considerable grace

TakeYourVitaminZ thanked Tim Chester for this (great!) Marcus Honeysett article ('tis hard to accurately thank everyone re: links to links to links in blogland, isn’t it? but I do try ...)

A Hole in the Fuel Tank? Ten Reasons Why Churches Stall

I encourage you to read the entire article (it isn’t long). And to tempt you, here are just a few summary points from Mr. Chester to consider as to why churches stall:

1. The church forgets who we are and what we are for … mission quickly becomes just one among many activities rather than the defining vision of who we are as a community.

2. The majority of believers are no longer thrilled with the Lord and what he is doing in their lives. When questions like ‘What is God doing with you at the moment?’ cease to be common currency, it is a sure sign of creeping spiritual mediocrity.

3. The single biggest cause of stalled churches is the belief that material comfort can be normative for Christians. It is the opposite of radical commitment to Christ.

4. [Christians] see church as one among many leisure activities, usually low down the priority list. They are unlikely to see the Christian community as God’s great hope for the world and unlikely to put commitment above self-interest.

5. Where people take no personal responsibility for their own spiritual growth a stalled church becomes more likely.

6. When preaching, teaching and Bible study become ends in themselves rather than means to an end, something is badly wrong.

7. A church becomes afraid to ask radical questions … People start to equate serving the church with living out the gospel. Few churches regularly evaluate every aspect of church life against their core vision.

8. Confusing Christian activities with discipleship …

9. Not understanding how to release and encourage everyone in the church to use their spiritual gifts for the building up of the church … There are two types of DNA in churches. One type of church says ‘we exist to have our personal spiritual needs met’, the other ‘we exist to impact our locality and the world with the gospel of the grace of God in Christ’. The first type is a stalled church.

10. No church was stalled at the point that it was founded. At the beginning all churches were adventures in faith and daring risk for God ... but at some point the mindset shifted from daring passion for the Lord to comfortable mediocrity … The mantra of the maintenance mindset is ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’. But just like buying shoes for growing children, if structures don’t take account of future growth then fellowships end up stunted and deformed.

Much to think about. And a great reminder to keep praying for our church leaders and actively look for ways to encourage and help them.

(Maybe today would be a great day for your family to begin memorizing and praying over all of your elders, deacons (council members / whatever term your church uses for leaders) and their families. It seems to me that one of the best ways we can honor and serve our leaders is to know who they are and pray for them.)

Blessed Sabbath to you all!

Yours,
Tara B.

I just finished my fifth session at this women’s retreat in South Carolina.

What a privilege it was to be with these remarkable women! I learned so much by our conversations and I was truly edified just to be with them all. (Plus, they were extremely gracious with me re: what I would charitably describe as not my best teaching sessions. I tried my best! But oh, I was not pleased with my service to them. Don’t worry—I’m not beating myself up. I am simply praying and trusting that God’s grace to cover (yet again) my lack.)

Now I’m processing all of the paperwork related to serving 200+ women and wondering if I’ll get to serve tomorrow night or whether that event will be canceled. (I’m supposed to train some women leaders at a different church—same city—tomorrow night. But a winter snow storm has blanketed the area with ice and snow and church services are canceled for the morning. So we’ll just have to see how the night goes tomorrow and whether I can get home Monday.

But that’s not my prayer request. I’m actually putting up this blog to ask for prayer for sweet Sophie and dear Fred and Ella because Sophie is sick.

We’re still trying to figure out how sick—but she’s pretty miserable and Fred had to cancel leading worship tomorrow and we’re prayerfully trying to determine our plan for Monday re: childcare. (Because, of course, we don’t want to expose anyone else to whatever she’s fighting. And it’s just no fun to be sick when you’re little—harder still to be away from Mom and Dad.)

So thanks for praying for her and for us—
And thanks, South Carolina ladies, for a wonderful weekend!

Back to my spreadsheets and to-do lists now.

G'nite,
Tara B.

Lots of encouraging things happening in the last few days ...

I met a sister in Christ on my third flight yesterday. Her name was Phyllis and she performed her flight attendant duties for our little prop-jop full of weary travelers with such a sweet countenance and such genuine kindness that I thought, “I wonder if she is a Christian?” Because either she was, or she was one of the most remarkably gentle unbelievers I’ve ever met.

Towards the end of the flight, after I had turned over every piece of paper / baggage receipt / scrap from a magazine I could find in order to continue to journal ...

(Those of you who “need” to write to really work things through / pray will understand what I’m describing.)

... I squirreled up my courage and asked her if she had a Bible that I might borrow for a few moments. (I had violated my cardinal rule for traveling and checked my suitcase—including my Bible—because I didn’t think my knees were up to schlepping it through four airports, all with very short connection times.)

She did and she graciously got it for me from her purse. (She also asked, in such a loving and kind way that I felt like the kid grasping to the piece of floating wood after the Titanic sank and the pastor cried out, “Are ye saved, laddy?!?” ... “Are you born again?” "Yes, mam," I replied. “Great!” she said. And handed me her—well worn—Bible.)

Oh! Like water to a thirsty man. I drank it in. I read all of 1 Peter and, of course, was soothed by God’s mercy, convicted of my sin, broken in repentance, and finally filled with gratitude and HOPE—that God would love a sinner like me; that He would forgive me. Again. That He would continue to give me everything I need to walk in a new way—a way of life and of gracious forbearance (rather than the selfish, self-centered, proud, defensive, ugly way I was tempted to walk).

Such is the fruit of godly repentance!

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

Repentance is such a grace.

I’ve also been blessed by a Sermon Series on Hope suggested to me by Susan P. (Thanks, Susan!) I regularly have it playing now and it is extremely edifying.

Lastly, I just read on the IX Marks blog that Jonthan Leeman’s new book is out so I immediately ordered it from Amazon:

The Church and The Surprising Offense of God’s Love

Can’t wait to read it! The description sounds spot-on:

"When the world speaks of “love,” it often means unconditional acceptance. Many churches have adopted this mind-set in their practice of membership and discipline-if they have not done away with such structures entirely. “Yet God’s love and God’s gospel are different than what the world expects,” writes Jonathan Leeman. They’re centered in his character, which draws a clear boundary between what is holy and what is not. It’s this line that the local church should represent in its member practices, because the careful exercise of such authority “is God’s means for guarding the gospel, marking off a people, and thereby defining his love for the world.”

So how should churches receive and dismiss members? How should Christians view their submission to the church? Are there dangers in such submission? The Church and the Surprising Offense of God’s Love responds with biblical, theological, and practical guidance-from both corporate and individual perspectives. It’s a resource that will help pastors and their congregations upend worldly conceptions and recover a biblical understanding and practice of church authority."

Amen! We can surely use all the (Christ-centered, biblical, gospel-soaked) help we can get with this topic.

Off into my day here in beautiful Greenville now!

Yours,
Tara B.

Tonight Sophia did something that required a painful consequence. Fred was promptly on it and if things had gone as usual, they would’ve rejoined Ella and me on the bed and we would continued on into our family time of cuddling and reading.

Instead, even after being forgiven, Sophie kept hanging her head. Hiding her face in her hair. Not wanting to look at Fred or me. Not happily participating as before.

We tried to talk with her. We tried to reason with her. But ultimately? With prayer, this is pretty much what I said to her:

"My darling daughter,
You are in the battle. The Battle. The battle of our age and every age; the battle of adults and children; mature Christians and young Christians too.

Here is the battle: You know that God’s Word says you are forgiven. It is fact. A fait accompli. You have confessed your sins to God and He is faithful and just to forgive you your sins. You have confessed to me and I have forgiven you just as the Lord has forgiven me.

It is done. It is finished. Over. Covered. There is nothing more to be added to your repentance; no penitence or works or fine is due. Jesus died for your sins. His life and death are sufficient. His resurrection is your hope.

But here is the battle: You are tempted to doubt God. To call Him a Liar. To say, “It’s not enough that Jesus died for my sins! I also have to lie here and feel miserable for two hours and alienate myself from my family. THEN I can earn my way back into our happy fellowship.”

No. No. No, dear. That’s just not true. TRUTH prevails: You are forgiven. Covered. Washed clean. White as snow. Repent of any thought that tempts you to believe or feel otherwise. Turn away from condemnation and shame! And believe that Your God Saves. He wants to save. He delights in saving sinners just like you and me.

Here, come and cuddle with me while I finalize my notes and try to print out my boarding pass, etc. Run your fingers through my freshly washed hair as I work. (I’m using that nummy grape Bed Head conditioner you like!) Lean up against me and lean into me and let our time together remind you of truth—you are loved. You are forgiven. Everything is OK. Nothing can change my love for you. Nothing can change God’s love for you.

(Her breathing calms. Her eyes droop a little. We giggle over her extremely, extremely loose tooth that will for SURE be out of there before I return from SC Monday night. We discuss one more time what a tiny thing the actual disobedience was—but what a serious, important, huge issue the heart issue behind it was. That Fred and I long for her to enjoy God! And enjoy the blessings of peace and contentment that flow from wise, obedient choices in life. She seemed to get it a tiny bit.)

And then we tuck her into bed and I sit for a moment, picturing the next five days of my life. Will I make my six connections? Will my post-op knees survive the teeny tiny planes? Will God give me the grace I need to love so many women well and serve them well? Will I have sufficient energy? Oh! Will my knees collapse and throw me to the floor? That’d get their attention at least.

I guess we’ll find out in the next few days. I just need to confirm that Bible is packed and my wallet with I.D. is ready to go. Noise canceling earphones? Check! Sophie’s borrowed Ipod so generously loaned out to me? Check!A stack of Illinois Bar Magazines to read. Birthday cards for dear friends, already addressed and stamped—just needing some extra time to write a real note that goes far beyond merely signing my name.

In a nutshell, I’m off! But I feel the weight of not being near Ella. Sophia. Fred. Even fuzzy ol' Lilikoi, who we’ve taken to calling her “Kitty” for a nickname because she loves to come up under us and just rub her head on our legs and in our hands—just like a little cat. She’s so sweet, we don’t mind. But she’s earning the moniker of kitty so it might stick around.

May God keep them safe and me safe as I travel.
May Fred have the humility to admit when he needs help—may he reach out to people in town and let me know, too, so that I can work long distance to help find help for him.

Probably? My children will be happier in the care of Auntie Karen and Fred. They will have more fun. Eat better. And probably practice the violin and math a lot LESS. They will continue to calculate some perimeters of things and will begin to play around with the four forces that affect air flight (lift, thrust, gravity, drag/air resistance) as we more toward our science fair project. They will read and memorize Scripture. They will listen to diverse music and play fun games. Soph has also created a virtual sweat shop of Valentine’s Day card making and decorating, so I’m looking forward to seeing how all of that comes out.

And they have their little routines for when Mom is out of town ... one meal at Taco Bell (not my favorite); one meal of bbq ribs with beans and homemade cornbread (again, not my favorite, but they think it’s super fun to eat); date nights getting to sleep in our bed (!!), and mostly ... webcamming back in the room whenever you get even a moment.

All of that adventure will start in only a few hours so I’m REALLY hoping I can calm my mind down and get some sleep SOON.

Goodnight, all!
Sweet dreams!

To quote Fred’s dad, Grandpa Calvin, as he tucked Freddy B into bed each night with his whiskers skritchin' away on Fred’s face:

"Good night, Fredzel."

Still makes me smile to picture it.

These are the ties that bind.
This is how we make it through the great battle.

Signing off now—
Tara B.

One of my fb friends, Thomas Knox Myrick, is a young man I don’t really know beyond fb-land, but Fred and I comment on how we’d like to get to know him based on his reading lists and updates (preach it Thomas!).

Today he posted a link to a great W. Smith article that I encourage you to read:

Wisdom in Relationships

Enjoy!

I’m going to sleep for the second time tonight—the first didn’t last very long due to my troubled heart. And this time, I’m going to sleep with a smile thanks to TakeYourVitaminZ’s link to this classic Bill Cosby scene:



True comedic genius.

I’ve actually been working kind of diligently the last fews days to get ready for this trip (rather than my typical “do everything the night before” pattern). It’s kind of nice—but I can’t really believe I will ultimately shed my procrastinator ways. Seems way to organized and together for how I feel these days.

I did have a few ah-hah’s in the last 24 hours that I thought might either make you chuckle or encourage or maybe even help you:

1. I realized that it is SO good that it’s not ME organizing the day-to-day details of our church’s little co-op. I think that in the past, I would’ve jumped at the chance to organize things because I would’ve thought I could serve well. But now I see that I am really not a maintainer. I’m much more of a project-based change agent. I’m a good back office helper. But our co-op does so much better in the hands of a faithful, calm, steady, not-prone-to-ups-and-downs woman (i.e., NOT ME). So glad that I never volunteered to lead ...

2. Thanks to a frustrating situation, I had a fresh opportunity to remember anew just how much I really dislike conflict. I hate it, in fact. It’s a hassle. It ruins my otherwise happy mood. All of a sudden I go from being a relatively sweet and loving mom to SUPER GROUCH (and my family didn’t even have anything to do with the situation). What I REALLY want to do, instinctively, is defend myself, blame the other person, and hold a grudge. Oh! What a wretch I am. Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God ...

3. Whatever my tiny little inconveniences in life, they simply cannot compare the suffering that millions of people are experiencing right now. This very moment. And I don’t even have to gaze all the way to Haiti to see it. Friends, dear friends, people I love greatly, are bearing extraordinary loads of stress and sorrow. Who am I to complain for my tiny little aches and pains and unpleasant situations? May God forgive my selfish heart.

4. I LOVED this quote from my friend’s fb update yesterday: “I get to do fun things nobody else in the world except Karen Vowell gets to do today.” And she was cleaning closets at the time! Isn’t that just a wonderful attitude to have towards your daily tasks? Oh! I just love that woman. (Yes, she’s my cream of tartar / mother of Kerry Lou, Kelly, Karla, Clark, Corey & Kayla / buddy.)

Off to our family’s continued reading of Revelation now. (Pastor Alfred is starting a new sermon series and he asked us all to read the entire book this week. We’re making good progress as a family, but so far we’ve had to stop and SING a lot because there sure are a bunch of hymns and spiritual songs that come verbatim from Revelation.)

Good night and God bless!

Yours,
Tara B.

No More My God
Isaac Watts 1674-1748

No more, my God, I boast no more
Of all the duties I have done;
I quit the hopes I held before,
To trust the merits of Thy Son.

Now, for the loss I bear His name,
What was my gain I count my loss;
My former pride I call my shame,
And nail my glory to His cross.

Yes, and I must and will esteem
All things but loss for Jesus’ sake;
O may my soul be found in Him,
And of His righteousness partake!

The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before Thy throne;
But faith can answer Thy demands,
By pleading what my Lord has done.

Vintage Jill Carattini in today’s RZIM Slice of Infinity:

Error of a Serious Sort

I encourage you to read it slowly. It’s that good.

Here’s just a brief excerpt (that you really should read in context to understand its richness and depth):

"In deep contrast to such severe or optimistic readings, the Christian view of humanity adds a nuanced dimension to the conversation. Christianity admits that while there is indeed an error of a serious sort, the error is not in “humanness” itself. Rather, something has gone wrong. Thus, the great paradox of humanity can be rightly acknowledged: we find in being human both a deep and sacred honor and yet a profound disgrace. This inherent recognition of imperfection is simultaneously a recognition that there must indeed be such a thing as perfection."

I am praying for UrbanServant and her beloved family as they make the trek to Colorado Springs. (Oh! Do click through and read of God’s glory and work through this dear woman if you are not yet already familiar with her blog. Enjoy! And please also pray for them. I’m really hoping—and taking steps to try!—to be a blessing to this family as they transition to our Mountain Time Zone.)

And I am taking notes and more notes from this John Piper sermon:

Helping the Children to Love the Different People

Worth the time. Truly. I strongly urge you to listen and I pray that we will all live out the truths that he expounds.

I could write a hundred quotes from his message, but I’ll close with just two:

"Help your children to understand that their sin is uglier than any thing they think is physically unattractive about another person."

“God is on your side for one reason: Christ paid for your sins and imputes to you an alien righteousness which you receive by faith alone and everything in life flows from that gospel reality. The power to be that kind of parent / friend / person in general; the power to help anybody love those different from themselves; a power to love those who are different from ourselves, is a power that flows from that experience, that truth, the gospel. We want to accept because we are already accepted.”

Amen and amen.

And blessed Sabbath to you all—

Yours,
Tara B.

We don’t have television news on in our home, so we get our information from other sources.

Just by reading and listening, however, I know that the airwaves (internet cable thingy waves?) have been inundated with photos and video from Haiti. We have prayed as a family, but we haven’t seen a lot of the live footage of the death and devastation.

But TakeYourVitmainZ posted a photo that motivated me to go out and look for coverage of this: the remarkable, God-honoring rescuing of a seven year-old boy named Kiki.



If you poke around news sites, you’ll see clips of Kiki answering questions from reporters as to how he survived for seven days without food and water. ("God helped me.")

What a start to my day. What a reminder to keep praying and giving. What an encouragement to remember what is really important in life.

God bless little Kiki and the brave men who saved him.

Life is just so hard! (And will continue to be for this little one, I am sure.)

What a mercy to experience this moment of grace.

Enjoy your weekend!
– Tara B.

Just a quick note to let “dismayed” know that I have deleted the post from 2006 that motivated his or her criticisms this morning.

I stand behind the theology of what I said in the post (I truly believe that God is sovereign, even—especially—over our worst suffering.)

However, I also believe that the criticisms are warranted in that, like so many things on the internet, it was not possible to understand my tone by reading solely this one post. If you don’t know me or regularly read my blog, I guess you could presume to know that I am “flippant” and “not sensitive”.

I thought about trying to re-write the post to be more careful, but it seemed best to just delete it. And so I did.

Hope your Saturday is a blessed one—

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
After two and a half HOURS of wrestling with my ancient laptop and clunky ol' blog software (and a nice ol' fight w/Freddy that we’re still in the middle of), I still haven’t been able pull down the post. I think my computer is about to crash—so before I get the blue screen of death, I should clarify this post to say that I am TRYING to pull down the post from 2006 and hopefully I’ll have that done before, you know, noon.

PPS
Hey! It was Fight 37. Of course.

- Fred: “I need to update your blog software ...”
- I hear: “He’s going to take care of this soon.”
- Fred thinks, “I need to get to that one of these days / months / years.”

Thankfully we’ve worked through it and he figured out a technie way to delete the post. Whew! Only three hours later ...

Off into our Saturday now. Blessings to you all! – tkb

Take Your VitaminZ linked over to this article that had an interesting take on hard conversations:

On Hard Conversations

I think it is particularly of interest to me this morning because I’ve been reflecting this week on various hard conversations that people have had with me over the years—some, redemptive. Some, condemning. But all, truly hard.

I’ve also had to initiate some hard conversations lately—so that’ll have you on your knees and shaking a bit in your Keds as it were.

And the leadership event I’m participating in next weekend down in SC will discuss redemptive confrontation / the “3rd G” - Gently Restore, so the topic is heavy on my heart these days.

I could say 100 things about hard conversations / redemptive confrontation, etc. But this morning, the one thought that keeps coming to my mind over and over again is this:

When I have been confronted by someone who is on the same level plane as me (not “on the pedestal” with me “in the pit”) ...

When the person confronting me was careful and accurate and thoughtful in his or her words ...

Whenever I have been confronted by someone who did not threaten to leave or reject me ...

In those situations, hard and painful as they were, those conversations brought life to me.

And I will forever, forever, be grateful that those people loved me enough to tell me the truth.

Grace doesn’t always feel good in the moment. But I remain a grace junkie.

Blessings on your Friday!

I’m excited and a bit scared by the project I’m working on today while the girls enjoy a day with Mrs. G—

Yours,
Tara B.

Interesting post over at IX Marks on the four things a pastor can do in preaching (illustrate, defend, explain, apply):

One Thing I Remember from Preaching Class

Yesterday I met for the first time with a new friend for prayer, Bible study, and accountability regarding a certain area of temptation that we both face.

As is often the case whenever I’m trying something new, I really (really!) wanted to back out at the last minute. New = scary, at least for me. (Not cooking level of scary or anything, but scary nonetheless.)

But I also really (really!) wanted to meet. Not with any “twelve step plan for victory” or spreadsheet of organized temptations & relevant Scriptures or even with any “big goal” in mind. But just for friendship and companionship along life’s journey—and for encouragement to remember what I know to be true, to believe it, and lay hold of it with all of my emotions and energies and thoughts and actions.

Because it’s one thing to believe something. It’s another thing to actually live it out. For that? We really require help—the present means of grace. The Body (the Church). The Holy Spirit. The Living, Active Word of God. Our baptism. The Lord’s Supper.

Friends.

Ahhh, friends. They don’t just “happen,” do they? Friendship, real relationship, takes time and effort. Vulnerability. An investment.

I’m always amazed when someone is willing to be my friend! To sit across from this godly young woman and learn with her? To enjoy her gifts and mind and passions? To help bear her burdens and have the privilege of praying for her? All while I know she is praying for me too? What an honor.

Especially when you consider that I just told her a bunch of my JUNK and she didn’t go running from the room in abject terror or disgust. No. Our casual acquaintanceship / sister in Christ / member of the same church but don’t really know each other relationship took one little step toward a genuine relationship. And I’m grateful. Very grateful.

And all throughout this day, when I was tempted for really no reason at all—tired, frustrated, a little scared by the size of some tasks before me—I was just a little quicker to repent. I prayed just a little more. I sang a hymn. I remembered truth:

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16

Mmmmmmmmm ....

I’m praying that as you go throughout your day today, you will boldly approach the throne of grace with confidence!
And that you will do so with even just one or two authentic friends around you.

We’re not meant to be alone!
We are created for fellowship—with God and with neighbor.

Time to cuddle with my little snuggle bear while she enjoys her afternoon nap.

Blessings,
Tara B.

Hey Anita!

You beat the (incredibly low ) odds and won the prize in our giveaway.

Drop me an email (or fb if that’s easier for you) and let me know what book/resource you’d like, confirm your mailing address, and I’ll do everything I can to get it right off to you.

Love to you and your entire wonderful family—
Tara B.

(I love digging through sermon notes and re-reading books to prep for new teachings! Well, not really new. Nothing new to be said unless it’s heresy, I’m sure. But it’s fun to prep. Here’s an oldy but a goody from the brilliant Paige Benton Brown ...)

"The problem is not that we need more. The problem is that we don’t know what we already have."

Amen and preach it, sister.

"Are you too bad to receive grace? Grace woos and comforts us when we think we are too far gone to be rescued. How could you be too bad to receive what is for the bad?" – David Powlison

How fun!

The world’s cutest webmaster-turned-communications-director, Fred Barthel, was interviewed on Challies.com:

Meet the Ministries - Peacemaker Ministries

I know my blog has to be in the running for one of the top LURKER-LADEN blogs. Ever.

(I know this because of the thousands of hits I regularly and consistently get. But my readers are apparently a quiet bunch, not prone to prattling on as it were.)

And even when I give away great Peacemaker Resources (like the brand new $149 Leadership Opportunity), I usually only have 30 or so entries.

But for my current giveaway (that ends tomorrow), I only have FIVE entries. Five. And I don’t mind, no siree. Especially because I know all five entries. (Hi friends!)

Still ... if you’d like a chance for me to send YOU (or someone you love—a missionary? pastor? friend?) ANY one item from the Peacemaker Ministries Bookstore EXCEPT the $199 Peacemaking Church Box or the combo church box/leadership opportunity, all you have to do is:

Leave a Comment HERE by 5:00PM (Mtn) Wednesday 1/20

Hope you’ll join in the fun!

Happily,
Tara B.

I asked Fred this morning what projects he would be working on today so that the girls and I could be praying for him. And he replied that he had to edit a “meet the ministry” article that Tim Challies is doing on his blog about Peacemaker Ministries. Apparently it’s too long. So, of course, I had to say my favorite Mark Twain quote:

"I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time."

And then HE (Fred, not Mark Twain. Or Tim Challies.) countered with one of his favorite Mark Twain quotes:

"Substitute “d*mn” every time you’re inclined to write “very”; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

(Blush. Deacon Barthel!)

But of course he’s right. (Mark Twain that is.) I try to be very diligent about not using very. My AP English teacher, the inimitable Dr. Charmian Poe, (tried to) cure me of using “very,” misusing “that” and “which,” and (I was in the 12th grade before I knew the difference!), misusing “its” and “it’s.”

I guess you loyal blog readers know how well I’m accomplishing these goals.

Blessings on your Monday,
Tara B.

A blessed Martin Luther King Day to you all!

If you’ve never actually HEARD his most famous message, I encourage you to click on through and take a few minutes to listen:



Reading is great. But some things you just need to hear.

Talking (in age appropriate ways) with Sophia about the horrific evils of slavery and racism and Jim Crow laws is necessary. (Because we simply cannot read “Little House on the Prairie” or talk about history in any realistic way without addressing this terrible part of our wonderful country’s history.)

Heroes of the Civil Rights Movement? It is my hope that she will know them, know their writings and preaching and music—and live every day of her life mindful of the fact that every single human being is created in God’s image with a soul that will last forever.

I’ll never forget the first time I heard the phrase “A Charge to Keep Have We”. (I had no idea what it meant and I was a Christian! In grad school. Errrrr. I cringe at this.) That was around the first time I ever sang “We Shall Overcome” in a group wherein I was in the minority based on my skin color.

Oh, that Dr. King’s prayer would be fulfilled:

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.’"

Time to watch the speech with Fred and Sophie now ...

Blessings,
Tara B.

It was so strange how this feeling of hopelessness regarding my marriage jumped on me this past weekend.

Fred and I weren’t fighting. We were, in fact, doing the opposite—you could see us both working hard to find ways to serve and bless the other person.

We weren’t mad at each other. We weren’t, in fact, mad at anyone or anything.

Life wasn’t particularly stressful. Nothing huge was going on.

And yet we kept MISSING each other. Do you ever have that in any of your relationships? You’re trying. They’re trying. But somehow, something you meant as encouraging is misinterpreted as a criticism. They think you’re frustrated or annoyed with them (when you’re not) and then you BECOME frustrated AND annoyed in response to how THEY responded to your (NON-) frustration and annoyance.

(Ergh.)

I woke up Sunday morning and thought:

"WHY OH WHY do we Christian conciliators ever even ATTEMPT to help people in conflict. If Fred and I, who aren’t even having a conflict (!!) can’t get along, what hope IS THERE for people who are really caught in a (years-long, decades-long) pattern of avoidance, attack, and misery in their relationship?"

Thankfully, by God’s grace alone, my next thought was a piece of counsel that I’ve heard Pastor Jason give in marriage mediations over and over (and OVER again)—including the time that Fred and I went to him for counseling two summers ago. He said:

"You’re right. There really isn’t any hope for your marriage in and of yourselves. You simply don’t have what you need to get through this. So what resources do you have that are BEYOND yourselves?"

And that was the thought that stuck with me as we went throughout our morning getting ready for church. “What resources do I have? What resources can I access? What are the means of grace for me RIGHT NOW in THIS situation?”

And when we were all heading out the door for church (with the girls wearing, incidentally, the Christmas dresses that Grandma Chris made them that never got to be worn during Christmas because of Sophie’s illness):



And Sophie ran to the bathroom with tummy distress and Fred encouraged me to go on to Sunday school and church and he would stay home with the girls? Well, I jumped on it. Because I was desperate to access the means of grace that would help me to remember TRUTH:

1. The preaching of the Word by our pastor. (Oh! How I needed to be fed.)

2. Corporate worship and prayer.

3. The sacrament of the Lord’s supper.

4. Encouraging friends who are truly suffering (far, far worse than anything I know).

5. Receiving the benediction. Having it wash over me.

5. Asking my elder and his wife to pray for me, for us.

And then heading home.

To a perfectly happy, no problems-ever marriage? No. But to my best friend and my beloved. The husband of my youth! The father of my children. The man that I truly do love.

Thank You, God, that you do not leave us as orphans. Thank You, God, that you do sustain us as we cast our burdens on You (Psalm 55:22). Thank You for fulfilling Your purpose for me (Psalm 57:2), for you truly do send out your steadfast love and faithfulness (Psalm 57:3).

Blessings on your week, dear blog friends!

Yours,
Tara B.

Worth the (quick) read (and very doable!):

Ten Prayers for the Sake of Orphans

And if you have just a few more minutes, you’ll enjoy:

The Manliness of Adoption

The girls and I were blessed to spend time recently with Grandma K. (an older woman in our church who—THANKS BE TO GOD!—has taken an interest in being our friend; not just my friend, but a real friend to Sophie and Ellie too).

We talked about a zillion things, but one conversation in particular had to do with the benefits of HUMBLY LISTENING rather than speaking.

We told stories about great men and women we have known through the years who were wise, biblically-astute, profound thinkers with extraordinary life experiences, who would sit in Bible studies, over fellowship meals, or in pretty much any setting and LISTEN. They never drew attention to themselves. In fact, they were gifted at drawing out OTHER people and then listening to their responses.

One man, in particular, I remember saying to me:

"Tara, you will never learn anything by talking."

Oh! How right he is. And how far I have to go in keeping my own prone-to-rattle-on (especially when I’m nervous) chattiness in check.

I was thinking about all of this when I read Pastor Anyabwile’s recent post:

A Full, Quick, Exact Man

wherein he quotes Carson quoting Francis Bacon:

"Reading maketh a full man; speaking maketh a quick man; writing maketh an exact man."

Working with Cap'n Dave on this current book project simply makes me shake in my Keds because Dave is a man who, as far as I can tell, never has a misplaced word in writing OR in speaking. Talk about exact.

Yeep! Can’t believe he partnered with me on this project. Talk about yin and yang. It’ll be interesting to see how things go.

(I keep thinking, “For Narnia and the North!” because we really are a bunch o' Narniacs around here.)

But I guess I really mean—

SDG,
Tara B.

I’m smiling for many reasons right now.

Ella is cooing and giggling next to me (and chewing on her toes).

Fred, Sophie, Ella and I all enjoyed a slow, quiet morning with lots of cuddling and fun conversations. (For example, Soph read on her calendar yesterday that apparently some queen was ALSO born on my birthday, June 8, so I had to break the news to her that, you know, the queen is actually ME. I’ve been in hiding my entire life (to protect me from the dragon who ate my family and who wants to eat me), but I’m actually a real-life queen. You should’ve seen her face in response. Classic. Then, too soon of course, came her, “Mom? Is this TRUTH or FICTION?”)

And thanks to a google hit on Peacemaking Women, I discovered Jenn’s The Simple Life and I’m looking forward to poking around her substantive posts and links one of these days. But she also had a photo on a recent post that just made me smile:



I made good progress yesterday working on the content for the custom leadership training I’m giving in South Carolina in a couple of weeks. And I found out that the PCA women’s retreat I’m doing that same weekend is nearing 200 registrants—which was beyond what the event host had initially planned for—so that’s exciting and we’re all looking forward to serving those dear women.

Ella apparently rolled ALL the way over yesterday. But to quote Sophie, “Only God and Sophie saw her do it.” That’s good enough for me (like Lucy in LWW, Soph is not known to tell untruths), so I marked it in Ella’s baby book.

Fred is getting very close to buying me a new laptop. Like dog years, my current one is like 100 years old in laptop years and WOW! I could get a lot more done a lot faster if I didn’t have to sit and wait and wait and WAIT (and deal with crashes) so often. (I have to think that Fred’s, “Does it always take this long?” when he had to use my laptop the other day might’ve been just the impetus we needed to push us into spending the money we’ve been saving and saving towards a new computer.)

I was harsh with Sophie yesterday afternoon. (Exhausted, yes. In pain, yes. An excuse for being impolite to my own daughter? NOPE.) And when I apologized and asked her forgiveness, she readily gave it.

And that’s pretty much the news from Lake Woebegone. I’m trusting you can see why I’m smiling.

Hope your weekend is a blessed one—

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Mid-morning UPDATE ...

Fred and Sophie just walked across our alley to the little coffee shop and brought me back a cup of real coffee and a scone (and a muffin for Soph). Ellie is sleeping on my chest. And here I sit avec coffee and scone. Mmmmmmm ... How could I have been so stressed out and overwhelmed just a few hours ago? Thank You, God, for time in Your Word, prayer, and a quiet morning with family. Just what the Good Physician ordered.

No. This isn’t some deep theological post on complementarianism. It’s actually just some thoughts I had this morning that made me laugh to myself and I thought you might enjoy too ...

HOW A GUY (let’s call him Ted) MAKES A BABY BOTTLE
- Go to the kitchen.
- Wash hands.
- Make bottle.
- Give milkies to baby.

HOW A GAL (let’s call her Lara) MAKES A BABY BOTTLE
- Go to the kitchen.
- See that we don’t have multiple bottles of water in reserve. Go to basement to get more water. See that receipts need filing in basement office and there is laundry to throw in. File receipts. Start load of laundry. Grab bottles of water and head back upstairs.
- See mittens, scarves, and boots on back landing. Set down water bottles. Put clothing away in front closet. See pillows needing straightening in living room. And books. And baby toys. Do a quick touch up of living room. Since arms are full of stuff to put away anyway, grab things from dining room too. Run (or limp if you’ve just had knee surgery) downstairs again to put away stuff and upstairs to put away stuff.
- Think of three things for the shopping list. Add to list. Make list of school goals for six year old for the morning and list of to-do’s for babysitter later in day. Water plants. Fill dog dish with water. See dust in bathroom and think, “I could take care of that with just ONE Windex’d paper towel.” Quickly wipe down mirror and shelf in bathroom.
- Finally back in the kitchen? Wash hands.
- Make bottle.
- Give milkies to baby.

I would appreciate your prayers today and next week as I am working on content development—for three speaking events that require new content and for a writing project.

I don’t know how it is for other people, but for me? I pray before I accept a project and then I pray a lot during the development stage and (of course) when rolling it out.

I research. I read, seek counsel, take notes.

I think. I really do! (Even though those of you who know me in real life may question my ability to think any more. My brain is SO slow and SO sluggish these days.) When I’m working on a big task, I find myself thinking about the certain topic in the shower, in the nighttime, while driving around town, while waiting in a waiting room.

I actually like the thinking phase related to working hard on a project. It’s encouraging to me and truly pleasant to know that somehow my brain/heart/soul (wonder what the right term is for it?) is churning through something and really trying to come up with some sort of resolution.

Well, today is resolution day. I have a short amount of time to make a lot of forward progress. And there’s nothing like a deadline to make things happen.

From blank screen to SOMETHING by noon. This is my prayer.

Thanks, all! Hope you have a lovely day—

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Just a little shout out of congratulations to Barbara and Maddy Curtis (and the entire Curtis family) for Maddy’s (apparently) wonderful debut on American Idol last night. I don’t watch the show, but I do check in on Barbara’s blog periodically and I have always been greatly edified by her posts about Maddy and her (four!) beloved brothers with Downs Syndrome. Way to use your gifts, Maddy, with humility, poise, and grace!

Wow. I want to be like this young man and raise my girls to be like him too.

(We’re talking a lot these days about being a gracious winner and a gracious loser re: board games because OH MY STARS! I was such a spoiled little poor loser BRAT as a kid. Soph never tires of hearing stories about what a wretched little lying, mean kid I used to be. )

Oh, I cringed a bit when I saw this post from pastor Thabiti Anyabwile:

The New IX Marks eJournal: Liberalism

I remember so clearly back in my undergrad years, the first conversations I had, the first books I read, the first sermons I ever heard that claimed to be “Christian,” but defined Christian in such a radically different way than I had ever heard before that I literally gasped. And grieved.

Then I learned more and more about systematic theology and and church history and, well, I gasped. And grieved.

Read and learn.
Read and pray!

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
And just because I am, apparently, unable to have a blog post these days that doesn’t like to something off of Challies.com, and I don’t want to only mention something hard/deep to start your day ...

I encourage you to check this out if you’d like to start your day with a chuckle:

Top Fifteen Signs Your Sermon Isn’t Going Well

And this pithy summary from TakeYourVitaminZ of what I have to say I would LOVE to see people adopt in internet exchanges:

Top 5 Ways to Lose (and Win!) an Argument Online

This morning I heard words that a person, well, really never wants to hear. Especially after having JUST brushed her teeth:

"Uh? Mom? The bathroom cup fell in the TOILET last night."

(Yes. The one you just used to rinse with.)

"But don’t worry. I rinsed it out with water."

(Oh. Great.)

Time to have a little chat about what we do when things fall in the toilet ...

If you’re in the mood to have some fun, I encourage you to teach a small class of six year-olds about Ancient Greece and what a democratic form of government means. THEN, have your students learn how to propose a law (to their fellow “citizens”), debate potential amendments to the law, and then take a vote. (The “AYS” have it!)

I had an absolute blast.

As I mentioned to Fred this morning (after a great discussion with Sophie about what I have to assume is one of the most famous uses of the G.P. (Grand Pause) in classical music: Mendelssohn’s Elijah):

"Sophie will never learn about what kind of flower or plant something is from me. I neither care about nor know what kind of bird a certain bird is. And of course, I doubt she’ll really learn any great cooking from me. Ever. But we sure have some FUN conversations about MUSIC and LAW."

It’s true!

Later in the morning (as we were cuddling in bed, playing with Ella and going through our schoolwork), we had another great discussion about the distinctions between federal and state law. And then I told her that there are actually local/city laws/ordinances too. To which she replied, "Cool!"

Well said, lovie bug. Well said.

Hope your Monday was a great one!

G'nite,
Tara B.

Wow. Only TWO entries to my current WIN FREE STUFF giveaway? Seriously?

Good job, Anita & Deb, telling me about Gospel Relationships in your churches because WOW! a 50% chance of winning. Ya gotta like those odds.

But maybe a few more people will leave a comment here and enter our family’s current WIN FREE STUFF giveaway. I really hope so. Not because I want your odds to be longer, dear friends, but just because I was REALLY looking forward to learning from my 1,000+/week lurkers as to how gracious, winsome, loving, patient, forgiving, forbearing relationships (gospel relationships!) are developed, nurtured, and maintained in various churches.

I have to be honest. Maybe it’s just my exhaustion and pain levels talking, but the dark-Tara-side-of-me is wondering WHY so many of us can so quickly and easily describe common church CONFLICTS. But it’s harder for us to describe grace in our churches.

(Kind of reminds me of the survey I did years ago on relationships among women in churches and for over a YEAR, not one respondent described the relationships among women in her church as “grace-based/gospel relationships.” Then, finally, I received ONE respondent who described them that way. This was out of hundreds.)

Anyway, I’m hoping it’s just because my blog readers like to lurk and never post comments. No problem for me. I just keep chugging along.

But if you’d like to win your choice of pretty much ANY resources off of the Peacemaker Ministries website ("pretty much" meaning any except for two because our family just couldn’t quite stretch to reach the $199 and $319 resources. Yeep!):

Please Leave a Comment Here and Enter Today

Thanks, friends!
(And yes, you can be a friend and be a lurker. )

Yours,
Tara B.

Hmmmmm ... in looking back over the past few days, I realize that I am apparently just a Challies.com parrot. Not a bad thing to be, especially when you’re crazy busy and haven’t made time to blog.

But rather than reading my summaries of his (great) blog, why not check him out for yourself?

Challies.com

Don’t watch this unless you want to cry—especially if you are a marching band geek and/or prone to fall in love with marching band geeks.



(HT: Challies)

Tim Challies posted this Robert Frost poem a few days ago:

"When a friend calls to me from the road
And slows his horse to a meaning walk,
I don’t stand still and look around
On all the hills I haven’t hoed,
And shout from where I am, What is it?
No, not as there is a time to talk.
I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,
Blade-end up and five feet tall,
And plod: I go up to the stone wall
For a friendly visit."

Mmmmmmmmm ...

Don’t you just love the way poets capture real life at such a deep, resonant level? I have to say, adding in the discipline of reading poetry every day has been one of my favorite things about life with a six year-old. She loves poetry! And I am so edified by the poems we read and discuss (and laugh and cry over) together.

Plus, don’t you just love it when a friend, a true friend, thrusts the hoe into the ground (sets the laptop to the side, puts down the crackberry, takes off the bluetooth) and visits. Really visits.

Mmmmmmmmm ... thank God for friends!
And thank God for poetry.

Yours,
Tara B.

Real artists (like poets) touch the soul, don’t they?

Challies also posted a link to this video:



The description reads:

"Kseniya Simonova is a Ukrainian artist who just won Ukraine’s version of “America’s Got Talent.” She uses a giant light box, dramatic music, imagination and “sand painting” skills to interpret Germany’s invasion and occupation of Ukraine during WWII."

I guess that’s technically accurate, but it doesn’t come close to describing how remarkable this video is. Watching her work reminds me of the times I’ve been blessed to sit and watch our friend Taylor Lynde paint.

Don’t you just love how God enriches us through the gifts of artists? And poets. Musicians. (Fred and I were mere FEET away from Yo Yo Ma on stage at Orchestra Hall when he performed the Bach Cello Suites.) Authors. Great dancers. (One of my dearest friends in life once took me to see Baryshnikov dance. And to hear Kathleen Battle sing! Such a friend.) Sculptors. (This video reminds me of a time I saw an artist sculpt a dancer at the Art Institute of Chicago. A lump of clay became the woman standing before us! It was astounding.) Architects. (I still have goosebumps when I think of the time my friend showed me his “sacred space” architectural drawings. How can an engineer’s brain be so artistic too?)

Little glimmers of Heaven. Little wisps of that which is good and true and lovely and pure and admirable.

Thank You, Lord, for artists.

Your friend,
Tara B.

Thanks for all of the (very descriptive!) ideas re: church conflict. Now I’d like to ask you:

What do GOSPEL relationships look like in your church?

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?

- You blow it; really blow it. And your friend forgives you and STILL wants to be your friend.

- The one older woman in your church who just radiates calm, gentle, merciful love. She truly, actually, really does care about you!

- You’re a woman with a strong personality. People are often frightened by you; you overwhelm them. But then ... but then ... one godly, faithful, forgiving person (man or woman) doesn’t give up on you. Doesn’t just judge you and reject you. Doesn’t run away; but instead moves toward you and helps you to change through redemptive confrontation, instruction, and discipleship.

- A men’s accountability group that is REAL. Pastors who are humble and lead from their weakness. Children learning what real forgiveness is and modeling it in their relationships.

I could go on and on ... but I’d really rather hear from YOU.

And to entice you? Let’s start the new year with another BARTHEL FAMILY SUPER FUN WIN FREE (BIBLICAL & PRACTICAL!) STUFF GIVEAWAY. Here are the specs:

1. Leave a comment on this post by 5:00PM (MTN) Wednesday, January 20 describing what gospel relationships look like in your church (and please tell us HOW they grow and are maintained in your church); and

2. Be sure that I have some sort of way for me to contact you or check back by noon on Thursday, January 21. (If I can’t reach you, I’m going to pick another winner.)

I will use a random number generator to select one winner and as your prize you can choose ANY one item from the Peacemaker Ministries Bookstore EXCEPT the $199 Peacemaking Church Box or the combo church box/leadership opportunity. (Sorry that our family just can’t swing those resources as giveaways. But the $149 Leadership Opportunity and the $99 Small Group resources ARE included.)

Hope you’ll participate and tell a friend too! I love to give stuff away.

Blessings to you and yours!
– Tara B.

PS
Did you know that you can now get Spanish, French, and even CHINESE versions of Peacemaker Resources? Those are included in the giveaway too—so maybe you have friends overseas or a missionary that you’d like to bless with a peacemaking resource. Be sure to enter!

PPS
The project I’m working on, Martha, has to do with church conflict and gospel relationships in churches.

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen this much snow drop in one day.



(Not 1978, record-breaking-win me the Chicago Tribune SNOW SQUAD award for delivering papers in a BLIZZARD-levels of snow. But lots of snow nonetheless.)

I even had to ask our friend if she would (pretty please) pick us up and drop us off for co-op because a) our Honda would never even make it out of driveway; and b) it’s hard enough to gimp along on a crutch on snow and ice—it’s impossible to do so while carrying a baby in a car seat. I called her our very own personal Yellowstone Snow Coach.



How grateful I am that we can do almost all of our schooling in bed. In our PJ’s. With my knee elevated. Snug as little bugs in a rug.



In addition to my home duties, I’m trying very hard to make some big deadlines this week re: 2010 events and my current book project. So any prayers you’d care to make on my behalf would, as always, be appreciated.

Hope you are doing well!

Yours,
Tara B.

So, hypothetically, if you were working on a project related to churches and conflict, what topics would you FOR SURE need to cover/include?

Specifically ... what conflicts do you see coming up over and over and OVER again in churches, let’s say, you’ve HEARD about. You know. Down the street a bit. Not YOUR church, of course, but a church that someone you KNOW goes to.

(Feel free to email me directly if you prefer to keep things just between the two of us. )

Thanks for your help, friends!

Yours,
Tara B.

I was so happy when we finished our 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle earlier today. Doing so felt like we really wrapped up our fun, vacation, holiday time and set us on a good course to get back into the groove of real life come Monday morning.

As we plowed through the (terribly difficult! practically identical! tempted us to give up!) final tree branch pieces (the pieces, by the way, that I saw swimming through my mind’s eye as I tried to go to sleep), I thought to myself, "WHY do we do puzzles?!" I mean, there’s no practical gain to completing a puzzle. We complete it and then we tear it down.

So why do we do puzzles?

These are the answers I came up with:

- Puzzles are fun. It’s very satisfying to persevere and make progress and (finally!) put those last few pieces in place.

- Puzzles are hard. We always say, “Anything worth doing takes effort.” And puzzles take effort. When you look at those 1,000 tiny pieces and think about steadily moving toward completion, it really seems like an impossible task. So it’s all the more satisfying to actually reach the goal.

- We get to talk and interact and work as a team when we do puzzles. It’s really great to have something that takes a little bit of effort and focus AND allows for conversation, breaks whenever you’d like, AND that satisfying cheer of, “Great job!” when someone puts together an area that only a few hours earlier seemed like it would never come together.

- You get to ORGANIZE when you do puzzles. Mmmmmm. That’s my job and I love it. It’s FUN to go through the pieces and find all of the edges; and then to pick out the first identifiable areas to tackle and find those pieces (the fence, the hopscotch and sidewalk, the windows). I like figuring out the categories that help and then sorting by “only blue on the tip” and “only brown on the tip” and “pure green”.

- In order to do difficult puzzles, you have to be able to search out and identify tiny, minuscule differences; but you also have keep the WHOLE in mind too. Puzzles are great for careful observation (color, size, pattern) and for learning how to communicate what you see. (If you would like people to search in their area for a certain piece, you have to be able to describe it: “Standard shape, solid brown on one arm, opposite arm probably has leaves. Legs are skinnier than usual.”)

- Puzzles encourage perseverance because if it’s a puzzle worth its salt, you’re going to feel like giving up at some point. But that’s when you have to buckle down and push through! And it’s a great thing to learn to persevere as a family.

- You get to listen to great music while you do puzzles and sing along to lots of musicals too.

I suppose I could try to come up with other reasons, too. But those are the ones that come quickly to mind.

Thanks for letting me process this with you. I was thinking about it, too, because Sophie discovered a video game on her Ipod and enjoyed it (with Fred’s permission) for a few days before I realized what was going on. (I was pretty out of it on surgery day and post-op-plus-one-day). Once I realized that she was becoming quickly hooked on a video game, I had a quick chat with Fred to remind him about some of my concerns—which he agreed with once he remembered our earlier conversations about video games.

(Like me, Sophie has an incredibly “addictive”—passionate, compulsive, intensely focused—personality and mind. And we just think that at her young age, it’s best to limit “screen time” in any format and then gradually introduce things to her over time as she grows up. We’d just much rather have her enjoying those special “Wii” moments as special treats at Aunt Kali and Uncle Fred’s, but have normal life be mostly in the “real world” of actually manipulating real objects in real space. At least for now, anyway, that’s what we’re thinking.)

So that’s pretty much the scoop on the Barthels and puzzles.

Hope you have a blessed week!

Yours,
Tara B.

Our family’s use of hypotheticals in parenting stepped up a notch this week when one night, Sophie and I were cuddling in bed and I came up with this scenario:

"Soph, hypothetically, if you and Ella were older, say, she was 7 and you were 12, and you were lying there in the dark in your big-girl beds, and you SAW her turn her Ipod on and start listening to it even though you KNEW that she had lost the privilege of using her Ipod earlier in the day due to a discipline situation. What would you do?"

I was really curious as to how she would respond—and I have to say, it was a truly insightful (and delightful) window into my daughter’s heart as I heard her counsel her younger sister.

I didn’t take any notes on her reply, so this is all just from memory, but I think her counsel went something like this. (With me playing the part of Ella responding to her.)

"Ella. What are you doing?"
“Nothing.”

“Are you playing with your Ipod?”
“Yeah.”

“Didn’t your Ipod go into Toy Prison today? Aren’t you not allowed to listen to it for one week?”
“I guess. But mom and dad are downstairs. They won’t even know.”

“Ella. I love you. And I will always love you. But what you are doing is wrong and I bet you know it’s wrong too. Isn’t that why you’re hiding right now? Ella, what commandment are you breaking when you disobey mom and dad like this? And what commandment are you breaking when you lie about it too?”
(Discussion of commandments.)

“Ella, God is calling you to turn away from your sin.”
“I don’t want to get in trouble.”

“All discipline is hard! But it’s better to confess and just get the discipline OVER with! And then you can move on with a clean heart and a fresh start. God says that He is faithful and just and will forgive you. And mom and dad will always forgive you too.”
“I’m scared. Mom and dad are going to be really mad. Maybe I can just sneak it back into their room/Toy Prison and they won’t even know.”

“You could do that, Ella. But you would STILL need to confess to them so that your relationship would be reconciled. PLUS, if you DON’T confess to them, then you are really setting a PATTERN for your life; you’re going to be training your HEART to think you can lie and get away with it. And do you want to grow up to be a woman who is a liar? Who can’t be trusted? Don’t you want to go SCUBA diving one day? SCUBA divers have to be trustworthy or else it’s not safe for your dive buddy. Which do you want to grow up to be—a liar or someone who tells the truth?”
“I guess, the truth. But does this one little thing really matter that much?”

“Ella, this tiny little decision you’re making now is putting you on a path—either of righteousness or of sin; life or death. Choose life! I’ll help you, if you’d like. We can go downstairs and talk it through with mom and dad right now.”
“Oh. OK. I guess that’s what we should do.”

Then Sophie wanted me to play out the entire hypothetical of going downstairs and talking with Fred and me, having a discipline, being reconciled, etc. It was great.

I am really looking forward to more hypotheticals involving two girls talking in the dark, processing life through the grid of the gospel. I love getting to know Sophia this way. And I’m just so grateful that when she thinks about God and she thinks about her sin, she quickly brings to mind this truth:

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Blessings to you and yours—
Tara B.

Soph and Fred had a nice trip to the Mall to buy our 2010 family calendars at 50% off:



We recorded a movie of Sophie telling the Christmas Story (a family tradition since she was two years old):



We’re ALMOST done with our first 1,000 piece family puzzle:



And I limped around boxes and storage tubs (while Fred did all of the really hard work!) so that everything is packed away. But not without one more Santa Hat Photo of the girls (per Sophie’s request).



(Lilikoi was so helpful.)

All while listening to Lake Wobegon’s “Church People” and interspersed with family cuddle time in bed while Fred reads us, "Pippi Longstocking."

Hope your day was a good combination of diligence and rest, too.

With love from the entire Barthel fam,
Tara B.