God’s sanctifying grace clawing deeper and deeper into my heart is bloody, painful, and embarrassing—but so, so good

This week’s friend-prayer group was off the chart SO convicting, edifying, BLESSED that I’m just not even sure I can describe it for you. (Oh, and OF COURSE, I did NOT want to go. The alarm went off and I said to Fred, “I don’t want to go.” He said: “Go!” I whined, “It’s cold. I’m too tired.” He said: “Go! You’ll be glad you went.” And he was SO right.)

Let me try to capture just a portion of the conversation for you …

We had been discussing the worship music at our church and how, at the end of even the best of the best of pieces, we never say, “Wow. The author of this music is so great.” Sure, she is great. But we are not focusing on that right after we have worshiped the Lord with her music’s assistance. We always finish and say, “Wow! GOD is so glorious and good and merciful and holy and kind and compassionate! God is God and we worship him!”

And then we said it was just like any of CCEF’s material. We never finish a book or attend a conference session and say, “Wow. CCEF is just so great.” Again, there are lots of times when we think, “Wow. CCEF is just so great.” But right after finishing that latest Ed Welch book? Or re-reading David Powlison’s brilliant works? In that moment of insight and clarity and conviction and encouragement, we always say, “Thank You, Lord! YOU are so wonderful and kind and glorious!”

BUT THEN. Someone DID say that after finishing anything by David Powlison, she really does think, “Man! This guy is a genius!” And he is. And we all agreed that, in particular, of all of the things Dr. Powlison has contributed to the Body of Christ, his “X-Ray Questions” to discern functional idols are just OFF THE MAP brilliant. They reveal truth. We see the depth of our souls and thus, our need for Christ.
 
And as my friend was saying all that, I’m telling you I had the CLEAREST sense that it was just like I was the DRAGON version of Eustace Scrubb in the Voyage of the Dawn Treader and Aslan’s claw was TEARING down my forehead. Deep. Past layers and layers of dragon-ness that only He could ever remove from me. It was like I could SEE how God is so faithfully working His sanctifying grace deeper and deeper into my heart—that HE is doing this work. That it is bloody and painful and embarrassing—revealing my true dragon heart is disgusting! But it is so, so good. The only real good. The only real way.

So I left friend-prayer group teary and happy and convicted and hopeful. Boy am I grateful for friend-prayer group! And mostly, of course, for the Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God …

Blessings to you! Hope your Wednesday is filled with conviction and assurance and great peace!

Your friend,
Tara B.

[A re-post from September 14, 2011]