Who Wants to Mutter Something Stupid at Such a Difficult Time?
Today, I tried to reach out to a friend who is suffering. I felt pretty klutzy doing it. I had no idea what to say! And I really kinda just wanted to hang back and say nothing until things were more normal and “settled.” But then I remembered another classic CCEF article (this one by Ed Welch) and after re-reading it, I went ahead and did my best to reach out in love. I’m glad I did.
Here is the article:
And here are just a few of my favorite excerpts:
“Consider someone who is going through suffering. Let’s say the suffering is especially difficult – a chronic and dangerous disease in a child, rejection by a suitor, betrayal by a spouse, or a spouse’s death. Here’s the ironic thing. The more severe the suffering the more we feel like we have no words to offer, and when we don’t know what to say—we say nothing. After all, who wants to mutter something stupid at such a difficult time? But when we bring God’s way of pursuing, God’s way of moving toward into the picture, we will find ourselves, right there, in front of the suffering person.
“I just want you to know that you are on my heart. I’m very sorry.”
There you go. If God gives you grace to move toward others he will also give you a few words that will be more precious to the grieving person than you think.”
And one more snippet that is so often on point to our relational conflicts:
“Say you have a fractured relationship with someone. Maybe the other person wronged you, maybe you wronged the other person, maybe it was a complicated misunderstanding that included hurt feelings all around. Whatever its origin, our response needs to be the same: move toward (e.g. Matthew 5:23-24).
But it’s hard to do, isn’t it? I know, because I struggle too. I hate to admit this, but when I have a conflict with someone outside my immediate family, my natural instincts are to let the tension blow over and let a little formality and coolness settle into the relationship. No moving toward there. Even with family members, a.k.a., my wife, I prefer to let her take the initiative, confess her many egregious sins, and propose a long-term strategy for restitution, or something like that.
My instincts, of course, are wretched. When in doubt, I need to move toward others and have confession of my sin lead the way. The process is hard but great and God always shows up to help when our hearts line up with him.”