Even a child who does a VERY bad thing CAN be forgiven! (What a weird thing to stumble onto this draft of a parenting blog I wrote 5+ YEARS ago!)
It is March of 2018 and earlier today I was poking around my old blog entries, looking for one I had written on the topic of boundaries, when I stumbled onto this (never posted) DRAFT of a post about parenting one of my children from over six YEARS ago. Crazy! It felt like I was in a time warp as I read it.
I’m going to redact the name because I don’t think it’s necessary to the content–but I’ll let Ella’s sweet photo from years ago stand because she is SO Ella-rific exuberant that whenever I see this photo, I think of PRAISING GOD and rejoicing in him. And that’s the foundation I hope you stand on as you read this ancient, never-before seen, parenting post.
Just don’t assume it’s about Ella, OK? 😉
Hugs,
Tara B.
Even After This Painful Discipline There are FOUR THINGS You Can Rejoice In
Fred had to go back into work for the 5PM – 12:30AM shift (12:24AM to his defense because he PROMISED to be home by 12:30, not that I asked him to), so the girls and I continued to enjoy some domestic duties and then went to veg out a bit with a movie.
One of my kiddos chose “Aristocats” and after a few minutes of work getting things ready for breakfast and lunch on Sunday, I went downstairs to join her. Sadly, as soon as I got downstairs, she paused her video to confess something very serious to me: She had played with the elliptical trainer with her hands; NOT gotten on it (which she knows is strictly forbidden), but pushed the pedals with her hands. Twice. Which she also knows is strictly forbidden.
I won’t, I can’t, go into all of the details of what happened next because although she has given me permission to share our story, especially because of the “FOUR PROMISES” (as she calls them) that we got to rejoice in at the end of our discipline time, she does not feel comfortable with me going into any detail about JUST HOW BAD things got as she confessed and had to face her painful consequences (of “Aristocats” going into toy prison and of her losing the privilege of watching videos in the basement without an adult present to keep her safe, “just like a two-year-old/baby.”)
Suffice it to say that it’s going to take me about five minutes to type this blog and it took us about 90 minutes to work through our conversation, so painful (and loud) was the time of repentance and confession.
BUT OH! The wonderful, glorious JOY of forgiveness! That’s what both she and I want to share with you this morning before we head to church …
At the end of the discipline, I comforted my precious daughter by reminding her that even though there were these painful consequences in our lives and this conversation had been SO hard, we actually had GOOD NEWS that we could rejoice in. She agreed and piped up with the first two and I chimed in with the last two:
1. I can be forgiven. Yes! Totally. 100%. Forgiven. We could get up from that chair with a clean slate and a fresh heart.
2. I am always loved. Absolutely. And this is a biggie because during the worst time of the painful consequences, she kept wanting to hide her head under her blanket and NOT persevere because she “felt like the most awful kid in the world” and she “didn’t want anyone to love her.” But of course I told her, “Too bad! I will NEVER stop loving you. And God will NEVER stop loving you! There’s nothing you can do about THAT! We love love love love love love LOVE you!” (And it was so good when she came back to finding comfort in our love.)
3. God protected your hands and your weren’t HURT. This was a biggie for me because our pastor’s youngest daughter had a SERIOUS injury with a piece of exercise equipment when she was a tiny little girl and not only could she have lost the use of her hand (or the actual hand!), she lost a great deal of SKIN and her recovery was excruciatingly painful. I don’t know if I would’ve been so sensitive to just how dangerous exercise equipment can be if that horrible accident hadn’t occurred–but I’m sensitive to it now and I was SO grateful that God protected my daughter from herself.
4. Over time, you CAN earn back our trust and earn back the privilege of watching videos without an adult present. This painful consequence isn’t forever. It will take time and effort, but as you behave in a wise and trustworthy way, we will begin to trust you again. But right now, because of the seriousness of the offense, the consequence has to be serious.
(As an aside, if you read my recent blog entry on “Using Hypotheticals with Our Children”, you might be interested to know that it was at this time in our conversation last night that I DID do a hypothetical with my little one:
I asked her, “Hypothetically, if you had been playing out in our backyard and I came out to check on you and you told me, “Mom, I went out through the gate. Twice. And I went and played in the street.” … what do you think would happen?
“I would lose the privilege of playing in the backyard without a grownup present.”
“Why?”
“Because leaving the safety of the backyard and going into the street is SO dangerous that I could be seriously hurt or even die.”
“Right. So would you have that painful consequence because I’m really MAD at you?”
“No.”
“Because I want to HURT your or do mean things to you?”
“No. Because you LOVE me and want to keep me SAFE.”
“That’s right. And can I keep you safe if you don’t obey the rules and boundaries I give you?”
“No. You have to treat me like a little two-year old or baby and keep your eyes on me all the time to keep me safe.”
“Right.”)
But trust can be earned back again. And I really don’t think it’ll be long before someone (ME!) breaks ol’ “Aristocats” out of toy prison and gives her the privilege of watching videos in the basement again. Because actually? Isn’t her strong conviction of conscience and guilt a precious, wonderful sign of a heart that WANTS to do the right thing, but, like her Momma, like all of us, struggles at times and at times give in to temptation?
“He gives us more grace …”
Ah! Grace up on grace. Our only hope.
Here’s to a grace-filled Sabbath wherein we rejoice in the mercies of God!
Yours,
Tara B.