Reconnecting People Who Have Been Hurt by Their Church

Thank you, Pastor Anyabwile, for posting this oldie-but-a-goodie CCEF video and your summary too:

How Do You Reconnect People Who Have Been Hurt By Their Church?

Some of the suggestions/notes from the video:

1. Determine the issue: How did the church actually hurt the person? What was the issue?

2. Don’t assume: Be aware that you’re getting one side of the story. Don’t assume you’re getting all the information. Without disparaging the person’s story, remember that there is another side.

3. Relationship history: What else is going on in the person’s life? Are there other painful relationships and experiences affecting the person’s outlook? Is this how the person typically handles conflict?

4. Recognize the invitation to listen and empathize: By telling you of their hurts, the person may be inviting you to listen and empathize. They may be giving you access to tender and vulnerable areas of their life.

5. Help them identify their own contribution: Give plenty time to listening and understanding their pain. But having done that, you may discover places where the person should identify and own their sin and contribution to the hurt.

6. Remember: The person probably has not experienced the blessing of community. So, one major goal is to bring a healthy church experience to them. How can we create–perhaps in miniature–good relational experiences between the person and the church?

7. Avoid saying: (1) God wants you to go to church; (2) You should go to church because you need to grow spiritually; or (3) Going to church is the only way to follow Jesus. These may be true statements, but they may not be helpful or beneficial to the person at that moment.

Helping someone who has been hurt by their church may come down to the reality that you yourself are the church to them, prayerfully incarnating a positive experience of the church with the hopes of seeing them reconnected.

[A re-post from 2012]