How to REALLY Help When Someone is in Crisis (Suffering Deep Pain)

But if you have ever said, “I would really like to help!” to a friend or family in need (cancer? loss of a baby? unemployment? death?), perhaps this list will be helpful to you. (I’ve left a lot of Ruth’s actual quotes inside of the list. Oh. I miss her.)Blessings!
Tara B.

Rather than saying, “Let me know if you need help with something.” Instead, say, “‘I would like to help in any way I can, may I … ” 

Help with the Daily/Regular Ol’ Stuff of Life:

• Do any housekeeping chores you’d like (dishwashing, dusting, cleaning whatever needs cleaned, bathrooms, whatever!)
• Do your grocery shopping
• Do your laundry (at your home or mine)
• Feed your pets and plants
• Fix …………… in your house (“Things seem to break down more when there’s no one to fix it!”)
• Weed and/or plant flowers
• Mow/trim the yard
• Wash/detail your car
• Have the oil changed in your car
• Get your car(s) inspected
• Take your children to the park (babysit anytime—even overnights)
• Take over your carpool duties
• Make school lunches

• Sit in the hospital waiting room with your family
• Handle updates and field phone calls and communications for you (many of my friends use CaringBridge for this purpose and we have found it to be invaluable)
• Coordinate the church’s mercy ministry aspect (meals, rides, etc.) (There are SO many wonderful apps and websites for these needs now. You can input food preferences, allergies, timing needs for rides ONCE and then the church family can sign up as needed.)
• Bring you the church bulletin and tell you about the sermon/service/church family
• Gather a cheer basket of movies, books, magazines (many loaned so home doesn’t get cluttered permanently)
• Host a special dinner and prayer time for you

Share a Gift With You:
(“Anything to defray the expenses is helpful. Even with excellent insurance, illnesses and crises create unforeseen expenses and additional financial hardships.”)

• Gas cards
• Grocery store cards
• Visa gift cards (‘These things allow anyone in the home to run these errands for the patient and family without having to worry about money exchange.’)
• Hospital parking vouchers (‘There are few things as insulting as family members of critically ill patients having to pay daily to park to oversee the care and visit with their loved one.’)
• Hospital cafeteria vouchers
• Ipod with audio books, soothing music, the audio Bible already programmed on it
• Humorous cards and signs (‘Laughter is great medicine and it’s not possible to overemphasize this aspect. But, please be sensitive to the particular personality and your own relationship with the person.’)
• Guest book for visitors to sign and write notes. (‘This is good even if patient is sleeping, for visitors to leave notes and encouragement even after they’ve gone. I still read mine.’)
• Pamphlets that share the gospel to give to medical personnel and others(‘I recommend John Piper’s ‘Quest for Joy—Six Biblical Truths’ and other resources relevant to illness and hope. I had an IV tech nurse come back to me for counseling following my giving her the John Piper brochure. There is no time like a crisis to share the hope of the gospel!’)
• Care bags for waiting rooms—puzzle books/word game, water, snacks, change for phone calls, scripture pamphlets, pen/pencil, notepad
• Scripture signs and encouragement notes for the hospital rooms
• Dry-erase marker board for the hospital room to help keep track of phone numbers, room numbers, the names of nurses and doctors, the next pain medicine time
• A night away for the couple (including childcare too).‘One of the wisest recommendations we received initially was to not postpone couple time together. For each of my diagnoses, Tim and I have taken (made!) time to be away alone together. These are precious memories for us both and served to strengthen our bond and our faith in times that were otherwise chaotic. Some folks contributed to an overnight and special dinner for us one time.’