considerable grace

Oooooh! It’s hard to see yourself in such a quote, isn’t it? But so good too–helps me in my continual goal of speaking LESS.

Courtesy of Pastor JollyBlogger:

"Long experience has taught me this about the status of mankind with regard to matters requiring thought: the less people know and understand about them, the more positively they attempt to argue concerning them, while on the other hand to know and understand a multitude of things renders men cautious in passing judgment upon anything new."

(Just received this announcement and asked for permission to post it for you all. How great it would be if one of you moved to beautiful Montana! )

———-

Director of Training Position Available

Peacemaker Ministries (PM) is an international ministry based in Billings, Montana that exists to assist and equip Christians and their churches to respond to conflict biblically. We are a team of thirty staff with a network of 150 Certified Christian Conciliators working together to encourage a culture of peace in churches around the world.

We are currently seeking an individual to join the Peacemaker Team as our Director of Training. This individual will provide direction and oversight for Peacemaker Ministries’ comprehensive training program and advance PM’s professional training curriculum from Conflict Coaching training through the Certification Program. In addition, the Director of Training will provide oversight for the scheduling of training events, as well as develop new methods and opportunities for the delivery of Peacemaker Ministries’ training of conciliators. The Director of Training will also collaborate with other staff members to promote and further the training of Peacemaking Teams and Networks, and work with our International Division to further our training in international settings.

The ideal candidate must demonstrate strong communication, curriculum development, management, and administrative skills. Applicants must be able to work in concert with others to achieve common goals. The ideal candidate will have successfully completed Peacemaker Ministries’ Certification Program, although candidates who have not completed the program but are willing to do so within 12 months of hire will be considered. A BA or BS degree is required for this position and applicants must be willing to reside in Billings, Montana. Education or experience in teaching in cross-cultural settings and a thorough understanding of adult education models and methodology, including distance learning, is preferred.

The Director of Training must have a broad understanding of biblical themes and biblical systematic theology as well as in-depth knowledge and experience in the application of biblical peacemaking principles to life experiences and their relationship with secular worldviews. Applicants must be able to endorse biblical peacemaking by affirming the Peacemaker Pledge and Peacemaker Ministries’ Statement of Faith, and be a member in good standing of a Christian church.

This is a full-time position with a generous benefits package, including:

- Starting salary of $48-52K per year, depending on experience
- 100% of health insurance premiums paid for employee and dependants
- Flexible Spending Account program
- Paid vacation and sick leave

For more information about this position, or to request an application for employment, visit the employment section on our website at www.Peacemaker.net or contact Jonathan Boll at jboll@Peacemaker.net or by phone at 406-256-1583 ext. 114. Applications for this position must be received by April 20, 2009.

Yesterday I felt as though I were in a holding pattern all day long. I teetered between diligence with my duties and complete slackerhood – and ended up, as usual, somewhere in between.

Towards the end of the afternoon, I did figure out one portion of my sense of being on the edge of something ...

Wednesday morning, we go to see a maternal - fetal specialist for our 22/23 week ultrasound and, well, I guess we will learn some information:

- Is the baby healthy? Are there any problems with his or her heart? Kidneys? etc. etc.

- Oh yeah! Is he a he or is she a she? One good camera angle and hopefully I’ll learn if I need to sell some pink stuff to be able to buy some blue stuff come this summer.

- Is my strong sense that we’re having a child with Down Syndrome just an inaccurate sense or has God been preparing me through a number of sources over the past few years (for example this amazing Mother’s Day photo album and my own denomination’s special needs ministry) for a new life adventure? (I keep thinking “Felicity” would be a sweet name for a little girl with Down Syndrome ...)

- Are we REALLY having a child this summer? Even with daily fetal movements, I still find the reality of us going back to life with a newborn to be one of those, “Really God?! For real?! Us?!” moments.

So anyway ...

It’s an interesting time in the ol' Barthel household. I’m thinking about projects to be working on ("Peacemaking Kids!"), gearing up for the giant sorting of baby clothes and baby stuff task that is at hand, enjoying having a five year-old who delights in reading “Momma and baby” to sleep for naps in the afternoon (and then sneaking out SUPER QUIETLY so as to not wake us up) ... and mostly, just taking things one step at a time.

(Oh! And Lili and I walked this morning–all bundled up, in between snowstorms. Exercising twice in one year? 'Tis amazing.)

Hope you enjoy your Tuesday–

Yours,
Tara B.

I was asked to jot down a few “thoughts on parenting” for an upcoming baby shower and this morning I thought, “Hey! Those might be a decent blog post.” So here you are.

1. Dr. Dan Doriani (Covenant Seminary) reminds us all that “parenting is simply big sinners helping little sinners.” I constantly think about this fact when I interact with Sophia—especially when she is being disciplined and tempted to despair. I know what that feels like! And just as my only comfort is Christ; and my only hope is Christ—the same is true for her. And I regularly remind her that I am right there, with her, in the battle.

2. After reading “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” (by Tripp) well before we ever had a child (a book, by the way, that we highly recommend!), Fred and I were convicted of the importance of helping children to understand that there are blessings in obedience and painful consequences in disobedience (because the way of the sinner is HARD). But when our dear friends, the Vowells, gave us the specific admonition to BE SURE that children understand this concept by age 2, that really got our attention and it really impacted how we raised Sophie from the start.

- By God’s grace, we were committed as a parenting team to helping her to see that authority is a GOOD thing and that EVERY PERSON is under authority (Mommy, Daddy, Pastor Jason ... everyone).
- We then helped her to see that “the way of the sinner is HARD” and “there are BLESSINGS that come in obedience.”
- Then we worked with her to understand that we all demonstrate our LOVE for GOD by our obedience to Him … and this includes obeying the authority HE has placed in our lives.
- We helped her to see that, by nature, NO ONE wants to submit or obey. We ALL have a hard time with this. But that’s why Jesus had to come and live and die and be raised again for us.
- So when she gets caught in those “MONSTER WANTS!!!!!!” (a “Young Peacemaker” term), there are painful consequences at times, and lots of gospel and grace at times, and usually a combination. (Just like in OUR lives.)

I have to say, having a child who, as a general rule, cheerfully obeys (because obedience is only obedience if it is “without delay, without complaint”), brings extraordinary amounts of happiness to our home. Sophie is so much more secure and joyful than the children we know who “rule the roost” and manipulate their parents by whining, arguing, pouting, and having full-fledged fits. Plus, of course, our family life is so much more pleasant. And most importantly, hopefully!, we are raising her in such a way that she will see as she grows older that true joy comes in glorifying God and not living in a way that glorifies self and indulges in what she wants just because she wants it.

3. When I interviewed a bunch of RMCC men for a baby shower years ago (memorialized in the “Dad to Dad” book in the RMCC library—you should check it out! it’s hysterical, and informative too), one of them responded to my “If you could do it all over, what would you change?” question with an answer something to the effect of, “I would have been more merciful.” And that has really stuck with me. It’s one thing to be diligent and faithful in parenting—especially about everything I said in point #2 about authority/submission/obedience. You need a plumb line—a standard; a clear cut understanding of what is right/wrong, God-honoring/not God-honoring. However, once that is established and the child KNOWS they have sinned, I would encourage you to seize many, MANY opportunities to be merciful. It’s an amazing thing to surprise your child with lavish mercy! To see them gasp as they realize that they are not going to have to pay the (justly deserved) penalty for their wrong? It is such a joy and such a wonderful opportunity to remind them of WHY you are showing mercy: “Because GOD is so merciful to ME every single day, over and over again. That’s why I am showing you mercy—because God is merciful to me.” I encourage you to be merciful.

4. We can’t overemphasize the importance of a bedtime routine—and especially encourage you to consider reading the Bible and doing Catechism every single night. It is amazing how quickly children learn God’s Word and solid theology with this simple routine. Fred and I are both extremely lazy people and we are shamefully inconsistent with many aspects of parenting. But for pretty much every night of Sophie’s life, we have snuggled, prayed, sung hymns and worship choruses, read the Bible, done Catechism, and read other books. It’s kind of like brushing our teeth and flossing now—it’s just what we do as a family (or, more often, especially on weeknights—what Fred and Sophie do as their special Daddy-Daughter time) … and we love it.

This morning when I woke up, my first thoughts were DARK:

1. I kept thinking of the mean words that an atheist wrote in a comment to our little “Books of the Bible” video:



I felt badly for him (what kind of person trolls around YouTube looking for Christian videos just so he can write mean words?). Plus, just the thought of how MEAN people can be on the internet (anonymous blog comments, flamingly rude emails meant only to attack and tear down) really got me down.

(Oh, and I deleted and banned the guy–so don’t look for his comment on the link above. I do the same thing when people use really bad language in our (relatively famous) Choza video.)

2. Thinking about people who are thusly extremely unkind got me thinking about the mini-wave of calls / in-person chats / blog comments / FB comments / emails that I seemed to attract this week which, even in their “didn’t mean to be hurtful” way were, well, challenging. Some were overt attacks. Most were simply normal life conversations that (even gently) pointed out areas of weakness, immaturity, even sin in me. Whatever the case, I saw (yet again) how far I have to go in this journey of sanctification and my focus began to be more and more on ME and so ...

3. All I REALLY wanted to just PULL THE COVERS UP OVER MY HEAD and NEVER come out and engage with life (especially PEOPLE) ever again.

Altogether now ... can you say MORBID INTROSPECTION? Because THAT was the word that was RINGING in my ears as I wallowed in the MUCK of my first thoughts this morning.

So what did I do? I prayed. I thanked God for being God and I asked Him to forgive my morbid introspection and proud self-focus. Then I asked for His help to change.

And guess what? Although I surely didn’t FEEL all that different after I prayed, God was SO gracious to help me to take two steps of simple obedience that DID help:

1. I actually got on our elliptical trainer and worked out for 45 minutes. You know. Once a year whether I need it or not.

2. I listened to the first lecture of Dr. Dan Doriani’s “Life and Teachings of Jesus” and WOW WOW WOW! What a JOY that was!! It was like being in Dr. Paul Jensen’s class again. It was SO edifying and interesting. (And, by the way, if you have a college-aged child or friend, especially if they are going to secular schools for undergrad and/or grad school–like I did–lectures like this are, I believe, REQUIRED to help them to prepare for the onslaught of, well, rude atheists who will attack every single thing they have ever been taught about Jesus, the Bible, etc. Not that all atheists are rude! But many are; and many are in academia; and if you’re not prepared–or if you don’t have a strategically placed BRILLIANT friend like I had in Dr. Jensen during those formative years–I would assume that it would be very easy to be led astray.)

So there you have it ...

From faithlessness and morbid self-introspection to a teeny tiny step of faithful obedience. All by God’s grace. All for His glory alone.

I’m so grateful that I’m not still in bed hiding under the covers.

There is grace for the day, friends! But if we focus on ourselves, our circumstances, or other people we will only ever despair.

May God help us all! (He does! He really does.)

Off to church now–
Sunday! The best day of the week.

With love,
Tara B.

I couldn’t resist popping over to a blog named “Somber and Dull” when TulipGirl referenced it in a post.

I’m glad I did! I’ll definitely give it some time in my “provisional blog reading” favorites and see if it lands in my (not too long) list of blogs I read regularly.

These two posts on President Truman and a man named Paul Hume were definitely worth the read:

Vision Beyond Emotion

The Value of a Team

Lydia Browback posted recently on women who are “EGR” – Extra Grace Required:

"One category of “widows and orphans” that’s easy to overlook is the socially poor. In one of my former circles, we referred to them as EGRs—extra grace required.

I look back on that now and cringe. What made us think that we weren’t EGRs ourselves? The very fact of the cross proves that we are. But what we had in mind when we used the term are those who make others uncomfortable by their lack of the social niceties–those who can’t talk about anything other than themselves, those who complain constantly about their problems but refuse to take the advice they so often ask for, and those who make a mess of their lives but blame it all on someone else.

We all know such people (maybe you and I are among them), and they are among those whom God calls needy. They are typically very lonely people because sooner or later they alienate everyone around them."

I added the emphasis in the last line because MAN! She nailed me on that one–I’ve been thinking a lot this week about women who do exactly that–alienate everyone around them–and who are, in fact, very lonely.

I encourage you to check it out.

TakeYourVitaminZ linked to a fantastic teaching by one of my favorite seminary professors, Dr. Dan Doriani:

The Life and Teachings of Jesus

I encourage you to check it out!

How fun to read C.J. Mahanney’s blog this morning (The To-Do Lists Are Never Done) because Sophia Grace and I were JUST talking about this fact yesterday when we made her little to-do list for the day (and one checkbox was left un-checked at the close of the day):



Now if I could only listen to my own counsel, eh!?

Fred and I are STILL trying to learn what one of my spiritual fathers taught and modeled for us so wisely and faithfully:

There is always more ministry to do. Go home. Get some rest. Spend time with your family. The needs will still be here in the morning and God will provide all we need to faithfully serve Him (and love our neighbor). Oh–and “faithful service” does NOT mean “burning OUT for God!”

TulipGirl quoted Tim Keller’s “The Prodigal God” today and it has me thinking, oh, about a zillion thoughts as I sit here playing/working with Sophia:

“Jesus’s teaching consistently attracted the irreligious while offending the Bible-believing, religious people of his day. However, in the main, our churches today do not have this effect. The kind of outsiders Jesus attracted are not attracted to contemporary churches, even our most avant-garde ones. We tend to draw conservative, buttoned-down, moralistic people. The licentious and liberated or the broken and marginal avoid church. That can only mean one thing. If the preaching of our ministers and the practice of our parishioners do not have the same effect on people that Jesus had, then we must not be declaring the same message that Jesus did. If our churches aren’t appealing to younger brothers, they must be more full of elder brothers than we’d like to think.”

Tim Keller, The Prodigal God

Oh! How I pray that my life (and my church!) will be consistently appealing to “younger brothers.” (And will help us “elder brothers” too!)

Prayerfully–
Tara B.

We decided NOT to go and see the opera “Carmen” this morning because we had a BIG spring snowstorm come through. Remember the front porch where I took Soph’s Easter dress picture? This was the change in only a few HOURS:



Montana weather is so strange! Our tulips and daffodils are quite rugged to pull through these spring snows.

Oh well. At least SOMEONE enjoyed the day:



Our friend also sent us a cute picture of Soph from our church’s Variety Show. Finally! I got to see how her hot pink tights and cowgirl boots looked:



Hope your day was a blessed one!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... we just have the coolest, able to sew ANYTHING, Grandma Chris and she has (yet again) blessed our socks off with a (twirly and swirly!) beautiful Easter dress / dress for Sophie’s baby doll / purse:



It is, to quote Sophia, “Exquisite!” What a gift.

Hope your Wednesday is going well too–

Smilingly,
Tara B.

A friend of mine (and a wonderful Christian conciliator and professional counselor), Dr. Andrew Selle once shared with me a few brief thoughts on friendship.

He actually had another page of material on the topic that he gave me, but for now I will share just a few lines with you with the hope that we all might be thinking about how we can grow even more God-honoring, gospel-proclaiming, REAL friendships today:

What is a friend like?

- CONSISTENT: You are there for your friend. Consistency which is borne out of commitment.

- HONEST: You are honest with your friend for friend’s own good. A friend can give constructive criticism, and is also willing to take it.

- VULNERABLE: You are able and willing to risk losing the good feeling of being “liked” in order to truly love your friend. In marriage, friendship means being “naked and not ashamed”– i.e. willing to be transparent with one another, even though it feels risky.

- BRINGS BLESSING: Friends bring deep affirmation. “I see and rejoice in what God is doing in you. And I also see the sins, but I love you in spite of them.”

A good start when thinking about friendship, don’t you agree?

I’m off to my 22 week prenatal appointment now ... here’s hoping for a nice strong heartbeat!

Happy Wednesday–

Yours,
Tara B.

I can only respond with a hearty, “Me, too!” to this IX Marks post:

I Feel Like Such a Wimp

David Powlison had a great quote over at the Sovereign Grace Blog:

“Those who lack friends to open themselves unto are cannibals of their own hearts….This communicating of a man’s self to his friends works two contrary effects; for it redoubles joys and cuts griefs in half.” (Francis Bacon, “Of Friendship,” 1625)

My pastor, Alfred Poirier, often reminds us of these truths and calls us to genuine, authentic friendship (the “one anothering” of Scripture).

I am praying that even today I will BE a friend and GROW even just one or two friendships a little more in grace and intimacy. For it really is not good to be alone.

Blessings on your Tuesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

We made it home around 11PM (1AM for our bodies). Travel was uneventful–but Saturday night was most definitely NOT.

Poor Pastor Jason must’ve contracted some sort of food poisoning because he was up ALL NIGHT vomiting profusely. I really didn’t think we’d be able to travel home Saturday afternoon/evening (I was mentally trying to figure out where to take him for I.V. fluids and what hotel to book him into for Sunday night that was close to medical care) ... but by God’s grace, we were able to travel AND get home. I was SO happy he could be back with his family and NOT sick on the road any more.

Today was full and busy–but I’m a happy Momma Tara back with the pack, doing domestic diva tasks. (Even though Lili chewed a fairly significant chunk out of Soph’s Suzuki Violin Book today when I forgot about her PAPER ADDICTION and left the book in the car. Oops.)

Hope your Monday was a blessed one! Lord willing, I’ll be back into more normal blogging routines starting tomorrow.

Yours,
Tara B.

I really enjoyed this post over at Christ is Deeper Still:

When Opposed and Reviled

It’s only one paragraph–but it’s definitely worth the read.

So ... do you remember a post I put up last week about how I felt after learning that Sophie wasn’t invited to a friend’s little birthday party? A little bit of freaky-Tara-immature-wacked-out-emotions came out AND a little bit of godly-growing-in-grace-faith-and-love came out. Overall, no biggie.

(But it sure COULD HAVE BEEN, in a different situation, eh? One mom feels hurt because her child is not included in something special. Offended by the slight, she pulls back out of the relationship and puts distance between the children AND the families. “Oh! SHE didn’t invite my child to THAT party. WELL! I guess WE won’t be inviting them to OUR party next summer.” And so on and so on and so on, it grows. And destroys relationships. And breaks unity.)

BUT NO. That DIDN’T happen in this situation. By God’s grace, I went, “Oh! Little awkward but what can you do? Not every child can be included in every fun adventure. No biggie.” We just let it go.

AND THEN WE FIND OUT TONIGHT (DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!) that, in fact, Sophia WAS invited to the birthday celebration. Classic! There was a purple balloon for her and cake too. She was invited through a friend (who was watching Sophie when Fred and I were out of state) and she DECLINED the invitation on our behalf–assuming that having been apart all week, we would rather be together as a family than go to a party. So she declined the invite and then forgot to mention it to us.

Classic. Totally Classic.

In this situation? No big deal! The invitor is gracious above the pale and I am quite sure was the first one to presume charitably and lovingly as to what was best for everyone (not just her comfort and the success of the shindig). The decline was given gently and lovingly with a good explanation (Soph has been sick and hasn’t seen her mother in five days; probably best if she just stays home.) The beloved Birthday Girl DID have special celebrations and gifts and was honored and loved.

And at the end–we are friends. Our children are friends. There is grace.

And oh oh oh! I am REJOICING that God constrained me to NOT OVEREACT and go back to the dark place of self-condemnation and despair. AND to not overact by presuming uncharitably about the situation (“She ONLY disinvited Sophia because she doesn’t LIKE Sophie and she OBVIOUSLY doesn’t want to be her friend any more!! Well!! We’re show them!!”) But instead to take a breath, get some perspective, and lovingly move on.

I am such a grace junkie!!! Every day. I am more and more desperate for the grace that is mine in Christ Jesus my Savior.

But now my head is starting to spin so I must sign off–

God bless you!
Enjoy your Sabbath tomorrow!

Your friend,
Tara B.

We just finished our afternoon peacemaking training and we’re about to start the marriage retreat.

What a JOY it was to spend time with the leadership of this church! What an honor. Their love for God and the Church–and their interest in biblical peacemaking reminded me of this article by Ajith Fernando.

Hope you enjoy!

Yours,
Tara B.

———-

LEADERS AS IN-HOUSE PEACEMAKERS
by Ajith Fernando

I have found that one of the most important roles of leaders is to be “in-house peacemakers,” that is, to lead in solving unity problems within the group they lead. This priority is seen in the high priestly prayer of Jesus when he prayed asking that his disciples be one so that the world may believe (John 17:11, 22). Paul also expressed this priority when he said, “complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind” (Philip. 2:2). Something of his joy was gone when believers did not dwell in unity. So he urges them to become one again. Later, using emphatic language this time, he says, "I entreat Euodia
and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord" (Philip. 4.2)

WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT FOR LEADERS
I can say that in my over twenty-six at my job, maintaining unity among the YFC leaders has been the most demanding challenge I have had. A dear friend of mine, who is both the CEO of a bank and an Assembly of God pastor, once told me, “The most important task of a leader is to keep the team united.”

Leaders are essentially enablers: they enable others to do the work that takes their group/church forward. Few things hinder the forward march of a group as much as disunity within the group. It causes emotional and spiritual exhaustion. Despite its great cost Christian ministry is a gloriously exciting work that thrills the heart of the minister. What more exciting thing could one do than to be carried along by the fresh wind of the Spirit. But disunity grieves and quenches the Spirit. Rather than being joyously carried along by God’s Spirit, we have to grind out our work through sheer human effort. That is exhausting. And, working without joy, we become irritable and lash out at people, especially those who we think are not working as hard as we are. Through that we lose our spiritual credibility and also struggle with the guilt that accompanies these outbursts. Toil, guilt and anger with colleagues are a sure formula for burn-out.

So disunity must be confronted the moment it emerges and dealt with as a matter of urgency. I think this is one reason why we leaders end up so tired (smile)! Disunity has a nasty way of surfacing when we are most busy! We could lay aside the peacemaking role by saying that we are too busy and tired. That is what many of us do, but the consequences of this neglect are terrible. Like Jesus and Paul, leaders must take the first steps in initiating a discussion when even a hint of disunity is sensed. We may end up tired, but the unity that results gives us the freedom of the Spirit. I would any day take on tiredness in exchange for this loss of the freedom of the Spirit. When we are free, we are joyful, and joy is perhaps the most wonderful treasure one can have on earth. “Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” (Psalm 133:1).

Of course, we must try and catch up on the rest we lost as a result of the peacemaking effort (This is what I will try to do in a few minutes!). When we neglect rest we break a law of God and therefore that neglect should be classed as a sin.

Doing my part to foster unity in YFC is an area in which I have failed often. And most often the reason for my failure has been that I have not considered a problem that surfaced as urgent when it really was urgent. The reason for my neglect is that when I find out about the problem I think, “That is a minor matter,” and because I am very busy and terribly absent minded, it just slips out of my mind. A few days (and sometimes weeks) later I find that the hurt person is still hurt over the problem and is now also hurt with me because I have not done anything about it even though I knew about it. If something we consider a minor matter causes a member to be hurt, and thus jeopardises the unity of the group, that issue immediately becomes a major matter. After so many years of ministry I still keep making this error regularly. In fact, that is what prompted me to write this article! (By reading this you have become privy to a confession!!).

WHEN MEMBERS LEAVE US
Let me also say that I think one of the hardest times in the life of a leader is when a member of our group leaves unhappily. Actually it is one of the hardest times for the whole group-the potential for the rest of the team to become demotivated and discouraged and discouraged at such a time is immense. We may think that this person is totally wrong in his or her attitude. But we are leaders, and that means that when these angry people came to work for us we took on the responsibility of shepherding them-of looking after them. The fact that they are now mad at us does not take away our shepherding responsibility. In fact, it shows that this project of
looking after this particular member has seen some failure.

We must do all we can to salvage the situation. And one of the things we can do is to ensure that the one leaving us is on the path to healing from the pain resulting from involvement with us. One key to healing is telling us what they feel. They had spent their years and their energy working with us, and now it is very hard for them to leave unhappily. They should be given the opportunity of telling the full story of why they are leaving. If we have strong personalities we could overwhelm the sharing persons by responding to their accusations so strongly that they are at a loss for words. We can avoid an embarrassing and humiliating situation that way, but we don’t help to heal this person’s wounds. We have acted selfishly.

The commercial world has recently discovered the value of the “exit interview.” It is a pity that the church has not caught on to that yet. If they have not had an opportunity to unburden themselves by telling us what is on their mind, those things will remain as a festering wound that could cause severe bitterness and severe spiritual and ministerial crippling.

They will go to their next group with unhealed wounds which will erupt when touched. Often the result is that very soon they leave their new group too. They become “evangelical grasshoppers”-and what a common phenomenon that is today!

I can tell you that these exit interviews can be devastating to the leader. Perhaps you have tried hard to be fair, but this person views you as having acted very unfairly. But if it helps in the recovery of the angry member, then it is our duty to take on the devastation in love. After all, that person’s vulnerability and uncertainty, as he or she goes in search of a new group, is often more serious than our pain. Besides, does not the good shepherd lay down his life for the sheep (John 10:11)? Dying-experiencing pain, inconvenience, tiredness on behalf of those we lead-is one of the primary callings of Christian ministry.

THEOLOGY-DRIVEN PEACEMAKING
Through these many years I have had numerous conflict situations both in family life and in the ministry. During those times there have been three important theological principles that have given me hope and encouraged me to persevere, even when the going has been really tough. It is our theology that gives us the courage to do the tough things that the biblical lifestyle demands of us, even though emotionally we may not be inclined towards doing them.

This is a key point, because our so-called post-modern generation has been described “as an instinctually stimulated generation where people prefer to feel than to think” (Laurence Wood). Now this feature of society may influence our evangelistic styles, but our lifestyle and decision-making must always be theologically (that is, biblically) driven. Some are saying today that this “Biblicism” is simply a part of the evangelical heritage from the so-called modern era and that it can therefore be modified. We cannot do that because this is the way of life that God’s Word prescribes for us (2 Tim. 3:16-17). So this is an area where we Evangelicals must be counter-cultural. Not to be Bible driven in our decision-making is to be syncretistic.

It looks like I have got caught up in a digression, but it is an intentional one. I believe the reason why the Evangelical church today is lazy about striving for peace (Eph. 4:3) is that she is not skilled in the art of having the Bible overcome natural fleshly inclinations such as the inclination is to avoid the unpleasantness of confronting disunity.

Here then are the three theological principles.

1. What unites us as members of the body of Christ is much, much more powerful and influential in determining our actions than what divides us. Ephesians 4:4-6 says that what unites us is the motivation to being eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit (4:3). This theological motivation causes us to approach the problem with confidence even though the conflict may be huge.

2. Because God is sovereign over the affairs of this world, however serious the problem, he is able to turn it to good if we let him. So we work with believing that good will come out of this if we are obedient. Because unity is the will of God, it should come into our reckoning when we think of the goodness that will come out of the conflict.

3. However deep the hurt, we know that God’s love is greater than that pain and than the unkindness that caused it. This gives us the courage to forgive those who have hurt us and to strive for reconciliation rather than to strive to win the immediate battle. We can win the battle to retrieve our wounded ego and lose the war for kingdom principles. True success is measured not from temporary triumphs in individual battles but from the triumph of the agenda of the kingdom. It is sobering to note that this agenda encompasses every member of the body of Christ, even the one who is now our enemy.

Are you a leader? Then devote yourself to in-house peacemaking. Be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephes. 4:3).

Strong language again from Paul! This is urgent business in the Pauline understanding of ministry.

Ajith Fernando
Youth for Christ, Sri Lanka

GREAT GREAT stuff over at The Young Peacemaker Resources Webpage.

Ken Sande’s assistant, Kris Hart, forwarded me the link and I’m so glad she did! I hope it is a blessing to you too.

G'nite,
Tara B.

I’m about to hit the hay and try to get some sleep before our crammed-full-weekend of non-stop training begins.

But before I do, I just wanted to take a moment and reflect on how precious our family’s friendship is with Pastor Jason and Kristin Barrie (and their three wonderful children too!).

How WISE our church leaders were to recruit Pastor Jason to join our staff and so beautifully complement our senior pastor’s strengths and weaknesses. And how BLESSED our entire body is as a result of Pastor Jason’s ministry to us.

But tonight, in particular, I am reflecting on all of the times–over and over again–when he COULD have EASILY given up on me (and would’ve been justified in doing so!) ... but he didn’t.

Looking back on the start of our friendship / pastor-sheep relationship, I know (because he gently told me once) that “I was hard to love.” And I’m sure I was! But he persevered.

Over the years, he has counseled me at my highs and my lows–and my lows have been LOW. Spinning core of the earth LOW. Wretched sin. Flaked out unbelief that forgets God. Fear and anxiety and GRIEF that cut my chest open and then really went to work hurting me.

And then there was Pastor Jason. Being my shepherd AND my friend.

As my husband Fred says, “Pastor Jason is simply one of the most tangible graces of God in our entire lives.”

AND THEN? I get to travel with him all the way to the east coast and upgrade him too? (I love getting to upgrade him into First Class! Fun fun!) We get to get lost together (every time we travel out of state! and we even paid for the “Neverlost” thingy–fat lot of help it did!). We get to talk and laugh and, OH! How I pray that I can be even a tiny encouragement to him.

He is such a great man. I see his wife’s gifts and heart and intellect and insights bathing him all the time in everything he does.

I’m just so glad to be under his ecclesiastical authority AND to get to serve him as he takes the lead at this marriage retreat. I can’t wait to be under his teaching again–oh, and yes, to try to do my best too of course.

Yeah-rah for our pastors! Especially pastors who treat women as full disciples; celebrate their strengths; and help them to plug into the local body so that they can SERVE and LOVE.

I am a blessed woman. And a tired woman. So I’m going to sign off now.

Sending you love from New Jersey!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ...

Our final schedule is set. Handouts are done and have been sent to the event coordinator. And in the morning, my pastor and I will leave for New Jersey to do our first marriage retreat.

I can’t wait.

Even just doing final prep with Pastor Jason this morning was such a thrill–his passion for Christ and his strong gifts in applying the gospel to REAL LIFE (especially in marriages) are simply off-the-chart. I LOVE that we are approaching a marriage retreat from a gospel perspective (instead of “10 Steps for Better Communication”, "3 Things to Improve Your Romantic Love," etc. etc. like all of the marriage conferences I’ve ever been to in the past).

I pray that God will help us! And that these dear men and women will be encouraged to believe the promises of God (which are all YES! in Christ).

If I have internet access, I’ll try to be in touch–but in addition to the retreat, we’re training the staff of this church on Friday (basic peacemaking) and then Jason is preaching two services on Sunday and I’m doing a women’s Sunday School Class ... so needless to say, time will be short.

If I don’t surface for air again before next week, hope you have a great weekend!

Yours exhaustedly but happily,
Tara B.

PS
In addition to finishing all of the event materials, Sophie and I had SO much fun today making a “worms in dirt” dessert. Sophie actually picked the recipe out herself, did all of the shopping (including self-checkout scanning), read all of the instructions, organized the ingredients, and put it together step-by-step. The only thing I did was plug in the electric mixer.



SO FUN! Grace grace grace.

Talk with you soon–tkb

I’m sure this is WAY more Barthel family than any of you would really ever want to see, but in the interest of helping those of you who would LIKE to stay on top of your family’s photos but instead find yourselves falling farther and farther behind with each passing year (and each new group of thousands of digital photos) ...

Here is a link to our family’s photo album for 2008.

I did it on Picaboo and I LOVE Picaboo. It’s extremely easy to use and I spend pretty much NO time doing it each year (especially compared to the WEEKS I used to spend–AND DREAD!–surrounded by photos, scissors, and double-stick tape).

My album is SIMPLE (many of you would say boring, I’m sure) – but it’s done. By March. And for those of you who WANT to add cute “corners” on your photos and snazzy, well, EVERYTHING to the pages, Picaboo gives you the option of going as detailed and (I would say CRAZY) as you like. You can even add MUSIC.

But I never want to do that. I just want to have SOMETHING that I can hold in my hands and flip through with Sophie on my lap and enjoy. (And, by the way, the quality is FANTASTIC. The photos are stunning and the linen cover and binding are first rate.)

Here are some other things I REALLY like about using Picaboo:

- Every time I’ve ever made a book (and I’ve made other books in addition to our annual family photo album ... special books for Scout & Sophie, Aunt Kali/Uncle Fred & Sophie, etc.), I have ALWAYS found a “buy one get one FREE” coupon online.

- The “buy one get one free” coupon means that I make a copy of our family album for SOPHIE each year and that way, she can look at it, play with it, and I don’t have to worry about keeping our “real” album in top condition.

- If (God forbid) our house ever burnt down, we wouldn’t lose all of our family’s memories from the year.

- The “share” feature allows me to email my parents and sister a copy of the album as soon as I am done with it so they can enjoy the photos too.

- Picaboo works LOCALLY on your computer until you’re ready to upload (one time!) and buy the book. I LOVE this feature because it means that I can work from airplanes, coffee shops, a friend’s home and I don’t have to worry about having a live internet connection or wait a zillion hours for things to upload every time I add a photo or adjust things.

No. I don’t get any commission from telling you all this. And I don’t work for the company. Really!

I just enjoy the product and wanted to share it with you.

Oh, and if it helps you for organizing purposes, I always download my photos from my camera into subdirectories by date. So I have a “2008” and a “2009” subdirectory, for example, and then each year has each month (01 January, 02 February). So when I’m ready to do my scrapbook, the photos are already in order and I just go through each month, pick out the best ones, put them into a scrapbook subdirectory, load them into Picaboo, drag & drop, add a few captions, and PRINT. Pretty much one long day of work (including in front of a video with Fred) and I’m done for the year.

Hope this is a blessing and help to some of you!

Yours,
Tara B.

PalmTreePundit linked over to this and Fred and I just laughed & laughed & laughed:



(And, yes, we ate Chik-Fil-A twice on our most recent trip and every day of our time at the Children’s Hospital in Aurora, Colorado in January. )

Wow.

Amazing list over at IX Marks:

Seventeen Things That Seminary Never Taught Me

What a great reminder to pray for our pastors.

I’m in the thick of it getting ready for the marriage retreat that Pastor Jason and I are giving this weekend in New Jersey – so I only have a minute.

But Fred brought home our family photo from last summer and I thought you might enjoy seeing it, so here you are:



Hope your Tuesday was a blessed one!

Yours,
Tara B.

Ergh!

A silly, unimportant situation at church yesterday TOTALLY flashed me back to junior high school and MAN! I did not expect to feel this way ...

All that happened was that one of Sophie’s little friends had a birthday and, apparently, invited over a couple of girls for cake, balloons, etc. etc.

OF COURSE the rational, mature, intelligent SMIDGEN of me said, “No big deal. You can’t invite every friend over for every celebration. Eek! I just wish I had remembered to send HER a birthday card.”

But then there was this tiny little, immature, bound by the Fear of Man, JUNIOR HIGH GIRL part of me that said, “What?! She had a birthday party and didn’t invite Sophie?! I bet it’s all because of ME–that I’m such a wacko. Oh poor Sophie! Linked to crazy ol' Momma Tara for life. Poor poor child. I’m sure I’ve just RUINED HER LIFE. If only I were a better mother ...”

Aren’t we a tragically flawed, oft' messed-up lot–we human beings still stuck here in this battle with the Old Man?

It’s just crazy the way our emotions can take us down a rabbit trail that leads to unbelief, selfishness, pride, and a complete lack of love for God and neighbor. (I’m sure that my three hours of sleep and pregnancy hormones didn’t help the situation–but still. No excuse. Just repentance.)

I actually chatted with Sophie about the whole situation as we cuddled in bed today. I reminded her that we probably wouldn’t be able to have a birthday party for her this year (because of finances), but that we might be able to do something special with one or two of her friends. Then I asked her how her OTHER friends might feel–having to be left out from the celebration.

“Probably a little sad,” Sophie said. “But I bet they’d understand.”

Yup. I bet they would.

(And hopefully their mothers won’t have any flashbacks to the big hair and neon colors of junior high in the 80’s. )

Heading to bed now–

Hope your day was a blessed one!

Yours,
Tara B.

Our elders and deacons are working hard to help us all to become more aware of, and involved in, mercy ministries in our local community of Billings.

So you can imagine how excited I was to attend Pastor Randy Nabors' workshop on Mercy Ministries last week. (That link actually brings you to his church’s website and a page filled with essays he has written. I can’t say I’ve read them all! But I hope to and I thought they might give you even more insights into these important topics.)

I took THIRTEEN pages of notes from his workshop because he just DRIPPED with love for God, neighbor, AND WISDOM based on DECADES of ministering in an inner-city church that is committed to integrating “middle class” Christians and “poor” Christians. Let me share just a few highlights with you:

- Pastor Nabors was raised by a single mother in the housing projects of Newark, New Jersey. He was told, “You are a statistic. You’re from a broken home. You live on food stamps. You have NO future.” BUT JESUS SAVED HIM. And then the church came around him and his mother and intentionally entered into their lives.

- Currently, their church has over 1,300 people in attendance every week at three services. They have a thriving college ministry wherein they “DO NOTHING” for their college students. No special class. No special attention. They just call the college students to GIVE THEIR LIVES AWAY for Christ and there are so many ministry needs that the students do exactly that. (And then many go on to found churches, ministries, work with the poor, etc.)

- Pastor Nabors entitled his workshop, “The Babylonian Exile of the Middle Class” and asked us all to consider HOW DID WE GET SO FAR APART? He argued that we middle class people MUST integrate our churches with the poor and NOT rely on “professionals” and “heroes” in inner-city ministry because a few “heroes” will never be able to make the impact needed in our cities.

- Most of us middle class Christians are untouched by what is happening in our cities because it doesn’t spill over into our lives. But there is a hard-core CATASTROPHE happening in the inner-cities. People need us, yes. BUT WE NEED THEM TOO.

- Prosperity has many tendencies: Affinity (we want to be like the people who are like you; it’s easy to communicate and you all know the social rules); Avoidance (we avoid inconvenient people who don’t have the same culture as us; we tend to do “drive-by mercy” and send people down the street to the Salvation Army).

- Poor people have their own problems: Provincial (tightly bound in geographical areas and cultural norms; prejudiced against learning new things); Locked-in (live on the edge; no props; no escape boat; no margin).

- There are obvious hindrances to doing mercy ministry: Accessibility (no public transportation); Acceptability (racial/socio-economic “unacceptable” to us); Dysfunctional (we’re just like ‘em but we hide it better and “look normal”); Dangerous (Pastor Nabors and his wife joke about writing a book entitled, “Murders I Have Known.”); Inaccessible Teaching (how do craft Sunday school materials that appeal to the highly educated members of your church AND those who are functionally illiterate?).

- We are called to be MOTIVATED TO MODEL AND MENTOR. For most of the inner-city children who come into your church, they will ONLY EVER see a functional, happy, stable marriage and family during church. They won’t see it at home or in their schools; they don’t see it on t.v. Patient instruction and modeling plus humility and teachability equals TRANSFORMATION.

- WHY WE NEED EACH OTHER: The poor need help/resources and relationship modeling. The affluent need CREDIBILITY. (“Jesus loves you.” REALLY? How many non-Christians look in the windows of our churches and see our good works and praise our Father in Heaven? NOT MANY.)

- PRACTICAL TIPS: Must have both salvation AND discipleship (socialization/social skills too; we don’t just put our inner-city kids in with our church kids or else all they do is BEAT UP our church kids; first we teach them, mentor them, disciple them … THEN they come into the church). Relationships are everything. Interpretation is necessary for integration (constantly explain to people WHAT is going on and WHY we are doing it this way—part of our vision / mission / values). Intentionality must be RENEWED (people love our integrated our church is but they have NO idea all of the CHOICES we have made to get here; we don’t deny our differences but our UNITY IN CHRIST IS GREATER). Intervention prevents abuse (neither side is allowed to abuse the other). Celebration must replace patronization.

Oh oh oh! I have so far to go in my own heart. And our family does too. And our church.

May God help us to live mercy!

And thank God for Pastor and Mrs. Nabors and the incredible (truly THE most hospitable church I have EVER been in) ministry of New City Fellowship, Chattanooga.

Yours gratefully,
Tara B.

Wow! What an encouragement.

I was clicking through to check in on my favorite bloggers and look what I found!

Something I’m Hoping to See the Ladies of FBC Use

Pastor Anyabwile is such a churchman! I am humbled and honored by his post.

(But also a little nervous–I hope that his wife and he LIKE the series! )

Soph’s cold is getting worse, so we’re staying tucked under blankets all day long. What a grace to be home AND to have a Golden who likes to cuddle too.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

Pastor Alfred is continuing his sermon series through Genesis and this morning’s was, as usual, a tremendous encouragement and reminder of the gospel.

I could retype the entire sermon for you, but instead I’ll tempt you with just a few of the points he made and encourage you to visit our church’s website if you’d like to hear it for yourself:

- God’s covenant is sovereign. Unilateral. One-sided. God prescribes the promises and practices and He never changes His mind. (Tara’s note–What a comfort!)

- God’s covenant is eternal. Everlasting. Just as Galatians 3 reminds us, all of the promises given to Abraham have now been given to us. Our human relationships may end/break, but GOD’S never does. God is going to stay by you forever and ever.

- God’s covenant is a covenant of grace. We may be tempted to “barter” with God and “be better.” But God knows us even better than we know ourselves! We cannot hide. But He says, “Come to ME!” This is grace.

- Our security is not based on the weaknesses of our character or the strength of our faith. Our security is based on God’s sovereign grace.

Amen!

What great reminders to start our week–

Hope you enjoy your Monday! I need to track down Sophie’s Kiki (blankie) and pick up the resources I need to ship for the discounted orders from my two events last week. Then I’m going to tuck Soph back into bed (we’ve been cuddling and reading books in bed ALL day because she has a VERY, VERY bad cold, poor love) and do some packaging. Once that’s squared away, I hope to send out all of the emails with the links people requested and THEN turn my attention to our marriage retreat this weekend in New Jersey.

Whew! I am one tired Momma Tara. Guess that’s why I’m back to not sleeping well again. One more week to really push hard and then my schedule should even out again with primarily domestic diva duties.

Sending you my love!

Yours,
Tara B.

I have never done this before–and I’m not sure that my friends would want me to post this information, so I’ll be sure to keep their identifying information out of this post.

But I’ve been meaning to write for a few months now to ask if any of you might know of a PCA church that would benefit from a extraordinarily winsome, humble, brilliant, godly associate pastor.

Our current intern (we have interns every year as a part of our ministry to the greater Church) is one of the strongest I have ever observed. His sermon series have been biblically faithful, gospel saturated, solid theology with practical application for life–all delivered with grace and poise far beyond his young years.

Plus, he brings with him a highly gifted and loving wife who is a true asset to his ministry to the Lord and His Bride.

I know that many churches ONLY want pastors with years and years of experience–but sometimes, a young person can really grow with even just one year of the RIGHT experience (working with elders and deacons to learn what biblical peacemaking, biblical counseling, and redemptive church discipline look like in REAL LIFE; actually preparing and preaching through entire sermon series with detailed feedback from our senior pastor, teaching Sunday School classes and facilitating small groups, etc. etc.).

So anyway–if you’re looking for someone to come alongside your staff and be a blessing to your ministry, please please drop me a note and I’ll try to introduce you both.

Hoping to get back to sleep now–
It’s so great to be home! Even if only for a few days.

Much love,
Tara B.

We made it home! Our bodies think it’s almost 2AM – but we’re so happy to be home, we don’t care.

Apparently, Sophia Grace made it through her fiddle song at our church’s variety show this evening (hooray!) and we can’t wait to hear all about it tomorrow:



Hope you enjoy a restful and God-centered Sabbath!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
She was the FIRST performer of the ENTIRE show (eek!) and obviously a little nervous. Plus we were told she was missing us (this week was the longest we had ever been apart!)–so the tempo is pretty slow. But she’s a sweetie pie and I thought you might enjoy the link–so here you go:



This was her a few weeks earlier just having fun one night at home with the same fiddle song. If you’d like to see a happy kid REALLY fiddle, this is the version for you:

Well ... our day was exhausting and wonderful and we went to bed grateful for all of God’s gracious provision and loving care.

(You might notice I said to bed–NOT to sleep–because here I sit. Again. Wide awake next to my soundly-sleeping, beloved hubby. Oh! That I could ever sleep as quickly and soundly as he does. But I guess we’re just WAY to different for that to ever happen.)

The highlights of my day were getting to pray with a wonderful, eclectic, diverse group of people in the early morning prayer time before my plenary session. They were so precious!

And then having to TAPE the wireless mic ONTO my very pregnant belly was, well, not so much a highlight, but it was something and we got it done (hooray!), but Fred and I were laughing at the absurdity of it. (What else can you do when the little belt clip has been broken off of the microphone and MATERNITY pants have NO pockets–well, unless you count the BIG “pocket” of stretchy material in the front to hold, you know, a BABY.) So hooray for duct tape! There is simply nothing it can’t do.

Fred’s case study was WONDERFUL and then his standing room only workshop was such a blessing to so many people. I sat right outside of the room (b/c I didn’t want to take up space since they had completely run out of chairs and people didn’t even have space to STAND)–so I could get him more copies and just be there to support him and cheer him on.

I was SO proud of him! He held up the glory of the gospel in such real-life practical ways! And how he shared about our little church was so Christ-centered and humble. It was a really helpful and edifying workshop. Hooray Fred!

And Hooray God for giving us the grace to serve.

It takes SO much effort and energy for we two introverts to interact with hundreds of people who want to talk, ask questions, weep with you over conflicts and hurts, seek your counsel on such important, life-changing issues. Wow! You just can’t help but feel the weight of the importance of even our tiny efforts to serve and love well.

We really try to lay it all out–pour ourselves out–to serve. And then we get back to our room and CRASH. We are wiped. Fred is so wiped that he’s sound asleep. I’m so wiped that I’m not. We are strange and different in so many ways.

Hopefully I will teach OK tomorrow morning and then we’ll get to give away $200 worth of peacemaking resources (fun fun!), enjoy a few minutes of the final session, but then have to leave a little early for the LONG drive back to Atlanta. If we can return our rental car and make all of our flights, we might be home as early as 1AM.

Oh! Oh! Oh! I am physically CRAVING my love bug Sophie bear! I miss her SO much!!
Plus, I learned that she got a cold today! So doesn’t THAT just make you want to get home and cuddle in together and veg out in front of a fun video!!

PLUS she is playing her fiddle song in our church’s variety show tomorrow night (we won’t be home until 1AM at the earliest–so we’ll miss it for sure) ... and I’m nervous for her! I hope it goes OK!!

Lord willing, she will be wrapped in my arms soon and I’ll be kissing and enjoying her she’ll be giggling away telling me about all of the adventures from her week.

I’m really excited to write some blogs on the things I am learning at this conference. There are so many opportunities to grow in serving through mercy ministries! Fred and I are excited and motivated to see what doors might open for us and for our church members too.

But right now? Since I have less than five hours before I have to be awake and able to teach–I think I’d better sign off and try to sleep.

Hope you are all happily sleeping away, wherever you may be!

THANK YOU FOR PRAYING FOR US!!! God is so gracious to us and the feedback seems to be that we were faithful in lifting high the gospel and that some of the people have been helped, encouraged, and blessed. So that thrills us!

All you can ever do is your best, right? Well, we did try our best. And now we have to let it go.

And so I shall.

Here I am signing off and letting it go and thanking God for a good day–

Sending you my love!

Yours,
Tara B.

I attended a wonderful workshop on special needs ministry and the church and I hope to share my notes with you one of these days (if I can pull myself together!).

But in the interim, I encourage you to click to this website and SCROLL DOWN to the bottom of the page and watch one of the videos. (One is 10 minutes long and the other is 20.)

They are professionally made and well worth your time!

Hope you enjoy–
And hope they might encourage you to think even more intentionally about how your church might integrated people with disabilities more purposefully into the life of your church.

Sending you my love!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... I tried my best to present a new teaching this afternoon in a sensitive, biblically-faithful, honest, gospel-focused way:

Persevering with Grace When our Leaders Let Us Down: As wonderful as headship is (and it is wonderful!), our leaders are not perfect. No matter how hard they try, their leadership of us will always be flawed. They may misunderstand us, take offense at something we do or say, or simply not like our personality. In their fallenness and sin, they may actually wrong us intentionally. Often, they hurt us most deeply by their neglect—they fail to give us the proactive attention and care we long for. So how do we respond? And how do we lead other women who are hurt by our leaders? This seminar will explore some practical ways that the gospel enables us to persevere with grace when our leaders let us down.

I have to tell you ... I was shaking in my Keds as we got started.

What a hard topic to try to tackle! What suffering was represented by the women in that room! (Either their own suffering or the suffering of women they know, serve, and love.)

The pain in the room was palpable. But so was the grace.

We talked very honestly about the extraordinarily painful suffering that women often face as a result of conflicts with their leaders–and yet time after time, these dear women were affirming the goodness and sovereignty of God, how merciful He is to them and how they are called to give that same mercy to others (even to leaders who hurt them so terrifically).

I was SO honored to be with these women! And we just barely scratched the surface of this topic.

- How it is always a shock when we’re hurt by a Christian—all the more so when it’s someone in authority over us (who is supposed to protect us and not wound us).

- That we are not responsible for the things done TO us, but we ARE responsible for our response. (Because whatever this leader has done, it is only the occasion, NOT the cause of our response.)

- Sometimes we make idols out of even good things—like being treated well by our leaders. And we sin when we don’t get what we want! An act of punishment, a demand for vengeance, or lasting bitterness always reveals the presence of an idol.

- I encouraged them all to read Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s latest book, “Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom” because it is a profound book on bitterness and forgiveness.

- Our leaders are in progress too. The doctrines of justification (2 Cor. 5:21, once and for all, already perfect) and sanctification (Phil. 2:13 & 1:6, Rom. 8:29, an ongoing process until we reach Heaven, growing in perfection) apply to leaders too.

- Most of the time, we will be called to suffer well and persevere in these difficult and painful relationships. But sometimes, we will need to move out from under corrupt and unrepentant authority.

- When helping people in this painful situation, there is often a tendency to point a finger at the person in the weaker position rather than sin and/or immaturity of the leader. But it is not enough to only confront the weaker partner, we also need to confront the leader.

There was a lot more to the teaching, of course. But I need to sign off now–so I’ll share the two quotes that ended the workshop.

The first was from Ligon Duncan and Susan Hunt’s wonderful book, “Women’s Ministry in the Local Church”:

"If our ultimate motivation for service to God is simply because we love people, we will never be able to sustain the call to service that God has given to us because the very people we are called to serve will break our hearts. It is only the grace of Christ that enables us to persevere."

And I gave the final word to D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones:

“I say to the glory of God and in utter humility that whenever I see myself before God and realize even something of what my blessed Lord has done for me, I am ready to forgive anybody anything.”

Amen!

And thanks, dear women at this conference. I appreciated your patience as I fumbled a bit walking through a new teaching AND your deep love for God, His Word, and His Bride.

Signing off now and hoping to get some sleep–

(Baby started kicking last night around 3AM! It was SO STRANGE–wonderful, but strange. I guess since it’s been over five years since I felt that feeling, I just wasn’t ready for it. But wow! What a good thing to be woken up by.)

Sending you my love,
Tara B.

Fred and I just did a little random-number-generation and Kathy W. is our WINNER of FREE biblical peacemaking materials from the women’s leadership conference where I am currently speaking.

I’ll drop Kathy an email now to let her know–but please note that I might not get to email the rest of you until after my service at the NEXT conference is over and I (Lord willing!) make it home around 1AM Saturday night/Sunday morning.

Congratulations, Kathy!

And much love to all–

Yours,
Tara B.

Wow! What an encouraging email I received today from one of my favorite authors, Elyse Fitzpatrick.

She has reviewed my video series (The Peacemaking Church Women’s Study–Living the Gospel in Relationships) and endorsed it! What a grace.

Here is what Elyse wrote:

"It’s with overwhelming joy that I can highly recommend “Living the Gospel in Relationships” from Tara Barthel and Peacemaker Ministries. I am recommending these teaching sessions not only because they beautifully avoid the moralistic strategies so common in our me-centered churches but because she connects our struggle for peace to the only source of peace, the one who is called the Prince of Peace. The gospel of Jesus Christ is not only for new believers. It’s for every one of us who longs to love our neighbor and yet falls so short everyday. Only when my love for others is motivated and impelled by responsive love for Christ can I say that I’m loving as he loves. And only the gospel makes me do that. Thanks, Tara, for reminding me again. We love because he first loved us."
–Elyse Fitzpatrick, Author of “Comforts from the Cross: Celebrating the Gospel One Day at a Time”

(Just when I was tempted to think, “What am I DOING even TRYING to serve/encourage women with my tiny little efforts at speaking events, through my writing, or on this blog?! Maybe it’s time to get OUT of the biz entirely ...” And then such an encouraging note arrives. Maybe I’ll keep trying for a little while longer, eh? )

Hope you’re all having a lovely week–

Yours,
Tara B.

Just a quick note to let you know that Lilikoi is doing great–hooray!–and we’ll hopefully be off for our events in the morning. (Snow and ice might delay us a bit, but we’re hopeful that we’ll make it out OK.)

Hope you’re all doing well! I’ll try to write more if I get any time–but not having a laptop on my flights means that I can’t be nearly as productive.

Blessings and joy,
Tara B.

So we had a bit of a time settling in for the night.

We changed the bandages, checked the bleeding (it was slowing down), cleaned it, put on more triple antibiotic cream, rebandaged it, and bagged it for her last shee-shee run of the night. She wasn’t too fond of the bag, but she did her business and limped back inside.



Then we tried her dog collar to, ostensibly, keep her from chewing at the bandages ... but she just couldn’t settle down and find a comfortable way to sleep. So for 20 minutes, she just went nose to nose with me at the side of my bed.



(I swear that if dog eyes could talk, they would have epic messages to convey.)

So THEN we took off the collar and I have just been in hypervigilant, listening for every shift and sound, momma-ears-on-full-alert mode all night long. I don’t mind! I’m just glad that she’s on her bed next to me and I can (hopefully) keep her from chewing at the bandage while simultaneously reaching out and comforting her anytime she shifts or makes any sounds.

She even scruff-scruff-THUMPED her way downstairs with me right now just to press under my legs and I love that too.



I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get to sleep soon because I am really, really tired. BUT FIRST I thought I’d let you in on my (huge, painful) “AH-HAH” as to WHY I was SO freaking out when everything happened.

Even at the time, I knew that my wave of fear and freaking out response was WAY out of proportion to the situation ... but I just couldn’t figure out WHY my heart was so extremely troubled and I didn’t know HOW to fix it.

Until 3:30AM. Lying in bed. I began to see clearly why my heart was CRUSHED by those drops of blood and smears of blood on our floor ... it was because the very last time I ever saw our first Golden Retriever, Choza, she was at the vet’s, incredibly, incredibly sick, and I got to go and see her.

I was all alone in the room with her and she was DESPERATELY sick. She had been at the vet’s for three days and they did not know what was wrong with her. She was getting progressively sicker by the hour and they reached a point where they had to do exploratory laparoscopic surgery just to TRY to figure out what was going on and if they could save her.

So I only got to see her for a few minutes. (They said if I had stayed any longer, she would’ve put all of her energy into GOING HOME WITH ME rather than getting well, so I had to leave. I wanted to stay with her ALL NIGHT LONG in her kennel! But they said that she would have NO chance of recovery if I did.)

And in the last few minutes, she began to lose blood from EVERYWHERE. (Sorry to be so graphic.) I was terrified!! I didn’t know what to do!! SHE was terrified and SO scared and SO alone. Her eyes said to me, “Why is this happening? Why can’t you fix this? Please take me home! I am hurting and scared and all alone! Please help me!”

And there was NOTHING I could do.

The drops and smears of blood were there and then they took her away and I NEVER SAW HER AGAIN.

And THAT is why I am sitting here weeping in the middle of the night. It’s not about my dog’s cut paw–that’s a sad thing, but she’s really doing OK.

It’s that those drops of blood reminded my heart and mind of a TRAUMA that I experienced and for whatever reason, God is now bringing it up OUT of my subconscious mind and allowing me to GRIEVE IT.

That’s often how grief works, isn’t it? Something unrelated TOUCHES that deep hurt and at first we don’t understand what is happening. But then it becomes clearer. And then it becomes PERFECTLY clear. And then we name it. Feel it. Experience it. Grieve it. Share it. Bear it. And move on.

I was devastated when Choza died. I loved her so much! She was such a canine friend to me. I simply could not have imagined the first two years of Sophie’s life without Choza. She was like a great aunt–always present with me; helping me; giving me someone to talk with as I transitioned out of working outside of the home fulltime and into being home with a newborn fulltime.

Choza ADORED Sophia and was her constant companion and protector and friend. Choza was perfect around children and has earned and maintained the #1 Google hit for “The world’s most patient dog”:



And my heart’s pain TONIGHT was only a little bit about my sweet Lili having a sore paw. I am very hopeful that we will get her the medical care she needs–wound check, maybe an antibiotic shot, maybe some vet kenneling while we’re gone this week so that they can keep an eye on it. I am trusting and hoping that she will be fine.

Mostly, I was just re-grieving the loss of my first Golden and dealing with the tiny bit of PTSD that flashed into my heart and mind when I saw those drops of blood on our linoleum.

Big breath now. Everything is OK.

I’m going to have a glass of milk and try to get back to sleep now.

Thanks for letting me process all of this outloud with you–I really hope it helps me to sleep now.

Sending you love from your tired friend,
Tara B.

Well ... I’m trying to be more like Fred and NOT freak out ...

But we just found big, huge drops/smears of BLOOD all over our kitchen floor, living room carpet, back stairs, back landing, etc.

!!!

Apparently, Lilikoi cut her paw on a sharp stick (Soph went into super sleuth mode to see if she could figure out what cut Lili’s foot in the back yard and she found the culprit) and man! Did Lili cut the pad of her paw.

I held her and applied pressure while Fred cleaned up the blood (I was TOTALLY sick to my stomach at a) all of the blood and b) my poor little pup curled into my lap) and now we’re in the clean it / disinfect it / put antibiotic on / see if the bleeding stops / see if we’re making an unplanned late night trip to the vet mode.

Oh oh oh! Blood all over the floor and a sweet, pretty much CLINGING to me pup is NOT what I planned for my night. I really hope the cut isn’t as bad as it seems.

Oh, and I really hope I can NOT freak out. Fred is such a calm little son of a veterinarian (no euphemisms intended–he really is the son of a vet). I need to be more like him.

Back to petting my fuzzy little one while we get our other little one down for bedtime.

G'nite!

Yours,
Tara B.

In order to prep for my “Persevering with Grace When Our Leaders Let us Down” workshop (that I’ll be giving in Chattanooga on WEDNESDAY!), I am deep into pruning 80+ pages of notes down to 20.

(Eek!! Eek for the fact that these conferences are HERE this week and EEK that I still have so much work to do!!)

In the middle of my outlines, I found notes from a conversation I had years ago with my friend and spiritual mother (who happens to be YOUNGER than I am–but who is SO wise).

She was helping me because I was in a real spiritual funk (depression?) and one of her points was that I was not submitting to God and living in step with my current roles in life. I wasn’t content! And so I was turning to various sins to “escape” my unhappiness.

Over time, I had grown used to my sin. Whether it was anger, bitterness, escapism … I was used to it and it just felt like it would take WAY too much energy to ever change.

At that point in my life, I didn’t even remember what it felt like to have a dream and goal and purpose. I couldn’t remember what it was like to be happy.

I was sinning and it was tearing me in two.

Thankfully, my friend helped me to see how my MISERY was a sign of God’s covenant-keeping CARE!

Quoting Kris Lundgaard’s (wonderful!) book, The Enemy Within:

“Believers are the only people who ever find the law of sin at work in them. Unbelievers can’t feel it. The law of sin is a raging river, carrying them along; they cannot measure the force of the current, because they have surrendered themselves to it and are borne along by it. A believer, on the other hand, swims upstream—he meets sin head-on and strains under its strength.”

She reminded me that the biblical response is repentance and the hatred of sin:

- Admit sin
- Be confident that God forgives sin
- Put your faith in the finished work of Jesus!

God says to us in Ezekiel 18:22: “None of the offenses he has committed will be remembered against him.” Ephesians 2:4-5 reminds us that “God who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions.”

God’s forgiveness is not a begrudging forgiveness. It is his NATURE to forgive!

"The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin." Exodus 34:6-7

Your sins, no matter how big, are NOT bigger than God’s pleasure in forgiveness.

And then my friend prayed for me:

“Father, Tara has sinned. Again. Change needs to happen in her life. But it would be unjust for you to condemn her because you would exacting judgment twice for the same sin—from Christ, Tara’s Advocate, and from her.

Please help Tara to believe what she knows to be true: when we confess our sins, God is faithful and JUST to forgive us our sins (1 John 1:9). Jesus has already made atonement for her sin. He is her righteousness."

And she closed our conversation by exhorting me to NOT read the Psalms and say “This is what I should be doing but I’m not.” But instead to say, “This is what God is doing in me too. These things are possible for me because David’s Redeemer is MY Redeemer. He is my God as well.”

Psalm 32 ... “Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him ..."A good word, eh? And a good friend.

Thank God for grace!

Off to make my hubby and muffin some lunch and then get right back to work–

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
If I had to guess, these notes are probably ALSO a mixed combination of notes I took from some fantastic CCEF books and Pastor Alfred sermons too. Just wanted to mention this in case I’ve inadvertently quoted Ed Welch. Again.

Between Two Worlds linked to a great David Powlison article and I encourage you to check it out:

Desire 101: Putting First Things First

Just listen to a few of the questions that are asked (and answered):

- How can you tell if a desire is inordinate rather than natural?

- Doesn’t the word lusts properly apply only to bodily appetites: the pleasures and comforts of sex, food, drink, rest, exercise, health?

- Can desires be habitual?

- What about fears? They seem as important in human motivation as cravings.

- In counseling, do you just confront a person with his sinful cravings?

- Can you change what you want?

Lots of good recommendations and links over at IX Marks:

God’s Will and Guidance

I was chatting with my best friend Samara quite a bit this week. It was her birthday, so that gave me lots of excuses to call. Plus, the PCA church plant that they participate in has been prayerfully looking for a location to host them and I wanted to know an update on how things are progressing and how we can continue to pray.

Plus, of course, I just LOVE to chat with Samara at any time about any thing because she is such an interesting and fun friend.

In our call today she totally had me roaring with laughter at myself as she asked how I was feeling about my workshops and plenary next week in Chattanooga and I replied with my standard response of: “I’m not where I wanted to be in my prep; I sure don’t feel ready; I’m trying hard! But I still have a long way to go.”

Even before the words were out of my mouth, I started to laugh as I asked her if I had EVER said ANYTHING different about any speaking event, Christian mediation case, conflicted church intervention ... any anything that I was trying to prepare for.

Have I ever even ONCE said something like, “Well. Yup. I think I’m ready. I’ve got everything I need good to go. My packing is done. My handouts are copied and packaged up. Speaker notes are filed and tabbed and I’m 100% ready and I feel really very good about it all.”

Samara just laughed and laughed and laughed as she replied, “Uh. No. I can’t say that I’ve ever heard you say anything even remotely CLOSE to that.”

So then it hit me that MAYBE I just need to LAUGH at myself and GIVE MYSELF A BREAK.

Work, pray, be diligent? ABSOLUTELY!
Seek counsel, seek help to improve, seek oversight? YES!
Listen, change things, listen more, change even more? You bet!
But then? LET IT GO.

Do your best, beg for God’s help and mercy, and let it go.

That’s where I’m at tonight. And I am hopeful that I might even get to sleep! Oh, oh, oh glorious sleep! What a gift that would be.

Soph was such a trooper getting her FOUR vaccination shots for being such a big girl 5 year old. What a gift of God’s grace that we can access those vaccines and hopefully protect her from such AWFUL diseases.

Holding her on my lap as she said, “Persevere! Persevere! Persevere!” quietly under her breath when she started to get scared right before the shots were administered, I was overwhelmed with praying for the millions of mothers who would give ANYTHING to be able to protect their beloved children from these devastating diseases. Oh oh oh! How blessed we are–even down at our little “free clinic” (where shots are only $12/ea, thank God!).

Now she’s free until her teen years–except for flu shots. We are BIG flu shot proponents around here. I hope we never miss 'em. They have saved us from a LOT of sickness and a LOT of misery.

Mmmmm ... I’m really rambling now. Must be my very tired brain.

I’ll close by wishing my best friend and beloved sister, Kali, and HER FRED a happy, happy, BLESSED Wedding Anniversary today! I hope that you are having a wonderful weekend celebrating together!!

Oh, and I’ll also close by telling you that Lilikoi ATE soph’s vaccination RECORD when it was folded and resting IN MY PURSE in the car. I had run in to get soph from a playdate and then we were going to head to the clinic ... but suddenly I had NO RECORD!!! Thankfully, I called and they said that they could easily print me out another one (hooray!) but can you believe that puppy? She’s a paper eater!! (Even around FOOD ITEMS that I would’ve thought would’ve been much tastier. Nope! She left THEM and ATE my immunization record.) Too funny. You just gotta laugh.

Hope your Friday was a blessed one!

Big day tomorrow–much to do. I pray that you enjoy a lovely weekend!

Yours,
Tara B.

I’m no technological whiz or anything ...

But when “the shop” that has had your laptop for OVER A MONTH talks about replacing the motherboard (on top of the other, you know, three SIMPLE things that were supposed to be fixed initially that THEN became five more because they apparently installed the new CD/DVD drive incorrectly and the whole thing overheated, blah blah blah) ...

Am I right in assuming that a) I am NEVER going to get my laptop back; and b) even if I do, it’s just not going to work very well?

Hmmmmm ...

Oh well, there are a lot worse things in life, right?

I just can’t believe that I might have to actually travel Tuesday-Saturday next week AND the following Thursday-Sunday SANS LAPTOP. Even just the thought of it feels SO strange! What will I do? Will I just walk past the password sign in the WorldClub without even glancing at it? Are there people in the world who actually DO that? No webcamming with Soph? No catching up on emails (sorry to everyone who is waiting on a long overdo reply from me by the way!)?

Could I possibly have a carryon that doesn’t way a thousand pounds because it is chock-full of things to-do (all requiring a laptop of course)? Would I read? Have actual real-life interactions with people in 3-D?

Strange strange strange.
AND PATHETIC that it’s even this strange for me, eh?

Oh! How grateful I am for God’s love and the love of my family and a few friends who don’t just roll their eyes and walk away when the “real” me comes out – but instead, they love me and help me to be the woman God is calling me to be.

(Because I surely would’ve given up on me a LONG time ago!)

I’m in the zone this morning to finish all of my speaker notes for next week–it would sure feel GREAT to have them printed out and tucked away. Then, onto handouts and laundry and packing. One thing at a time, right?

Sending you my love and hoping you are doing well!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Please do continue to keep frequent commenter here and PeaceGals moderator “Ruth M.” in your prayers. She has a new update on her CaringBridge site to help you to pray more specifically. Thanks! – tkb

TakeYourVitaminZ linked over to an interesting article by Craig Groeschel entitled, “How to Be Sure Your Small Group Ministry will Fail”.

I cringed and laughed and resolved to talk about them with Fred as we continue to (strive to) lead our small group well. Consider just a few:

Make sure the senior pastor isn’t in a group. If small groups aren’t modeled by the pastor, they won’t have much of a chance for success.

Make sure the senior pastor doesn’t talk about small groups. If small groups don’t ever find their way into a sermon, it will help reduce the likelihood of success.

Make sure small groups are not staffed or resourced properly. To guarantee your groups fail, don’t staff them, buy them curriculum, announce them, or get your best volunteers involved.

Make sure small group leaders aren’t trained. When you do get some small group leaders, don’t train them. Let them figure it out on their own.

Make sure the church doesn’t address childcare needs. Pretend like all small groups don’t have any child care needs. Don’t open the church one or two nights a week to provide child care. Don’t pay for childcare like I’ve heard North Point does. Ignore childcare needs completely.

Make sure the church doesn’t have a small group vision or philosophy. Let people do whatever they want without any direction or oversight.

Make sure not to require staff members to be involved. If your staff (or key leaders) isn’t in groups, that will help keep others from being in groups.

Make sure you never make small groups a membership or partnership requirement. Be a low-expectation church. While you’re at it, don’t ask people to serve, pray, witness, or give sacrificially either.

Even in the long dark and cold hours of insomnia, I can think of many blessings. Two of which are the sweetness of my Golden Retriever who never lets me head downstairs alone (but who does fall asleep on top of my feet after looking at me with those, “Really? Awake? Again? I’m SOOOO sleepy” droopy dog looks) AND the fact that I get to catch up with the amazing links that Jess posts over at Making Home.

Consider just one ... recently she pointed us to a great post by Ray Ortlund on “one anothers” that aren’t in the Bible:

"Humble one another, scrutinize one another, pressure one another, embarrass one another, correct one another, corner one another, interrupt one another, run one another’s lives, confess one another’s sins, disapprove of one another . . . ."

Well said, don’t you think?

I wonder what else you would add to the list of NON-biblical “one anothers”?

4AM. I’m going to try to sleep again soon–

Good morning!

Your friend,
Tara B.

I hope your Wednesday was a blessed one–

Mine was full. It is late. I still am not sleeping well (Monday night I slept from 4-5AM and that was IT!) and I’m WIPED.

So without any links
or pithy sayings
or even any reflections on the highs and lows of my day–

I wish you goodnight! And hope to be back serving you a little better tomorrow.

Your tired, slightly grumpy for no reason at all, AND simultaneously grateful friend,
(am I WEIRD or what?!)
- Tara B.

This has been on so many blogs lately, I have no idea who to credit–but I finally took the two minutes to watch it. Definitely worth the time.

I’m working hard on my teachings for next week (thanks again for the prayers and encouragement!), but took a quick break to get some food and check in on some blogs.

Tim Challies had a bunch of links worth checking out today, but one in particular seemed apropos to my current task at hand:

Ten Questions to Ask to Benefit from a Conference or Special Event (by Don Whitney)

How I pray that my tiny offerings of these workshops and this plenary address will be God-glorifying, edifying, and helpful/encouraging even in some small way.

Hope your Tuesday is going well!

Yours,
Tara B.

Between Two Worlds recently posted a link to someone’s live blog of “the spirited exchange on February 21 between Alvin Plantinga and Daniel Dennett–two premier philosophers on opposite sides of the spectrum on naturalism–at the Central Division of the American Philosophical Association.”

If you like to read theology, philosophy, and especially the philosophy OF theology, you’ll enjoy this exchange quite a bit:

An Opinionated Play-by-Play of the Plantinga-Dennett Exchange

I’m more familiar with Alvin’s (brilliant) brother Cornelius Plantinga, but I sure would love to read more in this topical area.

BTW–If you’re interested in a VERY readable book that analyzes naturalism, the first one I ever read was by one of my heroes of the faith, Prof. Phillip E. Johnson: Reason in the Balance. (His Darwin on Trial is also fantastic and VERY readable.)

Ray Ortlund posted some thoughts on repentance over at "Christ is Deeper Still" and I’d love to hear your thoughts:

"If your brother sins, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him." Luke 17:3

How should we repent when rightly rebuked? In four ways:

1. “I was wrong.” Plain, honest, no evasions.

2. “I am sorry.” Brokenhearted, realizing the damage done.

3. “It won’t happen again.” Rebuilding trust for the future.

4. “Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” Performing deeds in keeping with repentance (Acts 26:20; Matthew 3:8 ).

“And let us be in earnest, not as fencers but as warriors.” Thomas Watson, The Doctrine of Repentance, page 122.

What do you think?

I actually have a tiny struggle with number 3 because at least in my experience, for most of my sins and struggles, I can be pretty much sure that it WILL happen again. So I would think something like this might be more accurate:

"By God’s grace, I REALLY want to do everything I can to CHANGE so that this never happens again. I am going to take these steps (X, Y, Z ...) to help me to not do this again. And if you ever see me struggling in this way, or if I ever do treat you this way again, will you please come to me and help me? I really don’t EVER want to do this again."

For a different take on repentance, TakeYourVitaminZ just posted a Piper video:



I particularly appreciated what Pastor Piper said about how introspection can be wise up to a point–but that if we are ONLY introspective, we will DESPAIR.

It is only as we look to CHRIST and look and look and look to Him, we find that His greatness and glory and power and love and righteousness and sufficiency awaken SELF-FORGETFULNESS in US and a hearty, “YES!” to HIM. And with our hearts fixed on the Cross, on Christ Himself, HE is our assurance.

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:19-25

God bless you as you face the challenges of this day! May we all run to Christ–for HE is FAITHFUL!

Your friend,
Tara B.

Oh! Did Sophie NAIL me yesterday.

She was exceedingly gracious and respectful–BUT the substance of what she said was SO spot on that I just burst into nervous, self-reflective, cringe-inducing, oh my STARS I’m such a mess, rolls and rolls of LAUGHTER.

The situation was a, well, tense conversation with Fred. We weren’t mad at each other and we weren’t yelling. We were just in the middle of an HOURS-LONG discussion about a complicated financial tracking question that we were trying to figure out (having to do with our medical savings account, Quicken, our family’s “close out the month” spreadsheet, etc.).

In the middle of our conversation, Sophie came over to me and very gently, very respectfully said:

"Mom? I just don’t think it’s very gentle when you say SO WHAT YOU’RE SAYING IS THAT WE HAVE TO DOUBLE-ENTER" ... ETC. ETC. ETC

And she said it in my EXACT tone. I mean, it was Meryl Streep as a five year old EXACT, SPOT-ON tone.

And (of course) she was right. It was in no way gentle and I really DID need to tone it down.

But first, I had to stop laughing and that took awhile. I just couldn’t stop laughing. It was all just TOO accurate a reflection of my sin-sick heart.

Thank God for grace! From Him. From my husband. From my darling daughter who is so quick to forgive (over and over again).

“Be careful little eyes what you see” indeed!

I’m so grateful that the Father IS looking down on love–all the time! Regardless of my behavior! That His love doesn’t waver based on my performance–or else? Who could stand? Surely not me.

We’ve had a restful and lovely Sabbath here and hope that you can say the same. (I’m actually typing this as Sophie is fiddlin' away on a chair next to me. She’s just experimenting with different tones, scales, changing the key of different songs. It’s great. What a blast.)

Here’s to a happy and blessed Monday!

Sending you my love–

Yours,
Tara B.