Relationships & Peacemaking
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This Church Conflict Originated in Hell
Back in 2009, pastor (and cartoonist!) Joe McKeever had a particularly insightful post about the origins of church conflict. To encourage you to click on through and read the entire post, let me tempt you with a few excerpts of his descriptions of two different church conflicts: “My quick assessment, based solely on my friend’s account, is that such an immature pastor has no business leading a congregation. He is not a shepherd who cares for his flock. He is cowardly. (He refused to talk to the woman whom he accused of wrong before hearing her, then turned around and wronged her!) Furthermore, he forbids the church staff from having anything further…
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Created for Community (HT: Paul Tripp)
Another great read by Paul Tripp: Created for Community I encourage you to read the entire article and I’ll tempt you with just a few excerpts (emphasis mine–don’t miss the bold paragraph!): “People are created for community. We are made in the likeness of a God who not only is committed to community and calls us to community, but is Himself a community. He did not structure us to live in isolation and autonomy. He created us to live in two essential communities: a loving, worshipful, and dependent community with Him, and a loving, serving, interdependent community with one another. We will never be what we are supposed to…
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Unmediated is Better
I continue to learn from Tim Challies through his book, The Next Generation: Life and Faith After the Digital Explosion. Chapter 5, “Life in the REAL WORLD (Mediation / Identity)” has had me mulling for days now. In it, he defines “medium” as “something that stands between.” Then he discusses how “medium” is at the root of the word “mediator”, so when we talk about mediation in reference to our communication via digital technology, we are talking about some kind of “device or tool or technology that delivers some kind of data or information. It stands between the one who creates sounds or images and the one who receives them.”…
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Church leaders are often afraid of their WOMEN
Wow. Don’t miss this read over at byFaith Magazine: The Session and Women’s Ministry It’s long–but worth the read. I’ll tempt you with just a few excerpts: – How do elders approach women in ministry in their congregations? ‘Men are afraid of women. We’re often content to be at arms’ length from them.’ A prominent PCA pastor says it simply. . … The unease between elders and women’s ministries is not always active. Instead, it can be a function of disconnection. ‘While there are isolated examples of abuse in this relationship, usually it’s much more subtle,’ said Jane Patete, women’s ministries coordinator for the PCA’s Christian Education and Publications…
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People are lured into church by hearing the language of intimacy and authenticity …
From one of my favorite books published this year … William P. Smith’s Loving Well Even If You Haven’t Been: “People are lured into church by hearing the language of intimacy, authenticity, and genuineness, but when they experience their absence, they are left feeling even more hurt than before. They had hoped finally to find a safe place where they could experience being loved, only to realize that Christians are not really all that good at it. Instead of being welcomed and embraced, often they can end up isolated and alone. So they walk away discouraged and cynical—with good reason.” [A re-post from 2012]
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Unconditionally and Unselfishly Committed to One Another
From Tim Keller’s post, Living Stones—Intense Community: “… The Bible tells us we were built for covenantal relationships. We want and need to have other persons unconditionally, unselfishly committed to us, and we to them. Christian theology tells us we were made in the image of God, and that God is a Trinity. Jesus said he never did anything, said anything, or accomplished anything without his Father. The persons of the Trinity are absolutely one—each person does everything with the others. We were meant to live like that. Sin, of course, makes all human community difficult and at times painful. But it is suicidal to avoid all food just because…
- Hope in Suffering, Redeeming Church Conflicts, Relationships & Peacemaking, Surviving a Childhood of Neglect and Abuse
Boundaries? Or Wisdom + Love? (Careful! You cannot raise these issues casually.)
Since my current life situation is giving me some SERIOUS temptations to move in the direction of self-protection; and since I KNOW that any level of overly-self-focus is never a good thing, I turned to an oldie but goodie article this evening to help reorient my heart … Ed Welch’s (excellent!) writing on “Boundaries” in the Spring 2004 Journal of Biblical Counseling is a total keeper. I re-read it often and I thought you might enjoy a few of my notes too. Here are just a few highlights: – Even “Christian” books will encourage you to “set a personal boundary” and “just say no.” But is that how we should think about such…
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This confrontation was hard — but oh, so good.
Recently, I was confronted on an important topic by someone I trust and admire. Thankfully, God had graciously helped me to prepare for this meeting by calling me to prayer, reflection (I mentally worked through the Scripture passages and questions in the very same “Peacemaker Workbook” that I have used with mediation clients for over twenty years now), and listening to two spiritually-mature, insightful friends who know me quite well (and thus, they know my strengths, weaknesses, and proclivities in general). So I was in a pretty good place when the meeting started and I can honestly say that the vast majority of the meeting was deeply enjoyable for me. I had the privilege of…
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She Views the Whole of Me Through the Lens of the Worst of Me
Have you ever had a confusing over-reaction to something someone says or does? I have. Years ago, I was confronted by one of those women who just always seem to have it all together. (Do you know any women like that?) I had invited her confrontation in my life. I wanted to grow and change. I know that redemptive criticism is an important part of maturing. But man! When she started in on her LIST I felt like I was being shot with a big gun right through my heart. I couldn’t even understand what I was feeling more or less what I was thinking. The power of speech had left me entirely and in…
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How DARE the pastor say that I shouldn’t take communion! Just because I’m in this big fight with someone in my church? How dare he! (Or. Dare he not?)
I always enjoy Dave’s posts over at our Redeeming Church Conflicts.com site. But this post was particularly challenging and edifying for me: Fencing Over Fights I hope you will click through and read the entire post, but for a quick summary, let me just say that Dave reminds us all of the seriousness of coming to the Lord’s Table in an unworthy manner; especially the warning in Matthew 5:23-24 concerning partaking in corporate worship before making any effort to reconcile broken relationships. He then responds to the people who were, shall we say, not pleased with this “fencing” of the Table when it happened recently at his church. One reason why I think…