Our hearts …

I don’t accept many mediation, arbitration, or conflicted organization interventions any more … but when I do, I am always humbled and amazed to play even a tiny part in the work that God is doing.

I always learn from the parties and advisors.
I am challenged. Convicted. Encouraged.

The great news is that every conciliation case is FAR beyond my abilities! Every single one.
So only God can bring glory to Himself and give everyone involved grace to love our neighbors well.

But I do try my best to serve well.

This morning, I will leave in a few minutes for another day of pre-mediation appointments. As I go, I am thinking a lot about our hearts. Especially our hearts when we are in a serious (long! painful! complex! important!) conflict with another person.

The two times that I have been a party in a formal Christian conciliation case, I just remember feeling SO WRONGED. And not just feeling it–I HAD FACTS TO PROVE IT! I had been wronged. I was being wronged. I wanted the wrongs to STOP. I was committed to doing everything I could to make the other person SEE THEIR WRONGS and repent and make it right with me.

Oh, sure, I had contributed. Of course–I’m way too spiritual (“godly”?) to try to pretend that I had been perfect. Sure–I had sinned, uh-huh. Yeah, I had some areas for growth, yeah, yeah.

BUT THE OTHER PERSON?!?! They were INTENTIONALLY doing this to hurt me.
They were purposefully deceptive, unkind, unloving, sinful, etc. etc.

Seriously, guys, I just remember feeling all of this so incredibly strongly AT THE TIME.

But now?
Years later?

I see how unloving and ungracious I was.
I did presume uncharitably (even though I was SO SURE I had “facts” to PROVE what I thought was true).
I was judgmental and unkind.
I did not persevere in love for my sister/brother in Christ.

I wanted JUSTICE! Vindication!
I wanted wrongs righted.
I wanted to police the situation and the people and MAKE ALL OF THE BAD PEOPLE STOP DOING THESE BAD THINGS.

And IF (and ONLY IF) the other person SAW the wrongs they were doing
and adequately repented
 AND made full and complete RESTITUTION
(and … well … and if they had to suffer a bit just as I had suffered??) …

Well, then, sure, of course. I would forgive them.

But you know what?
I was graceless.
I was ALL LAW.
I had no gospel in my heart towards them.

How I pray that God will forgive my wretched heart!
And help me–the next time I am in a horrible conflict–to remember this lesson.

May I pray for grace to love well.
And to see my heart–and repent.

To remember how lavish God’s love is for me!
And love, even the enemy who is doing me evil.

Because I’m just like him.
Just like her.
(Actually, probably, a whole lot worse.)

Please do pray for me as I continue to mediate this week!
May we all grow up into Christ–Who is our Head.

Amen & Amen!

Yours,
Tara B.