Reminding Myself Too

God is giving me a great gift these days—the gift of time with family and friends, serving, learning, growing together.

In the last three days alone, I’ve had the amazing privilege of laughing, crying, SPEAKING BIBLICAL TRUTH, and praying with three other women who also can be tempted to believe shame-based LIES about themselves (just like me). Each conversation has been different, but there have been similar themes:

1. Not being perfect. (At homemaking, spiritual disciplines, parenting, finances, physical disciplines, etc.)

2. Crushing despair. (“I’m such a failure!!”)

3. Instinctual resolve to DO BETTER. BE BETTER. FIX IT. (I just have to read one more book on child-rearing. I just have to be more disciplined with money / food / exercise / quiet times. If only I could STOP doing this / START doing that, THEN I just KNOW I would be OK.)

4. Trying trying TRYING to hold it together. Not yell at a child. Not overeat/overindulge in (exercise / television / alcohol). Be the perfect Titus 2 Spiritual Mother who can FIX that difficult person. Be SO loving and SO patient that our selfish, self-centered, mean, unloving (LOST!) mother/father/daughter/son SEES JESUS and REPENTS and POOF! We suddenly have one of those mature, kind, loving, gracious relationships that all the other Christians have.

(Because look at them! Their kids don’t get hooked on meth. Their marriages aren’t tag-team-parenting / co-existing / living parallel lives DEAD like ours. THEY don’t have problems with credit card debt / internet p*rn / prescription drug abuse. They never yell at their kids. Their s*x life is always happy, safe, warm, and mutually enjoyable. Always. They never go an entire week/month/DAY without spending focused time in prayer and Bible study. No no no. Not THEM. I’m the only one.)

5. (Or really. Back to Step 1, right?) Failing. Of course. Not being perfect. Of course. But rather than reaching out to a spiritually mature and trustworthy friend or an ordained church leader for help, counsel, exhortation, encouragement, discipline, accountability, friendship, LOVE … NO NO NO. I could NEVER talk about this stuff with my (Bible study members, women’s study members, prayer group, pastor, friend). No way! What would they THINK of me? How would they respond?! (“You call yourself a CHRISTIAN?! What kind of Christian would ….”).

NO THANK YOU. I’ll just hide away while things get worse and worse. And I’ll TRY HARDER. And if I can get my act together, THEN I might, you know, GO to that “Christian Fellowship THING” with all of the other good, together, godly, disciplined, loving, mature, super smart and super PERFECT people. Uh-huh. Yup. But until then? I’ve go to keep this TRUTH from THEM and I’ve got to fix myself and clean up my act and GET IT TOGETHER.

6. Which leads us right back to good ol’ Step 2. Despair.

Or does it?

NOT ALWAYS.

Sometimes. By God’s sweet and wonderful grace, even though WE may be standing there (or, more likely, curled in the fetal position, hiding away from everything and everyone) …

Sometimes, grace breaks through.

Usually, this happens in relationship. Sometimes, sure, a book. You bet. God has ministered greatly to me over the years through various books, poems, songs, etc.

But I can clearly remember time after time after TIME when God graciously and lovingly stopped me in my TRACKS with BIBLICAL TRUTH. His Word. His Son. By His Spirit. Someone was loved by God and God’s loved poured through THEM to ME and they looked me in the eyes, put their arms around my shoulder, and said:

“Tara. I love you. I do. And I’m not going anywhere. I’m for you and that means I’m for you for the long haul. God will never give up on you and I will never give up on you.

But sweetie? Right now? The way your thinking? The way your emotions are driving your thoughts and thus, your attitudes and actions and words? Honey? I love you. But you’re wrong. You’re just wrong.

Just like me, in this moment of (pain / suffering / fear / temptation / failure / confusion / conflict), your theology is pretty much flying out of your brain and RIGHT out of the window. You’re forgetting what I know you know to be true. You’re believing a lie more than you are believing truth. Your three enemies (Satan, the world, your Old Man) are having a field day and I’m here, as your friend, to tell them all to SHUSH. Be quiet. STOP.

I’m going to stand between you and the lie and I’m going to take the bullet for you. I’m throwing my body in between you and the lie. I’m taking the blow. Because right now, I can see the lie and you can’t. You’re suffering. Your heart is broken. You are afraid. I get it. I’ve been there. I’ll be there again in the future (and then, when MY theology flies out the window and I’m the one tempted to believe the lie, I know that YOU will jump in between me and my enemy and YOU will be the one who sees clearly and can help me because that’s what Christian fellowship—REAL CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP—is).

Christian fellowship is not this insipid, shallow, Godless gathering of together people who spend the entire EVENT trying to look good while sizing up everyone around them. Christian fellowship is Body Life. Family life. REAL LIFE.

From the moment of our conversion, we are not “just saved”. We are saved (justified) and ADOPTED. Adopted just to a Father? No. Adopted to a Father, by a Son, into a FAMILY—the church. God gives us His Body because life is hard. We will suffer. We will be tempted and at times we will fail. Our struggles and life complications will be far, far beyond our resources.

So hear the truth: You do not have the resources in and of yourself to save yourself. You don’t have what you need in your own strength to grow in grace. You can’t encourage yourself. You can’t feed yourself and nourish yourself.

Just like me, dear darling beloved friend, you need someone bigger and stronger than yourself. You need the Savior. And I need the Savior. So let’s run to HIM.

 

Are you guilt-ridden over a past sin? OK. Let’s talk about that. Get it out. Get it all out. Then confess it and believe that you are forgiven. FORGIVEN. Christ’s death was enough. God’s wrath is satisfied. You have a clean slate. You can think about that memory without it crushing you because you are forgiven. Now. Let’s move on.

Are you currently struggling with an addiction? Are you caught in an ongoing, habitual sin? There is grace for you! You are NOT the only one. God is with you. He’s not withholding His love until you get your act together. It’s His love that is convicting you; it’s His love that is helping you. Now. Let’s get you some help. Spiritual, physical HELP. Friendship. Counsel. Medical intervention as needed. HELP. You are not alone. I love you. God loves you. There are lots of people in our church who have struggled just like you. There is grace and help in your time of need. Don’t be afraid. Don’t hide out. Things get worse when we hide away. Bring it into the light. You’re going to be OK. Guaranteed. God is with you. You’re going to get through this.

“BUT WHAT IF …” Ah. Yes. Catastrophizing. Yes, yes, yes. I know this well. Your mind starts clicking along; your thoughts are spinning and spinning. You are crazily, frantically grasping for a SOLUTION for THE solution. You think, “I can keep them safe! I CAN! All I have to do is …” And then you exhaust yourself because, rather than striving to be WISE and CAREFUL, while trusting in the goodness and sovereignty of God. You are trying to BE God.” You are trying to control every possible factor so that you can GUARANTEE an outcome. Yup. I’ve been there. I know that way of thinking and living FOR SURE. But the thing is, since we’re NOT the Holy Spirit and we do NOT have unlimited power and insight and resources and goodness and truth and LOVE; since we do NOT sovereignly control every molecule in the universe so we cannot (keep our children safe / save our unrepentant spouse / deliver our adult child from an addiction / guarantee that we’ll have enough money to buy food to eat) … we make ourselves crazy with worry and anxiety when we try.

News flash! You’re not God. This is actually a good thing. A GREAT thing. You’re not God but God IS God. And He is trustworthy, good, sovereign, in control. He didn’t wake up this morning and say, “OH MY STARS! Why in the WORLD did I ever save that Tara Barthel?! Look at the MESS she’s in. Grrrrrrr. She’s really a lousy excuse of a Christian. I’m SHOCKED, just SHOCKED at her. I can’t BELIEVE IT! She’d better get her act together or … OR …”

Or WHAT, friends? Seriously. Finish the sentence. Could God possibly say, “I’m going to deny Myself. I’m going to fail to uphold My own covenant. I’m going to look at My Son on the Cross and say, ‘Nope. That’s not enough. In ADDITION to the death of the Son of Glory, Tara ALSO has to be a BETTER PERSON and THEN, maybe, just THEN, if she’s GOOD ENOUGH, THEN I will be her Father and love her.'”

(Earthly fathers say that. Earthly mothers too. Ex-husbands and current husbands and ex-wives and current wives say that. Our children throw that in our faces. “Friends” do too. BUT NOT GOD.)

God could no more violate His covenant and walk away from His child than you or I could chop off our right arm and not notice it. It’s not going to happen. God saves sinners. God chooses sinners. God loves sinners and He gives us the gift of repentance and faith and then He justifies sinners—BY GRACE. BY FAITH. Not by works.

Re-read Ephesians 1-3. Re-read Romans! Re-read Titus 3. Saturate your mind with truth. Reach out for help from a friend. BE A FRIEND. Help one another to believe truth more than you believe lies.

This is what I’ve been up to this week. And oh! It’s been hard. And delightful. Grueling. And refreshing. I’m shakin’ in my Keds and feeling vulnerable at every turn. And I’m filled to overflowing with confidence and strength.

And mostly? I’m grateful. Grateful for the opportunity to serve. (I can’t believe these dear people have invited me into their lives. What a gift.) And seriously, extremely, off-the-chart GRATEFUL that these people are my FRIENDS. They help ME. They remind ME that I’m not alone. Every time I get to encourage them and remind them? I’m reminding myself too.

And boy oh boy do I need THAT!

SO …

I hope that catches you up a bit on why I’m not writing as much lately. Thanks to all of your who take the time to say hello and pass along a FaceBook greeting or personal email (and some of you even send REAL MAIL—Hi Rachelle & the Southside Fellowship gals who are going through LTGIR!). I appreciate your encouragement and I appreciate your patience when my time online is limited.

Hope you have a lovely, GRACE-FILLED, Friday!

Remember:

– You are not alone.

– God will never give up His children.

– OF COURSE you struggle with sin and unbelief; the Old Man remains until Heaven; we have real enemies in satan and the world.

– The answer is not to try harder and do better and be better; the answer is to turn to Jesus Christ in saving faith. Being in very nature God, He did not count equality with God as something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing and took on a servant’s nature. He lived the life you cannot live. He died the death that you deserve. He paid the penalty for your sins (past, present, and future).

– The same power that raised Christ from the dead is the power that is at work in you. Right now. Today. When you are at your absolute WORST, God’s love for you does not waver. God IS changing you. He WILL complete this work in you. Run to your Savior. Don’t try to save yourself (that will only lead to despair). Trust in God; trust also in Christ. In your Father’s house are many mansions. Jesus has gone there to prepare a place for you.

– Nothing can separate you from God’s love—not angels or demons; nothing in Heaven, on the earth, or under the earth. Not even your sin can thwart God’s perfect purposes. You can trust Him. He will never leave or forsake you. Father and mother may leave and forsake you. But God is for you.

Sending you love,
Tara B.