considerable grace

I do SO promise that this blog will not turn into an “all things family photo” blog ...

But we had such a great morning getting our formal family photos taken that I hoped you would indulge me one more day of pictures:







Hope you have a lovely weekend!

Yours,
Tara B.

It is so wonderful to be home!

We enjoyed finishing our morning at the hospital yesterday:



And packing up to head home:





(Wonder why we keep wondering if we’ll ever be able to get a four-door car one of these days. )

So many blessings greeted us at home:



And I’ve been incredibly supported, helped, and loved on by Kali & her Fred, Sophia, Lilikoi, and of course, my beloved Steady Freddy, the world’s best husband and father:



We’re off to a doctor appointment now ... will try to write a REAL post again one of these days.

Sending my love,
Tara B.

We were so blessed to have friends stop by on Tuesday ...





And how fun that Ella has some adorable NEW little clothes and toys too! I thought she would only be 100% hand-me-downs from big sissy Sophie (which would’ve been 100% A-OK, of course!), but how fun to have sweet little new baby gifts too ...



We are all REALLY hoping that the doctors might release me one day early and allow me to go home TODAY (Wednesday). I was so motivated to pass all of my little “see, you can let me go home!” milestones that (yes, along with REST), I was walking laps in the hallway and even showering by myself and getting the bandages off yesterday. (Which may not sound like a big accomplishment to most of you, but if you’ve had a c-section, then you know that those two things are pretty much like climbing Mt. Everest.)

Ella continues to nurse well, sleep well, and look at us adorably with her gorgeous dark eyes ...



It’s all so astoundingly, breathtakingly sweet. Just like the past five years with Sophia, I am treasuring every moment I have with this little one and striving to not take one breath for granted.

(Oh! And how I miss my Sophie bear. Tiny visits are just not cutting it. We’re meant to be wrapped in each other’s arms way more than we’ve gotten to be the last two days. That’s OK, of course, but I’m really praying that I might get to go HOME today if the doctors determine that it is appropriate/wise.)

Hope your Wednesday is a blessed one! Thanks again for the sweet notes, comments, FaceBook Hugs, etc.

With love from a happy, exhausted Momma,
Tara B.

Just a quick note to let you know that I do think that Ella and I will be up for visitors on Tuesday (and of course we’d love to see some friends!) ...

But if you could possibly keep your visits SHORT, that would be appreciated.

Also, I’m sure this is obvious, but you may have to wait a few minutes if we’re in the midst of an physical check or nursing. (We’re still trying to figure out nursing so I’m not good at being discrete/modest yet.)

Plus, although it seems like only a pipe dream to me now ... I MAY actually get to SLEEP a tiny bit tomorrow. So please excuse me if I miss you!

OK. 3AM. Going to try to wake up this tiny, amazing, cuddle bug of love and see if she will nurse again.

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
A few more big sister photos (not just sweet big sister Sophie but MY big sister Kali & her Fred too ) ...

Thank you SO very much for all of the email, blog, and FB notes! It is amazing to see all of your names and picture you across the country (and around the world) sending love to our family. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I am way too mentally fuzzy to try to write anything substantive today, but Ella is napping away on top of me (hooray for Boppy pillows!) and I THINK I can keep it together long enough so show you some more photos from our day ...

5:40AM—we head to the hospital …



Everything is calm, but FAST. We’re prepped and then it was MINUTES until Ella was here (7:30 anesthesia, 7:37 first cut, 7:47 BIRTH) …



Praise the Lord for an 8 lb 8 oz, 9/9 APGAR, healthy little girl!



We enjoyed some sweet time, just the three of us (and she nursed WONDERFULLY!) and a few hours later, Sophia was THRILLED to meet her little sister …



We are, obviously, overwhelmed with gratitude and enjoying every (exhaustedly happy) moment of our day.

Thank you for your love and prayers! I hope your day was a blessed one too —

Love,
Tara B.

(Fred here – Tara and Ella are happily nursing, so I’m guest blogging to give you the happy news...)

She’s here!

7:47am
8lbs 8oz, 20.5 in

Baby and mom are doing great!

More pics will follow after bath and naptime, but here are a couple quick ones:




Thank you so much for the prayers. We appreciate you all so much!

Gratefully,

The Proud Papa

Well ...

Based on the all night long and all during church long and pretty much all day today long "not quite Braxton Hicks because OH MY STARS THEY HURT / but not quite REAL because they don’t hurt THAT BAD" contractions I’ve been having, we’re all wondering if Eleanor Marie will wait her “scheduled” 13 hours to arrive “decently and in good order” (like the Presbyterian she is ) at our 7:30AM c-section tomorrow morning; OR whether we might be heading in to the hospital tonight (because it’s important that I NOT labor).

Either way, we’re rejoicing that Ella is moving around and seems to be doing well and will, apparently, be joining us soon.

THANK YOU for all of the personal emails and FB emails and especially the prayers!

Fred prayed me through my tears of pain in the night and I am trusting that God will continue to give me grace for each moment of this adventure.

Thanks again—

Much love,
Tara B.

Yesterday was supposed to be this really calm, relaxing, fun day of being pampered. But instead, it was (in retrospect FUNNY, but at the time NOT so funny) ... a day of one minor little “NOT QUITE RIGHT THING” after another:

- Lilikoi DID get groomed (and OH! a freshly groomed Golden Retriever is SO silky and wonderful) but when I got her home there was this teeny-tiny little knot of fur still under one of her ears. NO BIGGIE. 99.5% of the zillions of little knots had been perfectly groomed out, but I still had to get scissors and cut it out as I thought, “I just spent Fred’s hard-earned money on THIS?”

- My prenatal massage was, ummmm, let’s just say UNPLEASANT. The “salon” smelled so overwhelmingly like nail polish remover that I thought I as going to be sick. The massage room was closed-in, hot, stuffy, AND although my back didn’t hurt when I ARRIVED, it sure did when I LEFT and for the rest of the day/night. Not really your textbook goal for a massage result, eh? (And again, I’m thinking, “I just spent money on THIS?!”)

- I HATE PEDICURES. It hurt SO bad (!!). And the part that didn’t hurt, TICKLED and made me JUMP. Plus, the WHOLE reason I was getting one was because I won’t be able to bend over for weeks and I just wanted FRESH POLISH that would (according to everyone I knew) “LAST & LAST FOR WEEKS” because they put it on in some super-special-super-glue-super-thick-professional-pedicure way. Yeah. Right. OK. Even being PERFECTLY careful during the drying phase (because I was really motivated to have it work) ... sitting perfectly still for 20 minutes reading a People magazine (filled, by the way, with people I do NOT know) and then SO carefully driving home and sitting for TWO HOURS editing something for Fred, trying to take care of some correspondence, etc. And THEN? Last NIGHT? Way past when she assured me it would be “perfectly dry”? A big piece just FALLS OFF. Seriously? SOPHIE could’ve done a better job and (altogether now), “I wouldn’t have wasted Fred’s hard earned money.”

Oh, but wait ... there’s more. I haven’t even really gotten to the biggest, dumbest, “NO BIGGIE” but so embarrassing/annoying part of my day:

So, I go to pick up our dry cleaning at the same place I’ve gone for almost ten years. She hands me a bunch of Fred’s shirts, but his pants aren’t there.

THE WHOLE REASON I TOOK THINGS TO THE DRY CLEANERS WAS BECAUSE FRED’S PANTS NEEDED CLEANING.

Where are the pants?
Where are the pants?

Poor, sweet, dry cleaning woman (who, by the way, totally reminds me of my MOM—in a good way; like I really try to chat with her and get to know her).

I wasn’t mad. It more felt like I was GOING mad. Just a little crazy. Just a little, “Where are the pants? Am I losing my mind? OH MY STARS I can’t believe it! Where are the pants? Where are the pants?”

Crazy ol' Tara.

So I filled out a “missing pants” form (wherein I swore—upon pain and penalty of perjury??) that I HAD dropped off these pants and they were now missing. And I headed home thinking to myself, “Did I NOT bring the pants? Did Fred NOT put the pants in the dry cleaning bag?” So I went upstairs, checked his closet, and OF COURSE, the (needing to be cleaned) pants are hanging neatly on a hanger.

So back we go to the dry cleaners. It’s 100 degrees out. We’re exhausted and hungry. But I said to Sophie:

"I need to apologize, Sophie. And I need to get the “lost pants form” back. I feel SO stupid, but it’s 5:15, they’re about to close, and I need to make this right."

My backseat encourager replies, “Don’t worry, Mom. I’m sure she’ll forgive you. It was just a mistake.”

I go. Apologize. Drop off the pants FOR REAL to be cleaned. My dry cleaning lady friend is very gracious. BUT I STILL FEEL SO STUPID. I even ask Sophie, “Why do you think I feel so bad even though I know I’ve been forgiven?”

My backseat encourager jumps in again, "You know, Mom, I think you may be over-reacting."

Don’t you just love this kid? TOTALLY CRACKS ME UP every time I think about it.

Over-reacting? Me? Ya' think?

So anyway ...

The bottomline is that everything is really going GREAT.

Soph woke up singing the, “Two more days 'til the BABY COMES” song and Fred and Soph are already out on their bikes, watching hot air balloons lift off for a show this weekend, dressed in complete matchies ("life is good" t-shirts, denim shorts, baseball caps (after helmets are off), tennis shoes, even both wearing WATCHES although only ONE is a Pink Princess Watch). We’re going to enjoy a family pancake breakfast when they get back. And then my sister Kali and her Fred will arrive!

Can’t believe I was such a freak yesterday about such inconsquential things.

In my “defense” (or just trying to draw out / understand my heart a bit), Fred did help me to see a few REAL things that were very, very troubling to me yesterday:

- My friend emailed me early in the morning asking for prayer because she thought she was miscarrying. I couldn’t stop thinking of her all day long. (As I’m typing this blog, I JUST got an email that the baby is OK! But it was the last thing I thought of as I went to sleep and the first thing I thought of as I woke up this morning.)

- Another friend had called me in crisis because his/her spouse is having what seems to me to be pretty much a mental break / severe emotional crisis (I don’t know what the official CCEF-type-term would be), such that we really need to rally the resources of not only the church but biblical counselors and maybe medical help too. My heart is so (constantly) heavy for this beloved family!

- I know this may sound very silly, but it truly was a weight on me last night ... Fred and I, as THRILLED as we are about having Eleanor, as GRATEFUL as we are to have this precious little newborn ... are also feeling just a tiny bit strange about being nearly 40 years old as we navigate back into the newborn baby stage of life. Our peers have, you know, college students for children. And don’t get me wrong! I LOVE my 20-something-friends-who-are-having-newborns. But it is a tiny big strange that our “peers” weren’t yet BORN when we were in COLLEGE. This isn’t a bad thing. Just a little different.

- Lastly, and I think this is the kicker; the thing I really had to repent of and pray through and entrust to the Lord ... I really think that deep down in my heart yesterday, I was just AFRAID. Afraid that Ella would not survive; that something would happen between now and Monday morning (or during the delivery Monday morning) and she would die. AND I was afraid that she would live; that we really WOULD actually HAVE A BABY again. And that I wouldn’t be able to care for her adequately; that I would not be a functional, godly, stable, loving mom for her.

And that’s the kind of circular, fear-based, catastrophic, no-good-ending thinking that can really freak you out, isn’t it? When EVERY POTENTIAL SOLUTION paralyzes you and terrifies you (what if the baby LIVES? what if the baby DIES?), you’re not really a) thinking rationally; and/or b) living in the light of the glorious TRUTH of the gospel of the Triune God.

And so I repented.

Listened to the counsel of my daughter ("Give yourself a break, Mom! Give yourself some grace! Just like you’re always telling me. No biggie. Let it go.") and laughed at the (many!) “off” things from my day.

Talked with my husband.

Ate some peanut butter toast at midnight (yum!).

Remembered three true things about God (and then THANKED HIM for Who He is).

And went to bed.

"Two more days 'til the baby comes ..." (It’s a cuter song when you can hear the melody Soph puts to it.)

Blessings on your Saturday!

Yours,
Tara B.

I just added another sermon series to my “want to listen to one day” list:

Pastor Anyabwile’s Sermon Series from Proverbs

Wisdom and friendships, morality, marriage, adultery? Sounds like a great series.

(And a sweet reminder of why we named our oldest daughter Sophia Grace. Wisdom and Grace.)

"Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." James 3:13-17 (emphasis added)

I peeked downstairs at midnight (it was SO nice to have Fred working at home instead of at the office until 1AM) and thought to myself, “I need to capture a quick photo of how Ella’s father spent the last two months leading up to her birth.” It’ll go nicely on the same page of her baby book as the “prepping the nursery” photos.

So here was my first, sweet, view at midnight:



Then I drank a glass of cold water, read a little, and watched Lilikoi evaluate and then give in to the temptation to invade Sophie’s (getting even more complex and fun every day) fort:





Oh, Lili! You are a sweet dog.

Happy Friday, everyone—
I get to have my very first PEDICURE and a prenatal MASSAGE today! All thanks to my generous, sweet hubby.

(See, I told you nesting was over. I’m officially sliding into “let people help the new momma” slacker mode.)

Yours,
Tara B.

Well ... after my incredibly productive morning (hooray for no headache!), I’m officially DONE nesting.

Clean sheets & towels & all laundry done, de-doggified-Swiffered-hardwood floors, clean bathroom, dusted room, fridge & freezer & kitchen shelves cleaned out (found a salad dressing that expired, let’s just say, A VERY LONG TIME AGO), groceries stocked, FAN cleaned out (that’s been REALLY bothering me), beds re-made, checking account balanced, painting that’s been bugging me for years hanging at a TINY crooked level–LEVELED OUT, dry-cleaners-bank-post-office errands done (CHECK!) ...

Ahhhh ... the sweetness of order. I’m drinking it in because I know it’s about to GO AWAY FOR A LONG LONG TIME.

If it’s not done as of right now, either Fred will have to do it or I’ll come up for air in about a month post c-section & knee surgery, etc. Nesting is officially OVER.

If you follow me on FaceBook then you know that I had a little melt-down yesterday. No biggie ... I just cried and cried for the first time in months in response to some of those overwhelming emotions that occasionally crash over me. It didn’t last and I wouldn’t have even mentioned it on my little FB “update” thingy except that a) sometimes people have a strange, misconstrued notion that my little life at home with Sophie is some sort of constantly-happy-maternal-bliss; and b) I really did melt down and any other “status update” would’ve just been completely disingenuous.

Why I’m even mentioning all of this is because today’s RZIM Slice of Infinity – Alienation and Restoration speaks so beautifully to some of the loneliness I was feeling yesterday, that I wanted to be sure to share it with you.

Consider a brief excerpt by J.M. Njoroge’s insightful essay:

"But when we are properly related to the True Shepherd who calls his sheep by name, loneliness is infused with great hope as we, with Abraham, look “forward to the city with foundations whose architect and builder is God” (Hebrews 11:10). We become members of God’s extended family. Day by day, we learn to trust God as we travel with others along a heavily trodden path that never disappoints. Friends and relatives may desert us, but we are never alone. We may grieve, but never like those without hope. We have peace and joy within, and even in our own hour of need, others can still find their way to God through us. The alternative is a crippling sense of isolation and alienation within a worldly system whose offerings, however sophisticated and well-intentioned, can never arouse us from spiritual death."

I hope you will click through and enjoy the entire devotional.

Blessings on your Thursday!
This is the day that the Lord has made—

Rejoicingly,
Tara B.

PS
Soph has constructed QUITE a fort in our living room ... perfect for listening to the unabridged Narnia CDs (and the Focus on the Family version too!) all while reading the actual books OR the world’s COOLEST NARNIA CHRONOLOGY ever!

TakeYourVitaminZ posted some great questions on diagnosing bitterness from Mark Driscoll’s Death by Love. (A book, by the way, which lots of people I respect keep recommending, but which has such an ugly cover I’ve avoided it. Pretty dumb reason to avoid a book, don’t you think?)

Consider:

1) Do you continually replay in your mind with great detail a negative past event and dislike for the person(s) involved?

2) Do you find yourself continually referring to someone in a pejorative fashion because of some past hurt?

3) Do you intentionally avoid certain person(s) because you find yourself becoming continually annoyed and angry in their presence?

4) Do you find that your dislike of someone is growing over time?

I encourage you to read the entire post and consider working through Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s (fantastic!) book, Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom if you are, in fact, struggling with bitterness. It is biblical, practical, and gospel-centered — and it really helps if you’re having a hard time forgiving someone.

What a privilege it is to get to see (and pray for!) the behind-the-scenes making of Peacemaker Ministries' new resource, “The Leadership Challenge: Living Out the Gospel Where Conflict and Leadership Intersect.” I am right now reading through the first half of the study guide and it is wonderful! I am so excited for this resource to (hopefully) be available for churches this fall.

To whet your appetite in the interim, I want to direct you to a fantastic article on leadership by Ken Sande:

Approachability: The Passport to Real Ministry and Leadership

It is lengthy, but worth the read.

One paragraph, in particular, reminded me of one of the great and godly men who had a profound impact on my life during my late teens and early twenties, Dr. Paul Jensen.

Dr. Jensen was a philosophy professor at my undergrad and he also taught in the Presidential Scholars course, so I overlapped with him academically. (One of my favorite courses of all time was his “Philosophy of Theology” course.) In addition, he taught Sunday School class and occasionally preached at my little (beloved!) PCUSA church in Moline, Illinois, so he was really the first person to introduce me to Calvin, Augustine, Berkhof, etc.

But most influential on my life was that he was my friend. He (and his wife and young children) took them time to get to know me. They invited me over for Sabbath meals and bike rides. They cared about me, drew me out, comforted me, counseled me, and at times rebuked me (which they could, of course, do because they had tremendous passport into my life — read Ken’s article to learn the three components of passport if you don’t already know them).

My entire life could have, and I might even say would have been very different were it not for Dr. Jensen. He was (and is) brilliant, gifted, and extremely credentialed (PhD, JD, multiple Master’s degrees). But what I remember most about his was his humility. In public, in private; around Christians, around non-Christians; discussing topics that I KNEW he felt passionately about ... he was unfailingly humble. Kind. He always stated the opposing view in the BEST possible light and he never resorted to logical fallacies/name-calling (which is the majority of what people call “debate” nowadays).

He lived out this paragraph from Ken’s article:

"See God’s people as he does. One of the most effective antidotes to personal or institutional attitudes that undermine approachability is to cultivate the habit of viewing the members of your church as God does: as people made “in the image of God” (Gen. 1:27), as “God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,” (Col. 3:12), as “a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God” (1 Pet. 2:9), as people who have been “lavished with all wisdom and understanding” (Eph. 1:8 ), who are filled with the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19) and are “competent to instruct one another” and “to judge … the things of this life” (Rom. 15:14; 1 Cor. 6:3). When leaders remember that these types of descriptive phrases apply to all of the saints, not just to ordained leaders, they will be more inclined to humbly welcome questions, suggestions, and even correction from anyone in whom Jesus’ Spirit dwells.

Let me close with an example of how Dr. Jensen lived this out ...

The first time I ever saw him interact with people at a church picnic (in the fall of 1988 ), someone asked him what he did for a living. He replied, “I am a teacher.”

I remember thinking, “A teacher!? Come on! You are a PROFESSOR! You are DOCTOR Jensen! Why did you ”just" say you are a teacher?!" And later I asked him that exact question. He replied something to the effect of:

"Tara, people are fascinating. They have a lifetime of experience and wisdom to share and it is always a privilege to get to know them. But they won’t open up to you and share their lives with you if they feel like there is some sort of barrier between you and them (like education, wealth, position, whatever). Guard against ever making yourself look more important or influential than any other person. Don’t climb up on any pedestals! The ground really IS level for us all. And if you remember that, you are going to enjoy rich and deep relationships in life."

Thank God for men like Dr. Jensen!
And Ken Sande too—

I hope you click through and enjoy Ken’s article.

Blessings on your Tuesday!

Yours,
Tara B.

I recently re-read my notes from Ed Welch’s (excellent!) article on “Boundaries” in the Spring 2004 Journal of Biblical Counseling and I thought you might enjoy them too. Here are just a few highlights:

- Overcommitted people are the lifeblood of the church. People who say, “Yes” to one request are usually asked to do five more things. Even “Christian” books will encourage you to “set a personal boundary” and “just say no.” But is that how we should think about such things? Is “setting a boundary” a biblical paradigm?

- Rather than the term “boundary,” think in terms of biblical priorities (prayer, opportunities to meditate on Scripture, work, service, relationships, and rest). Ask yourself, “Am I out of whack in any of these areas?” If so, seek counsel as to how you can live a more healthful and “balanced” life.

- Remember! Love does not always mean self-sacrifice. Love and wisdom can mean saying no to service opportunities.

- Guard against making the desire to NOT disappoint others into an idol. We all have the tendency to overestimate our own importance and underestimate God’s care for his people and his church (and the gifts that God has given to others).

- Instead of “boundaries,” think in terms of the knowledge of God revealed in Christ; repentance; faith expressing itself in love. Love and discernment are the constituent parts of wisdom.

- Instead of erecting “boundaries,” ask, “How should I wisely love this person? What is my calling? What are my priorities?”

- The challenge of love is that it is so multi-faceted. Love may entail taking a bullet for someone OR kicking them out of your house. Love may mean bearing their burden or encouraging them and helping them as they bear their own burden.

- What about unhealthy relationships / relationships where someone has a history of exhausting people? What else does the person do to push people away? Constant grumbling and complaining? Frequent discussions of their own problems but unwilling to heed advice? Demands for inordinate amount of time? Careful! You cannot raise these issues casually; you cannot help them apart from a relationship with the person. Unhealthy sometimes means inconvenient. True—only room for a limited number of close friends; offer of friendship doesn’t obligate us to reciprocate in the way a person might want. An inconvenient relationship is an opportunity for us to examine our own hearts and seek what God has for us to do. Unhealthy sometimes means relationships that induce us to sin.

- Abuse? If physical—boundary is appropriate (call police, provide safe place, initiate a protection from abuse order, do whatever is necessary to protect her). Why? Love. Love says no to evil. Goal is to bless enemies and lead them to repentance. Lev. 19:17. How to rebuke and who you might have present with you when you rebuke once again are decisions that require wisdom.

- Walk in wisdom. Don’t erect boundaries. Sometimes you answer a foolish person, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you cover an offense, sometimes you speak out. You begin with the fear of the Lord, learn from similar situations, get the counsel of others, keep checking your own heart and its motives, remember your limitations, rehearse the law of love, recognize that keeping everyone happy is impossible but there are ways you can speak that encourage conciliation, mutual understanding, and unity.

- What about biblical admonitions like, “Don’t cast pearls before swine” (Matt 7:6) and “Expel wicked man from among you” (1 Cor 5:13)? Be very careful! Not a dominant metaphor of Scripture; should seek counsel when considering it.

- Thinking in terms of “boundaries” can lead us to think more about self-protection than about love.

Sophie and I started Ella’s baby books yesterday. (Yes, plural, because like I did with Sophia, I would like Ella to have one “real” (Creative Memories) baby book that is kept nice throughout her childhood so that she can take that with her into adulthood; BUT I also want her to have one “fun” one that she can keep in her room and look at and play with over and over again even as a little muffin.)

Anyway ...

The first thing we did to start Ella’s baby books was to look through Sophie’s baby books. It was SO fun! (And it reminded me to pack some nice paper in our hospital bag so that a) the nurses can do two sets of extra baby footprints; and b) Fred, Sophie & I can all write Ella our “we’re taking you home from the hospital today and we’re so excited” letters. Fun stuff!)

Poking around Sophie’s baby books also reminded us of the GIANT MOMMA TARA photo we took on the piano bench RIGHT before Soph was born — so we decided to pose a similar one for Eleanor Marie:



Don’t you think it’s time for this baby to be born?

(Fred is taking over/under bets since Sophie was 10 lbs at birth. I definitely chose the “over 9 lbs” bet. We’ll see ...)

After a nice family day, Fred headed back to work for the 5PM - 12:30AM shift (12:24AM to his defense because he PROMISED to be home by 12:30, not that I asked him to), and Sophie and I continued to enjoy some domestic duties and then went to veg out a bit with a movie.

Sophie chose “Aristocats” and after a few minutes of work getting things ready for breakfast and lunch on Sunday, I went downstairs to join her. Sadly, as soon as I got downstairs, she paused her video to confess something very serious to me: She had played with the elliptical trainer with her hands; NOT gotten on it (which she knows is strictly forbidden), but pushed the pedals with her hands. Twice. Which she also knows is strictly forbidden.

I won’t, I can’t, go into all of the details of what happened next because although she has given me permission to share our story, especially because of the “FOUR PROMISES” (as she calls them) that we got to rejoice in at the end of our discipline time, she does not feel comfortable with me going into any detail about JUST HOW BAD things got as she confessed and had to face her painful consequences (of “Aristocats” going into toy prison and of her losing the privilege of watching videos in the basement without an adult present to keep her safe, “just like a two-year-old/baby.”)

Suffice it to say that it’s going to take me about five minutes to type this blog and it took us about 90 minutes to work through our conversation, so painful (and loud) was the time of repentance and confession.

BUT OH! The wonderful, glorious JOY of forgiveness! That’s what both Sophie and I want to share with you this morning before we head to church ...

At the end of the discipline, I comforted Sophia by reminding her that even though there were these painful consequences in our lives and this conversation had been SO hard, we actually had GOOD NEWS that we could rejoice in. She agreed and piped up with the first two and I chimed in with the last two:

1. I can be forgiven. Yes! Totally. 100%. Forgiven. We could get up from that chair with a clean slate and a fresh heart.

2. I am always loved. Absolutely. And this is a biggie because during the worst time of the painful consequences, Sophie kept wanting to hide her head under her blanket and NOT persevere because she “felt like the most awful kid in the world” and she “didn’t want anyone to love her.” But of course I told her, “Too bad! I will NEVER stop loving you. And God will NEVER stop loving you! There’s nothing you can do about THAT! We love love love love love love LOVE you!” (And it was so good when she came back to finding comfort in our love.)

3. God protected your hands and your weren’t HURT. This was a biggie for me because our pastor’s youngest daughter had a SERIOUS injury with a piece of exercise equipment when she was a tiny little girl and not only could she have lost the use of her hand (or the actual hand!), she lost a great deal of SKIN and her recovery was excruciatingly painful. I don’t know if I would’ve been so sensitive to just how dangerous exercise equipment can be if that horrible accident hadn’t occurred–but I’m sensitive to it now and I was SO grateful that God protected Sophie.

4. Over time, you CAN earn back our trust and earn back the privilege of watching videos without an adult present. This painful consequence isn’t forever. It will take time and effort, but as you behave in a wise and trustworthy way, we will begin to trust you again. But right now, because of the seriousness of the offense, the consequence has to be serious.

(As an aside, if you read my recent blog entry on “Using Hypotheticals with Our Children”, you might be interested to know that it was at this time in our conversation last night that I DID do a hypothetical with Sophie.

I asked her, “Soph, hypothetically, if you had been playing out in our backyard and I came out to check on you and you told me, ”Mom, I went out through the gate. Twice. And I went and played in the street." ... what do you think would happen?

“I would lose the privilege of playing in the backyard without a grownup present.”

“Why?”

“Because leaving the safety of the backyard and going into the street is SO dangerous that I could be seriously hurt or even die.”

“Right. So would you have that painful consequence because I’m really MAD at you?”
“No.”

“Because I want to HURT your or do mean things to you?”
“No. Because you LOVE me and want to keep me SAFE.”

“That’s right. And can I keep you safe if you don’t obey the rules and boundaries I give you?”

“No. You have to treat me like a little two-year old or baby and keep your eyes on me all the time to keep me safe.”
“Right.”)

But trust can be earned back again. And I really don’t think it’ll be long before someone (ME!) breaks ol' “Aristocats” out of toy prison and gives Sophie the privilege of watching videos in the basement again. Because actually? Isn’t her strong conviction of conscience and guilt a precious, wonderful sign of a heart that WANTS to do the right thing, but, like her Momma, like all of us, struggles at times and at times give in to temptation?

"But He gives us more grace ..."

Ah! Grace up on grace. Our only hope.

Here’s to a grace-filled Sabbath wherein we rejoice in the mercies of God!

Yours,
Tara B.

TakeYourVitaminZ continues to link to great articles and this one is a definite MUST READ if you enjoy the (occasional? frequent?) chick flick (including, btw, Jane Austen):

You’ve Got Lies: Chick Flicks and the World’s Approach to Men and Marriage

(It’s an interesting article. Well written. Not condemning. But it did make me at least pause re: the videos I was planning to bring for my four-days-in-the-hospital “getaway” (hah!) next week ...)

(Those of you who really know me—and my neurotic fears about sewing—might not believe this, but it’s true!)

Thanks to some wonderful fabric from Grandma Chris:



And a fabulous sewing machine from Grandpa Charlie and Granma Kathy:



Sophie and I sewed! FOR REAL!

We read the book and it only took us, you know, 30 minutes or so to do the 30 SECOND job of threading the bobbin ...



(But we DID figure it out! Sophie is VERY good at reading directions and especially the little “map”/image of the sewing machine and what each part is called.)

Here is my very, very first seam! And Sophia taking the reigns ...



Only ONE bleeding injury. (I was SO happy it was me and not Soph!) Man does that needle-thingy come down HARD and FAST:



And I actually did something REAL that needed sewing in our home. (Cutting some drapes to be short enough to go over our window air conditioner.) I can’t tell you how excited I am that I could sew a SEAM!



39 years old. Tackled sewing a seam. Maybe I’ll actually bake something with (real!) yeast next ... (year? decade?) ...

Happily,
Tara B.

I usually try to minimize the conflict coaching I do via email because a) it’s usually not the best venue to discuss such important matters; and b) I simply don’t have the time.

But years ago, a friend wrote me this email and I did my best to encourage/help her in response. In praying through my “conciliation contact” subdirectory again this morning, I re-read her email and thought that if I edited it (to change the names and take out ALL identifying details), it might be even a small blessing/help to some of you.

So here you are ...

"Dear Tara,

Several years ago, at the request of our team leader, Thomas and I were involved in meeting with a couple who had decided that they would/could not comply with something the director (their supervisor) was asking them to do. The process was awkward, to say the least. But it was the best that could be done at the time.

After many months of talking and praying, Thomas and I finally conceded that change was not going to happen. This meant that the situation moved up to another level, and it eventually arrived at the “home office.” After studying the facts and talking to most of the people involved, the couple was ordered off of the field to go home for counseling. The couple agreed to do so, saying that counseling is always a good idea.

However, once they got home, they left their sending church, resigned from our missionary organization, raised support under a NEW organization, and returned to work in the same country.

Once they returned, I began getting her newsy notes again, as if nothing had happened. Over the past couple of years the wife has tried to re-establish the relationship she and I had before, but the husband seems to realize that this is not going to work.

I’ve tried to sort out how I feel about this couple, and if I’m in the “right place” along the forgiveness spectrum. I really think that I am. I don’t feel angry or betrayed anymore. I find myself praying (very occasionally, when they come to mind, since I don’t have them on my regular prayer list) that God would bless them. I don’t wish them evil. I almost never even think about them–BUT I will have a distinct possibility of running into them next month , and that’s why I’m even thinking about this issue now. A mutual friend, who also has had to work through her own relationship with the wife, has hinted to me that perhaps I should be doing more to restore my relationship with the wife.

And maybe that’s my question. What should my attitude be towards her? She’s not my co-worker anymore. They’ve not been willing to talk about what happened or the events surrounding their departure from our organization, so I don’t see that we have anything to talk about. In addition, every exchange with them as pretty much been, “They were 100% in the right, and anyone who disagreed with them was 100% in the wrong, and that was all there was to that,” that I don’t know how to begin to build back trust and put the relationship back together again.

Thanks for any help you can give."

And my response ...

"Dear Tawny,

So lovely to hear from you and see pictures of you and … [personal greetings] …

Re: your questions on your (very sad!) situation, I’m not sure I’m the best person to help you. Usually our church leaders and close friends/family have much greater wisdom to share with us. However, I do want you to know that I care, so here are just a few thoughts—please take them with a grain of salt and seek counsel on anything I share, OK?

To begin … I’m just so very, very sorry that this situation has occurred and has brought so much sadness to so many lives. Sin, unbelief, our humanness, fallenness, Satan, the world, the Old Man … life is just incredibly hard! And relationships (as I know you know) can be particularly hard that way.

So please know that I am sorry for your suffering and the suffering of everyone involved! I wish that I could help to comfort you all in that.

Regarding your specific questions on the situation (just brainstorming here):

1. It sounds like (from what you’ve described), this is a very common situation—in missionary agencies, churches, families, etc. Everyone wants to submit as long as they agree, but who wants to submit when they disagree? (I.e., does God REALLY work out His will through authority? Do our leaders REALLY have the right to be wrong?) ALSO … it is very, very common for someone (usually a woman) to have major relational problems for YEARS and have no one (absolutely no one) help her. It’s so sad!

Because I’d imagine that the woman you described has great gifts! But a history of conflict/broken relationships … well … hello pot, it’s me kettle. Of course I can relate and sympathize and I’m just so sorry for the entire situation. It seems to me that it really does take biblical, redemptive, accountable, ecclesiastical authority, redemptive church discipline, community to help us grow in grace. And most organizations / churches / families simply don’t operate this way—so how can we grow and actually DEAL with things?

2. What should your attitude be toward her? Same as toward every single person in your life, I would imagine: “Oh, look. A wretched, horrible sinner—just like me. Good thing God is such a gracious and forgiving God!! Now … how can I encourage HER to run to the Cross and remember the gospel and cling to CHRIST—just as I need desperate help to do the same?” Does that mean you just pick up the friendship where it ended before? Well, no, I can’t imagine that because it SEEMS (again—I’m only hearing one side of the story and I take everything anyone ever tells me with a huge grain of salt!) … that she needs rescue in a particular area (just as you do and I do—but maybe in other areas).

So what does redemptive relationship look like? Hmmmmmmmmm …. I don’t know for sure, but I could imagine that it might include, well: honesty (about what happened in the past and what is currently going on—if they truly are completely unwilling to even talk about it with you, that’s a huge red flag to me and I would be extremely cautious; that indicates a potential hard-heart and unteachable/proud spirit); truth (with charitable presumptions!); grace grace grace … and always wisdom from Heaven. (I.e., let’s say that this woman absolutely REFUSES to submit to ANY authority. Let’s say she is consistently destructive, a gossip, a slanderer … what is the most loving thing for this neighbor of yours? Who is authority over her who can help her? What is the most God-glorifying thing to do?)

3. I’m not sure how to respond to your “on the forgiveness spectrum” question—because I don’t really understand how/if she actually sinned against you. Did she offend you? Sin against you? Has she sought your forgiveness? How about you toward her? Why do you feel betrayed by her? Have you discussed this with her? You say she has broken trust and that hasn’t been restored—well, my friend, that doesn’t sound like there is “forgiveness” and “reconciliation” and “restoration of relationship.” And I know you know that YOU can’t make any of those things happen.

If she is unwilling to talk with you, get help, submit, seek counsel, repent, grow, confess, change … there is little you can do. And of course, it seems to me that there is no way for genuine friendship, trust, and restored relationship to happen. That doesn’t mean that you judge her, disdain her, think yourself more highly than her (NO WAY!) … but real relationship just doesn’t happen without conversation/humility/genuine care, etc.

4. I would encourage you to read How People Change (by Lane & Tripp) and pray specifically for wisdom as to how the Lord may or may not be calling you to minister the gospel in her life. I know you know this: but you are not the Holy Spirit. AND you are not the Church. AND you are not her husband or her ordained church leaders OR her organizational leaders either. So how much can / should you really even try to help her? How teachable is she? Is this a pearls before swine situation? Is she a fool who refuses to listen to any counsel? Or is there an opportunity here to serve and be involved? Difficult people change in COMMUNITY. It takes a Church to help those of us who are really messed up! (And I mean ME! ) One “friend” is not the answer. BUT … one friend might be an important piece. It really is a wisdom issue, dear, dear Tawny. And I don’t know the answer.

5. Lastly, and I think most importantly … setting aside all of the stuff about HER, I would encourage YOU to seek counsel, Tawny, from wise and loving friends/church leaders who love you enough to help you see the truth. Whatever this woman has done, is doing, and will do … I am absolutely 100% sure that YOU have much to learn about the Lord, yourself, your relationships, your heart, your areas of strength and weakness, your areas of faith and unbelief, hidden sins, wonderful delightful glorious beauty in you … and focusing on the LORD and YOUR HEART regarding this situation will only be toward your betterment and your greater conformity to Christ.

Honestly—there is so much room for growth in grace in YOU that has absolutely nothing to do with HER—that I encourage you to pray and focus on THAT. Oh, and you know what? As you glory in GOD and more accurately see your own heart? It is a sure bet that your heart will be more gracious and merciful to her—even if she never repents!—because you will be reveling in how much you deserve WRATH but how much God forgives YOU every single day.

OK—I totally have to run now. (Sophia and I have been on the road for two weeks helping family and I am just slammed.)

Sorry this is brief and quick and unedited … I should’ve re-read it and fixed its many errors. I do hope it is even a TINY bit edifying!!

Tawny, you are loved.
It’s going to be OK.

God is with you.
God is for His children!!

Hang in there—OK?
And get counsel from people with “boots on the ground” right there with you. Let them hold you and wipe your tears and counsel and comfort you!

Much, much love,
Tara B."

Sophia and I had such a sweet start to our day yesterday. I climbed in bed with her; the fresh, 6:30AM breeze making a perfect environment for cuddles and talking. And talk we did.

Most of our conversation was about “dating” because next Friday, Fred and I MAY go out on a date to celebrate our “last day before guests start arriving for Ella’s arrival” and in response to seeing that on the calendar, Sophie asked, “What’s a date?”

(Her question pointed out to me, yet again, how Fred and I really need to pick it up a bit in the “make time for our own relationship / have a regular date night” area because, truly, Sophie has no paradigm for her father and mother “dating.” And I don’t think that’s a good thing. In our defense, we used to say that “every night is date night for us” because the first eight and a half years we were married, we had no children. But then we never got out of that non-"real"-date-pattern when Sophie was born—we never made “adult-time” and “adult-conversation” a priority. And our marriage went through a very, VERY hard season, I believe at least partially as a result.)

But, as usual, I digress. Back to Sophie’s and my morning yesterday ...

I love being tucked in around Sophie, nose-to-nose, talking about whatever important topic is on her heart. I love how safe she feels, how she literally says, “I know we can talk about ANYTHING, Mom, because you will always love me. I might have a discipline, but you will always forgive me and always love me.” What a privilege! What a joy.

And then ... and then ...
(Cue scary music ...)

After her very last swim class of the summer, the two of us just had a TERRIBLE five-minute-drive home. No doubt the VAST majority of the problem was MY heart (I think Soph was really just being five years old), but things really got bad. Quickly.

Our conflict revolved around two things:

1. The fact that she did not advance to the next level of swim lessons because her teacher said she can’t float on her back. And she’s been happily, comfortably floating on her back, kicking and backstroking, and finning up and down the pool for over a YEAR now; and

2. Her dropping not one, not two, but multiple dried blueberries into the science-mystery-VORTEX of the backseat of the car, even after being warned about how they will melt and STAIN and please be careful.

Obviously, these two, MINOR MINOR MINOR things are not important. And I actually did really well handling the FIRST one. At first. Our conversation went something like this:

"Hey, Soph. Great job at class today. I’m proud of you."

“Thanks, Mom.”

“I’m wondering, though, if you can help me with something ... Your teacher seems to think you can’t float on your back. Do you have any idea why she might write that on your evaluation sheet? Can you float on your back?”

“Oh,” Sophie paused. “Yeah. Well. Yes, of course I can swim on my back, but I wanted to be the last student to go in class so I DIDN’T float on my back during class.”

Thus ensued a lengthy conversation about “doing all things to the Lord,” always doing our best, and the good stewardship of TIME and MONEY when it comes to any lesson / sport / whatever.

Soph felt appropriately bad (learned her lesson), but there were no painful consequences. No discipline. Just a teaching moment and I thought we could move on.

But then the blueberries started being dropped.

And I don’t really know WHY this put me over the edge. Fred hypothesizes that everything is harder ten days before you give birth and my lack of physical margin just tempted me right into sin. Could be.

But oh my STARS it frustrated me to have to get home and in the heat, take out both car seats and the floor mats and with a flashlight, try to find those blueberries before they melted and stained our poor, falling-apart-anyway car. I wasn’t raising my voice (thank God), but I was obviously upset. And I was whacking out my back. And it was just not a good moment.

When we finally got into the house, I WANTED to have one of those “all-cuddled-up-together-super-safe-Momma-Sophie” conversations (like our morning together). But I just couldn’t get there in my heart. That sweet moment of intimacy felt like it was a million miles away.

So I got a huge glass of ice water. Called Sophie to me. Put her on my lap. And called Fred to ask for his counsel and his prayers for us. (I HATE interrupting him at work! He is literally working until 12:30/1:00AM every single night. But I just couldn’t see a way out on our own.)

He was very helpful (insightful, encouraging, prayerful). And after we hung up, Soph and I confessed to each other, were reconciled, and then she said, “I think I’ll read you Psalm 23, Mom.” Which she did. And then she prayed such a sweet, gospel prayer that we could literally get up from this HORRIBLE HOUR with a clean slate and a clean heart and go into our super-fun afternoon at the pool:

"Thank You, God, that we are your children and you never stop loving us. Thank you for always forgiving us and helping us to forgive each other. Thank You, Jesus, for helping me to stop doing bad things. And thank You for helping Momma to not overreact. Thank You that we are your children and nothing will ever change that. Amen."

You know, I simply can’t imagine raising kids without the gospel. Without real help? And the hope of forgiveness? Our entire day would’ve been RUINED or we would have just had to SULK into our afternoon.

But instead, we could be honest AND reconciled.
I am just so grateful.

Hope your day yesterday was a blessed one too—

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
I actually have to go to the DENTIST this morning because I think one of my molars may be CRACKING. I can’t believe it. Another $1,000 in medical bills coming at us? I’m really trying not to freak out about it, but I feel SO guilty. Fred, of course, is unflappable—"No worries. You take great care of your teeth, but teeth age. It’s not your fault. God will provide." But I just feel like the most expensive, high-maintenance, falling-apart wifey on the planet.

I really hope your morning does not involve a trip to the dentist and/or a potential root canal ...

Thanks, TakeYourVitaminZ, for posting this great Spurgeon quote to remind us all of the gospel:

"The bridge of grace will bear your weight, brother. Thousands of big sinners have gone across that bridge, yea, tens of thousands have gone over it. I can hear their trampings now as they traverse the great arches of the bridge of salvation. They come by the thousands, by their myriads, e’er since that day when Christ first entered His glory.

They come and yet never a stone has sprung in that mighty bridge. Some have been the chief of sinners and some have come at the very last of their days but the arch has never yielded beneath their weight. I will go with them, trusting to the same support. It will bear me over as it has for them."

Have you heard this anecdote from the life of C.S. Lewis?

After one of his classes, C.S. Lewis was asked which of the world’s religions gives its followers the greatest happiness. Lewis paused and replied: “While it lasts, the religion of worshiping oneself is best.”

Oh! Don’t you want to know what he said NEXT?

I wonder if it was anything like this:

"O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am! Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths ...

Surely a man goes about as a shadow! Surely for nothing they are in turmoil; man heaps up wealth and does not know who will gather!

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.

Deliver me from all my transgressions. Do not make me the scorn of the fool!

Surely all mankind is a mere breath! Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry; hold not your peace at my tears!

For I am a sojourner with you, a guest, like all my fathers. Look away from me, that I may smile again, before I depart and am no more!" (Excerpts from Psalm 39)

Oh, how I pray that I will remember that my life is but a breath; this life is not my home.

May we live for God’s glory and our REAL HOME to come!

Blessings on your Thursday, my blog friends—

With love,
Tara B.

PS
As I type this, Fred and Sophie are having breakfast in the kitchen and this is the conversation I am overhearing:

(While HUMMING “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”), Sophie says, “I wish it were Sunday!”

“Why?” Fred asks.

"Because I’m in the CHURCH SPIRIT!"

“Ah,” Fred replies. “EVERY day is CHURCH SPIRIT day.”

We’ve really enjoyed Sophie’s swim lessons this summer:



Initially, when I thought about being 35-38 weeks pregnant this summer, I wasn’t sure that I would REALLY be up for lessons every Monday-Thursday morning for four straight weeks, but it’s worked out great.

Oh, and if you live in Billings and would like some fun-in-the-sun tomorrow (Thursday, July 16), we’re meeting some friends at Rose Park Pool (noon-ish until we feel like going home). Would love to have you join us!

CCEF’s Latest Enewsletter contained a link to a fantastic article by David Powlison on personal liturgies. Dr. Powlison writes:

"When I counsel with people who struggle with deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret, I sometimes suggest that they design a personalized liturgy. In what follows, I walk through the example of a woman who has had an abortion, and all that led up to that choice, and all that follows in someone whose conscience is alive. But you can tailor it to whatever struggle you or another person needs to deal with. Where is your struggle? God welcomes all who are weary with sin."

A Personal Liturgy of Confession

I just love my husband.

The other night, I mentioned to him how, if our baby (to be born by c-section in twelve days (!!) has Down Syndrome, then I really wish that I hadn’t been going around announcing her name as “Eleanor Marie (Ella)”, because I would really want her name then to be Felicity.

Fred didn’t blink. “Then her name will be Felicity.”

“But we’ve been calling her Ella and praying for Ella and I even have ”Ella Marie" decorations on her nursery wall."



“Who cares?” Fred said. “If you feel strongly that our little girl should be named Felicity if she is born with Down Syndrome, then that’s her name.”

Don’t you just love this guy?

Then we had a brief conversation about how we will feel if the baby has Down Syndrome. (A higher “risk” for me because I’m 39. But no indications in her ultrasounds. Still ... the Lord knows exactly how He has knit this baby together in my womb, so we won’t know until she is born.)

And I shared with Fred some of the resources that have helped me to prepare, and even look forward to parenting a child with Down Syndrome if that is the path God has laid out for our family:

- Our Little Extra - A Mother’s Day Down Syndrome Celebration

- About that Extra Chromosome

- When it Comes to Down Syndrome, Who’s Teaching Whom?

(And there are many more of great articles in MommyLife’s Archives on Down Syndrome.)

At the end of our conversation, I confessed to Fred that at the beginning of this pregnancy, I really thought our baby would have Down Syndrome and (this probably sounds very strange to most of you), I was a little sad when the ultrasound said that she appears to not. So he just replied:

"Well, maybe we’ll get to adopt a little girl with Down Syndrome one day and then we will have our little Felicity."

Seriously? I just love this guy.

Preach it, Pastor Anyabwile!

Church Membership? YES!

Tim Challies recently posted a number of profound quotes on friendship:

Spiritual Friendship

If you don’t have time to read them all, consider just a few excerpts:

"There is a strange felicity, a wondrous enchantment, which comes from true intimacy of heart, and close communion of soul, and the result is more than mere fleeting joy. When it is shared in the deepest thoughts and highest aspirations, when it is built on a common faith, and lives by a common hope, it brings perfect peace."

“We cannot live a self-centered life, without feeling that we are missing the true glory of life ... The joy, which a true friendship gives, reveals the existence of the want of it, perhaps previously unfelt.”

“That anybody in the world should be got to love us, and to see in us not what colder eyes see, not even what we are but what we may be, should of itself make us humble and gentle in our criticism of others’ friendships. Our friends see the best in us, and by that very fact call forth the best from us.”

Fred and I are very ignorant about many topics, but we’re enjoying learning and growing as we parent Sophia.

One topic we know pretty much nothing about is opera. But we’re trying to learn! Especially as we look forward to a visit with Fred’s brother, Thomas Barthel, who will be performing in Billings the week after Ella is born. (Thomas is the music director of the International Opera Studio at the Zurich (Switzerland) Opernhaus.)

To introduce us a bit to opera, I purchased Stories from the Opera and wondered, honestly, if Sophie would have any interest in it at all. Sure, lots of people say “KIDS LOVE OPERA!” but I had my doubts. Really? Five year olds & opera?

YES! YES! YES! Sophie is completely ensorceled.

She reads the stories out loud to me every day. She listens to the audio CDs every day while reading the book. Again.

And yesterday? She came downstairs wrapped in a blankie-TOGA, dressed all in white, and got out some craft glue and rubber bands to craft her very own LYRE so she could be ORPHEUS (from the opera Orpheus and Eurydice by Gluck):



So I’m a believer. The music is wonderful. The stories always have little “twists” and “inside scoops” that delight children. (The opera version of Cinderella, La Cenerentola by Rossini, is SO fun and interesting! I had no idea.) And all in all, it’s just been wonderful.

Just a quick note to say HELLO and WELCOME to any viewers of the television show “The Bridge” that might be stopping by after my interviews about Peacemaking Women.



I hope that you enjoy poking around my current posts and old archives too.

So happy you are here with us!

Blessings and joy,
Tara B.

PS
My two-day interview on the Miracle Channel is airing in the USA on Direct TV through the NRB Channel 378 on July 13-14 at 12 Noon Eastern and the first program will repeat on July 17th.

One of my absolute favorite signs of summer ... Fred and Sophie harvesting raspberries every morning from our backyard:



And a couple of photos from Fred & Sophie’s Thomas the Tank Engine adventure yesterday:

Ready to laugh?

Have you see the YouTube video “United Breaks Guitars” that has apparently gone viral? IT’S HYSTERICAL. I thought Eleanor Marie was going to come early I laughed so hard.

Here’s the video:



And the story behind the video: United Breaks Guitars

BTW–Fred wanted me to point out the peacemaking aspects of all of this. Apparently, the broken-guitar-victim-guy is really nice and not even looking for any money (wants the proceeds donated to charity or something):



But rather than trying to make any teaching points, I’m just laughing.

As I type this, Fred is meeting with our other church elders and deacons to pray, study, and discuss how our church can be more missional in serving our local community. We were talking about the same topic at our women’s study last Wednesday. Later in the week, my friend shared about a new relationship she has with a young woman who is facing some major troubles — and she’s praying about how she might become more intentionally involved in her life.

How grateful I am for these reminders and helps to NOT “shut down”, do nothing, and hide away in my easy life simply because the mercy needs around me seem so complex. The truth is, they ARE complex! But God gives us grace and resources to do SOMETHING to help.

Another great (stunning, actually!) reminder and advisor to me on missional, mercy living has been the blog, “UrbanServant.” Read yesterday’s post and you’ll see why:

Emergency Preparedness

(Oh! What a cushy life I have. What can I do, even today, even feeling nauseous and very, very pregnant, to prepare and to serve?)

Until a few minutes ago, I don’t think I consciously realized just how stressful it was to meet our c-section surgeon (for Ella) this morning and re-live/discuss all of the things that went dangerously wrong during Sophia’s emergency c-section back in 2003:

- Laboring all day long (ten hours), fully dilated, but baby was “stuck”
- I spiked a dangerous high fever (105.5+)
- Sophie’s heart rate quickly grew Tachycardic in response
- The doctors said, “No more laboring. We need to get her out NOW.”

- Wheeled to the operating room, more epidural coming on board, but it didn’t take
- I’m feeling the surgeons INSIDE OF ME (like a BAD horror movie); can still move my legs up and down on the table (WHILE they are INSIDE OF ME ... not the textbook way to have a c-section)

(That’s my last conscious thought/memory FOR HOURS because without warning, they put me under general anesthesia; I would have to learn the rest of what happened hours later from Fred when I finally started coming around to consciousness.)

- Sophia was SO FAR descended that she was STUCK. They called for STOOLS. The braced against the table up to the shoulders.
- Finally they got her out! But her TEN POUND BODY tore a major artery on the left side of my uterus and I started to bleed out
- All the while, Sophie is BLUE and NON-RESPONSIVE (first APGAR OF “3”)

- NICU resuscitation team does their thing and HOORAY! She breathes! She cries! Five minute APGAR is an 8 or 9. Praise God!
- Surgeons are controlling MY bleeding, nurse is counting the blood-soaked cloths that are flying out of me

- I get sewed up and brought back to recovery and a few hours later try to CLAW my way back to consciousness whispering only two words under my oxygen mask, “Baby? OK?”

Yes. Yes. I guess I just needed to have a little minor PTSD in talking all that through and discussing with the surgeon how, Lord willing, things will be different in TWO WEEKS and TWO DAYS when we show up for our (hopefully) controlled, non-emergency, no one in distress, CALM c-section for Eleanor Marie.

But man. I’m sitting here alone tonight and something painful and scary has been struck at a deep level inside of me.

I don’t think it’s worry, per se. I don’t feel some need to control or fix things.
And scary doesn’t seem to be the right word either.

I think maybe it’s just pain.
Sorrow.
Another opportunity to grieve the ramifications of life in a fallen world.

And OF COURSE another opportunity to PRAISE GOD, thank Him, trust Him, and shout my gratitude for His love, care, and provision of such miraculously fine medical care. Truly, Sophie and I would have both died if we had not received such wise, well-timed care.

And even though I know that accidents can always happen and only God knows for sure what will happen with our little Bella-Ella, we have every hope and assurance that the medical care we will receive will be top-notch.

And so ... and so ...

I think I just need to drink some water and get to bed.

My heart is so heavy, but it’s an “irrational / hormonal / nothing really bad is happening / my life is good so why do I feel like crying and never stopping crying” kind of heavy.

Sounds like rest will help. So I’m running (well, waddling) to the One Who invites weary, melting-down Momma Tara to come to Him and find rest for my soul. And at the same time I’m waddling to bed.

Praying your Friday is a restful one–

I appreciate you, dear blog readers! Commenters and lurkers alike. I appreciate you.

Good night and God bless—

Yours,
Tara B.

I just finished a marathon reading out loud session to Sophia because she brought me Pilgrim’s Progress: As Retold by Gary D. Schmidt and Illustrated by Barry Moser.

We’ve had this book around for awhile but OH MY! It is INTENSE at times, so I haven’t tried to engage Soph with it too much. I’ve introduced it a little bit at a time, but let her set the pace for our progress through it.

Today she was ready and eager to read and read and so we did. If you’re interested in introducing your kids to Pilgrim’s Progress (and having even more opportunities / examples / illustrations to discuss normal life stuff too), I recommend it.

(Oh–and in the interest of full disclosure ... unlike the shaving cream I mentioned the other day, if you do click through to the Amazon link I pasted above and buy from Amazon, I do get a tiny seller’s referral fee. It doesn’t cost YOU anything, but unlike Bath & Body Works, Amazon pays me when people buy things through my website.)

As our friends were leaving yesterday evening, Soph pretty much had a 4:30PM meltdown.

(Do your children ever have those? Do you? As true introverts, Sophia and I do. All the time. Even though most people THINK are extroverts because of how we can come across in group settings, the truth is that we both hit an emotional WALL where it is really, really hard to persevere in being friendly, gentle, and kind around PEOPLE. Of course, personality/temperament should NEVER be used as an excuse for SIN (rudeness, anti-social and unfriendly meanness). But it sure has been helpful to learn more about our tendencies so that we can be better prepared in how we respond. Especially when we are FRIED / PEOPLED-OUT.)

Anyway ... Sophie was very rude in her meltdown and I told her to go and have a seat inside while I said goodbye to our friends. She (understandably) assumed she would have a discipline when I got there. But instead, when I got back in the house, I just wrapped her in my arms (yes, we can still cuddle if we are VERY strategic in where she puts most of her weight so that Ella and I aren’t completely squished), tucked her under a blanket, stroked her hair, and kissed and kissed her.

She was surprised to say the least.

"I thought I was going to have a discipline!" she said.

“Yes, you surely deserve discipline, Soph. But I decided, instead, just to cuddle with you and love you and give you MERCY.”

(Silence. Silence.)

“Because I started to be good again?” she asked.

(Which was funny because, of course, she HADN’T started to be good again. But you could see her trying to figure out the WORKS-REASON behind my mercy. Don’t we all do this? “What GOOD thing have I done to DESERVE this?” "WHY are we receiving mercy now? It must be because we DESERVE IT, right?" Ahhhhh ... but mercy is never deserved. That’s what makes it mercy!)

“No, sweetheart. You haven’t started being good again. I’m not giving you mercy because of something you’ve done or haven’t done. I’m giving you mercy because JESUS gives ME so much mercy. Every day. He is so compassionate and gracious to me that I am being compassionate and gracious to you.”

(Silence. Silence. And then the tears started to fall.)

“But I’m still all ugly and angry in my heart.”

“I know. I understand. We all have very ugly and angry hearts at times.”

“But I’m SO BAD that I don’t think I should even BE in our family. Or in GOD’S FAMILY.”

"AHHHHH. Yes. But here’s the GREAT NEWS, Sophia. Here is THE Good News ... It doesn’t matter how you feel. It doesn’t matter how bad you think you are. There is absolutely, 100%, NOTHING you can do to stop my love for you or God’s love for you and NOTHING you can ever do to not be in our family and in God’s family."

“But I don’t FEEL like I can be forgiven.”

“I understand. Feelings are very strong. But let’s remember TRUTH. How do you know what is TRUE?”

“The Bible.”

“Right. And what does the Bible say?”

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness ...”

“EXACTLY. So, is God a liar?”

“No.”

“Is the Bible full of lies?”

“No.”

“In this very moment, which are you going to put your faith in ... your feelings or the TRUTH?”

“Truth.”

(And so we kept on cuddling away ...)

Oh that we would all believe God’s Word more than our feelings!

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Blessings on your Friday–

Yours,
Tara B.

.......

(Male blog readers, you may want to skip this post. Total chick post. Well, unless you want to bless your wives with a gift certificate or something.)

........

OK. I hope that you don’t ever feel like I’m trying to sell you anything on this blog. I’m regularly asked to join teams and sell jewelry, makeup, skin care products, storage containers (oooh! that’s a hard one to say no to), etc. etc. And I always say no. And I promise I won’t ever make a DIME off of any sales of this product if you happen to click through and buy it ...

But oh my STARS! I love this shaving cream!

Bath and Body Works: Shave the Day (Silky Smooth Shaving Cream)

A tiny sample was included in a (lovely) gift basket I received from my mother in law for my birthday (THANKS, CHRIS!) and I went to use it, not really thinking a) I’d like it; or b) even if I liked it, I’d ever really care about it. I’ve really been a “use the cheapest shaving cream that exists” kind of gal for 25 years or so.

But I have to say, this stuff is amazing. I know it’s just about as non-important an item as I could ever recommend to you, but if you’re ever in the mood to try something new and you happen to be walking by a Bath & Body Works store, I encourage you to check it out.

I love to spend time with little girls and little boys. They are so interesting and I always learn from them.

Take yesterday’s bowling adventure as an example ...

I care for three children on Wednesday afternoons so that their mom can volunteer at our local Crisis Pregnancy Center. (As an aside, it is SO GREAT to see how God is using this woman’s brilliant mind and compassionate, insightful, gospel-driven heart to minister and serve at the Center! The kids and I just love getting to be even a tiny part of her ministry every Wednesday.)

Anyway ... yesterday was our last Wednesday together pre-Ella, so I took them bowling and invited other little kids to “stop on by” if it worked in their family’s schedule.

We ended up having four lanes of children bowling simultaneously and it was a fun time with lots of peacemaking opportunities too. For example ... CHOOSING WHO GOES WITH WHOM ONTO WHICH LANE.

As you might imagine, the boys didn’t really care. They lined up, signed up, and started bowling.

But OH! There were some serious and interesting discussions for the GIRLS. Who wanted to be with whom. Everyone (trying!) to be kind to everyone but, you know, some days little girls feel all super-close-and-special-friend-y with certain little girls and, well, it made for an interesting dynamic.

(Plus, I had a bit of a flash forward in my mind to pre-teen years and teen years and WOW! Could I see how EASY it is for girls in churches / Christian schools / homeschool co-ops to really become divided and divisive if we (the parents!) don’t prayerfully counsel, rebuke, encourage, advise, and HELP THEM to have healthy and loving relationships.)

It all worked out, thankfully. The girls were teachable and (overall) very sweet and we had a fun time together.

But as I woke up this morning, I was reminded again how important it is to, yes, enjoy our “real” friends. Those rare, precious relationships that are “easy” and comfortable; that don’t take a lot of effort; that are a true and innocent PLEASURE.

BUT ALSO—to always be aware, every Sunday at church, every women’s Bible study or event, just in life in general ... that we are called to BE KIND TO EVERYONE and NOT “USE” people for our own selfish gain. We must not “huddle away” surrounded by the people we “really” like and enjoy. Even we introverts need to GET OUT THERE, engage (even though it’s hard!), ask questions, LISTEN, get to know people, let them know we care.

Will we be “best friends” with everyone? Of course not.
But can we be a blessing to the Body? Serve the stranger in our midst?
Love, expecting (requiring, demanding) NOTHING in return?

I pray that it is so.

(And I thank God for the children who talk with me and share their lives and insights with me because they truly bless me and help me to grow in grace.)

Off into our day now! Second-to-last-time I’ll see my doc for our normal prenatal appointment before the c-section. Wow.

Happy Thursday—

Yours,
Tara B.

I can’t believe it.

Working all day and then nights until midnight and Saturdays too. Trying to get as much work done on this leadership series as possible pre-Ella.

And then today? He gets called for JURY DUTY next week.

My poor husband!

The last time he did his civic duty, he was the foreman of a TEN DAY JURY TRIAL. Yeep!

Here’s hoping for a nice day of nothing more than a few speeding tickets. Poor guy.

I know it’s not real suffering, and of course he just chuckled and didn’t complain at all ... but I really thought, “When it rains it pours.”

I have a much easier job just lugging around this sweet, giant-tummy-filling baby.

(I told the kids today at bowling that Ella weighs more than their bowling balls—6 lbs—and asked if THEY would like to strap that bowling ball to their gut and, you know, make dinner for their families, go shopping, clean, etc. etc. They were unanimous in their, “No!” responses. So then I encouraged them all to go home and hug and thank all their MOMMIES for lovingly carrying them AND taking care of their homes/families at the same time. )

G'nite, friends—

Yours,
Tara B.

Couldn’t resist snapping these photos of (5 year old) Sophia helping (2 year old) Abigail review the first 10 questions of the catechism yesterday:



Mmmmmmmmm. I love it!

* UPDATE * I heard from a blog reader who missions team will take them to homeless children in Columbia! Hooray! * UPDATE *

Sophia and I have made a really big box of VERY clean, practically brand-new STUFFED ANIMALS that we would like to share with anyone who could use them to encourage / serve / minister to children.

(I know “used” stuffed animals can seem VERY VERY gross and you may be reticent to believe us, but these are SUPER-DEE-DUPER-DEE spotless, really really nice, practically new/unused stuffed animals.)

They are all SOFT and cuddly. A couple of the dolls have a beautiful multi-cultural mix of darker complexion skin and hair. There are MANY small, multi-colored bears from various USA states (that I’ve picked up for her at various airports). A super cute, fuzzy horse backpack and a super cute, fuzzy Disney purse. A big, gorgeous zebra. A Mommy and baby bunny rabbit. And lots more.

If you know ANYONE who might be blessed by this box, please email me your shipping address and I’ll pop them in the mail to the first person I hear from.

Thanks, friends!

Hope your day is going well, too. I’ve been pushing hard since 5AM, but it’s a happy pushing. Time with our friends' newborn and toddler was SWEET. I even broke out my MayaWrap when the newborn fell asleep on my chest and OOOOOH! It was great to play with the other girls, make them lunch, and just do life again with a lovie-bug-muffin snoozin' away on my chest.

(I love my MayaWrap!!)

What a grace to have even a few hours with such precious children.

We won’t see Fred again until morning—but he may have a project that I can help him with, so that’d be great if I can serve him even in some small way.

Blessed Tuesday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

* UPDATE * I heard from a blog reader who missions team will take them to homeless children in Columbia! Hooray! * UPDATE *

As we chatted about gymnastics class yesterday, Sophie shared something with me that was quite profound. It was hard to hear at first—but then I simply rejoiced in God’s grace at work in her heart.

Our conversation went something like this:

"Mom? Something kind of bad happened at the beginning of gymnastics class. I was a little unkind in my heart to a certain new girl."

“Really? Tell me about that. What happened? Did you quarrel? Or did something just tempt you to be mean to her?”

“Yes. It was my just my heart. She didn’t do anything. I just didn’t like her when I met her because she was was bigger (fatter) than all of us.”

“Um-hmmmm. That sometimes happens to all of us. We meet someone and there is just something that is different about them and we instinctively don’t like them.”

“Yeah. But Mom? Here’s the great news! I didn’t like how my heart was feeling toward her. I knew it was wrong. And so I prayed and remembered that she was created in GOD’S image and guess what? My heart was totally different towards her! And we had a fun rest of class together!”

We went on to chat about how good God is to work in our hearts by His Holy Spirit. That God really IS sanctifying us and conforming us to be more like Jesus. That He really DOES give us the strength to resist when we are tempted.

And we also had a really good visit about how influential societal norms are — that even as non-television-watchers, we are surrounded by images of “perfect,” beautiful, THIN children and adults, all wearing “perfect” clothing, with “perfect” hair, etc. And society really screams at us that ONLY thin, beautiful, well-dressed people are “worthy” (of love, happiness, friendship, attention, care, respect).

But God says something altogether different. He says that people are created in His image and they have souls that will last forever. THEREFORE, even if a person has a deforming disability and instinctively we may be a little surprised or even uncomfortable, what matters is that the person is a PERSON, created in God’s image, and so we treat them with respect and care and honor.

(Ditto on a person who just looks different from us; has a scar or birthmark or growth; is severely overweight—like her mother, by the way, and not just because of the baby in utero; uses a wheelchair for mobility; walks with a gait, is missing a limb, or whose mind works differently from us.)

Oh! It was a profound conversation and I was so grateful that my daughter WANTS to talk about such things with me. I love getting to be a part of her life. I love getting to be PRESENT with her so that our hearts can be knit together. What a grace.

Much to do today! Swim lessons, taking care of my friend’s newborn and toddler, violin lessons, and then I think I’ll collapse for a bit ...

Blessed Tuesday to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

I am (slowly!) making it through the piles and chaos around here. Not worrying about it or setting unrealistic expectations, but also trying very hard to get things in order as much as possible before the baby arrives (in 2 weeks and 6 days! Yeep!).

This weekend I made some great progress on the girls' room and did another level of in-depth organizing re: baby toys, puzzles, games, books, videos, etc. So I think we’re in good shape there.

But then I wanted to turn my attention to some “BOY-TYPE-AREAS” (i.e., pockets of resistance/chaos that really needed some help/guidance from FRED). Specifically, the GARAGE and the UTILITY SHELVES in our basement.

Fred was game to try (because even HE was not happy about the level of disorder), but it also made him pretty easily frustrated and pretty miserable as we got into it. Too many unknowns. Too difficult to categorize. WAY too unpleasant to go through tiny plastic storage box by tiny plastic storage box to sort into genres / toss / give / file.

Tensions began to rise and I could tell that we really needed to CUT OUR LOSSES and just do the best we could for a LEVEL ONE INITIAL ORGANIZING. Because otherwise, we might end up with things REALLY neat and orderly, but I would’ve made my husband MISERABLE. And it’s just not worth it.

So let me show you what compromise looks like.

Here are the before and after photos of our utility shelves downstairs:



Now, just to let you know, I DID take everything OUT to begin. (Pretty much the cardinal rule of REAL organizing, don’t you think? I just can’t imagine how else you can really figure out what you HAVE and then, what to DO with what you have.)

And I did sort by genres as best I could. (One of the reasons I couldn’t REALLY do this job right is because I simply have NO IDEA what a bunch of that “boy stuff” is for.)

But when I came to the point where I really needed Fred’s help. (And recognizing that after working very, very hard on lots of other tasks around the house, he REALLY wasn’t in a good place to tackle that level of minute organizing.) I just found three sturdy, sort of neat-looking boxes ... and I put the (sort of organized by genre) stuff in them.

a) I have usable shelves that don’t drive me crazy every time I go to reach for something I really need;

b) We have at least the same ability to find things in the utility room area as we did previously (and maybe even a tiny bit better because of my genre-sorting-work); and

c) Fred and I aren’t fighting.

Sounds like a win-win-win to me.

(Thank you, God, for helping me to NOT push Fred and make him miserable JUST to accomplish “MY” goal! What a grace.)

Today, I think it’s time to tackle one more pocket of resistance—archiving my files in my office—and then, drum-roll please, I really want to SLAY THE BEAST, the hardest and most complicated organizing project I’m working on pre-Ella ... THE SCHOOL ROOM.

(Aaaaaaaah! Insert screams of terror here.)

Yes, it’s time. Piles are just NOT cutting it for History, Math, Phonics, French, Science, Fine Arts, Music, etc. etc. Craft supplies are NOT sorting themselves into cute little color-coordinated piles. Our logic games are completely illogical in how they are stacked and our puzzles are puzzling. I have the GEAR—a nice assortment of organizing boxes that FORMERLY held a bunch of BOY STUFF in our utility shelves—I think I have the TIME to do some serious work today. So we shall see ...

Fred is again in the zone to work day and night at Peacemakers on his big project, so Soph and I are pretty much on our own this week if you live in Billings and want to hang out ...

Happy Monday to you—

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Nothing like the combination of water, a splash pool, and a Golden Retriever to help beat the heat, eh?

My dear friend Lori Johnson has a new blog, Helplessly Hopeful ... Meandering in the Shadow of the King, and she asked me to write a little “guest post” on the topic of using hypotheticals with our children.

I was happy to do so, of course, because I love Lori! And also because hypotheticals have been a great help to us in our parenting of Sophia.

So what does Sophie mean when she says, “Hey Mom! Let’s do a hypothetical!”

The ten-second-Web-search definitions said that a hypothetical is a possible situation or circumstance that deals with the concept of “what if ...” In our family, we make up scenarios and say something along the lines of, “Hypothetically, if you were walking down the street and a car pulled up next to you ...”

Basically, we paint a picture of a situation and then ask Sophie to think through and discuss how she would respond.

We “run hypotheticals” for all sorts of situations, not just safety situations. And we have found that they really help us to talk about important topics in a safe, open, and interesting format. Plus, they give us time to discuss the “WHY” behind the situation IN ADVANCE of the challenge/crisis/danger. I think this is particularly important because those hyper-adrenaline-filled situations are not usually the best times to try to have a rational teaching moment.

Let me give you a few examples:

- “Wow. Great job coming so cheerfully and promptly when I called you, Sophie. I really appreciate it!” (As we snap on our seat belts and pull out of the garage ...) “I’m really excited that you obeyed because now I get to bless you with a surprise! After our errands, I’d like us to stop for an ice cream cone.” ("Hooray!") “Soph, I’m just curious. Hypothetically, if you had whined, complained, or said, ”But MOM! I’m not done with my mosaic yet!", do you think that I could bless you with a treat now?" “No.” "That’s right. Why is that?" “Because then you would be blessing and rewarding my sin and then YOU would be sinning too.”

- "Hypothetically, Sophie, if your VERY EXPENSIVE new bike rolled into the street, would you go and get it so that you could keep it safe?" “No.” "Why not?" “Because PEOPLE are more important than THINGS. You can replace a bike, but you can’t replace a person.” "That’s right. So what would you do?" “I would get a grownup to help.”

- “Sophie, let’s picture your violin group class.” "OK." "Hypothetically, how do you think it would affect the class if one of the children was arguing constantly with the teacher and refused to participate in the activities?" “It would be bad for that student, really disrespectful of the teacher, and ruin things for ALL of us.” "Why do you think it would ruin things for everyone?" “Because rather than having fun and learning together, the teacher would have to keep stopping to correct the disobedient child. So we wouldn’t get to do the group activities AND it’s no fun to be disciplined.”

- "Hypothetically, if your gymnastics teacher gave you the command to sit on the side of the balance beam, what would you do?" “I would sit on the side of the balance beam.” "Great. Why?" “Because she is the teacher and I am under her authority, so I cheerfully obey her command.” "OK. But now, hypothetically, what if you saw your gymnastics teacher at the grocery store and she commanded you to GET INTO HER CAR? What would you do?" “I would NOT obey her. Instead, I would run to my Safe Side Grown Up.” "Great! Why would you not obey her and get into her car?" “Because she doesn’t have authority to give me THAT command; that would be foolish and dangerous. Just like no one has the authority to command me to not love God or to sin (or to keep a secret from Mommy and Daddy or to inappropriately touch me in my private area, etc. etc.), I don’t have to obey her in THAT situation.”

I could go on and on. Some hypotheticals are silly, some are serious. But in either case, we’re just thinking through a situation, talking about it, and learning together.

Obviously, you need to be WISE as to what is age-appropriate information. (I remember being told WAY too many details about terrifyingly scary, and statistically VERY improbable, possibilities as a child. And I caution you against scaring your children in this way. That’s one of the reasons why I really appreciate "The Safe Side Super Chick" way of talking about this stuff with kids. The categories of “Safe Side, Kinda-Know, and Don't-Know” are a great way to help children to think through safety issues. And I particularly like being able to emphasize how MOST Don-Knows would probably NEVER hurt a child, but we just don’t know. And so we use wisdom.)

Also, I want to encourage you to always look for ways to show MERCY, even in hypotheticals. (Just because the child may DESERVE a painful consequence, that doesn’t meant that there might not be mercy given.)

So that’s pretty much hypotheticals in a nutshell. If you think of other aspects that I may have missed, Lori, please just let me know. I’d love to learn AND edit this post and make it even more helpful to your readers.

Blessings to you all!

Your sister in Christ,
Tara Barthel

I had SUCH a funny dream last night ...

Fred and I were standing there watching my belly do its amazing gymnastics feats (Eleanor Marie has been extremely active lately, praise God), when suddenly, BLOOP! Out she popped. Happy. Sparkly-clean. Dressed in a super cute newborn onesie. Eyes open. Big smile. All ready to be cuddled and loved.

I quickly called my doctor to tell him, “Hey! We can cancel the c-section. She decided to come on her own. We’re all doing great here. Have a nice weekend.”

If only ...
If only ...

!!

(21 days until we leave for the hospital ...)

Last night, as we finished 1 Samuel 20 in our family devotions, Sophie began to weep. She just couldn’t bear the thought that such good friends as Jonathan and David had to be separated because of the sins and wickedness of Saul.

As I held her and comforted her, we had a great discussion about many important things:

- How the way of the sinner really is hard; it is a path of death.

- That one person’s sin really does affect many more people than just that one person. Our discussion actually reminded me of a mediation case I served on involving adultery. I will never forget the gaunt, stricken, life-turned-inside-out devastation written on the wife’s face. She was striving to trust God in the midst of the horror; but OH! She was suffering as the result of her husband’s sin.

- That it is OK, it is good to cry over such things. Life in a fallen world is painful. This world is Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be. We’re not called to be stoics. We weep. We grieve.

- But, as Christians, we grieve with hope because we know that One Good Day, Jesus will return and make everything right again. This was particularly encouraging to Sophie as we talked. Even through her wobbly tears, her eyes had a small glint of happiness as she talked about Jesus returning with trumpets, splitting the sky in two. No more sin. No more sorrow. No more having to say goodbye to loved ones. It was just so good to be able to comfort her, really comfort her, with truth. We didn’t have to baby her ("There, there ...") or give her some sort of sentimental platitude. We didn’t just distract her from the true sadness of this true story.

Instead, we encouraged her to cry when she feels sad. ("Even Jesus wept ...") To reflect a bit on what happened to make the situation so tragic and sad. (Was it simply life in a fallen world? Or was it the ramification of sin?) And to remember the Lord in the midst of it—His goodness, greatness, sovereignty, power, and redemptive love.

(Oh! How grateful I am to be a Christian as I parent our little love-bug.)

Hope your 4th of July was a blessed one—

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
For a profound article on grieving with hope, I encourage you to read Dr. Paul Tripp’s Grief Finding Hope Again.

Our morning started by dropping off our poor old Honda at the shop for another round of $700 repairs. (It just seemed like the wise thing to do rather than having to go into debt to get a newer used car right now.) Praise God we have the funds saved for auto maintenance! So hopefully we’ll pick up a car by the end of the day that you DON’T hear three blocks away (one of the problems was muffler-related).

Then we enjoyed pancakes and cuddles and TWO chapters of “Silver Chair.” Ooooh! I think the Narnia books just keep on getting better and better.

After exhaustedly lying around for a little while, I pulled myself together and started organizing (tossing / donating / archiving for Ella for later / keeping out) our family games, puzzles, and Soph’s DVDs. It’s a lot of work (made harder by my inability to bend at the waist)! But I’m trying to get as much done in these last three weeks as possible. I’m especially motivated to get the school room cleaned and organized because OH MY but the chaos is beginning to reign in there.

As a reward/treat, I’m saving one organizing task until I accomplish some of my duties for the day ... organizing my new baby/diaper bag! Fred blessed me with a super-pretty brown and pink feminine bag that I just LOVE:



My old one (that I saved from Sophie and just assumed I would use again) was great, but quite utilitarian: Black. Sturdy. Perfect for the 74 airplane rides that I took Soph on during her first year of life (!!) ... but since it seems like I’m really going to be in a quieter season of life with Eleanor Marie, I thought, “Why not have a pretty bag?” And thanks to good ol' Ebay I got this charmer brand-new for pennies on the dollar:



What a treat. I’m looking forward to packing it up if can make some progress on the rest of the chaos. Onesies and burp cloths, here we come. (I’m also motivated to get going on packing for the hospital because I had my first REAL contraction this week! Next week I’m full term (37 weeks), so I guess it was time to really get this show on the road. But wow! What a (happily painful) motivator.

Hope your day is a blessed one and that your 4th of July celebrations are reflective, fun, and safe!

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness ...

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States ..."

How I thank God for the privilege of being a citizen of this flawed, but wonderful country.

(And how I thank God for the men and women who have sacrificed, even giving “the last full measure of devotion” so that we might be free.)

Blessings to you all–

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
I’m listening to Keith and Kristyn Getty’s new album, “Awaken the Dawn” as I work. And enjoying it.

I received a little mini-wave of conciliation inquiries at the beginning of the summer—all having to do with Christians suffering in horribly miserable marriages.

It broke my heart to hear their stories. (I was even open to taking on one case for free in my nine-month-pregnant-state.) And I was reminded of other couples I have tried to serve over the years who still suffer greatly in their marriages, or who have turned their back on the Lord (and their families) and taken up lives with their lovers because they were “just so much more happier” away from their spouses, indulging in what feels good for them.

I am always particularly sad about the Christian couples who, in a sincere effort to “not sin,” remain married legally and never commit adultery ... but who absolutely, 100% live apart from their spouses. Maybe under the same roof. Maybe in a new home or city. They tell themselves:

"See! I’m doing the right thing. I’m not getting a divorce. God won’t mind that I never speak to my spouse or pray/honor/cherish him/her. We can’t bear to be in the same room with one another. Our marriage is dead, but there’s nothing I can do."

Oh oh oh! I just don’t know if I can express how much this pains me. Not only because I know a tiny sliver of suffering in marriage (and truly, I believe it is a taste of Hell on earth to be in a miserable Christian marriage); but also because I know that God raises dead marriages to life. He truly does. I’ve seen it.

Married 10, 20, 30+ years. Loving Jesus. Loving your kids. Serving your church.Hating one another. (Or going around that dark, dead corner into not even caring any more—the reach indicator of true hatred.)

Even in these tragic situations, there can be hope. But I truly believe that it takes the Church. For this is how I respond when (usually it’s the wife who contacts me), I am told, “I’ve done everything I can. HE refuses to get counseling. HE refuses to try. There’s nothing else I can do.”

Gently, carefully, I ask:

"Really? Have you? Have you gone to the ordained leadership of your local church?"

(Usually I’m interrupted ... “Oh sure. We’ve tried pastoral counseling. It doesn’t work. Nothing changes.”)

But then I continue ... “And have they not only counseled you and your husband. Have they loved you both enough to DISCIPLINE you?”

“Huh?”

I expect it. I’m not naive enough to think that most churches discipline their members. I know that most church leaders have no idea what their responsibilities are as overseers and shepherds; and even if they do and are sincere in their desire to lead and serve well, most have no training in HOW to (lovingly, humbly, gently, faithfully, WISELY) carry out both formative and judicial/punitive discipline.

But oh! How I wish they did.

Sin is insidious. Satan is real. The world is “no friend to grace.”

We are all tempted at times to great unbelief and great failures in doctrine and life. God protects us, grows us, and ministers His grace to us in many ways, including the loving accountability and discipline of the local church.

I could go on and on about this topic, but I need to move us into our day now. So let me instead post a link to the article that got me thinking about all of this:

Where Extraordinary Grace and Celestial Joy Meet

It is a remarkable testimony of a man who was excommunicated by his church, reaching out 14 years later and being restored.

(Thanks, Molly and Route 5:9 for the great post!)

Here is a snippet to tempt you to read the entire post:

"How many pastors minister long enough to every see an excommunicated member restored in the same tenure? Given that there are so few churches today that practice church discipline, how many fewer ever see the most extreme (and painful) measures come full circle in the restoration and reconciliation of an excommunicated church member? Why was it that the person Steve wanted help and trusted the most was the pastor who 14 years ago would not let his blatant sin go unaddressed?"

(Isn’t it because a true friend loves you enough to tell you the truth? Graciously. But faithfully?)

How many of us love enough to get involved in the messy, time-consuming broken relationships and dying marriages that fill our churches? (For it’s not enough for our ordained leadership to pray, love, counsel, rebuke, and comfort. We are ALL called to intervene. “When one part of the Body suffers, we all suffer ...”)

May God help us!
And by His grace, for His glory, may we be faithful to do the hard work too.

I’m off to make some breakfasts and pack some lunches now—

Sending you my love (and praying for these marriages and our churches too),
Tara B.

PS
Here’s my 30 second quick hit list of resources you may want to consider in order to better equip your church to really minister the gospel to their marriages in biblical and practical ways:

- The Peacemaking Pastor (by A. Poirier)

- How People Change (by Lane & Tripp)

- Mediating the Miserable Christian Marriage (Barthel & Barrie, free audio download)

"Ann" (who posted a comment on June 27) won the free books!

Please, Ann, email me your shipping address by July 10. If I don’t hear from you by then, I’ll pick another name.

Thanks, all!

Yours,
Tara B.