Distinguishing Marks of a Quarrelsome Person (by Kevin DeYoung)
I was searching for an old blog entry to respond to a conflict coaching request and I came across this old Kevin DeYoung article:
It is so convicting! But so helpful too.
Let me tempt you to click through to read the entire article but summarizing just a few points. You are a quarrelsome person if:
– You defend every conviction with the same degree of intensity. You don’t talk about secondary issues, because there are no secondary issues.
– You are quick to speak and slow to listen. You rarely ask questions and when you do it is to accuse or to continue prosecuting your case. You are not looking to learn, you are looking to defend, dominate, and destroy.
– Your only model for ministry and faithfulness is the showdown on Mount Carmel. There is a place for sarcasm, but when Elijah with the prophets of Baal is your spiritual hero you may end up mocking people instead of making arguments.
– You never give the benefit of the doubt. You do not try to read arguments in context. You put the worst possible construct on other’s motives and the meaning of their words.
– You are unable to sympathize with your opponents.
– Your first instinct is to criticize. Your last is to encourage.
– You derive a sense of satisfaction and spiritual safety in being rejected and marginalized.
– You have never changed your mind on an important matter.