Please Change My Heart

I’ve been thinking a lot today about just how much I hate conflict. I do! I will never stand in front of anyone and say how “fun” peacemaking is because it isn’t. This past summer, just as we think we might be able to claw ourselves up off of the mat and face one day without abject pain and ongoing strife—BAM!!—-we are knocked to our knees again.

This weekend? Rather than meditating on God’s Word re: blessing, praying for, doing good, etc. etc.? All I wanted to do was pull the blankets up over my head and hide away. Forever.

(Not very peacemaking-y of me, eh?)

But God.

God helps me to see my own heart in the situation. God comforts me by reminding me that I have an inheritance kept in Heaven that can never spoil or perish. But in this life, I am going to have trouble. Guaranteed.

And so I pray: Please God, change my heart. Let me not make an idol out of not being attacked and not being unjustly accused. But let me find my identity through my union with Christ. That way, no matter what my situation; no matter who gossips about me; falsely accuses me; judges and hates me without even knowing me … I will continue to entrust myself to my faithful Creator. And do good.

Of course, I may still need to go to the other person. But now it will not be from the standpoint of, “Let me tell you all of the ways you are wrong, unloving, rude, terrible, etc.” But from the standpoint of, “How can I please the Lord? Trust Him? Repent of my sins? Help to restore the other person? Strive to be at peace with him?”

This is the heartbeat of repentance — godly sorrow that leads to salvation and leaves no regret (2 Cor. 7:10) — and faith — For in Christ Jesus … the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love (Gal. 5:6).

I know that left to my own devices, I am without hope. I will attack when attacked; reject when rejected; hurt when hurt. I will run away from my conflicts in “super-spiritual” ways (“God is calling me to a new job / Bible study / ministry”).

But in Christ? There is hope — even in the worst conflicts. The ones that seem to have no end and no hope. Our “Summer of Suffering” as we are referring to good ol’ 2015. Or maybe, one day, when we can laugh about it (will that day ever come?)  we will call it, “The Summer that Shall Not be Named.” Hmmmmmm.

Let’s close by meditating on God’s very Word:

‘Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.’ 1 John 4:7-12