considerable grace

Challies pointed to a great article that I encourage you to check out:

The Joy of the Reformed

It reminded me of a prayer request that one of our church members made during a concert of prayer last year ...

She thanked God for the many blessings we enjoy in our church—Christ-centered preaching, the sacraments, servant headship by our leaders, corporate worship, genuine fellowship. But then she also prayed for all of us, individually, in our families, and in our church, that we would have joy.

Her prayer request has stuck with me and I think about it a lot. Some days I feel like so many of us are right on the tippy-top of a pyramid, balanced in such a way that we COULD tip right on over into JOY. But some of us, instead, just get stuck there; hanging on. Grateful. But not joyful.

The author ends his article this way:

"In the Reformed church we need to do a better job of emphasizing this spiritual joy in our own lives, in our congregations and in our pulpits. We must remind our people that, just like our righteousness, spiritual joy is not something we can create or produce. It is an alien joy. It comes from our communion with God and it is only made possible through the propitiation of Jesus Christ. We must remind God’s people that it is God who sovereignly bestows this gift upon his children. We must tell them that this joy is so powerful that it can be experienced even during our trials (James 1:2) and at all times (Philippians 4:4). We must commit ourselves to proclaiming to God’s people the “benefits of the covenant of grace.” This is exactly what I plan to do in 2010. I plan on emphasizing this Reformed joy in my preaching in 2010. I hope you will consider joining me in reminding God’s people that the joy of the Lord is their strength!"

To that, I say, “AMEN!”

How I pray that we will all REJOICE in our ALIEN JOY in 2010.
Secured for us by Another.
Regardless of circumstances.

(Did you know that irregardless is not a real word? )

Happy, blessed, joyful Wednesday to you all!

Your friend,
Tara B.

PS
Soph is feeling much better. My FaceBook update for today even showed her throwing us a little “Pez Party”:



And I’m doing great re: bleeding (none), but OH! I forgot how painful it is to have metal removed from bone. When pain killers and ice don’t help, you know it’s bad. But all in all, we’re doing well. And thinking about joy!

I debated not sharing this publicly because, well, I am truly embarrassed at what a high-maintenance person I am. Ergh! Some days it really feels like poor Freddy B. really married a bit of a lemon wifey.

But I know that many of you pray for me and for my family—and I would appreciate your prayers because, just like last summer’s RIGHT knee surgery, my after-SIMPLE-surgery-wound-care that SHOULD be “change the bandaids in a couple of days” has morphed into saturating blood in the night.

Poor Fred had to deal with removing everything that was soaked with blood, re-wrap the knee, and then strip our linens and head to our basement laundry room to TRY to get the stains out of my PJs and our sheets. Personally? I think they are ruined, but as the son of a large animal/farm country veterinarian, he thinks they are savable because he’s seen his mother get out a lot worse blood stains.

No immediate e.r. trip in the night. (I was thinking when I felt the drips and had to wake Fred, “Who can I call at 3AM to help us if this thing gushes when we remove all of these soaked clothing and bandages?!”) It’s not that bad and I’m really hoping it will just resolve on its own.

But I’m also finding it just a little hard to believe. Seriously? Apart from the hardware removal, this is usually the kind of surgery that guys have on a Tuesday and they’re back playing football that weekend. (And the hardware removal site ISN’T the site of the bleeding. So what’s up with that? I will just shake my head if this ends up needing a second surgery this week like my right knee needed last summer.)

Anyway — hope this isn’t TMI and isn’t too gross of a post. And really hoping this just resolves on its own. I’m not scared or even worried. I’m not angry or even frustrated. It’s just very strange and mostly, I feel badly that Fred has to do so much and I am so unable to help him with normal life stuff (more or less make any progress on big projects).

There’s grace for the moment, I know.
And hooray that I didn’t ruin our fake down comforter! That would’ve been such a bummer.

Hope you’re all sleeping well and not profusely bleeding—



Your friend,
Tara B.

PS
A little FaceBook UpdateTuesday at noon ...

Hooray! Miss Laura to the rescue to keep the girls so we could go to an early appointment at the surgeon’s. NO MORE BLEEDING. (!!) We’re very hopeful that this was just a strange aberration and not a repeat of last summer’s week of bleeding / second surgery required.

Sophia has coped with this trying week of illness in many different ways.

For the first few days, she mostly slept. But then she worked up to being held and occasionally read to, but her preference was for me to MAKE UP stories (which I am always happy to do). I had a pretty fun and extended one going for a while about the teeny tiny world INSIDE of Lilikoi’s (blue) SQUEAKY DOG TOY and how we could all enter it through a complex procedure involving blue paint, blue hair color, and blue fingernail polish ("but not for Dad").

(Interesting conversations happen with small children when you’re curled around them in the wee hours of the night.)

For the last day and a half, she has shifted how she’s getting through feeling so terrible to something that Fred and I find, well, sweet on some levels and a tiny bit funny / strange on others: she has watched the movie, “Up” over and over (and OVER!) again. On her Ipod.

I’m assuming it’s obvious why this is sweet to us. (If you’re not familiar with this wonderful movie, I encourage you to get to know it. It’s remarkable and delightful.)

But what has made it funny / strange to us is the fact that one of Fred’s brothers is actually good friends with the creator of “Up,” so their families spent (I believe) Christmas Day or Eve or something together. (Fred and I chuckle at that fact because we think it’s kind of cool that this man’s creative genius is blessing our daughter so much WHILE our niece and nephew and brother and sister are hanging with him in real time.)

(BTW – If you have never read the TRUE story about Pixar / “UP” / and a little girl’s dying wish, you might want to click through and check it out.)

We have also chuckled at her watching and re-watching of this movie ON HER IPOD because the screen is, what?, 2 inches by 3 inches in size? I mean, we only have a tiny, old television from like grad school days—but the screen is at least a foot and a half or so, right? And we’ve offered her a portable DVD player (so she could stay prone/in bed.) And both of our laptops. But NO ... the novelty of watching the one movie she owns on her Ipod ON her Ipod is what is so fun to her.

(That, and the fact that our “big” gift to her this year was the world’s BEST INEXPENSIVE Ipod docking station — the sound quality is amazing and we’ve been so glad to have it when she’s so sick because, as she says, “It hurts to lie down on earphones.”)

(Oh! Too funny. She JUST came downstairs and joined me in these early hours and asked if she could, PLEASE, watch “Up” again. She didn’t want to wake up Ella, so we moved her docking station to the living room table where she is sitting upright (hooray!) and sipping water. We’ll see if she can keep it down without more antiemetics today.)



So why did I title this post, “Just Like Grandma K”? Because during one of the showings during our little “Up” marathon, Sophie said to me, "Mr. Fredrickson caring for Russell is just like Grandma K caring for me."

“Grandma K” is a very special woman in our church who has a full and rich life and wonderful family of her own—but who has given of herself simply to love on / help / encourage / invest in / “spiritually mother” / mentor (pick your term) our family. And in particular, Sophia.

Of all of the graces in our year, the advent of Grandma K into our lives has been one of the most precious. I just can’t express to you how much it means to me when a godly woman takes time to simply enjoy and be with my daughter! Miss Laura did this for us this year too and oh! It was just so sweet to us.

It’s really true that we are not meant to be alone. I pray that our family will always be reaching out and serving others, too. “Just like Grandma K.”

Off to pre-op in a little while. We’ll see if I can sneak through with this fever.

Happy Monday to you—

Yours,
Tara B.

Thanks to everyone for the kind notes and especially for the prayers. It was particularly wonderful to be so quickly in touch with so many of you via FaceBook. I just can’t tell you how much it helped me during the long nights to know that people were praying.

We truly thought that Saturday morning we had turned the corner re: Sophia’s sickness. But this afternoon, she quickly got, ummmm, violently and profusely sick. (I’m trying not to be too gross / graphic.) So now we’re back to praying for wisdom as to whether we keep “toughing it out” or try to get her back in to see a doctor tomorrow.

One complication with all of this is that I am supposed to have knee surgery tomorrow morning — but a) I’m very concerned about being away from Soph; and b) I’m still running a fever that hovers around 101 and I can’t imagine that they’ll clear me for the surgery if I still have a fever when they do all of the pre-op stuff.

So here’s praying for a healthy Sophie AND a healthy Tara by tomorrow morning. And sorry that I have no idea when I’ll hit my blogging stride again. (Or my cleaning / writing thank you notes / working on 2010 events / book project / maintaining a home strides either.)

One day at a time, right? One hour. One breath.

We’re trusting that God will give us all that we need for whatever comes our way. (But oh! In Sophie’s extreme sickness this afternoon — as one of us helped her in the tub and the other dealt with the clean up — it sure was hard to be the grown up. I just wish I could help her and protect Ella from all of this too.)

Hope you’re all happy and healthy!

Good night and God bless,
Tara B.

Pastor Anyabwile posted this video and it made me laugh:



(Things I would just never have thought existed in the world ... What is UP with those tape measures??)

Ella has truly enjoyed her first Christmas and we’ve enjoyed her too:



Sophie and I have been prone for most of the day, but there have been a few moments upright and happy:



Lili sends her love too and we all hope that your day has been blessed:



Yours,
Tara B. (et al)

I just had to chuckle as I drove away from our home last night and saw the lights from our pathetic, apparently broken, Christmas tree through the window:



“Perfect,” I thought. “Just perfect. A completely apt representation of this year’s Christmas.”

Sophie and I are apparently hosting some sort of virus, with a relatively high fever for me (hovering around the 102 mark) and days of vomiting for Soph. (Rather than games & treats & family fun, this has pretty much been our view of Sophia for the last few days.)



Things (hopefully) culminated with her having to go on antiemetics and receive I.V. hydration at the doctor’s office on Christmas Eve — all while I tried to comfort her by speaker phone (because we didn’t think it was wise to bring Ella to a clinic and because of my pesky ol' 101.6 fever). Oh, how hard it is to be far away as the Momma as you hear your daughter whimper while trying to be brave as the nurse searches for a vein and says, “Oh, honey, you’re just so dry.” (!!)

But even with its challenges, my overwhelming emotion as I went to bed last night was one of gratitude. Deep, resonant, soul-filling gratitude.

- Yes, I’m a little afraid. But as soon as I started to go down the head-spinning, “What if?!” path of “What if Ella gets this and can’t fight it off and DIES??” I immediately, instead, told myself out loud, “Oh, Tara. Why worry? Does worry add anything to your life? Consider the lilies. You Father knows. There is grace for the day and there will be grace for the day.”

- Sure, it hasn’t been fun to feel so nauseas (weak / cold / hot / shaky), but I bet my friends who are currently fighting cancer would LOVE to have a stomach flu be the worst of their suffering. Ditto on the unpleasantness related to having a sick child. Remember Sophie’s MONTHS of medical crises last year and our two weeks at The Children’s Hospital in Denver?



Dollars to donuts, 99% of the parents in that place would give anything for a flu to be their biggest concern. (Er. Ick. Wish I hadn’t said “donuts.” Talk about QUEASY. My stomach just flopped over. Hey! There’s something else to be grateful for! This will clearly be a less-calorie-filled-holiday for me. )

- Plus, of course it was hard to be away from Soph for those few hours while she suffered at the doctor’s office today. But a) we had access to a clean, stocked, staffed doctor’s facility (how many mothers in the world would give their own LIVES to be able to say that?); and b) Sophie was quickly home and back in my arms. I just can’t stop thinking about how many men and women in the military would give (and, in fact, ARE giving) their very lives to make that possible — all while, time after time, being away from their own sick children. Words fail. They simply fail. I can’t come up with anything that even comes close to communicating my (appreciation? too weak! overwhelming gratitude? doesn’t come close.) love for our military members and their families.

- But mostly? I was overwhelmed as I went to bed (in my flu-riddled, completely disorganized, SO not lovely-for-a-fun-memory-filled-Christmas morning) home by this fact: God the Father sent His Only Son into the world as a helpless babe to live, die, and be raised again for sinners just like me. In fact, for me. He could have left me in my sin. Orphaned. Abandoned. Separated from Home by Adam’s Fall and my own intentional acts. But instead, He gave me Himself. Called me. Softened my heart. Granted me the gifts of repentance and faith. Made me His own and gave me a Home.

Oh, oh oh. Sentimentalism has NOTHING on that. Give me the grit of real life and a Real Savior any day. That’s what I need and that’s what (by God’s grace!), I have.

We’ll see how Christmas Day goes once everyone else starts waking up. Ironically, I had our little gifts wrapped weeks ago and it was super easy to stuff stockings because I had a (nicely organized) box with a post-it on it stating, “For Stockings,” all filled and ready to go weeks ago too. (The irony being, of course, that I seriously doubt Sophie will have the energy to open more than just a couple of presents and I know that neither she nor I will be all that interested in the treats. (I was going to type “yummy treats,” but seriously. Every time I even THINK about food, my stomach just LURCHES. Erlgh.)

Even with all that, I just can’t help but think that this might turn out to be one of my favorite Christmases ever. No major worship-interrupting-piano-clunkers during the church service (even though I felt just about as bad physically as a person can feel and still be sitting upright). Clean water for ice chips once Soph could start keeping down sips of water:



A kind husband. A Golden Retriever who practically climbed up into my lap as once I got home from church and wrapped my six year-old in my arms. Oh, and of course the GIFT of the world’s happiest little baby who simply wants to be held and loved. (And who, one year ago, was making me VERY sick in my first trimester and who I was wondering daily if she would even survive until her second trimester.) Here she is — all plump and wonderful and spilling over with love.

Thank You, God, for not giving me a Folger’s Christmas Commercial life. This is way better and I am —

Gratefully yours,
Tara B.

We’re having one of those awful mornings around here.

Fred and I were quarreling just as he had to leave to lead staff devotions at Peacemakers. Classic.

Sophie is throwing up (and throwing up and throwing up) — so I’m washing barf buckets and doing laundry and trying to keep Ella relatively happy (and FAR away from germy kid land).

So POOF! There goes our mini-Folger's-Christmas-commercial-planned-FUN-FAMILY-AFTERNOON. ("Fred will come home early. We’ll play games and make cookies and bake our favorite Calzones and have a super fun, lovey-dovey family day.")

Yeah, right. I’ll be shocked if Fred and I can just stop fighting and Sophie can just stop throwing up.

As I wait for the day to unfold, however, I did think of something that might cheer me up! Giving things away.

I’ve been meaning to put a post up for a few days now to ask if any of you might know a family in need who would benefit from a (used, but in great condition) Medela “Pump in Style” breastpump.

I looked on ebay and since it was over $300 new, I could try to sell it for a tiny bit of cash — but we’d much rather give it away if it would bless someone.

From what I’ve read, I think they’d have to spend just a few dollars to get new tubing (because the rest can be sanitized, but the tubing can’t). And of course, by giving it to a second owner, the warranty would be voided, so it would be just an “as is” gift. But it’s really in great condition and I have all of the paperwork, etc. (Of course I do. )

So if you know someone in need, please drop me a line and let me know the details. Oh, and if they could possibly help with the shipping cost, that’d be grand, but if not, no problem. I’m trusting we can swing it if we need to.

Also — as Ella outgrows her baby things, I’m trying to keep only a tiny amount of “precious memory” items. The rest, I REALLY would like to get to someone in need. The “not in perfect condition” stuff, I’m just donating. But for the super cute practically brand-new stuff, I have feelers out in my church and through our local crisis pregnancy center, looking for someone to serve.

Maybe you know someone? If so, please do let me know. Ella’s currently popping out of 6-month-old sized things now, and I have given some things away already, but I’m looking for people with whom to share as Ella continues to grow. This would include not only just clothes, but baby gear too.

Ooooh! I just remembered that I have a HUGE STACK OF PREGNANCY / NEWBORN BABY / NAMING THE BABY / BREASTFEEDING / BABY GEAR / ETC. BOOKS that might bless someone.

I will never forget the generosity of two friends in particular who literally clothed and outfitted Sophia when she was born. They were done having children and they just lavished, lavished, lavished hand-me-downs upon us: changing table, monitors, toys, blankies, books, and CLOTHES. I truly don’t know how we would have gotten by without them.

And until now? Going through the same thing? (Being done with the baby season of life. Actually GIVING AWAY FOREVER the clothes and toys and precious, PRECIOUS items related to such a miraculous (and difficult! and terrifying! and wonderful beyond compare!) season of my life as a woman.) Well, I had no idea how hard it must have been for them AND how good it must have been too.

Different seasons. For our family? The newborn season has come to a close. (Even if we are able to adopt one day, maybe even our own little Felicity, we doubt it will be at a newborn age.)

And so ... we truly hope we can find some children and families to serve and bless. Just as we have been served and blessed.

See. I feel better already. But now I have to run to switch out to a clean bucket for my little (pathetic) love-bug. Poor thing.

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Borrowed “Jungle Jam and Friends” AUDIOCASETTES really, really help when your six year old feels this awful. ("You have to FLIP THE TAPE OVER, dear ....")

PPS
At least we’re not supposed to be loading three tiny kids into the car for a 13+ hour drive to the Midwest in the snowstorm today (like two of our friends' families are doing). Yeesh. I really have no excuse for not having a happy attitude, don’t you think?

HT: Challies for this great video embed:



(Oh, how I pray I’m not the appendix. )

Fred and I have been quite stumped lately with a parenting issue related to Sophia. I won’t go into the details with you right now, but suffice it to say, we have all been extremely frustrated and tempted to despair.

(BTW—If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, or you happen to know him in real life, then you know that it is VERY hard to frustrate Fred this much. In general, he’s just way too even-tempered. But yes, he’s been THAT upset.)

As I’ve wrestled with the entire situation (in my thoughts, in prayer, in conversations with Fred), a whole bunch of “good theology” keeps coming quickly to my mind. (By “good theology” I mean theology that is God-centered, biblically-faithful, and proclaiming of the gospel in such a way that we are drawn to worship Jesus and be more conformed into His image.)

- I know that outward behavior, words, and even attitudes are just an overflow of the heart.

- Matters of the heart are always matters of worship.

- My brain is FULL of boatloads of Scripture passages, sermon illustrations, and teachings on idols of the heart, wrong worship, right worship, etc.

But still. We are STUCK.

I’d laugh at just how obvious our problem is (“head knowledge / confessional theology does not automatically translate into application / practical theology — in fact, it RARELY does without a battle") … except that this is really, really, REALLY hard for our family.

We are all struggling. We feel trapped. There is no easy way out. We are tempted to run away (physically / emotionally). We don’t feel like working hard and engaging in the battle. “Smoothing it over” (peace-FAKING!) sounds like such a nicer way to go, at least temporarily.

But then … but then …

Grace breaks through and oh! I am so grateful. For me, it has come slowly, over the last few days, as I have remembered a series of temptations and situations from my own life:

- One time I was caught in behaviors that were hurting and frustrating to others. (Sound familiar?) A couple of well-meaning, godly people “buckled down” to “help me to change.” I really appreciated their help on one level, but it sure felt one-sided (because it was). They were on the pedestal and I was clearly in the pit. Sure, it helped. But mostly? I just felt judged and condemned.

- Another time I blew it. Again. And I reached out to a real spiritual father to me. In the past, he had been gracious, but direct and helpful to me in his counsel. This time? All he said was something to the effect of, “Well, Tara, you keep having this problem. You sure need to change.” I just can’t express to you how hopeless and unloved I felt in that moment. I knew I had to change! I hated the way I was! But I just didn’t know HOW to change. And boy did it feel like there would never (never!) be a place for me in the world.

- Life went on and, again, I was struggling with sin and unbelief. This time, a group of women came alongside of me and said, “We are just like you. We struggle. Sometimes we fail. And sometimes we remember how great and glorious God is and we DON’T give in to temptation. Let’s walk this path of life together. You are not alone. Jesus loves you. We love you. God gives us everything we need for life and godliness through His Son. You’re going to be OK, Tara.”

- Another season, another temptation. This time, I reached out to my pastor. “How can I even be a Christian?!” I cried out in my despair. And oh! How he comforted me by reminding me Who God is and who I am in Christ (already!) and who I am becoming in Christ (by GOD’S good work of sanctification). He did not make light of my temptation or my sin. But he also did not drown me with the weight of law / mere behavioral change / holding back of relationship UNTIL I got my act together.

All of these examples (and more!) kept rushing through my mind as I prayed and thought through our current parenting struggles. How was I merely “buckling down” in helping Sophie to change? How was I forgetting to encourage her that I love her and I would HELP HER to change? What would it look like for me to walk alongside of her in this journey of life—yes, leading her as her mother. But also befriending her as a sister in Christ?

And oh! Just how quick was I to run to the LAW as I interacted with her? To deal with all of the things that have to CHANGE rather than dwelling on the GOSPEL — all of the things that Jesus HAS ALREADY CHANGED because of His incarnation, perfect life, substitutionary death, and glorious resurrection?

This is my prayer today: That I will bring the gospel to my eldest daughter in real and tangible ways. I am begging God for grace, faith, and obedience FOR ME so that I will remember Him and “live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

May God help me. Especially since I slept only off and on since late last night and not at all since 3AM. Exhaustion does not tend to bring out much godliness in me.

Only by His grace!

Your friend,
Tara B.

We’re battling some illnesses around here and for our family, that means sleepless nights as we try to comfort, keep fevers down, etc. etc.

I finally took both girls out of our room a little before 4AM so that Fred could (hopefully) get some sleep. The three of us snuggled in Sophie’s bed, talking, blowing noses, reading a little Little House, and then (thankfully) both girls drifted back to sleep again just before 6AM.

No way I was getting back to sleep — so I thought I’d try to be productive in the quiet hours of the morning. Hah. Instead, I totally lost myself clicking through to page after page of Awkward Family Photos.com.

If you decide to click through and have a gander, please use your own discretion/caution. I didn’t see any terribly inappropriate ads, but some of the photos were, well, cringe-inducing to be sure. But I seriously laughed until tears were streaming down my face.

Just like CakeWrecks, it’s the commentary that really makes the site work. 90% are hilarious. Some I don’t get. But here are two that still make me laugh:

"Susan would have had no idea there was any tension if it wasn’t for the burning sensation on either side of her head."

"It’s not easy to upstage the tree."

Thanks to the great people over at Peacemaker Ministries for posting a link to this CCEF article by Tim Lane:

Family Feuds: How to Respond

The whole article is worth your read, but here is my favorite paragraph:

"Often when we have a bad experience (like growing up in an abusive family), we let that experience define us and become our identity. But when you come to Jesus in faith he gives you his life and a whole new identity as a child of God. Of course you are still shaped by your experience, but you are not defined by it. Your identity is no longer determined by your family of origin, but by who you are in Christ. As you depend on God for your identity, he will make it possible for you to change the way you relate to your family."

Amen!

(And thanks, Dr. Lane, CCEF, and Peacemakers too.)

This morning, I specifically asked Fred to make statements of TRUTH to me to help remind me of what I really DO believe (even when my emotions are to the contrary).

Encouragement? Faith’s Fight Against Sin? Battling Unbelief? All things that are not meant to be experienced alone. (We really cannot encourage ourselves.)

In that vein, here is something to encourage you, my dear blog friends ... yet another wonderful RZIM Slice by Jill Carattini:

Christmas Is Coming

Consider just an excerpt:

"According to Shern, we are instead stressed at the approach of Christmas because of finances, because of family, because of the absence of family, because of over indulgence, because we have too much to do, or because we have too little to do and feel the pointed edges of loneliness. For so many of us, the thought that Christmas is coming is indeed one that invokes fear, trembling, and attention, though perhaps for all the wrong reasons ...

Ironically, the season of Advent has been compared to living in a prison, though far from the prison-scenario many of us envision this time of year. Advent envisions enslavement, but not in the lists of things that need to be done or the emotional waves of the season. It is a far more real type of confinement; the enslavement of self, the imprisonment of sin. Advent envisions us waiting for the one who breaks in and sets us free. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who knew well the cold walls of a prison cell, writes this of our confinement:

“Christ is breaking open his way to you. He wants to again soften your heart, which has become hard. In these weeks of Advent while we are waiting for Christmas, he calls to us that he is coming and that he will rescue us from the prison of our existence, from fear, guilt, and loneliness. Do you want to be redeemed? This is the one great question Advent puts before us.... But let us make no mistake about it. Redemption is drawing near.”

Amen and amen.
Maranatha, Lord Jesus.
Soften our hearts and come into them we pray.
Amen.

It was another fun day celebrating Sophia’s sixth birthday. It started with a wonderful Happy Birthday Cookie Bouquet from Grandma Kathy, Grandpa Charlie, Auntie Kali & Uncle Fred AND a package from Grandma Chris with a Fancy Nancy Nightgown AND adorable Christmas dresses for Sophie and Ella AND the “Sultan’s OWN” Turkish Delight. (Thankfully, the Turkish Delight did NOT have a magical hold on Soph like poor ol' Edmund.)





Soph even received a super fun set of Cake Decorating Books from Uncle John & Aunt Penny. (But now I have to help her to understand that just OWNING A BOOK will NOT make me able to decorate a cake like that by next year. )



Then we were onto our “Happy 6th Birthday Christmas Pajama Party” fun. I have to say, it was absolutely adorable to see eight little girls all dressed in matchies pajamas:





The girls were very sweet and we pretty much just hung out together and played. But we DID have a little manicure time (alternating red & green were the colors of choice for most girls) and an (optional) pillow fight too:





We ended with “Charlie Brown’s Christmas” & popcorn & kettle corn. (Lili LOVED helping to clean up.) All in all, it was a blessed time with little girls whom I can honestly tell you I truly love and pray for regularly. They are just so precious to our family.

Hope your day was a fun one, too!

Signing off and wishing you all the best,
Tara B.

Another great read over at RadicalWomanhood as to “why church membership is vital for countering the hypocrisy that tempts us all”:

Relating to Church

In it, she relates one anecdote that reminded me of one of the many reasons why I was (and am) so attracted to my husband, Fred, when we first met. I remember discussing church membership with Fred and why it is so important and he said something to the effect of:

"If a man refuses to submit to his church leaders; if he doesn’t eagerly seek to put himself under godly authority; he will never be able to lead."

Carolyn McCulley would agree, I am sure. Here is the story she retells:

"A friend once told me that when she and her husband were married, her husband said to her, “I want you to know something. If you ever feel like I’m not listening you, that I’m not taking your counsel, or that my leadership is not servant leadership, but running roughshod over you, I want you to know that you not only have my blessing, but you have my urging to go right around me to our pastor. Because I want to care for you, and I want to love you like Christ, and if I’m not doing that, the other men around me need to know that.” I thought that was brilliant."

Me too.

Oh! That we will all learn to wisely and appropriately submit to (and wield) God-ordained authority acting within God-ordained boundaries — and appreciate it too. Leadership (headship, cover, shepherding, even the common grace protection of civil authority) is a gift of God.

I’m grateful for my leaders. I pray regularly for them. And I tremble and pray as I consider the responsibility that is on me as a leader to my two little girls. May God have mercy on me and help me to model selfless, servant leadership.

Grace to you, my friends!

Yours,
Tara B.

We enjoyed a fun day celebrating Sophie’s sixth birthday yesterday. It had to start very early because Fred had an all-day meeting at Peacemakers, but we were able to enjoy some gift-opening and birthday donut-eating before he left in the morning:





We were then very blessed to have a friend come over for much of the day. I must’ve made an error with our GAK recipe because it was so-so, but not as fun as it’s been in the past:



But we still had a nice time with cake baking and decorating and some fun crafts:



(Sophie was SO kind to not even mind when I ran out of blue writing icing and had to switch to light blue. Nice kid.)

BTW — just in case you’re ever curious ... it IS possible to make three dozen cookies for a funeral while holding a baby IF you have a Maya Wrap.



(I love my Maya Wrap!)

Probably my favorite part of the day was Sophie making Ella laugh hysterically AGAIN. It’s pretty much a daily occurrence now, but this video even trumps the previous one:



Although Sophie’s fascination with the stunning Robert Sabuda “Chrnoicles of Narnia Pop Up Book” (such ART!) might tie for my favorite part of the day:



(I just wish I could capture how beautiful Sabuda’s books are.)

I’ll close with my most GRATEFUL moment of the day ...

It came when I went to call Lilikoi in from our backyard and she didn’t come immediately (which is entirely unlike her). It was dark, so I called her again. Still no Lili.

Then I saw that our GATE WAS OPEN. Apparently, a substitute UPS driver left it open when he or she dropped off a package. And Lili was gone.

My heart stopped beating as I handed Ella to Sophie and started running down the (snow covered) drive way in my stocking feet. (We live near a very busy street.) I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing our second Golden during Sophie’s birthday week like we had lost our dear Choza.

Thankfully, she came right away and was fine — but it was quite a moment. My chest was still a little tight later that evening as Sophie played with her new “Honey” Golden Retriever toy:



Today is a day to clean clean clean so that, hopefully, seven little girls won’t leave our home tomorrow afternoon just coated in dog hair. I can’t imagine their parents would care for that very much.

Happy Friday to you! Hooray for Friday —

Yours,
Tara B.

ByFaith just ran a classic Paul Tripp article that I encourage you to read (or re-read if you’re already familiar):

Created for Community

In it, the author not only explains the isolation and lack of genuine friendship that mark the lives of most Americans, he also provides a Christ-centered and helpful solution.

Consider just an excerpt:

"True community also requires intentionality. There are decisions that you will have to make, there are habits you will have to break, and there are choices you will have to make to live in productive Christian community. Along with these, true community requires sacrifice. I will never enjoy the productive community that the body of Christ was designed to be without making specific and concrete sacrifices of time, energy, schedule, leisure, privacy, etc. And true community with others requires patience. I never get to be in community with perfect people. So community is messy and unpredictable. Yet, God uses this messiness to promote His grace in our lives.

What does all of this mean? It means that community requires Christ ..."

Hope you enjoy!
(Not only the article, but also some genuine community today.)

Your birthday-cake-baking-playdate-hosting-for-a-brand-new-six-year-old-friend,
Tara B.

I know by the numbers in my little weekly blog statistics report that the majority of you 1,100+ weekly readers have not yet friended me on FaceBook, so most of you missed my lil' ol' (EMBARRASSING!) fb update from yesterday morning:

"Was going SO slowly. Was trying to be SO careful. Watched my mirrors. Inched by inched and STILL hit our HOUSE with Fred’s TRUCK this morning. Just a tiny bit and Fred was nothing but gracious but STILL, I’m kicking myself and dreadfully looking forward to a “how to back the truck out of our tiny space” driving lesson. Poor Fred."

(Can you believe it? Oh, Tara. Hitting the HOUSE? Really?)

Anyway ... I received some very kind and encouraging comments in reply and I wanted to be sure to share one with you in particular. It was written by dear KLV and including a link that had come to her via our beloved BrittleCrazyGlass. (Aren’t there just some times when you love the internet?)

Responding in Faith to Mistakes (by Michael K.)

It’s definitely worth the read and it was very encouraging to me when I was tempted to cringe AGAIN this morning just THINKING about yesterday. Consider just a few of the points he made and then click on through to read the rest:

1. When you make a mistake, you make an error in judgment or a moment of forgetfulness. The gospel reminds you that your self-worth is not tied to your ability to perform perfectly.

(Editor’s comment: I never need reminding of THAT, do I? )

2. When you make a mistake, you are tempted to hide, blame, or ignore. The gospel gives you the confidence you need to own up to it and accept responsibility.

(Editor’s comment: So would “hiding” be my (adrenaline-fueled) initial temptation to try to WIPE the brown paint OFF of the truck BEFORE I went inside to confess to Fred? Macbeth’s wife has nothing on me ...)

6. When you make a mistake, you look for ways to redeem yourself in the eyes of your bosses and peers. The gospel reminds you that you have nothing to prove to anyone since Christ has proven Himself on your behalf.

(Editor’s comment: Oh yes. The backstage view is not pretty, is it? I’m actually far worse than you could ever, ever know.)

7. When you make a mistake, you become afraid. Afraid of what people think, afraid of doing something wrong, afraid of the consequences. The gospel drives out fear with perfect love.

(How grateful I am for God’s gracious love as manifested in my husband’s gracious love. He could have been so angry with me—and maybe he was, but if so, he sure hid it well because in the moment and all day long and as he tucked me in to bed, he was only, ever perfectly kind and loving to me about it all. Driving out my fear.)

Here’s to hopin' you didn’t run into any houses yesterday.
(And if you did, the people around you—and you yourself!—could give you grace.)

Blessed Thursday to you,
Tara B.

Because we’re thinking about (possibly) doing a Science Fair project this spring, Sophie and I have been having a blast talking about the scientific method as we go about our daily tasks.

For example, we read in our advent devotional (Jotham’s Journey — a book we’re enjoying, BTW, but also one that we’ve had to a) do a little verbal editing of because it’s a bit too intense at times for little children; and b) do a little SHARPIE editing of because just a couple of the sentences have reflected, well, some important theological terms that aren’t quite in line with our convictions / understanding of Scripture) ...

We read how Jotham had fun floating in SALT water and before you knew it, Sophie had an idea for a science experiment:

"Mom! It would be great. My question would be something like, “Does salt in water make it easier for things to float?”

We could read some books and Google it and talk to people who know and THEN I would take the position in my hypothetical that salt in water does NOT make it easier for things to float.

For experiments, we could have different things and put them in water with NO salt and then water WITH salt and we could measure how far down they go in the water. And those experiments we could do again and again to check.

What do you think?"

I think that science is COOL and FUN when you get to re-learn things with a curious almost six year old (five-years-and-364-days to be exact).

And I really enjoy helping her learn the scientific method as ONE grid for processing life. But I enjoy even more helping her to understand that while it is important, it is not the ONLY way we know things.

For example ... another time this week, she came up with this idea:

"Mom! Mom! I have the PERFECT Science Fair project. My question would be, "How did God exist before anything else?"

What a great question! And what a great opportunity for a nice little age appropriate conversation about epistemology (how we know things), the limits of the scientific method (we can’t recreate the environs necessary to ask that question; we can’t go back in time to when there was nothing, therefore, we can’t scientifically test any hypothesis exactly tied to that question), AND how other ways of answering questions are still important and trustworthy.

The example I used to help her to (begin to) understand this was the question:

"Does Momma love Sophie?"

Is this an important question? Yes! Can we answer it with the scientific method? No. Does that mean we can’t discuss it logically, observe evidence, and come to a conclusion? Of course not. That’s exactly what we do with these sorts of questions.

Totally makes me want to grab my pres. scholar and Sunday School notes from Paul Jensen and fire up my philosophy of theology brain cells again. I think I’m going to be using them in the raising of our little love muffin.

Blessings on your day, friends!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
We’re currently batting around “Can airplanes fly?” as a possible question to be answered because Soph’s been on so many planes and every time, as she looks at the wings and engines, we end up having some sort of conversation about lift, thrust, air flow, etc. as I try to remember something about how planes fly. So if you have any good recommendations for EXPERIMENTS related to how planes fly, please email them to me.

I haven’t laughed and CRINGED this much since the last really, really good CakeWrecks post ...

Want to laugh? Want to cringe? Check out this (stunning. funny. awful.) Tim Challies post:

Rich Daddy God

And if you do, just like you never want to skip the commentary on a good CakeWrecks post ... DON’T skip the COMMENTS on this post.

Oh my STARS but some of Tim’s readers hit it out the park:

- Monica: “Just throw in a Snuggie and it’s the Best.white.elephant.gift.EVER!”

- Joshua French: “Tim, thanks for this post. The overarching redemptive plan of Scripture has now come into clear focus as a result of this board game.”

- Barry Wallace: “Dear Jesus Christ I repent to you, I admit that I was lied to my lover and sold my friends just care about myself. In Jesus’ name I repent Amen. Back 3 steps.” I mean, who wouldn’t say amen to that?"

You really have to see the photos and read the entire post to understand JUST how awful yet laugh-inducing these two games are.

Tim’s one line ("This must be the face he made while Paul circumcised him.") is worth reading Challies.com every single day.

Avoiding my growing pile of actionable emails—
But having lots of fun with a rolling over Ella and a song-creating-Sophie!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Until THIS MORNING, Ella still refused to roll over in front of Fred. Three times yesterday for me and then NOTHIN' for Fred when he got home. Just a big smile, lying on her back, looking up. Nothin'. Then twice more on the bathroom floor while I bathed Sophie. Fred comes upstairs? NOTHIN'. Finally ... finally ... Fred actually saw her roll over this morning. Hooray and hooray. Now her REAL consumption of Golden Retriever hair will begin. (No matter how much you vacuum, no matter how much you try ... right, Golden Mamas? Please tell me that you know what I mean. )

Margaret Manning wrote a rich essay for today’s RZIM Slice of Infinity and I encourage you to click through and read the entire article:Tidings of Comfort and Joy.

Let me tempt you with just an excerpt:

"We all seek joy in this season, but perhaps we look in the wrong places and in the wrong ways: “This is no jingle-bells joy brought with a swipe of a credit card,” Arnold continues. “The seeds of this joy have been planted in sadness and watered with tears. This is the honest joy that often comes only after weeping has tarried the night.” Tidings of comfort and joy come to us in a person, a person who sowed both tears of joy and sadness himself. Jesus brings joy from tears and fills hearts with gladness at his coming. Weeping may last through the night, but joy indeed comes in the morning."

Her comments remind me of a lesson Fred taught Sophia in our Advent devotional last night (and then Sophia brought up again to me as we were cuddling, reading, and talking after bath-time).

Fred had her run and get our church’s bulletin from last Sunday so that they could re-read the Prayer of Confession together. He wanted to show her how “even the grown-ups” have to pray for a contrite heart (a heart that is really sorry) because our tendency is to NOT be sorry for our sin. (This is something Sophie’s been struggling with a bit as she makes confessions. A part of her wants to confess. But a part of her isn’t really sorry. She feels the tug and it’s quite a struggle, let me tell you.)

As she and I discussed this topic later on, she said something like this:

"God has taught us to pray and ask for a heart that is really sorry because we can’t just WALK INTO A STORE AND BUY A CONTRITE HEART."

Absolutement, dear Sophie. Absolutement.

(But oh! I did enjoy the visual, even just for a moment. Wouldn’t it be GRAND if we could just put “contrite heart” on our shopping list, pop into Costco, grab a value-sized-pack and move on with our day? Mmmmmmm ... some days in particular, that sounds really nice to me.)

Joy cometh in the morning, friends!
(But it’s never bought with a credit card ...)

Yours,
Tara B.

My post from yesterday about The Peacemaking Pastor being offered on Amazon for only $6.40 (!!) reminded me of an article I read by Andree Seu in last month’s World Magazine:

Message from Morocco: Relationship-Building is the Task Overarching the To-Do List

In it, she talks about receiving a call from a woman who is concerned about another woman who has three kids under six and is pregnant and is “exhibiting behavior reminiscent of the woman who drove her children into a lake some years ago.”

The caller asked Andree for the pastor’s phone number because, well, “Evidently the pastor must be called into this because, well, everybody else is busy (with church programs presumably).”

She then goes on to make what I think is a spot-on analysis of Body life, church leadership, one-anothering, living the gospel (call it what you will):

"I have a high regard for pastors but I don’t think this is going to work, mathmatically speaking. Too many Lauries, too few pastors."

It’s SO true!

Even following a church model wherein all of the ordained church leaders (in our Presbyterian church we call them elders and deacons, but insert whatever term your polity uses) are PAID (full-time) staff members, the math just can’t work. A small band of church leaders simply can’t be aware of and carefully, thoughtfully, prayerfully minister to the needs of the ENTIRE Body ALL the time.

How much more so when our church leaders are NOT paid, full-time staff whose ONLY job it is to watch out over their flock? (This is the case in our church and in most churches.) Yes, we have two teaching elders and one ruling elder who are paid staff. The rest of our elders and deacons work FULL-TIME in other jobs that earn money to provide for their families. Oh, yes, these leaders have FAMILIES too. So they work hard to keep bread on the table AND serve and lead their wives and children AND their extended family members AND their neighbors and our community WHILE keeping watch over us, their sheep. (Some of us—let’s say her name rhymes with “LARA”—being more high maintenance sheep than others.)

They pray for us daily. Weekly. Monthly. All the time.

They stay late after church services — just in case there is a need. They don’t watch the clock. They listen and pray and comfort and help.

They come to our homes. They pray over our children and help us to discipline and encourage them.

They meet us out for, let’s call it a meal, but really? It’s a “Please help! Our marriage is in trouble!” meeting.

They leave their families and workplaces to spend hours in session and diaconate meetings — scheduled and emergency unscheduled.

They wait with us in the hospital and visit us on our deathbed. They help our families to grieve and our church family to grieve corporately — all while they themselves are grieving too.

Yes, imperfectly. Of course.

But faithfully. Intentionally. Keenly aware of their duties as shepherds of the sheep.

Oh, how we are called to honor, pray for, love, and encourage them! To listen to their counsel. To not think of them as Spiritual-ATM’s (only there to dispense things TO us), but to remember that they are human. Children of God themselves.

AND? We are called to GROW UP, GET INVOLVED, and HELP THEM. To set aside baby milk and dig into the meat of real Christian living — disciplines of grace, private and corporate worship and prayer, and yes, SERVICE.

The math is clear — there are just “too many Lauries and too few pastors.” We are the Body. We must BE the Body. Ministered-TO and ministering-OUT. Imperfectly, but with great confidence and great HOPE because we have the Holy Spirit, the Word, the Word Made Flesh, the Bride, the Preaching of the Word, the Sacraments — all because our Heavenly, Triune Father is such a good and sovereign God. Transcendent and yet immanent. Above all, over all — and yet with us.

As we trust in His love, we CAN learn how to love one another. We can grow in our ability to minister to one another in the “daily” challenges of life in a fallen world so that, yes, of course, when there are times that REQUIRE special attention (2AM calls to the pastor, assistance from other professionals, even—sadly, but sometimes necessarily—the wise wielding of civil authorities per Romans 13), we haven’t exhausted our shepherds with every teeny tiny need along the way.

How do we grow? How are we equipped to serve?

- Regular attendance at and active participation in weekly corporate church services where the Word is preached by our ordained leaders, we worship and pray corporately, and we joyfully receive God’s sacraments

- Mentoring. Spiritual mothering. Men’s triads. Discipleship. Accountability.

- Bible study. Book study. Group discussions. “Friend Groups.”

- Peacemaking Teams (or really ANY resources from Peacemaker Ministries). How People Change (or really ANY resources from The Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation).

I could go on and on (you know I could! ol' verbal Tara is only ramping up on this topic, eh? ) ...

But instead, let me just close by saying this: We are the Body. The Body of Christ.
Oh, that we would all grow up into Him Who is our Head!

"And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love." Ephesians 4:11-16 (emphasis added)

Blessings on your day, dear friends —

Sending my love,
Tara B.

I have no idea why it is priced so low—but I just saw that my pastor’s (AMAZING!) book, The Peacemaking Pastor is currently being offered on Amazon for only $6.40 (!!).

Oh, friends, if you have even a passing interest in biblical peacemaking / gospel relationships / unity / the Church and you haven’t yet read this book, PLEASE pop on over and buy it today.

It goes SO far beyond “resolving church conflict.” And although I truly believe it’s a MUST READ for all ordained church leaders (it’s that good), it is also for all of US, plain-joe-and-jane church MEMBERS.

Anyway, I couldn’t believe it when I saw the price and I just had to tell you about it. If only cashflow so allowed, I’d buy a ton of copies myself so that I could sell them cheaper at my events in 2010.

Oh, and the title of this post is a paraphrase of something Pastor Alfred says at the very beginning of the book. I know it’s on page 18 (because I read it at a lot of my events) and that it follows a paragraph something along the lines of:

"I did not plan to be a heretic ... but I woke one day to see in the mirror a pastor with a tired face and a weary soul. I had entered the pastorate eager to practice the “care of souls.” But I woke that day frightened to find that I did not care anymore. I was tired of the conflicts, the sin, the gossip, the divisions. You know what it looks like ..."

If I had more time, I’d go pull my copy and get you the exact wording, but Ella woke up and is (LOUDLY!) needing me, so I have to run.

Hope this is a blessing to you!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
In the interest of full disclosure, I want to remind you that if you ever click through this blog and buy something from Amazon, I get a little bit of cash.

We sure had an exciting day around here on Saturday!

It started with a special gift for Sophie (a little cross necklace) to celebrate the day of her first concert with the Billings Youth Orchestra. We had her go around to all of the Uncle TJ paintings and find the letters he signs under his name (“SDG”).





Then we explained what Soli Deo Gloria means and there was a composer who signed all of his music that way, too. (Which she already knew was Bach—much to our delight and surprise.) And then we prayed that she would always serve God and neighbor with her music and play “SDG.”

Then we took some time to pack up PJs for her “6th Birthday Christmas Pajamas Party” next week and Fred and Sophie went around town to friends’ homes for a little PAJAMAGRAM delivery adventure.



In the afternoon, Sophie TOTALLY cracked Ella up with hysterical giggles. Twenty second video here:



Finally, it was off to the Alberta Bair Theater for her very first Billings Youth Orchestra Preludios Concert.

Here she is backstage getting ready (with her all-time favorite stand partner, Miss Sunny):



And here she is serving through music SDG:



If you’d like to chuckle, here is a very short video of the funny beginning they did for Verdi’s Anvil Chorus—where Sophie got to “tune” the anvil:



(The anvil “soloist” is Sophie’s beloved violin teacher, Miss Laura.)

Of course, we had to celebrate the night with an ICE CREAM treat and comics at DQ.



Thanking God for a wonderful day—

Hope yours was full of joy too!

Yours,
Fred, Tara, Sophia & Eleanor

It’s 5AM and I’m avoiding the complete, 100%, bad as it’s ever been, CHAOS of my office. (MUST clean it one of these days. It’s giving me the heebeejeebies.) AND I’m avoiding the mounting pile of “must respond to them one of these days” emails that also are starting to freak me out a little. (It’s really not like me to fail to respond to emails for MONTHS. Yeeps.)

So here is a little hodge-podge of topics for (hopefully) your reading pleasure (and to help me avoid work for a few more minutes).

(Oh. That reminds me ... I’m accompanying our church’s choir again this year for the Christmas Eve service and I thought it might be helpful to make YouTube videos of me plucking out on the piano all of the parts for the tenors and basses, just in case they wanted to practice during the week. Seemed like a nice idea, until I had to TURN PAGES while holding a BABY and a VIDEOCAMERA and PLAYING the notes. I had it pretty well balanced until the page turns. Anyway ... When I called to ask our choir director’s permission for this little project, I explained that it would help me to avoid my real duties for a an hour or so. To which she replied, "Tara. You have a strange way of avoiding work." )

OK. Here is my random gathering of topics:

- Our church (including our little family trying too!) is doing more and more each year to help the men, women, and children affected by unplanned pregnancy in our community. Today, following a link from the woman formerly known as TULIPGirl in Refomed BlogLand (Hi Alexandra!), I learned about this organization:

Feminists for Life

I must be incredibly behind the times, but I didn’t even know this organization existed. Did you?

If you’re working in this area of ministry, or supporting people and organizations that do, I encourage you to check it out. Might not jive 100% with all of your convictions, but it sure seems to have some great (thoughtful, informed, documented, well-researched, professionally presented) resources.

- I hope she doesn’t mind, but I’m grabbing a tiny EXCERPT from KLV’s quote on fb and sharing it here because MAN! She is spot-on for any age, but particularly for someone only in her twenties. In response to someone’s post about “trying to figure out her life”, KLV replied: “After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live ... make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life ... make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live. Ecclesiastes 5:18-ish”

I think her words were particularly striking to me this morning because I am mindful of so many friends who DON’T have employment right now (or who are working multiple jobs in that “under-employed” way) just to barely squeak by financially. And yet, so many of us can have such a grouchy, grousy, ungrateful attitude toward our work even though (at least for this month!) we don’t have to be afraid of where cash is going to come from for the next rent or mortgage payment (or grocery trip or gas for the car).

Work is good. Work is a blessing. KLV is right (as is her mother who is one of the happiest and hardest workers I have ever met in my life, and whose words and attitude I see reflected in this, her eldest daughter’s quote). 1 Thess 4:11, “aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands ...”

- I don’t know WHY I cringed even a little when I began to listen to this recording on the TrueWoman website: Should She Be A Doctor? Continuing to this very date, I have never read or heard anything from Carolyn McCulley that I don’t agree with (even on this VERY sensitive, important, and conflict-prone topic). If you are a young woman or are thinking about marrying a woman one day; if you are raising girls or if you KNOW any girls in your church ... please listen. (And if you’re not familiar with Carolyn McCulley’s blog and books, get to know those too!)

Soph just came downstairs in her Christmas PJ’s and hair curlers (big night tonight! her first orchestra concert), so I must scoot.

Blessings on your day!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Just in case you don’t believe JUST how awful my office is. ("Not Tara! She loves FILE FOLDERS! She’s all about ORDER.") Ummmmmm. Well. Yes, I am. Deep down, it’s true that my preference is a place for everything and everything in its place.

But let’s all just have a lil' gander at what real life looks like when you RUN downstairs to (pack an order / wrap a present / find a tax form) with just enough time to RUN back upstairs before, you know, some teeny tiny little creatures needs more than one arm of her mother:



(Shiver!) Today surely MUST be the day that I tackle this beast. “Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ‘til tomorrow” and “babies don’t keep”, sure. But this is getting pretty ridiculous! Plus, Fred’s home to help with the ol’ “rocking and keeping” of the baby.

(Oh, and these photos are the “very odd” part of my “Odds N Ends (Some Very Odd)” title for this post.)

Sophie and I had a great conversation tonight about what it means to make an accusation, give false testimony, and render a verdict. It sprang out of our Bible reading of the night Jesus was betrayed and then all of the (bribed) false witnesses began to appear before the judges with their contradictory and inaccurate testimonies.

To help her to understand WHY lying so often contradicts itself, I laid out the basic pieces of a criminal court situation (prosecutor, accused, defender/advocate, judge, jury, evidence/witnesses) and then we came up with all sorts of interesting hypotheticals:

"Judge, Judge! Last Monday morning, Jesus was at my home and he STOLE my money." (Witness #1 leaves the presence of the judge and Witness #2 arrives, having not heard what Witness #1 said.)

“Judge, Judge! I know for a FACT that last Monday morning, Jesus beat up and even KILLED a man. Right there in front of my very own eyes.” (Witness #2 leaves, Witness #3 arrives.)

“Judge, Judge! Let me tell you the horrible thing Jesus did last Monday morning ...”

The stories make no sense. They can’t logically be possible. Jesus couldn’t have been in one man’s home AND across town in another man’s home AND in a neighboring village all at the exact same time. But oh! Bribing witnesses doesn’t make them very smart, does it? Rare is the conspiracy that can be maintained for very long. Ever.

(Which is just another great example of the truth of the Resurrection, isn’t it? For one thing, the Romans and the Rules of the Law would have DEFINITELY wanted to PROVE that Jesus didn’t really rise from the dead if they could have. Man Oh Man! But they would’ve found that body and put it on display. If they could have. But of course they couldn’t.

Plus, there were just WAY too many people involved in seeing the empty grave, the post-Resurrection sightings of Jesus, and His ascension into Heaven. They simply could not have made up a story, kept the details straight, and NEVER backed away from the lie—if it had been, in fact, a lie.

In addition, whereas people may sometimes keep a lie for a LONG time to cover their own backs, protect someone they love, or even simply to profit financially ... people don’t DIE for a lie. But history shows that MILLIONS of followers of Jesus (including that initial band of disciples who were the first-hand witnesses) went to their (often horrific, tortuous) graves standing firm on the Truth of His resurrection.)

Reflecting on all of this, I am heading into my day mindful of many things and very, very grateful that:

Though Satan, the world, and even my Old Man accuse me (and accuse me and accuse me); and even though their accusations against ME (unlike the false accusations hurled at Jesus) are actually, shamefully, OFTEN TRUE ... I have an Advocate Who stands before the Judge on my behalf.

And this isn’t just any advocate who throws himself between me and the bullet (often the bullet of my own making!). This is the Second Person of the Trinity Who condescended to be made Man so that he could live the life I could never live and suffer the death I deserve.

So false accusations come at me and TRUE accusations come at me. Either way, I can’t lift my head. I can’t breathe in and out. The knife is at my chest and I deserve its fatal thrust of death.

But then my Advocate steps between the knife and me; death and me; what I deserve and me. And He says, “Who brings this accusation against my daughter?”

And what can Satan say in reply? What can people say against me? Even my own (quick to condemn myself!) flesh—what words can I come up with as I look at the beaten, bloodied, nail-pierced, spear-pierced, spat-upon Son of God? HE states that the punishment has been fully paid. The verdict of GUILTY is true, but dealt with.

And the justice of God will never condemn ME for something that His Son has ALREADY paid for.

So there I sit, tempted to despair over my sin. ("Will I NEVER get over this sin?!?") Accusations SWIRLING in my heart and mind.

And I remember the truth of the gospel: If someone wants to accuse me and condemn me, then they need to go through Jesus first. And who could stand when He appeareth? Not I. Not I. I will fall down in worship and gratitude. I will weep or laugh or, well, I just don’t know.

But this I DO know: I will not be crushed by my sin because the Son of God was crushed on my behalf.

Alleluia and Amen. (Let it be. It is so.)
Selah. (Think about this. Take a moment to think about all of this. Drink it in.)

May God help us to live what we believe—

Gratefully,
Tara B.

PS
Ray Ortlund posted a beautiful John Bunyan quote over on his blog that expresses this too:

"One day as I was passing in the field, and that too with some dashes on my conscience, fearing lest all was still not right, suddenly this sentence fell upon my soul, Your righteousness is in heaven. And I thought as well that I saw, with the eyes of my soul, Jesus Christ at God’s right hand. There, I say, is my righteousness, so that wherever I was or whatever I was doing, God could not say of me, he lacks my righteousness, for that was just before Him. I also saw that it was not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor my bad frame that made my righteousness worse, for my righteousness was Jesus Christ Himself, the same yesterday and today and forever.

Now did my chains fall off my legs indeed. . . . I went home rejoicing for the grace and love of God. . . . Here I lived for some time, very sweetly at peace with God through Christ. Oh, I thought, Christ! Christ! There was nothing but Christ before my eyes."

John Bunyan, Grace Abounding (Philadelphia, 1859), page 75, edited slightly

Sophia worked very hard today making brownies (with peppermint icing and crushed candy cane topping) for Fred to take to the Peacemaker Ministries staff party this evening:





And other than that little enjoyable project, we’ve pretty much accomplished nothing else today other than taking care of Eleanor and being together. What a grace.

Hope your day had some moments of rest and enjoyment too—

Yours,
Tara B.

I said to myself, “I won’t cry. Of course I won’t cry.”



(Yeah, right.)

Watch. Enjoy. What a special kid. (And see if you can get through it without asking yourself how YOU would respond if you had to prepare yourself for blindness. How would you handle waking up one day KNOWING that by the end of that day, you would never see anything again in this life?)

It was definitely worth the watch. Plus, I feel even more bonded to my sports-lovin'-hubby who just yesterday discovered the Hulu Big Ten’s Greatest Basketball Games Channel. We’re really hoping to catch a shot or two of him in the BAND.

BTW—once again, for the record, I HATE CANCER. Hate it. Despise it. Whether it’s this kid’s retinoblastoma or the cancer Pastor JollyBlogger is fighting or the breast cancer my one dear friend survived and my one dear friend died an agonizing death from.

I hate cancer.

And I am just so glad that God hates it so much that he sent His Only Begotten Son to eradicate it once and for all when He sets this world right again.

(Ooooh—total Tara brain jumps going on in this post, eh?) That reminds me of today’s RZIM Slice of Infinity by the extraordinary Jill Carattini: The One Who Came in Person. What a profound thinker and writer she is! Consider just to excerpts and then (hopefully) pop on over and read the entire essay:

"In his book The God Delusion, Oxford biologist Richard Dawkins sets forth the staggering estimation that post-Christian secular societies are far more moral than societies that operate from a religious foundation. He recounts the horrors carried out in the name of God, moving past the monstrosities of the 20th century at the hands of atheist regimes by claiming their atheism had nothing to do with their behavior. “I’m inclined to suspect,” he writes, “that there are very few atheists in prison.”(1) He is insistent that believers are worse than atheists when it comes to behaving ethically.

British statesman Roy Hattersley, himself a fellow atheist, disagrees ... “Civilised people do not believe that drug addiction and male prostitution offend against divine ordinance. But those who do are the men and women most willing to change the fetid bandages, replace the sodden sleeping bags and—probably most difficult of all—argue, without a trace of impatience, that the time has come for some serious medical treatment.”

...

Though buried under insult and ignorance, Celsus had his finger on the very quality of Christianity that makes Christians as curious as the philosophy they profess: Our God came in person. God had to come near, as Celsus claims; though not because He couldn’t speak to us otherwise, nor because He was incapable of touching the world from where He stands. As a Father who longs to gather his children together, God came near because each child matters. God came near—God came in person—because one lost, or one hurting, or one in need was one God would lay down his life to reach.

Christmas is about remembering the one who came in person. It is this God who came near and reordered the world, calling us to see life and each other in startling new ways ..."

(HT to TakeYourVitaminZ for the link to the video.)

I don’t know how you handle the barrage of “please send money!” emails / mailings / calls that come this time of year. Every year.

But I’ve really been trying to pray for wisdom to know what to:

- Toss without even opening. (I must admit that this is my inclination because we try to faithfully give every month to the ministries we think we should, and dramatic end-of-year appeals tend to annoy me, not motivate me to give.)

- Forward/leave out for Fred with a, “Can we? Should we? How much can we help?” request to even consider giving.

- Give on the spot. (Sometimes, I just think, “Oh! This is a MUST give. Whatever it takes. We’ll find the money. We need to give to this person / family / need / opportunity. Of course, 99% of the time, I still discuss this with Fred. But sometimes (like this week) I have to ask his forgiveness for jumping in and giving without talking with him first. Oh! That’s not wise or honoring of him. But he’s a gracious man and quick to forgive me.)

Reading this post from Carolyn McCulley (”Thankful for a Cow") is definitely in the middle category for me. (What can we STOP doing so that we can HELP MORE?)

Please do read it and enjoy it. It doesn’t ask for money. It’s just a wonderful story of mercy in a world that is often anything but merciful.

Oh. And it reminds me of my mother-in-law’s passion for helping the poor too. We really love her gift to us pretty much every Christmas of our marriage of “half a flock of chickens” or “a goat” or “a cow” given in Jesus' name to someone in need.

(People keep saying, “TEN DEGREES BELOW ZERO! You must be FREEZING!” when they talk to me. But I’m neither cold nor hungry. And my children have never lacked for clean water. Wealth wealth wealth.)

Thanks, Carolyn, for another great post. And congratulations on your new adventure being a part of the new church plant in D.C.! Very exciting.

Gratefully,
Tara B.

Last night, after Fred read us our (edited version of) Jotham’s Journey: A Storybook for Advent (our family edits a few of the scenes because they are too intense for our five year-old Sophia), Sophie said a fun and interesting comment that I thought you might enjoy. It went something like this:

"When I get to Heaven, I can’t wait to ask God some questions."

“Like what?” Fred and I asked.

“Well ... my first question would be, ‘How are You Three in One, God?’”

“And my second question would be, ‘How did You resist before the world?’”

(We helped her with the one word ... “Do you mean, exist, dear?”)

“Yes. Yes. How did God exist before there was anything else?”

To which Fred and I both replied, “We hope we’re there with you when He responds (and not off chatting with Abraham or something) because Wow! Those are two great mysteries that WE would love to understand one day too.”

Ahhhhhh—theology for five year-olds and forty year-olds. Gotta love it.

Hope your night was an interesting and fun one, too.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

PS
Last night was also the first time that Fred and Sophie really “jammed” with Fred on guitar and Sophie on violin, just playing away, changing keys, song after song, whatever they felt like. Singing too (Fred) and tapping her foot too (Sophie) and Ella and I just taking in the show. It sure was a lovely way to pass an evening.

Something really wonderful happened to Sophie yesterday. It was a great joy and a great honor—and I’m ashamed to admit that my FIRST inclination was to counsel her about not being proud, keeping a humble heart, etc. etc.

This shames me because, of course, what I needed to do instead (and by God’s grace what I DID do by the time she got home!) was REJOICE WITH HER.

Yes, beforehand, we had talked and prayed about having a humble and modest heart and response IF this great thing happened to her. And yes, it is our duty to continue to pray about and work on responding to life’s encouragements and celebrations with thankful, grateful, humble hearts.

But in that first moment when my five year-old daughter walked in the door with that smile of, “Mom! Mom! Guess what?! HOORAY!”? Well, I’m just so grateful that the Lord used a good friend of mine to TALK with me and PREPARE me to respond with:

- JOY! Celebration! Hooray hooray hooray!

- POSTERS! All around the house. Inside and out. CONGRATULATIONS SOPHIE! YIPPPEEE!

- AFFIRMATION! We’re so proud of you. You use what God has entrusted to you for His glory and to serve your neighbor. WELL DONE. Good job! We love you!

Oh, how close I came to me blowing it with some sort of, “Great job—BUT DON’T BE PROUD” response in that initial moment.

(I could tell you story after story of that being my personal experience in life. “Oh. You got that great clerkship at that great law firm. Good job. BUT DON’T GET A BIG HEAD.” "A $20,000 music scholarship? Nice. BUT THAT’S NOT GOING TO PAY FOR EVERYTHING." “First place at such a big speech meet you get to go to sectionals for state? Congratulations. YOU’RE REALLY GOING TO HAVE TO WORK HARD NOW.” etc. etc.)

I just can’t BELIEVE how close I came to being that kind of a parent! By the skin of my chinny-chin-chin of stupidity. I almost blew it.

Thanks, Grandma K, for talking me through it all. Helping me to help her to REJOICE and ENJOY with a grateful heart in that happy moment. Trusting that there will be lots of disappointments in life and probably more successes, too ... lots of opportunities to counsel and instruct.

But last night was made for CELEBRATION. And so we did.

Off into our day now—
So much to do, I’m tempted to be paralyzed and do none of it.
Hopefully I’ll be diligent and make even a tiny bit of progress.

Blessings!
– Tara B.

Hysterical Santa-themed post over at the inimitable CakeWrecks:

Be Good ... OR ELSE

(Be sure to NOT miss the commentary and keep your eyes on the EYES. Oh my.)

I received a sweet email today from someone from my past who reconnected with me because of my blog, and I thought one of you might be even a tiny bit encouraged by my response to her.

She talked in her email about “needing to get right with the Lord” and how my blog has helped her to remember that even the people who can SEEM like they have such happy ("perfect") lives, struggle too.

Here is my (edited / identifying information removed / slightly altered to hide some facts) reply:

It’s so nice to hear from you! I’m very glad that my blog is even a tiny encouragement to you. And please don’t worry about being a stalker! In blog-lingo, people who read but never post are called LURKERS. And most blogs with any level of readership have a bunch. You’re always welcome at the blog!



And I’ve prayed for your heart this morning, too, especially regarding your faith in the finished work of Christ and your relationship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Surely, a right relationship with God based not on our performance but on Christ IS the most important thing in all of life. So please know that I did pray for you.

I also wanted to encourage you to check out an inexpensive little book (if you like to read) called, “The Prodigal God” by T. Keller. It’s a great book, especially for when we all feel distant from God and tired of trying to “be good.” It really explains Scripture in a way that makes sense, is God-centered, and HELPFUL. Might make a nice Christmas gift if someone was asking what you might like ...

Hope you can get some rest today after such a long shift! Thanks for all you do to serve your community. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to have your job. A few years ago, Fred and I were in a pretty desperate state financially and I spent a few months doing some secretarial work at an office here in Billings in the “rough part of town.” OH MY STARS but there were so many people in such complicated troubles with so many needs. I can’t imagine everything you encounter on a normal day in your job.

God bless you! And thanks again for writing.

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
You are so wise re: how we never really know just how hard another person’s life is. Now that I’m only 40, and having lived the life I live with the experiences I’ve had, this I know for 100% sure ... EVERYONE has suffering. Everyone. Even (especially?) the wealthy. Even the “looks so happy” married couple. Skinny people. Fat people. People with children. People who can’t have children.

Life in a fallen world is HARD.

That’s why we need to submit to membership in a local church that is faithful to the Bible and that humbly and winsomely preaches the Word, administers the sacraments, helps us to worship and pray, and loves us enough to discipline us / hold us accountable / help us to grow.

If you’re not already a member of a local church, I hope you will pray, seek counsel, make a wise decision, and join one soon. We’re just not meant to live apart from the church.

PPS
Hey! I’ve been in a little bit of a blue place (hah! understatement) and not blogging lately, so I think I’ll take out ALL identifying information from this email and post it IF that’s OK with you. (i.e., if you see ANYTHING that even comes close to tying my blog post to you, PLEASE just email me and I will IMMEDIATELY delete it.)

Maybe it will be a small encouragement to another person too. Hope so. Thanks again for writing!

Whew! What a day—present wrapping (while hanging with family); present sending (while waiting in line at the post office for a LONG time but getting to chat with people from the community the whole time); the ladies' Christmas brunch (with real fellowship with real friends—what a grace!); Soph to and from a birthday party (replete with a REAL horse ride on a beautiful brown Montana horse named Guy); and the entire fam to and from Soph’s violin “recital” on the community stage at the mall (does it count as a recital if a “BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!!” announcement blares as loud as a locomotive over the p.a. system WHILE your daughter is playing her song? ) ...



7PM. Whew! Now we’re all just singing along to Handel’s Messiah playing very loudly on our stereo because OH! That piece of music is just a tiny bit of Heaven on Earth.

Hope your day was a blessed one too—

Gratefully,
Tara B.

My life is full and rich. Every day, I have a healthy baby who wants nothing more than to be held and cuddled (and fed and changed ). And more than any other interesting adventure in her life (like making a fort in a downstairs closet and reading for hours yesterday), I have another daughter whose delight is to snuggle with me and talk, sing, read, pray ... just be together. On top of all of that? I have a husband who has stuck with me for 14+ years and who is unfailingly faithful and kind and I have been saved from my sins by the very Triune God of the universe Himself!

So why is it that, in light of all of the good in my life, sometimes my heart is STILL crushed by rejection, abandonment, and loneliness? (Especially at certain times–weddings, holidays, etc.–that are “supposed to be” times of great familial togetherness?)

Why do I go from being sort-of-messed-up-but-fairly-functional-Tara to REALLY-MESSED-UP-TARA in what feels like the blink of an eye?

These were the questions I went to be thinking about last night and the questions I woke up thinking about this morning. But in between (THANK GOD!), I did have a few moments of sanity and faith when I:

1. Talked with Fred about it all and we spontaneously began to recite sections from Psalm 27 and Isaiah 41 to each other:

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

But you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham, my friend ... I have chosen you and not cast you off; fear not, for I am with you.

One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life ... For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent.

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! Turn not your servant away in anger, O you who have been my help. Cast me not off; forsake me not, O God of my salvation! For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.

And you shall rejoice in the Lord; in the Holy One of Israel you shall glory.

2. I recognized (and I’m still recognizing right now) that what I really need to do is GRIEVE. But I also know that right now I’m feeling too hurt to even go there—and that’s OK. I’m still working through the “feel it” and “name it” parts of Judy D’s wise counsel regarding such things:

"Feel it. Name it. Grieve it. Let it go and move on."

Oh! It sounds so good in theory—but life is hard. Suffering is hard. Feelings are feelings and sometimes, they are extremely complex. Hence, #3 ...

3. I pulled up the ol' manuscript for Peacemaking Women into Word and re-read the section on complex pain and suffering. (One of these days, I REALLY have to just sit down with the final “book book” version of that manuscript and read how the whole thing came together in the end! But I digress ...)

In our chapter on suffering, Judy and I talk about how the pain from a current situation we are facing may “tap into” our past experiences. And particularly when our emotions are disproportional to the actual situation we are in, it may be wise for for us to look deep into our own hearts to see if a life-forming trauma might be surfacing.

Like layers of an onion, God may be lovingly helping us to hurt—peeling back another layer of sorrow so that we can experience an even deeper sense of His presence, goodness, wholeness and shalom. (Because one day, in Heaven, the “onion” of pain will be gone forever and completely and our suffering will be over.)

But it’s sure AWFUL in the process, isn’t it?

To be cruising along in life, growing a little in grace, thinking things are relatively OK ... and then WHAM! We’re right back in whatever trauma we have faced (abuse, life-threatening illness, abandonment by a spouse, rejection by a parent, being attacked within our own church by our own sheep (and/or shepherds!), false accusations, headship warped into misogynism, war, unfaithfulness by a friend, just plain-ol-meanness).

Over the years, we’ve thought to ourselves, “I’ve dealt with that. I’m OK now.” So we are doubly shocked by the depth of (fear, pain, sorrow, angst, hopelessness, anger) we feel because we TRULY thought it was in the past. But herein lies the rub—nothing in this life is truly in the past (100% completely) until Heaven. In Heaven, if that’s the way Heaven works (and I’m no expert on the theology of Heaven!), we will be able to look back on any trauma or suffering and experience it, remember it, think about it without pain (because there are NO TEARS in Heaven, Alleluia!).

But in this life? We hurt. We grieve. We kick and scream and cry, “This is TERRIBLE! This is SO UGLY! I HATE this!” (Because friends should remain faithful. Pastors should protect their sheep (and sheep should appreciate and protect their pastors). No one should have to suffer in agony from cancer (and their families shouldn’t have to sit by their bedside as they do).

Employers should be just and fair. Church members should be gracious to one another. Parents should delight in their children and love them. War should not be.

But all the shoulds in the world don’t fix this broken, fallen world. We live in a world that is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s appropriate to hate sin and it’s appropriate to be sad when life in a sinful and fallen world causes you pain.

But the real question is, what do you do with it THEN?

I have so many memories of lying on my bed at the Livingstons or curling up in the back of Bethlehem Lutheran Church in Morris, Illinois—journaling, praying, crying, BEGGING GOD to help me to survive (and even thrive in!) my experience of being a teenager with one parent far away living life with another family he had chosen (instead of my sister and me) and another parent institutionalized for addictions and mental illness. Oh! How I WANTED to be so grateful to my church family and this amazing Christian family that had taken me in when I had no home; how I WANTED to be so grateful to God for saving me and making me his own. I had a great life in so many ways—Madrigals, Speech Team, Band, Choir; handbells, Bible studies, even a great friend-boyfriend-friend whom I love and enjoy to this day (20+ years later!).

But deep down? I was just a terrified, lonely, sad little girl who more than anything else longed for her parents' approval and acceptance. I hated being judged “not good enough” and “unlovable” by them and I was devastated by their abandonment and rejection of me.

But this was my life. This was the path that God (good, sovereign, all-knowing, all-powerful God) had laid out for me. He promised to be with me. He promised to give me everything I would need for life and godliness. He said He would never forsake me. He said that I could glorify Him—even messed up ol' ME could glorify Him. He hid me in the cleft of His rock. He covered me with Himself.

It was enough.

Yes, over the years, at times, the layers of the onion get peeled back a little more and little more. It hurts. A lot. But I know that God is helping me to grieve with HOPE because one day, He is going to set everything right again. And in the interim, He will be with me.

And that is enough.

(Or so my theology says. And yes, I DO believe it. But now I just need to feel it and name it so I can grieve it and move on.)

Thanks for spending the first few hours of my Saturday morning with me. 7AM. I hear the pack starting to rouse upstairs so I need to scoot. (Ella figured out how to turn on her little “Ocean Wonders” crib toy, even in her sleep sack! She’s like a little mermaid kicking up both legs to hit the button and start the bubbles and lights—very fun.)

Remember! Remember!

"Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine."

Blessed Saturday to you—

With love,
Tara B.

If you haven’t checked out Taylor Lynde’s fine art store lately, you are really missing out! (Especially if you are looking for a stunning, thoughtful, and extremely inexpensive gift for someone you love. TJ offers these smaller-sized paintings on ebay to help those of us who can’t afford gallery-sized works still get to have gallery-quality fine art in our homes.)

Please click through and check them all out — there are a number of Montana scenes that are just lovely.

But my favorite is this Calvinist Still Life. (I wish I could put a photo of it in here! TJ & Samara—if you read this, email me a photo, OK? )

In the notes for this still life, TJ writes:

"You often hear the question, “how could a good God send anyone to hell?”,

Let Eve’s forbidden fruit, the Scriptures and a flask of whisky remind us of the real question- “Why should a good, just and transcendent God allow any of us wretches to hang with Him at all?”

Thanks Lord for all i have, You are the best of company, in all of life, this'n and the one to come."

Thanks for making the world a more beautiful place, Taylor, by using your gifts to love God and love your neighbor.

We appreciate you!
– Tara B.

After reading this quote in a RZIM Slice of Infinity from this week, I immediately prayed it for my friend’s mother (and their entire family) as they walk through the suffering of end stage cancer:

"Lord Jesus, come yourself, and dwell with us, be human as we are, and overcome what overwhelms us. Come into the midst of my evil, come close to my unfaithfulness. Share my sin, which I hate and which I cannot leave. Be my brother, Thou Holy God. Be my brother in the kingdom of evil and suffering and death. Come with me in my death, come with me in my suffering, come with me as I struggle with evil. And make me holy and pure, despite my sin and death." Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Come near!
Come near!

For You are big and strong; we are frail and weak.
You banish darkness and fear; and to us, the darkness can feel so overwhelmingly scary.
In You, there is hope; apart from you, no hope.
You took on flesh. You understand.
You have overcome.

Heading into a prayerful day—

Yours,
Tara B.

Big day in the Barthel household! Ella rolled over by herself for the very first time:



And just like with Sophia, I was super blessed to have happened to have the camera rolling so we have a movie! Very fun.

We also had a nice day wrapping presents AND painting presents:





And we made our annual trip to Jayne’s Signature Sweets to order Sophie’s birthday cake. We love Miss Jayne!



If that weren’t enough, we wrapped up our outings with a trip to the dollar store where Sophie spent her very own money buying six presents (Mom, Dad, Ella, Lilikoi, Scout & William) — and I hid my eyes on mine, so I’ll actually have a present under the tree that I didn’t buy and wrap myself. Very fun.

Hope your day was a blessed one too!

Yours,
Tara B.

My dad and his wife have left for the airport.

I can’t really come up with words to describe how I am feeling right now. I’m not sure I really WANT to figure out what I am feeling.

Sometimes the layers of our hearts just get peeled back a little more and a little more, don’t they?

We had no overt conflicts. Everything went “fine.” We even talked about the gospel in very direct ways on three occasions.

But right now? I just don’t have words to say.
So I’ll sign off.

Sorry to be a non-blogger again. It’s been quite a month, eh?

Hope you are all doing well—
Thanks again for the prayers!

Yours,
Tara B.