Actually Setting Your House in Order,  Peace Amidst Holiday Strife

Money (Holiday Misery Part 3)

December 25, 2017 /

This entry is part 3 of my blog series on things that tempt us to be miserable during the holidays. I’ll start with a quick recap of what we’ve covered so far and then jump into today’s topic.

1. Comparisons: We live in a world of competition and performance, even (tragically) in the church. No one wants to look ugly, sound stupid, or be a relational flop … It doesn’t matter how much we have or what blessings our lives contain. If we do not guard our hearts, the holidays will tempt us to compare ourselves with others and focus on what we perceive as the lack. But it doesn’t have to be this way … (Click here to read the entire post.)

2. Childhood Memories–Both Good and Bad: Of all of the reasons people give for why they boycott the holidays or dread the holidays, childhood memories have to be right up there in the top ten. For some of us, this means painful childhood memories. For others, it’s the idyllic / romanticized childhood memories that haunt us. But again, we’re adults. In Christ, we are new creations. We don’t have to be ruled by our past hurts or by our present disappointments. We really can be content and even joyful—but it takes a little work to get there … (Click here to read the entire post.)

3. Money
There is nothing inherently good or evil about money. But how we think about and spend money (or fail to spend money) reveals a great deal about our hearts. Holiday pressures can be a vice around our heart that squeezes out what we really believe and what we really value. Sadly, all too often, we spend money in ways that are counterproductive to our goals and intentions. We may look altruistic, but we may actually be incredibly selfish. On the inside. We may claim to be doing all sorts of things “for the children” or “to serve,” and yet we may be spending resources we don’t honorably have; taking on debt we never should; causing stress in our relationships. “For the memories.” Really? What memory do you think your extended family would rather have—a happy and content Christian who is living simply, within her means, giving generously, not finding her identity in stuff? Or a stressed-out woman who spends time and money she doesn’t have on obligatory gifts that no one really wants? Who is then left frustrated, sleep-deprived, unnerved and on edge?

Oh. And before you dismiss that paragraph with a wave of your “We don’t do all of that worldly, materialistic stuff. We give to the poor. We make all of gifts from yarn we spin from the wool of our own organically-fed sheep. By candlelight.” Remember that the same action could be of faith or of sin (Romans 14:23). You may look so godly and so generous on the outside, but what happens when we have the right motives (loving God and loving neighbor) and the right actions (giving generously) but then our response is wicked pride? We don’t give in secret. We don’t count it all joy. No. We think more highly of ourselves than we ought and we go through the holidays with a self-righteous chip on our shoulder that says, “I care about the poor more than you materialistic people do.” How is this glorifying to God and loving of neighbor? How is this selfless and generous? Simply said, it isn’t.

Nor is doing seemingly generous and selfless things from wrong motives. For example, how do you respond to those impassioned pleas from well-meaning organizations to spend money on “things that really matter” at the holidays? (Is it just me or has your Inbox been deluged with requests for donations this morning?) Do you pray, research organizations and people so that you know your gifts are being well-managed for the most effective ministry impact, budget wisely so that you tithe first and live simply and then give offerings in addition to your tithe every month? (If you do this, by the way, you can say a gentle, “No” to 99.9% of those holiday pleas without guilt or shame.) Or are you besieged by guilt over how poorly you have stewarded the Lord’s resources throughout the year (“I’ll tithe when I have more money.”) … and then, do you give a quick financial gift to the most pathos-laden plea really, to make yourself temporarily feel better? Oh, it looks so generous. But deep down, it’s selfish and revealing of poor stewardship. (Plus, it’s ineffective. Listen! The world would change if Christians lived in such a way that they could steward God’s resources with consistent generosity throughout the year. But isn’t it true that nothing ever seems to change when we indulge thousands of dollars a year in disposable junk and then try to soothe our consciences by throwing $50 at a non-profit organization by midnight on December 31st?)

And one last observation on why money can tempt us to such misery at the holidays …

Some of you have a lot of money. A LOT of money. You don’t gasp with joy when $200 comes miraculously to your home at just the right time to pay that bill that MUST be paid. You spend $200 online or shopping around town or lunching with your gal pals and don’t even blink. An empty gas tank or a falling apart 15+ year-old car does not drive you to your knees in prayer. You have thousands of dollars in margin. Tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands. And this is not a bad thing! Wealth isn’t evil. Money isn’t bad. As you know, it has its definite benefits, but there are huge responsibilities that come with financial wealth and it can be a lonely road to be a person of means. The holidays can exacerbate these burdens and this intense loneliness:

  • Who is really your friend and who just wants to be around you for the benefits that come from your money?
  • How much money do you have to spend before your (children, grandchildren, coworkers, staff) show you a little gratitude?
  • Why is it that you can spend thousands of dollars doing everything “just so” and still be estranged in your marriage? Neglected by your family? Lonely in your church?

 
Oh, friends. Don’t you see it? The holidays reveal it with near-perfect clarity: Money isn’t the problem. We are the problem. Money (lack of money or tons of money) doesn’t cause our misery; nor does money fix our misery. Money just reveals our hearts.

So don’t put your hope in money and don’t just trip through the holiday season being unmindful of money. Take a step of faith! Do something that doesn’t feel natural:

  • If you are prone to being tight with money, consider doing something extravagantly generous. And do it in secret! Bless the socks off of someone in such a way that they could NEVER tie it back to you. Give cash or a money order or a gift card. Pay a bill at a mechanic’s shop. Drop off groceries on a back porch. (All of those things, by the way, have been done to ME by anonymous, generous, amazing people over the years.) It’s SO FUN to give in secret! It’s SO FUN to help someone and to encourage someone that they are not alone.
  • If you are too lax with money, especially if it is causing you stress and worry and/or relational stresses and worries … get on a budget! You’ve been meaning to do so for, well, forever. Do it now. The end of the year is a great time for fresh starts. You may be terrified to face your spending and your debt. You may think, “Why would I ever try to do this? I can’t have a budget, I don’t have enough income. I never do. Why would I want to know the particulars?” Oh, friends. I’ve been there. Thousands of dollars in credit card debt. $73,000 in student loans. I know what it’s like to not want to face financial realities. But I also know what it’s like to turn toward my problems and face them head-on and then, seeking counsel and resources from the church, get help to change. It’s not easy. Addresses issues associated with budgeting and debt and lifestyle change is hard—but totally worth it.
  • If you’re trying to find happiness and love through money, then give it up. It’ll never happen. You can buy bags of candy for your eight year-old classmates, but you’ll never buy their friendship. You can go into debt to wear clothes you can’t afford, and you’ll look very stylish for a short season, right on the way to the poor house. You think that if you marry for money and social prominence, THEN you’ll be happy? Oh, come on. The ridiculousness is supported by countless failed marriages and miserable children and miserable lives. Money doesn’t buy happiness and it doesn’t produce “perfect” holiday memories. There is no perfection this side of Heaven. There are simply moments of deep, resonant joy. Glimpses of justice, kindness, patient forbearance. Sacrifice. Courage. Commitment. Forgiveness. Love. These are the things that matter. These are the things that you should be investing in. Not only with money (we should definitely be giving God’s money back, monthly, to our local church and to organizations that are doing important works!), but also with our time, prayer, and sacrificial devotion. The messiness of relationships. Inconveniencing ourselves to serve the people around us. See? Money doesn’t buy that. And you don’t need a lot of money to live that way.

Don’t be afraid to face all of the stuff that money is revealing in your heart as you head into this holiday season. God is sufficient to help you to turn away from pride, selfishness, worldliness, poor stewardship, debt, foolishness, and bad habits related to money. The fights you keep having with your spouse over money? The counsel your parents keep trying to give you? The estate plan your financial planner and lawyer keep asking you to create? There is a reason why so many of our worries and stresses are tied to money—these things are important. We should be prayerful and wise. We want to live simply so that we have margin and flexibility for spontaneous generosity in addition to our regular giving. It’s fun to budget and save for Christmas gifts and then to find the just right gift and THEN to be so excited about GIVING someone we love the just right gift—all as a sweet reminder of God’s Greatest Gift ever given. I like being able to buy snowflake sugars for the colored icing tubes my children are about to drip all over my kitchen table. I think these holiday memories are great! But they would be tainted by legitimate guilt if my entire focus was on presents and cookies. And the price would be far too high if these holiday blessings were purchased by a near-constant stream of fights between Fred and me over money.

So be wise! Live simply. Be generous. Eschew obligatory gift-giving. Don’t be wasteful. But don’t be a proud, judgmental jerk either. Unless they have invited you into their hearts and their financial files, you really ave no idea whether someone is living generously or selfishly. And all of us could live more generously and selflessly. So be gracious! And steward God’s resources and wealth with joy.

(Oh. And BTW—If you are reading this on your own personal computer or iPhone or whatever. If you have clean clothes, a roof over your head, clean water to drink and healthy food to eat. If you have never known the horror of watching your children starve to death or go blind from a vitamin deficiency that could have been avoided for $.25. If you are not hungry, cold, dehydrated; if you and your daughters have not been beaten and enslaved … then you are rich. Just like me. And we are foolish to think otherwise.)

1 Timothy 6:17-18 — “Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.”

Amen and Amen and Amen.

Love you, friends!
Praying for you a fiscally-peace-filled holiday season—

Your friend,
Tara B.

[Re-post from 2012] 

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