Not Just an Intellectual Exercise …

Just like when I first read Ed Welch’s When People are Big and God is Small, I was tempted to power through the manuscript for his forthcoming book, Shame Interrupted: How God Lifts the Pain of Worthlessness and Rejection, as a sort of quick intellectual exercise. Three line endorsement written? Check! Evaluated for potential inclusion on my event resource table? Check! Ready to recommend it to others because it will be SO helpful to THEM? Check check!

But then (just like years ago re: “When People are Big and God is Small”), I was sorely convicted that I needed to slow down and read it carefully for me. Myself. The big ol’ I. This became blazingly obvious to me when I couldn’t even make it out of the first few pages without some means of journaling my thoughts and emotions (and fears and doubts and condemnations).

Oh, man. Will I ever just get over all of this? I’m 41 years old and as Dr. Welch begins to define shame and unpack shame, I am immediately transformed into a scared little seven year-old girl. What a drag! What a curse. A fallen person in a fallen world dealing with the ramifications of her own sin and the sins done to her—both my omission and commission. Yes, there has been much growth in grace. But also yes, deep pain remains, scars wince, and sounds and smells and words roll across my heart and mind like glass-shard-laden tools of torture.

Who will rescue me from this? From this body of death? Not Dr. Welch, great as he may be. (I do think he’s great!)

“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:24

So … back to face the truth again. With lots of grace of course.

Your friend,
Tara B.