Sin & Repentance
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Not Excusing — But Grieving and Forgiving
Recently, I was hurt deeply by a family member who used to be close to me. It would not be appropriate to go into the details in this public forum, but suffice it to say, my heart was gravely wounded. The hurt was so deep, in fact, that at first I did not even understand it myself. Like a bad cut with a sharp knife—it doesn’t even hurt at first. You can see both sides of your living flesh split open and for a millisecond there isn’t even blood, but then. But then. The blood starts to gush and the pain is extreme and you know that this is not…
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I could have SUED and WON. Almost guaranteed. All it would have cost me was my integrity.
Yesterday, I strongly urged my friend to speak with a lawyer before accepting or declining a financial settlement she was offered after she was gravely injured in a retail business. Our conversation reminded me of this post from way back in 2015 … The entire situation was so strange—but also, I did see many evidences of God’s grace at work in the story. It was good to pause, remember, and make a little e-stone-of-remembrance so that one day, like Samuel in 1 Samuel 7:12, my family and I can raise our Ebenezer to God’s gracious provision in helping us. (Plus, there are elements of the story that are just plain funny. So I…
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Forgiving is the Hardest Thing You Will Ever Do
As a professional Christian mediator for over 20 years, I have walked with many people through dark seasons of life. You can call it depression. Despair. The Black Dog. A valley. A dark night of the soul. Choose your term. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that it hurts to live. People can’t breathe. There is daily weeping, wailing. Sometimes people freeze. Just lie there day after day. Not moving. Incapable of distraction. Exhausted but unable to sleep. Thoughts spiraling down and down. Do you know people who are suffering like this? Maybe it is your pastor in a huge church conflict. A friend. Relative. You. Over time, if…
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“But Mom! I don’t know HOW to change!”
When our three year-old was processing all sorts of deep three year-old thoughts, she wanted to stay up with the three of us and keep cuddling (rather than going to bed, alone, at an appropriate time for a three year-old). Our conversation went something like this: E: “I know that it’s OK to be sad and cry, Mom, but I’m also remembering that it’s not OK for my sadness to “go off of this path of sadness” (she held out her right hand; in our family that indicates the path of faith, righteousness, wise choices, blessings, and safety) “and onto this path of anger and having a fit” (she held out…
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This confrontation was hard — but oh, so good.
Recently, I was confronted on an important topic by someone I trust and admire. Thankfully, God had graciously helped me to prepare for this meeting by calling me to prayer, reflection (I mentally worked through the Scripture passages and questions in the very same “Peacemaker Workbook” that I have used with mediation clients for over twenty years now), and listening to two spiritually-mature, insightful friends who know me quite well (and thus, they know my strengths, weaknesses, and proclivities in general). So I was in a pretty good place when the meeting started and I can honestly say that the vast majority of the meeting was deeply enjoyable for me. I had the privilege of…
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How DARE the pastor say that I shouldn’t take communion! Just because I’m in this big fight with someone in my church? How dare he! (Or. Dare he not?)
I always enjoy Dave’s posts over at our Redeeming Church Conflicts.com site. But this post was particularly challenging and edifying for me: Fencing Over Fights I hope you will click through and read the entire post, but for a quick summary, let me just say that Dave reminds us all of the seriousness of coming to the Lord’s Table in an unworthy manner; especially the warning in Matthew 5:23-24 concerning partaking in corporate worship before making any effort to reconcile broken relationships. He then responds to the people who were, shall we say, not pleased with this “fencing” of the Table when it happened recently at his church. One reason why I think…
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Counsel to Myself from 11 Years Ago
In cleaning out my office yesterday, I came across my very old pack of Bible memory cards. I used to go through them every day (until I had the verses memorized) and I would also review various sermon illustrations, teachings I received from friends and spiritual mothers, people and ministries for intercessory prayer, and the (many!) things I needed to repent of. A lot. It’s embarrassing to see how far I still have to go re: these important areas of my life. But it’s also sweet, too, to see God’s grace at work in my life and His kindness and care for me, even while I am still so very…
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Loving Confrontation Will Not Ultimately Harm Us (Even if It Hurts)
Talking with someone about an apparent sin or temptation has to be one of the most difficult things to do in all of life. Yesterday, my five year-old brought some excellent questions about why Galatians 6:1 “rescue” and Matthew 7 “helping someone with the speck in their eye” are not the same thing as being the “proud, super-holy, Pharisee people” (in Luke 7) who judged the woman who was wiping Jesus’ feet with her tears and her hair: “Aren’t we JUDGING and thinking we are BETTER when we talk with people about this hard stuff?” she asked me, so sincerely. What a good question! And what a loooooooong conversation we had to…
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What about repeating (habitual?) patterns of sin and struggle? How do the Seven A’s of Confession and Four Promises of Forgiveness apply?
I recently had to make a “Seven A’s Confession” to a dear friend. Like all real confessions, it was embarrassing. I was frustrated with myself for blowing it. Again. I felt bad about hurting someone I care about. Talking it out for real took time and effort and emotion, three things that neither of us really had extra margin in this month. But she is a real friend and it was a real hurt, so (thank God!) we did the right thing, the loving thing, and had that uncomfortable—but ultimately GOOD—conversation. And I was, as always, amazed at how genuine and balming true forgiveness from a true friend can be. It…
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A true sign of spiritual sickness is a false peace while indulging in sin …
I once heard an excellent sermon that had two main points: “The War Within” and “Living by the Spirit Within.” It was a long sermon, but here are a few of my notes: – The most frequent question that most pastors hear is, “If I am saved, then why do I continue to sin?! Am I even a Christian?” My pastor always replies, “The fact that you are even asking the question is very strong evidence that, yes, you are a Believer because spiritually dead people don’t struggle.” Unbelievers don’t care if they’ve grieved God. They don’t even recognize the battle. A greater concern, a true sign of spiritual sickness, is…