Personal Testimony Regarding Adultery …

We have been blessed to hear a personal testimony from someone regarding our previous posts/discussions on adultery. Since I know that not everyone reads all of the comments on every post, I thought I’d move her testimony up to a new blog (and to our discussion board) to make it more accessible for everyone.

Let me give you a recap of the discussion so far and then I’ll include her testimony …

1. Original Question: “If two Christians are friends and commit adultery with each other and then repent of their sin of adultery can they still remain friends? Can they be restored to a chaste, pure relationship and reconciled with each other as brother and sister in Christ?”

2. First Reply (from Janice): “My short answer: Christians are commanded to be restored to fellowship upon confession, repentance and submission to the authority of the church. So in the sense that they can enjoy Christian fellowship and unity, yes. However, I find it hard to believe that someone who has truly been brought to understand the very depth of their sin (in this case adultery) and fully convicted and repentant of it would feel comfortable being in a close relationship with the other person, regardless of the outcome. And let’s not forget the spouses, children, families and friends who have been harmed by the adulterous relationship. Sin has consequences. Getting chummy again might indicate that they are either not quite to the end of their conviction or are grossly overestimating their ability to withstand temptation (remember Jesus connected the 7th commandment to the heart – with adultery in the history of 2 people’s relationship, closeness is foolish).”

3. Another comment (from Ruth): “This seems to be two different questions and I’d suspect there’s more than meets the eye in the inquiries. I agree with Janice. Remaining ‘friends’ carries with it different connotations. A simple ‘yes or no’ answer would be trite, but ‘flee youthful lusts’, ‘avoid all appearance of evil’, and ‘resist the devil’ come to mind as fairly clear solutions. It seems a bit naive (dishonest?) to think that social association (“friendship”) would be less than awkward at best if true repentance had been wrought. If marital restoration were to be achieved, steering clear of the other party to the adulterous relationship would be minimal in rebuilding any level of trust.

That is not to say God is not capable of healing such relationships, but wisdom would suggest that a long time and much spiritual growth would take place before the risk of temptation had passed. A recovering, repentant, gambling addict should probably avoid being chummy with his bookie, right?”

4. My first comment:“Ooooooooh … very wise comments, I think. Thanks, ladies!

I really don’t have much to add – except to say that I wish that someone who had actually experienced this situation (or something similar) might be willing to share his or her thoughts–even anonymously–just to help us all to understand a different perspective.

(I’ve mediated situations like this … but I don’t have first-hand knowledge and experience.)

This topic of sexual sin reminds me of an incredibly hard to believe testimony that Ken Sande gave at last week’s Peacemaker Conference …

Apparently, a pastor’s wife in South Africa had been RAPED; and then years later they moved to a new town and the RAPIST (now repentant) was actually an ELDER in the church. So the pastor and his wife had to face all of the ramifications of that HORROR and what does it mean to truly forgive, etc. etc.

(It reminded me of Corrine TenBoom’s testimony.)

In the South Africa situation, it did end up that the pastor and his wife were able to truly forgive this man and share fellowship with him. They even had him into their home; shared meals, etc.

(CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???!!!??? Seriously – apart from the gospel–NO WAY. No no no no WAY.)

I remember as I listened to this testimony (with my JAW IN MY LAP), I thought to myself, “I wonder if it would’ve been easier for the pastor to forgive that man if he had MURDERED the pastor’s wife rather than raped her.’ I mean–I’ve heard of LOTS of people forgiving their loved one’s murderer … but rapist? Really? And then to share ongoing fellowship with him?)

It makes my head spin, but those are the facts.

Still—back to the topic at hand … it seems to me that a repentant rapist (a crime of violence and control!) is VERY different than consensual, obviously attracted to one another/aroused by one another LOVERS who claim to be repentant. So I don’t mean to draw a parallel AT ALL.

 

Except to say this …
God is real.
And He is at work in the lives of His people.

May He be glorified and grant us all wisdom from Heaven!

Your friend,
Tara B.”

5. A very honest comment from a husband: “this is an awesome question. i dont know. it is always awkward to be with a person(as a friend) after you have been intimate with them.

i think this is up to whoever was cheated on. is that person ok with it? do they trust him or her?

i would advise against it. better to learn from your mistakes and stay away from a tempting situation than to put yourself and your partner through that again.

personally, i would not let my wife be friends with her adulterer, partly because he would no longer be living … 🙂 “

6. And the personal testimony regarding adultery: “I can answer this question from experience. The best answer I can come up with is this: It IS possible to maintain a friendship with the person that you once committed adultery. However, I think that it should only be done when it is truly necessary. For instance, if your adultery involved a member of your spouse’s family, and if your spouse has forgiven his/her family member, it would become necessary to at least have some sort of friendship with that person.

Can it be done? Yes. I have two adulterous relationships in my past. One was with my husband’s brother.

My husband has forgiven us both and we have been able to continue on as friends without falling back into that sin. I think that the only way this can work is to have strict guidelines in place. God has done a wonderful thing in my life by restoring our brother/sister-in-law relationship and friendship. By bringing us back to a place where we consider each other our brother-in-law/sister-in-law, is what I mean.

It CAN work.

However! I would recommend that if there is not a true NEED for the two to maintain a friendship…don’t do it. In my case, the other person who I committed adultery with is not a part of my husband’s life and there is absolutely no need for me to maintain a friendship with him (no matter how badly I would like to), and so I don’t. First of all, it’s not an option, because my husband would never allow it. But even if he did, I am honest enough with myself to know that being in contact with that person would be way too much temptation for me.”