considerable grace

Wow. This video amazes me.

Talk about not being baited by a personal attack.
Talk about charitable presumptions.

A gentle answer really does turn away wrath.
What graciousness!

(Thanks, Melodee, for the link.)

The website for the 2010 Peacemaker Ministries Conference is now live:

2010 Peacemaker Conference — Forgiveness
September 16-19 in Washington D.C.

Hope you can make plans to attend! Steady Freddy B. will be there ...

"For God alone my soul waits in silence;
from him comes my salvation.

He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."

HT to TakeYourVitaminZ for linking over to this JD Greear article:

What Advice Do You Have for a Newlywed Husband?

It’s strongly written—I would have said some of the things differently. Still, it’s worth the read—and not just for newlyweds.

Thanks to IX Marks for the links, here are some posts from a pastor on the “bleatings from the sheep” that you should not miss:

1. I Did Not Pray for Six Months After Your Sermon on Prayer

2. People are Slow to Change

3. My People Were Living Under a Burden of Being Disappointing to Me

4. People are Weak – And Some of Us Are Pitifully Weak

My view during the general sessions has been like this:



Because I’ve tried really hard to tuck into a back wall (and hopefully not annoy people!) while I’ve been LiveBlogging the PCA Women’s Leadership Conference.

It’s been very fun to interact with you all on the LiveBlogs, but I should warn you that I think I’m done for this conference. I was going to try to LiveBlog the dinner tonight, but it’s a formal affair and I think I would be too obtrusive no matter how behind-the-scenes I tried to be. And I can’t LiveBlog the final plenary session because, well, I’m the speaker.

So hopefully you will enjoy my notes from Dr. Barrs even without the final session.

I just finished my first workshop—the women were amazing! But I just wish I had done a better job serving them. Scheduled length was short to begin with and then things ahead of the workshops ran long. Plus no microphone (and you know how fast I talk—SUCH a weakness!).

But I am praying that God will take my sow’s ear efforts and sew a silk purse. Oh, how I am praying.

And I did get to give away a bunch of free resources (thanks, Fred, for funding free stuff for the women!), so that’s always fun.

One more workshop to teach this afternoon ("Help! Our Women’s Ministries Fall Apart Once the People Get Involved!") and then we’re off into the evening.

Hope your Friday is going well.

Yours,
Tara B.

PS
Fred thought the girls looked particularly sweet this morning, so he snapped a quick photo on his cell phone to send me an early-morning lovie:



Nice guy, that Fred.

This is a fascinating video—not just for runners. Although, if you are a runner, I would DEFINITELY watch it.



(Don’t you just love learning new stuff from smart people? I particularly enjoyed how the second professor explained things by using a pen. If you can make science and math and engineering and bio-mechanics understandable to me? Well, you’re a great teacher.)

Want to know a sure-fire way to be overwhelmed with the feeling of gratitude?

Introduce yourself to a man in a U.S. military uniform in an elevator in order to thank him for his service. Then learn that he is just back from overseas where he served as a member of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Disaster Mortuary Personnel in Haiti.

Yup. I’m a grateful woman, reminded again just how many people (and their families) are sacrificing greatly so that our federal employees and military personnel can serve those in greatest peril and need around the world.

Welcome home, sir. Thank you for your service. I can’t even imagine what you have just seen. Thank you for being a part of helping in the midst of horror.

Gratefully,
Tara B.

If you’ve never participated in a live blog before, I encourage you to check back at 1:00 (EST), jump in, and give it a try!

As I set the scene for you and transcribe the event, you can send me questions, make observations, or just pop in and say “Hi!”

Blessings to you,
Tara B.

Tim Challies wrote a great post this morning about the benefits and blessings that come from expository preaching. He tittled the post after a Josh Harris quote:

"Once you’re exposed to [doctrine], you see the richness in it for your own soul, and you’re ruined for anything else."

How right he is.

I think that is one of the reasons why I am, in general, such a women’s event skeptic — yet such a happy, grateful participant when it comes to the annual PCA CE&P Women’s Leadership Conference. Rather than only having interesting, helpful, entertaining, topical “teachings” — (like so many women’s conferences) — the CE&P always blesses us with rich, Christ-exalting preaching by our ordained pastors and theologians.

I’ve learned from great men like Bryan Chapell and Ligon Duncan here. (I’m even subscribing to Dr. Duncan’s podcast sermons now. Whooo hooo! Tackling those mp3/iPod fears head on.) And I’m looking forward to taking lots of notes from Jerram Barrs this weekend.

Plus, of course, the women who teach here (present company excluded) are off the chart brilliant, experienced, wise, educated, humble, and truly insightful as they help us all to grow in grace. I always leave this conference encouraged. And, I always leave this conference motivated and equipped to better love and serve—God, my family, my church, my community—the world.

I’m obviously grateful to be here. And I want to encourage you to attend this conference in the coming years if you ever have a chance to do so.

I’ll give Tim Challies the last word on all of these ideas:

"I once went on a weekend men’s retreat that featured teaching from several local pastors. We heard some interesting messages about serving our wives, about being men of integrity and so on. We had joyful times of worship and lots of time to blow each other away with paintball guns.

The thing that has remained in my mind, though, was one of the sermons delivered that weekend.

While we had received a steady diet of topical sermons, one of the pastors stood and delivered what was, in effect, a biblically-grounded expository message. He simply opened up the Bible and explained to us what it meant and how we could apply it to our lives. He gave us real doctrine—true meat instead of mere milk.

As we walked from the meeting room to our cabins I could tell there was a buzz running through the crowd of men. They had enjoyed the sermon and had been electrified by it. But they had no category for it. I heard comments like, “I don’t know what that was, but it was amazing! I wish we could hear more teaching like that!” I sat with a small group of men a few minutes later and introduced to them the concept of expositional preaching. Most had never heard of any such thing; neither had they ever enjoyed a sermon like it ...

I saw this time and time again. The church was so good at bringing people in through the front doors. They would come in and very often would be saved. Many people were drawn in, became believers, and were baptized. But often they would not last at the church too long.

Within a few months or a couple of years they would often step right out the back door. Few left the church and left the faith altogether. Rather, they would leave and head for churches where there was teaching that was more biblical. They would head for churches where the Word was the main thing. They would be drawn to stronger, more biblical teaching, even when they did not know how to express what they needed or what they longed for. Eventually they would find it."

Oh! How I thank God for our pastors who faithfully exposit Scripture week after week (after week after week). Thank God for the meat of the Word! Thank God for pastors who feed their sheep.

Off into a busy day now—

Joy to you,
Tara B.

My friend and I were just talking about the 2010 CCEF Conference: Marriage—One for Better and Worse. Her husband will be a speaker there and boy! I sure do wish we had the funds to attend.

If there is any chance you can make it, I strongly urge you to start saving now and GO.

Here is a little conference preview video to further tempt you:

Well ... apparently I have an inappropriately strong (idolatrous) desire that my family NOT be woken up at 6AM by taxi drivers.

I know this because Fred and I tried something new this morning ... we gave the ol' Billings “taxicab” service (and I use those quotation marks intentionally!) a try so that the entire family wouldn’t have to wake up at 5:45AM to take me to the airport.

(We were particularly concerned about sweet Ellie because she was cookin' with a fever around 101 or 102 after her six-month old shots, poor love.)

Of course, in my (careful? organized? controlling? OCD?) way, I even called the taxi company last night just to BE SURE that no driver would ring a doorbell or knock loudly on a door at 6AM. “Oh, no! We would never do that!”

Uh-huh. OK. Sure.

So why did my pitch-black silent house suddenly fill with a barking dog, crying baby, and bleary-eyed six year-old in response to not ONLY the doorbell being rung (repeatedly!) but also some seriously loud BANGING? Oh, and this wasn’t even at the time I was supposed to be ready (because I would’ve been watching the door). Oh no. This was TEN minutes early (!!).

Nice.

Well ... whatever the management problems of this business are (and there appear to be many because in addition to our little challenging start to the day, there was a none-too-pleased businessman in the front seat of my cab who had reserved a ride directly to the airport fifteen minutes BEFORE my time and wasn’t that happy to find himself waiting in some woman’s driveway and sharing the ride) ... the REAL problem in this situation was my HEART.

I was very, VERY upset.

Fred? The one left at home, having to deal with the crying baby and tired six year-old? He was gracious and kind and immediately said, “Don’t worry about it, Tara.” (I felt AWFUL that everyone was woken up because of me! Especially because I REALLY did everything I could to have that exact thing NOT happen.)

Apparently, ol' Steady Freddy does not have an idolatrous heart about this issue.

But the good news in all of this is that I really did keep reminding myself that, yes, this situation revealed an ugly part of my heart and yes, I was called to repent. But also? That God is faithful and just to forgive me (again). That growth in grace is demonstrated not only in our avoiding temptation and NOT sinning ... but also in how QUICKLY we run back to God and cry out in faith, “Father! Please forgive me for Jesus' sake” when we do sin.

So even as I walked through multiple airports and sat on multiple flights, each time I was tempted to look only at myself (and thus, despair!), instead? I begged God to give me the grace to believe what He says is true–that He is the Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God. Slow to anger, He abounds in love and faithfulness and maintains love to even a wicked, rebellious, sinful woman like me (Exodus 34!).

Oh, alleluia and amen! May it be so. Thank You, God, that it is so.

Off to nighty-night now. Praying for the CE&P team as they do their final prep for this weekend’s conference. May Christ be lifted up and draw us to Himself!

G'nite and God bless,
Tara B.

If you are an attorney and/or a Certified Christian Conciliator, you might be interested in this continuing legal education program:

The Ethics of E-Discovery and Social Media

I read some fascinating articles on this topic when I caught up on my law journals on today’s flights.

TakeYourVitmainZ posted a great set of questions from Timmy Brister:

1. If our church would cease to exist in our city, would it be noticed and missed?

2. If all the pastors were tragically killed in a car accident, would the church’s ministry cease or fall apart?

3. If the only possible means of connecting with unbelievers were through the missionary living of our church members, how much would we grow? (I ask this because the early church did not have signs, websites, ads, marketing, etc.)

4. What are the subcultures within the church?  Do they attract or detract from the centrality of the gospel and mission of the church?

5. Is our church known more for what we are not/against than what we are/for?

6. What are we allowing to be our measuring stick of church health? (attendance vs. discipleship; seating capacity vs. sending capacity; gospel growth, training on mission, etc.)

7. Are the priorities of our church in line with the priorities of Christ’s kingdom?

8. If our members had 60 seconds to explain to an unbeliever what our church is like, what would you want them to say?  How many do you think are saying that?

9. If the invisible kingdom of God became visible in our city, what would that look like?

10. In what ways have we acted or planned in unbelief instead of faith?

In addition to our other readings, Sophia and I spend a little time each morning working through books in the “Character Building Christian Books for Children” series from Grace and Truth Books.

Yesterday, we finished:

Grace Raymond: Evil and Cure of a Passionate Temper

And I was particularly blessed, not only by our conversations about how a just God could forgive wretched sinners, and about when it is appropriate to partake of the Lord’s Supper (it’s one thing to memorize the catechism question and answer—it’s another thing to really process through it and think deeply about it, as this story helped us to do) ... but I was especially blessed when Sophie spontaneously said to me, "I just LOVE this book!"

Mmmmmm! Happy words to a Momma’s ears. Especially when you consider that these books were actually written in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries and they retain their original language and sentence structure.

Initially, just as I felt when I started reading poetry every day from The Oxford Book of Children’s Verse, I wondered if she would be able to understand this “old” language. But just like poetry, these stories have provided great opportunities for us to reflect on and talk deeply about many varied topics. And they are wonderful little “windows” into the hearts and lives of people throughout history—they struggled with the same sins we struggle with and their only hope (just like us!) is the gospel.

Reading poetry and “old books” has also helped us to remember that our lives are just a few decades in the scope of all of history—and that our Real Home is in Heaven to come. Plus, it’s really FUN.

One caveat I need to mention is that sometimes I “tweak” the content a bit to tighten up the theology / help make the gospel even more clear. And I must admit that I was a little reticent to try the books due to some endorsers (who raise yellow if not red flags for me). But I’m very glad to be working through them with Soph and I wanted to be sure to mention them to you.

Tomorrow we’re going to start Roses and Thorns. I’m looking forward to it.

Happy Tuesday to you!
– Tara B.

PS
If the title of this post immediately reminded you of what C.S. Lewis said in his Introduction to Athanasius On the Incarnation, Pastor Jollyblogger provides a great reminder/excerpt here.

Thanks, TakeYourVitaminZ, for letting us know that Outreach Magazine recently named Jerram Barrs’ Learning Evangelism from Jesus the book of the year in the evangelism category.

From Crossway Blog:

"The Outreach Resources of the Year is a celebration of the best books, DVDs and curricula produced to help the Church and Christians reach out in areas such as evangelism, compassionate service and cross-cultural ministries.

Congratulations to Dr. Barrs!

Barrs studied Jesus’ conversations with diverse people in his day and drew lessons and principles for attractively communicating the gospel to unbelievers in ours. While our culture may tempt God’s people to conform, retreat, or be silenced, Jesus exemplified how to attract people to the gospel. He modeled how to initiate spiritual conversations full of grace and truth. Christian evangelism, then, both in theory and practice, must be shaped by his pattern.

We invite you to read the sample chapter on Jesus and the Bible Teacher and consider getting a copy of his award winning resource."

Dr. Barrs is the founder and resident scholar of the Francis Schaeffer Institute at Covenant Theological Seminary in St. Louis, MO, where he is also Professor of Christian Studies and Contemporary Culture. He is also the keynote speaker at the 2010 Women in the Church Leadership Training Conference: Gospel Driven Discipleship where I am (gratefully) headed tomorrow.

I can’t wait to learn from him in person! And then, I’m sure, pick up this book, too.

Between Two Worlds linked to a great David Powlison article and I encourage you to check it out:

Desire 101: Putting First Things First

Just listen to a few of the questions that are asked (and answered):

- How can you tell if a desire is inordinate rather than natural?

- Doesn’t the word lusts properly apply only to bodily appetites: the pleasures and comforts of sex, food, drink, rest, exercise, health?

- Can desires be habitual?

- What about fears? They seem as important in human motivation as cravings.

- In counseling, do you just confront a person with his sinful cravings?

- Can you change what you want?

I was given this book at my January event in South Carolina and I was thinking about taking it to Georgia this week as airplane reading fodder:



Same Kind of Different As Me

After reading this blog entry from John Piper? I’m REALLY thinking I might take it with me.

I’d love to lose myself in a good book ...

(Oh, and the title of this blog post is a quote from the book.)

“For many women, even Christian women, the longing for a place where they belong causes restlessness and insecurity. But the redeemed woman, who has been strengthened in her inner being to know that God has made a place for her in His heart will sing with the psalmist, “Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations” (Psalm 90:1) …

She knows that her “adoption through Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 1:5) makes her part of God’s family. She has been rooted and grounded in love; so she rejoices in her historical and global connection to God’s children, and she understands that she lives out that connection locally in the church where God has called her to serve.

She may not have to risk her neck for her spiritual family, but she is willing to risk her comfort to love her husband and children, to spiritually mother other women, to defend her church family in prayer, to care for and support the weak and the needy and the fearful, to protect the reputation of church leadership by refraining from gossip and criticism, to rescue rebellious women, to comfort the grieving and the lonely.” Duncan & Hunt, Women’s Ministry in the Local Church

Thanks, HalfPintHouse, for introducing me to:

Faces in Places

Delightful!

We are gently beginning to introduce the word “no” to our sweet six month-old Ella.

Her most consistent “temptation” actually cracks Sophie and I up, so we’re going to have to work on keeping a stern countenance as we help her to understand that books are for reading, not for eating:



Ahhhhh, babies. What a huge amount of work—and a huge amount of worth it.

Recently, Bob Kauflin learned that his two year-old grandson had cancer—and then he had to lead worship just a few days later. He wrote an article about his experience here:

Leading in the Midst of Trials

This is just a tiny excerpt:

"I guess I could have struggled with the apparent dichotomy between my circumstances and the songs we were singing. Or ignored what my family was going through altogether and pretended that nothing was wrong. Or complained about how hard life is sometimes.
By God’s grace, I actually drew great comfort from God through the truths we sang. So after the first song, which is based on Psalm 150, I shared a few thoughts not only for the church, but for my own soul ..."

I jumped back online because Fred said he was sending me a picture from Red Lodge Mountain:



Sophie’s first time skiing! To quote her:

"This is FUN, Dad!"

Hooray and hooray! I’m just a little bummed that they couldn’t rent helmets there. (We thought we had researched all of the details re: rentals, but we blew that one.) So I’m praying for safety! But it sounds like they’re having a wonderful Daddy-Daughter day.

Hope your Friday is going well too—

Gratefully,
Tara B.

PS
Evening update ... everyone is home safe and sound. (And Fred is trying to figure out how in the world he is going to have the energy for a 3+ hour deacon meeting tonight. Poor guy!) Here are some more pics from the day ...

Thanks, TakeYourVitaminZ, for this Bonhoeffer quote:

"Only that fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it.

The sooner this shock of disillusionment comes to an individual and to a community the better for both.

A community which cannot bear and cannot survive such a crisis, which insists upon keeping its illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community."

No more illusions.
Real life. Real community.

Amen. May it be so.

From Jerry Bridges:

"Whatever Scriptures we use to assure us of God’s forgiveness, we must realize that whether the passage explicitly states it or not, the only basis for God’s forgiveness is the blood of Christ shed on the cross for us. As the writer of Hebrews said, “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins" (9:22), and the context makes it clear that it is Christ’s blood that provides the objective basis on which God forgives our sins."

And from God Himself:

"As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12)

“Blessed are those whose lawless deeds are forgiven, and whose sins are covered; blessed is the man against whom the Lord will not count his sin.” (Romans 4:7-8 )

“I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” (Isaiah 43:25)

And now ... with those truths to comfort, strengthen, and encourage me ... offline and off into my day.

Happy Friday to you,
Tara B.

I didn’t sleep last night so now I am going through my day with that horrible fuzzy-brained, eye-burning sensation that still reminds me of law school finals, even after 10+ years.

If I could, I would just crawl into bed right now and try to sleep—but I have paid childcare help today and I REALLY need to get my event documents ready. So I’m trying to persevere.

Oh, I also had the JOY of taking Sophia and a dear friend to a fascinating fossils / dinosaur class this afternoon:



So that forced me to take a shower and try to pull myself together.

Interestingly, in God’s perfect timing, I ACCIDENTALLY picked up a call on my cell phone and ended up having a very real, raw, vulnerable, edifying, gracious, helpful conversation with a friend—who I would’ve screened right on out if I had had my way. (Not because I didn’t want to talk with her, but just because my mind was spinning and I really didn’t want to talk with ANYONE.)

But God knows what we need far better than we do, to be sure.

And her kindness in listening to my (troubled) ramblings and responding not only with grace, but with help and truth too? Well. It was definitely a God thing. And I am grateful—still feeling the weight and tension of anxiety. But I also asked her to please check in on me after a season—a few days? A few weeks? And if I don’t make myself available to talk, really talk with her honestly about how I’m doing ... I asked her to please contact Fred or my pastor and make sure I’m OK. (She lives out of town and sometimes we just need to have someone right here in “real life” check in on us, don’t you think?)

So that’s been pretty much my day. Back to work now. I hope I can actually get something done—

Blessings to you all,
Tara B.

Yesterday morning, I struggled to even get out of bed. (But I really HAD to get out of bed because the girls and I had to leave the house by 8:30AM to be on time for co-op.)

My heart was heavy. I’m pretty much under a weight of low-level, but constant, anxiety these days. I really didn’t know how I could put one foot in front of the other and just do the next thing.

So I grabbed my Bible and didn’t move out of bed for 40 minutes. I just read and re-read (and then read to Sophie when she climbed in next to me) Ephesians 2:

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience–among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—-by grace you have been saved—-and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

But God ...
BUT GOD ...
But God ...

Everything changes right there, doesn’t it?

This is the way we were.
This is the way we are still tempted to behave at times.

Living like children of wrath.
Losing our hope and joy when we put our confidence in our works and our works just don’t measure up.

But God ...
BUT GOD ...
But God ...

Yes. He has done this and He is doing this and He will do this.

Praise His glorious name.

The other night, Fred reminded me that we had some classic baby toys in a tub downstairs. After a little searching, we all enjoyed quite a show by sweet Ella as she discovered the joy of playing with stacking rings and rolling balls:





Then we ended the day with a little family reading of Redwall

Here’s a little Happy Valentine’s Day Barthel family conversation for you:

"Sophie?" Momma Tara inquired, “Do you think mommy and daddy love each other?”

“Of course!”

“Well, then, why do we FIGHT with each other?”

"Because you’re sinners."

“Yes. So what HOPE is there for us?”

“Jesus died for your sins and He continues to pray for you.”

Amen.

If this doesn’t make you smile, then I’m guessing you might rather follow Fred’s dream (of seeing every Major League Baseball team play on their home turf) than my dream (of hearing every major symphony in their own hall):



(But Fred liked this a lot too. )

(HT: My dear friend, BGK)

If you love and respect Ligon Duncan (I surely do!), you’ll enjoy this behind the scenes glimpse into his ministry life:



What a great and godly churchman. (Raised, by the way, not only by a great and godly father, but a brilliant and godly mother. If you have never read his tribute to her in the beginning of Women’s Ministry in the Local Church, you’re really missing out. What a remarkable woman!)

Enjoy,
– Tara B.

PS
I owe a HT to Pastor Anyabwile for the link above. And I also want to post you to a recent article he wrote on studying Scripture every day with his daughters: What It Means to Me.

What a great read! Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure I should tell you that when I met Pastor Anyabwile I gushed like a 1950’s girl meeting Elvis. I think I may have even said something like, “I love your writing! I love your blog! You are a churchman of the order of Ligon Duncan.” (Blush. But it’s true. I don’t know who the non-obituary people are in a current People magazine, but I lose it and stammer around theologians.)

TakeYourVitaminZ quoted Ray Ortlund:

My dad used to say to me, when I was a kid, “Listen, son. Half-hearted Christians are the most miserable people of all. They know enough to feel guilty, but they haven’t gone far enough with Christ to be happy. Be wholehearted for him!"

Amen!

I was reading an old World Magazine on my recent trip and one brief article really stood out in my mind.

It had to do with two U.S. journalists who were sentenced to 12 years' hard labor in a North Korean prison. They had already served 140 days (can you imagine doing hard labor in a North Korean prison for over three months?!), when suddenly, in a moment, everything changed for them:

U.S. journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee were stunned to see the man standing behind the door in a Pyongyang meeting room on August 4: former President Bill Clinton. “We were shocked, but we knew instantly in our hearts that the nightmare of our lives was finally coming to an end.”

I remember gasping as I read those words on the plane. I instantly teared up too.

Why?

Because those women knew immediately that the man sitting in that room, Mr. Clinton, had the power and influence to save them. (Even if he didn’t have any official authority in North Korea. He surely had whatever was needed to set them free.)

Oh! Can you imagine? What a powerful illustration of exactly how every single day is for us who are in Christ, a new creation.

Once we were children of darkness, but now we are light in the Lord.
Once we were children of the devil, but now we belong to the Triune God.

Even in our ongoing struggle with satan, the world, and our Old Man/sin nature, we need only look at our Prophet, Priest, and King to see that He has the power, influence, and authority to set us free.

(Praise His Name!)

Oh, and just to be clear, I am in no way equating Bill Clinton with Jesus. The story was just an excellent reminder to me of the One Who sets me free from my prison.

Thank God that our freedom has been paid for (at great cost)!

"Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee."

Alleluia & Amen!

And g'nite, friends.

Yours,
Tara B.

As our family’s little video reaches various milestones on YouTube, I like to share it with you again:



As of this morning, we’ve passed 250,000 hits and we’re still holding the #1 and #4 Google hits on the phrase “world’s most patient dog.”

Fun stuff! Maybe I should consider one of these “revenue sharing” options I keep getting asked about?
(Nah. Probably not.)

Blessings to you and yours,
Tara B.

It is my pleasure to allow pretty much any (reasonable) friend on FaceBook. But I decline all “gifts.” I never take surveys / participate in games / whatever. (So please don’t take it personal if you invite me to something really great or leave me a “pet” or a “hug” or whatever and I ignore or delete it.)

I have been tempted by a few (Whitey’s Ice Cream for example, or a certain theologian I just LOVE), but I’ve tried to figure out a few guidelines for myself re: social media and “living” online, etc. And that’s where I’m at as of today.

My high school band teacher’s update tempted me again, though. Apparently he joined a group called I dont care about your farm, or your fish, or your park, or your mafia!!!. And wow. I could really get behind the substance of that group, even though the title is a bit snarky.

Still, I don’t want to join a group to say I don’t want to join a group.

So back to work for me ...

Jane Patete just sent me this quote from her morning reading from Valley of Vision:

"Fill me with peace, that no disquieting worldly gales may ruffle the calm surface of my soul ..."

Again, amen.

Even in my grouchy state, I can’t help but laugh at this G.K. Chesterton quote from a recent Pastor Alfred sermon on Revelation:

"Though Saint John the Evangelist saw many strange monsters in his vision, he saw no creature so wild as one of his commentators."

(Can you tell I’m cleaning through piles of notes from the past few weeks?)

Today’s Peacemaker Ministries PeaceMeal was entitled “The Maturity of Being Winsome”. Here is an excerpt:

"If he listens to you, you have won your brother over." Matthew 18:15

We need to let go of the idea that showing someone his fault always requires direct confrontation. Although that approach will be appropriate in some situations, we should never do it automatically. Instead, we should ask God to help us discern the most winsome and effective way to approach a particular person at a particular time and to open the way for genuine reconciliation.

(Adapted from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 145.)

Food for Thought

When Ken wrote, “Instead, we should ask God to help us discern the most winsome and effective way…” he used the word winsome. Do you know what that word means?

The dictionary defines it this way: Generally pleasing and engaging, often because of a childlike charm and innocence.

Most of us are not winsome."

Amen to THAT.

Right now?
Even as I prep three teachings for an upcoming event?

I am anything but winsome. The first word that jumps to mind to describe me right now? SURLY:

"Inclined to anger or bad feelings with overtones of menace. Irritated, bad-tempered, unfriendly."

So we’d better look up MENACE, don’t you think?

"A troublesome or annoying person: a toddler who was a menace in a shop full of crystal."

Well, apparently Ken Sande nails it spot-on, yet again.

Just when I thought I might be growing even a tiny bit. Making a little progress. Putting aside childish things.

Tempted to be overly-confident? (Maybe.) Forgetting how HARD it is to persevere when you feel hopeless? Forgetting how AWFUL conflict feels? (Especially when you really really REALLY try to do a good job, serve well, give it your best—and people are STILL mad at you and blame you for things beyond your control?!) (Maybe.)

Tempted to preach a (nicely organized, even helpful) list of “ten steps” and “to-do's” (with lots of Scripture of course). (Maybe.)

Needing to be kicked back yet again to see myself rightly?

"The uncomfortable truth is that even though we say we have a Christocentric worldview, when the pressure is on, we often shift to an egocentric view of our situation. We think selfishly rather than redemptively." (Susan Hunt, True Woman)

(Yup. That’s me.)

Oh oh oh! Who will rescue me from this troublesome, annoying, apparently VERY immature, not winsome body of death?

"For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not be quiet,
until her righteousness goes forth as brightness,
and her salvation as a burning torch.

The nations shall see your righteousness,
and all the kings your glory,
and you shall be called by a new name
that the mouth of the Lord will give.

You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,
and a royal diadem in the hand of your God." Isaiah 62:1-3

Note: This doesn’t say, “You MAY POSSIBLY be a crown of beauty.” This does not say, “If you get your act together, you MAY POSSIBLY be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord.” No. “You shall.” "You shall." Why? Why so assured? Especially given the day I’m having? Why so completely and utterly MANDATED, promised, covenanted?

Because God will have His way. He makes the covenant. He keeps the covenant. He chooses sinners unto Himself. He keeps (redeemed, justified, adopted) sinners unto Himself. He justifies and He sanctifies. He saves us and He grows us in grace.

Left to our own devices, we would have no hope.

Today? Right now? Looking only at my heart and my circumstances, I have no hope.

And so ... and so ...

"I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep." Psalm 121:1-4

"Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah,
Pilgrim through this barren land.
I am weak, but Thou art mighty;
Hold me with Thy powerful hand.
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven,
Feed me till I want no more;
Feed me till I want no more."

Amen.

Sophie’s front tooth finally wiggled itself out:



She said it didn’t even hurt—I’m sure that’s because it was COMPLETELY dead. Should’ve popped out a week ago—there was nothing live holding that thing in. Her adult tooth is FULLY visible already. (And I think she’s just adorable in her toothlessness.)

Sophia is also having loads of fun with a new learning adventure we’re on ... learning to type:



I haven’t read any books or done any research at all as to what is “best” for kids re: learning to use a keyboard, so I don’t have any idea if “experts” or whomever would say this is a bad idea ...

I’ve just thought about for quite some time ("How are we going to introduce Sophie to computers? What is going to be a good fit for our family?")—and just like learning an instrument, it seemed to me that it’s way better and way easier to never mess around with bad positioning. (For example, with piano, if a kid learns to play on the pads of his fingers rather than the tips in a nice, rounded, relaxed hand position with eyes only ever on the music (never looking down), it is VERY hard to develop good hand position and stop “peeking”. But if you start a child right away with good hand position and help them keep their eyes only on the music, that will stay with them for a LONG time.)

We’re also very committed to integrating computers into learning. Yes, I want her to learn to research “the old fashioned way.” Yes, we still read and read and read and we’re a non-computer-game-family. But as we learn about geography, we LOVE Google Earth. As we discover new operas or play new music in youth orchestra, we enjoy hearing and seeing clips online. I want her to be comfortable with word processing, spreadsheeting, presentation software, etc. And oh! I pray that we can help her to be safe and wise re: the internet (just as we strive to help her to be safe and wise re: walking around a big city).

And so far? Typing Instructor for Kids has been a great fit for us. She learned all three rows of letters in three days—and now she’s just working on bringing up her wpm while maintaining her accuracy. Plus? She LOVES it. We have to be diligent to do our other duties before we do the “fun” of working hard on typing.

Very cool.

We also had some serious fun Sunday night watching Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and then listening to our favorite tunes from Ragtime.

Sophie and Ella did some pretty cute dancing to those ragtime tunes. (Ella dances like this ...)



And, as my Facebook pals already know, Fred cracked me up when he said, “I’m probably the only man in America who watched Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat tonight (rather than the Super Bowl).” To which I replied to Fred that, statistically, I doubt that’s true because there’s probably some serious overlap in the subset of men in America who did NOT watch the Super Bowl and who DO like both musicals and their families.

Don’t you think?

(Oh, and BTW ... Ella wanted to be in the typing photo too ...)



That’s pretty much the news from Lake Woebegone. THANK YOU for praying for my friend. So many times I just doubled over today and cried (and cried out, “I can’t BELIEVE it!!”). Not in that “railing against God / tempted to sinful anger” kind of way. Just wracked with grief. I simply cannot believe it.

Anyway. Thanks for praying.

We’re into cuddle time now, so I need to scoot.

Blessings and goodnight,
Tara B.

(& cuddle bugs Eleanor & Sophia too)

Would you please take a moment right now and pray for a friend of mine?

I can’t go into details (wouldn’t be appropriate) but this friend is suffering horribly. Right now. And it seems that the suffering is not only not ending or even slowing down—it is increasing in intensity at levels that I can’t even wrap my mind around.

I am in shock. I am so sad. I am so ANGRY at the ravaging effects of sin and the realities of life in a fallen world.

Oh! Won’t you please pray for my friend?
I would be so very, very grateful.

Thank you.
— Tara B.

Thanks, TulipGirl, for this great Luther quote on restoring gently:

What does “restoring gently” look like? Luther explains, “when they see that those persons are sorrowful for their offenses, they should begin to raise them up again, to comfort them, and to mitigate their faults as much as they can—yet through mercy only, which they must set against sin, lest those who have fallen are swallowed up with depression.” And “. . .gently, and not in the zeal of severe justice.”

I read this when you first posted it back in January, and while I still have a LONG way to go in being more gentle, I must admit that it has helped me.

In particular, I am prayerfully striving to be faster at, more sincere about, giving people a break by graciously covering over their offenses.

As one example ...

The other day, Sophie replied to me in a very snippy and snide way. It surprised me and I truly didn’t know why she had done it. (There was no obvious temptation or presenting issue like me having just been a jerk to her or her being tired, etc.)

Of course I asked her about it. Our conversation went something like this:

"Whoa. Hon? What just happened?"

“I was disrespectful to you.”

“Yes, you were. Do you know WHY you were disrespectful, honey? Can you help me to understand what is going on in your heart?”

“Well. Mom? Do you ever do something or say something and even the MOMENT you do it, you wish you hadn’t?”

“Sure. I can relate to that. Is that what happened here?”

“Yes. And I’m sorry.”

“OK. No problem. Let’s just let it go.”

And we did.

“Love covers over a multitude of sins.” "Love is not easily provoked." “Be merciful just as your Heavenly Father is merciful.”

This is my prayer. Oh! This is my prayer.

Blessed Sunday to you—

Yours,
Tara B.

A couple of days ago, Sophie and I had an exchange that was convicting and informative (and a little funny in retrospect too). It went something like this:

"Soph? I’m going to take Ella upstairs now and try to help her get to sleep for her nap."

“OK, Mom.” (Her words said, “OK,” but her tone said, “I’m not happy.”)

“Soph? Is something wrong? You seem to be saying, ”OK," but then you seem mad about it."

“Well ... I thought you said we were going to watch that video together?”

(She was right. I had said that. I had just forgotten.)

“Yes, that’s true. OK. Let’s go watch the video and I’ll hold Ella downstairs.” (My words said, “OK,” but my tone said, “I’m not happy.”)

“Mom? Is something wrong? You seem to be saying, ”OK," but then you seem mad about it."

Hmmmmm. Really? Wonder where she learns this stuff from?

(!!)

So all of this led into a productive conversation about our hearts / James 4 / desires elevated to demands / monster wants, etc. It also gave us a great opportunity to learn to communicate better.

(Oh, how I pray that our lines of communication will remain open and honest as she continues to grow!)

Back into our strange Saturday now ... strange because now Ella is really sick. So I held her until around 2AM and then Fred held her the rest of the night, poor love. So in addition to not feeling well ourselves, we are really tired and “off” from sleeplessness.

Good thing another snowstorm is blanketing us in. No place to go!

Blessings to you and yours,
Tara B.

Just a little shout-out to Steph Hubach and her entire MNA Special Needs Ministries team for their hard work serving the members of our denomination who have disabilities (and their families and churches too)—Thanks for your ministry! And God bless you as even more PCA churches get to know you, become better equipped themselves, and (hopefully!) support you with prayers and financial support too.

If your church is in the PCA and you don’t already have a strategic, gospel-proclaiming ministry dedicated to glorifying God by enjoying and supporting people with disabilities in your church, I encourage you to get to know this ministry. (Actually, even if you already DO have such a ministry, please get to know them anyway because in true Presbyterian fashion, then YOU can be a part of serving others in our denomination too.)

MNA Special Needs Ministries - 2010 WIC Love Gift

Thanks, Molly and Jennie for reminding me of just how (tragically) funny this video is:



(And yes, this is the video I was trying to describe to a few women at the event last weekend in South Carolina. But oh! I could never do it justice.)

A must watch—especially if you have a passion for true, gospel, biblical counseling rather than legalistic behavior modification via to-do lists (even two word to-do lists as illustrated by this classic video).

I felt strangely disconnected yesterday during my internet-free day, but it turned out to be a wonderful time. I connected in real life with human beings, spent more time with my girls, started a book I’m excited to read, AND got to take some photos of Ella that I think are pretty cute. I think I may take technology breaks more often.

I also thought of a 4th conviction that helped me to unpack and straighten our home without being a total grouch the other day:

4. I didn’t want Sophie to grow up saying, “Yes, it was our family’s privilege to sacrifice so that my mom could go and serve at different events. But boy she sure was a GROUCH stomping around the day after she got back—reconciling paperwork, packing orders, following up on emails, unpacking / doing laundry / cleaning / re-engaging with our family life.” NOPE. That is NOT how I wanted her childhood to be.

So thank God for conviction! And for grace to change.

I’ll put the photos at the bottom of this post just in case you’d like to smile. And then I’m back to taking care of (very) sick Sophie and (getting very) sick Fred. But so far Ella and I are holding our own, thank God!

Blessed Thursday to you all—

Yours,
Tara B.

Sweet Ella Marie!




Happy Sweet Half-Birthday, Big Six Month-Old Eleanor!






First Time Really Exploring and Crawling All Over Lilikoi




Developmental Milestones! Pre-Crawling Here We Come ...






Not So Happy with First Solids (a.k.a. “What are you people DOING to me?!?”)



Poor sick Sophie and poor sick Fred …

I only have a second because I’m typing this on Fred’s laptop and he has to leave for work soon ...

But I wanted to tell you three graces that God gave me yesterday that helped me to not sin as I tried to dig out from the chaos that had taken over (literally) every single room in our tiny little home. As I worked to tackle the piles (and piles and PILES) of stuff (suitcase and box that needed unpacking, mail to sort and deal with, craft and school and science fair stuff everywhere, sick-kid-survival-mode-areas strategically placed throughout the house filled with books and CDs and projects), I remembered:

1. That Paul Tripp quote from “A Quest for More” that I read at the retreat on Saturday (about a mother “in a flash of irritation” sacrificing the relationship she is supposed to have with her child on the altar of her desire for order/cleanliness) and I really TRULY prayed that God would help me to NOT do that.

2. I remembered how hard Fred worked to keep things orderly and how, actually, they WERE quite orderly (underneath the piles there was a strong undercurrent of non-chaos). And I really wanted to communicate to Fred how grateful I was. I felt grateful! I wanted to demonstrate gratitude. And I knew that being frustrated and angry was not the way to do it.

3. In a “moment of sanity” I told myself that a) At some point (maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week), there WOULD be order again (I really did have a dining room table underneath all of that stuff, somewhere!); and b) I didn’t really want to have to repent later for sinning NOW to get to that orderly point.

Was I 100% successful? No. But I was definitely BETTER than I’ve been at other times.

Total grace.

And today? I get to have a 100% TECHNOLOGY-FREE-DAY because Fred is doing something with my laptop that requires me to NOT TOUCH IT.

Wow. I can’t think of the last time I went an entire day without email or facebook, etc. I think it was the time at my event in Florida when my laptop’s AC charger fritzed out and I was left with nothing other than a hotel PEN the entire weekend (and the three flights home). Wow. That was a long stretch.

But today? I’m thinking glitter and glue and Valentine’s Day box creation time. And maybe some cookies in matching aprons? Oh, only if Soph feels up to it. (I just asked her and she said through her croupy little cough, not even raising her fevered head above the pillow, “OK, Mom.”) Hmmmmmm ... maybe we’ll just snuggle the day away and watch musicals and operas.

Please bear with my lack of response on email and fb and blog comments today!

Cutting the string to the Internet now—

Yours,
Tara B.

Hello again from the Barthel chaos!

Hope your Tuesday is going well. Fred laughed when I told him I’d been awake and working hard since 3:30AM. We thought I might have a hard time getting back onto Mountain time after five days on the east, but after today he said (quoting): “Keep this up and you’re going to be on EUROPE time.” Yes, I am.

But, thanks to a few hours of hard work and a gracious husband’s willingness to stop by the post office on his way to work, most of my South Carolina orders are already in the mail.

(Hooray for Fred!)



I did want to tell you that if you ordered Ed Welch’s book, “Running Scared,” it’s going to be a couple of extra days before your order will go out. Peacemakers is out of stock for three weeks and I didn’t want you to have to wait that long, so I bought the 13 copies I needed from another seller and as soon I receive them, I’ll have them in the mail to you. (I have your boxes/envelopes labeled and ready to go.)

Sorry for the delay! Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.

Back to (very) sick Sophie (I’m concerned!) and (very) cute Ella now—

Gratefully,
Tara B.

I was making it home yesterday just fine when WHAM! I went from an experienced frequent flyer (bopping along to some tunes, interspersing work and rest, happily trying to be kind to people and not overly concerned with my own comfort) to a troubled and sad woman.

And the strange thing is, it all happened so fast. (My emotions really ARE prone to swells and dips, aren’t they?)

It’s 3:30AM now and I’m about to go down into the office and work on packing my SC orders, but first I thought I’d pray. (OK. FIRST I thought I’d check email and FaceBook. Just being honest.) And THEN I thought, “Wow! I need to pray.”

To do so? In moments like these when my heart is grouchy and troubled and angst-ridden? I need to write. Praying out loud or silently to myself just doesn’t cut it. There’s something about the tactile transfer of words to page (or words to screen) that helps me to stay organized and (hopefully!) better equip me for faith’s fight against sin (or grieving with hope or casting all my cares on the Lord because He cares for me—whatever the situation du jour requires).

After some time processing, this is what I’ve come up with:

- Just as “Fight 37” continues to tempt Fred and me in our marriage, my restless heart last night had at its root absolutely nothing new. Bottom line? I was rejected last night and I felt the sting of past rejection last night and I feared further rejection last night.

- Yup. It was my old nemesis: Fear of Man. Rather than finding myself wholly in Christ; rather than being defined wholly by His love for me and His care for me; rather than staking my claim on His finished work (the gospel!) ... I wanted people to want me. And when they didn’t? (Or I just FELT like they didn’t?) My heart was tempted to despair.

(Oh oh oh. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God ...)

Ironically, the actual rejection didn’t even hurt me that much. It was from dear Eleanor! And even I, messed up ol' Tara, could understand why a little six month-old baby who had only been held by her father for five straight days would cry and cry and CRY during our 30-second transfer in between getting me home from the airport and Fred’s needing to leave for his deacon’s meeting at church. Does my baby not love me? Of course not. After a few minutes, did she figure out that she actually adores me and feels safe with me and did she calm right down and fall asleep snuggled into me? Yes. Thankfully. (Especially because she is, like Sophie, getting sick now which is very concerning to me since RSV is going through our little town again.)

So that was unpleasant. (Happy as a clam baby in her father’s arms. Transfer to me? COMPLETE BABY CRUMPLE FACE!! Back to Fred? Cooing and sweet. Handed to me? Cry scream weep cry. Nope. Not pleasant.)

But it didn’t really HURT me. She was just a tired, not feeling well, little muffin. I mostly felt bad for her. Her “rejection” didn’t wound me.

It was actually the remembrance of past rejection and the fear of future rejection that touched a deeply wounded place in me—a place that I honestly believed was a little more healed and sound and mature than was evidenced last night.

The past rejection was, I believe, brought out of my subconscious mind and thrust into my conscious existence by a series of sensory experiences I had in one of my (four) airports yesterday.

It happened at the end of a long layover that had otherwise been very pleasant (laptop plugged in; cranking through actionable emails; enjoying conversations off and on with my mother, mother-in-law, and Fred; ordering some educational materials for Sophie; totally enjoying my first dessert of the weekend—a tall mocha frappuccino extra shot no whip—YUM!) ...

But when it came time to move towards my gate, I bopped along to an old Keith Green album (hearing), looked out the window and saw the mountains (sight), and could still smell and taste my mocha frappuccino. Then, without warning, I had the strongest remembrance of the time in my life when I was wracked by the greatest pain and the greatest rejection I have ever felt. It was far worse than the suffering related to my childhood, because just as Psalm 55 so powerfully captures, this was a pain related to a brother in Christ. And thus, it was devastating:

"If an enemy were insulting me,
I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me,
I could hide from him.

But it is you, a man like myself,
my companion, my close friend,

with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
as we walked with the throng at the house of God." Psalm 55:12-14

In a wave of swirling emotions last night, I remembered with horror how hopeless and helpless and unloved and beyond redemption I felt during that time of life. I even remembered (although I am SO shamed to admit this!) how I entertained the thought, in that very airport of not going home to Fred. Ever.

What a wicked thought! But I had it. I started to tell myself that my life would be better if I just walked out through security, rented a car, drove it as far as I could, left it by the side of the road, and then walked as far as I could into the desert until I found a diner where I could get a job under a false name and live the rest of my life. Alone.

I know that must sound crazy to you. Today? February 2, 2010? It sounds crazy to me too. But at that time? In my pain? I really did relate to what the psalmist wrote:

"My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death assail me.

Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.

I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest-

I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
Selah

I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm." Psalm 55:4-8

Back then, after an extended season of suffering, all I wanted to do was “fly away.”

Thankfully, even though it cut my heart like a knife (!); and though I remember that I was the very last person to board my plane, I did not run away from that airport those many years ago. Instead, I went home and confessed to Fred my temptation to flee from my troubles.

Miraculously, he did not respond with judgment and rejection as I confessed such a faithless and evil temptation. Instead, he said one of the most gracious things that anyone has ever said to me in any context:

"I would have found you, Tara. If you hadn’t gotten off of that plane in Billings, I would have been on the next flight to find you and I never would have stopped searching until I brought you home."

("What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? ...")

All of these thoughts and remembrances came washing over me as I headed to my gate. But even that was OK. I was mostly rejoicing in God’s grace in keeping me in Him throughout that challenging time. I was grateful that my current life situation was not one of raw, daily suffering like so many people I know and care about.

I was doing OK. But then ...

Then I began to think more and more (and more) about a current situation I am facing wherein I’m fairly certain I am being criticized and judged (and rejected) by a group of people to a group of people and oh! It just makes me sad. No, that’s not completely true. The truth is that it makes me sad, yes, but it also makes me MAD. Especially because I truly feel that their view of me is unfair and unwarranted.

(Whoops! My practical theology is showing with that statement isn’t it. I talk a good ("confessional theology") game re: the doctrines of indwelling sin and total depravity, but when push comes to shove, my PRIDE rears up against TRUTH and deep down I want to defend and vindicate myself. I can coach and teach The Cross and Criticism with the best of them, but actually LIVING IT OUT?! Well, crud.)

(Oh, and by the way, as Fred gently reminded me last night ... Probably? The people I am tempted to obsess over aren’t even thinking of me AT ALL. More than likely, I’m not even a blip on their radar screen because people really do think of us a LOT LESS than we can ever imagine.)

The truth is that it is HARD to live for Christ alone, by faith alone, for God’s glory alone. It is hard to die to self. Left to our own devices, we usually WANT to “fit in” and “be liked” (and we will expend a lot of time, emotions, effort, and energy trying to get people to think well of us and “choose us”).

Fear of man really is a snare!

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trust in the Lord is kept safe." Proverbs 29:25

That is our only hope.

I knew it last night, even as my heart was heavy. I kept TRYING to beat back against my emotions with truth. I even said out loud, “The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” (Psalm 118:6-7).

I reached out to two dear friends and asked them to pray for me.

I reviewed old journal entries on suffering and remembered:

"What God ordains is always good: His will is just and holy. As he directs my life for me, I follow meek and lowly. My God indeed in every need knows well how he will shield me; to him then I will yield me.

What God ordains is always good: He never will deceive me; He leads me in his own right way, and never will he leave me. I take content what he has sent; his hand that sends me sadness, will turn my life to gladness.

What God ordains is always good: His loving thought attends me; No poison can be in the cup that my physician sends me. My God is true each morning new I trust his grace unending, my life to him commending.

What God ordains is always good: He is my loving father. He never seeks to do me harm though many storms may gather. Now though I know both joy and pain, some day I shall see clearly, that he has loved me dearly.

What God ordains is always good; This truth remains unshaken. Though sorrow, need, or death be mine, I shall not be forsaken. I fear no harm, for with his arm He shall embrace and shield me; So to my God I yield me."

Did remembering truth fix everything and suddenly make me 100% happy and at peace? No.

But remembering truth—God is real; all of history is on a timeline of redemption; I am no longer an orphan; this life is short; eternity is my real home; God is growing me in grace and HE will complete the good work He has begun; what can man do to me?—did help. Oh, and I also left EVERYTHING a total wreck in the house last night (which is very out of character for me). I didn’t even try to unpack one bag or catch up on one administrative email.

I just climbed into bed with the girls, read, cuddled, and went to sleep (because I also recognized that some of my temptations last night were simply tied to me being physically and mentally exhausted).

There is grace for the day! And the Lord will never reject His children (Psalm 27:10).

Off to pack some orders now ...
(In the battle. But striving to remember that the battle is already won.)

Happy Tuesday to you!

Your friend,
Tara B.

TakeYourVitaminZ posted this and I just kept grinning and shaking my head in the SLC airport ...

So even though I’m a tiny bit concerned it may be too snarky, Fred said it isn’t, so I’m going to post it.

Hope you enjoy! (And please know that I really DON’T have this view of most men in the church. Most of the Christian men I know are wise and gracious examples of servant leaders who work incredibly hard, often at great sacrifice. But I do like satire.)

One more flight to go,
Tara B.



From the best of Christian Radio comes an album just for you males in the church out there. It’s the best weepy, whiney overly-emotional spineless songs to encourage you as you battle through your hard and tedious life day after day. Titles include:

- My Parents are Making me Move Out

- Why Do I Need a Job?

- Responsibility is Not My Spiritual Gift

- My X Box Broke, Help me Through This Storm

- Why Do Girls Want a Man With a Job?

- I Spilled My No-Fat Mocha Latte on My Lemon Yellow Vest

- Mark Driscoll Yelled at Me and Now I Want to Cry

...and many more great titles to lift you up when darkness clouds your spineless, aimless existence.

(HT: TomInTheBox)

Sophie and I had a fun time Skyping last night because she kept (excitedly) bringing me everything in the house that had to do with Pompeii:

"Mom! Mom! Did you know that Pompeii is not only in our history cards? It’s also in Jack & Annie’s Magic Tree House. And we even have MORE books on it too?!"

Mmmmmmmmmm. Really? That’s so cool! (Wonder how all of those interesting history-related resources got into the house, dearie bearie. )

(Not that I would ever say that.)

I just responded by saying, “Great! Tell me all about it.” And she did.

I have to say—I absolutely adored Sophia when she was a teeny tiny little newborn. And I loved and enjoyed her as a toddler and preschooler. But this “big (little) kid” age is tremendously interesting and enjoyable too.

Pretty much at every stage, Fred and I used to say, “This is SO great! This is the BEST stage.” But now we know that every stage is the best stage. And we’re blessed even to have just one more moment, one more day, one more experience with our little ones.

But oh! It’s HARD, isn’t it? Parenting, I mean.

Being a mother is beyond a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done. (And I would guess Fred would say the same about being a father.) I really hope I make it home tonight, not only to see them all—but to give Fred a rest. Being the sole parent for tiny kids, especially when one is sick, is not only physically exhausting, it is mentally exhausting. (What a great reminder to continue to pray for and look for ways to support our actively deployed military families and the single parents in our churches too. They do this month after month, year after year!)

We’re about to board, so I need to sign off. I’ll do so by saying that one of the FIRST thoughts I had as Sophie was so excited about Pompeii was actually, “I hope I didn’t drop a ball and leave something age INAPPROPRIATE in her reach.” Because when I was little (I’d guess it was right around 1978 ), we went and saw the Pompeii exhibit at The Art Institute in Chicago and OH MY STARS! It terrified me. I was WAY too young to see those images.

Thankfully, Sophie is learning about the destruction in abstraction. Plenty of life left for her to live and learn about this (and other) horrors at age-appropriate times.

Off to my tiny plane now—

Happy, blessed Monday to you,
Tara B.