Hope in Suffering
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Not Excusing — But Grieving and Forgiving
Recently, I was hurt deeply by a family member who used to be close to me. It would not be appropriate to go into the details in this public forum, but suffice it to say, my heart was gravely wounded. The hurt was so deep, in fact, that at first I did not even understand it myself. Like a bad cut with a sharp knife—it doesn’t even hurt at first. You can see both sides of your living flesh split open and for a millisecond there isn’t even blood, but then. But then. The blood starts to gush and the pain is extreme and you know that this is not…
- Fear Not!, Hope in Suffering, Redeeming Church Conflicts, Redemptive Relationships, Relationships & Peacemaking, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Apart from a miracle, a good relationship with this person is probably never going to happen. That’s OK. Grieve it. And LET. IT. GO.
I once received an email from a good friend (let’s call her “Mary”), who wanted to know if I had any ideas for how she could minister to someone in her workplace (a Christian parachurch ministry) who was suffering greatly because of a difficult relationship with her parents. Apparently, this coworker was “terrified” of this relationship (to use her own words); she was “distraught” and “destroyed” over how they treated her. Knowing that some of us have similar difficult relationships in our lives, I thought I would redact the identifying information and share some of my response with you. I hope it is a blessing to you! Sending my love—…
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Are you fearful and guarded after repeated times of getting kicked down, gracelessly criticized, and alienated by professing Christians? Could you use a little comforting and assurance? If so, then William P. Smith’s new book is for you!
As he has done so often in his previous writings, William P. Smith gets right to the cry of my heart in his latest book: “Assurance-Resting in God’s Salvation.” Rather than toying with my minor fears or batting a few Scriptures in the general direction of my lesser concerns, Smith instead begins by expounding on a number of substantive passages about God. And once he has our hearts focused on exactly where they ought to be, he then asks the million dollar question for all of us who struggle with weak faith and loud, distracting doubts: “Are you used to thinking of God as someone who cares about doubters…
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Peeling Back the Layers of our Complex Pain: Our past is important, but not determinative
Angry people are sometimes sinfully angry; and sometimes angry people are fearful people who have no idea how frightened (and frightening) they are. Avoidance of duties may be sinful laziness and sloth, but sometimes it can be genuine exhaustion that comes from our trying (consciously or unconsciously) to stomp down and avoid deep grief and pain. Some of us are sinfully proud and foolish re: receiving criticism; but some of us want to listen to criticism and want to be readily teachable and growing in wisdom, but the graceless criticism of today sometimes presses on a shaming memory with such ferocity that even we are shocked by how quickly and high we “jump” or “kick” emotionally in response. Like…
- Eulogy for a Bad Mother, Hope in Suffering, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Our reactions to grievous wrongs are muddy, not tidy.
Hot tears streamed down my face for three connecting flights as I traveled from Montana to Florida last week to serve at a women’s retreat. I didn’t make any sounds. No sobs. No words. But I must admit, I did feel badly for the elite flyers / business travelers seated around me. They were polite and didn’t acknowledge my soaking neck or my occasional brushes to my cheek with a tissue. But I knew full well that my actions and my emotional state were far beyond the bell curve of the normal million-miler frequent flyer pattern of Bose earphones, laptops, no eye contact, no chatting, and seriously! No crying! Oh well. There was…
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Forgiving is the Hardest Thing You Will Ever Do
As a professional Christian mediator for over 20 years, I have walked with many people through dark seasons of life. You can call it depression. Despair. The Black Dog. A valley. A dark night of the soul. Choose your term. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that it hurts to live. People can’t breathe. There is daily weeping, wailing. Sometimes people freeze. Just lie there day after day. Not moving. Incapable of distraction. Exhausted but unable to sleep. Thoughts spiraling down and down. Do you know people who are suffering like this? Maybe it is your pastor in a huge church conflict. A friend. Relative. You. Over time, if…
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A subdued Christmas? Sometimes. A happy Christmas? Always! And that is what I wish for you this Christmas. (by Ajith Fernando)
As I pray for the 2018 Urbana Missions Conference, of course I pray specifically for our dear friend, Ajith Fernando. Please do pray for this dear pastor and brother in Christ (and his family–who sacrifices each day to support and enable his ministry). And please be blessed by his reflections on Christmas! (I’ve highlighted a few passages in it–so please note that the emphases are mine.) Happy, Blessed Christmas to you, my friends– Yours in Christ, Tara B. A SUBDUED CHRISTMAS by Ajith Fernando “Some of you were a little concerned that in my last letter I seemed to be open to the possibility of not going to Urbana because…
- Hope in Suffering, Redeeming Church Conflicts, Redemptive Relationships, Relationships & Peacemaking
A FREE Women’s Retreat — from our family to you! No travel required. Just grab your Bible, a cup of tea, and if you can–a beautiful view and a REAL (i.e., grace-filled, wise, compassionate, FAITHFUL–friend). And enjoy!
Earlier today, I was poking around some old files and I found all of the audio recordings that I did for the beautiful women of the beautiful Camp Barakel just a few years ago. Since I assume that a few of you, like me, might be struggling a bit with lingering sorrow, heartbreaking confusion, or simple relational pain and loneliness … I thought it might be a good time to review God’s Word, meditate on Truth, grieve as needed, and most of all … be refreshed in Christ, our Savior. Our God. Our Brother and our Friend. And so. Here is a little FREE RETREAT from our family…
- Hope in Suffering, Redeeming Church Conflicts, Redemptive Relationships, Relationships & Peacemaking, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
We can’t talk about forgiveness without acknowledging the reality of pain …
I was trying to find the desk in my office the other day (I assume that if I can unearth the desk, there might even be a FLOOR in there somewhere) … and I came across my notes from a Conference I attended years ago. The speakers were wonderfully challenging and comforting (a good combination): – Tim Laniak drew a frighteningly accurate portrait of what happens when shepherding is corrupted and becomes only heavy/crushing accountability or namby-pamby bedside pastoral care. Having spent years living among and studying the Bedouin shepherds, Dr. Laniak has no ‘precious moments’ ceramic figurine portrait of what it means to be a shepherd. Instead, he explained that…
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If you are ever going to become a credible theologian instead of a know-it-all pundit, you had best restart your life on firmer ground …
As I read this words from Dr. Michael Kruger’s Canon Fodder blog (quickly becoming one of my favorites), it reminded me of a passage in a Kevin DeYoung book that I have reflected on previously. (Rev. DeYoung is pretty much nose-to-nose with Ed Welch as my favorite contemporary author these days.) First. Dr. Kruger: “There are countless stories of evangelicals who head off to Ph.D. programs in hopes of becoming a professor and having a positive influence in the secular university environment. This is particularly the case in the fields of biblical studies or philosophical theology. And such aspirations are certainly commendable. Unfortunately, the outcome of such endeavors is not always as expected. While these evangelicals…