Remembering As We Are Dying

Easter always makes me think a lot about death.

Of course, Good Friday is the main impetus for my thoughts. The worst day ever, leading to the best day ever.

But I also think about our second child who slipped from my womb the afternoon of Easter, 2007. The Day of Life reminds me of death. Every year.

Plus, I miss my mom. Sure, she was all about the bonnets and the gloves and the bunnies—what we call “Springtime Fun” in our home (as opposed to the Real Easter). But it was still very spring-y and very fun. So I miss her smoker’s laugh at the girls’ egg-hunting, baskets-overflowing hilarity. I hate that I can’t call her. I long for her delight in my daughters. In me. Just one friend choosing me. I miss her.

But such is the nature of life and love and death. I know many of you have been impacted by the life and death of Kara Tippetts. I didn’t know her, but people I love knew and loved her deeply. And I know what it’s like to lose a friend to breast cancer—-so that part I was relating to, but only at times, because it felt too intimate and even voyeuristic to glance in too often. Instead, I’ve tried to reach out to my real-life friend who lost her real-life friend just last week. That seems to be my actual circle of life and love, grief and pain.

 The truth is, I’m not much help to anyone these days. Just breathing in and out has seemed to sap all of my energy. I keep telling myself I’m not depressed and I need to snap out of this—but then I also try to be gracious to myself and patient with myself as the ramifications of the Fall and of evil are particularly acute in my life right now. I want to hide away! But that’s not the answer. So I’m trying. I’m trying really hard to keep going—and to get help as needed.

One thing I think I might do today? I think I’ll review with my daughters one of our family’s most somber, but helpful tools for remembering the reality of the Fall; how hard life can be in this sin-sick world; how death is “not the way it’s supposed to be” (but instead is truly an enemy even though Christ has triumphed over death and the grave) … and how we can always have bedrock, certain, eternal HOPE: the illustrated children’s version of “Pilgrim’s Progress“. This is a difficult book. The penultimate scene is terribly scary, but also honest.

The transition from life through death to eternal life is hard, even for the Christian.

I also might introduce my oldest daughter to snippets of one of my favorite, chilling and inspiring, adult reads on this topic: Last Words of Saints and Sinners. I’m going to pray about that and do a little study/prep first. Might be time. Might be too early still. But her serious questions about serious topics keep intensifying … so maybe a few examples would be wise.

I pray that if you or someone you love is walking someone through the valley of the shadow of death, you will remember Truth and fear no evil for truly, God is with you.

Your friend,
Tara B.