considerable grace

I’m sure it’s not that important, so I’m reticent to pray for a supernaturally strong, cheap plastic pool that can withstand puppy claws and active children.

And yet I know that God cares about the little stuff too, right?

So let’s just say that I pray that God will know how grateful I am for blessings like these ... and I hope we have at least a few days (weeks?) of fun with our current effort to keep cool on these blazingly hot days:

Yesterday’s RZIM Slice of Infinity (the only email devotional I read Monday-Friday) was another stellar essay by Jill Carrattini:

There is Still Room

I encourage you to read the entire devotional (and sign up to receive it regularly too—I’ve never received ANY solicitations or SPAM from them. Ever. And the essays are usually very good).

But since I’m running out the door right now to take almost-final-SALE-orders to the post office, bring our poor little car to the shop (could this be the end of our Honda?), get Soph to swim lessons and Lilikoi to the vet (hooray for domestic-diva-Momma-days, eh?!), I only have time to leave you with this tiny snippet from the essay to tempt you to read on:

"We typically fill our parties with people similar to ourselves. We invite into our homes those we work with, play with, or otherwise have something in common with ...

The man in the parable of the great banquet is no different. The story is told in Luke chapter 14 of an affluent master of ceremonies who had invited a great number of people like himself to a meal. The list was likely distinguished ...but none would come.

Anthropologists characterize the culture of Jesus’s day as an “honor/shame” society, where one’s quality of life was directly affected by the amount of honor or shame socially attributed to him or her. The public eye was paramount; every interaction either furthered or diminished one’s standing, honor, and regard in the eyes of the world.

Thus, in this parable, the master of the banquet had just been deliberately and publicly shamed. He was pushed to the margins of society and treated with the force of contempt. Hearers of this parable would have been waiting with baited breath to hear how this man would attempt to reclaim his honor. But in fact, the master of the feast did not attempt to reverse his public shame. Altogether curiously, he embraced it ...

It is a staggering portrayal of a God who is shamed by the rejection of his people, and yet continues to respond with unfathomable grace and profound invitation into his presence ...

The longing to belong in the right circles is a desire that touches us all. Even so, one only has to watch a group of kids on playground to see how easily our desire to belong is corrupted by our need to exclude. The inner circle is not inner if there are no outsiders. Lines of honor and shame are futile if the majority is not on the wrong side. But God has broken these lines of demarcation ..."

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that Fred and I went through a surprising and frighteningly isolated/lonely/despair-filled season of marriage last year.

(I say “surprising” because if you had asked me years ago if we would ever feel so distant from each other and struggle so much in our friendship and marriage, I would’ve said no. I don’t think I was naive enough to ever presume that we wouldn’t have some level of struggle and suffering as a couple, I just never thought it would get SO BAD. But it did.)

Thankfully, after running away/ignoring the problem for too long, and having reached pretty much rock-bottom in how we related (or, more accurately, DIDN’T relate) with one another, we started being more open about needing help. And God graciously brought us timely, faithful, grace-based love and counseling from our pastor and friends.

Over the course of the last year, things have slowly and gradually improved. So I was quite surprised when my heart was SO tempted to pull back again last night after we had a difficult, frustrating conversation over (of all the silly things!) a CAR SEAT.

But there I lay in the darkness, paralyzed by how much we were missing each other. A part of me wanting to work through it. A part of me wanting to just keep my back to Fred and go to sleep (or at least lie there until HE went to sleep and then get up and do more filing/organizing—my oft' drug of choice).

Thankfully, instead, I remembered one of the first things Pastor Jason said to us last summer after we had both unloaded a bit of our story re: just how AWFUL things were. He looked at us with love. He wrapped us in compassion. And then he said:

"I know this is extremely painful for both of you and you’re both feeling hopeless that it will ever change. But I want to encourage you that I KNOW it WILL change. Things will get better. But not in your own strength.

Neither of you has the resources to “fix” this. You can’t make these problems go away and return your marriage to a safe, loving, open relationship.

But there are resources beyond you! God is real. He is with you. He has and is everything you need for life and godliness. He has given you Himself. He promises to always be with you.

You’re forgetting Him right now. But He never forgets you.

You’re forgetting His promises and His help right now. But He never falters. He never wavers.

What are the resources you have that are beyond yourselves?"

As I lay there in the dark last night, so tempted to run away emotionally, so tempted to NOT TRY ... I did pray.

I prayed that God would please help us. That He would give me the faith and grace to remember Him and trust in His promises. That by relying on Him, on His resources, on His character (goodness, faithfulness, kindness, compassion, omnipotence, holiness), we would please FIND A WAY through this silly, but not-so-silly, fight.

And even though it necessitated a trip to the garage at 11PM, with lots of time looking for a car seat instruction booklet (that I’m FAIRLY certain our paper-eating-addict-of-a-Golden-Retriever ATE) and then rebuilding and reinstalling a car seat ... we did go to bed feeling a little bit connected, talking a touching a little bit, and NOT even dipping one toe into the dark, escapist waters of non-communication that truly drown marital friendship and love.

I am grateful. Still not all “lovey-dovey-feeling” inside. But grateful—mostly that God is real; He cares about little ol' Fred and Tara in Billings, Montana; and He truly is at work conforming us to Christ and building His Kingdom:

"The apostles said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith!’" Luke 17:5

“For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purposes.” Philippians 2:13

“Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name—the name you gave me.” John 17:11

He does. He truly does.

Hope you have a blessed Monday and a wonderful week.

Yours,
Tara B.

Just a reminder that you only have two more days to enter to WIN FREE BOOKS and/or take advantage of our HUGE SALE on my women’s study materials.

Both offers will come down at midnight (Mtn), June 30, 2009. And while I assume that I’ll give away more free stuff in the future (because I love to do so!), I can’t imagine that I’ll EVER have permission to sell the women’s study for these prices EVER AGAIN.

So please don’t miss out if you’re planning to participate!

Soph really amazed me with her perseverance doing a 23-piece, three dimensional dinosaur puzzle this weekend:



She asked for my help and I was happy to encourage her and try my best to serve her. But seriously? One glance at those instructions and my verbally-prone, non-spatial brain went, “Huh?!” Still, we got through it—even as she had to, at times, tear apart what she had already done in order to fit other pieces in. I thought that was pretty cool for a five year old.

We also had a fun time when she “signed us up” for her “mountain climbing and snow boarding class.” From inside our living room (where she sat with her nametag and clip board “interviewing” us), we had no idea what we were getting into ... but apparently it had to do with some pretty elaborate stunts with a rope tied to her slide:



(These are the kinds of things that I REALLY try hard to support and enjoy without cringing and worrying. I’m sure that those of you with boys must just LAUGH at me and think, “If you only knew ...” But it’s so hard for me! Especially when she falls off the “mountain” and dangles by the rope and crashes into the swing set ... Oh! It can be hard to be the Momma and not overreact. But I DO want her to enjoy outside play and “remember her Montana roots.” )

Last photos from our Sabbath ...

Fred and Sophie are, right now, out on the Lean Green Riding Machine—our family’s nickname for our new super-cool ride-behind bike. (We had borrowed one from a friend for a few days to see if they would really like it and they LOVED IT.) And thanks to a very, very generous gift from Fred’s brother Tom, not only do we have some help for Ella’s medical bills, we have the Lean Green Riding Machine too!



How I marvel that God lavishes so many luxurious blessings on a saved sinner like me.

Hope your weekend was a blessed one too!

With love,
Tara B.

PS
Ella’s kick kick kicking away as I type this. Four weeks to the day tomorrow, we’ll head to the hospital at 6AM for a 7:30AM c-section. Can you believe it? I think Fred and I are actually starting to engage in with the idea that, Lord willing, we really might have a newborn in the house in a few short weeks! Wow.

This past week, I have focused particularly hard on helping Sophia learn how to give herself more grace. She’s just such a focused, driven child that sometimes, she is simply WAY too hard on herself. (I have NO idea where she gets this tendency from. Must be her calm, gracious, kind daddy, right? Not her JD/MBA driver Type-A Momma. No way! )

Anyway ... we’ve had a really good week talking about and praying about not overreacting to foibles and mistakes, correction and instruction, and just being an imperfect person in an imperfect world.

A key part of our discussions has been learning to discern the difference between SIN (for which we repent and there are painful consequences and forgiveness) and LIFE IN A FALLEN WORLD (for which we learn to walk through with GRACE). A few examples:

- Immaturity: Sometimes just accidentally and sometimes foolishly, five year olds (and 39 year old mothers!) do immature things like misjudging how much they can carry up the stairs (and end up dropping things) or forgetting to the put the milk away. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE. Don’t overreact and hide your face in despair! Learn. Grow. And move on.

- Ignorance: Guess what? Five year olds (and 39 year olds and 99 year olds) don’t know everything! We read and listen and ask questions and study because there are lots and lots of things we are quite ignorant of. We need to learn and grow. It’s a part of life. If you could play that Suzuki Book 2 song perfectly at the start, you wouldn’t need to take lessons or practice. Give yourself a break! It’s hard to learn something new, but almost everything of real worth takes effort. Don’t be overly frustrated, learn to enjoy the process of growing and learning. (And oh! The satisfaction and JOY when you master something new and can just relax and take PLEASURE in it.)

- Outright Sins of Defiance and Disobedience: We don’t “give ourselves grace” and “forbear” when we are sinning. We repent and confess. For example ... when I came downstairs the other day and Sophie said, “I’m trying to give myself grace, Mom, but I feel SO GUILTY.” And then I found out WHY she felt guilty? (Fred had commanded her to STOP chewing on her barrettes and she was, again, chewing on her barrettes.) I instructed her that no, she shouldn’t “give herself grace” in this situation. She should repent and yes, put her hope and confidence in the fact that God IS a gracious God and he WILL forgive her and give her a clean start. But in this moment? Right now? She is called to repent.

- Guilt Over Past Sins: Oh my! But does my kid have a LONG memory. And sometimes she still CRINGES over things she’s done even years ago (!). Some of them, she hasn’t yet confessed to God and to us. (Like yesterday when she confessed to coloring the grout in our tile with a pencil, “When she was 3 or 4 years old.”) Of course, we just helped her to confess and trust that she is forgiven.

But it gets harder, doesn’t it, when she struggles with self-condemnation over sins that she has already confessed and been forgiven for. (Seriously. Where DOES she get this propensity from? Hah. If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know that this kid truly IS her mother’s daughter.) Isn’t THIS where the rubber hits the road as far as the gospel is concerned? In THIS moment, we will either believe the lies of Satan, the world, and our Old Man-tainted feelings. Or, by FAITH, we will believe that what GOD SAYS is true. That God is not a liar and HE silences the lies and condemnation of devil and the world. Yes, our feelings can be strong, but TRUTH is stronger.

So that’s why we study and memorize SCRIPTURE.

To help me to do so this week, I pulled out Michael Horton’s fantastic book, Putting Amazing Back into Grace: Embracing the Heart of the Gospel because worth the price of the book alone is his Appendix of Scriptures on sin and grace. In it, he quotes the great Donald Bloesch in saying, "It’s time for less dialogue, and more monologue—with God doing the talking!"

Amen! So let’s hear the truth and believe the gospel. There really IS “Grace that will pardon and cleanse within ...”:

"For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:9

“Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us.” Galatians 3:13

“'For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,' says the Lord, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10

How fun!

In addition to having the joy of ENDORSING Elyse Fitzpatrick and Dennis Johnson’s new book, now I get to GIVE YOU A FREE COPY too!

Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken People to the Love of Christ

And since I love to give away Christ-exalting, biblical and practical resources, how about if I give you a free copy of Nancy Guthrie’s new book too?

Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow

Just leave a comment by midnight (Mtn), June 30, 2009 and we’ll draw one name at random to receive the free books.

Here’s the fine print ... (I’m such a lawyer ...)

- Please be sure that I have some way to reach you or check back on July 1 to see if you’ve won.

- You can share your contact information with me with confidence because I HATE SPAM and I will never give your contact information to ANYONE.

- If I can’t reach the winner by July 10, I’ll give the books to the next name drawn.

And also please note that our HUGE SALE on my Women’s DVD Study ("Living the Gospel in Relationships") will end at the exact same time (midnight, June 30). So if you’d like to save BIG BUCKS and have FREE USA SHIPPING too, please be sure to get your order in by June 30.

Hope you enjoy the free books!

G'nite and God bless,
Tara B.

PS
Unlike the really popular/big-name blogs, I hardly ever have ANYONE enter my little drawings for free stuff. So if you do leave a comment and join in the fun, you have a very high likelihood of winning. I think our last giveaway only had like 20 entries. Pretty good odds for winning free books! I really hope they bless whoever gets them. Love & blessings — tkb

PPS
Wasn’t it kind of Ed Welch to give this winsome endorsement of my video series?

"Here is a one-stop guide for relationships. It is filled with Scripture. It will point you to Jesus at every opportunity. It is very practical. And Tara’s style makes it uniquely for women. As a man, I might not seem authorized to recommend something by a woman and for women, but I appeal to my years of being surrounded by women – a wife, then two daughters, and now a granddaughter. Tara speaks clearly to them, and I’m sure she doesn’t mind that I learned some things, and felt some conviction, as I sneaked around watching the videos." —Ed Welch, faculty and counselor at CCEF

I was reflecting yesterday about how we all, at times, peer in on certain relationships and wish we would easily “fit in.”

It could be a prayer group or a playdate; the “leaders” of your church or organization; a certain small group; or even just a set of friends who always seem to be sharing in inside laugh about some outing, adventure, or time just hanging out around the grill.

It feels so good to be wanted! To enfold into a group of people who say, “We like her! She’s great! We love to spend time together.”

This is a natural, human tendency. We were created to worship (God) and that means we were created for relationship. Our relationship with God overflows into our human relationships ("Love God and love neighbor ..."), so I don’t think there is anything wrong with this propensity.

It’s how we respond when we DON’T GET WHAT WE WANT that matters.

Are we bitter?

Do we pull back from the people who we perceive as “rejecting” us? (And maybe they ARE rejecting us. Do we reject them in response? Or do we serve, love, and pray for them? Do we enjoy whatever level of relationship we DO get to have with them without demanding MORE MORE MORE?)

Rather than rejoicing in the relationships and friendships we DO have, are we malcontent? Jealous? ENVIOUS?

(Remember Plantinga’s chapter on Envy from "Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin"? My quick paraphrase: Envy is when jealousy turns that ugly corner from just wanting what the other person has to wanting THEM to NOT HAVE IT (wanting bad things for them) AND wanting what they have. Yeep!)

If our response is anything other than running to Christ and finding ourselves fully in Him; sure, being honest about our feelings and even grieving when we are legitimately lonely; but then responding with gracious, selfless, forbearing kindness and love ... then we need to get help because we are caught in sin.

And just like any other sin, if we give our love, time, emotions, attention, energy—WORSHIP—over to this desire for people to like us and include us, it will be our destruction. Because people will never love and accept us “enough.” Friends will never be “good enough” friends. They won’t always “get us.” We won’t always be “included.”

If we are looking to PEOPLE for our security and happiness, we are going to end up insecure and miserable.

(Plus, being so over-focused on the acceptance of PEOPLE is a clear sign of our immaturity as Believers. I was trying to illustrate that last point for you this morning with a great CS Lewis essay about men who are always trying to “get a seat at the cool kids' table”. (Again, my paraphrase of course. Man! I am so not representing these great theologians very well, am I?) But having spent a few hours this morning going through a number of his books and essays while I waited for Fred and Soph to wake up, I still can’t find the essay. I’ll post it if I do ...)

The bottomline is that community is good. Friendship is good. Relationships are important. But they are not God. The gospel calls us to cultivate, delight in, and even work hard on our relationships—but NOT make an idolatrous demand out of them.

(BTW—as usual, I am so convicted even as I type these words because WOW! It just seems like I am surrounded these days by grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins who are all delighting in new babies and helping young families, etc. etc. And I have REALLY had to fight against allowing my feelings of isolation/aloneness to develop into jealousy and envy. I have SO MUCH to be grateful for! And yet, my heart is so prone to wander; so prone to selfishness and sick with self-love that even I who have been SO BLESSED would be tempted to complain. Oh, how grateful I am that God has mercy on me!)

Last point on this topic: It seems to me that some of us are particularly prone to a) struggle in relationships; and then b) struggle with feeling very, very lonely when we don’t have “plentiful” and “easy” relationships.

Maybe we have really poor social skills because we didn’t grow up around healthy, functioning people who modeled and taught us how to BE in relationships. We’re learning and maturing as adults, but we still function in the Pre-K level of how to be a good friend, work on a team, converse in a group setting ... love our neighbor.

Perhaps we’ve been tremendously hurt, betrayed, attacked, and abandoned by people we trusted; and even though God is growing us in grace and healing deep hurts, we still have a bit of a “guarded” nature. It’s hard for us to reach out. We try to love freely and openly, but we still have a little bit of self-protection deep down inside. (And since the majority of communication is non-verbal, even though we don’t WANT to communicate this about ourselves, WE DO. And it makes it hard for people to get to know us.)

Maybe we REALLY relate to my "Female Leaders with Powerful Personalities" teaching because we just have one of those driver, Type-A, “strong” personalities that can be, well, GREAT in a crisis, but a little hard to relax around / love / enjoy when you first get to know us. And yes, we are learning how to be more gentle and appropriate to various social situations, but still ... some people are just easier to get to know. The Freds and Samaras of the world are, well, really pleasant and fun to be around and some of us take a little more effort to love.

Whatever the case, whether our cup overflows with happy, healthy friendships; or if we are currently grieving in our loneliness ... God is with us. He has promised (covenanted) to be our God and we are the people of His pasture.

So what can Man do to us?
What grief are we called to bear in this life that is too great?

Jesus has overcome the world; He has deprived the world of its power to ULTIMATELY hurt us (John 16:33).
He cares about us. He saves us from our sin, from Hell, from ourselves.
He is our Savior, Brother, and He even calls us His friends.

That’s enough “fitting in” for me. I pray it is for you too.

Blessings on your Friday!

Yours,
Tara B.

We’re almost done with our summer women’s study on Tim Keller’s “The Prodigal God”, and I think I speak for all of the women participating when I say that it’s been a wonderful, convicting, encouraging time of learning more about God, ourselves, and especially the GOSPEL. (I highly commend this book to you!)

Throughout the study, we’ve been trying to APPLY what we are learning, especially as it pertains to how many of us have “elder brother tendencies” to:

- Do “good” things (and avoid “bad”) things, but for wrong ("damnable") motivations
- Want the good things that God the Father gives us, but not REALLY want HIM
- Judge, criticize, and reject people who “don’t measure up” and people who are caught in sin

(And I could go on and on.)

I’m thinking about all of this in particular today as I awoke to the headlines of another “conservative” caught in sin. It’s horror to be sure and my heart breaks for that family.

But I am also reflecting on the elder brother blogs and commentaries that I’ve already seen with only five minutes of checking in on things:

"How COULD he?!"

“I just don’t UNDERSTAND this!”

“I would NEVER ...”

Not to make light of sin, of course. And yes, it is shockingly AWFUL when these kind of things comes out. (If it doesn’t offend and break your heart, then something is seriously wrong.)

BUT ... but ...

The truth is that, if we have even a basic, elementary understanding of the doctrine of indwelling sin, we KNOW “how we could do this.” Of course we “understand” this. And yes, even if it seems IMPOSSIBLE to us to imagine being unfaithful to our spouses. we know that sin is insidious, our hearts are bent, Satan is real, and before we should ever say, “I would NEVER ...” as regards any sin, we had better think very carefully and soberly about what we are saying.

All of this takes me back to many hours of my childhood, being in and out of the “AA” scene because of my alcoholic family.

(And no, I don’t think AA has a solid, biblical theology. And yes, I would and do point people to CCEF Resources on Addiction before I point people to AA. However ...)

“Old Timers” (people who’ve been around AA for a long time) usually respond to shocking admissions of sin and horribleness WAY differently than most Christians. They don’t say, “How COULD you?!”They say, "I’m just like you."

Shouldn’t this be our response in the Church?

Maybe I can’t relate to your EXACT sin and struggle. But I surely know what it is like to struggle with sin.

And yes, we are called to repent of our long list of specific sins—but how much more are we called to go deeper; to see ourselves rightly; to confess that it’s not just WHAT we do that needs forgiveness, it’s who we ARE that needs God’s mercy (our fallenness, “bent-ness”, unbelief, innate selfishness and pride).

We are all desperate for the Savior! Thank God that He has come and He has saved us and He IS saving us.

Now ... let’s walk this journey of growth in grace, growth in sanctification, TOGETHER; with mutual accountability, encouragement, discipline, rebuke, exhortation, faith, LOVE. Love for God and love for neighbor.

Oh, that one day, there would be more grace in our churches than there is at most AA meetings! Because we have the True Answer:

"Then Jesus told them ... ‘The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going. Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of light.’" (John 12:35-36)

Have you read Bryan Chapell’s book, “Praying Backwards: Transform Your Prayer Life by Beginning in Jesus' Name”? It came out the same year as Judy’s and my book (Peacemaking Women), so I was blessed to get a free copy from Dr. Chapell at a Baker Book House dinner.

I remember as I first read it how, unlike many other books on prayer that I have read, I actually stopped and PRAYED more AS I read it. In fact, even as I picked it up again this morning to enjoy a little re-read, my heart was instantly drawn to pray. And so I did. I prayed in thanksgiving to God for Who He is, His wonderful attributes, and His care. I prayed for Fred (who didn’t make it home from Peacemakers until after midnight!) and for Sophie’s and my day. I even prayed for this blog entry I would write.

So ... why does a little book help me in prayer (an area of life, by the way, that I could really use some help in)? Historically, I have often found sermons, books, articles, and conversations on prayer FASCINATING ... but I have lived for long stretches as a quite prayerless Christian. This is to my shame.

The bottomline is that, like the great preacher he is, Dr. Chapell exposits Scripture with keen insights and practical, applicable, real-life examples. And any time I understand Scripture better, I see Christ. And when I see Christ, I want to pray.

Let me give you just a few examples from Chapters 5 and 6. One of the verses he expounds is Philippians 4:6:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6)

He teaches extensively on praying boldly as a child of God (empowered prayer as the identity of a son, imposing prayer, pervasive prayer in small matters and great matters, miraculous prayer). And then he tells the story of a time when he was a teenager, working alongside of an older man, racing to hammer drywall in place for the seam sealers who were coming to remodel a church building.

"At one point he dropped a nail and backed away from the wall to find it. I waited while he circled the floor once and then again for the nail.

Finally, I said, “Why don’t you just get another nail?”

“I just prayed that God would help me find that nail so no one would step on it,” he said, “and I feel like I owe it to him to look for it a bit.”

“You prayed about finding a nail?” I asked. “Maybe we ought to save prayer for things a little bit bigger.”

“Oh no, Bryan,” he said. “The Bible says ‘in everything, by prayer and petition ... present your requests to God.’”

This man did not know the Greek languages of the New Testament or the intricacies of systematic theology, but he understood biblical prayer. Through him I learned that a consistent prayer life brings to God matters both large and small. My friend knew could bother God with little things because he knew his Father in heaven encourages us to pray about everything."

So does that mean that God always gives us what we pray for? No. As he goes on in the next chapter to illustrate with stories from the life of George Mueller.

(If you’re not aware of who George Mueller is, he ran an orphanage that saved thousands of children in the 1800’s and he never asked for any funds. “He simply prayed for their needs and God had always supplied.”)

"Mueller’s biographer says the minister wrote down prayer requests because he believed a permanent record of specific prayers and answers helps accumulate “evidence in our own experience that God is to us personally a prayer-hearing God.” In his lifetime, Mueller recorded fifty thousand answers to specific prayers ...

Mueller’s oft-cited expectancy of God’s intervention was not a presumptive confidence in God’s doing all that the one praying asked. Mueller used Jesus' name with the expectation that God would answer in the way that most glorified the Savior.

Maintaining such expectation must have been difficult after some of Mueller’s prayers. During the same time that God was repeatedly rescuing children through the orphanage, Mueller’s own child was stillborn, and his wife became grievously ill. Through the course of his life, Mueller buried two stillborn children, a one-year old son, and adult daughter, and two wives.

Why would God allow such vastly different responses to prayer? Until we are with him, we will not know. But now we can know his divine character, and we can trust the One who provided Jesus for us to listen to us and to do the best for our eternity and his glory." (emphasis mine)

That last paragraph reminded me of a time, twenty years ago, when a friend of mine was suffering horrifically with end-stage cancer. In a Sunday school class, her husband asked through his tears WHY God would allow this. Many people sought to comfort him, reminding him of God’s goodness and sovereignty, trying to point out good things, etc.

But the teacher of the class, a man who had also lived through inexplicable suffering in his life, responded thusly:

"I don’t know."

And then he held the man as they weeped.

I think that is an illustration of why I titled this post the way I did. It’s from an old Spurgeon quote that you probably know:

"I never pray more than five minutes at a time, but I never go five minutes without praying."

Why? Because God is a relational God. He doesn’t just save a generic class of “people.” He saves his children, his child, YOU. An individual. With fears, joys, quirks, concerns, happiness, gifts, worry, delight. He cares about YOU. He cares about ME. And we stay “connected” to God, we grow close to God, we trust God even when we don’t have a CLUE as to what He is doing, as we bring to him even the small ("insignificant") details of life. Because, isn’t that just like a REAL FRIEND or an INVOLVED PARENT? You know, the person who actually wraps his arms around you and doesn’t judge you or try to fix you, but just weeps with you? Stays close to you? Stays in touch with you and WANTS to know about the “little things” because that keeps your hearts knitted together so that you know who to call at 2AM when the “big things” come?

That’s prayer.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

I only have a moment because we need to leave for Sophie’s swim lessons (isn’t summer fun?!), but I wanted to share a huge praise report with you re: NOT raising my voice / getting frustrated over the HUGE MESS in our schoolroom and the girls' bedroom.

Usually, I help Sophie to stay on top of the chaos (markers, books, stickers, craft supplies, magnifying glasses, American Girl STUFF, audio CDs, necklaces, mosaics, puzzles, games ...YEEK!), but lately I’ve found it extremely hard to BEND over a five pound baby inside and I’ve just been plain LAZY about helping her to keep things organized.

But this week I set two goals:

1. Get the chaos under control.
2. NOT SIN while doing so.

You see ... even without the extra challenges associated with being nine months pregnant, I often get extremely irritated by the LITTLE things that Sophie doesn’t do to keep these areas picked up.

I don’t mind helping with the organizational SCHEMES because a) I like organizing; and b) I know that a five year-old shouldn’t be expected to figure out HOW to keep zillions of things organized. Adults even have a hard time with that!

But the colored pencils that are on the floor NEXT TO the colored pencil bin? The stickers that pile on the table NEXT TO the sticker container? You know, the thing we ALL do because we’re ALL inherently lazy ... not take 30 seconds to put things away properly so that they build up and build up until it’s just a MESS?

In the past, I have used a harsh tone of voice with Sophie over this. Rather than working together as a team to tackle the chaos and get things straightened up, I have sinned. Just like Paul Tripp says in his (great!) book, A Quest for More––Living for Something Bigger Than You :

"We are all capable of fighting for what has little value while forgetting things of transcendent value.

In a flash of irritation, a mom will treat the conditionof her son’s bedroom as being more valuable than the community she is to have with her son, which is so essential to what God wants to do for this boy through her ..."

But yesterday? Rather than just roll down the gutter of my past pattern into sin, God helped me to do something NEW. By FAITH.

- I repented: I asked God and Sophie to forgive me for my past sins in this regard and then I asked God to help me to CHANGE.

- I prayed: As soon as I started to feel those same feelings of anger and frustration, I stopped. And prayed.

- I set more realistic goals: Rather than trying to get the entire area under control, Sophie and I worked as a team on a reasonable goal and then we REJOICED that we had made some progress without sinning.

- And then RESTED. Nothing like a few chapters of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s “Farmer Boy” (We love the Little House series!) and some fresh raspberries to celebrate a little progress.

I know that this might not seem like a big deal to all of you laid-back, relaxed, happy, calm friends of mine. (Hi Samara! ) But I’m trusting that any of you Type-A, driven, prone-to-sin-in-this-way friends will relate and may even rejoice with me.

Grace grace grace! I’m so grateful.

Hope you have a wonderful Tuesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

I was so excited when Pastor Thabiti Anyabwile’s latest book arrived this week:

May We Meet in the Heavenly World:
The Piety of Lemuel Haynes (1753-1833)

I’m ashamed by my ignorance, but until Pastor Anyabwile let us know about this great man, Lemuel Haynes, I simply never knew that “there had in fact been a long line of learned, passionate, and articulate African-Americans within the Reformed tradition” (from the Foreword by Anthony J. Carter)—more or less from the time of the founding of the USA.

As soon as I found out, I bought the book because I wanted to learn more! And now I can’t put the book down. I just want to keep reading about this man who Pastor Anyabwile describes thusly:

"His life of faithful pastoral ministry, spanning over fifty years, leaves us a rich legacy from which to learn. His power as a preacher, precision as a theologian, carefulness as a pastor, and joviality as a brother all instruct us centuries later on what faithfulness entails. His love for the Savior and longing for eternity call us out of ourselves and upward to the Bishop and Overseer of our souls."

God gave me a great grace this weekend when, in a conversation with Fred and Sophia about idols of the heart, Sophie said this to me:

"Mom, you can see some of your idols when you look at how you USED TO raise your voice so much to me."

I was so happy! PROGRESS! God really has been helping me to NOT yell/raise my voice in a harsh tone. Hooray!

But then ... but then ...

In another conversation, I was talking with Sophie about how I am praying that God will help me to be more patient. And she replied (respectfully, kindly, but I still felt the force of the content of what she shared):

"That’s great, Mom, because it really makes me sad how much I frustrate you."

And then, when I asked for more information (because I really DO want to change), she demonstrated a facial expression and tone of voice that, well, broke my heart.

It was me. All of it. Ungracious, impatient, frustrated and unpleasant.

Oh oh oh! I am so grateful that Sophie is such a forgiving child. And I am putting all of my hope in the assurance I have that God is such a forgiving God and that He is helping me to grow in grace.

Because, otherwise, I would feel very hopeless about how many times I fail to incarnate Christ in parenting my little love-bug.

One day at a time, eh?
One moment at a time.
Always dependent, utterly, on God’s grace.

Hope your week is a great one!

Yours,
Tara B.

Just a quick note to say HELLO and WELCOME to any viewers of the television show “The Bridge” that might be stopping by after my interviews about Peacemaking Women.



I hope that you enjoy poking around my current posts and old archives too. Please note that we also have a HUGE SALE on my Women’s DVD Study ("Living the Gospel in Relationships") going on for only nine more days, so please be sure to check that out if you are interested in any discounted resources.

So happy you are here with us!

Blessings and joy,
Tara B.

PS
My two-day interview on the Miracle Channel is airing June 22-23 at 3:00 AM, 6:30 AM, 10:30 AM & 8 PM (MTN).

I haven’t blogged about reading through Calvin’s Institutes for awhile (probably because I’m SO behind in my “read through the Institutes in a year” plan).

(BTW—Do you think an exhausted, drugged from surgery new mom could possibly hold up that giant book and read/catch up in the hospital recovering from a c-section? Probably not, I’m thinkin'.)

But today I was reading in Hall and Lillback’s “A Theological Guide to Calvin’s Institutes” and quotes like these have thoroughly enticed me to get back in the saddle and continue reading the actual Institutes, even though I’m so behind schedule for reading through them in one year:

"Yet we must not understand that Christ fell under a curse that overwhelmed him; rather—in taking the curse upon himself—he crushed, broke, and scattered its whole force. Hence faith apprehends an acquittal in the condemnation of Christ, a blessing in his curse. Paul with good reason, therefore, magnificently proclaims the triumph that Christ obtained for himself on the cross, as if the cross, which was full of shame, had been changed into a triumphant chariot [Col. 2:14-15]!"

“Briefly, he alone is a true believer, who convinced by a firm conviction that God is a kindly and well-disposed Father toward him, promises himself all things on the basis of his generosity; who, relying upon the promises of divine benevolence toward him, lays hold on an undoubted expectation of salvation ...” [3.2.16]

It’s been a strange little journey for me (because in many ways I am SO behind the times technologically), but over the past few months, I have become a TINY bit of a regular FaceBook (FB) user.

No, I still don’t do ANY quizzes or games, etc. on FB. And I decline, well, 99.99% of all requests I EVER get for anything.

But, I have found it to be a convenient (and even fun) way to stay in touch with people. And this week, I signed up THIS BLOG on FaceBook.

I’m not exactly sure what that means, but apparently, FB “reads” my blog and publishes it right into the accounts of people who want to read it. This saves them the step of coming over “here” (isn’t the Internet a little strange?) and reading it, so that’s great.

The thing is, FB only reads my blog (the official term is “pulls” my blog) every four hours, but if just TWO MORE PEOPLE sign up to read my blog on FaceBook, they’ll pull it every three hours.

So ... I was wondering if any of you (who already are FaceBook users anyway) might please consider signing up to follow my blog on Facebook.

'Twould be grand!

Thanks, all. Hope your Saturday was a blessed one.

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Did you know that even if your mom is nine months pregnant you CAN play Twister ALONE or with your favorite LoveBunny stuffed animal to pass the time while Daddy works all day on a Saturday?

Every once in awhile, I am given a great gift by an author or publishing firm and asked to review either a manuscript for endorsement or a final book for promotion.

As a bibliophile who is REALLY trying to stay on budget and NOT buy as many books (!!), receiving manuscripts and books in the mail is like a teeny bit of Christmas in a Media Mail envelope. I love it.

I particularly love it when I can not only whole-heartedly recommend the books for others—but I, myself, am edified, encouraged, and helped along this journey of growing in grace. What gifts these brilliant, articulate, biblical, winsome authors have!

I am happy to recommend the two books that came to me this week:

Counsel from the Cross: Connecting Broken People to the Love of Christ (by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and Dennis E. Johnson)

Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow (by Nancy Guthrie)

Some of you may recall that I blogged about “Counsel from the Cross” earlier in the year. It is fantastic. Buy it. Share it with your friends and church leaders who interact with broken people (that’s all of us, right?). You won’t regret it. It is RICH with the gospel, biblical, and PRACTICAL for real life.

This is what they published of my endorsement:

"Counsel from the Cross is a treasure of gospel-proclaiming, biblical, and practical help for every person striving to grow in grace and help others to do the same. Professional counselors, church leaders, and laypeople will all benefit from the accessible case studies drawn from the authors’ decades of experience ministering to real people in real situations. This is no mere how-to manual. If seemingly hopeless cycles of sin and immaturity are tempting you to wonder if real change is even possible, Counsel from the Cross is just the book to encourage you and help you to remember both what the gospel declares about us and what it demands of us."

This was my first reading of Nancy Guthrie’s wonderful book, Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow, but I found it to be honest, personal, profound, and Christ-exaltingly helpful. I am quite sure that the next time I am crushed by sorrow (or striving to minister to someone who is suffering), I will turn to it again. The discussion questions at the end of the book (one set for each chapter) lend themselves particularly well for friend/lay counseling or study in a group setting.

I would write more but it’s late and I’m beat. Plus, I’m feeling a TINY bit out of sorts because my entire pack (save Ella) is currently sleeping OUTSIDE in my BACKYARD in a daddy-daughter camping adventure:





I miss them, but I am THRILLED to be parking my 9-month-pregnant bod in our exceedingly comfortable bed that is ten steps away from our (I’ll be visiting it at least eight times tonight) bathroom. No sleeping on the ground for me, no sir.

G'nite and God bless!

Yours,
Tara B.

We had another exhausting, but wonderful, day at the Montana Music Institute.



Sophie is doing such a fine job in her first little orchestra. I am proud of her for practicing hard, persevering during rehearsals (jumping back in when she gets lost, not being distracted by the (few) kids who talk/misbehave), and creating such beautiful music.

If you’d like a sample, here is a 20-second excerpt from one of their little pieces:



And here is a video from the first two minutes of Pachelbel’s Canon in D:



But the thing that made my heart REALLY sing this morning was when I was carrying the (gorgeous!) tissue-paper flower that she had worked VERY hard on in art class to make (choosing colors, folding, tracing, cutting, piecing together) ... and then (!!) I accidentally dropped it in a MUD puddle as we were getting into the car.

It was 100% ruined. Instantly. Water and mud just destroy a tissue paper flower and there is no restoring it.

But by God’s grace, Sophie’s FIRST response to my “Oh no! I am SO sorry! Oh no!” cry was:

"It’s OK, Momma. It’s OK. It was an accident. It’s OK, Mom."

I was amazed.

I told her how such a merciful response was an evidence of God’s grace at work in her heart. I told her how grateful I was and how proud I was of her—and I said that it seems to me that most children (and even most adults—including MYSELF!) would rarely respond so graciously to someone ruining something that they had worked on so hard and cared about.

How sweet to see her taking after her father, ol' Steady, Patient, Kind Freddy.
(And after her Heavenly Father too.)

Hope your week is progressing well! I’m in the midst of laundry (clean sheet day! hooray!) and I may even Swiffer away some Golden Retriever dust bunnies (slowly and not overdoing it of course).

Blessings to you—
Tara B.

PS
Tuesday night we had a very nice time at a “Big Sister Class” at the hospital where Ella will be born:



But this was my favorite photo of the night:



(No, this is NOT how they taught us to care for our newborns.)

Oh my STARS! But I just LOVE this book!



Darwin on Trial by Phillip E. Johnson

I first learned about Professor Johnson back in law school. (He was a University of California Berkeley Law Professor until he suffered a series of strokes back in 2001.) I heard him speak at a Christian Legal Society Conference (he became a Christian later in life, I think in his forties, after he had been a tenured law professor for many years), and I was immediately impressed not only by his brilliance, but also by his humility and wry humor.

I started reading his books at that conference and I’ve loved every one I’ve read.

If you enjoy logical, dispassionate, rhetoric/name-calling-FREE discussions about eternally important topics (like evolution), then I strongly urge you to read his works.

In re-reading Darwin on Trial this week, I was trying to keep track of quotes to share with you but OH MY there are just too many. I’d really like to quote the entire book to you—but instead, I’ll just (hopefully) tempt you to read it yourself with a few lines from the Epilogue:

"One thing I am not doing is taking sides in a Bible-science conflict. I am interested in what unbiased scientific investigation has to tell us about the history of life, and in particular about how the enormously complex organs of plants and animals came into existence ...

The philosophically important part of the Darwinian theory—its mechanism for creating complex things that did not exist before—is therefore not really part of empirical science at all, but rather a deduction from naturalistic philosophy. In brief, what makes me a “critic of evolution” is that I distinguish between naturalistic philosophy and empirical science, and oppose the former when it comes cloaked in the authority of the latter ..."

(I think one of the reasons I love this book so much is because it hits my dual-love of law (rules of evidence!) and philosophy and does so in a very readable, logical, I would even say enjoyable manner. But Fred said I should probably warn you that he found the book to be a bit dense/hard to read.)

Oh, and if you’ve never heard of Phillip E. Johnson/Darwin on Trial and decide to google either, be further forewarned that MAN! Is he MALIGNED. Especially on the (I’ve found it to be QUITE biased and I wouldn’t trust it for anything more than a starlet’s birth date and even then I’d be skeptical) Wikipedia. Nothing like TRUTH to bring out irrational, ill-informed critics.

Let me close, then, with just a few more lines on that topic. Again, from the Epilogue, beginning with how Professor Johnson responded to a scathing attack he received from Stephen Jay Gould in Scientific American:

"Gould listed a string of objections about matters that had nothing to do with the main line of argument (see the research notes following this chapter for a summary of Gould’s specific objections) ...

None of this would have impressed anyone who had read the book, but most readers of Scientific American would not have done so and would be likely to assume that Gould was describing it accurately. They were not likely to hear anything to the contrary because the editors refused to print my response or any letters from readers, although I know they received many.

Far from being discouraged by this treatment, I was elated ...

Everyone who was following the controversy assumed that Gould was the most formidable adversary I would encounter and many were waiting to see if he would come up with a devastating response. That he could do no better than a hit-and-run attack was an implicit admission that he had no answer on the merits. As one biochemist friend wrote me in congratulations, “Judging by the howls of pain from the back pages of Scientific American, I think you must have struck a vital spot.”

And so I had ..."

Oh oh oh! I know I said I’d close with that topic. But please indulge me just a few more lines because Professor Johnson’s own close of the Epilogue is just so great:

"My primary goal in writing Darwin on Trial was to legitimate the assertion of a theistic worldview in the secular universities ...

Darwinian evolution with its blind watchmaker thesis makes me think of a great battleship on the ocean of reality. Its sides are heavily armored with philosophical barriers to criticism and its decks are stacked with big rhetorical guns ready to intimidate any would-be attackers. In appearance, it is as impregnable as the Soviet Union seemed to be only a few years ago. But the ship has sprung a metaphysical leak, and the more perceptive of the ship’s officers have begun to sense that all the ship’s firepower cannot save it if the leak is not plugged. There will be heroic efforts to save the ship, of course, and some plausible rescuers will invite the officers to take refuge in electronic lifeboats ...

The spectacle will be fascinating and the battle will go on for a long time. But in the end reality will win."

Well ... this isn’t good news.

Apparently, my “five weeks to go” pregnant bod is having a little bit of a hard time keeping my blood pressure regulated as Ella and I head into the final stretch of this pregnancy.

Nothing to be overly concerned about (I’m not being admitted for preeclampsia or anything), but I need to start listening a little more carefully to my body when I get that overwhelming feeling of head-spinning, MUST LIE DOWN RIGHT NOW or else I might pass out feeling ... because apparently, I might pass out. Too much activity means too much effort on the ol' heart and I need to do better about NOT doing.

Man. I was already feeling bad about how LITTLE I’m doing re: dusting, vacuuming, sending people notes, getting Ella’s baby book started, doing fun summer activities with Sophia, etc. etc.

But I’m absolutely going to listen to my doctor (and Fred and Sophie, by the way, who BOTH keep saying how they don’t care one whit about the dusting and vacuuming and I just need to keep my feet up and REST) because right now these little blood pressure spikes are activity-related and they come down quickly. If that changes and we get into a real problem, that is NOT going to be a good thing for Ella.

So here I sit. Feet up. Dust bunnies galore. (Golden Retrievers make AMAZING dust bunnies on hardwood floors.)
Thankful that Ella and I are not in distress.

And praying that God will help me to give MYSELF grace and not think of myself as just lazy ol' Tara.

Hope your Tuesday was a blessed one!

Yours,
Tara B.

Our Monday started very early because we had to be at the Montana Music Institute (MMI) by 7:45AM. Yeep! That’s an early start for us these days, but it was worth it.

Sophia had a very kind violin teacher for her first class. (And also some opportunities for practicing patience and graciousness re: one, ummmm, challenging fellow student. Wow! Even just one disobedient, disrespectful child can REALLY change the entire tenor of a classroom, can’t they? I have to say, it was probably harder for MY heart to be gracious toward the disruptive child.)

And then she had the JOY (and I mean JOY—her little face was just about SPLIT OPEN by her little ear-to-ear grin as she took her place IN a REAL orchestra) of participating in her very first orchestral ensemble:



The teacher was SO nice and SO good at working with little children. It was the perfect introduction to ensemble playing and I was simply overwhelmed by how blessed we are as a family to enjoy music together.

After orchestra, Sophie participated in a little art class, and then we spent the evening cheering on Fred as he coached our church’s softball team:



There really is no way that I could ever merit such a sweet day. I am very, very grateful.

Hope your Monday was a blessed one too!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Fred completely cracked me up last night when he told me about his little conversation with Sophia during bath and cuddle time ...

Apparently, as she (excitedly) told him all about her first time in an orchestra, she had a hard time remembering the name of the composer of the piece they played.

"It wasn’t Bach or Beethoven. I remember that. But ... well ... I think it sounded something like TACO BELL."

Fred replied, “Could it be Pachelbel?”

“Yes! That’s it!”

Believe it or not, I don’t actually spend that much time participating in online “communities.” I honestly have a hard enough time being a slightly functional member of my REAL community, so I’ve just never really gotten into chat rooms, discussion threads, or whatever it is you young people call the land of internet “relationships.”

But one night this weekend, I peeked in on a “July 2009 Baby” thread of a pregnancy website, just to see what the various discussions were about, and I found a very sad, very disturbing one written by a young woman who is, apparently, extremely distraught and angry because not enough people came to her baby shower.

I don’t want to go into too many details, but suffice it to say, this woman is MAD and ANGRY and DEPRESSED and has written off every single “friend” who was invited, but didn’t show. (And the vast majority of the comments back from the discussion thread really encouraged her to BE mad and STAY mad and GIVE UP on those “so called friends” because who needs them, etc. etc.)

Of course, a part of me WAS sad for her because of the low turn out at her baby shower. It’s an awkward and unpleasant thing to be having your first child and not have people support you and celebrate with you. (I once helped to throw a baby shower for a woman in grad school. Two of us threw the shower. One woman was pregnant. And there were a total of FOUR people actually at the shower. I still cringe when I think about it.)

But at the same time, I was mostly sad because OH MY STARS such a situation is SO not worthy of giving over to such anger, rage, bitterness, and breaching of relationship. I mean, really. There is a LOT of suffering in life. It’s hard enough not to be bitter over the REAL things that crush us. But to be this angry because you didn’t get “enough” cute outfits or diapers for your newborn? Yeep! It seems to me that is losing sight of what really matters in life—and if you have clean clothes, fresh water, and sufficient nutrition to make momma milkies or buy formula for your baby? Well! THAT’S WEALTH. Something to be GRATEFUL for, or at least it seems so to me.

This point was driven home at church yesterday morning when a very special man stood during the prayer time to give a very brief (in number of words) but slightly lengthy (because it takes a LONG time for him to form any syllables or words due to a catastrophic stroke he had as a young (fifty-something) man a few years ago) PRAISE REPORT.

He said that he was a sinner, but that God forgives him every day.
And then he said how excited he was to know and serve God.

And then he sat down.

This is a man who helped to found our church and served faithfully for YEARS as one of our ruling elders.
He was also a beloved family physician in our small community for decades.

(Oh, and his quick mind used to overflow into incredibly quick words that made us all LAUGH AND LAUGH during his opening of the church service’s announcements, emceeing of church banquets and talent shows, and just being around him, sharing his friendship and love.)

But now, since the stroke, you really have to stop. Slow down. And take TIME to even just share a casual greeting with him.
Sophia and Ella will have to wait until Heaven to be regaled by his quick wit and humor.

Has he suffered? Of course.
How about his family? More than I’m sure I could ever imagine.

But he stands and gives praise to God.

Their lives are testimonies of the brevity of this life, the goodness of God, and the hope and assurance we have that the Next Life is our Real Home. And nothing is gained by giving over to bitterness.

May God help me to live such a life of love—out of gratitude for Christ’s love for me.

Blessings on your Monday!

Yours,
Tara B.

We continue to be a HUGE fan of The First Catechism and here’s one illustration of WHY ...

Earlier today, one of our corporate worship songs had this line:

"The Lord makes His covenant known to those who fear and trust in His name ..."

I asked (5 year old) Sophie what a covenant is and she said:

"A covenant is a relationship that God establishes with us and guarantees by His Word."

Then I asked her WHY God makes a covenant with us and has a relationship with us. Is that because we’re good people who do good things? And she said:

"No. God has relationship with us because He is a merciful God."

Ahhhhhh ... it brings tears to this momma’s eyes to have such tiny, but eternally important, conversations with my love-bug. And I really credit the First Catechism with giving us such a sweet, accessible, biblical framework and vocabulary to work with as a family.

(Oh, and if you’re curious as to the practical “how” of using the catechism, I know there are TONS of great resources out there to help families ... study guides, books, audio recordings, etc. But our church simply makes these little $1.25 booklets available for free in our foyer and we just picked one up when Soph was teeny-tiny and started doing the questions with her every night. Over the years as we have reviewed and reviewed with her, we’ve checked off questions, added stickers, and taped the binding over and over again. But really? It’s just been a simple grace of doing a few questions every night from this little booklet.)

Hope your Sunday is going well! Fred just fell asleep next to me on the right. Lili is chewing her dental chew on the floor to the left. And Soph is coloring her new Dover stained glass coloring book. Ahhhhh! I’m a blessed woman.

Sending you my love—
Tara B.

Step one: Put on your matchies apron with Momma and grab your very-own-kids-cookbook, measuring tools and ingredients ...



Step two: Be sure to enjoy some beaters along the way ...



Step three: Roll and bake ...



Step four: See how long it takes for daddy to smell the nummies and come downstairs ...

I’m really enjoying the quotes that keep being posted over at Christ is Deeper Still. It’s become an almost-daily read for me and this one is a good example of why:

"All sins are attempts to fill voids.

We might try to fill the voids we so deeply feel by doing bad things or by doing good things. When we salve the ache in our hearts, which only God himself can satisfy, by doing good things, we then feel proud and think God owes us and we get angry when he doesn’t fork over. When we salve the ache within by doing bad things, we feel shamed and think God despises us and slink away from him in bitterness and cynicism. But we are the ones complicating our souls.

Filling the void with anything but God is a sin. Sin can involve doing a good thing, or sin can involve doing a bad thing. But only God can comfort us. Only God can fill our souls with the magnitude of the One we long for. And he does, freely, on terms of grace. “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God.” 1 Peter 3:18

To be empty and disappointed and brokenhearted does not disqualify you from God. It means God is near, if you’ll have him." Simone Weil

Earlier in the week, Sophie was marveling at the size of my “Ella-Marie-holding-belly.” She said something to the effect of:

"I think you’ve gotten bigger since BREAKFAST!"

(And she was PROBABLY right. )

To honor your requests for a GIANT PREGGO TARA SHOT, Soph and I staged this one for you today:



(Should be a good shot for sweet Ella’s baby book too.)

Our day has been a quiet day of errands, shopping, and Sophie has been enjoying herself at a playdate. They made TEA!

Yesterday, I was blessed to spend time with a precious, real, friend. ("Real" in that, she is seeing more and more of the ugliness of my heart and life—and not pulling back, not rejecting me. Isn’t that a real friend?)

As we closed our time together, I was struggling a bit with shame and embarrassment over some past sins that continue to haunt me. (When I think about them, I cringe. When I think about some of the ramifications, I lower my eyes and want to hide my face in shame.)

And my friend comforted me with only a few words, as she reminded me of some of the struggles and sins in her own life. Struggles and sins, by the way, that I have absolutely no problem believing that SHE is TRULY forgiven for. When I look at her? I don’t see those sins. I don’t even think about them.

She is not her past sins. They are forgiven! Covered. It’s like it doesn’t even register on my heart that these sins are in her past because I truly know that God’s grace is sufficient for them.

Ahhh! But therein lies the rub, eh? For, at times, I fail to appropriate, to believe, to have the hope and assurance that MY sins are similarly covered. Forgiven.

I woke up this morning grateful (for God’s mercy) AND convicted of my unbelief. (For who am I to doubt God’s Word? To doubt God’s promises? To somehow think that my sins are so special and so huge that God’s grace is not sufficient?)

"Come, let us talk this over, says the Lord; no matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you white as wool." Isaiah 1:18

My only hope.
My only hope.

And the reason I am heading into my day today, not despairing, but grateful.
For the Lamb Who was slain, Who takes away the sins of the world.

(And for friends who remind me of Truth when I am sorely tempted to forget.)

Blessings on your Friday, dear ones!

Yours,
Tara B.

Just one more quote from Dr. Dan Doriani’s fantastic book, Putting the Truth to Work: The Theory and Practice of Biblical Application:

"Pastors need integrity, but we never have enough integrity to merit the trust of our auditors. I think again of the four aspects of application—duty, character, goals, and vision—and rue our perversion of all four.

Duties? We fail to discharge them, but when we do, we bloat with self-righteousness.

Character? We fail to appropriate the new nature we have in Christ, but when we do, we puff with pride at our virtue.

Goals? We dissipate our energies in the ephemeral and frivolous. Then, when we do find a noble task, we fail to enlist enough allies to make the work strong.

Vision? We are half blind, but when we do see aright, we prostitute the vision by dreaming about the way others will revere us when they hear our precious insights.

Behind in all, we realize we will never know God and conform ourselves to him. If we focus on our attainment, the situation looks worse than we thought. But if we focus on the Lord, who graciously makes himself known to us and conforms us to himself, it may be better than we dare to dream."

My sister and her (wonderful!) Fred will be coming for ten days to help us when Ella arrives. We’re all so grateful AND excited to see them because we’re all such good friends. Plus, they’re REALLY helpful when there is a newborn in the house. Not only do they take care of meals and shopping and just pitch in as needed, they also have these REALLY late-night hours that are very conducive to helping new parents to get SLEEP while a tiny baby gets HELD and loved into the wee hours of the night.

In addition to helping in person, they also gave us a huge gift tonight of paying the fee for Fred and me to go to our local “Dinner’s Served” and make 12 meals (that are then frozen and used as needed).

With just 90 minutes of work, we now have a lovely menu of healthy, delicious meals to look forward to when the c-section and knee surgery-recovery times come next month:



Truly, the Lord provides! I am a grateful, grateful woman.

Hope your Wednesday was a blessed one—

Yours,
Tara B.

I’ve been greatly enjoying my re-read this week of Dr. Dan Doriani’s wonderful book, Putting the Truth to Work: The Theory and Practice of Biblical Application.

If you’ve ever wondered about how to interpret and apply certain “difficult” passages of Scripture, I commend this scholarly-level, yet imminently readable book to you. It is fantastic (and I continue to be a Dr. Doriani junkie! totally makes me wish I could go to seminary one day ...).

I could quote the entire work to you, but let me tempt you with just two excerpts from Chapter 12 ("Christ-Centered Application") and Chapter 11 ("Issues in Application of Ethical Texts" — this chapter is actually the reason I picked up this book for a re-read this week; I wanted to review the chapter because of an ethical case study I read over the weekend):

(From Chapter 12 ...)

“I cannot forget the Sunday night when, at twenty-one, I spoke in the church pastored by my future father-in-law. In a quest to reform my own speech, I had found dozens of verses on the topic of speech, strung them together, and slung them at the congregation for thirty minutes. I sat down, flush with excitement over all the good commands I had presented. But when my father-in-law stood up before closing the service, he said more than a little about Jesus' mercy for those who misuse words. I began to protest silently, thinking, ”All this talk of Jesus' mercy is undercutting my message. He’s making it sound as if we don’t really need to keep the law."

I was thinking as (what I now call) a "class-four-legalist."

Class-one legalists are autosoterists; they declare what one must do in order to obtain God’s favor or salvation. The rich young ruler was a class-one legalist.

Class-two legalists declare what good deeds or spiritual disciplines one must perform to retain God’s favor and salvation.

Class-three legalists love the law so much they create new laws, laws not found in Scripture, and require submission to them. The Pharisees, who built fences around the law, were class-three legalists.

Class-four legalists avoid these gross errors, but they so accentuate obedience to the law of God that other ideas shrivel up. They reason, “God has redeemed us at the cost of his Son’s life. Now he demands our service in return. He has given us his Spirit and a new nature and has stated his will. He has given us his Spirit and a new nature and has stated his will. With these resources, we obey his law in gratitude for our redemption. This is our duty to God.”

In an important way this is true, but class-four legalists dwell on the law of God until they forget the love of God. Worshiping, delighting in, communing with, and conforming to God are forgotten.

Class-four legalists can preach sermons in which every sentence is true, while the whole is oppressive. It is oppressive to proclaim Christ as the Lawgiver to whom we owe a vast debt, as if we must somehow repay him—repay God!—for his gifts to us. I count myself a member of the legion of recovering class-four legalists. We slide into a “Just Do It” mentality occasionally, dispensing commands just because they are right ..."

(From Chapter 11 ...)

"This chapter develops an earlier claim (chap. 6) that Christians can present duties and give concrete guidance without descending into legalism. Whereas narrative reaches the imagination and doctrine shapes the mind, law addresses the will, with principles that govern the sweep of life and with rules that govern many of its specifics. In telling us how to live, the law inescapably presents our sin, which we can describe as the gap between our aspirations and our capacity or as the chasm between God’s holiness and our unrighteousness.

In itself, the law is good. It provides guidance. Further, the law never simply says, “Do as God says” or “Be as God is.” Before God gave the law, he redeemed Israel. Before Jesus gave commands, he called disciples to himself. Thus God’s desire for a filial relationship with us causes him to reveal his will to us. The law spells out the way of love between God and humanity and between one person and another. The law describes God’s nature. By obeying it, we conform ourselves to him, achieve our identity, and find his blessing."

Pastor Ray Ortlund posted a great Jonathan Edwards quote over at Christ is Deeper Still and I encourage you to check it out:

Zeal and Resolve

In it, he is specifically addressing the influence that PASTORS have. As I read it, I thought back with great love and appreciation on the pastors who have lived lives of “zeal and resolve” and have thus influenced my life for the good for 25+ years now:

"Two things urgently needed in ministers, if they would attempt great advances for the kingdom of Christ, are zeal and resolve. Their influence and power for impact are greater than we think.

A man of ordinary abilities will accomplish more with zeal and resolve than a man ten times more gifted without zeal and resolve ...

The very appearance of a intensely engaged spirit, together with a fearless courage and unyielding resolve, in any person that has undertaken leadership in any human affair goes a long way toward accomplishing the intended outcome ..."

Thank you, Pastor Vic Varkonyi, Dr. Paul Jensen, Pastor Bill Meier, Pastor Colin Smith, Pastor Alfred Poirier, and Pastor Jason Barrie.

How grateful I am for your zeal and resolve and your faithful preaching (and living!) of the Word of God.

(Oh, and how grateful I am for your godly, wise, “full of zeal and resolve” WIVES too.)

With joy,
Tara B.

Our quiet and relaxing day yesterday started with Sophia attending her first “real” gymnastics class. (They call it “progressive level 1” and basically it means that the kids get to advance at their skill progression, rather than having to be in the “little kid” classes that are segregated by age.)

The school gave us a grace to allow Sophie into level 1 because she is still only 5 ("almost 5 and a half" she would point out), and usually their minimum age is “first grader/age 7.” But Soph has, so far, been an encourager to her classmates, followed the teacher’s instructions well, and demonstrated sufficient strength/skill, so they let her have a try at it.

I’m so glad! It was a GREAT experience for her and I think it’s going to be a good fit for our family re: our one “out of the home / do something physical / work with a teacher in a classroom/team setting” activity each week. (Since Soph’s been an only child so far in life, I have really tried to be intentional about playdates and some sort of group/class activity in her life since you can only learn a modicum of peacemaking skills with your Mother and your Golden Retriever all day.)

One of the most interesting things for me yesterday, watching Sophie with these “big kids” (even though she is spot-on average HEIGHT for this group of seven year olds—taller than some, shorter than others, she still is a few years younger than them) ... was the POSITIVE aspects of PEER PRESSURE that I observed.

Maybe that’s not the right term—maybe there’s a better word for the social dynamic that encourages us to persevere, try harder, not give up, be our best—but call it what you will, it was fascinating to observe and then talk about with Sophia after the class.

I saw it many times throughout the hour. At times, Sophie could do a skill quite well, and other girls were encouraged to persevere. But the time that made me just MARVEL was the time the girls spent on the BALANCE BEAM.

Until yesterday, Sophie had never even been ON a full-size / really high off of the ground / “real” balance beam. In her little kid classes, they were always on these tiny, short beams that only “fell” a few inches and even then you landed on squishy foam.

But yesterday? The teacher said, “OK, girls. Onto the beams.” And the other six little girls just CLIMBED ON UP and started doing their tasks (step / dip / backwards / arms up / arms down). I thought to myself:

"I wonder what Sophie is going to do?"

I trusted that she was wise enough to not attempt something dangerous. (In the weeks leading up to the class, we had discussed how the school was giving her grace to go into this class and that she would undoubtedly face lots of things that she just couldn’t do right away. She knew that was OK and the whole point was that she was there to LEARN.)

But I really had NO idea what she would do. (I wouldn’t have wanted to just walk out onto that high beam!)

But walk out on the beam, she did. Back and forth. Dipping. Reaching. Forwards. Backwards. She stayed right with her class and WOW! Did she have a look of accomplishment on her face when she finished.

Afterwards, she said, “I was SO scared, Mom! I was SHAKING! But I did it. And even if I had fallen, I know I wouldn’t have been hurt because other girls fell and they just climbed back up.”

Whoooo-hooooo!

Using the bodies that God has granted us. Strenghtening muscles. Working on being limber and fit so that we can serve God and neighbor.

AND reaching for new goals? Trying something hard? NOT being able to do certain things (boy those other girls could REALLY control a handstand and Soph’s not even CLOSE to being able to do THAT yet!); excelling at other things (Sophie is very, very strong on her bar work/pullovers) ... AND HAVING FUN? Well, we are a blessed lot.

Here’s to being a positive influence on the people with whom we interact today!

Blessings on your Tuesday—

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
If you’d like to see 27 seconds of a little Sophie gymnastics, this is a clip from her final “little kid” (six-year-old) class last month:

Yesterday I received some, well, inconvenient news. So rather than indulging an incredibly-low-energy day, I had to work. Hard. And BOY was my heart grumpy about it—at least initially.

But then, thankfully, the Lord helped me to repent. He reminded me of certain teachings from Pastor Bryce’s sermon. He reminded me of who I was and (even more importantly) Who He was. I began to thank Him for feeding me with the bread and the wine during the Lord’s Supper.

And rather than grouse around, I began to look for ways to encourage.

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:19-25

Oh oh oh! How sweet it is to be encouraged. AND to encourage.

Life will always be stressful, difficult, and challenging. There may be moments of calm, seasons of rest. But overall? Life is HARD. That’s why we are called to encourage one another.

Let’s not be stingy with encouragement! Let’s look for ways to help the people around us to feel that they BELONG. They are WANTED. They are not alone.

(Isn’t it true that this sense of having a place in the world is so important to PEACE and JOY?)

When we feel alone, we feel vulnerable. And in fact, we ARE vulnerable. It is not good to be alone. So let’s be GIVERS of regular, sincere, loving, encouragement. Let’s INVEST in each other’s lives ... all the more as we see the Day approaching.

No more discouragement! (I’m preaching to myself here.) Turning away from little acts of rudeness, a put down “in fun”, bearing grudges, not blessing those who offend/annoy/reject/HURT us.

But instead, a lifestyle of encouragement. Flowing right out of God’s love for us, let us love and encourage one another.

This is my prayer as I start my day.

I hope that you are encouraged today!

Sending you my love,
Tara B.

CJ Mahanney recently posted on The Gospel and Personal Criticism and I encourage you to take a few minutes to read the entire article.

In it, he quotes both Martin Luther and Professor Carl Trueman (whose words “merge” to use Pastor Mahaneey’s term):

"Luther knew what temptation looked like; he knew his own wickedness; but he also knew the all-surpassing perfection and grace of Christ.

So, in closing, I want to thank my blog critics, the crass, the colourful, the profane, and the plain old crazy, for helping me to understand better my sin and my Saviour. You think I’m arrogant? You should talk to my wife: she could fill you in on just how arrogant I really am. You think I’m ruthless and cold? Believe me, you don’t know where half of the bodies are buried. You think I’m a weak and spineless girlyman? Hey, you don’t know nearly the extent of my cowardice. You think I’m an inveterate street fighter? Bring it on. If someone will hold my coat, why go out onto the street? We can finish this right here and right now.

But you know what? My Saviour knows the full depth of all my sleaziness, my sin, and my moral insanity, and has covered by his blood all these crimes you allege against me. Indeed, he has covered many more and much worse; and your reminders of my sinfulness and my need of him are most gratefully received."

Reminds me of my pastor’s article, The Cross and Criticism (by Rev. Dr. Alfred Poirier).

I think I’ll go and have a re-read now ...

Soph made a foolish decision today and did something she knew to be wrong.

Thankfully, she came and confessed to us (what a grace!) and we were able to work through it. But even after her painful consequence, confession, and forgiveness, she was still struggling and feeling awful. In her despair she said something to the effect of:

"I’m just SO bad! I’m such an awful kid. I don’t even belong in this family!"

Oh oh oh. How quickly we could comfort her with this truth:

"Soph. Seriously. If this family isn’t a family for sinners? Well, then, mommy and daddy could never be in this family either.

We ALL struggle with sin. Remember Romans 7 & what the Apostle Paul said? How he does the very thing he doesn’t want to do and the thing he knows he SHOULD do, he DOESN’T do?

That’s us! That’s ALL of us.

We’re sinners in need of forgiveness. And we ARE forgiven because of Jesus.

This is your home, dearest darling.
Forever and always."

And then we snuggled away, all wrapped up in each other’s arms.
Grace grace grace.

I’m a grateful Momma.

Blessings to you on your Sabbath tomorrow!

G'nite and God bless,
Tara B.

We’re having a wonderful time with our dearest friends, the Lyndes, here in Townsend, Montana.

No high speed internet connection in this (beautiful) little town of 1,500. So this will be the only time I’m online today.

But I thought I’d share some photos of our time together and wish you all a blessed Friday!





With joy,
Tara B.

PS
TJ’s ebay sales really slow down in the summer, so if you’re interested in scooping up some gorgeous paintings for Christmas gifts or just for your own home at AMAZINGLY LOW prices, I encourage you to check out his current listings.

(I’m actually posting this from his studio and I can tell you that, as always, the photos online just don’t even come CLOSE to doing this art justice. You have to SEE the colors in natural lighting and the textures of the paint coming off of the canvas to really appreciate how beautiful these paintings are. What a grace to be able to create something so gorgeous.)

I am so excited that Pastor Anyabwile’s book will soon be released and is being offered now for a pre-publication (50% off!) discount:



May We Meet in the Heavenly World: The Piety of Lemuel Haynes

I hope that you will take advantage of this offer. I bet it will be among the best $5 you spend all year. (Can’t believe it’s only $5!)

We’re off to the pool now—

Blessings and joy,
Tara B.

How blessed I am to have the joy of going through The Prodigal God with a group of women this summer.

This tiny book is packed with so many wonderful truths! Not only am I learning, I am also being reminded of so many things that I have been taught in the past, but, well, I am so prone to easily forget.

(My theology can sure be “solid” on paper or bouncing around my head, but when conflicts come? When I am betrayed, attacked, or offended by someone? YEEP! So often my theology can just FLY right on out the window and I can be sorely tempted to respond in the flesh; just like an unbeliever.)

Take yesterday as a case in point ...

Even though my energy level was eight-months-pregnant-LOW, I had been working extremely hard to pack us up for a little trip AND process all of the orders from our Peacemakers-is-SO-amazingly-GENEROUS Screamin' June-Only-SALE, and I was just about to leave for the women’s study, when I received both a disturbing email and voicemail (from the same person).

It wouldn’t be appropriate to go into any details, but suffice it to say that this person is extremely important in our family’s life and I/we only want to ever honor and BLESS this person. And based on the two messages, we had completely failed in both regards.

I was SO upset. I was shaking (adrenaline is a powerful drug). My heart was racing (made me very concerned for in utero Ella Marie). My mind was spinning and what I really wanted to do was go and hide in a corner ... but instead, I “had to” (really? GOT TO!) go and facilitate this women’s study.

We started with a sweet time of getting to know one another and prayer—and I did ask for prayer for a relational conflict that I JUST learned about that I would have to be dealing with as soon as the study dismissed. I was visibly shaken and the women were very gracious and encouraging and did pray for me.

And then we jumped into the study. We read the parable again. We started with a review of the teachings so far. And then we took some time to unpack the difference between law and gospel:

The gospel can be broadly understood as the entire redemptive work of God in Christ and more narrowly understood as the indicative—Who God is and what He has already done for us in Christ.

The law is prescriptive; the imperative—what we ought, should, or must do.

Our discussion then turned to just how prone we all are to live by the law / by works. It’s just so much “easier” in the short-term to follow a bunch of RULES than it is to live by the gospel and breathe grace day-by-day, moment-by-moment.

("OK. My skirt needs to by “X" inches below my knee? Got it. No problem.” VERSUS “What does it mean for me to live MODESTLY? To love my neighbor by considering how my dress is affecting him? Hmmmmm ....”)

AND THEN, one of the women asked a great question, but one that I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted to think about right then:

"Tara, what does the gospel have to do with THIS situation? This conflict that you are currently facing? How does the fact that Jesus was incarnate, lived a perfect life, died in your place, and rose again from the dead HELP YOU right now? Today? In 2009 in Billings, Montana?"

Ummmmmmmm.
Good question.
GREAT question.

Really—the only question for all of life, don’t you think?

(As a quick aside, it reminded me of a teaching point our pastor made in a sermon years ago ... he cited a survey that showed that a large percentage of college students actually believed that Jesus DID rise from the dead; that He WAS resurrected. They just didn’t think it had any relevance to their lives. “So what?” was their overwhelming response.)

What does the gospel have to do with REAL LIFE?

- God is real (not a myth made up by man). He always has been and He always will be. He created everything that ever was and He sustains it all with perfect sovereignty. Therefore, this conflict I was facing, though a shock to me at 12:50 on a Wednesday afternoon, was not a surprise to God.

- God is good. He is loving. And He promises in His Word to ALWAYS work all things together for His glory and my good. Therefore, I can trust Him even in this scary conflict that tempts me to run away / give up / hide OR defend myself / attack / hurt the other person.

- I am His child. He cares for me. He is the Good Shepherd. He protects me. He is my loving Father. He helps me to grow and mature. He is sanctifying me and conforming me more to the image of His Son. Therefore, I do not have to fear. Instead, I can face this (painful! scary! difficult!) situation knowing that ultimately, I am safe and secure as His daughter and He will use whatever happens for His redemptive, good purposes.

- Oh, and the gospel is for the other person too! Because, as if often the case in the Christian life, this conflict I was facing was with ANOTHER CHRISTIAN. Yeep! So all of the promises of God in Christ that I just listed above? Well, they are for the other person too.

You know, as soon as I began to even THINK about the TRUTH (rather than giving into my fears and feelings), my heart rate began to slow. I didn’t have any solutions, but my fears began to subside.

Remembering the truths of the gospel—Who God is and all that He has already done for me in Christ—turned my heart away from false worship of ME, to right worship of God.

No, I wasn’t looking FORWARD to working through the conflict. But I wasn’t dreading it either.

(Oh, and just to let you know, we were able to work through things, at least preliminarily, rather graciously yesterday afternoon. So that is a huge praise! And our little trip is off to a much better start than it would’ve been if the conflict were still revving at a high pitch this morning. Grace grace grace.)

Hope this little “case study” is encouraging to you, even in some small way.

Sending you my love!

Yours,
Tara B.

A dear woman named Mara just posted a phenomenal praise report to a blog entry I wrote a few weeks ago (Tempted to be Bitter).

Isn’t this excerpt encouraging?

"Yet even after such conviction, I still held onto the notion of going to work the next day in a neutral, apathetic, passive frame of mind and not proactively forgiving anyone, esp the one who had hurt me so much. To the praise and Glory of God and His Holy Spirit continuing to work - and by remembering the Gospel of Jesus Christ and how much God has loved and forgave me, I found my heart strangely softened. Bizarrely, I wanted to love, forgive, and reconcile with the person who betrayed me as soon as spoke to me. It was the strangest thing ..."

I hope that you will read her entire note. (And thanks again, Mara, for taking the time to share such an edifying testimony of God’s grace at work in your heart.)

Blessings on your day!

Yours,
Tara B.

Well, this is just one of those things that makes me shake my head in wonder ...

One of my favorite churchmen, Pastor Thabiti Anyabwile, and his beloved wife are watching my video series ("Living the Gospel in Relationships") and he is blogging about their discussions related to the series:

The Gospel and Peacemaking Women

Of course, one thing I know FOR SURE is that these two saints won’t possibly LEARN anything from the series—all I ever do is repeat back what people like them have taught me in the church over the years. But what an honor it is to benefit from their reflections and learn from them as they go through the series!

I’m humbled and amazed.

Hope you enjoy their reflections too:

Part 1
Part 2

I hope you had a good rest last night. I was up quite a bit because Sophia spiked a fever of 102 for some strange reason (no respiratory or gastrointestinal symptoms, just extreme exhaustion and a fever) — so of course I heard every little moan she made and kept checking her temp throughout the night when she stirred so that I could give her Tylenol. Poor love. After a quiet, cuddly, clingy day yesterday, she slept from 6:30PM until 8:00AM, so she’s obviously fighting some little bug.

To be able to stay home with her all day, I ran out at 7:30AM and did all sorts of errands while Fred was still home with her. What a productive time of day!

Then I came home, made Fred’s lunch, got him out the door, and had the joy of resting (on my left side of course) while Sophie read Ella and me The World Narnia Collection. (My favorite part of this little “read to Ella and Momma” routine we’ve gotten into is her VOICES. She is totally the Emma Thompson of five year olds. Her voices and accents are hysterical.)

A little Bach cello suites in the background. (Could you EVER tire of them? I don’t think I could. One of my favorite memories of life was getting to hear Yo Yo Ma perform them at Orchestra Hall in Chicago — and we had splurged for stage seating so we were literally FEET away from him. It was astounding to get to see AND hear him play the suites. A once in a lifetime opportunity for us.)

A sweet parade of baby dolls being cared for by Big Sister Sophie. (Starting with her smallest doll, she has cared for, diapered, entertained, dressed, fed, and loved five little babies this morning.)

All of this adds to my overall sense of gratitude for God’s astounding grace to a forgiven, justified, adopted sinner like me. And I really am striving to REST in HIS TRUTH this morning.

But here is one thing that is battling in my heart and tempting me to respond, instead, like an orphan:

Yesterday, I stupidly and totally WITHOUT EXCUSE accidentally sent our family’s little "Ella’s coming / big sale on LTGIR" email to someone who had, last year, requested to have her email address removed.

Sure. It sounds like a tiny thing when I say it right here. BUT MAN did I feel AWFUL.

I try to be SO careful about guarding names and email addresses and NEVER giving them to ANYONE. I totally hate SPAM and I try to be SO clear about how easy it is to NOT receive emails from us.

And then I mess up the location where I pulled the emails yesterday and totally blow it by sending this poor woman another email.

Seriously? I was SO tempted to just FREAK OUT. But then. But then.

- I remembered all of the gospel teachings we’ve been reviewing this year at church and in our women’s study and I quickly saw how my response was really just PRIDE. Why should I freak out when I make such a dumb mistake? Do I really think I have it THAT together? Give me a break.

- Rather than responding like a rejected or despised orphan, I was called to respond like the beloved, adopted child of God I am. That meant I should a) ask God to forgive me; b) ask this woman to forgive me; and c) CAREFULLY delete her email off of EVERYTHING in our family’s address book and be more careful in the future too.

I’m sure this doesn’t sound like much of a battle (or victory) to those of you who don’t struggle with perfectionism, shame, fear of man, etc. But it was a true evidence of God’s grace to me.

And I am grateful.

May we all walk through our days today with repentance, confession, and FAITH—not in our ability to get our acts together, but in God’s saving, sanctifying, sustaining, never-changing love for His children.

Blessings to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

Completely off-topic to peacemaking / living the gospel, but just in case it saves you all any time and frustration ...

Last week I finally grew SO frustrated with the delays and crashes associated with dumb ol' Internet Explorer that I (nervously) tried out “Google Chrome.”

I had no idea how it would work, but I gave it a shot and I’m SO glad I did. Pages load quickly. With a little bit of practice, the various features are intuitive and helpful. All in all? Two thumbs up!

And WOW! Is it saving me TIME. My old computer needs all the help it can get and rather than sitting around while IE takes forever to load (and then CRASH), I can just GET THINGS DONE.

(I bet this is how iMac users feel about those of us still waiting around for slow/crashy PCs ...)

In light of the extra expenses associated with having a baby (and some other medical expenses we’ve had this year), Peacemaker Ministries has given our family an amazingly generous gift:

For the entire month of June, I can sell my video series (The Peacemaking Church Women’s Study: Living the Gospel in Relationships) for a ridiculously LOW price. (The price is so low, in fact, that Peacemakers has waived most of what they’d normally receive to help keep their lights on, restock their materials, fund peacemaking ventures internationally, or even help to pay the salaries of great staff members like Steady Freddy B.)

They are allowing every dollar of “profit” to go towards our family’s baby/medical expenses as a gift to us!

And the sale prices are really GREAT:

The complete group study (normally $79 + shipping + tax, so depending on your state tax rate, usually $90+) is only $55 (with FREE DOMESTIC/USA SHIPPING)!

If you only need one copy of the videos and guide, the normal cost (with shipping and tax) is $70+, but for the month of June, the total cost is only $35 (also with FREE DOMESTIC SHIPPING).

Even the individual study guides which usually cost $8.95 + shipping + tax ($12+) are only $6.50/each (and, you guessed it, FREE DOMESTIC SHIPPING)!

To take advantage of this great offer, be sure to place your order by June 30, 2009. (And thanks, also, for letting your church leaders, friends, and blog readers know about this deal too. We would appreciate your help in getting the word out.)

In addition to the women’s study sale, I also wanted to let you know that Fred has worked very hard to digitize my audio teachings and they are now available FOR FREE DOWNLOAD. I hope that these are a blessing to you and to others who are interested in promoting gospel-infused relationships in the Body of Christ.

Lastly, to hopefully further entice you to take advantage of this great deal, the first 25 orders will also receive a free copy of Trudy Poirier’s worship CD “Songs of Living the Gospel in Relationships.”

Any questions? Anything I can do to serve you? Please just let me know!

With joy,
Tara B.

PS
If you’ve already gone through the study and are thinking, “What’s next for my church?” I encourage you to consider two other products from Peacemaker Ministries. First, their Peacemaking Church Resource Set is a great way to take the entire church through the principles of biblical peacemaking, and to help your church establish an ongoing ministry of peacemaking. And also, late this summer, Peacemaker Ministries will be releasing a new study just for church leaders—a resource meant to help them live out the gospel as they navigate the common situations where conflict and leadership intersect in the life of the church. I’ll be sure to let you know as soon as it is released!

PPS
I would love to be able to ship to Canada and other countries for free—but it’s simply beyond our family’s means at this time. If you place an order to another country it WILL temporarily go through and look like it has free shipping (due to the limitations of our little website/ordering process) ... but then I’ll have to email you and cancel your order OR ask you to pay the shipping.

So PRETTY PLEASE email me first if you would like to place an INTERNATIONAL ORDER:

Email Tara for INTERNATIONAL Shipping Rates

Hysterical! I just love math geeks.

Tim Challies posted to a great article that analyzed whether the house from the movie “UP!” could really fly using only helium balloons. And if so, how MANY balloons would be needed?

Could Pixar’s House Really Fly?

Enjoy!

Fred and I sat with our calendars last night and tried to scope out a plan for the next seven (Pre-Ella Marie’s arrival!) weeks of our lives.

We were hoping to avoid some, ummm, difficult conversations (fights). And I was particularly hoping that I could come up with a plan that would help Sophia and me to be more flexible and supportive to Fred as he is in the final push on a HUGE project at work. (Peacemakers is creating a new leadership resource ("The Peacemaking Church Leadership Study") and Fred is coordinating pretty much all aspects associated with its creation, production, post-production, design, marketing, etc. Yeep!)

My hope is that he feels the freedom to stay late at the office, come home and work late, work Saturdays ... basically whatever he needs in order to accomplish his goals. But I’d also like him to have, you know, FOOD to eat (and you know how I’m not so good at the whole “making meals” thing even on a normal day).

So we came up with a list of three categories:

- Always have stocked in the house (fruit, vegis, cereal & milk, bread & lunchmeat, yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs, pastas)

- Quick meals (easy to whip together at the last minute / late at night)

- Real meals (on the rare occasions when we’ll get to eat together as a family)

Then I scoped out our week, went and shopped at 9PM, and tried to get us ready for this family push.

(I also woke up this morning and PRAYED that I would have a happy heart as I am already missing having Fred home. But I truly want to support him in this endeavor—and everything he does! So hopefully I’ll have a happy and grateful heart and we’ll get through these seven weeks as a team.)

All of this reminds me of the last push on Fred’s Master’s Thesis. He was SO motivated to get that thing DONE before our wedding. And he did. ONE WEEK before we were married, he submitted his final thesis and could STOP working all day and all night.

We’re shooting for a similar goal but this time it’s "before the baby comes and Tara has to recover from a c-section and knee surgery all while adjusting to life with a newborn."

Oh, that I will walk through the discomfort of the eighth and ninth months of pregnancy (and heat!) in such a gracious way, that Fred feels my friendship and support. (Because I am reminded of just how AWFUL my heart was the last time he disappeared all day and all night and Saturdays one summer to reach a big deadline for work at Peacemakers. I was not a godly wife or even a good friend! I am trusting in God’s help for a different summer for us this year.)

Last note on this marriage post ...

TakeYourVitaminZ linked to a great set of questions (and answers) by David Powlison over at Shepherd’s Scrapbook on How To Spark Substantive Conversation With Your Spouse:

1. What are your present burdens? The Bible tells us that we are born for trouble (Job 5:7). So what is the trouble? A sin? A responsibility? An issue at work? A particular conflict? What weighs you down? What was your lowlight of this day? These burdens are the “heat of life.”

2. What are your present joys? What were your highlights from the day? These joys are the “dew of blessing.”

3. What is your calling? This could include the mundane tasks, or broader life-purpose questions. What are your duties for this day? What do you need to do? What are your goals for this day? For example, a parent could say, “Today, I don’t want to lose my temper with the kids.” It could be as simple as this.

I encourage you to read the entire article and consider how it might also apply to other relationships too (parenting, friendship, church relationships).

Off into our day now!

Blessings and love,
Tara B.