Avoiding Church Conflict—And Avoiding a Real-Life Massacre

Whenever I teach the Peacemaker Ministries’ Slippery Slope of Conflict:

I try to remember Dave Edling’s and Ken Sande’s (repeated!) teaching to me and say something to the effect of:

“The face of the church would change if Christians would follow one simple step when someone offends them: rather than talking about the other person, they go and (gently! humbly!) talk to the other person.”

It’s so true. Many times, we can clear up a miscommunication, realize that we misunderstood or misinterpreted a situation, or simply be moved with compassion towards a person once we understand what he or she is going through. (“I had no idea you had just learned of your father’s passing. How silly of me to be offended that you didn’t stop and talk with me. I’m the one who is sorry. Can I bring you a meal this week?”)

Challies.com pointed to an even stronger example of this in a real-life missionary adventure in Kenya:

While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks

 I am still shaking my head. Avoiding an actual massacre by simply picking up the (cell) phone? Grace grace grace.

Even a “common grace”-wisdom source like the Harvard Business Review gives similar advice:

Strategies for Working Smoothly with Your Peers

It’s so hard! It is! But truly … if we cannot overlook/unilaterally forgive (Prov. 19:11), then we really do need to have the “courageous conversation” (to use the term of art from the HBR); do everything we can (“inasmuch as it depends on us”-Rom. 12), repeatedly, prayerfully, with great self-sacrifice and love to “maintain the unity of the Spirit through the bonds of peace” (Eph. 4:1-3).

Do you see how this stops the gossip? The insidious, back-biting, brother-dividing (Prov. 6) gossip.?

Please, oh professing Christian. Please! When someone hurts you. Offends you. Bothers you. Pick up the phone. Go to the person. Speak humbly and lovingly with the person. Avoid the real-life massacre.

For the glory of the Lamb,
Tara B.