Even Amidst True Joys, a Low Note of Deep Sorrow Resonates

It’s a strange thing to be walking through what is usually such a happy, fun season of our year (Thanksgiving, Sophia’s birthday, Christmas, New Year’s) with genuine joy—but also with deep sadness (because of my mother’s failing health).

I can honestly say that I am fully present in the happiness; but an undercurrent of grief sounds constantly in my heart throughout my day. Its like a drone note on a double bass. Always there. Rumbling. You can feel it even though it doesn’t usually draw attention to itself. Sometimes the vibrations are too much and I just cry “for no reason” (really, for a good reason). Much of the time, I temporarily set it out of my mind, but only temporarily. Because it’s always there.

It seems to me that this is how many people who are facing great loss might go throughout their days. Your infant has cancer; but your other children need to be fed and bathed. Your employer (of many years) has just let you go; but you can’t just hide away in your bed forever. A close friend walks away from you. A romance ends. You bury your adult son; but his widow and children still need your love.

Your mother is dying. Thousands of miles away, dying. You know you have told her a thousand times how much she means to you; how grateful you are for her; how many other people and families she has helped by allowing you to tell your story (and thus, a little of her story). You have shared the gospel—in person, in writing, on the phone; over and over again. For twenty-five years.

And now she is dying. This is a sad thing. It is worthy of the ice pick of pain in my chest. It is worthy of tears and prayers. And so I cry and pray. But I’m also still looking for ways to serve her. My sister had the great idea of us both sending her (by REAL MAIL—did you know that still exists? 🙂 ) some Sudoku and Crossword puzzles each day (and personal notes of course). I check in on her each day. I speak with her nurse. I pray.

And earlier this week? Sophia and her violin teacher, Miss Laura, recorded beautiful music, just for my mom. If you have two minutes and you would like to enjoy a lovely taste of Advent, this is the video for you:
 

And if you have five minutes and would like to enjoy some SUPER FUN Handel, check this out:

Beauty, even in suffering. Thank You, Lord! (And thank you, Sophia, and Miss Laura too.)

Blessings to you all!
– Tara B.