considerable grace

Our friends let us borrow their tandem bike add-on thingy to see if it might work for Fred and Sophia and WOW! Did they love it:



Now we’re keeping our eyes peeled for a used version that we might be able to acquire this summer.

(I promise to be back to “real” blogging one of these days ...)

It was another full day in real life here in the ol' Barthel home ...

Our day started early with the (wonderful!) high school graduation breakfast at church. (As a deacon, Fred is invited to attend even though our children are 18+ years away from high school graduation. This being the fact even though we are, you know, the SAME AGE as the people whose kids are graduating from high school. Boy are we OLD to be having babies!)

It’s tradition in our church for the fathers to introduce their children and it’s quite a fun, encouraging, and pathos-laden time. (So many tears! Especially because Ken Sande’s daughter graduated this year and wow! If you haven’t ever heard Ken Sande speak and CRY, you probably haven’t ever really heard him speak. He has a very tender heart for an engineer and lawyer—especially when it comes to his family.)

Then we ZOOMED over to a rummage sale to help raise funds for our friends who are working very hard to adopt a baby from Ethiopia. (Oh how I can’t WAIT for the day when their baby is in their arms and their two sons have a little baby brother or sister who formally was abandoned as an orphan. Hooray for families!)

Then we ZOOOMED BACK across town to bring Sophie to her first “big girl” (i.e., drop off the child and LEAVE the party – way harder on the MOM than the “see you later!” child) birthday party.

Time at home to play with a friend (Soph), mow the lawn (Fred), and talk with my beloved sister (me) while closing out the month (reconciling Quicken and savings/cash on hand and what we owe, etc. etc.).

Before we could blink, it was bed time!

I hope your day was full and blessed too.

Oh, and the reason for the title of this post? Fred and I keep chuckling quietly to ourselves over the ONLY scene in the movie “Up!” that made Sophie cry. It was when the dog, Doug, was scolded.

"Bad dog! Bad dog! I’m not your master!"

It was just too much for our love-bug to handle.

Blessings on your Sabbath tomorrow—

Much love,
Tara B.

Isn’t it a great day when real life is so full that you don’t have time to blog?

(Well ... in the interest of full disclosure I will tell you that the REAL reason I didn’t have time to blog isn’t fun at all. I actually spent an hour and a half this morning at the Birth Center where Ella is scheduled to be delivered in eight weeks because that little bug stopped MOVING yesterday. And having gone 48 hours last week without her moving regularly and getting a STERN lecture from our nurse and a CLEAR COMMAND to go in immediately if her movements decreased again and she didn’t respond to the “drink orange juice, lie on your left side, and count movements” test, in I went. She was fine! But I know that with our increased risks (the charge nurse also repeated the GO RIGHT IN lecture with even MORE reasons to do so), it was the right thing to do. Still ... my early morning / before everyone wakes up time to blog didn’t happen this morning. But back to the fun stuff ...)

Fred turned 39 today! And we celebrated by going to see the movie “UP”:



And by baking a little cake:



(Oh! And the BEST NEWS of our birthday celebration was learning that Cap'n Dave and Auntie Pat’s TWIN GRAND-DAUGHTERS ARRIVED SAFELY! They are TINY, but breathing on their own. A “healthy” 2 lb 9 oz and 3 lb 5 oz. Oh how we are rejoicing that God answered our prayers for their safety with a “Yes!”)

Yesterday (while we were in the baking mood), we also made some cookies for Ella’s “baby party” that Sophie wants to throw. (She was sad that Ella doesn’t get a baby shower or any presents, so she wants to have a little party so that Ella feels welcome and loved.)



AND (amazingly!) we found MATCHIES for Sophie and Ella – on CLEARANCE no less! (I was SO wishing I could SEW because we really love getting to do matching dresses and I can’t believe we found some.)



(Purple if Ella is 0-3 month size at birth and Blue if she is 3-6 month size at birth like good ol' 10 lb Sophie was. I have 60 days to return the one that doesn’t fit and Ella’s coming in 59 days. So we should just squeak by ...)

One last photo from our week ... Our friend’s beautiful daughter arrived Monday morning and Sophie got to hold her Wednesday night. She doesn’t look very excited about it, does she?



Hope your day was fun & full too—

Sending my love,
Tara B.

I think I mentioned to you back in March how much I appreciated the woman who heads the Special Needs Ministry of our denomination (Steph Hubach). I attended one of her workshops at our Mercy Conference and learned a TON–especially how “disability” has been re-defined over the ages:

- From “abnormal in a normal world” (historical/medical)
- To “normal in a normal world” (post-modern)

But that the Christian definition really is "normal in an abnormal (fallen) world." Because we are all disabled to a certain extent.

Well, I immediately sent her this link because WOW! What a beautiful picture of the Body of Christ it provides:

The Best Graduation Party Ever

This Urban Servant blog is amazing to read. I am just such a lazy woman of such little faith–I am so grateful for grace ... AND for women like these who are transparent in their struggles, willing to share their wisdom and experience, and always pointing to the Lord.

Blessings on your Thursday!

Love,
Tara B.

Tim Challies pointed us over to this list of Ten People a Pastor Should Fear and I particularly liked the one with the “Danger Will Robinson” comment.

Yeep!

(Take it all with a big grain of salt ...)

Soph finished her little kid gymnastics classes and this summer starts the “real” gymnastics classes (that are divided by skill level, not age). Fun stuff!



Memorial day photo …



Today she dressed herself up at a PILGRIM and spent the day doing all of her many “chores” (pretending to wash the laundry and hang it out / taking care of the animals / sweeping). Note her “stockings” (i.e., Fred’s sweat socks):



Our new zoo animal popsicle molds were a hit!



Hope your having a great week too!

Love,
Tara B.

Do you remember the scene in Harper Lee’s book, To Kill a Mockingbird, when a mob of angry men suddenly turned into themselves (usually more sane and careful men) simply because a little girl (Scout Finch) began to call them by name?

I was young when I read the book (I should re-read it!), but I remember thinking how it was almost like they came to their senses and stopped being just an amorphous BLOB, simply by being reminded of their names—who they truly are. (And also, of course, by being called out by a little girl who knew them. They couldn’t hide in anonymous group rage in the eyes of someone who had grown up with them.)

Well ... on a much smaller level, I had a similar experience earlier this year when a friend began to talk about a certain group with a lot of hurt (and maybe even anger) in her voice. “THEY always do such-and-so ...” and “THEY never think about us and our needs ...” and “THEY only want to be in their little group because THEY don’t care about us ...”

I could tell that something was going on deep in her heart, so I was careful as I visited with her. But the bottomline is that over the course of her conversation, I helped her to actually see that “THEY” were really five people who she would readily acknowledge are ALL her friends. People who care about her; DO think about her; and really do make efforts to serve her family.

There are still some hurts to work through, of course, but what struck me most was that “Radley Porch Effect” of how it was impossible for her to see clearly (with wisdom and love) when people were lumped into an anonymous, amorphous, BLOB.

But her heart did turn around, even just a little, when we started talking about real people. By name. With accurate details about who they actually are and what they actually think and feel.

Oh that God will always help us to walk with wisdom and love—and NOT throw people away into “groups” and “causes” that keep us from loving God and loving neighbor.

Blessings on your Wednesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Margaret Manning has a great article in today’s RZIM Slice of Infinity:

The Prosperity Drug

I encourage you to check it out!

We’re heading to our Memorial Day services in a few hours and I just wanted to post our THANKS and HONORING of all of the brave men and women who have made the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom.

We could never repay the debt we owe to their families and to them.

I do hope that you are praying for our troops and that you will take time today to honor them all – the living and the dead.



"Let no vandalism of avarice or neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations, that we have forgotten, as a people, the cost of a free and undivided Republic." John A. Logan



"The dead soldier’s silence sings our national anthem." Aaron Kilbourn

Our Saturday was a quiet day spent mostly at home. (I ran to the store to stock us up a bit on groceries, but otherwise we were simply together at home.)

Fred and Sophie slept late. I, of course, even after getting up my normal six or eight times in the night, was still wide awake by 6:30AM because that’s just the way I’m wired.

I love the cool, fresh, early morning air and I curled up with a book that I’ve tried to finish four or five times over the last few years, but never did. Until today.

Yes, I’m happy to report that I’ve completely knocked off a novel (I don’t read many novels) and now I don’t have to see a partially read copy of Peace Like a River silently condemning me from my bookshelf any more. (I felt a little guilt every time I saw it because I hadn’t yet finished it.)

My dear friend LOVED this book and so highly recommended it that I bought it. And it was OK to read (I did finish it after all and many books I literally just give away or throw away if they are REALLY bad). But it wasn’t really my style of writing. Maybe I’m just too concrete / too much of a lawyer-brain for the prose of this author. I don’t know.

But hooray! I read the book off and on during the day; inside and out; early morning and late hours; in between pancakes, lots of reading out loud to Sophie, helping Fred in the yard, cheering Sophie on the Slip-n-Slide, putting her flowers in a vase, playing Gopher It and Stare! and Find It (all played in bed, as a family, so I could lie on my side because MAN! Ella is wonderfully and uncomfortably active), throwing Lili’s favorite ball, making lunches, and watching Fred install our new printer and put our flag out for Memorial Day.

A quiet day indeed. Didn’t do a lick of cleaning–although the house would’ve been better off if I had. Didn’t really “accomplish” much. What an accomplishment.

Hope you have a restful Sabbath!

Yours,
Tara B.

DesiringGod Ministries posted an interesting interview with Paul Tripp this week and his response to this question, in particular, gave me pause:

What is the greatest hindrance to cultivating community in the American church?

"The first thing that comes to mind is frenetic western-culture busyness.

I read a book on stress a few years back, and the author made a side comment that I thought was so insightful. He said that the highest value of materialistic western culture is not possessing. It’s actually acquiring.

If you’re a go-getter you never stop. And so the guy who is lavishly successful doesn’t quit, because there are greater levels of success. “My house could be bigger, I could drive better cars, I could have more power, I could have more money.”

And so we’ve bought an unbiblical definition of the good life of success. Our kids have to be skilled at three sports and play four musical instruments, and our house has to be lavish by whatever standard. And all of that stuff is eating time, eating energy, eating money. And it doesn’t promote community.

I think often that even the programs of a local church are too sectored and too busy. As if we’re trying to program godliness. And so the family is actually never together because they’re all in demographic groupings. Where do we have time where we are pursuing relationships with one another, living with one another, praying with one another, talking with one another?

I’ve talked to a lot of families who literally think it’s a victory to have 3 or 4 meals all together with one another in a week, because they’re so busy. Well, if in that family unit they’re not experiencing community, there’s no hope of them experiencing it outside of that family unit.

We have families that will show up at our church on Sunday morning with the boys dressed in their little league outfits, and I know what’s going to happen. They’re going to leave the service early. Now what a value message to that little boy! Do I think little league is bad? I don’t think it’s bad at all. I think it’s great. But they’re telling him what’s important as they do that.

You can’t fit God’s dream (if I can use that language) for his church inside of the American dream and have it work. It’s a radically different lifestyle. It just won’t squeeze into the available spaces of the time and energy that’s left over.

And I’m as much seduced by that as anybody. We have sold our four-bedroom house because our kids are gone, and we’ve bought a loft in Chinatown, Philadelphia. And we’re amazed at how simple our life has become. We’re grieving over how we let our life get so complicated ..."

There are so many times when I still chuckle that we are living this relatively quiet life in (what feels to us) a relatively small town in MONTANA. How strange that God would bring us here and then KEEP us here! I’ve never lived anyplace EVER for this many years. I’ve never known my post office workers by name, my grocery store workers by name, my UPS driver and mailman by name. (And I MARVEL that my five year old does too.)

Plus, of course, I am so grateful to be in a church that places such a high value on community and long-term (lifetime!) relationships. I know so many people who have passed up more money / prestige / professional advancement because they chose to instead raise their families in a consistent, committed, covenantal community. They serve and are served–and I learn from them every single day.

But as someone who moved CONSTANTLY as a child (Illinois-Wisconsin-Michigan-Illinois-Ohio-New Hampshire-Colorado, etc.); who never EVER had a sense of place or even knew my address or telephone number because it changed constantly, I still find it odd. Good, but odd. A little LESS odd every year. And truly good–I’m not restless for a move. I’m just learning a new normal.

Maybe God will move us. As Christians we always want to hold everything lightly and be open to His guidance and call. But we tried HARD to move a few years ago and absolutely NO doors opened to us. Now, we keep our ears to the ground and are always open to a move—but until further notice, we are here. Gratefully here. In our quiet little life in Montana, learning and growing in community.

God is very gracious to us.

Hope you are sleeping (unlike me—at 2AM—again).

Yours gratefully,
Tara B.

Pastor Anyabwile just wrote a strong recommendation of Noel Piper’s latest children’s book and after reading all that he said, I am eager to check it out:



Do You Want a Friend?

Thanks for asking about organizing, Petrie! It’s such a fun topic for me that, of course, I grabbed my camera and I’m happy to share how I went about (trying to) get ready for two little girls to share one small space.

(I’m completely assuming that this current situation will NOT work once Ella is mobile. It’ll need tweaking as we go. This is just a starting point.)

The first thing I had to figure out when we went to move in the crib and changing table is WHERE to put a bunch of Sophie’s stuff. The current “Ella space” USED TO be this:



I immediately thought of her reading nook in the schoolroom. (Just a closet that we took the doors off of and painted a cheery yellow color.) A nice set of the organizing cubicles fit in there, and she still has room to curl up and read, so that worked for a portion of the space that I needed to find:



But I knew that to REALLY make this happen, I would need to do some SERIOUS organizing. Hence the photo from a few weeks ago:



I knew that in order to have livable / every day (I call it "#1") space, I HAD TO clear out some of my #3 (rarely used / want to hold onto, but don’t need easy access to) space. And that meant tackling some not-that-carefully-used space under our puzzles and games in our basement AND our storage closet in our basement.

(I didn’t REALLY need that space to be as usable before now, so I didn’t work too hard on it. But that’s often how organizing is. Or maybe ALWAYS how organizing is. We do what we need to in order to have the level of order and ease our family is comfortable with. When a new need arises, we think creatively and do our best to find new solutions.)

(I hope I’m not sounding organizationally preachy right now. I just really like to think about stuff like this. It’s very fun for me. Aren’t I weird??)

ANYWAY ... to clear out #3 space, I had to:

1. Pull everything out and figure out what I had to deal with.

2. Get rid of stuff I no longer use or feel a sentimental attachment to. (Throw away / recycle. Donate. Sell.)

3. Archive #3 stuff to an even MORE remote location. (For us, this meant to a storage area over the garage.)

4. Move some formerly #1 stuff (Sophie could easily access it daily without parental help) to this closet (which I think of as a #2 area ... accessible with a little bit of effort / parental help).

So that’s what I did.

I did spend a little money changing over 99% of the storage containers to clear/opaque so that Sophie could more easily see where her craft items, balls, and Thomas the Tank Engine toys went:



THEN, I put the things she plays with the most (dress up / costumes and creative play toys) in the shelves under the games and puzzles and I ran a little “test” to make sure that the boxes weren’t too heavy for her and she could easily take the lids off and on because I want her to have easy access to those items even though they are no longer in the #1 space of her room:



Once I had room to WORK in the girls' room (because I had things cleared out), THEN things got really fun for me. I really enjoyed putting Ella’s #1 things in easily accessible spaces (changing table covers in a basket on the changing table; clean sheets, onesies, receiving blankies in baskets under the changing table):



(You might notice that one of the baskets is EMPTY. That’s because Fred and I really can’t remember ANYTHING about taking care of a newborn ... so I’m assuming I’m forgetting something important and I’ve left room for it. )

And to answer your question, I DO have a closet for the girls and Fred has helped me to maximize its space:

1. (From yet another stellar piece of advice from Laurel Friesen), we took off the doors and painted it a cheery pink. (Soph’s “signature color.”)



2. Fred installed a multi-level white wire rack that allowed me to hang baby clothes for Sophie when she was teeny tiny and now allows a nice way to organize shirts, skirts, dresses, AND American Girl clothing for her dolls.



(By the way—one of the ways I “test” organizational systems to see if they are really livable is that, after organizing an area, I ask Sophie to tell ME what the system is. If she can’t figure it out it’s NEVER going to be maintained. Plus, my goal in organizing ISN’T to have things organized, it’s to serve my family. So when she says, “long-sleeved shirts, short-sleeved shirts, no-sleeved shirts, skirts, and dresses” or “Bibles and Bible stories, chapter books, Henry & Mudge, Frog & Toad, Little House on the Prairie” (and that’s exactly how I was trying to make things work), I say, “Hooray! Let’s give this system a try.”)

3. I make strategic use of white laminate SHOE organizers at both low (for shoes) and high (for other things) levels. If there is blank space/air not being used, I say FILL IT UP. (But be careful to make sure things are safe for children of course.)

Plus, you might note that I have shelf space and empty organizing containers available to me in the closet right now. I think that usually happens when you do a new re-org. It takes TIME and DAILY LIFE to see how/if it REALLY works. And you need to have space to flex INTO.

(For example, last night I realized that Sophie really does creative play over the course of DAYS. So rather than requiring her to put costumes all the way away downstairs in the basement, I am going to come up with a solution for her to leave things out, but organized/safe/not a temptation to our Golden Retriever or the baby (i.e., not just on the floor) in a little temporary area.)

Plus, as I’m assuming you can see from my photos that I snapped in real life this morning while Sophie was still sleeping, it seems to me that nothing EVER stays “perfect” (well, unless you make yourself miserable and your kids miserable trying to keep up some illusion of a spread in Better Homes & Gardens).



Life is messy and EVERY organizational system requires MAINTENANCE. You tweak, throw, re-order, give away, throw away ... it’s just a normal part of life.

(Man! If only exercising and eating healthily were this fun and interesting to me, eh?)

Well, I guess that’s all for “Organizing with Tara” for this morning. I’m sure you knew all this already, but I hope this was helpful to you even in some small way, Petrie. I really enjoyed thinking about what I thought about (even subconsciously) as I worked on this project.

Off into our day—

Blessings and love,
Tara B.

The girls' room is pretty much finished and I thought you might enjoy seeing the pictures:







We also had a fun playtime today when Sophie made a menu (and dessert menu), put on her little waitress apron, took our orders, and then brought us pizza ("pet-su"), gave us a bill, and made change. Fun stuff!

"Hey, Mom! What does Satan put on his toast?"

“I don’t know! What?”

“CINNAMON! Get it? SIN-a-min, because Satan has so much sin in his heart.”

Oh, that MakingHome Jess does it again!

One passing comment from her and HOORAY! Our little non-TV-family has access to even more shows than super fun Hulu:

PBS Videos

I’m looking forward to exploring when I’m up again on a sleepless night.

Hope your week is progressing well! I have had two EXTREMELY low energy days following three EXTREMELY lacking in sleep nights ... but oh well. I’ve gotten through them no problem and overall, I’m a very blessed woman. So I don’t want to complain.

Blessings!
— Tara B.

PS
In the interest of full disclosure, I should say that we DO actually OWN two televisions. One is a tiny one in Soph’s schoolroom where she watches Muzzy, Math-U-See (and the occasional “just for fun” DVD). The other is a relic of a gift from my law school graduation (thirteen years ago!) that, I think, may still be able to get two stations. But I have no idea how.

My own hubby wrote a great post over at the Peacemaker Ministries blog that I encourage you to check out:

Leadership and Approachability

Our family just finished praying again for “Baby A and Baby B” – the 28-week in utero identical twin granddaughters of our dear friends Cap'n Dave and Auntie Pat.

(Dave is the friend with whom I used to work at Peacemakers. You may recall from my standard women’s retreat–and I think LTGIR–how he recommended “When People are Big and God is Small” to me and used to (lovingly) remind me to SHHHHHH! during meetings because I talked to much. He’s really been like a spiritual father to me and they have both been such faithful friends to us! We love them and miss them tremendously.)

Would you please pray for these TINY little girls? Baby A has not been getting as much oxygen and blood and has had some problems with her heart. The doctors have put their mother in the hospital, given the medicine to help the girls' lungs to develop, and are trying to discern whether to deliver the babies.

They are 2 and 3 lbs. respectively. So tiny!

I would so appreciate your prayers for them all.

Thank you–

With love,
Tara B.

PS
Our family also just finished REJOICING WITH TEARS that our friend is home safely from Iraq. We’ve been praying for him–and his family–regularly during his deployment and he is HOME! It was such wonderful news to wake up to, in addition to this hard news for the babies. I kept reminding Sophie how God wants us to pray; He invites us to pray; He HEARS us when we pray and He always answers our prayers – sometimes with a yes and sometimes with a no. But always perfectly and always in line with His glory and our good.

Somber and Dull continues to be neither somber nor dull and this post reminded me of some or my favorite teachers and professors of all time:

Of Murderous Sisters and Circadian Rhythms

How I thank God for teachers like:

Mrs. Adams (3rd grade)

Mr. Fiske (high school band)

Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Hughes (high school English, speech team, and drama)

Dr. Poe (A.P. English)

Dr. Kleinhuizen-Jensen (college piano)

Dr. Olsen (college literature and “Pilgrimage of Poets”)

Dr. Jensen (college philosophy and Sunday School classes)

Mr. Kaplan (law school tax, elder, and non-profit)

Mr. Leipold (law school criminal procedure)

Dr. Woodbridge (Trinity Evangelical Divinity School professor who taught our Sunday School class)

Rev. Dr. Alfred Poirier and Rev. soon-to-be-Dr. Jason Barrie (my current pastors)

My favorite teachers of all time. How I thank God for you!

Have I mentioned to you that TWICE in the last two weeks I have SHATTERED GLASS and called (screamed?) for Fred to come running?

The first time, I was hanging something in the girls' room and dropped the hammer on a frame–sending SHARDS of glass everywhere in the one room where I REALLY didn’t want to have glass shards. Fred came running, lifted Sophie to safety, made sure I was clear, and then got the vacuum and spent a long time making us all safe. All without complaint. Never once making me feel stupid (although I felt very stupid all on my own).

The second time, I was working in my office when BAM! A very heavy glass globe I’ve had for years fell OFF of the shelf at JUST the right angle and SHATTERED on top of my old, old laptop sending not only GLASS but some sort of strange, oily LIQUID everywhere.

“Fred! Fred! Help!” And, yet again, Fred came running. Made sure I wasn’t injured and cleared me out of the room–only to spend an even LONGER time cleaning up glass, oily liquid, AND papers, cords, a printer, a CD player, and–yes, a very old laptop that has yet to reboot.

(Thankfully the laptop WAS almost nine years old and we only used it as a sort of make-shift print server because our printer is SO old that it still requires an ancient (do they call it a nine-pin??) printer cable. The laptop was SO old and dying that it had actually been giving us error messages something along the lines of, “PERMANENT HARD DISK FAILURE IMMINENT. BACK UP YOUR FILES RIGHT NOW IF YOU CAN BECAUSE THIS COMPUTER IS ABOUT TO DIE!!!” Little did it know that I was about to speed it along its technological life cycle.)

Anyway ...

Yet again, Fred was unfailingly gracious. I still cringe when I think about it. ("How could I BE so stupid?!") But Fred really is one of those, “Accidents happen. Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you’re OK.” kind of people.

I want to be like Fred.

(Thanks, dear! I love you.)

Here’s to hoping I STOP breaking things soon ...

Yours,
Tara B.

It’s very strange to mention two movies in one day because we don’t really go to movies very often and I don’t think Fred, Sophie and I have EVER gone to a movie together. (Sophie and I saw “Charlotte’s Web” and “Despereaux” and I think that’s pretty much it for us as a family for years.)

But tonight we all went to see the movie “Earth.” So many writers and bloggers that we respect had raved about it—and the previews were so astounding—that when I saw it was still at our local theatre, off we went.

Soph was very excited and promised to trust me and avert/close her eyes behind my hand when I thought something too intense was about to happen. But Fred and I really thought from the “G” rating and all of the reviews we read that there would only be one or two difficult sequences.

We were wrong. And please, if you have little children, be forewarned.

It is a WONDERFUL movie and in many respects we loved it. God’s creation is awe-inspiring! I gasped with delight at many sequences.

However ... there are lots of (appropriate but INTENSE) moments when carnivores and omnivores do their thing, and even without the gore, it’s difficult to see. Plus, one animal just dies because, well, animals die. And MAN! That’s the biggest and scariest shark I have EVER seen (since the nightmare producing “Jaws” of my 1970’s childhood).

Soph was, I think, guarded from the intensity of the scary/sad images. (She doesn’t even tolerate the chase sequences in movies like “Monsters Inc.” and Dora videos so she really wasn’t ready for these scenes.) But now it’s 10:30PM and I’m the one having a hard time getting the pictures out of my mind.

Still ... it’s a beautiful movie and I’m sure most people could handle it no problem. But I did want to give another perspective on its intensity level just in case you were thinking about taking young kids to it.

OK. I’m really going to try to get to sleep now.

Hope your Monday was a blessed one!

Yours,
Tara B.

As a “recovering porcupine” (and I’m sure, sadly, still at times a difficult person), and as someone who instinctively wants to RUN away from fellow difficult people, I really appreciated this post from Becoming Janel:

Difficult Christians

(HT: Making Home)

It’s been a long time since I looked forward to a movie–but I am looking forward to this one!

Up

We’ve sat as a family and watched all of the trailers—and laughed and laughed.

Plus, we feel a teeny-tiny-connection to its creator, Pete Docter, because he and his family are good friends with our brother and sister and niece and nephew (in Berkeley) and Fred once house sat for him and took care of his dog.

It’s 2AM and I’m awake again–but tonight I really don’t mind. I have a bunch of books I’m enjoying AND Ella Marie is totally cracking me up because her in utero kicks are so strong that that they are literally rocking my chair.

But THAT’S not the reason for the title of my post (obviously).

I titled this post, "Please don’t be mean. Please don’t be mean." because it hit me as particularly sad that every time I go to check my YouTube video comments (because I really HATE it when people leave comments with profanity on our videos and I try to stay on top of deleting profane comments), I am silently saying to myself, “Please don’t be mean. Please don’t be mean.”

Sad, huh?

Not so much that I really care what some anonymous person says on a video. (I don’t.)

But that, over the years, with 150,000+ people seeing our videos, there have been enough people who are just blatantly, gratuitously MEAN that I subconsciously/instinctively hope for a non-mean comment.

Oh well. Life in a fallen world. No biggie.
But a little sad, eh?

If you have watched my video series, “Living the Gospel in Relationships” and found it helpful/encouraging at all, would you consider leaving a comment or dropping me an email with your feedback on the series?

(I suppose you could also do the same if you just HATED it ... but I have to assume that if so, you’re probably not a regular blog reader, eh? )

In preparation for the third printing and for a little summer “push” on the series, Peacemaker Ministries and I are working hard to gather some endorsements from well-known Christian leaders (what an HONOR that they would even consider endorsing it!), and I would really like to include your feedback too.

Thanks in advance for even considering this request. I know that most of you are happy to remain LURKERS (i.e., people who read blogs but NEVER comment) and that’s just fine with me. But if you’d like to drop me a personal note (even via snail-mail), I’d be grateful.

Hope your Sunday was a blessed one. Soph and I had to miss church because she has a bad cold–but otherwise it was a quiet, lovely day for us. Fred planted some more flowers (which I loved), Sophia sang to Ella and repeatedly said, “I can’t wait for JULY!” (which I also loved), and I was encouraged by Psalm 56:3:

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you."

Blessings on your week!

Yours,
Tara B.

Sophia performed JS Bach’s Minuet 2 in recital this afternoon:



She had a little memory error towards the beginning, but she found her place, jumped back in, and persevered. I told her that NOT falling completely apart when you make a mistake in a recital, concert, or while giving a speech ... but CONTINUING ON and FINISHING WELL is extremely hard to do. And I was VERY proud of her for persevering.

(Plus her dynamics at the end were GORGEOUS. She had been working very hard on her pianissimos and they were lovely.)

Fred and I were chuckling at the fact that it was only ONE year ago that she did her very first violin recital ... and could barely get through “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”



(We also chuckled at the fact that she wanted to wear the SAME dress as last year! So last year it was a tiny bit too big and this year it was a tiny bit too small. THAT’S the way we wear clothes around here, eh? )

Hope your Saturday was a blessed one too!

Yours,
Tara B.

John Piper recently posted a three-minute video in response to this question:

What Should I Do if My Wife Says She Doesn’t Love Me?

It’s worth watching–and not just for husbands and wives. We all struggle with not loving at times, don’t we? (Our parents, our children, our roommate. Our pastor, our sister, our fellow church member.)

Thank God for His merciful, helping grace!

Hope you enjoy the video–

Yours,
Tara B.

I heard a tiny snippet of a sermon the other day when I was driving around town. I have no idea who the preacher was—but if you do, please let me know so that I can give proper attribution.

The one point I heard had to do with how this man and his wife encourage childlikeness in their home, while faithfully and diligently working hard to discourage/discipline childishness.

He had a number of great illustrations and explanations as to why they encourage childlikeness—beginning with the many calls in Scripture to “become like little children” (Matthew 18:3) and be “humble like little children” (Matthew 18:4) “because the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to little children” (Matthew 19:14).

He talked about the wonder and joy and instinctive trustfulness of little children. Their lavish love. Their open, dependent, vulnerable hearts.

(OK. OK. Honestly? I must admit that I’m not sure that he DID actually talk about those things in particular. Now I think I might be floating into the realm of what I was thinking about little children AS he was preaching. But anyway ... hopefully you get the gist.)

He also talked about why childishness at ANY age is to be discouraged because while childlikeness is APPROPRIATE for children, childishness by definition means “inappropriately immature.” So, whereas a two-year old acting like a two-year old is appropriate; it would be childish and inappropriate for a TEN-year old (or a FIFTY-year old) to act like a two-year old.

ANYWAY–the point I wanted to highlight with you all (I really AM incapable of using an economy of words, aren’t I?) is this ...

One fun way that this family encourages childlikeness in their home (laughter, joy, wonder, delight) is what they call a “DONUT RUN!” The components are pretty simple ... the children finish their bedtime routine; teeth are brushed, faces washed, Bibles read, prayers prayed; final parental kisses are given and then the parents go downstairs like normal. But about two minutes later, the dad goes upstairs and says, “Who wants to go on a DONUT RUN?!” And IN THEIR PAJAMAS they head to a local bakery and munch on donuts and talk and laugh ... WAY too late at night and for no other reason than DELIGHT.

I thought that sounded like a great idea!

So tonight, after Sophie and I were in our PJ’s and robes, I sprang the idea of an ICE CREAM run on the family and off we went to the DQ drive in WAY too late at night (10:00!!) — just for the fun of it.

Then we even stopped by the post office to buy stamps from the automatic machine — in our PJs, with our ice cream. Just because it seemed like a fun thing to do.

You should’ve seen Soph’s face! I thought her cheeks were going to split she was smiling so broadly.

We got home, finished our cones at the kitchen table, and she said:

"I wish this night would never end."

Pretty sweet! (The joy of parenting, not just the ice cream.)

How I pray that we will continue to enjoy and encourage childlikeness in our daughters and in our own hearts too. We surely have much to rejoice in, for the Father’s love truly is powerful to save and steadfast. Forever.

Sending you our love!
– Tara (& Fred & Sophia & teeny tiny Ella Marie too)

Sophia had a wonderful playdate with one of her favorite friends today, but as the children were leaving, they all had a minor spat over some Dover Stained Glass Coloring Books (which we LOVE, by the way, and highly recommend if you’re looking for wonderful, creative coloring books).

The kids were great — faithfully and quickly worked through some confessions and granted forgiveness. It was all very minor and then our friends headed home.

BUT THEN ...

A few minutes later, Sophie came out of her schoolroom and said something to the effect of:

"Mom? Can you please help me with something?

I’m kind of struggling right now because my heart WAS feeling all loving and sweet toward my friends when we were standing by their car, talking, and confessing, and forgiving each other. But as soon as I went back inside and saw the coloring books again, all of a sudden my heart started to feel angry and evil again.

I don’t know why it’s doing that and I really need your help."

And so we talked. And prayed. And learned about how ALL OF US are tempted to be BITTER at times, even after someone has confessed to us and we have forgiven them.

Bitterness and resentment are major temptations in life—and God’s grace CALLS us to turn away from these temptations in very practical and tangible ways:

- We acknowledge the feeling. It’s real! It’s there! No use denying it. BUT, we don’t “give in” to feeling angry, resentful, and MAD all over again.

- Instead, by faith, we remember that WE are forgiven by Jesus and SO, we forgive others. Just like this situation. Our friends hurt us and confessed and we forgave them. It is finished. Done. Over. Covered. We are NOT going to DWELL on what happened and think about how they hurt us and feed anger and resentment in our hearts.

- Rather, "Good Thought / Hurt You Not / Gossip Never / Friends Forever", we are going to think good thoughts about them and replace our grouchy, “evil” (to use Sophie’s term tonight) thoughts with sweet thoughts about our friends.

And over time, we can be assured that God WILL help us to LIVE OUT the forgiveness we have offered our friends. Because He is at work in our hearts, sanctifying us and conforming us to the image of His Son.

How sweet it was to check in on her a little bit later as she was continuing to play quietly by herself and hear her say, “Oh, mom. I had actually forgotten all about that by now.”

Hooray! And hooray! Music to this momma’s ears.

Thanking God for grace–

Yours,
Tara B.

Yesterday I started reading Tim Keller’s, "The Prodigal God."

Before I began, I assumed it would be edifying and I would learn/grow. But having made it through just over half of the book in one long afternoon of combined childcare and reading, I have to say that I have also been tremendously blessed. And I am looking forward to finishing the rest of the book and discussing it in our women’s study that will meet this summer.

(We’re having a brief women’s study May 27 - July 8 ... right up until the time when Ella Marie should be, Lord willing, making her arrival. So if you’re in the Billings area and can join us on Wednesdays from 1:00-2:30, please drop me a note and let me know! We are praying in particular for our friends who do not yet know the Lord—that this study will be (Lord willing!) a safe, warm, fun, and accurate presentation of the real gospel and that we will all love each other well.)

My intention when I started this post was to summarize some of the main ideas/thoughts/questions that I wrote in the margins of the book. But after taking the time to watch and post the video (below) — which I hope you will watch too! — and hearing Sophia moving around upstairs, I think I’m going to have to keep this brief.

So here are just a few, relatively random thoughts from my notes:

- “One of the signs that you may not grasp the unique, radical nature of the gospel is that you are certain that you do.”

- The term ‘prodigal’ does not mean wayward, but reckless. To spend until you have nothing left. The father’s welcome to the repentant son was literally reckless because he refused to “reckon” or count his sin against him or demand repayment.

- If your view of “The Parable of the Prodigal Son” only focuses on “God’s unconditional love,” then you have a sentimental view of this parable and you are missing out on the heart of its teaching.

(This is a particularly strong point for both Fred and me because as we’ve discussed this book we’ve also discussed how most children’s books, Sunday school lessons for little children, picture Bibles, etc. focus EXCLUSIVELY on the younger brother. But it’s so good (and easy! kids see it right away!) to help children to see the parallels between the older brother’s response and the Pharisees’ response–and our OWN responses–too.)

- When the younger brother asks for his inheritance, he is asking the father to tear his life apart. “And the father does so, for the love of his son ... The father endures a tremendous loss of honor as well as the pain of rejected love. Ordinarily when our love is rejected we get angry, retaliate, and do what we can to diminish our affection for the rejection person so we won’t hurt so much. But this father maintains his affection for his son and bears the agony.”

- The elder brother also disgraces the father. And the father again responds with amazing tenderness.

- Jesus uses the younger and elder brothers to portray the two basic ways people try to find happiness and fulfillment: the way of MORAL CONFORMITY and the way of SELF-DISCOVERY. Both of these approaches are much more alike than they first appear. And both are wrong. Jesus' parable illustrates the radical alternative.

- The prerequisite for receiving the grace of God is to know you need it.

(Can’t even write that last line without starting to sing, “This He gives you! This He gives you! Listen to the Savior’s voice.”)

Much, much more to process about this jam-packed, accessible, well-written, engaging little book.
But now it’s time for me to feed my precious daughter and head into our day.

Praying for the grace to turn away from my elder brother-ish tendencies–

Yours,
Tara B.

TakeYourVitaminZ posted this video and I urge you to take six minutes and watch it:



(More information at Clayton’s Story.)

Just a quick note to see if any of you might know of some unused CHURCH BANNERS that might be available for one of our church’s Montana church plants.

They JUST got into a building (HOORAY!) and they are looking for some help prettying up the place.

Thanks thanks thanks!
– t

Yesterday was Beach Day at co-op:



(Oh WHY oh WHY would anyone–let’s call her LARA–transform a schoolroom into an ocean and beach, replete with SCUBA lessons and everything? Hmmmmm ... she must be a little bit crazy. And enjoy making kids smile.)

Just BEFORE the Beach Day festivities kicked off, Sophie’s violin teacher came to the church so that she could practice her violin recital piece for Saturday.



(I wonder if J.S. Bach ever imagined a five year old playing that Minuet in a swimsuit, coverup, and dolphin necklace?)

Ahhhhhh ... I’m a blessed gal.

Survived the worst prenatal appointment of every pregnancy (the fasting glucose tolerance test–YUCK!).

Ella Marie seems to be cooking along just fine–great heartbeat, lots of motion (especially after the two gallons of glucose we “enjoyed” this morning.)

Now we’re off to care for some children this afternoon —

Talk with you later!

Love,
Tara B.

Rushing out the door to a prenatal appointment, so no time to elaborate. But I did want to mention that based on my day yesterday, I’m thinking it’s just about time for my annual re-reading of Ed Welch’s “When People are Big and God is Small.” Might also begin an annual tradition with his "Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest."

(Hmmmmmmm ... doesn’t sound like I had a very good day yesterday, does it? )

But God is still the same.
And feelings are feelings. Important, sure. Strong? For some of us in particular? Absolutely.

But God is greater still.
And faith, hope, confidence, and assurance are NOT based on feelings.

Gotta run!
Hope your day is a blessed one—

Yours,
Tara B.

I have quite a pile of emails stacking up and I am trying to diligently work through them. (Thanks in advance for your patience if you are waiting on a reply from me.)

One email was from a friend who (like me) struggles with overindulging in food (gluttony) and I thought my reply to her questions might encourage some of you too. So (generically, of course, ALL identifying information has been removed/changed), here is a snippet of my reply to her.

Oh that we would believe the TRUTH OF GOD more than our FEELINGS!

Yours,
Tara B.

"Wow! God is truly stretching you! I was humbled by your email. And of course I don’t have any great words of wisdom for you ... but I’d love to try to encourage you, even just a tiny bit.

I have prayed for you, my friend. You are a mighty warrior and a beloved daughter of the King of Kings. I hope that you will BANISH ONCE AND FOR ALL those nasty self-condemning thoughts. Olivia, that is simply NOT the way God thinks about you EVEN WHEN you are struggling or tempted or even indulge in sin. God’s grace is towards you because of CHRIST and because of his covenant of GRACE – which is based on HIM, not you!

Sometimes I think you picture God as a harsh taskmaster or drill Sergeant who is requiring a lot from you, quick to yell at you and disparage you when you struggle/fail, and slow to show you any kindness, patience, or love. That is simply not true! Yes, our sin grieves God – but Olivia, he is your Heavenly Father who is FOR YOU. He is like the Daddy running alongside of your bicycle as you teeter and totter ... HE gives you the grace to push the peddles and learn to balance and He doesn’t reject you when you fall. Instead, he picks you up, kisses your skinned knee, carries you in his arms, and lovingly puts you back on the seat as he cheers you on.

The truth is that HE empowers you to grow in sanctification and conformity to Christ. YOU don’t choose to conform yourself to Christ. YOU don’t choose to repent or flee from temptation. The grace of God teaches you to flee from temptation! (Titus 2:11-12: For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions …).

This is NOT by your own will power or strength or discipline, but by the grace of God! And sanctification is a life-long process. We will not be perfect until heave. In this life, we grow in faith and godliness ... but our sanctification is secured by our justification. We are already perfect in the eyes of God because Christ’s record of perfect righteousness has been apportioned to us. He loves us because of Christ.

You are loved and secure and NOT condemned. All because of Christ.

Olivia, I pray that whatever you discern concerning fasting, your heart will rest in these truths more and more and more and more. For I truly believe that the longer you indulge in unbiblical thinking about the character of God and how he views you, the more miserable you will be–no matter what you choose to do concerning the fasting. How can you rest in the love of God if you think he is disappointed in you? Oh my friend, remember the Gospel! Remember the Cross! God’s love for you is from all eternity (Ephesians 1) – whether you eat the granola bars or not. He loves you because you are HIS, not because of what you do.

And yes, in the context of that love, he empowers you to turn from sin and be conformed to Christ ... but all out of love and grace, not condemnation and disappointment."

Be sure to tune in to FamilyLife Today and hear Carolyn McCulley discuss her (GREAT!) new book, “Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World.” She posted links and all of the details here.

I’m sure her interviews (three days! hooray!) will encourage you to buy her book, “Radical Womanhood” and I want to do the same. It is a very wise and winsome book, incredibly well-researched, and completely lacking in the harsh tone that this topic often attracts from writers, speakers, and bloggers/commenters.

Plus, Judy and I also had a blast with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine when they interviewed us about “Peacemaking Women”, so it’s very fun for me to picture Carolyn in their studio, enjoying the Lord and great conversation with two gifted radio hosts.

Happy Monday!

Yours,
Tara B.

Congratulations, Chrissy D! You won our free stuff giveaway!

Please drop me an email to confirm your mailing address ("Contact Tara" tab at the top of my website) and I’ll have your goodies right out to you.

Thanks, everyone, for sharing your counsel with my friend and me.

MakingHome’s Jess pointed us to an interesting post that might be worth the read if you’ve ever been tempted to look at an obedient child and think, “Must be nice to have such an EASY kid.”

(OR if someone has ever said something like that to you in response to your obedient child.)

Please note: I don’t know anything about the blogger and I think the substance is spot-on, but the tone might be a little strong. Please read it and enjoy it charitably.

Do Parents a Favor

PS
Not ONE HOUR after posting this, Soph had a “little” moment of disobedience. We were having SO much fun and her “tiny” act was strange and really stopped the fun. I was so tempted to just LET IT GO. But no. Of course I couldn’t. So we stopped the fun, had a painful consequence, confessed, were forgiven ... and THEN? Got to go BACK to the fun. REAL fun. FORGIVEN fun. It’s so good to be a Christian and have the hope and assurance of our salvation—not only in the next life, but being saved even from ourselves/our sin in this life.

Thank You, Lord, for forgiveness!

PPS
Just in case you’re wondering WHY I couldn’t just OVERLOOK her “tiny” act of disobedience or give her mercy, she also LIED about it. And in our home, an intentional sin like lying always means a double-trouble consequence ... one for the underlying wrong and one for lying about it. It’s SO hard to be consistent! But as far as I can remember, we have never wavered off of this and hopefully (prayerfully!) we are training Sophie that even though she may THINK that she can hide or sin or “get away with it,” ultimately—it is ALWAYS better to honestly DEAL WITH IT. That God already knows the truth anyway; we don’t want to cherish/hide sin; and there really IS forgiveness and restoration.

That’s what she experienced yesterday. And that’s what I was trying to LISTEN TO myself as I said the words to her.

Samara’s husband, TJ, has an absolutely STUNNING painting up for only a five-day auction:

Spring Pastures, Bridger Range, MT

Can you imagine being able to create something so beautiful? Wow! Thanks, Taylor.

And Happy Mother’s Day to all of my blog readers who are mothers!

Love,
Tara B.

Fred and I were reflecting on our (almost fourteen-year) marriage by remembering the counsel we received near our wedding.

(Due to a car accident that closed down a highway, the message ended up being given at our reception, not during our actual service because our dear friend, Dr. Paul Jensen, missed the service by just a few minutes. So, yes, we had the world’s shortest wedding. But hey! We left married–which is my only standard/goal for all weddings. Everything else is nice, sure, but if you leave married? Success!)

But I digress ...

I know it may be strange to actually remember anything from your wedding message, but we both do. In it, Dr. Jensen reminded us how CS Lewis explained love (in his book, “The Four Loves”) by using the four Greek words for love: affection (storge), friendship (philia), romantic/s*xual love (eros), and charity (agape).

He charged us that although we couldn’t even IMAGINE it at that moment (me in my white wedding gown, Fred in his suit; both of us glowing/grinning/so happy to finally be married; SO eager to take our introverted little selves OUT of that reception an ONTO our honeymoon ) ... that, like all married couples, we WOULD come to a point in our marriage when eros (that feeling of being “IN LOVE”) would fade/wax and wane.

Dr. Jensen charged us to enjoy eros love. Absolutely! Yes! But also to remember, ESPECIALLY in those moments when we don’t FEEL so “in love”, that our love truly goes WELL BEYOND eros love. By God’s grace, we also have:

- Friendship (philia, φιλία ). We are bonded together, strongly bonded together, by our friendship. We are companions through life. Our relationship was formed over time, lots of time, spent together. Talking and engaging, sure. But also just being. Fred and I have spent the last sixteen years of life together. We are inextricably intertwined. Neither of us is ever going away from the other. (Even when—especially when—we don’t FEEL all “lovey-dovey-IN LOVE”/eros.)

- Affection (storge, στοργή ). We genuinely care about each other. We have observed each other at our absolute highs and absolute lows. We have spent time with each other’s families (!!). We have traveled, cleaned, served, worked, eaten, studied, relaxed, LIVED side-by-side for sixteen years now and we really like each other. We are not fond of each other in a vague way. We know each other intimately. We are familiar with each other’s weaknesses to be sure, but we still are affectionate toward one another.

- Charity (agapē, ἀγάπη ). Because God first loved us, we love one another. Period. Because God is so rich in mercy toward us, we are rich in mercy toward one another. (Or, well, we try to be anyway!) We do not have to earn each other’s love. We are not at risk of losing each other’s love. We care about each other regardless of our circumstances. Unconditionally. Charitably. Because at its foundation, our love in marriage is NOT about us—it is all about God. And God never changes. He never wavers. He gives us the grace to love one another.

It is such an evidence of my pride and immaturity that I actually remember sitting at our wedding reception, listening to this message from Dr. Jensen, and quietly thinking to myself:

"Oh. OK, Dr. Jensen. Uh-yeah-sure-WHATEVER. All of that stuff about the four loves? Great. Great. But I just KNOW that WE are going to be DIFFERENT. Our love and friendship are SO STRONG that WE are ALWAYS going to FEEL “in love.” We’re going to have philia and agape and storge AND eros. All the time. Every day. For the rest of our lives."

Can you imagine? What a silly (foolish) girl I was!

Because of course, Dr. Jensen was right. Of course we have had our ups and downs in the FEELINGS/eros department.

But love goes way beyond feelings. Feelings are great! And we do need to keep working on growing the romantic/intimate nature of our marriage (because we often don’t value it ENOUGH–especially during this “raising young children” season of life).

So that’s what we were reflecting on in our (hard, tear-filled) conversation.

And now I am sitting here, thanking God for His grace. And thanking God for Fred.

Hope you have a blessed Sabbath tomorrow!

Much, much love—
Tara B.

Wonderful teachings are now available over at PastorTheologian.com.

Enjoy!

There is simply no way that I can categorize this post. Way too many disjunct thoughts. But I’ve been meaning to mention all of this to you, so here we go ...

1. I really hope that you are at least considering making plans to attend Memorial Day services in your local community. Please consider remembering and honoring those who have died in the service of our country (and their families and our veterans too). The services are often very short, but incredibly meaningful and GREAT teaching times for children (re: the flag, our constitution, form of government, authority, etc.) Freedom really isn’t free.

2. In the past week, two families that I care a great deal about have found themselves sudddenly beside hospital beds due to accidents that have brought traumatic injuries (including broken necks, backs, skulls, pelvic bones, etc.). One is a young man who was in a car accident and the other is a father of four children and deacon in our church. I know their families would appreciate your prayers!

3. Yesterday I was completely immobile in bed due to back pain that became unmanageable. I felt terrible for letting Sophie down (other than a little math, phonics, Bible and violin, we really did nothing all day long until some reading and Zoologic–in bed–at night). I just couldn’t do anything fun or even interesting for her. But every time I said, “Sorry, Sophie!” as she self-entertained for hour after hour, she said, "Mom, there is nothing to apologize for. I’m just sorry your back hurts so bad." Pretty gracious of a five year old, eh? I am so blessed to get to be her mother.

OK. Time to jump into our day now.

Hope your week is going well! And don’t forget to leave a comment here for your chance to WIN FREE STUFF! I think only four or five people have entered, so the math is in your favor for winning!

Blessings,
Tara B.

Carolyn McCulley just posted a link to a new blog that I encourage you to check out. Here is what she wrote:

"My friend Mary Kassian, an author and professor at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, has started a new blog titled Girls Gone Wise. It features a lot of good resources on topics such as spiritual life, relationships, sexuality, marriage, mothering, career, life stages and more."

I only had a minute to pop over and glance at the headlines—but I’m definitely going to explore it when I have the time.

Hope it is a blessing to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

I just learned that a friend of mine is leaving her (beloved) church to join a new one that is significantly closer to her home. No conflicts or theological disagreements, just a great opportunity to save a ton of driving while still remaining in the same denomination, involved in the same outreach and mercy ministries, etc.

Her question for me was something to the effect of, “How do I make this move in the most loving and gracious way so as to AVOID causing any conflicts?”

She asked if I had any personal experience, recommended articles/books, advice, etc. And I thought that this question sounded like a great one for YOU ALL, my wonderful blog readers. (I still can’t really believe that there are 1,000+ of you a WEEK! But those are the stats anyway. Wow!)

If you have just a few minutes, would you please share your thoughts/counsel? I am interested in hearing from everyone, of course, but particularly from church leaders who have had the OPPOSITE happen (someone leaves and CAUSES a lot of hurt/conflict) ... how can we learn from the past and do better in the future?

Thanks, friends!

Oh–and if it helps to entice you, how about if I throw in a little INCENTIVE? If you leave a comment with advice/thoughts on this topic by 5PM (Mtn.) Sunday night, May 10, I’ll enter your name in a drawing for ALL OF THE FOLLOWING RESOURCES:

- Women’s Ministry in the Church (by Ligon Duncan & Susan Hunt)

- The Peacemaker (by Ken Sande)

- Judy’s and my book (Peacemaking Women)

- One set of ALL SEVEN of my individual audio CDs

- A bunch of CCEF booklets on various topics

Sound like fun? We’ve haven’t had a giveaway for awhile ... let me send you FREE STUFF! (Plus I really would like to hear your counsel.)

Thanks in advance for sharing your wisdom—

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Don’t forget that I NEVER share your name/email/contact information with ANYONE. So if you enter this drawing, you don’t have ANY risk of SPAM coming from our family.

I was thinking about my little aside in my previous post (about how, in general, we just don’t put as much time and effort into the things that we don’t value), and in addition to the aforementioned COOKING, I also thought of DECORATING as something that fits that bill for me.

I really enjoy being in a warm and hospitable home–and I do try to help our home to be both warm and hospitable. However, I’m just never going to be one of those women who contemplates the color scheme / fabric / texture / furniture / accoutrements of a room for, you know, months and years. And THEN, slowly, carefully, builds the room bit by bit to be JUST SO. Trying one shade of paint. Then another. Mulling over and over the color of the drapes, the weight of the drapes, the exact tie back for the drapes. Trying one couch. Then recovering it. Then recovering it again. Placing one wrought-iron wall thingy. Then moving it. Then moving it again.

Nope. Never going to happen. I just don’t care.

BUT. One of those (I would call her VERY gifted) artistic, REALLY-cares-about-such-things-women DID give me THE WORLD’S BEST DECORATING ADVICE EVER and since I just shared it with a friend of mine the other day, I thought I’d share it with you guys too:

In order to learn what you REALLY like about color schemes, room design, fabrics, etc., DON’T go to paint stores, furniture stores, “decorating advice” websites, etc. It will only overwhelm you and you won’t be able to discern what you really like.

Instead, START A FILE. And every time you see something in a catalog or magazine that you instinctively say, “Oooh! I really like that.” TEAR OUT THE PICTURE AND PUT IT IN THE FILE.

Don’t do anything else. DON’T analyze it. DON’T think about it. Just tear it out and put it in the file.

Then, when you have a big file and it’s time to buy paint or re-do a room or whatever, TAKE OUT THE PICTURES AND LOOK AT THE THEMES. Because there WILL be themes. Trust me.

You may never have been able to articulate that you just LOVE white couches, but if you see a white couch in pretty much every picture? Guess what? You LOVE white couches.

Or, like me, you may never have EVER said to someone, “I really like rich, darker colors of paint on walls” — but when you do this little (easy!) project and find that pretty much EVERY room has rich, darker colors on the walls? Guess what? You LOVE rich/dark paint colors.

Seriously? This is the best decorating advice I’ve ever received and I encourage you to check it out. ESPECIALLY if you (like me!) fall into the “I really don’t care about this stuff / but I want to be hospitable” camp.

Because not only is this advice GREAT it’s EFFICIENT. Ahhhhh! Gotta love it.

Hope it’s a blessing to you–

Happy Wednesday!

Love,
Tara B.

Sorry it’s taken me until 10:30PM to blog today. I have a fairly good excuse, though. (Or at least I hope so.)

Every spare minute of my life the last week of my life has been pretty much overtaken by the HUGE mess I had to make and then clean up in order to identify, sort (throw away / give away / pack away), and organize a ton of STUFF to get ready for Ella Marie’s July arrival.

(As a quick aside ... MAN! It’s a LOT of work to do this. I really do LOVE it–but it’s a ton of effort and I never question why most people DON’T take the time to do a deep DEEP organization of their stuff. I really think it’s just one of those things that you do really well if you LOVE it, but otherwise, you just kind of do your best and get by. Kind of like COOKING. )

Anyway ...

This is what my basement has looked like for most of the last week:



And this is how it looks now:



Whooo-hooo! And the pictures just don’t do the closet justice:

- Long, opaque storage boxes that use the entire depth of the shelves. Sorted by genre. Easy to access.
- Non-opaque boxes labeled and used in “B” locations (accessed less often).
- Old sentimental stuff that is no longer sentimental? GARBAGE.
- Receipts/financial docs that we need to keep for tax purposes? Labeled and archived away above the garage.
- Useful things that we’re just not using enough (and might be a blessing to others)? DONATED.
- Baby stuff? Cloth items are cleaned, folded, and ready. Toys, rattles, and chewable books are boxed in those wonderful opaque boxes so I can find what I need as we go.

Mmmmmmmmmm. Feels great. I’m grateful to God for helping me to get it done (especially before I get too huge in this third trimester) AND to Fred for lugging hundreds of pounds of boxes and stuff around for me.

And I feel really good about doing the best I can to be content in our little home. I have to be more strategic about organizing to have two levels/ages of stuff out simultaneously. (I’m sure those of you with big families are just laughing at me right now and saying, “She has NO idea!” You’re right. I don’t. This is all happily new to me.)

But I’m exhausted and I’m going to hit the hay now.

Hope your day was a blessed one!

Yours,
Tara B.

TakeYourVitaminZ had a great post on living the gospel in your daily life that I encourage you to check out:

Simplified Missional Living

It’s convicting, to be sure, but not condemning. Just helpful.

Hope you enjoy!
– tkb

Tim Challies posted to an excellent article that I encourage you to read:

Undressing P*ornography (by David Miles)

The only addition I would make to it is that lately, I have been seeing more and more women struggling with ruling lust / habitual sin cycles related to the topic. (Many times their temptations are less visual and more verbal–i.e., BOOKS–but the cycle can become quickly "A Banquet at the Grave" to use Ed Welch’s term for addiction.)

There is hope for every sinner! There really is a Savior–and He saves us not only from Hell in the next life, but from ourselves, the world, and Satan in this life.

What a grace. What a God. He really is the Feast that satisfies—unlike these false gods that tempt us and lie to us.

Blessings on your Monday!
– Tara B.

Over the past few weeks, my friend and I have been going through the The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation’s (CCEF’s) Crossroads Addictions Curriculum. It has, like all CCEF resources I’ve read, been both a challenge and a blessing.

As I have progressed through the curriculum, I have also gone back and re-read many of my LiveBlogs from the 2008 CCEF Conference: The Addict in Us All.

(If you’re interested in this topic at all, or if your church is interested in better ministering to the addicts in your midst—and believe me, you DO have them in your church whether you admit it and help them or not!—I encourage you to check out my LiveBlogs. I am a very fast typist and I pretty much transcribed the pre-conference events, general sessions and many of the workshops too.)

I appreciated so much Dr. Ed Welch’s opening plenary session at the conference ("Addiction, Temptation & Voluntary Slavery"). Consider just a tiny excerpt from what he shared:

"We gather as kindred spirits who share a similar mission–we are persuaded that Scripture is alive and deep and we desire to bring it to the problems in living. We want to bring Christ and Him crucified to the problems of living. As we do that, we hope to encourage the Church with loving encouragement and wise counsel.

(After describing a disturbing case study from his early years as a counselor …)

In the moment we begin to see the addict as “abnormal,” Scripture seems to drop below a whisper; it seems to go silent. And often we respond by putting addicts, “over there,” in one category or sub-class. We buy into the AMA diagnosis of addiction being a “medical disease.” We send people to AA—and they furiously underline and memorize passages in the AA Big Book because it just seems to relevant to their lives! But their Bibles remain pristine because it seems to be for “normal people” and they are not feeling very normal.

So there I was with my biblical worldview and then I met Mr. Gray (the case study) …

Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have people to confuse the clarity of our own minds?"

(As a Tara-aside here … I think that was absolutely one of THE BEST LINES of the entire weekend. “Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have people to confuse the clarity of our own minds?” So true! So true.)

Dr. Welch then went on to explain how the gospel DOES speak to this important topic and DOES bring not only clarity but REAL HELP for people who often feel very, very helpless. (As do the people who LOVE the people struggling with addiction.)

If you’d like to learn more, I encourage you check out all of the CCEF resources on their website. And you may also find these links helpful:

The entire LiveBlog of Ed Welch’s general session plenary can be found here.

In addition, I LiveBlogged Ed Welch’s pre-conference (half-day!) workshop on the Addictions Curriculum here. Or you can just read my summary of the pre-conference workshop here.

And, of course, ALL of my LiveBlogs and summaries from the entire conference can be found here.

Hope this material is helpful to you! It sure is helpful to me.

Blessings on your Sabbath—

Yours,
Tara B.

Spring seems to really be here – so it must time to give Lilikoi a thorough Furminanting!

We just LOVE The Furminator and we recommend it to all of our friends who have dogs. Especially Goldens!



With a little bit of effort, you can make some SERIOUS progress on the loose undercoat of your dog:



(And yes, yes, I’m sure this post – like last year’s Furminating post – is grossing out all of my “THAT’S why we will NEVER have a dog” friends. )

Back to the chaos–

Love,
Tara B.

Fred finalized our initial inclination on Baby Girl Barthel’s name this morning. So, Lord willing, we’ll be welcoming soon dear Ella Marie.



It’s really fun to have settled on a name. We all enjoy saying “Ella” or “Ellie” or using her formal name (Eleanor Marie Barthel) when we talk to her. (Well, when we talk to my giantly kicking tummy.)

(BTW, just to let you know ... I totally don’t mind nicknames. In fact, I kind of like them. Ella/Ellie, Sophia/Sophie. Sounds fun to me. It’s just having a perpetually–and I mean DAILY, PERPETUALLY mispronounced name due to VOWELL CONFUSION that bugs the living life out of me. “TARE-UH” vs. “Tah-Rah” / "Kleeeenah" vs. “Klehnah” / "Bar-TELL" vs. “Bar-THell”. Blergh. I swore to myself at an early age that I would never do that to a child.)

So, we’re enjoying being pregnant and taking things one day at a time. But I must admit … as happy and grateful as we are (and we are!), we’re also a little overwhelmed at the thought of actually HAVING and TAKING CARE OF a baby. Our lives are just so “easy” with out little “disappears and read books FOR HOURS” little Sophie-bug. How in the WORLD will we ever have the energy for THIS?



(HT: dear, wonderful, Half-Pint House Megan.)

We’re trusting that God will, as always, provide (and help us to keep this child safe and loved and alive). And, if the baby is healthy and we’re not facing medical crises or some other trauma ... we will probably all laugh (again) more than we ever have in life just by being around a newborn. Babies crack us up.

Hope your Saturday is off to a great start! Fred is mowing the lawn (we had SNOW forecasted, so I’m THRILLED that it’s a gorgeous day). Soph cut and brought flowers and a card over to our dear little widow neighbor (whom we love). I’m trying to gear up to tackle the CHAOS of the basement

(I’ve been moving room to room, floor to floor, trying to get on top of the piles. But now I can’t see the basement. REALLY. It’s completely disappeared under piles of boxes, clothes, giveaways, throwaways, etc. But I HAVE to get it done in the next few days because we’re having our carpets cleaned for the first time EVER next week. I hear it’s a really good thing to do if you have a DOG and young children ...)

My problem is ENERGY. I was (again) up for pretty much the entire night. It’s been a week now of not sleeping and I’m really feeling it. My left eye twitches uncontrollably (which Fred says is a sign of exhaustion/not sleeping). And I’m just tired. Happy and grateful, but tired.

Oh well–guess that TOO is about to (happily) be our new lives, eh?

Blessings and love to you all —
Tara B.

Look at what our brilliant and wonderful friend Joe Adams created for his (wonderful!) church, Southside Fellowship:



(So apparently it’s not just entire women’s Bible studies that he can create.)

Great job, Joe!
And great job, Southside, for continuing to promote the “unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (Eph 4:3)!

Gratefully,
Tara B.

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday about Sophie’s little confession and our ensuing discussion was this exchange when she was still struggling and feeling bad:

"Sophia, your friend has forgiven you. So why you are continuing to feel so awful?"

“Well, Mom, I think it’s because I haven’t confessed to God yet.”

Ah. What a good idea.

(Kind of sounds like something that a person who goes around teaching The Seven A’s of Confession might have thought of, doesn’t it? Since, you know, it IS covered by the FIRST A – “Address Everyone Involved” means that we always start with GOD because any time we’ve sinned against a person, we have also sinned against God.)

Glad I have a five year old to help keep me on track.

Blessings on your days, friends!

With love,
Tara B.