Hope in Suffering
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How to Write a Eulogy for a Bad Mother / a Mother Who Didn’t Love You
(This is a re-post from 2013. To read more about this topic, I encourage you to read all of the posts in my “Eulogy for a Bad Mother” category. There aren’t many, but they may be helpful to you.) Tomorrow it will be four months to the day since my mother died. I cry less, but I still cry. My dreams are not as disturbed as they were at first—but I do still have those particularly troubling ones wherein I am leading my mother out of her nursing home and tucking her into the car to get her the heck away from there. And as I am doing so, I’m thinking to myself,…
- Eulogy for a Bad Mother, Hope in Suffering, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
“Sometimes even people who care an awful lot have other things on their mind …”
As many of you have known for years (and as I have spoken of publicly only because my mother gave me her express permission to do so), my mother was a recovering alcoholic. “AA” (Alcoholics Anonymous) has been a tremendous evidence of God’s common grace in her life and truly, her closest friends here in Battle Creek, Michigan are friends she and Charlie made through AA. So we are particularly blessed to have their help and creative generosity in planning the service we will share this coming Saturday morning to honor my mother’s memory: An Open Memorial Speaker Meeting in Honor of Kathy Kroncke Ford To be held Saturday, December…
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Wise Counsel and Loving Actions for a Depressed Friend
Throughout my life, I have been the blessed recipient of some truly wise counsel and loving actions by friends as I have walked through dark seasons (depression, the valley of despair, grief, the Black Dog—whatever you care to call it). Thinking that some of their ministry ideas might help you to serve someone in your life who is also going through a difficult time, I thought I would list a few out for you: 1. Presence without harsh judgment and without agenda: Since I was already feeling like the worst Christian (worst wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister) in the world, harsh criticism would have only crushed a bruised reed. But…
- Hope in Suffering, Redeeming Church Conflicts, Relationships & Peacemaking, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Boundaries? Or Wisdom + Love? (Careful! You cannot raise these issues casually.)
Since my current life situation is giving me some SERIOUS temptations to move in the direction of self-protection; and since I KNOW that any level of overly-self-focus is never a good thing, I turned to an oldie but goodie article this evening to help reorient my heart … Ed Welch’s (excellent!) writing on “Boundaries” in the Spring 2004 Journal of Biblical Counseling is a total keeper. I re-read it often and I thought you might enjoy a few of my notes too. Here are just a few highlights: – Even “Christian” books will encourage you to “set a personal boundary” and “just say no.” But is that how we should think about such…
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Never Say These Things to Someone Who is Suffering!
Ed Welch taught me (and convicted me) AGAIN with his recent article over on the CCEF website: “More Things Not to Say to Those Who are Suffering” In it, he makes many great points, but let me just tempt you to read it all by sharing just a snippet: Here is something that I have heard a number of times on the ‘Not Helpful’ list. I have heard it often enough that it deserves to become part of our body of pastoral wisdom: Never say ‘If you need anything, please call me.’ Those who mentioned it didn’t say that the comment was meaningless to them, though it was. They said that…
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How to help (really help!) when a family is in crisis …
Back before Facebook, people grouped together through ancient things called discussion boards. A number of women and I used to meet online together to discuss topics related to biblical peacemaking, friendship, and redemptive relationships. We called ourselves the “PeaceGals” and one of my favorite friends in life was a founding member–Ruth Moran. Ruth was a brilliant, godly, loving wife, mother, teacher, and friend. She passed away after a valiant battle with cancer, but before she died, she honored us all with a list of things we should all learn to say when someone is in need. Rather than a generic, “I want to help!” or “Let me know if I can do…
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She Views the Whole of Me Through the Lens of the Worst of Me
Have you ever had a confusing over-reaction to something someone says or does? I have. Years ago, I was confronted by one of those women who just always seem to have it all together. (Do you know any women like that?) I had invited her confrontation in my life. I wanted to grow and change. I know that redemptive criticism is an important part of maturing. But man! When she started in on her LIST I felt like I was being shot with a big gun right through my heart. I couldn’t even understand what I was feeling more or less what I was thinking. The power of speech had left me entirely and in…
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Christians have suicidal thoughts. You are not alone. There is help.
So today’s Ravi Zacharian International Ministry’s devotional taught me something that I never knew before … Dr. Zacharias himself wrote the message today. It is entitled, ‘Our Father the Weaver’ and I would post it here if their copyright so allowed, but it doesn’t. Sorry! Dr. Zacharias has long been one of my favorite theologians/authors—but other than years of study and growth in grace, I really didn’t have any ‘inside scoop’ as to his biblical precision, humility, hopefulness. Until today. In today’s devotion, he granted us all a glance into one of the sources of his deep faith in God’s sovereignty even in the midst of terrific suffering. You see ……
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Counsel to Myself from 11 Years Ago
In cleaning out my office yesterday, I came across my very old pack of Bible memory cards. I used to go through them every day (until I had the verses memorized) and I would also review various sermon illustrations, teachings I received from friends and spiritual mothers, people and ministries for intercessory prayer, and the (many!) things I needed to repent of. A lot. It’s embarrassing to see how far I still have to go re: these important areas of my life. But it’s also sweet, too, to see God’s grace at work in my life and His kindness and care for me, even while I am still so very…
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The Only Way to Overcome Evil and Fear is with Goodness and Love
I’m not sure from where I took these notes, but they are around ten years old, so I’m assuming they are a combination of sermons, people from my church, and anything and everything from CCEF: “When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?” Psalm 56:3-4 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.” … “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged!” From Deuteronomy 31 The only way…