How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict
- Eulogy for a Bad Mother, Hope in Suffering, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Our reactions to grievous wrongs are muddy, not tidy.
Hot tears streamed down my face for three connecting flights as I traveled from Montana to Florida last week to serve at a women’s retreat. I didn’t make any sounds. No sobs. No words. But I must admit, I did feel badly for the elite flyers / business travelers seated around me. They were polite and didn’t acknowledge my soaking neck or my occasional brushes to my cheek with a tissue. But I knew full well that my actions and my emotional state were far beyond the bell curve of the normal million-miler frequent flyer pattern of Bose earphones, laptops, no eye contact, no chatting, and seriously! No crying! Oh well. There was…
- Eulogy for a Bad Mother, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
My (Potential) Eulogy for My Mother
Having just tried to practice my mother’s eulogy out loud in the quietness of my hotel room; and having dissolved into tears. Again. I’m giving myself pretty much a 100% chance of not being able to get through it tomorrow morning at her memorial service. So, of course, I just asked my sister to promise to NOT make fun of the “professional speaker” who falls apart … and I thought it might be a good idea to post the content here so one day I can look back on what I meant to say. Tara Barthel’s Eulogy for her Mother Kathryn Kroncke Ford November 13, 1944 – December 18, 2012 My mother had…
- Eulogy for a Bad Mother, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Should a Christian Put Up “Boundaries” with a Mentally Ill Addict (Who Happens to be Her Mother)?
As a professional Christian mediator for over twenty years now, I have the privilege of participating in webinars with Christian conciliators from around the world. Yesterday, we discussed the topic of forgiveness and how hard it can for us to forgive and to help the parties we serve to forgive, especially when there are complicating factors like dangerous situation, active addictions, and undiagnosed/untreaated mental illnesses. One of the conciliators brought up the (oft’ popular) idea of “boundaries.” and whether we should, as Christian conciliators, be promoting “boundaries” with our clients. I’ve actually been thinking about this topic a lot lately because Words to Live By just sent me another letter giving me a heads-up that they will be…
- Eulogy for a Bad Mother, Hope in Suffering, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
“Sometimes even people who care an awful lot have other things on their mind …”
As many of you have known for years (and as I have spoken of publicly only because my mother gave me her express permission to do so), my mother was a recovering alcoholic. “AA” (Alcoholics Anonymous) has been a tremendous evidence of God’s common grace in her life and truly, her closest friends here in Battle Creek, Michigan are friends she and Charlie made through AA. So we are particularly blessed to have their help and creative generosity in planning the service we will share this coming Saturday morning to honor my mother’s memory: An Open Memorial Speaker Meeting in Honor of Kathy Kroncke Ford To be held Saturday, December…
- Child Protection / Abuse in the Church, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Peace Amidst Holiday Strife, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Family Holidays with Drunks, Addicts, and People Who Do Not Like You
It wasn’t until God saved me as a teenager and I began to be invited into people’s homes and holiday celebrations that I learned first-hand that sometimes, families really liked to gather with one another at the holidays and that sometimes, decorations were lovely; music was redemptive; and food was delicious. (I had read about such things in books as a child, but never had the reality of the experience myself.) My childhood holidays were different. I remember a lot of drunken yelling and slamming of doors and then sitting at an over-done formal table, plastering a smile on for the Polaroid to show how “happy” and “normal” we were. Then everyone scattering…
- Eulogy for a Bad Mother, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Redemptive Relationships, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Back When I Really Didn’t Care if My Mother Went to Hell
I usually share bits and pieces of my testimony whenever I speak at women’s retreats and conferences. (If you’re curious, you can hear my testimony, a Christmas keynote on “Peace at the Holidays,” and a bunch of other teachings for free on this “FREE AUDIO DOWNLOADS” page of my website.) And afterwards, I am almost always asked the same question: How did you ever START to build a real relationship with your (mentally ill, addict/drunk) mother who (sometimes intentionally but more often than not inadvertently) treated you so neglectfully / abusively / just downright terribly for so many years? I have thought and prayed for YEARS about a blog series on this…
- Hope in Suffering, How to Love a Mentally Ill Addict, Redeeming Church Conflicts, Redemptive Relationships, Relationships & Peacemaking, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Sticking with People is Frustrating … You Will Suffer Pain if You are Committed to People
What a contrast in articles! The first is what I would charitably characterize as a, well, not very gracious, thoughtful, or helpful article on why every woman should “ditch the guilt” dropping her little baby off with the “professionals” because staying home with young children can “drive you bonkers,” “give you a back problem and a brain ache,” and women “just need more.” (If you’re really interested, you can read it here, but I think there are far better articles “out there” that graciously and intelligently address this important wisdom issue. And I do think it is a wisdom issue—so discernment, humility, and love are required when we talk about…
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The Post-It Notes I Scribbled the Day Before My Mother Died
[From the archives. A few weeks after my mother died in December of 2012.] I finally dragged myself out of bed yesterday to tackle some of the dust bunnies (really Golden Retriever bunnies) that have accumulated in our bedroom and when I was swiffering out under our bed, the following note scritched its way off of our hardwood floor: “More out of it. Wheezing. Declined a LOT today. On morphine and ativan for comfort. Flailing arms–a sign of breathing problems. Death is imminent. Deep, deep decline. Inserted a foley catheter because she can’t get out of bed any more. Can you come right away?” Yes. It was the scrap of…
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Teach Your Kids from Your Weaknesses! (Romans 12: Duty, Depravity, and Destiny …)
This morning, I told my girls THE Romans 12 story. Some of you have heard it. You know. That time when I was SO MAD that I ripped my Bible — WHILE sitting in my Director’s chair at The Institute for Christian Conciliation. My friend lovingly counseled me right into repentance and faith, basically by making me read Romans 12 out loud to her over the telephone. Yup. Not my best moment. But it sure has been LIFE CHANGING for me re: how God’s mercy calls me to respond when people treat me poorly. (Oh. And my kids LOVED this story. MAN! Do they pay attention when we teach from…
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Easter Makes Me Think of Death—But That’s OK
Our Easter this year will be a very strange one. Rather than church services and corporate hymns (“Christ has Arisen, Alleluia!” and “Christ the Lord is Risen Today!”), our family will be 50 feet under the ocean enjoying a strangely-timed (but I’m sure enjoyable) SCUBA trip. Still. It’s Easter Week. And that means I’ve been thinking through our Lord’s final steps on this planet. (Maundy Thursday wasn’t just a packing day to me.) And Easter, as always, will not only turn my heart towards the Triune God with my life-long desire to be with him, Easter will first turn my heart towards death. My heart grieves on Easter Day because it was…