Momma Tara~Parenting
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What I Tell My Pre-Teen About Porn
Yesterday, I did a quick check-in with my preteen daughter about how her heart and mind were doing re: inadvertent exposure to sexual or violent images. I use different words, of course. Otherwise, the very act of asking about things could create trouble—and I surely don’t want to do that! But as we were there, nose-to-nose, snuggling and talking about important things, I asked if she had seen anything troubling or tempting on any technology or on a bookshelf at a friend’s home or in a store, etc. She mentioned how the title “The Lady with the Dragon Tattoo” had created in her a desire for a second glance when she saw…
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I couldn’t sort out my feelings, but now that I have, it’s too late …
“I couldn’t sort out my feelings, But now that I have, it’s too late. Right now, more than anything else, I wish that time could wait.” Earlier this weekend, I found this (poem? prose? sliver of a journal entry?) on a crumpled piece of notebook paper in my “I’ll get to it One Day or my kids will throw it all out for me one day when I am gone” area of my work space. Do you have an area like that? I used to PRIDE myself on NOT having an area “like that.” But then I woke up one morning and realized that all of the people I trusted…
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How to Work Together as Friends to Protect Our Children from Sexual Predators
I do not want to raise my children to live lives of fear. I do not want them to think that most “don’t knows” are out to harm them. (We use the Safe Side Super Chick term “don’t know” rather than “stranger” because most people who do hurt children are not strangers—they are “kinda knows.” Children kinda know their coaches, their distant uncles, the nice new man at their church.) At the same time, I do not want to raise them to be naive. Even in just my brief time leading The Institute for Christian Conciliation, I learned of many cases of children being molested in churches. Most churches and most Christians are just way too trusting of people!…
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“But Mom! I don’t know HOW to change!”
When our three year-old was processing all sorts of deep three year-old thoughts, she wanted to stay up with the three of us and keep cuddling (rather than going to bed, alone, at an appropriate time for a three year-old). Our conversation went something like this: E: “I know that it’s OK to be sad and cry, Mom, but I’m also remembering that it’s not OK for my sadness to “go off of this path of sadness” (she held out her right hand; in our family that indicates the path of faith, righteousness, wise choices, blessings, and safety) “and onto this path of anger and having a fit” (she held out…
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Even a child who does a VERY bad thing CAN be forgiven! (What a weird thing to stumble onto this draft of a parenting blog I wrote 5+ YEARS ago!)
It is March of 2018 and earlier today I was poking around my old blog entries, looking for one I had written on the topic of boundaries, when I stumbled onto this (never posted) DRAFT of a post about parenting one of my children from over six YEARS ago. Crazy! It felt like I was in a time warp as I read it. I’m going to redact the name because I don’t think it’s necessary to the content–but I’ll let Ella’s sweet photo from years ago stand because she is SO Ella-rific exuberant that whenever I see this photo, I think of PRAISING GOD and rejoicing in him. And that’s the foundation I…
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Loving Confrontation Will Not Ultimately Harm Us (Even if It Hurts)
Talking with someone about an apparent sin or temptation has to be one of the most difficult things to do in all of life. Yesterday, my five year-old brought some excellent questions about why Galatians 6:1 “rescue” and Matthew 7 “helping someone with the speck in their eye” are not the same thing as being the “proud, super-holy, Pharisee people” (in Luke 7) who judged the woman who was wiping Jesus’ feet with her tears and her hair: “Aren’t we JUDGING and thinking we are BETTER when we talk with people about this hard stuff?” she asked me, so sincerely. What a good question! And what a loooooooong conversation we had to…
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The Most Important Thing We Will Give Our Children During These Growing Up Years
I had SUCH a strong inclination to just pull the covers up over my head this morning and HIDE AWAY from all of my duties. It was just one of those Mondays. But then I put one foot in front of the other and tried to enjoy each task. Starting with an extra long cuddle/visit time with Sophia. There’s just something so sweet about those early morning hours when everyone else is asleep and we can talk nose-to-nose under the covers. I was also truly blessed and encouraged when a good friend emailed me about something I need to pick up at her home today. Rather than just coordinating times,…
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Tiger Mother Moment
I’m assuming that most of you have already read the Wall Street Journal “Tiger Mother” Article. If not, you might want to pop over and give it a glance. This woman says some amazing things and you’ll probably have a strong reaction to much of what she writes. (And if you’re really curious, you can read thousands of comments and responses to it, including In Defense of the Guilty, Ambivalent, Preoccupied Western Mom.) In light of the millions of words you can already read analyzing the strengths and weaknesses and theologically-errant and behaviorally-questionable aspects of “the tiger mother”, I’m not going to even dip my toe into that water beyond…
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99.9999999999% Sure Our Friends Won’t Sexually Abuse You
[From the archives …] I had to go back to Sophia this week to apologize and clarify something … In our “Safe Side Super Chick” and “Right Touch” discussions, we have often talked about why, as a general family rule, we don’t “do” sleepovers. It is a high-risk situation for children and if we don’t know, really know, and trust, really trust, the family, then we just don’t do it. It doesn’t matter that they are members of our church with whom we have only ever had positive interactions. It doesn’t matter if we think they’re wonderful, kind, fabulous people who by all appearances seem to be the sort of people who…
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Teach Your Kids from Your Weaknesses! (Romans 12: Duty, Depravity, and Destiny …)
This morning, I told my girls THE Romans 12 story. Some of you have heard it. You know. That time when I was SO MAD that I ripped my Bible — WHILE sitting in my Director’s chair at The Institute for Christian Conciliation. My friend lovingly counseled me right into repentance and faith, basically by making me read Romans 12 out loud to her over the telephone. Yup. Not my best moment. But it sure has been LIFE CHANGING for me re: how God’s mercy calls me to respond when people treat me poorly. (Oh. And my kids LOVED this story. MAN! Do they pay attention when we teach from…