I Hate Conflict

Conflict is:

• Shocking
• Time-consuming
• Frightening
• Annoying
• Hurtful
• Insulting
• Embarrassing
• Ugly
• Painful
• Difficult
• Exhausting
• Dispiriting
• A total drag

 
Sometimes we mess up—we’re selfish and defensive and prideful; we’re tired and grouchy and mean. Sometimes other people hurt us; they confront us when what we need is comfort; they criticize us when what we really could use is a little help; they intentionally do us evil. Most often, it’s a combination of both of our foibles and errors, sin and weakness. Fallen people living in a fallen world. Personality quirks. Areas of blindness and immaturity. Outright sin. Deep hurt that has little or nothing to do with the current situation but which is rearing its ugly head and needing to be addressed. Misunderstandings. Miscommunications. Meanness.

So how do we respond?

If you’re anything like me, it’s pretty tempting to grease up the ol’ Slippery Slope and RUN AWAY …

Conflict comes and MAN! Do I want to FLEE. Escape. Get as far away as possible—physically and emotionally. Pull back. Hunker down. NEVER put myself in that vulnerable position again. (Even if, on the outside, I’m acting as though everything is fine.) 

Ah. “Fine.” What a word. Talk about something that almost always means its opposite. When I am facing a conflict? The thing I almost NEVER am is “fine.” But so often, especially in the church, we are encouraged to adopt some sort of peace-faking fine-ness that has the facade of godliness, but is sorely lacking in the (exhausting, uncomfortable, hard work of) peace-making.

Confronting a friend? Confessing our sins without excusing or minimizing our contributions? Humbling ourselves and getting help? Yeah. Who wants that? There is nothing “fine” or easy or comfortable about any of that. But it is definitely good. And it is definitely what we are called to as Christians. (I was going to list out a bunch of biblical citations to support that assertion but then I decided I could just encourage you to read / listen to any of my resources and that would accomplish the same goal.)

As I prepare for corporate worship tomorrow, I am particularly grateful for the godly men, women, and children who have helped me over the years to learn how to be honest about just how hard conflict is … and who have studied and prepared and worked hard to be ready to help me (and many others) to respond to conflict redemptively.

Thanks to God’s Spirit at work, His Word, and the ministry of the Body of Christ, I am learning to put away the Crisco before I grease up the Slippery Slope and flee. It is never comfortable. It is never easy. But it is good. And I am grateful.

“Do not drag me off with the wicked,
with the workers of evil,
who speak peace with their neighbors
while evil is in their hearts …

Blessed be the LORD!
For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.
The LORD is my strength and my shield;
in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults,
and with my song I give thanks to him.” Psalm 28:3, 6-7