What a praise!

I’ve been praying for a dear friend who was struggling in a conflicted relationship and recently she sent me this wonderful praise report. I thought it might bless you all–so with her permission (and changing the facts to guard their confidentiality), here it is:

Tara–
Just have to share the whole thing because God is just so amazing :)….

As you know this conflict has been dragging on for over a year. Within the last 2 months I sensed that God was directing me to pray about the situation (I was previously ignoring it). I had an unusual encounter with someone this person knows. She happened to mention that Carol (my code name for the person I was in conflict with) was excited about/learning a lot from reading Peacemaking Women. Ahhh….my possible connecting point!

A few days later I felt led to ask Carol to help me with a project related to our church. Remember….no real contact for over a year even though we saw each other every Sunday. I typed the email and broke out into a sweat and could not send it. I believe I was in a spiritual battle. It took me several hours that day to push send. Once I did a total peace came over me (that wonderful peace that comes from obedience!). Her response was warm, inviting, and quite frankly put me to shame.

I continued to pray. This needed to be more than “let’s just pick up our relationship and go on without ever discussing/confessing the conflict…because we have tasks that can be done that can cover the hurt.” God was telling me that I needed to put into practice the biblical principles that I was learning through Peacemakers. Prayed a lot. Had others praying. Knew it was the right thing. Wasn’t too anxious until the day we were supposed to meet. It just didn’t seem right in my heart yet.

Although I was disappointed when my initial meeting with Carol was cancelled I knew God had a reason. Your email was incredibly beneficial. Especially the input regarding “gently restoring” when you suggested (in loving 100 pt. font) that I not go there that day. So I prayed about that … a lot! I think you saw from a previous email that God had shown me that the issue was not her but me. If the same scenarios had happened now I would have most likely (because of God’s grace) not taken offense and the year of conflict (peacefaking) may have not occured. Quite frankly, I was a jerk.

As I look back over all of this, I realize that my pattern with Carol is the pattern I’ve lived my entire life. Once someone really starts to see the real me (warts and all) I back away. I felt that I must appear to be perfect. I have been the ultimate people-pleasing, perfectionist, performance driven example of sin. I had a narrow view of the gospel which gave me a narrow view of my heart which allowed little room for the work of the Spirit. Here’s a side story that will tie in (I promise…)

Three months ago I was in my living room and I heard a crash outside. Jamie looked out the window and said, “mommy, someone just hit your car!” I ran outside to find a car that had run off the road, through the neighbor’s yard and scraped along the back of my vehicle which was parked near the end of my driveway. So you can visualize it, the vehicles looked like a big “T.” Obviously the driver couldn’t get out of his car. I asked him if he was ok. He was a bit dazed and apologizing profusely. He had reached down to get something and lost control. I helped him out of the other side of the car. While we were waiting for the police to come and write a report, I asked him to tell me a little about himself. He just kept saying that he had finally got his life straightened around. He was taking money to his dad just then. He was visibly frightened to call his dad to let him know what had happened. Once his dad got there I understood why.

Mike and I were standing in the yard with neighbors (big deal in our neighborhood) quietly waiting for the police while Bob (the driver) was sitting on the curb with his head in his lap and his arms around his head…scared to death. Around that time Bob’s dad pulled up and flew out of the truck. Well, his father wasn’t flying out of the truck to see if Bob was ok. He began verbally abusing him by calling him a stupid kid who will never learn, a dummy, an idiot mixed in with a lot of obscenities. This went on for several minutes. Bob simply stood there with tears running down his cheeks (he is a 26 year old kid) as his father ripped him to shreds in front of the neighbors.

I don’t know if anything like this has ever happened to you but I felt like everything around me stopped at that point except for what was happening between Bob and his father. It was as if I was watching a drama on a stage and could hear nothing but this “conversation” between father and son. At that moment God spoke to me. Not an audible voice but a gentle, loving statement…”Linda, this is how you used to view me.” I’m so thankful that God knows me so intimately that He knows I learn visually…and this was the lesson of all lessons!

So if I viewed God this way, what would make me ever want to truly confess my sin…or even recognize it? Would I ever want to admit that I am wrong? Would I ever want to see myself as prideful? So how does that effect ones relationships? It spills over into every area of life. My Oprah brand of Christianity of behavior modification never cut it.

It was understanding that I was chosen by God before the foundation of the earth. When I deserved His wrath, He loved me so much that He sent His Son to die for me. At the moment I confessed my sin and my need for Jesus, God gave me the righteousness of Jesus…He loves me….He’s for me….He will help me. I don’t have to do anything to earn that love. He has adopted me as His own. I want to obey Him because I love Him. He’s not a tyrant! He gives me the Holy Spirit so that I can see my heart…the good AND the bad. He loves me so much that when I sin He disciplines me. I can confess that sin and know that the Spirit can give me the power to turn away from that sin. There is hope for change! Wow! What a different way to live life.

Back to the story with Carol…God has continued to work on my heart this past month. A friend and I had what I would call a very redemptive, Gospel-filled conversation about my idol of “control.” That strategies and organizing and long range plans come so natural for me that I erect them into an idol before I know it. Yikes! Had a good time of confession the next morning and felt the forgiveness and love of my Savior just wash over me. I was even able to share my struggle with another lady who was telling me she struggles in many of the same ways. What a blessing!

The day before our meeting I was on my way to work, stopped at a light. As I was thinking and praying about the situation with Carol and several other things going on with my kids I could feel myself struggling with anxiety. Low and behold I looked at the car in front of me (what is it about cars?) and on the back of the trunk was the name of the car (never heard this one)….SOVEREIGN. Wow! And if I can say any one thing about this situation it is that I have had a major lesson in the sovereignty of God.

I felt peace the entire day of the meeting (much different than the day of the meeting that was cancelled). I know many were praying. And I prayed that God would continue to humble me. That Carol would not be anxious. And that God would be glorified.

Carol was warm and receptive as we began to chat. I led into the conversation asking her if I could share this journey that I’ve been on. She patiently listened as I specifically confessed each sin to her (all that I could remember) and why it was sin. I shared what I’ve been learning and didn’t make any excuses (thank you God!). Then I asked her if she would forgive me. She said she already had a long time ago. Again I’m amazed and humbled.

She shared her journey. Much to my amazement it was much like mine. As much as the situation hurt, God used it and other things to bring her to a better place in her walk. When she listened to your conference CD’s (a friend gave them to her) and read your book she began to pray and think, “if Linda is reading this stuff too, then this may be the time to work this out.” The day before I emailed her she had made the decision to email me. Before she could, my email was waiting for her in her inbox.

There are lots of other things in the conversation that were God things. She did ask me what she had done to cause the rift. I told her that I had prayed about that and would be happy to share at some point but it wasn’t the reason for the meeting. She wanted to know so I explained to her that it was difficult for me to share something that I thought may help her to change when my view of that action was so tainted by my perceptions and sin. We had a good time of sharing. I ended the time by saying that if anything else came to mind that she wanted me to explain that I would be happy to. She said, no, your request for forgiveness has been granted. We left by embracing each other and saying, “I love you.” Now is that God’s grace, or what???

The blessing of obeying is so much more joyous than the sin of staying stuck and not doing what needs to be done. I’m so thankful for what God has done, Tara! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your encouragement, words of wisdom and prayers. I love you!

Linda