Sinful Silence

Talking with someone about an apparent sin or temptation has to be one of the most difficult things to do in all of life.

It’s one thing to do so in a conciliation case when you’re serving as a mediator. It can still be difficult, of course, but the people have invited you into their lives to serve you in this way (either by opening a case or being bound by a conciliation clause in a contract), so it’s a little more doable.

But what about when it has to do with a parenting concern? (Dum DUMMMM! Cue scary music.) Who am I to speak with this person about how they discipline (or don’t discipline) their child? Listen to my excuses:

– “It’s a wisdom issue. A gray issue. I’m not the Holy Spirit.”

– “I know they’re reading THAT BOOK. I (love / hate) THAT BOOK. So there’s really nothing more I need to say.”

– “Umm. Have you looked at my own kids? Seriously. Who am I to think I should ever talk about THIS topic with anyone?”

You can change the facts from parenting to any other personal (important!) issue … food/overeating, marriage, money, s*x, recreation/time management.

Who am I?
Who am I?

I was thinking about all of this when I read HeadHeartHand’s recent blog post:

(I’m really enjoying my new read of this blog, by the way. Hits some sweet spots with me—business, church/polity, real life.)

Mostly, I was thinking about all of the hard conversations I’ve had in my life when people loved me enough to confront me (about money, relationships, sinful bitterness, overindulgences, lack of submission to authority/pride … I could go on an on). And about the people who did not confront me, but instead stood silently by (or even gave me the apparently loving but actually hateful) “kind words” and placated me when I was heading down a path of destruction.

(And honestly? I was thinking about all of this because I recently tried to—gently! I hope!—talk with a “good acquaintance but I wouldn’t call us close friend”-level person in my life about a sensitive subject and MAN. I was shocked by how hard it was for me. Fear of Man? Not wanting her to reject me? Think I’m a jerk? Yes, I should add that to the list above … “But I want you to LIKE me and think I’m a NICE PERSON!” Blech. It’s too early in the day to see my heart like it really is. Time to stop blogging and get into the Word …)

Last thought: I did talk to my friend. I was shaking in my Keds. But I did pray. And my overarching theme was that I truly want to encourage and draw CLOSER to her and her family and be a blessing because they are a blessing to me/us. And we have so much to learn from them! Our lives are better for getting to be their friends. I’m right there with her in the battle.

But it was still really hard.

May God give us the courage to love, really love, one another. That means sometimes we will overlook. Let it go. Carry no record of wrongs. And sometimes? We will gently engage. Gently confront. Gently Restore.

Blessings to you this day! May we all have the humility to humbly and honestly listen when we are confronted (and to grow wise!). And the courage to speak up (gently and humbly) when love compels us.

Yours,
Tara B.