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Before You Criticize the Leaders, Besmirch the Fellowship, and Stomp Out of A Church …
As a Christian mediator who works in conflicted churches, it is a normal thing for me to spend hours with people who are disgruntled with their church leadership and members. I’ve listened to furious people and heart-broken people. I’ve taken notes as people shared off of the tops of their heads stories of deep pain and suffering in the church, and I’ve sat, slightly amazed, as church members handed me copies of pages and pages of (dated) notes listing out every single thing wrong with their church. Thinking about these experiences, and mulling over just how easy it can be for us to only share our criticisms and complaints with our church leaders, I…
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Christians in Conflict—Frozen Hopelessness? Vacuum of Faith? Or A Kingdom Point of View?
More (striking!) wisdom for Christians in conflict from The Heart of a Servant Leader: Letters from Jack Miller. This one was written to a man who was in conflict with his church leaders and then, after another pastor was brought into the conflict to try to help (“Rob”), the man became conflicted with the new (trying-to-help-with-the-conflict) pastor too. Please note: this excerpt is after a long, kind, gentle affirmation and assurance of deep love for the recipient of the letter. If Pastor Jack Miller was anything in life, he was an encourager. But this excerpt is such an insightful confrontation that I really wanted to share it with you (the…
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“Why would you ever do that?” — The Real Source and Strength of Lasting Compassion
I just learned that my handouts are due soon for the PCA’s upcoming women’s leadership conference: PCA Women’s Ministry Leadership Training Conference: Leading with Compassion–Called to Serve, Equipped to Lead I would appreciate your prayers as I work to finalize my content. The title for my plenary session is: “Why would you ever do that?” — The Real Source and Strength of Lasting Compassion It has already been through one layer of my theology-checkers, so hopefully there is no unintentional heresy in there. (Not being seminary trained, I really rely on the help and oversight of my friends and church leaders.) I’m also doing two workshops: Biblical Peacemaking: As the PCA…
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When to Overlook and When to Confront
Recently, Tim Challies linked to a (great) blog post he wrote back in 2008: Overlooking an Offense In it, he cites Chris Brauns’ Unpacking Forgiveness, which is definitely worth the read on this topic. As is my favorite book to work through if you or someone you love is struggling with bitterness and unforgiveness: Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s Choosing Forgiveness. But of course I can’t think about this topic without specifically remembering one of my favorite questions from one of my blog readers. Ever. I talked about it in this post from 2006: Are You a “Reconciling Stalker”?? And (also of course) my brain automatically hyperlinks to the one modern book that I truly…
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Feedback on Tara’s Events
“By FAR, the BEST speaker we have ever had—clear, concise, funny, and pure biblical truth and reference.” “Love your heart and vulnerability—helps us all to be real!” Thank you, Tara, for reminding me how much I am loved by God.” “Great materials and message. Loved the Christ-centered teachings, personal references/stories, humor and notes. Thank you!” “You are so funny and so intelligent. You have totally inspired me to learn and read more about the Bible.” “Thank you for reminding me of God’s grace.” “Very good content; great delivery. Articulated very well. Engaging and humorous. Kept my attention the entire time.” “I felt like my best friend was talking to me…
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Absolutely THE BEST Contemporary Book on the Doctrine of Sin & Temptation! Russell D. Moore’s “Tempted and Tried”
I. Am. SHOCKED. At how extraordinarily EXCELLENT this book is. Tempted and Tried: The Temptation of Christ (by Russell D. Moore) Granted, I’m not through the entire book yet (but I have jmpted to the end to read that first—does anyone else read the end of books first?), but so far, it is the best contemporary book I have ever read on temptation. With brilliant, decisive turns of phrases and strong exegeting of Scripture, Pastor Moore has already helped me to prepare for this weekend’s celebration of the Incarnation more than anything else this year. That Jesus would come into THIS WORLD? To battle the “wild out there” (Satan) and…
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Be in Heart What You Really Are
There is so much wisdom in this brief book: The Heart of a Servant Leader: Letters from Jack Miller. The example I was reviewing today was written to a man who was in conflict with his church leaders and then, after another pastor was brought into the conflict to try to help (‘Rob’), the man became conflicted with the new (trying-to-help-with-the-conflict) pastor too. Please note: this excerpt is after a long, kind, gentle affirmation and assurance of deep love for the recipient of the letter. If Pastor Jack Miller was anything in life, he was an encourager. But this excerpt is such an insightful confrontation that I really wanted to…
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Moving Quickly (but Honestly) through a Tremendously Hurtful Conflict (Part 2)
I hate conflict. I really do. I just hate it when I am defensive or when I attack someone. I hate being around defensive people who attack me. It’s all so frustrating and adrenaline-filled and unpleasant. But yet again, only days after my exchange with Fred (see Part 1 if you’re interested), I was in yet another conflict. Grrrrr. The cause of this one was really easy to spot because it was SO completely, 100% ME. My words. My thoughtless, careless, wish-I-hadn’t-said-’em, Oh!-a-tiny-spark-really-CAN-start-a-whole-forest-on-fire, words. It was unintentional. I really didn’t mean to cause what I caused! But that really doesn’t matter because I am responsible for my words and in…
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Normalizing
I’m prepping a date night with my sweetie, so I will keep this super brief and hopefully come back to this topic again before too long … Today I was reminded of just how good (safe, hopeful) it is when someone normalizes whatever it is we are going through at the time. For example: – You are angry? You should be angry! This is a horrible thing. I’m mad with you! (But then, of course, moving towards a godly and wise response …) – Oh. Yeah. You had an anxiety attack. They are terrifying. I know what that’s like. I, too, thought my husband would need to call 9-1-1. Yup.…
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Preaching to Four Groups: Weary, Wandering, Lazy, Lost
Kevin DeYoung has a great post today on preaching the whole counsel of Scripture by being mindful of the variances of people in your church: Preaching to the Whole Choir In it, he talks about four categories of people: “The Weary, The Wandering, The Lazy, The Lost.” As I read it, I appreciated its (intended) application of pastors and sermons. But I also couldn’t help but think of its application even as a layperson: – What happens when I am overly confrontational with someone who is weary, wounded, fearful, hurt? I crush the bruised reed. But what if I fail to have the courage to be confrontational with a Christian…
