Good Ideas! Thanks, Tara!

Hey! I received this chock-full-of-good-ideas email from another Tara (yes! Tar-Uh, NOT Tare-Uh) and I received her permission to share it with you. Hope it is a blessing to you too —

(And yes, she is sending me the sermons on CD to listen to! Though I don’t plan on doing ten hours of ironing or anything.)

Thanks, Tara!

—

Dear Tara,

I first want to say how much I appreciate your heart for God and for having His peace reign in the lives of His people. Thank you so very much for your transparency and willingness to fear God instead of man (I’ve been reading the discussion board on the peacekeeper’s website and your blog on your website). It is good to know I am not alone – I often feel like the Christian fish-out-of-water in my desire to peacemake instead of just peacekeep.

This past winter, I participated in Beth Moore’s Living Beyond Yourself, a study on the fruit of the Spirit. When she taught on peacemaking v peacekeeping under the quality of “goodness,” there were maybe 2 of 25 women in my study who would profess to be peacemakers. I am not totally sure there were even 2, I am just hoping there was another besides me!! She did make the interesting point of kindness preceding goodness in the listing of the qualities of the fruit of the Spirit – the former “tenders” the latter. Goodness is what is beneficial, not necessarily what is easy or well-accepted. I recall reading that you were looking for different material for your retreat and thought this might be one direction that you could go!

Also, I found two other sources particularly inspiring. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought they were all about relationships with others. One was Yancey’s What’s So Amazing About Grace. Good good good is all I can say. Another was a sermon series by Tim Keller (Redeemer Pres, NYC) called How the Gospel Transforms Character – there are 10 sermons which I listened to while I ironed clothes for a consignment sale (yep, that’s a whole lot of ironing!). I remember the one on loving and the one on blessed self-forgetfulness quite well. You can buy them online at Redeemer Pres, or if you like, I can mail you a copy that is MP3 format on disc. Between Yancey and Keller, what I seemed to hear the loudest was “So you’re a Christian. . .BE DIFFERENT!” The Family Life conference that we attended in the fall also stressed this theme for marriage. You know, when God sends a theme into your life, there is no doubting what He is saying if you have ears to hear!!

Also, I just thought of another thing that was inspirational. In realizing my relational sins, I went in the direction of self-condemnation for a bit, until I picked up Pleasing God and read about conviction v condemnation. I’d give you more specifics, but I loaned my copy and can’t look it up. I THINK Sproul wrote it and I think ch. 13 was the one that was so helpful – it may have been called “Satan the deceiver.” Anyway, maybe you can pull from some of these resources!

I have in my lifetime had numerous conflicts and opportunities for resolution – and God has been intensively teaching me about how HE wants this done, particularly in the last year or two. In fact, my husband and I are intensively being taught much about Him and His Ways as we prepare for cross-cultural missions – it has been a big ouch, but we are growing in grace! Thank you for your encouragement in this tender area. =)

Many blessings on your ministry!
Tara S.

—

(follow-up email)

I did think of another thing that has been helpful to me in conflict – that would be Proverbs and the descriptions of a “fool” v. “wise.” I did a little personal study recently to look at the defining characteristics (I pray for wisdom – I wanted to see if it was manifesting in character!), and one of the main things that I saw was that the wise are listeners, open to advice, correction, good counsel.

Conversely, the fool is so busy talking that she does not listen and rebuffs any efforts for others to advise, correct and counsel. There were two main words for fool. One meant an incorrigible fool, not worth wasting time talking to (this was a dictionary explanation of the original meaning) and the other meaning was more like foolishness that springs out of ignorance, youth–but still teachable.

All that to say. . .it is important to discern what you’re dealing with in a person. Peacemaking with the “incorrigible” fool is painful and futile for reconciliation, but still good for sanctification! I haven’t read your book and you may have covered this, but I thought I’d share some more of my PM journey in case it helps! You may wonder if I found myself wise according to the Proverbs. . .not extremely so. . .let’s just say I’m desiring to zip my lips and cultivate a teachable spirit!

I will mail you the Keller sermons – just keep it – I have another copy. It has been a blessing I’m more than happy to share. It is MP3 format, so it has to be played either on a computer, or if you are really technologically up to date, on your MP3 player.