Child Protection / Abuse in the Church
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What I Tell My Pre-Teen About Porn
Yesterday, I did a quick check-in with my preteen daughter about how her heart and mind were doing re: inadvertent exposure to sexual or violent images. I use different words, of course. Otherwise, the very act of asking about things could create trouble—and I surely don’t want to do that! But as we were there, nose-to-nose, snuggling and talking about important things, I asked if she had seen anything troubling or tempting on any technology or on a bookshelf at a friend’s home or in a store, etc. She mentioned how the title “The Lady with the Dragon Tattoo” had created in her a desire for a second glance when she saw…
- Avoiding Inadvertent Retraumatization, Child Protection / Abuse in the Church, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse, Trauma Recovery
When Your Friend is Raped or Beaten
[A repost from enCourage] The very week that the #MeToo campaign began to dominate my social media relationships, a woman in my community told me that she was being physically hurt by a family member. Of course I immediately did everything I could to help her. But I also remember thinking at the time: Would most women in the church know how to wisely respond to a friend who is being physically and/or sexually assaulted? Having worked as a Christian mediator for over twenty years, and having taught thousands of women at conferences and retreats during that time, I have many examples of responses that make things worse, and of…
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How NOT to Respond to a Friend Who Tells You She Has Been Assaulted
I am always honored to write for the PCA Women’s Blog, enCourage, and this post was hard–but no exception: When Your Friend Is Raped or Beaten We have a strict word count–so this article doesn’t have all of the biblical citations and encouraging quotes that I wanted to share. We also have a very limited length for a title–and this one was hard to do. What I really wanted to call it was: “Oh My Stars! Have You Ever Had Your Friend Tell You Something SO Hard and SO Painful for Her that You Were Momentarily Frozen??!! You know … you want to wrap your arms around her, but you’re not sure physical touch…
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How to Work Together as Friends to Protect Our Children from Sexual Predators
I do not want to raise my children to live lives of fear. I do not want them to think that most “don’t knows” are out to harm them. (We use the Safe Side Super Chick term “don’t know” rather than “stranger” because most people who do hurt children are not strangers—they are “kinda knows.” Children kinda know their coaches, their distant uncles, the nice new man at their church.) At the same time, I do not want to raise them to be naive. Even in just my brief time leading The Institute for Christian Conciliation, I learned of many cases of children being molested in churches. Most churches and most Christians are just way too trusting of people!…
- Avoiding Inadvertent Retraumatization, Child Protection / Abuse in the Church, Redeeming Church Conflicts, Trauma Recovery
God has called us to look at our own shortcomings as pastors. He has allowed us to seek and receive forgiveness from those we have failed.
For every Christian family that has been attacked or abandoned by local church leaders … can you imagine what it would be like for your (heartbroken) children to hear these words from their former shepherd-overseers? For the pastor’s wife who saw her husband ripped apart by fellow ordained leaders? The traumatized woman retraumatized by the very men who had sworn before God to protect her … Listen to the balm in Gilead! See what fresh air, light, repentance, and LOVE do to the boiling caldron of acidic grief and pain that is the result of your wounding words, actions, and inactions. It’s not too late. You can face what you…
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Recovery from these situations progresses like a nuclear half-life at best …
I breathe a little faster and gasp out prayers every time I read my friend, David Hogue’s, writings on his service to “the least of these” as a fellow Christian attorney. Please listen to his words and then consider getting involved with the CASA (Court-Appointed Special Advocates) organization in your local area: You may not be ready to foster or adopt right now, and you may not know anything about the law or courts or foster care, but that doesn’t mean you can’t help a child who desperately, desperately NEEDS help. Thanks and God bless you! Tara B. PS My children don’t know one whit about any Kardashian and neither…
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People are hoping to find you alive …
I cringed when I read the following poem by my friend and fellow Christian attorney, David Hogue: Traffic Honestly? I had to force myself to finish it because this topic is so horrific that it would take all of my focus in life if I let it. I also had to force myself to not give in to all of my temptations related to excuses for inactivity because this evil is just so overwhelmingly huge that I would constantly close my eyes and turn my head away from it if I gave in to my own devices. Can I stop child trafficking? No. Can I give money every month to…
- Child Protection / Abuse in the Church, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Peace Amidst Holiday Strife, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Family Holidays with Drunks, Addicts, and People Who Do Not Like You
It wasn’t until God saved me as a teenager and I began to be invited into people’s homes and holiday celebrations that I learned first-hand that sometimes, families really liked to gather with one another at the holidays and that sometimes, decorations were lovely; music was redemptive; and food was delicious. (I had read about such things in books as a child, but never had the reality of the experience myself.) My childhood holidays were different. I remember a lot of drunken yelling and slamming of doors and then sitting at an over-done formal table, plastering a smile on for the Polaroid to show how “happy” and “normal” we were. Then everyone scattering…
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Church Youth Group: The second most likely place for childhood abuse (!!)
Well. It’s the time again. Let’s talk about where your children are most likely to be sexually abused. Today I read an article from a pediatrician citing church youth group as the second most common place that her patients are sexually abused. (And she sees 1-2 children per week who have been sexually abused!!) This makes me sick. This makes me angry. And this make me long to try to encourage you all, once again, to (please oh please!) stop pretending that children are not at risk in your church. I have been writing on this topic for years. I have been encouraging you, pleading with you, to become better informed by reading excellent, excellent resources…
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99.9999999999% Sure Our Friends Won’t Sexually Abuse You
[From the archives …] I had to go back to Sophia this week to apologize and clarify something … In our “Safe Side Super Chick” and “Right Touch” discussions, we have often talked about why, as a general family rule, we don’t “do” sleepovers. It is a high-risk situation for children and if we don’t know, really know, and trust, really trust, the family, then we just don’t do it. It doesn’t matter that they are members of our church with whom we have only ever had positive interactions. It doesn’t matter if we think they’re wonderful, kind, fabulous people who by all appearances seem to be the sort of people who…