Eulogy for a Bad Mother
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The Post-It Notes I Scribbled the Day Before My Mother Died
[From the archives. A few weeks after my mother died in December of 2012.] I finally dragged myself out of bed yesterday to tackle some of the dust bunnies (really Golden Retriever bunnies) that have accumulated in our bedroom and when I was swiffering out under our bed, the following note scritched its way off of our hardwood floor: “More out of it. Wheezing. Declined a LOT today. On morphine and ativan for comfort. Flailing arms–a sign of breathing problems. Death is imminent. Deep, deep decline. Inserted a foley catheter because she can’t get out of bed any more. Can you come right away?” Yes. It was the scrap of…
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Easter Makes Me Think of Death—But That’s OK
Our Easter this year will be a very strange one. Rather than church services and corporate hymns (“Christ has Arisen, Alleluia!” and “Christ the Lord is Risen Today!”), our family will be 50 feet under the ocean enjoying a strangely-timed (but I’m sure enjoyable) SCUBA trip. Still. It’s Easter Week. And that means I’ve been thinking through our Lord’s final steps on this planet. (Maundy Thursday wasn’t just a packing day to me.) And Easter, as always, will not only turn my heart towards the Triune God with my life-long desire to be with him, Easter will first turn my heart towards death. My heart grieves on Easter Day because it was…
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The Last Words My Mother Ever Said to Me (This is a Sad/Disturbing Post That You May Want to Skip)
A few days before the one year anniversary of my mother’s passing, I wrote this post. I still miss her every day. *** In a few days, it will be one year since my mother passed away. In general, I’m in a very happy and relaxed state this Advent and it is a sweet Christmas season for our young family. (Ella is the only person I have ever met who genuinely lights up with deep joy at Christmas decorations in the MALL because she just loves the red and green and sparkles and FUN so much. Her enthusiasm is definitely infectious and we’re all pretty jolly around here. In general.) But every once in…
- Eulogy for a Bad Mother, Grace in Daily Life, Hope in Suffering, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Your Childhood Does Not Determine Your Life
This past weekend, Fred and I had more time than usual to just talk and visit. It was such a grace to me because I am currently so tired—tired to my bones tired (physically); tired and weeping a lot (emotionally) … intellectually, relationally … spent. So listening to Fred tell me new stories from his childhood—and replaying various moments from our courtship and falling in love season of life? Well. It was sweet and I am grateful. I am also grateful for just how much all of our discussions reminded me of the truth that I could never have experienced (almost!) twenty years of marriage and friendship and love with…
- Eulogy for a Bad Mother, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Perfectionism & Shame, Sin & Repentance, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Sane Faith in the Insanity of Life (David Powlison)
I’m rereading some of my old CCEF Journal of Biblical Counseling articles (on good old fashioned paper) and I’m also beginning to get acquainted with their online library. This classic series from David Powlison is on the CCEF website and I encourage you to slowly read and process it, especially if, like me, you are convicted that some areas of your life are in need of serious change: Sane Faith in the Insanity of Life In it, he discusses five people struggling with various challenges in life: “Each of these five stories describes a person who needs help in order to face up, to deal, to change. But these people…
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“One reason people cling to the hurts they have received is that it gives them an excuse for being angry …”
My friend and one of my heroes of the faith, Ajith Fernando, graciously gave me permission to share this with you. It includes some of his key teachings from Reclaiming Love: Radical Relationships in a Complex World (which I just ordered and am looking very forward to reading). Ajith has a particular burden for this topic because of the deep hurt that angry Christian leaders can cause. RESIDUAL ANGER Ajith Fernando A few days ago I realised that Paul used the words “rejoice,” “rejoiced,” “joy,” and “glad” a total of sixteen times in the Epistle to the Philippians. The great Bible scholar A. T. Robertson aptly named his classic exposition on Philippians, Paul’s…
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My Keynote: How Did I Forgive and Love My Mother?
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It’s Really Possible to Reconcile the Most Broken Mother-Daughter Relationship
Words to Live By is re-airing my mother’s and my story this week and you are invited to listen in online! I mention this in particular for those of us whom God, in his sovereign goodness, had us grow up in an abusive childhood home. And now, years later, we may be struggling to interact with our parents in appropriate (i.e., not judgmental/embittered), eternity-focused (grace-filled, wanting to share the hope of the gospel) ways. Life is so short. Don’t kid yourself—parents die. Don’t assume you’ll always have time to make it right or forgive “tomorrow.” Today is the day! In view of GOD’S mercies, offer your bodies as living sacrifices.…
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I just finished writing my Eulogy for my mother …
I think my sister did a lovely job on the obituary for my mother, so I thought I would share it with you. I actually took the photo we used. The original background is our couch and Ella is on her lap! But Fred did magical computery things with Photoshop to make it copy better in newspapers and I think it turned out great. I love her eyes and her smile. In addition to ordering flowers, everything for the luncheon, and creating the bulletin/handout for the service, I also took a few minutes today to write my eulogy for my mother. It was not hard to do. There are so…