love to you from Georgia!

Yours,
Tara B.

BrittleCrazyGlass posted an old Michael Jordon commercial because she found it “oddly encouraging.”

So did I! So here it is for your enjoyment. Wonder if any of you are oddly encouraged too?



(Most of life is just getting up off the mat, isn’t it?)

What a blessing it was to meet with our small group last night. Prayer, sharing, sermon discussion, and chocolate chip cookies all added to the chaos of three small children playing around us. It was a good night.

But I also cried a little as we went to prayer–so many of us are being touched by death right now that my heart just ached. One friend lost a little one to miscarriage. Another friend is facing the slow decline of her elderly parents. We are all praying for friends who are seriously ill.

It’s just so hard! (And harder still on those who are crossing over the dark water, comforted only by God’s promise to make the river’s floor firm again.)

So I was particularly blessed to find Ray Ortlund’s post, “When, in Christ, we die”, as I surfed a bit after a coughing fit at midnight:

"There was a real railway accident," said Aslan softly. “Your father and mother and all of you are – as you used to call it in the Shadow-Lands – dead. The term is over; the holidays have begun. The dream is ended; this is the morning.”

And as he spoke he no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. . . . And we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world . . . had only been the cover and title page; now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story, which no one on earth has read, which goes on forever, in which every chapter is better than the one before."

C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle, pages 183-184."

Our only Hope!

Prayerfully and with love,
Tara B.

Wow! I just read my daily “Slice of Infinity” from Ravi Zacharias ministries and since it is perfectly on point to my most recent post, I encourage you to check it out:

Magnanimmity

Let me tempt you with just a brief excerpt:

"... Acedia was considered one of the most serious of sins. It manifested itself in sloth or spiritual despair, but more significantly embodied the temptation to give up caring about anything truly important. Acedia led to spiritual impotence and smallness of heart. Spiritual impotence would allow vice to flourish and virtue to languish, not because vice was purposely chosen or intentionally entered into, but because spiritual lassitude desiccated one’s concern to be virtuous.

In our day, this same acedia distracts many a Christian pilgrim from following the way of Jesus. Author Kathleen Norris warns that acedia “is known to foster excessive self-justification, as well as a casual yet implacable judgmentalism toward others,” and readily lends itself to this process of spiritual apathy. With this understanding, we can see why the Parson would encourage magnanimity to combat acedia, for a magnanimous person is a person who is generous of spirit, caring, and gracious in forgiveness. Chaucer, through the voice of the Parson, warns that “a great heart is needed against acedia, lest it swallow up the soul.” A great heart is a magnanimous heart full of generosity and graciousness, eager to forgive. Acedia, on the other hand, makes our hearts small, consumed not with care for the things God cares for, but devoured by things that do not matter at all.

Acedia further makes it easy for me to pluck the speck out of my sister’s eye while I ignore the log in my own. This propensity to see others as the primary problem, while elevating one’s own self is a clear sign that acedia has taken root in one’s life. On the contrary, magnanimity, as Norris notes, “requires creativity to recognize our faults, and to discern virtues in those we would rather disdain ..."

Don’t you want to read the entire article? (And while you’re at it, sign up for this great e-devotional? It is the ONLY devotional I have subscribed to for YEARS. It’s that good, that consistently.)

Oh, that we would have mananimous heart this very day!

Yours,
Tara B.

I received an interesting question from a women’s ministry leader and I thought I’d share my response to her with you.

The gist of her question had to do with the fact that after a recent retreat, their women’s ministry leadership team met, and one of her leaders shared how “someone” had been offended by the style or worship music used at the event.

This woman asked for my advice and this is what I told her:

"Dear [name],

I’m sorry that you had to receive some “nameless, faceless” criticism. It’s always hard to learn that we’ve offended “someone” but that person hasn’t talked to us, they’ve talked to others.

Sadly, that is far too often the case—and it is extremely toxic to relationships and trust. I’m really sorry that you’ve had to face this and I commend you for taking it seriously and prayerfully seeking counsel as to what you and your other leaders might do in response.

My first advice is to read The Peacemaker by Ken Sande. This book is foundational for every single Christian to understand what it really means to live out the Second Greatest Commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself.” I would also encourage you to have your team read it too—and possibly take a few minutes out of your planning meetings or email discussions to visit about the biblical principles and how your ministry can and should be committed to encouraging them, even as you are dedicated to your other ministry goals.

(Oh, and if reading a book seems like too much, you could also just read yourself and ask your team to read the basic principles on the Peacemaker Website.)

Secondly, I would encourage you to ask the leader (who knows who was offended) to approach that person and gently encourage them to (graciously) talk about their offense so that a) your leadership team can apologize for hurt and confess if there has actually been an offense and b) LEARN from her experience so that in the future you do an even better job serving your constituents.

Thirdly, I encourage you to consider some sort of email follow-up survey (there are some great options online that give you “one free try” as a marketing offer, or else you can make your own) and ask the women BRIEF, QUANTIFIABLE questions about your recent conference. Keep them short and to the point—but be sure you cover this “style or music” question AND (tactfully/carefully/graciously) the “offense” question too.

(BTW—I find that surveys work best when you a) guarantee that there names can be kept anonymous—but encourage them to LET YOU KNOW if they’ve been offended; and b) offer a screamin’ deal PRIZE for the participants.)

THEN, your leadership team should ACT on the survey. If 90% of your attendees didn’t like the worship music, maybe you should think about changing it for your next event. But if it’s 1 or 2 (or NO) people? Then don’t worry about it.

You know—you are NEVER going to please everyone. Never. Whatever you do, WHATEVER you do, you will ALWAYS end up offending someone, letting someone down, not doing enough, etc. etc. Do your best. Love God. Love neighbor. Be teachable and humble. AND LET IT GO.

(But first, learn biblical peacemaking and equip your leaders and equip your women to breathe grace in their relationships. )

Hope this helps!

Have a blessed day–

Yours,
Tara B."

Would you have advised similarly? I’d love to know how to improve my encouragement and counsel to her.

We’re off to co-op in a little bit, so I’d better get going. Soph wrote the CUTEST poem (well, at least her favorite audience/momma thinks so) for our poetry unit study and she’s going to read it in class today. Should be fun!

Sending you love from COLD Montana,
Tara B.

Pastor Anyabwile has another great post on church membership that I encourage you to check out:

What God Has Joined Together

In it, he quotes John Stott and that made me want to go and grab my old books by Dr. Stott. I think he was one of the very first theologians I read as a new Believer back a zillion years ago in my late-teens, early twenties.

Thank God for the (imperfect!) Church!

Yours,
Tara B.

I’m praying and working to prepare a new teaching for our denomination’s women’s ministry leadership conference this March:

Persevering with Grace When our Leaders Let Us Down: As wonderful as headship is (and it is wonderful!), our leaders are not perfect. No matter how hard they try, their leadership of us will always be flawed. They may misunderstand us, take offense at something we do or say, or simply not like our personality. In their fallenness and sin, they may actually wrong us intentionally. Often, they hurt us most deeply by their neglect—they fail to give us the proactive attention and care we long for. So how do we respond? And how do we lead other women who are hurt by our leaders? This seminar will explore some practical ways that the gospel enables us to persevere with grace when our leaders let us down.

It’s such a hard topic! But one I hear about (and experience personally) on a very regular basis.

Like one example I thought of during church yesterday ...

Awhile back, I was really excited about joining a group of women in my church who were working together on a ministry goal. The women were really interesting and loved the Lord–and they had a ton of experience and I was eager to learn from them all.

But then one of my church leaders–a man who really didn’t know me at all–said something to me to the effect of:

"You know, Tara, you’re probably just going to take over that group and ruin it. You’ll be too loud and dominant and think you have better ways of running things and it won’t work at all."

(Nice, eh?)

Now, of course, even with graceless criticism, there are almost always true and accurate aspects to the criticism. And that’s surely the case here!

I have DEFINITELY gone into many situations and “ruined them” in the past. I was impatient and talked too much. I didn’t encourage others. And yes, in my INTJ-ness, I saw lots of ways to “improve” things and was too quick to share my opinions.

(That’s why Chapter 9 of our book, Peacemaking Women, is my favorite ... “Women Leaders with Powerful Personalities”. Ahhhhh. That hits close to home.)

But at the same time, I also know that God IS growing me in grace and conforming me to the image of His Son. God has graciously brought around me wise and gracious church leaders, friends, and a husband, who are all helping to confront, encourage, and sanctify me.

Still ... it took a pretty big dying to self to not give up on that church leader after his harsh words. I wanted to run away from him! But then, but then, I REALLY didn’t want to treat him the same way he had treated me. I didn’t want to judge him. I didn’t want to be graceless toward him.

I begged God to help me to treat this man as GOD treated me–with patience and kindness, long-suffering, forbearance, MERCY. Because just like me, just like all of us, my church leader is growing in grace too.

So anyway ... I thought I’d give you a little peek into a topic that I’m thinking and praying a lot about these days.

It’s pretty counter-cultural, isn’t it? To love our enemies? And pray for those who mistreat us? Why would we EVER do such ridiculous things?

For this reason alone ... God, Who is rich in mercy, has made us alive with Him in Christ. We, who were His enemies, fully deserving His wrath, have been forgiven. Cleansed. Justified. And adopted.

And so we live this life NOT for ourselves, but for Him Who made us and saved us.

These relational sufferings? They are simply the opportunities we have to remember God, suffer and grieve (and, as appropriate, graciously help others to grow too) ... but to live for Christ.

I’m praying for all of you dear blog readers! And for every group study of “Peaceamking Women” and “Living the Gospel in Relationships” that I learn about.

With love,
Tara B.

PS
If you (or the people around you) might say that “powerful” is a potential apt description of your personality, in addition to Chapter 9 of “Peacemaking Women”, you might be encouraged and helped by my audio CD, Biblical Hope (and Help!) for Women with Powerful Personalities. It almost always sells out at my events, so I know that I am not alone in this particular aspect of life’s journey.

We learned something new about our Golden Retriever, Lilikoi, last night ... she’s a great watchdog!

If you know Goldens, this might surprise you a bit. They are so friendly and love people so much that I’ve always sort of assumed that Lili would greet a robber at the door with a friendly lick and lead him around the house, asking him to play fetch with her favorite toy.

But no. She would actually snarl and growl and BARK.
Hooray!

I really (REALLY!) like knowing that she is in-tune to strange sounds in the night and that there is no way anyone could even get close to our home without us knowing about it.

Like last night ...

I don’t know why, but a car and a truck stopped in the street right outside of our front door. The drivers, two men, were just talking in low, gentle voices (maybe on their way to work a late shift?). But Lili didn’t like that at all. Her barking woke us up and when I went down to check on her, she insisted on going outside in the back and prowled by our gate, growling and barking until I called her back inside. (And, of course, praised her and assured her that everything was OK.)

I love it!

And when Sophie woke up this morning, she liked it too–and immediately said, “Just like Choza!” (Our first Golden.)

Choza was, beyond a doubt, the calmest, kindest, sweetest dog around children EVER.





(Did you notice Soph’s FINGER in Choza’s EYE in that one photo? )

Choza was patient and sweet, to be sure, but NOT if you were a strange man trying to come into our backyard when I was out there with the baby. Gordon, the world’s nicest postal carrier? A friendly meter reader? You would not see a gentle dog, you would see a giant dog plant her front legs and take an aggressive stance with her hackles up as you saw teeth and heard LOUD barking.

“Don’t you hurt my pack!” Sophie and I always said Choza was barking. “Stay away!” Well, until my alpha dog mom says you’re OK, then (lick lick lick), “Want to play?!?”

Ahhhhh–life with dogs. Worth the hair and mess. We just love 'em.

Happy Monday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Fred and I had a rough conversation last night.

We were both trying hard to honor the Lord and each other. But it was still a tense exchange.

I left the room for a few minutes to pack up some orders and when I got back, Fred and I persevered and worked through the things we had to discuss.

Later on in the evening, Fred told me how Sophie coached him and helped him to have a more gracious and tender heart toward me. Apparently, after our tense exchange, when I was out of the room, Sophie asked Fred:

"Dad? How excited was Mom when you asked her to marry you?"

As he answered her, he said that his heart began to soften.

What a great reminder of Philippians 4!

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8 (ESV)

(Oh, and by the way, when I got upstairs, Sophie confronted me about not using a gentle tone with Fred and she encouraged me to apologize to him. So I did. Guess I needed a little law and Fred needed a little grace, eh? )

Thank God for our children! Out of the mouths of babes ...

Happy, blessed Sabbath to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

We got a letter in the mail today and I’m trying so hard not to panic.

It’s from the city of Billings and, apparently, we need to tear up the sidewalk in front of our house and put in a new sidewalk–or else the city is going to do it and charge us $2,000 (!!).

This is stressful to me in so many ways ...

2009 is already a year of less income and additional expenses for us. Our budget is thinner than it’s been since grad school.

Soph’s illness started in November, so we have huge medical bills from November and December–and THEN (right after meeting our deductibles for the year) we start over again with brand-new, huge medical bills from January. This pretty much wipes out our savings.

In addition to the cost for the sidewalk, the city says they are going to tear down one of our GORGEOUS old trees! We LOVE our old trees. They really give our old neighborhood character. I don’t want to lose our tree!

Plus, I seriously don’t know where we’re going to come up with $2,000.

And yet ... and yet ...

I know that our financial needs, while scary to me, are nothing compared to what some families are experiencing.

I know that we are not alone–we have a loving and supportive church and generous deacons who will give us good counsel, help as needed, and (hopefully!) the loan of a jackhammer and skilled labor to help too.

So, I’m trying not to panic. Really. I’m trying to respond with faith and remember all of the COUNTLESS ways God has amazingly provided for us in the past. How it’s “just money” and “just stuff.” God is sovereign. We’re going to be OK, etc. etc.

It is true though, isn’t it, how much these kind of things reveal our hearts and just how quick we are to doubt and worry and (for me at least), freak out?

I’m asking God to forgive my lack of faith and help me to respond as a woman who remembers Truth (rather than a woman controlled by her emotions).

Still ... ERGH! What a bummer of a letter to receive, eh? ERGH ERGH ERGH!!

(Can you tell I’m still in the battle? Faith’s fight against sin. Moment by moment. May God help me!)

I’m looking forward to church tomorrow–

G'nite from your friend,
Tara B.

Have you been following the discussions over at IX Marks re: church membership? Pastor Anyabwile posted some great examples today that I encourage you to check out:

Membership Based on a True Story

I have always been so grateful that when the Lord saved me, He placed me into membership in a local church. I was taught that was “just the way Christians live.”

We know that there are spiritual forces at work; that the world tempts us; our own flesh hates the thought of crucifixion ... and so we run to the church for accountability, discipline, oversight, protection AND so that we can serve others as members of the Body of Christ.

I was in my late twenties before I even knew that people questioned this. I went to undergrad and joined one church and committed myself to it the entire five years I was there. I went to grad school and did the same. One church in Chicago and now we’ve been members of our local church here in Billings since we moved here in 1999.

You know, with all of its failings; given the fact that my worst suffering in life happened in my local church; even though I so often feel like a complete misfit ... I just can’t imagine life apart from the local church.

So anyway ... I thought you might enjoy the thread and, in particular, the post I linked to above.

Happy Saturday to you! We’re heading to “Peter and the Wolf” with our friend Megan Sande this morning.

Blessings,
Tara B.

A member of our church had the privilege of saluting President Bush as he departed D.C.



We’re so proud of you, T.M.!
And grateful for you both, President and Mrs. Bush.

Please do continue to pray for our troops.

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
If you haven’t yet read the gracious letter that Jenna and Barbara Bush sent to the Obama girls, I encourage you to read it today. It is precious.

Well ... we’ve (joyfully!) passed the first trimester Rubicon, so Fred and I are ready to introduce you beloved blog friends to Baby Barthel #3:



Yes, yes, part of the stress that I’ve been laboring under has been the near-constant sense these first twelve weeks that somehow I was just waiting to miscarry. Isn’t that just awful? But I must tell you that it is true.

Every day. Every one of my zillion trips to the bathroom. Every twinge and pain, I thought, “Here we go. Goodbye baby. Maybe (like in 2007), you weren’t ever even healthy enough to make it very long on this planet.”

It wasn’t like I was “worried” about it–every moment, every fear, I also thought, “And I know there really isn’t anything I can do about it. God is the Giver of Life, not me. He will do what He will do–and no matter what, He is always good.”

Still, it was a stressful, crushing season. Sophie’s medical challenges on top of it didn’t help. Plus some really hard things that I am having to endure re: some, well, let’s just say, “less than pleasant and easy” relationships ... add it altogether with horrible morning sickness and my normal sins, struggles, and immaturities and WOW! It’s been a bit of a stretch.

But then there was this morning. Fred graciously and lovingly persevered with me and we had a good, hard, long conversation about some major things going on in our marriage and personal lives. (Plus we talked openly about our fears of what we might see on the ultrasound. I don’t know if it was lack of faith or fears based on past experience or what, but I REALLY think I expected the ultrasound technician to put that wand on my belly and sadly say, “I’m so sorry. There is no life here. No heart beat. No recognizable baby.”)

Instead? Instantly–absolutely instantly–there was the baby. Unmistakable. Head, spine, legs, arms, fingers, and a beautiful, amazing heart beating away. They want the heartbeat between 100 and 200 and this little one was right at 161 bpm. Toward the end of the ultrasound, the baby started to roll over, turn over, move around, wave arms. Sophie said that the baby was waving at her! For all of the kisses she’s given my belly, I wouldn’t doubt it.

I know I’m rambling on here, so I’ll draw it to a close and just say ... now you know! No, no, Tara’s not just getting fat again. There’s a baby in there. And no matter how long the Lord gives us with him or her, we are grateful for every moment.

We love our little one already and just wanted to share our joy with you all.

Happy Thursday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

(& Fred & Thrilled Big Sister Sophia)

Fred and I are beginning to work hard to (try to) pull it together and teach well our Sunday school class: (Actually!) Getting Your House in Order.

This is the description that’s been running in our church’s bulletin:

"(Actually!) Setting Your House in Order: Deacon Fred Barthel and his wife Tara will lead this class to help all RMCC families (including singles!) to “set their houses in order” regarding financial stewardship, budgets, credit card debt, life insurance, estate planning, tithing, student loans, and any other related topics that come up during the course of the semester. Participants will not only learn about these topics, they will be encouraged and helped to implement changes—all for God’s glory and the further joy and ministry effectiveness of each family. Have you been thinking about getting on a budget for years? Stressed over the wills that you know you should have—but don’t? Would encouragement, accountability, and practical help be a blessing to you? If so, then please come to “(Actually!) Setting Your House in Order”. Any questions? Please contact Fred or Tara ..."

I’m really glad to be doing this for our OWN sake (it’s always good to be reminded of these truths and “tighten up” a bit re: administrative/financial aspects of home management. Plus, I really hope we can be a true blessing to anyone who participates.

One book I read this week on this topic is Your Money Counts (by Howard Dayton).

I liked it quite a lot–especially for a basic introduction. It’s substantive without being scary–which, when it comes to money issues, is a great balance to hit.

If you’re just starting to feel convicted about all of this stuff and would like a very readable introduction to the topic, I recommend Your Money Counts.

Hope your Thursday is going well!

With joy,
Tara B.

Dear friends,

The PeaceGals Moderators received some very, very hard news this morning when our own PeaceGal Moderator, and frequent commenter on this blog, and friend, “Ruth from NC” shared this prayer request with us:

"Two weeks ago I detected a questionable lump at my right temple so head, neck, and brain scans were done yesterday and we saw the doctor this morning. He confirmed that the tumor is back...with a vengeance. It has overtaken the remainder of the right masticular (chewing) muscle and has invaded the right eye socket, wrapped the optic nerve, traversed the cranial wall and the brain lining. They are unable to confirm via any scans if it is in the brain or on the nerve of the brain stem.

He emphasized that this tumor would take precedence over the lung cancer and would soon create havoc of different kinds, not the least of which would be loss of vision. He expressed concern about the pain levels and for now, the pain is tolerable but increasing daily.

We are waiting now to hear back from the oncologist in Houston as to how to proceed. The treatment options are limited but it’s generally acknowledged that if something is available, MD Anderson Cancer Center is best equipped to know it and administer it.

Humanly speaking, it’s not good news. But while I have difficulty finding words right now, I do know that as believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, we are not limited to or by human language and circumstance.

Meanwhile we are hunkering down and wrestling with the news, trusting the Holy Spirit’s intercession with “groanings too deep for words.” (Romans 8 ) This site will be updated as information is available. Thank you for praying with and for us.

Grace and peace,
Ruth"

I have Ruth’s permission to post this (of course) and I do ask that you might please keep Ruth, her beloved husband and young children in your prayers.

Thanks much!

Yours,
Tara B.



PeaceGal Moderators Sarah Joy, Emily, Ruth, and Tara B.
(not pictured: Anne, Julie, Shannon, and Tara S.)

Do you guys have a Bible study recommendation that I could look into?

In a strange twist, I’m praying about serving the women in our church by leading a women’s study. Can’t really believe it–but there’s a need and I have a very quiet travel season this spring, so I’m praying about it.

I’d love to know what studies you recommend if you have a moment.

Thanks much!
– Tara B.

Wow! That Jess is quite a blogger. This post has a bunch of things worth reading, including this link to (ostensibly) easy recipes.

Hey! Maybe I really CAN keep our family on a tightened grocery budget this year. Here’s hoping!

Blessings to you–

Yours,
Tara B.

This is our first “normal” Monday in a LONG time.

(Our Florida/Disney adventure seemed to roll right into a heavy event-travel season; the next thing we knew it was Thanksgiving and we were off for Chicago/Mexico; back in time for Christmas and then we spent our ten days at the Children’s Hospital. Needless to say, we have not been very consistent in, well, ANY area of life.)

But today has already been a blessed day (and it’s only 10AM!):

- I felt well enough to walk Lilikoi and it was great. She’s such a sweet pup.

- Sophie and Fred did their Bible reading together and Sophie wrote a nice journal page about Creation.

- I finally got caught up with my daily reading of Calvin’s Institutes. (I’m curious if anyone else is reading them too?) I’m really enjoying them, but I’ve been a little disappointed with the Ref21 Blogging the Institutes. Maybe I’m missing something (wouldn’t put it past me!), but it doesn’t feel very much like a blog because there are no comments or discussion. If you’re reading through the Institutes this year, have you found a better online community? I’d love your counsel because I really am enjoying reading through the Institutes slowly.

- Lunches made. Violin practiced. A little math play (Tangrams!) and now it’s time to get ready for gymnastics.

- But my favorite line of the morning was when Sophie was plucking out melodies on the piano and suddenly ran into her schoolroom to grab her harmonica, play it a little, and then zip it into its case (attached to its book, also on the piano). “Ahhhhhh. Just the way I like it.”

Everything in its place and a place for everything. I have no idea where she gets that, eh?

What a grace to have even a couple of hours of rest and work and diligence and order. I pray that my heart doesn’t love it too much, though, so that I remain open to whatever “schedule busters” (i.e., real-life, ministry) God may bring my way today.

Happy Monday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

More encouragement from Elyse Fitzpatrick and Dennis Johnson’s wonderful book, Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken People to the Love of Christ:

"Because we are so familiar with the gospel message, it gets shoved out to the periphery of our spiritual consciousness and becomes nothing more than white noise, only to be remembered at Christmas and Easter ...

When we lose those truths, what takes center stage in our awareness? We do, of course. When we lose the centrality of the cross, Christianity morphs into a religion of self-improvement and becomes about us, about our accomplishments, about getting our own way ...

So, now we’re going to remember God’s love for us in Christ for this one reason: Our love for God, for others, is responsive in nature. The Apostle John has made it perfectly clear: we love God in response to his love for us. We love others in response to God’s love for us, for them. Indeed, as John wrote, “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19-20). If we’re unsure or doubtful about God’s disposition toward us, if we think that he is unloving, displeased or angry, then we will never be able to mortify our sin. Love is the first cause of all the graces we desire, it ‘warms the heart, and sweetly and powerfully influences our affections to delight in, and to walk in love with such an exceedingly gracious and merciful God.’"

(They quote William Romaine at the end there–I looked it up in their footnotes for you.)

I’m still working on my endorsement of Elyse Fitzpatrick and Dennis Johnson’s wonderful book, Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken People to the Love of Christ, and I wanted to share a few more nuggets with you.

Here’s what hooked me in the first few pages:

"So why add one more counseling book to your local bookstore’s shelves? Because we want to lay before you a provocative claim: the cross of Christ and the gospel that proclaims it really is “the power of God for salvation–comprehensive rescue–to everyone who believes” (Romans 1:16). In that cross lie both the power to liberate hearts that have been caught in seemingly unbreakable cycles of defeat and to instill hope that change can actually happen, in ourselves, in our relationships, in those whom we love fiercely and resent intensely at the same time.

The cross declares that we are loved with an intensity that defies our capacity to comprehend, not because we are intrinsically lovable but because God is intrinsically love. And these twin messages of the cross–brutal honesty about our guilt and impotence, with the glorious assurance or our welcome by the Father in his Beloved Son–pack divine power, through the Holy Spirit of God, to pry our affections loose from enslaving patterns of self-defense and self-indulgence and to set our hearts free to run–by grace alone, through faith alone–toward the goal: “until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13)." (emphasis added)

Don’t you want to pre-order this book today?

I am going to bed now with a heart prepared for corporate worship tomorrow because I am remembering that, “When God the Creator sent his eternal Son as Redeemer, he set in motion a new creation power that will eventually eradicate both the sin-twisted self-centeredness of our hearts and the sin-infected wounds that we have inflicted on one another.”

Amen & Amen!

G'nite friends,
Tara B.

We finally got Sophia’s 5th birthday photos taken – and tried to get some nice family shots too.

Soph was SO sweet playing her violin in the mall while I chose the photos and paid for them. She had quite a little crowd at times. ("Momma! I’m serving the people by playing!") Totally cracked me up. What a shy, introverted little kid she is, eh?

Hope you enjoy!

Blessings,
Tara B.

My morning Bible reading was SPOT ON re: my previous post, so I thought I’d share it with you too:

"One who is taught the word must share all good things with the one who teaches. Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith." Galatians 6:6-10

What a great reminder that we are to “share all good things” with those who teach us!

(I wonder ... what can we do TODAY to bless our pastors and other church leaders? A two-second email? Real snail-mail card? (If we have the financial means ...) a gift card to their favorite restaurant?)

And what a comfort to know that when WE try to bless and serve well and are mistreated, we don’t have to give up. Because we are not persevering for the OTHER PEOPLE–we are simply obeying God and “sowing to the Spirit.”

Ahhhhh–just what I needed ... a reminder to keep my heart fixed on eternity. What else matters?

Hope your Friday is a blessed one. We’re going to try to get Soph’s 5th birthday picture taken today!

Yours,
Tara B.

In the last few days, I’ve visited with multiple women who are:

1. Generously giving of themselves to serve their churches (through volunteer prayer ministries, mercy ministries, etc.); and

2. Being yelled at (literally!) and treated incredibly disrespectfully by the very people they are sacrificing their personal and family time to bless.

It’s just so strange. Understandable, of course, but strange too.

I prayed for them and tried to encourage them by reminding them that we are all called to be in difficult relationships–lots of people are either unregenerate or very immature. And their selfishness, harsh and critical attitudes, and lack of love are really to be expected.

But that doesn’t make it any easier, does it? To serve and give and sacrifice–and be treated terribly? It’s unjust. It’s not fair. It’s not the way it’s supposed to be.

But it IS the opportunity for us to lay down our lives, pick up our crosses, and treat them NOT as they deserve–but as GOD treats US. To bless and never curse. Pray, do good, suffer.

I hate it though–I hate that these amazing women are treated like this. Reminds me of what a women’s ministry director told me once as SHE was counseling and encouraging me to persevere and not give up when I had been treated badly by some Christians.

"Welcome to the club, Tara. We get t-shirts, you know."

Here’s hoping that your day is NOT being filled with too many difficult people–and that when it is, you are finding yourself so wholly defined by the gospel of Jesus Christ, that you can walk through even the most awful situation with grace.

My day’s gone pretty nicely. We’re unpacked. Laundry is just about done. (It’s a clean sheet day! Hooray!) And I actually even walked Lilikoi–my first exercise since, ummmm, well, maybe September?

Sending you love–
Tara B.

I was given a tremendous Christmas gift last month when Crossway Books sent me a manuscript for review and possible endorsement. The book (scheduled for publication in 2009) is Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken People to the Love of Christ, by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Dennis Johnson and it is wonderful.

Reading through it, I had a similar experience to when I read How People Change (by Paul Tripp and Timothy Lane). Initially, I foolishly had the thought, “Another book on biblical counseling and the gospel, etc. etc.? Haven’t I read enough of these?” But then, just like with “How People Change,” I was challenged, encouraged, comforted, helped, drawn to worship Christ!

I absolutely LOVED this book.

As I work on my (glowing!) endorsement, I hope to write more blogs in the coming days with various excerpts. Today, I will leave you with this:

"Do you feel yourself to be too great a sinner for his promises of love to be true for you? You must remember: Christ did not die for the righteous but for sinners! (Matthew 9:13) His love rests on those who know they don’t deserve it. Answer your conscience and your adversary who would accuse you, as Martin Luther did:

'Because you say I am a sinner, I will be righteous and saved ... I fly to Christ who has given himself for my sins. Therefore, Satan, you will not prevail against me when you try to terrify me by telling me how great my sins are. On the contrary, when you say I am a sinner, you give me armor and a weapon against yourself ... for Christ died for sinners. You do not terrify me but comfort me immeasurably.'"

Amen and Amen!

Be not terrified this day, my friends. Be comforted. In joy and in sorrow. When you make that wise, disciplined choice and when you fail. Again. Remember that God’s love for you is not based on YOU but on HIM. He is the One True God. He delights in saving sinners. He chooses to rescue unworthy, trapped people and make them His own.

From death to life.
Darkness to light.
Rejection to delight.
Abandonment to adoption.

God will never forsake His children. Never.

Thanks, Dr. Johnson and Mrs. Fitzpatrick for your brilliant, practical, biblical, Christ-exalting book to help us all remember these truths.

Happy Thursday to you all!

Your friend,
Tara B.

Thanks for your extraordinary patience and care as I have not been a very good blogger the last few weeks.

I am so tired today that I can hardly sit up. I assume it’s a combination of actual physical exhaustion, emotional exhaustion, stress, fear, loneliness, etc. Last night (or, I guess it was technically this morning) when we got home, I just started to shake and then I threw up for quite awhile. Finally, I wrapped my arms around Sophia, climbed into bed next to Fred, and we had a family “treat night” together.

First thing this morning, I ran out to get milk, bread, and produce ... and Lilikoi.



She was so blessed by the love and care of our friends, the Murrays, but we were all missing her terribly. It’s so good to have her home.

I also wanted to post some pics from our time in Denver so that you could picture it a little. (I wasn’t even going to take any photos–I just wasn’t sure I wanted a page in our Picaboo book dedicated to such a hard/stressful experience.) But Fred asked if I would because it’s obviously been an important part of our lives.

So here is the actual Children’s Hospital. (Aren’t the little red wagons with their I.V. poles just as pathos-producing-as-a-Guideposts-article?)



Sophie was such a trooper having to go ALL DAY with absolutely no food and HOURS without even water. But the waiting grew long and the smiles grew further and further in between as the day dragged on.



I will tell you that carrying her into the actual operating room (literally FILLED with people ... anesthesiologists, the head of the pediatric gastroenterology department, another GI doctor, and lots of O.R. nurses) and leaving her on that table after she was asleep was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Talk about feeling helpless! And she was just SO LITTLE compared to the table and all of the equipment.

But she was calm and very obedient as they put the mask on her and she took deep breaths. The doctors said that little children usually try to push the mask away and squirm on the table, but God gave us great grace and she was very prepared. (Sophie’s the kind of kid that does better with information.) She breathed in and out as I whispered in her ear and kissed her. And once she was asleep, Fred kissed her and we left.

I feel sick just thinking about it now. Can you imagine how hard it is for parents with chronically ill children? Sophia was probably the healthiest kid in that hospital and it STILL was so hard.

(BTW–that reminds me. During our week in Denver, we learned that the two-year old granddaughter of two prominent theologians (whose children had married) was undergoing chemo for extremely aggressive cancer. I don’t know them personally and I don’t have their permission to share their names, so I won’t. But if you would like to pray for her and for her family, I know that would be very appreciated. Two years old! My heart just aches for the suffering caused by life in a fallen world.)

It wasn’t long before our doctor came and found us and then the surgeon met with us too. Everything looked BEAUTIFUL inside of Sophie. No evidence of inflammation or infection. Everything opening and closing properly. They even took her off of the anti-acid medicines because they are really close to diagnosing her problem as abdominal migraines. So strange–but so hopeful too, in that the medicine should really help if she has another attack.

I couldn’t wait to go to her in recovery. She just wanted to be held by me (which was all I wanted too!).



As soon as she met the criteria for release, we were out of there and en route home.

Oh, and I did get her some daisies this morning at the grocery store–because (a la “You’ve Got Mail”), don’t you think that daisies just help in any situation?



Hope your Wednesday is going great–

I plan to be back to more “normal” blogging just as soon as I can unearth our house and unpack from this adventure.

Sending you love and thanks,
Tara B.

2AM and we’re HOME. Thank God!!

The snow / ice / frozen rain was a little treacherous for parts of Wyoming, but Fred was super safe and Sophie slept for 90% of the ride.

Now if we can just get our brains to turn off the “warp speed in the Millennium Falcon” effect (from driving in snow for ten hours), we’ll be all set for a little sleep.

THANK YOU for praying. The surgery went GREAT and Sophie had absolutely no complications.

Will write more soon—

G’nite / G’mornin—

Love,
Fred, Tara & Sophia

Thanks for all of the nice emails and notes. What a blessing to wake up to virtual hugs!

Sophie and I are having a quiet, hungry (for her) morning. (Jello and popsicles only satisfy for a few minutes and she has a long, solid-food-free-day ahead of her, poor love.)

We’ll head to the hospital around noon and she should be going into her deep sleep by 2:00. They let us stay with her until she’s out–and they wait to put her I.V. in until she’s asleep (nice).

I think we’re feeling as OK about all of this as we can. This morning as we snuggled in bed, Sophie said:

"Mom, this has been kind of a hard week. I’ve had so many doctor appointments that we haven’t gotten to cuddle enough. But once we get home, we can cuddle all day and night until we’re all caught up, OK?"

Sounds good to me!

Oh–and we MAY be home VERY late tonight (2AM??) ... there is snow forecasted for Wednesday, so we’re thinking that if post-op goes well and we can get on the road by 5 or 6PM, we’re going to just get on the road and try to power through at least Wyoming. (Winter driving through Casper is the WORST.)

So that’s out day in a nutshell. Thank you for caring and for praying–

With love,
Tara B.

Wow. I had no idea this existed. Did you?

The Life Photo Archive (Hosted by Google)

(HT: CakeWrecks for giving me more than just a giggle today.)

Have you checked out CCEF’s new website?

I stumbled onto it late last week when it first launched, but it crashed within minutes of my logging in. Some people must’ve been working hard over the weekend, though, because it seems to be running great now.

Hooray for CCEF’s tech team! And all of the staff, too, because WOW! It takes a LOT of time and effort to design, program, and launch a new website.

Reminds me of when we moved to Montana to join the staff of Peacemaker Ministries. Fresh off the boat from our big-six consulting firm (Fred) and high net-worth estate planning firm (me), we faced a new world where a tiny ministry still distributed phone messages via a paper notebook & a plastic spindle; no computers were networked to each other; no one used email; and the website pretty much consisted of a handful of pages ... “welcome to Peacemaker Ministries” (and the hands-shaking-in-the-form-of-a-cross-logo), “the slippery slope”, and an outdated ol' “events schedule.”

(Granted, it was particularly hard for the website to stay updated or grow because Ken Sande himself was the web designer and maintainer before Fred arrived!)

Fred got to work (as a volunteer for months) and slowly, PM started to integrated changes. God provided some equipment and funding, and since we were living in someone’s (gorgeous!) basement and didn’t even have a plant to keep alive (more or less a child or a Golden Retriever), we just worked and worked. And worked.

I’m incredibly proud of all Fred has done to serve the Lord and His Kingdom through his faithful service at Peacemakers. I’m even more proud of his missionary heart that willingly and joyfully left behind a great career when the opportunity to serve arose. He’s a keeper, that Steady Freddy.

ANYWAY ... enjoy CCEF’s new website and all that your Monday holds for you. Sophie and I are planning a special momma-daughter-pre-surgery-fun-day.

(Thanks again for praying for her tomorrow afternoon! And for me. I’m still working hard to push back fear with faith and remember that Jesus carries my burdens and His yoke is easy.)

Blessings to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

I woke this morning after a restless, headache-filled night, to three things that have helped to encourage me and prepare me for worship:

1. I remembered God’s mercy to sinners like me.

2. I received an email from a friend and was reminded that I am not alone.

3. Pastor Ray Ortlund pointed me to Psalm 27 and helped me to dispel doubts and fears.

And now I get to receive God’s grace through the preaching of the Word? Well, I’m a blessed woman.

Hope your Sabbath is restful and God-centered.

Yours,
Tara B.

Thanks for the prayers and kind notes, everyone. We had another long day at the children’s hospital–but we think we may be narrowing in on a potential diagnosis (and, thankfully, help for Sophie) ...

After both the brain and abdominal CT’s came back perfectly normal (hooray!), and her blood work was clear too (hooray!), Sophia had a complete neurological workup and received a diagnosis of an abdominal migraine. We had never even heard of such a thing! But her symptoms line up exactly with the diagnosis and there is a spike in incidence at ages 5 and 10, and a higher incidence in girls. (Sophie is exactly 5 years old.)

We still need to have the endoscopy on Tuesday–and I have to admit that both Sophie and I are a little nervous about that. General anesthesia is always a risk, plus they will take multiple biopsies. Probably, everything will be fine. But we’re feeling the weight of it all.

If the endoscopy doesn’t show inflammation or irritation / acid reflux / muscle spasms / the stomach not closing properly, etc. ... I think we’ll be released to go home to Montana on Wednesday with pre-emptive orders and a migraine prescription in hand. Then, if she has another attack, we’ll administer the migraine medicine AS we load her into the car to head to the hospital with the orders for certain blood work and abdominal scans (to be done while she is in the midst of an attack).

If the migraine meds stop the attack? Well, that’s a strong if not conclusive indication that it really is an abdominal migraine.

That’s pretty much all of the news. We are spending the weekend with our dear friends (and adoptive grandparents for Soph), Cap'n Dave and Auntie Pat Edling. We’ll head back to Aurora on Monday for the surgery on Tuesday. Thank you for praying for no complications and continued wisdom for the doctors.

The human body is amazing and we are so grateful for this world-class medical care.

Blessings on your weekend! Thanks again for your kindness–

With love,
Tara B.

Hmmmmm ...

Tim Challies posted a link over to a great article by The Purple Cellar on being stuck in sin.

The thing is, do I REALLY want to read it?

(Yes. Yes. I do. But you know ... this battle rages on and on, eh?)

Hope you’ll check it out:

Staying Stuck

We’re heading out the door soon (it’s VERY early here) to find out the results of all of Sophie’s tests. Here’s hoping she’s allergic to wheat or something! If so, we’ll start our long drive home. If not, we may have to stay through the weekend for more tests and procedures next week.

Blessings on your Friday! Remember that God is FOR His children–

Yours,
Tara B.

Another thing I filed away for Fred and me to discuss and use personally (and to share at the marriage retreat weekend my pastor and I are leading this spring on the east coast) is from the wonderful men at IX Marks:

Rejoice in the Wife of Your Youth–A Do It Yourself Marriage Retreat

Great stuff in the attached .pdf file! I hope you’ll check it out.

It’s interesting to me that my attention would be drawn to both of these posts this morning because I was just remarking to Fred (on the drive home from the hospital last night) how I am beginning to catch even a glimpse of the stress that a sick child places on a marriage.

I’ve always heard about such things–how high the divorce rate is when a child faces a serious illness, disability, or even death. But I never understood just how taxing it all is: doctors and nurses and needles and huge medical machines and driving to and from and to and from the hospital (while watching your tired child sit limp in her car seat imploring you with her eyes and trusting you at the same time).

Thankfully, so far, Fred and I have been drawing closer together, so that’s a true grace and an answer to prayer I am sure. But I still would like us to go through this “do it yourself marriage retreat” one day. I am sure it would be a great blessing to our friendship and our eros love too.

Heading into our day now–

Hope you are well!

Yours,
Tara B.

Someone just put up a new comments on this discussion thread on PeaceGals and I was really blessed to re-read it.

Is Your Marriage in Danger?

(Honestly? I had forgotten about this discussion thread entirely, but I really would like to discuss it with Fred–Hi Fred!–when we get a chance.)

Hope it’s a blessing to you all too!

Happy Thursday–

Yours,
Tara B.

We made it through the CTs just fine. Soph was a trooper and the nurses/techs were gracious and professional.

I, on the other hand, am becoming a bit of a wreck.

I didn’t anticipate this and I have to admit it’s really, really hard. Probably just the combination of getting over being sick, hormones, stress/fear re: all of the “what if's” related to Sophie, being away from home, driving two hours every day to and from the hospital, being surrounded by incredibly sick babies and children at the hospital, etc. etc.

If I could find a quiet room where I felt safe and a friend’s shoulder to cry on, I’m pretty sure I’d just weep. Not over anything in particular. Just exhausted and a little sad and a little scared. And we don’t even have anything “for sure” going on that’s serious in our lives! (Can you imagine if all of this just turns out to be allergies or something? Or maybe we never know what happened but – YEAH GOD!! – maybe it simply never returns??)

ANYWAY ... our drive home tonight was pleasant in that we be-bopped away to “The Music Man” (we LOVE to sing “pick-a-little-talk-a-little” and “good night ladies”) and “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” (I think I saw that THREE times in Chicago I loved it so much) ...

But our drive was also unpleasant because, apparently, Boulder is ON FIRE.



Yup. We drove closer and closer to FLAMES and the air become increasingly smoke-filled and there you have it ... 11,000+ evacuations and 6,000+ acres lost already on a mountain that feels VERY CLOSE to my aunt and uncle’s home (but which is actually, I keep being assured, miles and miles away and pretty much the entire city of Boulder would have to burn to the ground before we’d even come to close to being at risk).

Still ... it was just what I needed to help me to SNAP OUT OF IT and CALM DOWN, don’t you think?

Oh well. God is still on His throne and nothing, absolutely nothing, can thwart His purposes. So I’m heading to bed now (after having given my sleeping daughter about a million kisses) and leaving it all to His perfect care.

Hope your week is going well and that your town is not on fire.

With much love,
Tara B.

Thanks again for the encouraging notes and prayers.

We’re currently in radiology trying to get Sophie to drink her (nasty) contrast material. It’s not as bad as the barium, but it’s still pretty hard.

Just found out that she has to have an I.V. too ... needles are hard for anyone, eh? But little kids? Poor love.

Soph’s trying hard to not worry too much, but it’s a difficult time for all of us.

And I lost my wifi! So I don’t know when I’ll get to a computer again.

Please know that I appreciate all of your kindness and encouragement!

Yours,
Tara B.

Just read a great post from John Piper/DesiringGod Ministries:

Texts to Pray for Our Children

(HT: Life Together for the link.)

Thanks so much for the prayers, everyone!

We had a very good day at the hospital. What an amazing grace it is to be able to access such incredibly medical care!

Our doctor seems very intelligent, experienced, and thorough, so that’s great. We spent just over an hour with her and then Sophie had to persevere through an uncomfortable internal exam and a slew of blood work. Not pleasant–but so good to check for, well, everything. They’re looking for allergies, metabolic diseases, anything related to the live, pancreas ... really, anything you can think of.

We will go back to the hospital tomorrow afternoon for an abdominal CT series and a brain CT. I’m really praying that Sophie can drink the contrast liquid without getting sick–the nurse said that’s the hardest part of the abdominal CT.

The brain CT was a surprise to us, but the doctor explained that sometimes when otherwise “perfectly healthy” children vomit without any explanation (no tie to a food or activity or time of day or whatever), it can sometimes be a migraine, an abdominal migraine (which we had never even heard of), or a small, benign cyst/tumor in the brain that pushes up at the just the right location to cause vomiting.

Fred and I can’t imagine that’s the problem–but we’re glad they’re being so thorough. I really believe that if the underlying clause is detectable/identifiable, this doctor and her team will find it. But of course we might not know, and that’s OK too. God will give us what we need when we need it, no matter what.

We will need to stay here in Colorado at least through Friday morning, when we’ll meet with the doctor and discuss the findings from all of these tests. And then we may get to come home–but we may need to stay through the weekend so that Sophia can have an endoscopy early next week. That’s a lot more invasive, of course, and requires sedation–so the doctor wants to wait and see if it is necessary after these other tests are completed.

So that’s all the news from Lake Woebegone. We’re rejoicing at God’s gracious provision of a place to stay here in Colorado. (Because WOW! We never could’ve afforded a week/ten days in a hotel.) And my friend–who was visiting Lili every day–just called me to ask if she could KEEP Lilikoi for the week at her home so that she doesn’t have to be all alone the majority of every day and night. Of course we said, “Wow! Yes! Thank you!” So Lili is currently romping with two other Goldens or cuddled up in a loving home–which is a big load off of my mind too.

I promise to let you know when I know anything–but that probably won’t be until Friday at the earliest.

Hope your week is going well!

With love from Colorado,
Tara B.

Don’t you just LOVE friends?

Like my dear sweet Finding Grace buddy (who has become a friend in real life too!).

This is the email I woke up to. THANKS for making me laugh, Em. JUST what I needed to start a relatively stressful day.



(Make me so proud to be a lawyer.)

THANKS, everyone, for the prayers and encouraging words too. We’re all doing OK here. The unknown is a little challenging–but we have a sweet sense of the presence and care of God. And we’re SO grateful to have access to such world-renown medical care.

(Oh, and no worries about hospitals and me, Martha. I’m kind of the surgery queen–started with a series of operations when I was a child to correct some birth defects, continued through my teen and college years, and even into adulthood too. So we’re all about pre-op and post-op and tests, etc. Sophia, on the other hand, hasn’t been around many medical things, but she usually picks up our peace-level or stress-level, so I think she’ll be OK. She also talks openly about the things she’s concerned about and that gives us lots of opportunities to explain, comfort, and most of all ... pray.)

My first thought this morning?

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" (Matthew 6:25-27)

God is with us. Grace abounds.

Hope you enjoy a blessed Tuesday!

Thanks again and much love,
Tara B.

In a few minutes, we will load up a (borrowed) car (we needed one with four-wheel drive and preferred one that wasn’t twenty years old with a zillion miles on it and a friend was exceedingly generous in loaning hers to us) ... and head to Colorado.

We’re hoping for no snow as we cruise through Wyoming and looking forward to (hopefully) arriving at The Children’s Hospital for our appointment tomorrow.

(For those of you who don’t know, our five-year old daughter, Sophia, has been experiencing a serious medical challenge since November or so. None of the doctors in Billings can help her (or even figure out what’s going on), but there is a team of pediatric gastroenterologists at the Children’s Hospital that (hopefully) can.)

Yesterday, our pastor asked for prayers for Sophie and prayers for us as we travel. (Ten hours of winter driving through Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado can get a little tricky.) And my Momma heart caught in my throat a bit this morning when I was doing some last minute straightening/packing and found Sophie’s sermon notes from yesterday’s service.

For the prayer requests of the day, she just wrote two words:

"Help me."

So I guess that’s my request too–would you please pray and ask God to help our daughter?

Yes, we are praying for her complete healing. But we are also praying that, no matter what, she would walk through this entire experience with faith and confidence in God’s goodness.

Suffering is so hard! And I just can’t express to you how extreme her pain is when she is having an attack. It’s like something you would see in a horror movie. Other than the time I helped to sit with a friend who was dying of breast cancer (and the pain was so great at the end that even the morphine did not bring her relief), I have just never been around someone is such excruciating pain.

I would give anything to be able to switch places with her and bear her suffering. But I can’t. And so I pray.

I seriously doubt we’ll have any “answers” this week. But the triage nurse has been great about explaining that many times in this situation, they do tests over the course of a few days, but if they can’t diagnose the problem, then the children leave with a set of standing orders for what to do if an attack returns. For example, if Sophie goes two weeks without an attack and then has one at 3AM, we would immediately put her in the car and go to the hospital and while she is in the midst of an attack, certain tests would be run.

This gives me a lot of hope that we will, at the very least, have a game plan for helping her. It has been incredibly hard to feel so powerless to help her.

So that’s our story. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to blog this week–but thanks in advance for your prayers.

Sending you our love,
Tara B. (& Fred & Sophia Grace)

PalmTreePundit just posted a great article on a new biography of Elizabeth Prentiss. I encourage you to read the entire post, but let me tempt you with just a snippet. (A particularly a propos one, given our family’s current situation.)

"Lay down this principle as a law, – God does nothing arbitrary. If he takes away your health for instance, it is because He has some reason for doing so; and this is true of everything you value; and if you have real faith in Him, you will not insist on knowing this reason. If you find in the course of everyday events, that your self-consecration was not perfect, – that is, that your will revolts at His will, – do not be discouraged, but fly to your Saviour and stay in His presence till you obtain the spirit in which He cried in His hour of anguish, ‘Father, if Thou be willing, remove this cup from me; nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done.’"

Amen. Thy will be done, Lord.

Blessings on your Monday!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
PalmTreePundit makes a great pitch for Elizabeth Prentiss’s book, “Stepping Heavenward”, and I concur. It’s a great book.

But I’m always surprised at how many Elizabeth Prentiss fans have never heard of my favorite book of hers, “Aunt Jane’s Hero.” It’s WONDERFUL and interesting and incredibly edifying. If you want to lose yourself in a book AND be drawn to the Lord, read "Aunt Jane’s Hero."

Well ... so far, so good. I’m reading Calvin’s Institutes (and loving it, by the way) and looking forward to the Ref21 Monday-Friday blogging of the Institutes starting tomorrow (January 5).

It’s not too late to join in! The reading assignments aren’t that long and it’s really encouraging, edifying stuff. (The kind that makes you go, “Yes! That’s TRUE! Amen! Thank You, Lord!”)

Still need a reason to try? Check out Ligon Duncan’s Ten Reasons to Read Through Calvin’s Institutes in 2009.

Hope to see you over on the Blogging the Institutes Discussion!

Yours,
Tara B.

Ray Ortlund’s title for this comic nails it:



Our Intuitive Theology

Blogs are strange things.

“Tara’s journaling publicly now!” a friend told her husband once. She’s pretty close in her description, but not quite 100%.

(Yes, yes, there are some things that really are just between God and me.)

But then there are blog archives.

OH MY STARS. Have you ever gone back and read your blog archives? I just randomly grabbed a month from my first year of blogging (well before I started averaging 1,300+ readers a week) and found the strangest conglomeration of gospel theology and silliness:

November 2005

Like I said, blogs are strange things.

But isn’t 2 year-old Sophie a cutie-pie?

And wasn’t our first Golden, Choza, just the loveliest pup ever?

I’ve been up since 3:30AM–a hacking coughing fit moved me out of our room (I didn’t want to disturb Fred) and into our guest room. How great that I had JUST unearthed our guest room yesterday (it had about a YEAR’S worth of STUFF jammed into it in one of those, “I’ll deal with it later” sort of ways). If I hadn’t tackled the beast yesterday, I (seriously) would not have even been able to open the door. So that’s a grace.

Hope your Friday is going well!

Yours,
Tara B.

Just a quick note to say hello the all of the wonderful women over at Laced with Grace.

Thanks for interviewing me and for offering my video series in your giveaway!

I hope that we will stay in touch–

Yours,
Tara B.

So ... my happy new year started around 4:30AM with a coughing fit. (We have a bad cold beginning to move through the three of us. Blergh.)

But then I had a sweet four-hour stretch of organizing, closing out the year, and budgeting for 2009 before Fred and Sophie woke up. Time to shred, toss, give away, and archive! Hooray! This is always a hard time of year, but a rewarding one too. Doesn’t it feel GREAT when your files are all cleaned-out and ready for the new year? I love it.

But I don’t love THIS ...

After Sophie was up, I went to feed Lilikoi AND THERE WAS A HUGE, CREEPY, SCARY LOOKING BUG IN HER DOG FOOD DISH (!!!!!!!)!

Yes, yes, I know ... nothing like the (literally) DEADLY bugs that PalmTreePundit has to deal with on a regular basis or anything ... but it was still CREEPY.

After trapping it under a glass (with a plate on top) so that a) Sophie and I could investigate it more closely until b) Daddy woke up and DEALT WITH IT, I did what I always do when I am creeped out by some giant, nasty bug. I googled something to the effect of, “What is that creepy bug?!?” and immediately re-found the world’s best bug site:

What’s That Bug?

In a way, I hate this site because my skin crawls. But in another way I love it, because it really has helped me to identify some creepy bugs and (I’m batting 100% so far!) comfort myself with the knowledge that they are NOT dangerous. Just creepy.

Like this morning’s little buddy. Fred gave me a head start on the (genus? class?) after checking it out (and squishing it) by telling me it was a TRUE BUG.

(Fred used to collect and categorize bugs. A LOT. 4-H and state fairs and projects and whatever ... I saw some strange bugs on pins under glass when visiting his family during our courtship. My favorite EVER was an entry from 1977 or so that little Freddy B. had identified the location where the bug had been found as, “ON MOM”. Yup. That’s one cool mother-in-law. Can’t you just picture it? “Fred! Fred! Come quickly. There’s a cool bug on me.” "Coming, Mother!")

So after only a few clicks, I figured out that our visitor this morning is a Brochymena. Nasty looking (to me) but harmless (hooray!).

Here’s to hoping that your new year got off to a little less buggy start.

Back to hanging file folders, archival banker’s boxes, and my beloved shredder.

Yours,
Tara B.