You Can Be Lovable
During my undergraduate years, I was blessed to study under Dr. Paul T. Jensen. He taught not only my Presidential Scholar Philosophy of Theology classes (at school), he also taught the adult Sunday School class in our little Presbyterian church.
Dr. Jensen was the first person to introduce me to Calvin and Luther; to send me to Jonathan Edwards; and to make me my first ever xeroxes of scholar-level journal articles on issues of faith and logic. He was and is a thinker and a humble man–two of my favorite characteristics in a person.
So I always chuckle just a little bit when I remember that, in addition to introducing me to great books, Dr. Jensen also recommended that I read a simple little tome entitled, The Friendship Factor (by Alan Loy McGinnis).
Is this a great book? No.
Is it filled with Christ-exalting, biblical theology? Not really. Nope. I can’t say that it is.
But is it worth the read? Yes, I think so–particularly for those of us who (thankfully!) are in biblically-faithful, gospel-preaching churches (so we’re regularly hearing the full counsel of Scripture) and yet we still struggle in our relationships. If you can just take this little book for what it’s worth, I honestly believe that it might prove helpful to you. It was helpful to me way back in 1988 when I first read it, and I always pick up something new to think on whenever I re-read it.
Like this current re-reading. The chapter titles alone were a blessing to me:
– How to Communicate Warmth
– When Kindliness Becomes a Habit
– Be Careful with Criticism
– A Surefire Way to Draw People Close
– Are You the Manipulating Type?
– You Can be Lovable
– Neglect This and Watch Your Friends Flee
(Doesn’t that last one make you want to at least skim the book? 🙂 ! )
For me, this issue of relationships continues to be a challenge more often than not. I try and try, and sometimes people enjoy me and bear with me and we build a true friendship, an honest relationship, and that is so good. I am beyond-words grateful for the friends, real friends, who show me grace and mercy in my time of need. (And I prayerfully strive to do the same for them.)
But sometimes, things don’t work so well relationally. There may be full-blown conflicts. But more often than not, there is just a lack of interest, care, or love—even when people are in close proximity to each other. The author of “The Friendship Factor” taught me a new word about this:
“Talking is hard. We must schedule time for conversation because loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity* with someone who has ceased to communicate.”
(*I had to look up the word, “Propinquity.” It means the state of being close to someone or something; proximity; close kinship. Don’t you love getting to learn new words?! Yay!)
But back to the reason for this post … the title that I took from one of the chapters:
You can be lovable.
It’s true! And more! Not only can you be lovable, if you are in Christ a new creation? Then you are lovable and you are loved. Loved with an everlasting love. Every moment. Every day. God’s love for you is based on the righteousness of Another and his love for you never wavers.
Grace grace grace. Love love love. Even when life in this fallen world feels so much so the polar opposite. Thank God!
In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. (1 John 4:9-12 ESV)
Gratefully,
Tara B.
PS
For more rigorously biblical helps on these topics, I encourage you to really dig deeply into the CCEF books, CS Lewis’s writings, Ajith Fernando’s, Reclaiming Friendship, and William P. Smith’s, Loving Well Even if You Haven’t Been.